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The Aberdeen University Student Newspaper 15 September2012



Est. 1934


City Garden Project plea: let’s move on

Photo/ Kevin Millican (Flicker) By Conor Riordan

Queen to officially open New Library By Xander Brouwer Her Majesty the Queen will be visiting the University of Aberdeen on Monday 24 September to open the New Library. During her diamond jubilee year, the Queen will open the library officially as the Sir Duncan Rice Library, named after the former principal and vice-chancellor. The opening itself will take place in the afternoon and attendance to the event is by invitation only. A spokesperson for the university said: “The University is delighted to confirm that HM The Queen will formally open the library during a day of celebration on Monday 24 September, at which we will be welcoming friends, supporters and alumni of the University from around the world. “The University can confirm that the library will be named The Sir Duncan Rice Library in recognition of the vision, ambition and leadership of the University’s former Principal and Vice-Chancellor, Professor Sir Duncan Rice.” During the day the Queen is also set to visit Marischal College. The renovated university building, now largely used by the city council, was originally opened by the Queen’s great grandfather Edward VII in 1906. Lord Lieutenant of Aberdeen City George Adam said: “I, and everyone in Aberdeen will be delighted and honoured to welcome Her Majesty to the city to visit the magnificent Marischal College. “Marischal College was opened in 1906 by her great-grandfather and it is very fitting that Her Majesty will visit the newly regenerated building 106 years on in this, her Diamond Jubilee year.”

Leaders of Aberdeen council have called on the city to “move on” from the Union Terrace Gardens saga, after a telling off from Scottish ministers. Councilors controversially voted to scrap the plan to transform the gardens—the £140m City Garden Project—last month, despite a public referendum supporting the plans. Appeals have now come from the Labour-Conservative-

Independent coalition to end what has become one of the most divisive issues in Aberdeen’s recent past. SNP group leader Callum McCaig claimed that the argument was “a long way from dead” and that the City Garden Project plans were bound to return before council within the year. Labour, senior partners on the ruling coalition, said it was exploring using other sources of money to fund city centre improvements. SNP group leaders have

described one such plan, the partial pedestrianisation of Union Street as “absolute bonkers”, raising concerns over lack of detail and up-to-date traffic modeling. Barney Crockett, Council leader, insisted the council would not change its decision on scrapping the project and that he was upset with comments made by SNP MSPs at Holyrood. “That decision stands and ultimatums from the Scottish Government will not alter that position,” he said.

Despite this, a protest is due to take place outside the city council’s headquarters, Marischal College, on Saturday 22 September at 13:00, after a campaign was started on a social networking site to raise support for the protest. McCaig said: “It would be wishful thinking from the administration that this issue would go away. A pledge has been made by the administration to press ahead with its alternative plan for citycentre redevelopment even after a funding snub from the Scottish

Government. SNP group leader, Callum McCaig, added: “The alternative put forward by Councillor Boulton is pie in the sky. It is described as sprucing up the city but what Aberdeen needs is something credible, achievable and affordable. What has been put forward is fantasy.” Infrastructure secretary Alex Neil has told MSPs he has yet to receive any detailed information on updated plans from the local authority.



Life & Style



A new series is investigating what Facebook does with your personal data and how you can improve privacy. P. 6

Students look back to their Fresher’s week, tell us what to expect and their most memorable moments. P.8

Advice on how to give the great first impression with tips on fashion buying in Aberdeen. P.13

Reviews The Bourne Legacy and Lawless as well as a thorough look into the Fringe. P.15-16

A look through all the summer’s sporting events including the Olympic Games and Andy Murray. P.19

The Gaudie



Editors: Conor Riordan & Tasneem Mahmoud

15 September 2012

Universities in the UK fear too few freshers Uni news beyond Aberdeen By Emlyn Corbett

Ministers are being blamed by university chiefs for this year’s clearing chaos, with 30,000 less applications than before. Universities are criticising the government for not spotting a major drop in top students in the system, with many vice-chancellors saying this was the most “chaotic” and “uncertain” admissions round they ever experienced. Two key policies came into effect this year, which may have contributed to the decrease: a free market for best students, enabling universities to recruit as many AAB applicants as they can, and fees of up to £9,000. It was hoped by institutions that more top students would be attracted to make up for government cuts to numbers earlier in the year. Although, it appears only a few elite institutions were able to take advantage of this policy. According to a UCAS update a week after results day, applications through clearing are down by 30,000. As a result many universities have had to lower their offer grades to fill vacancies this summer. Even top institutions like Warwick and Durham were forced into clearing. The University of Southampton, a member of the elite Russell Group, the revealed it was 600 students down from last year, having failed to recruit enough AAB Alevel students. The vice-chancellor, Don Nutbeam, described this as “a

Photos/ Sean McNelly wake-up call for the entire university community”. Another university vice-chancellor echoes a story told by many similar institutions: “All of our standard offers were AAB or higher, but we had to drop one grade for some subjects and two for oth-

ers.” Private concerns for some leading universities is that AAB grades, “seem to have evaporated into thin air.” One theory is grades were nudged up due to the demand for more AAB grades. The head of one institution, with

many students getting less than predicted, says: “Long before results day, our admissions people said they’d got the impression that teachers were over-predicting grades this year.” “You can see why. Once you predict an AAB you put a student in a position where any university they apply for might give them an offer.” However, Matthew Andrews, registrar at Oxford Brookes University and chair of the admissions practitioners group at the Academic Registrars Council, says a lot of the students eligible for clearing counted by UCAS haven’t materialised. He explains: “There are some views that this year students applied and it was only afterwards that they really understood the cost and whether they wanted to go to university.” Tuition fee increases has been followed by a fall in university applications for many—particularly for England—but competition for places is still expected to be fierce. Universities Minister, David Willetts, said he hoped the changes had not deterred students. Northern Ireland retained the highest proportion of A* and A grades: 31.9%. England’s top grades dipped by 0.3% to 26.5%, Wales also fell by 0.3% to 23.6%. Pupils in Scotland had a record pass rate for Highers. If you managed to make the cut then congratulations. Enjoy your Fresher’s week.

Aberdeen’s energy industry recruits thousands of new workers in the north east By Tasneem Mahmoud New job opportunities have arisen within Aberdeen’s energy industry. According to accountants firm PwC, Aberdeen’s energy industry needs 120,000 new recruits by 2022. As Europe’s oil capital, Aberdeen needs these new recruits in order to become a global energy capital. Half of Aberdeen’s current workforce are now over the age of 45 and senior partner of PwC Mark Higgenson believes that “attracting and retaining” a new workforce can help build a “dynamic, forward thinking and buoyant” global energy centre. He expressed his enthusiasm towards moving on from the Union Terrace Gardens dispute. Coincidently, world leading oilfield service company Petrofac has welcomed a large amount of Aberdeen graduates. Its recent intake sprouts as a result of its northeast recruitment programme, which is part of a worldwide scheme.

Petrofac took on 150 graduates last year. It has recently employed 31 graduates for its Granite City

Photo/ Scottish Government (Flickr)

Operation 2012, which is nearly double the amount of last year’s figure.

Chemical engineering graduate Stuart Brown stated he was attracted to the company’s graduate scheme because of Petrofac’s reputation within the energy industry. He enjoyed the opportunities within the graduate scheme such as rotation around assets and departments which he believes gave him “a well rounded experience” and which “essentially made [him] a better engineer.” Vice President of human resources, Kevin Higgins stated that Petrofac understands the need to “develop and retain bright innovative graduates.” Finally Higgins expressed his belief that the graduate programme’s rapid development is “a testament to the rapid growth plans of the company.” Aberdeen’s energy businesses can only hope that graduate schemes such as this will help to fill up the necessary workforce for its thriving oil industry.

By Bryte Amponsah Cambridge, England The University of Cambridge was named Second Best University on planet earth and the best university in the UK according to 2012 QS World University Rankings. Cambridge beat its arch rival Oxford who was placed at number six. No Scottish university among the top ten, University of Aberdeen was ranked 162nd globally and 4th in Scotland. London, England One of the most populated universities in the country has been forced to ask its international students to further their degree elsewhere. The London Metropolitan University is accused by the UK border agency as being inadequate in monitoring its overseas students. BBC reports that some 2,000 overseas nonEU students will have to find an alternative institution to sponsor them or they will be told that they will be removed from the UK. The university that has the Duke of Edinburgh as its patron has officially launched legal procedures to challenge the Government’s decision.

Photo/ Cairo, Egypt Egypt’s first elected civilian President Mohammed Mursi told students in a gathering in the country’s capital he promise to remove decades-old restrictions on student activities in the country’s universities. University world news reports the President as saying “Students suffered marginalisation due to injustices of an era, which passed and will not return.” In recognising the importance of the students’ activism during the Arab spring which brought him to power, the president told the gathering “We want a comprehensive national development and you are the tools and driving forces of this development.” Massachusetts, United States Authorities at Harvard University are probing dozen of students who allegedly plagiarised their final exams. The university however would not release the names of 125 students due to privacy reasons.

15 September 2012

The Gaudie



British Science Festival in Aberdeen By Emma Kempsell, Tasneem Mahmoud In the first week of September, the University proudly hosted the British Science Festival. The event is the largest in Britain, and was a vibrant celebration of science, engineering and technology, with over 250 events, exhibitions and activities for both children and adults. With 178 years of history, the British Science Festival is considered to be one of Europe’s largest celebrations of science. The programme includeed activities for schools and families as well as general entertainment for professionals. The festival attracted over 350 of the UK’s top scientists to discuss the latest developments in science, allowing its audience to hear about the latest scientific research and related issues. Student President.

Anne-Claire Deseillgny, who attended the event said, “Science can seem arcane and difficult, but the science festival really made it accessible to all.” The British Science Festival originated from the British Association for the Advancement of Science, which is now more commonly known as the British Science Association, established in September 1831. It held annual meetings around the UK to, “give a stronger impulse and more systematic direction to scientific inquiry to promote the intercourse of those who cultivate Science in different parts of the

British Empire, with one another, and with foreign philosophers; to obtain more general attention for the objects of Science, and the removal of any disadvantages of a public kind that may impede its progress.” The early meetings witnessed the coining of terms such as “scientist” and “dinosaur” as well as the debate on Darwinism between Bishop Samuel Wilberforce and Thomas Henry Huxley, in 1860. The festival is held in a different location every year. It has been hosted in cities such as Birmingham, York, Bradford, Guilford and Liverpool. For the first time in 50 years, the 2012 festival was held in Aberdeen, which received a special focus including an interactive talk on “Scotland’s Mapping”, and Aberdeen’s Urban History. Anne-Claire says, “in terms of community … the festival has had

a very positive impact.” Some students from the University of Aberdeen were lucky enough to work at the festival. “I met so many wonderful people and found out about a lot of new information while at exhibitions that were held at the new library,” says fourth year Vita

Zaporozcenko. One of this years’ events included a talk by Bill Bryson, author of A Short History of Nearly Everything, a speech that according to Anne-Claire “helped rekindle the lost flame of our enthusiasm” for science.

