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Descriptive

Writing

Portfolio

●Language Analysis ●Rewritten Passages ●Rationale

Gautam Narayan G10 Mr.Glover


This build up carefully sets the tone for the brutal event that was Simon’s death. Specifically, how there is an unusual and drastic change in the weather that has very ominous signs. The weather somehow reflects the mood and implies a threatening and dark set of events are to follow. For example, “By early evening, the sun had gone and a brassy glare had taken the place of clear daylight.” The sun could signify the stand of innocence and civilisation still instilled within the boys, but as it leaves in its natural process, it is replaced not by pleasant nightfall, but of a dark and ‘brassy’ glare that joins it, perhaps describing how aggressive and loud the night will turn out to be. Clear daylight also ceases to guide the boys, their world now sinister and blurry, negatively affecting their mindset and their ability to think in a proper way. The “static ready to explode in the air” represents the boy’s emotions, with tension rising between Ralph and Jack and the emergence of the feared ‘beastie’. This detailed insight on the weather mirrors the forthcoming events and helps me notice how conveniently the weather becomes very negative and oppressing and creates a fitting visual effect. It also prompts deeper thinking about the connection between the boys and the island and you soon realize they are now almost part of each other, the emotions in one are recreated by the other. Personification is integral in creating depressing connotations, like when the clouds appear to “brood” and the sky having a “brassy” glare. In particular, our visual and tactile senses, which can most feel the change in emotion and build up in tension and we can almost see them in a depressive state of mind anticipating the events to follow. The sky and clouds seem to contradict each other in appearance, one being mellow and sad, the other loud and aggressive. This could represent a metaphor for the split in the group of boys, with the hunters acting as the sky and the boys with remaining vestiges of civilization as the clouds, forced to co-exist with each other, and that will result in some drastic consequences. These devices help develop a dominant impression which is in this context, an ominous sign that there are going to be some striking events on the island, and it will change a lot of things. It is as if the island have a vision into the future and are showing their reaction to what they see. Golding also plays close attention to the breeze, which is usually a welcome refresher, but now,


offers no comfort to the boys, and is even hostile, as if angered by their future actions.

This passage is another excerpt from the Lord of the Flies and is written from Ralph’s point of view as the selected boys are on the hunt for a beastie. It describes the view of the other side of the island, specifically the ocean’s aggressive behavior on the island, the repetitive sequence of actions that the waves create and the effect it has on Ralph. The excerpt enforces the hidden monstrosity of the island and the magnitude of the task of actually finding a way off of it. We can no longer take the island for granted as a paradise but more of a silent killer, it’s dangers far outweigh any presumable comforts. The dominant impression is one of how powerful the ocean is, as a barrier and as a force, stunning Ralph with its infinite size and authority and its overwhelming effect on Ralph’s faint hopes of leaving the island. The waves of the ocean are put under spotlight, their movement creating “cascades and waterfalls of retreating water” which make the ocean seem like a never ending wall of water retreating from the shore and “would sink past rocks and plaster the seaweed” personifying the waves, making them a human force to be reckoned with, which asserts its authority and letting nothing stand in its way. Then it would “rise with a roar, irresistibly swelling over a point and outcrop”, further personification of the wave as it is roaring, announcing its presence and tower over the shore and finally crash back down, the impact can be felt up near the cliff where Ralph is positioned, as if casting a warning on their intentions. This line appeals mainly to my olfactory senses and it is easy to imagine a huge wave routinely crashing onto the shore with a vicious thud that gives it it’s identity. “The remoteness of the sea numbed his brain” a metaphor that relates his brain to the numbing effect the waves cause on the shoreline, portrays the depressing effect these waves have on Ralph as he watches the repetitive sequence of events make the situation more bleak as the waves “forced itself on his attention” which shows the presence and power the ocean has, which he was oblivious too before and is now struggling to come to terms with what he sees as it is a big blow, psychologically to his hopes of returning home Golding also pays close attention to the landscape of the island, which is also in fact quite unfriendly


and oppressive, such as the seaweed and rocks nearby a little cliff.

The dominant impression in this passage is that of crude savagery through a very focused hunter. These traits under line the developing theme of Jack’s transformation from an innocent choirboy to a vicious primitive. Right from the start, we are thrown right into the action, with “Jack bent double. He was down like a sprinter, his nose only a few inches from the humid earth.” The way Jack is so low, and down to earth represents his fall from the image of a choirboy, and the simile of comparing Jack to a sprinter induces thoughts of a determined and focused man, not stopping until he reaches the target. And that is exactly how Jack will confront the elusive pig. Further more, “the tree trunks and the creepers that festooned them” could act as a metaphor describing Jack’s situation, with him being the tree and the creepers, which are his predatory instincts starting to take a stranglehold on his emotions. The metaphor does continue in the next line where the creepers “lost themselves in a green dusk thirty feet above him” referring to Jack’s civil emotions and how they have literally gone up in smoke and exchanged for more brutish state of mind. Even with only the “faintest indication of a trail”, Jack is still able to manipulate his surroundings to scrounge for any clues on his prey, portraying marks of an accomplished hunter. Adding to that, he “stared at the traces as though he would force them to speak to him”. Golding personifies the traces, suggesting they have human like abilities to communicate. But it could work the other way around, with Jack slowly starting to become part of the forest and share the almost animalistic instincts it possess. This theme is further developed in the next line where Jack is described as “dog-like, uncomfortably on all fours yet un heeding his discomfort”. A few weeks ago, Jack would never have imagined himself, painfully staking out a pig on all fours, no refined boy would, so the undertones of this context are reinforced, where Jack deals with the pain for the sake of carrying on his determined obsession to finally kill. Golding pays great attention to these events, which took place only for a minute or so, but will have lasting effects on Jack’s character for the rest of the book.