Photos/ University of Aberdeen (Facebook)

The Student President on the success of the Festival By Claire Wheelans Anne-Claire, do you think the British Science Festival was a success in terms of raising awareness and enhancing Aberdeen’s culture? Anne-Claire Deseilligny: Yes, absolutely! Science can seem arcane and difficult, but the Science Festival really made it accessible to all. I think it helped raise awareness that science is for everyone: I hope that young girls and boys will be inspired now to come and study science at university, even if they used to think that it “wasn’t for them.” Science is for everyone, regardless of origin, gender or whatever, and the festival was great at showing that.
In terms of enhancing culture, of course! For a week, we were at the centre of British science: that’s amazing! Because it went well, it shows that Aberdeen is somewhere where things happen, and not just a place with oil rigs and psychopathic seagulls.

. How did the University contribute to the running’s and events of the festival?

 I guess that’s a question to ask them really. I know a lot of work has been going on behind the scenes for ages, and I don’t know the full extent of it.

 What impact do you think the festival has had on the University of Aberdeen? In terms of maybe encouragement to study here or showing the University’s ability to host one of the largest European festivals of science, engineering and technology.

 I’m not sure it’s up to me to comment on the direct impact the Festival has had on the University, it’s something they could answer much more adequately. I can say that in terms of community, I think the Festival has had a very positive impact, particularly if we’re talking about access to science. Again, I

think it’s great if local kids now feel that they can do science at school and university. Do you think a lot more people now think of science as “fun” rather than the stereotype of it being a challenging and sometimes dull subject for those who don’t appreciate it?


Oh yes. I’ve been talking about children, but it goes for adults too. Some of us were unfortunate enough to be put off science when we were young. We maybe just thought it wasn’t something we’d ever be able to enjoy and appreciate. But going to some of the events really helped rekindle the lost flame of our enthusiasm. It did for me anyway!

 Great, one last question, were there any events you attended? If so, what was your opinion of them?

 The best one I went to was undoubtedly Bill Bryson’s talk on the Friday evening. I’ve been a big fan of his for a very long time, and I really enjoyed his book A Short History of Nearly Everything when I read it a few years back. So hearing him speak about it was fantastic.

Brian Cox held talk at Science Festival By Tasneem Mahmoud Physicist Brian Cox unveiled a plaque in honour of the late George Paget Thomson at Marischal College on 6 September as part of the British Science Festival. The plaque was offered to the University of Aberdeen by the Institute of Physics. Cox is a member of the highenergy physics group at the University of Manchester. He completed his thesis on diffraction at large momentum transfer, at the H1 experiment at HERA in 1998. He is famous for his

contribution to the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at The European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN). He is also known for his television shows such as Wonders of the Universe and for playing keyboard for the 90s band, D:Ream.

The Gaudie



The grand Olympics final 2012 By Emma Kempsell Hosting the Olympics for the first time since 1948, London closed the games with a wacky ceremony on 12 August. Despite the excitement felt throughout the nation, in the run up to the event there were some concerns about meeting the high standards set by hosts Bejing in 2008. “We don’t have control over our people like that”, said the English character Wesley Snipes, in a 2010 episode of 30 Rock. However, in front of a crowd of 80,000 people, including 7,500 athletes representing 204 nations, the competition was over because the event organisers didn’t attempt a feat of human synchronicity, but a massive street party. The ceremony got under way with a day in the life of the city, and a trip through its musical archive. According to event organiser Kim Gavin, it was to be “a celebration of all that is good about London, British people, British music and British culture.” Being modelled on the Union Jack and with nods to Black cabs and Tower Bridge, the stage was set for performances ranging from the Spice Girls to the remaining members of Queen, and the audience was surely sent home in jubilation.

15 September 2012

Paralympic closing ceremony By Conor Riordan The 2012 London Paralympics has culminated with a fiery finale and official handover to Rio de Janeiro, the 2016 host, ending the London Games. After 11 days of sport, the closing ceremony brought it all to an end with a “festival of flame” to honour the ancient traditions of Britain. Kim Gavin’s artistic vision for the event was to travel through the four seasons, set around three circular stages representing sundials. Coldplay led the festivities with a live set, starting off in Autumn with “Yellow”. They were joined by Rihanna, who arrived on a junkyard ship, to sing “Princess Of China” and “We Found Love”. Charles Hazlewood’s Paraorchestra accompaniment of the band fitted the magnificent atmosphere. The 4,200 athletes were seated around the main arena, unlike the other Games ceremonies, making

Photo/ TerryGeorge (Flickr)

them central to the action. Organisers said the event had ended what was, “the greatest Paralympic Games ever.” Great Britain took third place in the Paralympic medals table with a tally of 120, including 34 golds. China finished top with 231 medals; 95 gold. Sir Philip Craven, International Paralympic Committee president, declared the 2012 Paralympics closed by saying: “This is an event that absolutely no-one wants to end. These Games have changed us all forever.” Paralympians Ellie Simmonds and Jonnie Peacock helped to put out the Paralympic flame as the ceremony drew to a close, which was shared out across the stadium symbolising “the eternal nature of the flame living among us all”. In his programme notes, Gavin said: “Last one to leave the stadium…please turn off the lights.”

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15 September 2012

The Gaudie



Editor: Konrad Wojnar

Applying for a postgraduate education Claire Wheelans reports on how to approach the postgraduate application process

T Photo/

Is a helmet a good investment for Freshers’ Week? Cara-Caird Hunter explains how to survive and come out of Abeerdeen University initiation celebration in one piece


lthough the prospect of leaving behind the school system, your parents’ home and perhaps your hometown, is exciting and liberating, coming to university can be daunting. Freshers’ Week, as a fresher, is an experience you will never forget and is your first taste of independence in your new life as a student. On top of fighting the dreaded freshers’ flu and making the most of every moment, you should hopefully aim to end the week in one piece. Here to help you along are a few survival tips from a freshers’ survivor. 1. Say hello As simple as that. Everybody is in the same boat here. The person sat next to you in the introduction lecture, or the person you pass in the corridor of your halls of residence, could potentially be one of your closest friends in the months to come, so bite the bullet and introduce yourself. However, don’t expect everyone you meet to be your friend for life. Just enjoy it and, as cheesy as it sounds, be yourself. 2. Join societies Fancy trying out a new sport or continuing a lifelong hobby? Aberdeen University has a variety of sports clubs and societies to suit even the most random of tastes. Fight the inevitable hangover and drag yourself along to the Freshers’ Fare, take your pick and sign up. Not only will you meet loads more people than if you spent your first year lazing around halls, it also will make your CV look all the more sparkly.  3. Go easy on the Facebook

he process of applying for postgraduate education can be seen as a daunting task— particularly for British undergraduate students who applied through the more straightforward UCAS system. There is more to it than just a form and a personal statement, and depending on the university you choose, the competition can be tough. Between 2000–01 and 2005– 06, the number of postgraduates studying at Higher Education Institutions in the UK rose by 21.5%. Many students choose to take their education further to a Masters level, as it may increase their chances of finding a job or fulfilling a requirement for a certain job opening. Employment rates for UKdomiciled Masters graduates six months after graduation, by mode of study in 2005–06, was 75.5%. Asia: From these websites, it is best to go directly to the university webpage and see their entry requirements, and what they require for the application process. The cost for a master degree in most British universities will be around £6,000, even reaching £9,000 in London. Aberdeen University undergraduate student Leo Stockford notes: “Another thing to consider is where you’re studying. Literally, where you’re studying. King’s is in the centre of London, where everything happens. The University of Lund is in the middle of Sweden, with easy connections to Denmark, and is beautiful. The location is very important.” Choosing to study elsewhere in the EU may be cheaper, as certain universities have reduced tuition fees for EU citizens (or even free in some universities) and do not require a visa to study there. Due to the increase in the number of students moving across Europe to study, the Bologna Process created standardised higher education diplomas. In addition, many European universities now have their Masters programmes taught in English and require a test to prove proficiency in English. If you are applying from an Englishspeaking university, then this is not required. Rather than doing a Master’s, some students may opt to choose

First step: Research The initial step to take when applying is researching universities and the courses they offer. It’s good to do this in advance since more updates all means, go out each night and often than not, your postgraduate Yes, you may want all your friends enjoy the festivities, just don’t offer application process may coincide from home to see how much of a to buy the entire bar a drink in an with your undergraduate degree, super duper time you are hav- attempt to make friends; it won’t and you don’t want to be one of ing, but an update every five min- work and will leave you broke. those that rush through this in the last minute. utes and the constant tagging of There are different websites that your new flatmates will get tedi- 7. Rake in the freebies ous. Trust me. Plus your uncle As said before, do not give in to offer a search and comparison of Terry does not want to know how temptation and spend the day in universities in the UK, Europe, many Jaeger bombs it takes, be- bed with a hangover praying for USA and Asia. These websites enfore you vomit all down yourself.  the room to stop spinning and get able applicants to search for a speyourself on campus during the cific course or subject area, while 4. Student discount day. Bring an empty bag and enjoy You may not know it yet, but the mammoth amount of freebies you are a broke student now, so which will come your way and you make the most of the perks and will probably never have to buy soon that 10% off in your favour- yourself a pen the entire year and ite shop will seem like gold dust. will have enough random t-shirts You will soon find yourself like a to put off doing your washing a broken record asking “do you do few more precious days. Also, free student discount?” everywhere food is never a bad thing for a new you go. Enjoy it whilst you can. student finding their way around the kitchen for the first time.  5. It is not all drinking Going out and getting drunk and 8. Student cookbook enjoying the various nights put on There will come a day when you in freshers’ with your new friends realise you cannot survive on tuna is all part of the fun, but there are a pasta and warming up some beans variety of non-drinking events that does not qualify as cooking a meal. can be worth checking out as well. In the long run, you will miss home Even familiarizing yourself with cooking and with all the late nights Graduation today, the city, as you don’t want to find you are going to need a decent yourself a couple of weeks into the meal here and there. Plus, flash but what comes tomorrow? semester and only able to get your- your cookbook at your parents on self from halls to a lecture then move-in and they may be so imto the student bar… or do you?  pressed with your good intentions Photo/ Christina Mackenzie they will fork out for your first 6. Watch the pennies weeks shopping. No harm in trying. also showing tuition fees and the to pursue a PhD instead – where Without sounding like a fun sponge, duration of the course – a similar the student will produce new for most coming to University is 9. Look at your reading list the first taste of the big bad adult At least have the fact you are here course may be one or two years de- knowledge in their subject field in world of budgeting. You don’t want to learn somewhere in your mind pending on the place of study and a research project (which is usually 40,000 words or more). A PhD can to come to the end of your first and take a look at your reading list. the university. take over four years to finish if it week and realize you have blown Then saunter around Bookends is done full-time. If this seems too UK: your monthly budget and have to the on campus second-hand bookdemanding, then there is an option survive the next few weeks on the store. for a research-based MasEurope: gourmet meal of super noodles. By ► ters (which can be either USA:

The Gaudie


Features one or two years to complete and the research project will be around 30,000 words). For many British universities, the formal registration for a PhD occurs after this initial year of research, so it may be a better idea to choose a research Masters if you are considering doing a PhD. For a PhD, students can use these websites to do an extensive search for specific or general subjects: Second step: Applying Once you have made a final decision on what universities you want to apply to, you can start putting together your application. Some courses may have early application dates, so it may be beneficial to create your own personal calendar of important dates in the application process. The University of Aberdeen’s President for Education and Employability, Josefine Björkqvist, gives us some of her top tips for applying for postgraduate education: You can approach the Aberdeen University Careers Service and ask for a one-on-one session on applying for a postgraduate degree. They offer an impartial service when it comes to postgraduate advice, meaning that you can ask about opportunities outside of the University of Aberdeen. When applying for postgraduate study, it’s most important to do your research in advance. Investigate every funding source and be aware of dates, deadlines and eligibility criteria. Postgraduate study is big business for Universities and many will be competing for your attention, so make sure you are clear about your goals. Are you interested in academia or are you looking to get a better job at the end? For a postgraduate taught course, check if there is a named course leader that has been running the course for a while, to see if it’s an established course. Speak to current students on the course and the course leader to get a better idea of the course content. Check if there are leavers’ destination statistics for your Masters course and whether they are relevant for the type of career you’re interested in pursuing. For your application, you may be asked to provide a personal statement, which is your chance to prove commitment and showcase skills relating to the course you’ve chosen, and how it will benefit you: 1. Show genuine enthusiasm for the subject and how it will benefit your career. Show in-depth knowledge of the course (even put in some academic references). 2. Mention skills you have and how this will help you to succeed, e.g. research skills would be proven by outlining the various sources you used for your undergraduate dissertation. Some applications may require interviews, which like the personal statement, will mean you are to give responses that prove your dedication to the subject. Final things to remember Former Gaudie editor Joseph Blythe notes: “It’s not only the strength of your undergrad degree that’ll get you a place. I got onto the Napier course based on my work with the Gaudie, rather than my fairly poor 2:2 in Politics and Philosophy…it’s no lie that the stuff you do outside of your undergrad matters just as much as the degree itself.” ■

15 September 2012


e met on 15 September 2009. I was home with a nice hot tea, my computer resting on my lap, when suddenly, this showy and tasteful ad popped up in front of my window, and said: “Sign up. It’s free and always will be.” I was curious, and when I noticed how popular it was, I went for it. I’m no salmon; I always go with the flow. And, I must say, I never regretted this step. It’s been the most loving, entertaining and trustful relationship I have ever been in. I don’t know if it was the font, or the appealing blue banner, but I fell for Facebook; as did nearly 955 million others. And what is there not to love? It’s fast, it’s social, it’s private. For years, I surfed through the web thinking it’s safe. I lived in a bubble of naivety, in which every Facebook entry was solely between my friends and me, and no one outside of my circle of friends knew what I did last summer. But, recently, an article on how Facebook sells all the data you trustfully put into their hands caught my attention, and at the same time, burst my bubble of naivety. What was I thinking? Nothing really, I guess, like so many others. I asked friends about the issue. They have heard about it but they didn’t pay much attention. Why? They didn’t care. Suspicious of how Facebook treats user privacy, a dark cloud began to form over me, like

The real

camera you took it with, and sometimes even where you took it. Furthermore, Facebook receives data from the device you log on to the website with—e.g. your computer or mobile phone—and it stores the IP address, location, the type of browser you use, and the pages you visited with monsters called


Part One

“On the surface, Facebook is all about socialising, finding friends and staying in touch, but who do you really share your life with? “

Maria Suessmilch investigates how Facebook collects and sells user data, and what it does with the information the user thinks are private with “Friends” or by choosing a “Custom” setting. How exactly this works will follow later in the series. Private bits of information are all those that you choose to keep to your circle of friends or other groups, like; your family, your relatives, your football mates, and so on. These are all the pieces of information you wouldn’t want a stranger to know about you; maybe where you spent your last holiday,

will remember this and relate it to you. These are the “obvious”, or deliberate data you or your friends, post on Facebook. In itself, it’s not too bad. However, it’s the hidden information about you that is truly interesting for Facebook to gather. Indeed, so interesting that there is no category for it, though I like to call it an advertiser’s candy-land. Whatever you do on the social

cookies. And Facebook, of course, will also know which pages outside the blue-bannered window you “like” with their like button. This is called a “Social Plugin”. When you use this feature, you are asked for permission to share information on your timeline. Facebook then receives this information about what you liked, and stores it for up to 90 days. In addition, when you use social plug-ins, the website may receive info about your friends and can advertise on their Facebook screen. Other social plugins include: send button, subscribe button, comments, activity feed (showing you what your friends posted on your site), recommendations (everything that starts with “you might also like…”), like box, register button (registering for updates from a site), login button and

Information that Facebook is collecting on you • Name • Age • Gender • Email address • Networks • Photos and videos • Where you’ve been tagged • Which profiles you look at • Who you chat with via Facebook Messenger • Relationship status • “Likes” • List of favourite things • Political affiliation • Which websites you visit and when • Anything you purchase with Facebook Credits • Browser type • Operating system type • IP address • GPS location • User ID • Username

Photo/ the sinister cloud that hung around Winnie the Pooh. So, I decided to get to the bottom of it. On the surface, Facebook is all about socialising, finding friends and staying in touch, but who do you really share your life with? Over the next three issues I am going to investigate how exactly Facebook uses our information. First of all, we need to talk about what Facebook knows about you – and that’s a long list. The company categorises the information they get into three main groups: public data, private data and data about you that your friends made available. Information that will always be public is your name, profile pictures, cover photos, gender, networks, username and user ID. This is one of Facebook’s set rules by which you have to play. Besides these basics, all the information you choose to make public can be seen by everyone who clicks on your profile. You can regulate these setting yourself, either by only sharing status updates, likes, etc.,

Facebook user growth

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0 Dec 04,

Dec 06,

Oct 07,


Jan 09,

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# of users

what your status updates are or what pages you like. But you have to ensure you made the right privacy settings to achieve this. Lastly, there is the information about you that your friends provide, when they tag you in a photo, status update or add you to a group. Every time your name appears somewhere on Facebook it

network can be tracked. Facebook receives data about whose profiles you look at, who you chat with, which games you play, what apps you use, what you like, what you are a fan of, and so much more. With every photo or video you upload, you share metadata that has the time and the date you took the picture or video, what kind of a

facepile (photos of users who have liked your page or signed up to it). Generally speaking, the social network knows a great deal more about you than you would initially think. It truly surprised me to see how much detail they gather about a user’s life, and here comes the most shocking bit; we don’t even know if that’s all they know… In the next part, I will take a look at how Facebook sells all this information, and just so you don’t freak out, this is going to be the good news.

15 September 2012

The Gaudie



Could your cat really be a killer? Alasdair Lane proves the innocence of Felis domesticus and justifies what its recent bad reputation is all about


he word most would attribute to the humble house cat is benign. Their salubrity, in fact, has been touched upon before; stroking a kitty, so they say, can reduce stress and help avoid heart disease. Yes, our feline friends are as harmless as they come, aren’t they? Well no; that’s if the media frenzy surrounding a report published by the Food Standards Agency (FSA) last week, is to be taken at face value. Overnight the cat went from cuddly chum, to as virulent as the vermin they so famously catch, as research carried out by the Advisory Committee on the Microbiological Safety of Food (ACMSF) made headlines. The report revealed that approximately 350,000 Brits a year were being infected with toxoplasmosis, a parasitic disease that is contracted by contact with cat litter or eating contaminated meat, particularly lamb. The parasite responsible for the contagion, Toxoplasma gondii (referred to simply as toxoplasma), is only known to reproduce in the intestine of a cat, and from there is found in their droppings. Considering feline faeces aren’t so much of national delicacy these days, the microbes find themselves in our systems in a number of different Gaudie half page


Photo/ Benjamin Suessmilch ways: poor hygiene when sanitizing cat litter resulting in accidental ingestion for instance, or more commonly from the consumption of contaminated livestock, who have themselves ingested the parasite at some point before slaughter. Just how much of a threat does your tabby pose though? Straight off the bat, experts have estimat07/09/2012 11:46:42

ed that a paltry one-percent of domestic cats carry the parasite. Furthermore, the vast majority of human cases—between 80-90% of the quoted 350,000—show no symptoms from their infection. Of those who do become ill, most have preexisting immunosuppressive conditions, such as AIDS or cancer, as is usually the case with

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parasitic infections. It is, however, critical to note that in these situations toxoplasmosis can have severe and potentially life-threatening symptoms, which, as the research paper comments, makes it “one of the most costly of gastrointestinal infections”. Then there was the particularly chilling link drawn between toxoplasmosis and psychological ailments such as schizophrenia. Despite some recent headlines, the ACMSF’s research does little to warrant such a reaction, firmly stating that there is “insufficient evidence” to statistically prove a behavioural link. What is decidedly more concerning is congenital toxoplasmosis. Though only occurring in between 0.1–0.8%  of pregnancies, up to ten percent of these can result in abortion, miscarriage or neonatal death. Those infants who do survive birth with the infection can suffer from a range of illnesses, from learning difficulties to central nervous system abnormalities. In light of this, however, it is still senseless (and I’m no cat-lover) to demonise the cat community, and would be mad to put an embargo on lamb chops. Sarah O’Brien, Chair of the Advisory Committee on the Microbiological Safety of Food makes this point clear: 

“This report shows that there is more work to be done to estimate how big an issue toxoplasmosis is for the general population … However, as yet there is no evidence to suggest that people generally should change their eating habits, and I think the FSA is right to say that most of the population can continue to enjoy lamb and beef cooked rare.” Following current Government advice is the best option for those concerned: do not eat raw or under-cooked meat; carefully clean kitchenware; wear gloves when changing cat litter to avoid touching the faeces and so on. These steps will minimise the already minute chance of infection. Those in the particularly vulnerable groups must be considerably more careful, and, as common sense dictates, should seek expert advice if particularly troubled by the report. So don’t get in a frenzy and put old Tom up for adoption, bear in mind—as a vitriolic internet response has hammered home—humans spread a lot more diseases than cats!