The description goes into detail about the jungle from Simon’s point of view as he clambers down to the beach to inform the boys about the non existent beastie. This part of the island is less oppressive and dangerous as the passage makes it out to be. The introduction puts into perspective the difference the jungle comes under, in particular the effect the trees play on the surroundings. The dominant impression in the passage, I believe, is of a positive changes, and a god like guidance for Simon through the forest. Both suggest happier events but leave us with the hint that there will always be some hindrances along the way. For example, “the creepers festooned the trees less frequently and there was a scatter of pearly light from the sky down through the trees.” With less creepers covering the trees, there is more light that can pass through the undergrowth, making the environment more bright and in my mind, a less dangerous place to be, especially with the pearly light, which adds a saint-like perception of the light guiding Simon. Also, the light shining through could also signify the moment of revelation when Simon finds the beastie to be nothing more than a dead parachutist, adding to the connotations of a divine and shielded setting for Simon. The creepers could stand for the savagery that “festooned” the island, but now it has less of a stranglehold because there is great news, the news that there is actually no beastie, that will change the way the boy’s think and act. This part of the island is “no longer deep jungle” and there were “wide spaces interspersed with thickets and huge trees”. Golding goes back to the idea that Simon is out of the vast and unclear situation and there is now hope that some order and rational thinking can be restored. The setting with the clearing indicates signs of civilization and how Simon has moved onto these. Although, there is the presence of thickets, which signify a more uncontrollable aspect of the forest that will always be present, and it could stand as a metaphor, testifying that there will always be obstructions and unforeseen events that could take place. The setting of this part of the forest is also co-incidental to the fact that it is in proximity to where Simon finds the truth about the beastie as it fits in with the impression of a growing positive atmosphere but at the same time, strangely eerie in the sense there are ominous signs of great disturbing events


Rewriting two passages, while changing one aspect in each 1)

Jack troded nervously through the foliage, his spear quivering in his bony hands. His back was upright, and his spear held close to his body. His eyes were darting left to right, fear running deep into them. The task at hand was a great asking, and he had never come across something as unruly as this. The thick trunks were oddly shaped as if confused at which way they were supposed to be facing. There was little light falling through the umbrella of trees. The face paint started to smear with the sweat pouring down his face, even though it was only mildly humid. Jack was completely oblivious to the pig droppings in his path and carelessly, he stepped forward and came down on a twig, the sharp noise breaking the silence of the dense undergrowth. The pig run erupted in a flurry of pink and brown and Jack, confused with all the noises, retreated back down to the beach in a hurry, forgetting his spear in the mess. Rationale Since the dominant impression in the original is of the instinctual prowess of Jack as a hunter, I have changed the dominant impression to portray Jack as the complete opposite ­ an incapable and scared boy. Changing the appearance of Jack was vital as it says a lot about his emotions, so from being a silent assassin, he is now a clumsy boy, naive to the way the job works. The surroundings reflect Jack’s state of mind and how he goes from being a strong tree with unruly creepers taking over him, to a thick trunk which is confused at it’s purpose and being. His actions are also of great contrast : from having the guile and agility of a sprinter with the knowledge of an accomplished hunter to being completely lost in his actions. The rewritten passage brings out the emphasis on Jack’s natural instincts as a hunter and the beginning of his turning point where he gets engulfed by animalistic urges. This is a very important point in the book which develops an important theme of Jack embracing his true colours inside him and in turn leading the other boys to follow his lead and drop the morals of their civilized world. 2)


The tide was steady, but each wave was like the previous. Slowly, the ocean would glide back, revealing spotless wet sand, soft even to look at. The rocks and wobbling seaweed slowing down the retreat even further. Gradually, the wave would return, in a beautiful arc, the waves cutting through the air and creating a soft whoosh like the wind. As it came down and bathed the shore with more of its refreshing salt water, its streams of water barely reaching the cliffs where Ralph stood, taking in the replayed events again and again. The serenity and gracefulness of the waves instilled new hope inside Ralph. The peacefulness of the oceans prompting pleasant thoughts of rescue and a renewed longing for home. Rationale The dominant impression in the original was of the brutality and oppressiveness of the waves as they provided a strong warning against trying to leave and a reminder of the dangers and hopelessness they found themselves in. I decided to change the effect of the waves as an incredible force to being more timid and having paradisical qualities. For example, the inability of the wave to flatten the obstructions in the way suggest a loss in power of the wave. This was important to exert its authority as a force. Also, the mechanics of the wave changes from being aggressive and loud to being “a graceful and beautiful arc that bathes the shore”. The waves in the original have a deafening effect and reach far down the beach. But now, the wave ‘bathes’ the shore and refreshes it. The impression we are left with is of a relaxing and pleasant place to be amid the chaos of the island. Changing the dominant impression to a pacifying one puts into perspective the size and presence of the waves in the original and how different Ralph’s reaction is to the effect the waves have on him. We may have underestimated the strength of the waves but once we compare it to a paradisical one, we are stunned by the sheer size and brutality of the wave; and like Ralph, we feel a sense of dread and hopelessness, as compared to a joyful and warming effect of the rewritten version.

Descriptive Writing Portfolio  

Portfolio consisting of 4 languages analyses of passages from William Golding's novel, Lord of the flies. Also are 2 rewritten passages fro...

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