15 September 2012

The Gaudie

Opine Editor: Alasdair Lane

Reflections from Freshers’ past F

resher’s Week is for one thing and thing one only: getting completely and utterly gazebo’d. There are those who urge caution, moderation and even sobriety when it comes to your first week of University life. I advise you act how I did and be wary of these people, for they are “the beigists”, as Billy Connolly would say. You cannot afford to let this week of debauchery and depravity pass you by because, and I’m speaking from experience, there will never be another week quite like it. From that hallowed week onwards there will always be some obligation you have to attend to, another deadline to meet or an appointment which can’t be missed. Savour the fact that you can do nothing better than turn your student city of choice into one massive seven day riot. I went to foam parties, toga parties, UV parties… and many more I’ve surely forgotten about in my inebriety. Do I regret the sore heads or the next day humiliation? Not a sausage. You may hear advice telling you that it’s a good idea to not follow the pack and opt instead for the alternative Freshers’ Week. This will be right


u p your street i f you like watching French films with your fellow vegetarian eco-communists over a lovely pint of dandelion and burdock. Although you are more likely to meet quality friends by joining a society, this can be done at any time of the year. Fresher’s week is a one-off, take full bloody advantage of it as I did! By James Holland

reshers’ Week will undoubtably be one of the most intensive experiences of your life, whether it’s the endless faces of new people to meet or hardly seeing the daylight as you transform into a creature of the night. Not everyone’s Freshers’ Week is centred around a 3am McDonald’s and no matter what you do during this time it certainly does not make or break your university social career, although it might break your bank! I spent my Freshers’ Week hopping between the bed(rooms) of my now long term

boyfriend and a blonde guy I met on my first day and, somehow, still managed to knit myself a close group of friends. I really don’t recommend the bed-hopping though, as I spent the majority of my time either basking in lustful glory or wallowing in guilt. My friends shook their heads when I explained that I saw my not sleeping with and only kissing blondie - therefore only slightly giving into my wants - as an achievement. What I learnt from my Freshers’ Week was to not go into university with definitive plans or ideals as these will chop and change every day around who you meet, the things you do and the lectures you don’t attend. Ultimately, do not be afraid of chasing your desires and carving your own route - I should know as two years on I’m still with the boy I met on my very first day and what fun we’ve had as individuals and together. This does not mean I advocate cheating, boys and girls, but for the first time in your life you can do what you want - run with it! By Rachel Donald

Rachel Donald, James Holland, Dougie Morgan and Maria Suessmilch recount their own Freshers’ experiences, and offer advice to those just arriving in Aberdeen


o be honest with you, there is nothing quite like being a fresher at university. Meeting new people, living in a new place, being on your own for the first time in your life – doesn’t that sound great? If you would rather answer “no” to this question, then you qualify for free membership at the shy ponies club. Two years ago I was president of that club and terrified of leaving my well-established comfort zone, though I only noticed this when I was already miles away from home and days away from a return flight, so I kind of had to stick around. My piece of advice for our new Freshers is to enjoy the whole week and not get scared by all the new people. I have never m e t one person who tried to bite me or tease me or stab me. Freshers’ Week is there to socialise! Talk to new people, go out on campus every day of the week, go to all the events that interest you and most of all, DON’T BE SHY! Besides getting wasted on the first night, that’s the biggest mistake you could possibly make. I’m talking out of experience here. It’s okay to be nervous when you’re talking

to new people or going to new places and being pushed out of your comfort zone. But you’ll have to get over it if you want to make the

most of your university experience – so start right away! I made wonderful new friends during my Freshers’ Week and even managed to involve myself with the Gaudie by getting my name on their mailing list. But gosh – what an effort it was to go up there and say “hi”, I mean the girl in the red shirt could easily have been a Tuvaluan serial killer. Turns out she wasn’t, thankfully. By Maria Suessmilch


hen one thinks of Freshers’ Week, a plethora of pictures will no doubt glide into one’s mind. The stereotypical images of hedonism that would make Byron baulk are often the most prevalent, and may indeed carry an iota of accuracy; many of my contemporaries are all t o o eager, upon t h e

mention of the word “Freshers’’, to relate (supposedly) witty and insightful

anecdotes concerning their boisterous experiences, many of which have a tendency to end, somewhat bizarrely, with the words, “I woke up the next morning with absolutely no recollection of the previous eve’s frivolities.” Now that’s all well and good if you enjoy that kind of thing, but what of the minority who are cursed with an aversion to the joys of alcohol and clubbing; how are they to spend their week? Well, fortunately enough, there are alternatives for those of us suffering from this debilitation, thanks to the numerous organisations on offer here at our fair institution. My memories of Freshers’ consist of afternoons spent munching sandwiches in the Chaplaincy, signing up for just about every society on offer at the Fayre, and attending a large number of “Give-it-a-Go” events, not to mention evenings spent socialising with the other “Freshers’ Fearties” in the Crombie TV room, an experience made even better by the donuts proffered by the marvellous Student Residents Assistants. So, by all means take the traditional route of hitting the town, but if that’s not your cup of tea then don’t fret, for there are many alternatives. See a show at HMT, go to Codonas, join the Comedy Society – heck, you might even consider writing for the Gaudie. You can do all this and more, and can make just as many friends and have just as much fun; don’t feel the need to follow the crowd. By Dougie Morgan

15 September 2012

The Gaudie



Scotland: a country with pride, but not the prejudice Elias Eiholzer-Silver explains why we’re lucky to be studying and living in Scotland


o, my dear international Freshers, you’ve chosen to study in Scotland. I do hope that you will not limit yourself to the restrictions of an academically dominated lifestyle, but that you will discover, as I did, a country ripe for loving life, for social engagement, cultural growth, and most of all, political adventure. Some of you will have deliberately chosen Scotland as your home for the next three or four years, some of you will have settled for a second choice after finding England uninviting, and some of you will have stumbled upon this haven in an act of complete serendipity. All of you, however, whether you realize it or not, are very lucky indeed to have the possibility of experiencing life in Alba. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not trying to wax lyrical about the many fine sights to see and wonders to behold. I’ll leave that to the tourist office. What I do want to impart to you, however, is a sense of pride in the environment you currently find yourselves in. It is fundamentally different in character in key aspects to any other society in the United Kingdom. Classism, racism, chauvinism, bigotry and imperialism still reign supreme in Westminster, and it is not through folly or imagination that the Union Jack is still heavily associated with oppression and hate. The physical manifestations of the Empire or the aristocracies of Downton Abbey may have vanished from plain sight, yet still live on. “Britain is too strong and too important to cooperate with Europe,” we are told. “The Germans want to control everything,” we are told. Likewise, the foul overspill of

Reaganomics made its way to our shores, and Maggie Thatcher made it possible to be bigoted, racist and classist all in the name of a economic expediency for the upper class, which has moved from

perate machinations of a jealous Westminster - muscled its way into enough self-governance to retain what we know to be important to society. It is in this that pride is to be found, and with any luck, this

vesting in, no matter where I come from - gutter or grandeur. I am proud to be a member of a society wherein one must act as one’s brother’s keeper - regardless the geographical or economic

Aberdeen Tartan Day: a city proud of its heritage Photo/ analuzia_olive (Flickr) its estates and town houses to the upper echelons of English political parties and the penthouse rooms in the financial district flats. I feel that Neoliberalism will be the death of Britain, if the English let it, and most people don’t even know why. But we few fortunate souls find ourselves in a country that by its own hand, agency and determination - despite the des-

will not be new to you. If so, allow me to elaborate further. I am proud to be a member of a society that deems it worthwhile to fully fund my education. Unlike my comrades to the south, I am told that whatever I wish to pursue in my academic curiosity, I have the full approval of my country behind me and the assurance that my intellect is a prospect worth in-

background of said brother, or sister. I am proud that the money missing from my paycheck every week is going somewhere where it will pay for the education or the healthcare or the sheltering of someone more in need than myself, rather than, say, for an illegal war or the bonus of an austerity banker. I find it shocking and shameful to hear some of the po-

litical rhetoric that would have me think otherwise - that those poorer than me find themselves thusly for sloth or greed or immorality. I am proud to be a member of a society that accepts any man or woman as a brother or sister. Civic nationalism is very welcoming, and has brought me, an Oxford born Swiss-American boy, into the very heart of a country I mean to dedicate my future towards. It does not matter where you are from; if you live in Scotland, partake in Scottish society, support your Scottish comrades when they have need, you may fully consider yourself Scottish. The accent is merely the cherry on top. Finally, I am proud to be in a country that recognizes the importance of equality, freedom, and what would seem to be basic human rights, far beyond the track record of any other British country. I am proud of my country’s parliament, where women boast a presence of 34.8% of MSPs, compared to Britain’s parliament, where the figure is a paltry 21.5%. I am proud of my country’s leading party, the SNP, to which the only ethnic-minority MSPs in Holyrood belong. I am proud of my country’s ability to progress beyond the archaic holds of moralizers and clerical hypocrites to be the first country in the British Isles to fully legalize gay marriage. I’m proud of all these things and more. Not many know the song anymore, but the words ring true, and it is inscribed upon our conscience, that the honest man, tho e’er sae poor/is king o’ men for a’ that. And of that as well, I am proud.

Uni must clear the air on its admission process Rob Henthorn questions the University’s integrity in light of their decision not to offer Clearing places to Scottish & EU students


he University of Aberdeen is breaking all its promises on fair access – and AUSA’s backing of the University’s excuses is simply not good enough. On 16 August, Clearing opened for University applicants across the country. Clearing is the chance for would-be students to snap up places at Universities, which they hadn’t picked in the first round of applications. Increasingly, universities keep back a set number of student places to offer exclusively through Clearing, since demand is always so high, and it’s a good opportunity to pick up students with great potential who didn’t consider that institution first time around. This is not the case at the University of Aberdeen. Along with several other Universities in Scotland, Aberdeen’s senior management chose to not open Clearing to Scottish and EU students this year. That is: students who do not pay fees have been barred from applying to the University, while International and “Rest of UK” applicants get the pick of the places. The University defended itself by pointing out the government caps

of funded places, noting that Aberdeen would face a fine if it accepted too many funded-place applicants. And it is true that Scottish funding caps and the manifest unfairness of Westminster’s fees agenda also damages the non-fee-paying applicants. But the strategy Aberdeen has adopted – to arbitrarily block Clearing to a whole tranche of applicants because of their feepaying status – is insidious in its own right, and cannot be explained away as a natural consequence of government policy. The University’s website expresses strong feelings about how admission to courses should be managed. “Admission to the University of Aberdeen is entirely on merit and on the basis of ability to achieve,” boasting “equitable admissions procedures, based on all relevant academic and personal circumstances”. The decision to close Clearing to Scottish and EU applicants has turned them away without taking account of their grades, their potential to succeed or their suitability for the course. They have been turned down exclusively and precisely because

they don’t pay fees. Sure, the funding cap exists, but to blame that for the decision to close Clearing is simply dishonest. The University’s apology asks us to believe that they could not have managed their finances or their funded places well enough to offer some non-fee-paying applicants the chance to study here. There was never a straight choice between closing Clearing and getting fined. And even if there were, it’s outrageous that the University did not speak out sooner. The policy makers in University management would have known months ago that this would happen. It could have been front-page news of every national paper: Students Will Be Barred Unless the Government Acts. Instead, Aberdeen’s managers stayed silent but for retrospective hand-wringing. The University has failed to take appropriate measures to try and stick to its own promises on good admissions practise. We must be ready to point that out, criticise it, and hold the management to account. Our Students’ Association has

failed to do precisely this. The Student President’s statement to the press (circulated on Facebook the same day) parroted the University’s own excuses, deploring only that some applicants would be “unhappy”. What about the applicants locked out of education? What about the University breaking its own guidelines? Statements like these are a betrayal of commitment to fair access, and call into question whether student representatives speak for students or for the University. AUSA and our Sabbatical Officers must do more – far, far more – to speak up for marginalised elements of the student body, and that must include applicants who are arbitrarily turned away by an admissions system that doesn’t care. The University is right to criticise restriction of access by the fees agenda and capping of funded places. But it is not right that we unconditionally support the University management when they make positive statements about access while mismanaging their own admissions process, callously shutting the door on applicants

because of their fees status. If we don’t defend fair access, wherever it is attacked, we can make no improvement at all, and fail to speak in support of students. Backing the University’s excuses is simply not good enough. AUSA must do better.

Disclaimer All opinions expressed in the opine section are those of the authors of the articles, and do not necessarily represent views held by The Gaudie, AUSA, or any company which advertises in The Gaudie

The Gaudie

15 September 2012


Editors: Claire Wheelans & James Valentine

Website Administrator, for anyone who is computer savvy), which will mean we can accept a lot more articles as we will not only be limited by page constraints of the paper. There are plenty of other editorial team posts available, including Photography Editor, Head Copy Editor, Listings Editor and people to be on the Production team so if you’re interested then come along

No bull. Straight talking from KPMG. Graduate Programmes All degree disciplines We close for applications once we are full. To secure a place at KPMG, be sure to apply early. To find out more head straight to:

to our Introductory Talk on Monday 24 September at 7 pm, in Macrobert 051. Two members of our editorial team were also in London this month for the NUS and Amnesty International Media Summit and from what they’ve said the summit was a very rewarding experience and they’re happy they attended.

We voluntarily adhere to the Press Complaints Commission Code of Conduct ( and aim to provide fair and balanced reporting.


ello all, and welcome all to the first edition of The Gaudie this semester, and a special welcome to all first years! I hope that Fresher’s Week is enjoyable for you as it was for us! Be sure to visit us at both the Sports’ and Societies’ Fayres and see how you can get involved with The Gaudie. For all those who don’t know, we print the paper fortnightly on weekends after contributors send us their articles. Its often hard work but the outcome is well worth it. Some big events are going to be happening in Aberdeen this year including the Queen’s visit, to open the library as The Duncan Rice Library in September, in honour of the previous principal of the University. Aberdeen recently finished hosting the British Science Festival, which was a major success for the city with over 250 events taking place, including talks from Professor Brian Cox and Bill Bryson. The Gaudie has seen a lot of improvements and this year that progression is still continuing. We will be constructing our website (there is a post available for the role of

Editorial Team Editors


Claire Wheelans & James Valentine

Head of Production


Maria Suessmilch



Conor Riordan & Tasneem Mahmoud



Konrad Wojnar



Alasdair Lane

Life & Style


Jo Polydoros



Emily Thorburn



Maria Suessmilch



Ryan Ross

Photography Editor


Claire Wheelans

Copy Editor


Josh Doyle



Anne-Claire Deseilligny

Butchart Centre University Road Old Aberdeen AB24 3UT Tel: 01224 272980

Content Deadlines: 27 September, 5pm 11 October, 5pm 25 October, 5pm

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15 September 2012

The Gaudie


The Granite Press Editor: Stuart Hewitt

Whale-eating seagulls to be shot Cameron’s Cabinet to be sponsored by IKEA by police in patrol boats


lesh-eating seagulls that attack southern right whales off the coast of Argentina are to be shot by police in patrol boats. The birds have developed a habit of attacking the endangered mammals in one of their prime breeding grounds. Seagulls off the coast of the Patagonian city of Puerto Madryn have discovered that by pecking at the whales as they come up for air they can create open wounds. Each time the whales then surface gulls swoop down and cut away skin and blubber with their beaks and claws. Aside from the environmental issues, experts also fear it could hit tourist numbers with whalewatching changing from a magical experience to something from a horror movie. Whales are also changing their behaviour in response to the attacks. Instead of breaching the water and dramatically displaying their tails, they rise just barely enough to breathe through their blowholes before descending to safety.

“It’s not just that the gulls are attacking the whales, but that they’re feeding from them, and this way of feeding is a habit that is growing and becoming more frequent,” said Marcelo Bertellotti of the National Patagonia Centre. “It really worries us because the damage they’re doing to the whales is multiplying, especially to infant whales that are born in these waters.”

Environmentalists say the plan is misguided, claiming humans are to blame by creating so much rubbish that the gull population has exploded. They say the only way to effectively reduce the seagull population is to deny the birds food by closing open-air tips around the gulf and stopping fishermen and a nearby seafood packing plant from dumping scraps into the water.

Condom maker claiming to be from Condom, France, is fined


maker of condoms purported to be from the town of Condom in southwestern France has been ordered to pay 10,000 euros ($12,600) for false advertising after the provenance of its prophylactics was found to be Malaysia. “The Original Condom Company” advertised its condoms as coming from the picturesque forested town on the river Baise. However a court in the city of Bordeaux has ordered the firm, run by two Frenchmen, to remove references to the town from its advertising, as only an unoccupied address could be found there. In addition to boldly claiming on its website to be headquartered in Condom, France, “The Original Condom Company” says it’s the “first luxury condom.” Buyers can purchase single condoms, packs of three, or packs of six, which come in a jet-black, engagement ring-like box with gold lettering. TheOriginalCondom. com also gives a brief description of the town of Condom, France, and educates consumers about certain French delicacies, like foie gras.

Condom’s mayor, Bernard Gallardo, said the town of about 7,000 residents has “other advantages” to boast of, besides its name that for years has famously caused English-speaking tourists to stop and pose for photos next to its main sign. “We’re not going to hide our heads in the sand; we won’t prevent people from making a link with the name. But retreating into such notoriety can only compromise the tourism qualities of the town,” Gallardo told Reuters, citing its gastronomy and old mansions. The town of Condom has no connection to the contraceptive device—which in French is called “preservatif,” not condom— however, in 1996, residents embraced the jokes about their name and approved the opening of a condom museum in their town, according to The New York Times. Unfortunately for the town, Francophile tourists passing through might also snigger at the name of the local river, which is French for the activity for which condoms are intended.


irst Lord of the Treasury; Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland; smug dough boy and all round Fruit Ninja champion, David “Candid” Cameron revealed his new cabinet last week in a storm of controversy in its links with Sweden’s only non sex-based chain store. The new cabinet or Mr C’s IKEA Wonderteam of Doom and Policy Enforcement was selected after careful consideration of where to throw the darts at a wall full of pictures of the 303 other Tory MPs in power. The Lib Dem photos were left next to the photocopier. Notable changes to the Wonderteam: Justine Greening, a firm advocate of not building concrete on top of green things, has been kicked out of the Transport Ministry after leaving loads of fag ash and apple cores in her desk drawer. She has been relegated to the Ministry of Poor Foreigners and Windowlene where she will work on the plan to firebomb Africa after stealing all the gold and coltan mines.

Kenneth Clarke has been sacked as Minister of Justice since the discovery of 250 unpaid parking fines and bar bills at Ronnie Scott’s jazz club. Mr Clarke was very distressed at his departure as he had made a sparkly uniform with the initials “MJ” sown into the crotch area. Jeremy “Rhyming Slang” Hunt will become the new Health and Efficiency Secretary after getting a signed permission slip from Rupert Murdoch. He plans to introduce SkyHD+ into every ward in England and Wales by 2015. Hospitals in Scotland and Northern Ireland will get regular Sky+ but with increased pay-per-view sport n’ porn options. Dr Eric Pickles, the 48 stone Communities Secretary, will stay in his post until stronger lifting equipment is found. Mr Cameron was unavailable for comment as were the rest of his team as they’re currently being held captive by Dr Colossus in his jade fortress near the centre of the Earth.

Seals in panties


adies, the next time you’re tempted to cast off your panties in passionate moment on the beach, please, think of the seals. This little critter was nearly strangled to death after getting its neck caught in a woman’s thong. Passerby David Johnson spotted the panicked pup near the Lovers Leap Cliffs in Otago, New Zealand on an afternoon in late July. The animal appeared to be struggling with something around its

bright red G-string thong. Though the conservation workers successfully freed the seal, the New Zealand Herald reported, Fyfe noted that the pup’s fate could have been much worse. “We usually don’t have a second chance when people see things … If we leave [a struggling animal] any length of time, the animal would be gone.” Fyfe also advises caution when discarding any item that may pose a strangulation threat to wildlife. “If it forms a loop,” he said, “cut it.” Though the seal scampered away unscathed, the journey of the dis-

Seal says “Yeah, it’s like panties everywhere, you know?”

neck, the MSN reported. Johnson promptly contacted the Department of Conservation. After an hour-long hike and a steep 230 meter climb, marine ranger Jim Fyfe and another staff member were able to reach the pup, according to the Otago Daily Times. Expecting to find a fishing net or plastic bag around the animal’s neck, the team was surprised to find that the offending object was a

carded underpants was not yet over. In August, the Department of Conservation decided to auction off the thong, the Mirror reported, and donate the money to charity. The panties ultimately sold for $135 NZ (about $107 US). The proceeds went to The Million Dollar Mouse Foundation, an organization dedicated to solving the problem of mouse overpopulation on New Zealand’s Antipodes Islands.


The Gaudie

Life & Style Editor: Jo Polydoros

15 September 2012


Be a beauty savvy with these everyday essentials Emily Hunt shows you how to enjoy spending your loan on those all essential beauty products... responsibly


hen you become an official University student there will be certain important dates that need to be circled, highlighted and underlined in your diary; the dates of each month or semester on which you receive your student loans and grants. These days will be some of, if not the best, days of your student life. The moment you check your account and see that the money has arrived, in effect the world becomes your oyster. I am definitely no financial adviser, I am however, first class at savvy spending. So, here are some ways you may choose to spend your hard earned loan—the necessary, the just because I can and the it seemed a good idea at the time— for Freshers. During your time in Aberdeen it is likely that you will at some point require a trip to the hairdressers. This isn’t always cheap, but it can be if you go to the right places. There are a lot of hairdressers in Aberdeen that offer a student discount and some offer further discounts on particular days. However, if you really want to be money savvy, Aberdeen College Hair and Beauty Academy provides a wide range of beauty treatments by trainee students. These treatments range from a cut and colour to a beard trim. A man’s cut costs a massive £2 and a woman’s, a purse sparing £4. The college also provides mani-

cures, massages and waxing for as little as £2. Do not be put off by the fact that these are trainees, they are very good and chances are, at some point you will let some drunken friend shave or wax your equally drunken self, so why not let someone with a little more experience save you the embarrassment. Check out their website at www. for more information. We all want to look our best when we meet people for the first time, but the majority of us will end up with mascara and lipstick smeared across our faces and fake eyelashes hanging off at some point through freshers. Benefit’s They’re Real! mascara for £18.50 is a definite product to buy, because you can, because it was a good idea at the time and because at 3am when your eyes don’t resemble Alice Cooper, it will still have been a good idea. It lengthens, volumises and curls, with a long lasting smudge proof formula that will stop you looking a hot mess through Freshers’. Go one step further and add some false lashes. Splurge £11.50 on Benefit’s Little flirt lashes or Pin-up lashes (also available in other styles) for your nights out. The lashes are excellent quality and unlike cheaper lashes, Benefit’s are 30 day lashes, which means you can use them up to 30 times! Tried and tested ONE pair will last you the whole


of Freshers. TOP TIP: The girls at Benefit counters are specially trained in applying false lashes, so asking them to apply them for you, saves you the hassle. Drinking, kissing, drinking, kissing... It creates havoc with your lipstick, but again this is easily solved. An essential beauty staple freshers purchase has to be lipcote, the secret to long lasting lipstick.

“Drinking, kissing, drinking, kissing... It creates havoc with your Lipstick, but again this is easily solved.” Lipcote is a transparent glaze that sets your lipstick in place, preventing smudging, fading and the need to top up. To use, first apply your lipstick of choice, blot, apply a coat of lipcote and keep mouth parted to allow for it to dry. Now kiss, drink and eat away without worrying about your lipstick being smeared over your or someone else’s face. Remember as a fully fledged student, you now receive student discount from the majority of stores. Before you buy, ask if they offer student discount and use your University of Aberdeen ID card as a form of valid student ID.


How to make the perfect first impression look Emmi Makiharju hunts for the best fashion buys and where to show them off


ccommodation, degree programmes, societies, and sports clubs; these are a few of the various things you have to worry about when starting university. You have probably been grilled about at least one of these topics by a close relative or a teacher. The topic discussed in this article is, somewhat controversially, left out of prospectuses and open day talks, even though it grieves most students in a new city. What to wear in the important first few weeks of university is no laughing matter, since adding a fashion faux pá to the already nerve racking experience might just send a new student over the edge. To avoid such mental collapses, a short break down of activities and nights out, and their dress codes might be in order, as well as mentioning the limited shopping possibilities Aberdeen has to offer. First impressions are key, and

depending on which group you are looking to infiltrate, Freshers’ Week is the time to do it. Whether


Hollister and Jack Wills are your thing, or you would rather scavenge charity shops for those 90s

threads, Aberdeen’s shopping scene provides some relief. The before mentioned labels can be found amongst shops, such as AB10 that provide to students with a fuller bank account. If you are a hipster and enjoy the finer things in life, make your way to Attic and Concept for your dose of Carhartt and Diesel. Not leaving out the Ebay generation, Aberdeen’s charity shops are surprisingly affordable and you are likely to find real vintage pieces. For the students not willing to dig through bargain baskets or spend a months allowance on an outfit, the ready made fashions of Topshop, H&M and New Look are there waiting for you. Now that you’ve got the look, where should you go to show off your style? The beautiful and the dirty rich gather around TigerTiger and Coco at Babylon. Here you can meet other genetically gifted students wearing their Sun-

day best, and don’t forget to pose for those baby pink tinted photos. The Pearl Lounge and its clientele, however, live by a philosophy of more is more, where another layer of make-up is always needed, and another round of 70 p jagerbombs never hurt anyone. If you want to take your creepers for an outing, Snafu is your best bet. A club full of topknots, Vans and vintage that would make the 80s look tame. Korova is for the tattooed and tough, while Origin is for the chilled out, and if you mix all of these together, you get an average night at Exodus. Nevertheless, before you take my word on it and stick to one club for the entire year, note that this article was very exaggerated and generalised. Experiment and party while you can first-years!

15 September 2012

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Life and Style


My Top

Things not to forget as a Fresher A collective look into the top five things you should not forget as a fresher. We’ve all been there. Being in your first year at university is one of the best years of your life, but there are some all important rules that we must never forget.


Talk to strangers


Check out the societies’ fayres

The friends you make during freshers will be the ones that you have for the next four years. But chose wisely, you don’t want to be the one who misses all the best parties just because of one badly conducted drunken conversation.



Raving with the Freshers: a sort-of guide to Aberdeen’s nightlife Sofiane Kennouche and Emily Thorburn give you the lowdown on Aberdeen’s best student hotspots Sofiane Aberdeen—the “San Sebastian of the North-East”—is a characterised by oil money, a year-round climate of cloudy, rainy 8˚C days and a surprisingly diverse choice of student nightlife. The large number of nightclubs in “Magadeen” are mostly concentrated within close proximity to Union Street. Indie kids love the odd electro/dubstep emanating from Snafu, whilst those looking for a young-money, nouveau riche soirée are catered for by Aurum and Tiger Tiger’s VIP packages, guestlists and unswervingly mainstream playlists. A personal favourite is Exodus; a charmingly shabby club where you can rock up in battered Sambas, a T-shirt and have a cracking night

Emily I have lived in Aberdeen for two years, and in this time I have had the pleasure of sampling most of the nightlife available to us as students here. I’ve had some wonderful nights out, which usually ended in a McDonalds; the best way to end a night out! I’ve also had some terrible ones… but let’s not get into that. For me, and many other students, I would imagine that the following feature in your criteria of a good night out: cheap drinks, decent music and a club where you feel comfortable dancing the night away. If it’s this you are looking for, then I recommend the following night out. It’s a Wednesday, begin by pre-

cobbled streets, not fun in heals, I can tell you!) where the theme of evening is Big Cheese and it is every bit as good as it sounds. Here, you can dance away to your heart’s content all while screaming the lyrics to your favourite tune, including old school Backstreet Boys and

S Club 7. While this may not be to everyone’s taste and others may opt for a night of indie or dub step, it’s one of my favourite ways to spend a Wednesday.

Joining societies and sports clubs are fantastic ways to meet new people and a way to guarantee a constant level of nights out and socialising through the year. But be warned, don’t join too many or you’ll have to deal with an annoying amount of promo emails through the year.


Do the dishes

There is no-doubt you’ll be running out of glasses and living in a pigsty by the time the first night is over. Make sure your flat-mates put their fair share in too though, you don’t want to be the resident housemaid for the year.

Aberdeen University’s straight-talking OAP Agony Aunts solve all your problems

Photo/ Yoshimai (Flickr)


Do some work too

By all means have fun, but you’d be surprised how many people actually manage to fail their exams and have their summers ruined with resits.


Join the Gaudie!

Come along to our introductory evening on 24 September and get involved. What better way to get all the ins and outs on campus and guarantee yourself an amazing night out and lifelong friends.

unrestrained by dress code. Love Child on a Tuesday night is certainly worth a try, as you can jive to Motown classics from Chuck Berry, Marvin Gaye, James Brown and others. For a relaxed night out with cheap drinks, free entry and not a pair of chinos in sight, Exodus can’t be beaten. For those looking for a larger venue, Pearl Lounge is an enjoyable choice. Cheap drinks abound here too, with both Rubaduck and Broke nights popular with sports teams and societies from both RGU and Aberdeen. Despite the dancefloor being stickier than a postit covered in maple syrup, the unique attraction of the club is the “tweet board”, where the Twitterati post messages to #pearlchat for all fellow revellers to see. Last time I visited, I saw such gems as “Happy 16th Dan!!!” “Milk was a bad choice,” and the ill-advised yet wonderfully succinct, “pooping in pearl.” Regardless of where you go this Freshers’, you’ll find somewhere to suit your taste. For your own sake, though, I sincerely hope that your taste is not Priory.

drinking a silly amount (I recommend a bottle of rosé) before heading to Belmont Street, Siberia Vodka Bar in particular. Quite simply, this place is a vodka lovers heaven with over 30 different flavours, ranging from the fabulous such mango or parma violet flavour to the plain bizarre such

My boyfriend and I have gone to different unis and I’m worried about our relationship and how much I’m going to miss him. What should I do? EL

try and keep up with the veterans of your peer group and not only will you end up with a permanent selection of bruises on your knees but probably also a smoker.

Don’t worry about it. Either you’ll stand the test of time and end up seeing each other every week because you didn’t make that many new friends, or you’ll have forgotten all about him by the time you wake up in the morning in the arms of a much better looking man.

Will I meet a lot of diverse people? PJ

I haven’t drunk that much before uni, is it as intense as people say it is? I don’t want to be so drunk that I’m sick. HP Ultimately the amount you drink is down to you and you alone. However, the likelihood is you will

If you live in Hillhead, join some societies, and go to the occasionally lecture to meet the exchange students, then yes. If you live in Crombie/Johnston you already went to a private school so you’re probably screwed. What do I do if I get lost on campus? Follow the cobbles to the nearest building.

Email Ethel & Janice with your problems: Photo/ Chrystal Hastie as chilli (not for the faint hearted, trust me). Try sampling the fruity flavours with lemonade, its divine. Once you are feeling suitably merry and the vodka floating around your veins is enough to keep you warm, I would head to Korova Club (if you can brave the

Check out the brand new Life and Style Facebook Page

24th 14 October 2011

The Gaudie

15 September 2012


Editor: Emily Thorburn

Edinburgh Fringe: Mother Teresa successfully abducted John Lewis offers some advice to those thinking of braving the Edinburgh Fringe

Top 5 Fringe shows


The Fantasist Imagine Night Terrors but stranger. And better written. The Fantasist explores the highs and lows of an artistic woman with bi-polar disorder who imagines that her bedroom comes to life when she’s alone. The story is quite dialogue light, but the look and feel of the tale tell their own story. Very possibly the best thing I saw during my twenty day pilgrimage to Edinburgh, and the ending will leave you with an uncomfortable chill.

he Edinburgh Fringe, established in 1947 as a shameless rebellion against the Edinburgh International Festival, it has become for many in the artistic world the pinnacle of achievement to be seen and well received in this mass of theatrical insanity. Of the 2,695 shows appearing at the Fringe this year; two were from our very own University. 28% of the shows put on during the August-long event are theatrical, of which Centre Stage’s production of Festen can stand and be counted, whilst 1,418 shows at the festival are making their world début, a number to which the Comedy Society’s Let’s Abduct Mother Teresa may be included. In a call towards full disclosure I was one of the merry band of men (and lady folk) involved in the latter. And as Fringe first-timers I can let you in on some of the woe and awol flyers that plagued our run, as well as the joy and pride that percolated through at the feeling of a job well done. As it turns out putting on a show at the Edinburgh Fringe is a bloody night-

Photos/ Adam Cook

mare. Not only do you have to compete with over two and a half thousand shows, but the entire ordeal is draining; mentally, physically and financially. During the festival the native businesses of Edinburgh heartlessly exploit the flood of naïve tourists by putting forward what are affectionately known as their “festival prices”. Want to pay 40% more for a hot dog than you would have done a month ago? This is the place to come! First tip I can find for you therefore is seek out the cheaper places to eat. To be honest, short of Tesco sandwiches, the only place I discovered in my 20 day pilgrimage that remained wallet friendly was Bedlam Theatre at Bristo Square and a few other independently owned cafés. Seek them out and feast on their toasties! The Royal Mile during the festival is a study of contrasts; it’s the place to be seen if you’re a show looking for an audience, and it’s the place to be avoided if you intend to get to where you’re going on time and at anything close to a reasonable walking speed. If you’re the former, seek out a good spot and cling to it like a barnacle. The mile is littered with roadside bollards that can help you be more visible to the passing crowds, though we also discovered making a kilt out of your flyers works just as well. Once your posters finally ar-

r i v e there are many temporary structures that get erected for you to plaster your advertisements to; you’ll want to

work fast though, so the best thing you can hope to invest in, is spray glue. We didn’t do this. We just wish that we had. As for the latte mentioned person-with-a-placeto-be-at, invest in a map (or snag a Fringe brochure which handily have one at the back) and plot out as many diversions around

“It has become for many in the artistic world the pinnacle of achievement to be seen and well received in this mass of theatrical insanity.” the Royal Mile as you can—back streets are your friend! Treat flyers like you would trading cards. Remember you’re flyering against thousands of other shows, and so one of the best ways to get audiences is to befriend members of other shows. If you’re having no luck with a member of the public then try approaching a fellow flyer bearer; in most cases they’ll be glad of the chance to talk about their show in more detail than just what it’s called and at what time it’s on. This then of course is your opportunity to do likewise. Feel free to be hyperbolic when talking about

your show, for all t h e y know it is The Greatest Show in the Galaxy! This strategy worked well for us as we ended u p getting audiences from shows such as The Mechanisms, Miss Marchbanks, and even got some guest spots filled by the Edinburgh Revue! The Fringe is not cheap, many shows can charge £10 – £12 a go, with Alan Davies having the cheek

to charge £20! As such you should take a moment to grab some of the “Free Fringe” booklets you’ll find scattered about the place. The Free Fringe is a bit more of an adventure than the “Mainstream Fringe” as Free Fringe venues can be scattered all over the place, but will usually be found in bars and clubs that have rooms that otherwise wouldn’t be getting used. We ourselves found that we were all the way at the end of Princes Street down in a cellar of all places. Do go with an open heart and an open change purse, as most free Fringe shows will encourage a collection at the end, a good meter is imagine how many stars you would give the show and then drop in a corresponding number of pound coins. Be advised that Free Fringe venues are often ones with borderline extortionate drinks prices, so best stick to tap water in these places. Keep an eye on reviewing websites such as Three Weeks and Broadway Baby, as they are frequently found reviewing shows all the way through the Fringe. If you’re strapped for cash filter through all the four and five star reviews to see what would be most worth your money, and if you don’t agree, leave an audience review, but remember to leave positive feedback, instead of just saying the show was rubbish, tell them how they could have been better. Finally, enjoy your time in Edinburgh. It’s a mad, fast paced and very exciting event and is fully worth the money you will inevitably part with to take part in it, or just to see a friend in a show. Just remember there will be a high volume of tourists about and so best keep your valuables well hidden, if you come across The Elephant House (the coffee shop in which



A Strange Wild Song Making people laugh is a tough job. I speak from experience. Making people laugh for the first twenty minutes of a show without uttering a syllable, is a rare talent worthy of being praised. Rhum and Clay productions have taken the story of a WWII soldier trapped behind enemy lines who discovers three abandoned children. The story plays out as his great grandson is informed three scientists have found his grandfather’s old camera...


Miss Havisham’s Expectations Take one of Dicken’s most instantly recognisable characters and make her self aware. Right now a fair few of you will be going, “Holy crap! Why has no one done that before?” Well it happened this summer and what a performance! Mixing a character’s criticism for her own creator and blending it with her fictional narrative, it’s a play that will open your eyes to what Great Expectations really are.


Inheritance Blues A soulful show full of live jazz and fantastic humour. Three brothers gather at the wake of their father, as each tells the others a tale of their fathers lives, they each begin to question just how much they knew the man. The play doesn’t shy away from the all to real realities that sometimes families just don’t work that well.


the first Harry Potter was written) check some of the names in the graveyard just round the corner, and if you stop anyone and ask “Where’s Edinburgh Castle?” expect to get punched in the face.

Felicity Ward: The Hedgehog Dilemma The Hedgehog Dilemma, as a theory, is not how hedgehogs go about making little hedgehogs, but is the dilemma of whether a hedgehog should brave the cold winter alone, or risk injury by spooning another hedgehog. No, really! Felicity Ward bases and hour of excellent stand up dealing with failed relationships, both her own and others fault. There’s even an hilarious jingle about why you shouldn’t mix alcohol whilst… how to word this... undergoing an activity that sounds a bit like Aer Lingus...

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REVIEWSFilm Lawless Starring: Tom Hardy, Shia LeBeouf, Guy Perece

By Marcin Dobrowolski Lawless is a masterfully made Bmovie. Über-violent, tremendously stylish B-movie with stellar cast, but B-movie nevertheless. The film focuses on the Bondurant brothers: Jack, Forrest and Howard, who own an illegal distillery which produces gallons of moonshine for Chicago’s crime bosses, all against the backdrop of Prohibition-era Franklin County, Virginia. They have to deal with a new, sadistic and corrupt deputy Charlie Rakes, sent from Chicago to put an end to the many bootlegging businesses existing in that area. What follows is a typical gangster story, drizzled with brutal violence, cartoonish characters and a touch of romance. Although Shia LaBeouf gives the best performance of his career as the main protagonist Jack, he is overshadowed by excellent Tom Hardy. Hardy is a very psychical actor, and in here he acts mostly with his body and eyes, rather than

The Imposter Starring: Adam O’Brain

By Marcin Dobrowolski The Imposter tells the story of one of the most interesting and unbelievable scams you’ve ever heard about, but at the same time it makes you feel that by watching it you’re being scammed yourself. The story has a lot in common with the one told in Clint Eastwood’s Changeling, but in reverse. In 1997, Frédéric Bourdin stole the identity of Nicholas Barclay who had disappeared three years earlier, successfully fooling even his closest family. But because the film is narrated by the conman Bourdin himself, there isn’t much space

with words. He once again proves that a good actor does not have to have a lot of dialogue, or screen time for that matter, to completely steal the show. The cartoonish performances stand in direct opposition to the gory violence; shooting, throatcutting and neck-crushing seem to be everyday occurrences in the lives of the characters. The film is saturated with testosterone, and the only female characters, played by Jessica Chastain and Mia Wasikowska, are reduced to a token girlfriend for Forrest and forced-love-interest for Jack respectively. But maybe it’s unfair to hold it against the film given the period and the social setting it depicts. The somewhat typical but fairly interesting story starts to fall

apart in the third act, when many characters, including Gary Oldman’s Floyd Banner, disappear without explanation, never to be seen again; the romances between characters appear out of nowhere and are never fully developed and senseless explosions of total violence become more frequent. There is allegedly a three hour long version of the film, which, if released on DVD and blu-ray could resolve some of the film’s problems. It would be impossible to recommend this film to everyone, as it’s not a movie for the faint of heart, and the plot doesn’t always make sense. But if you can step over some of its shortcomings, Lawless is a very well made, beautifully shot, and excellently scored gangster flick.

left for the mystery. Right from the opening scene Bourdin tells you that he impersonated the boy, and that he was successful at it, which makes you think that there must be more to this story. Unfortunately, there isn’t. The film takes 99 minutes to tell you what you probably already know going into the screening room, either from the trailer or the poster. Which leaves you with the inevitable question: “Why am I watching this?” There is also the matter of ethics. The fact that the film bends down to the criminal whose crime it depicts makes one feel profound disquiet. Bourdin clearly revels in what he did to the family of Nicholas Barclay, he is proud and brags about it with a loathsome smirk. The technique of combining interviews with real people with reenactments of the events described by them doesn’t make things any better, not least because the actors

appearing in them bear uncanny resemblance to the people they are playing. At the beginning you don’t know who you’re watching; actors? real people? But the most controversial aspects of the film are the unjustified accusation that the film throws at the members of Barclay’s family. All afore mentioned things make it very hard to judge this film. The verdict would have to depend on whether the film was meant as a straight forward documentary or was planned as a subversive commentary on documentaries right from its conception. The film fails tremendously as the former and equally greatly succeeds as the latter. All in all, The Imposter is a well made documentary and the universal praise that it gained since its premiere at the Sundance Film Festival suggests that it works with the audiences.

The Bourne Legacy Starring: Jeremy Renner, Rachel Weisz

By Claire Wheelans A spin-off from the Bourne Trilogy, this film takes place at the same time as The Bourne Ultimatum and introduces the character of Aaron Cross, an agent under the covert CIA umbrella program that included Treadstone and Blackbriar. However, Cross soon realises that a government watchdog unit, is shutting down the programs by killing off all of the agents involved. The film gets off to a rather slow start with the audience following Cross as he makes his way through the Alaskan mountains but things begin heating up when the “burning” involves the attempted murder of a biologist who aids Cross in his escape. As the film progresses, the audience learns of Cross’ “enhanced” abilities, which is said to be the result of changes in his chromosomes. However, for those who are not scientifically minded, there is extra effort needed to understand these references as it has a significant function in the movie

The Watch Starring: Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill, Vince Vaughn

By Christian Robshaw

Did any of you watch Attack the Block? The trailers marketed it as a bit of a silly sci-fi comedy about a group of unlikely heroes (estate kids) fighting an alien invasion, but it was much deeper, more poignant, and more insightful than that. The trailers for The Watch marketed it as a bit of a silly sci-fi comedy about a group of unlikely heroes—Ben Stiller’s neighborhood watch—fighting an alien invasion, and that’s exactly what it is. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The Watch is indeed silly, and funny, and it does especially well at creating humour from the small moments; awkward glances, throwaway lines. Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill and Richard Ayoade are all fine comedic actors, and Will Forte and Billy Crudup

but is not clearly explained. The abrupt ending of the film may also lead audiences to dislike the film. The continuous action may lead the audience to expecting an exciting final confrontation, instead it can be seen as almost anti-climatic. Unlike the three previous films, The Bourne Legacy diverts away from an agent trying to uncover the CIA’s wrongdoings, instead the film appears to be one long chase. Certain stunts also appear to have been taken onto this film from the previous three movies. Fans will also be slightly confused by the title, as Bourne does not appear in the film, but after watching the film you learn it is the “legacy of Bourne” and the repercussions of his actions in the third film. The Bourne Legacy does have some positive aspects, however, Jeremy Renner gives a convincing portrayal of a tough and resourceful agent. Renner gives action sequences that could rival the previous Bourne films and he is paving the way for him becoming a new favourite action star. Meanwhile, Rachel Weiz has a more authentic American accent than many other British actors as well as keeping up her favourable portrayals in films and plays less of the “damsel in distress” role in comparison to other female companions in spy films.

enliven their formulaic roles (arrogant police chief, creepy neighbour) with “cromulent” performances. However, the film never seems to quite settle into itself, often coming off more like a series of sketches than a coherent narrative, while at the same time there are far too many subplots pulling in differ-

ent directions, so that the script begins to feel like a first draft. The main plot—the one about the skinstealing alien invaders—is forgotten for a long time in the middle, which I think was supposed to be a joke about how unfocused and impulsive our heroes are, but it stretches believability so far that it feels more like bad writing. The sci-fi elements too, are underdeveloped, with a dull alien design (it’s the prawns from District 9) and an intentionally lazy, hazy explanation for why the aliens are invading (“We’re aliens. It’s what we do.”); in general, it’s less like a finished film and more like listening to two stoned guys shoot the breeze: fun, but dumb.


Arts Shadow Dancer Starring: Clive Owen, Andrea Riseborough

By Emily Thorburn Set during period of political conflict between the IRA and the British Government, Shadow Dancer allows audiences to observe the acting talents of Andrea Riseborough. While primarily set in Northern Ireland, the film starts by following protagonist Colette McVeigh as she leaves a bomb in a London train station and is subsequently caught and questioned. In a bid to protect her young son and avoid a lengthy prison sentence, Colette agrees to become a double agent, feeding information to British police while maintaining her strong alliance with the IRA. Audiences then witness the struggles of Colette’s situation as she is forced to lie to those closest to her, place herself in dangerous situations where she is forced to run from police all while attempting to maintain a level of stability for her young son. Naturally, the film has a romantic element—what good political drama is complete without it—and even goes as far as to have a brief moment of passion with Police Detective Mac (Clive Owen), whose lust and loyalty to Colette go a great

way into securing her freedom. While the film may well be wrapped up in hard casing of the politics and morality of the troubles and offers some troubling torture scenes, entirely justifying its 15 rating, it is ultimately a much more softening tale of a mother’s unconditional love, demonstrating that in a context of war and hatred, this is the constant that will always remain.

The Possession Starring: Jeffery Dean Morgan, Natasha Calis

By Christian Robshaw A few months ago, a friend and I were discussing the monopoly Catholicism seems to have on the demonism subgenre of horror; from The Amityville Horror to Stigmata, everyone, regardless of religious status, seems to have the same instant reaction to demonic phenomena: someone fetch a priest! Yes, even the most ardent anti-Catholics grudgingly admit that when it comes to exorcism, only the Roman Church will do. We were pleasantly surprised, then, to learn of The Possession, a film which totally sticks it to the cultural hegemony by drawing instead on Jewish mythology.

Refreshing! It’s about the only thing about the film which is, and the only practical difference it makes is that the clichéd spooky demontalking is in Hebrew rather than Latin. You could try simply watching The Exorcist with the Hebrew dub track, although to do so would be to miss out on some splendid unintentional laughs. Producer Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead and Drag Me to Hell were supposed to be horror-comedies; while there’s no indication the same is true of The Possession, it would explain why Jeffrey Dean Morgan goes full Nicolas Cage on the absurd line, “Stay away from my kids’ teeth!” (spoken, by the way, to a dentist not a Dybbuk). Still, the rather cool Hebrew toaster, Matisyahu has a memorable turn as an absurdly cool demon hunter, and I think between enjoying him and not taking anything seriously, you could have a lot of fun with this film, and by paying admission, you’re at least creating demand for further multicultural demonism; wouldn’t a movie about an angry djinn or oni be wonderful?

REVIEWSComedy Mark Watson Show: The information (As part of the edinburgh fringe)

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The Gaudie

hard as ever to please his audience and provide an enjoyable evening for all involved. While the price of a ticket, at £15, is at the more expensive end of the comedy market at the Edinburgh Festival, it is certainly a value for money show, full

Music Come of Age The Vaccines Album Release: 03/09/12 Label: columbia rec.

By Eoin Smith When The Vaccines burst onto the scene in 2010, they quickly amassed a dedicated following— including the likes of Alex Kapranos and Marcus Mumford— thanks to their quirky brand of guitar-pop. Debut album What Did You Expect From The Vaccines? capitalised on this, making the four-piece one of the hottest festival properties around. But can Come of Age, the “difficult second album”, live up to expectations? Well... yes and no. While it’s not likely to win over any Vaccinessceptics, those who already enthuse about the band will likely enjoy what they hear. The upbeat indie fun of tracks like opener “No Hope” and single “Teenage Icon” recaptures the spirit of the band’s earlier hits, all catchy hooks and chirpy guitars. Beyond the familiar, though, it’s a mixed bag. “Ghost Town” is a

fairly fun bass-led romp, and “Bad Mood” ticks all the right indie-rock boxes. But the intro to the pseudoWestern “I Always Knew” sounds uncannily like the main riff from The Tornadoes’ “Telstar”, while mid-album track “Weirdo” sounds like it was plucked straight off The Smiths’ reject pile. With an album title like Come of Age, The Vaccines hint at a new found maturity; a new direction for a band who claimed in a recent interview that they want to eschew their indie band status to become proper rock stars. Unfortunately, on this front the record just doesn’t deliver. Yes the guitars sound a bit meatier, and yes there are some good tunes, but it’s all just a bit too samey; a bit bland. Come of Age is firmly rooted in the middle of the road; there’s nothing inherently wrong with it, but there’s nothing particularly special either. But what did you expect from The Vaccines?

Books of big laughs. However, a word of warning to all readers, it is NEVER a good idea to where a salmon pink jacket to a comedy show and sit in the front row. You have been warned.

The Psychopath Test Author: Jon Ronson Genre: Fiction

By Emily Thorburn

By Vincent Eric Price

Welsh comedian Mark Watson begins his show with the interesting tactic of jumping out a box once the audience has been seated. Yes, it’s exactly, like it sounds. Once audiences have got over the initial shock of this entrance, and have finished marveling about how a grown man can fit into such a small box, the stage is set for an enjoyable evening of comedy. In his latest tour, Watson investigates the notion of modern world and how readily available information is. To evidence his point, Watson gives audience members the chance to text and tweet him during the show so that people can find out more about him. Naturally, this leads to some audienceperformer banter, as well as some amusing, casual verbal abuse of audience members. I imagine less amusing for the victim. The next hour proceeds to be filled with light hearted humor with subject matter of stories ranging from Nandos, to a lie about owning a zoo and repetition of the words “roof” and “ham”. Despite his many years of stand up and numerous television appearances, Watson seems to try as

Jon Ronson is a journalist who specialises in stories that are a little different. He found fame in his work Men Who Stare at Goats, where he exposed one of the more interesting investments of the American military. In his latest work he turns his eye to the madness industry. The book, The Psychopath Test, begins with a mystery that is brought to him by a doctor of psychology, his interest is piqued by this enigma and he goes on the hunt for answers taking us with him on his travels to find the elusive author and perhaps an answer. On the way he talks to numerous academics and the word psychopath gets caught in his mind. The book flows from the original mystery (which he manages to partially answer) to the mystery of what makes a psychopath a psychopath. The humorous narrative provided by Ronson has the reader dragged further and further into the questions that blossom from his research and he takes us across the world to find answers. What made me love this book is its flow. It goes from one thing to another, giving amusing anecdotes and en-

gaging facts along the way, the topic changes without jarring against the previous. By the end of The Psychopath Test we are no longer considering the crazy methods of liberal drug happy 60s psychologists, the hate of psychologists held by Scientologists or the suspicious Bob Hare, and his titular test. The topic is now the question of what is madness, and Ronson doesn’t falter looking at the rising number of conditions and their sufferers. The book is definitely funny, keeping you laughing to yourself

“A gripping read, intelligent and hilarious, a must read for any amateur psychologists or sleuths and definitely one for a “to read list”” as you read page after page. The facts are interesting if at times disturbing and scary. The narrative is also poignant and whilst answering most questions it raises, it leaves a few of the bigger ones to the reader to mull over and decide for themselves. A gripping read, intelligent and hilarious, a must read for any amateur psychologists or sleuths and definitely one for a “to read list” in regards to everyone else.

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CREATIVECorner Leaving Amerikaland

Ode to King’s College Brother Oxford and Kin Cambridge Can hold no candle up to thee; For your quiet magnificence Lies in your grand humility.

It was a poem I’d tried to write Frustrated, the wrong angle, traffic signals Winking vaguely menacingly, Blinking at me, trying to make it out All sullied meanings, the wind blew one-way Hot damn, “Leaving Amerikaland” Failure, hard to face, twisting Making real, wrong, the turning away The poem I’d tried to write Thinking of capturing a whole, that big country That great crass complex swell Staring at it receding from a ship leaving port A moment that could be infinite Hold me, keep it golden like Virginia Thinking of a way to say it all in one Stretched out across a vast Midwest and a frontier, a possibility I thought I’d had my luckiest strike yet Watching every Golden Age film Every Jean Harlow thought of Every Lauren Bacall thought of Trying to think of words to say

Whilst others boast and proclaim fame, You stand wonderf’ly reticent; Not bragging, you let history speak, For it proves you as excellent.

Flightless, tender, the tearing asunder and a hooker with a heart of gold. It was a poem I’d tried to write I thought so, epic, the scope of it Amerika lying before me, untamed, wild I was a pioneer with a fiddle and a gypsy song A covered wagon, unconquered, uncertain terrain Amerikaland, the poem I’d tried to write Wrong again, just a farewell, the words I’d heard The self, the hands I’d seemed to hurt Mocked by snow-white pages

In crown’s shadow is genius bred, In halls beyond it is tested; Chapel embraces holy folk, And from you inspiration’s bled.

Words were twisted, forced out, forced in Warped, manipulated, seeming wrong, Bruised, crushed underfoot like shells, Bleeding meaning, leaking out, the page My brains hurt then, brains All over the page, falling apart On everything, it’s it, “Leaving Amerikaland” Abandoned, set up, set down, setbacks I’d suffered before, the Essential failure, humiliated, bruised Leaving “Leaving Amerikaland” behind.

When strolling through the quad, it seems As though the world is centred here; And when we all have drunk our fill, You may release us without fear. When shines the sun on ancient rock, It’s ‘kin to Elphinstone’s sweet smile; Without a word are scholars drawn To come and thrive here for a while.

By Christian Robshaw

By Dougie Morgan Photo/


oday, I felt ready to enter the world of men’s clothing and peruse the sartorial offerings of John Lewis. If you are a man who is yet to do this, I implore you to try. Never before have I felt such satisfaction as when my fingers brushed the folds of those elegant and crisp shirts, or when they were lost in the sands of cashmere sweaters, soft beyond measure. I hadn’t set foot inside John Lewis properly since I was a child, and back then it seemed like a maze to me. All too often, the gleaming tiles of the store’s pathway would lead me past what I sought (a lightsabre for £200, no doubt) and into a labyrinth of dappled light shining through a forest of a thousand different species of lampshade, and chopped up by rotating fans made of hickory and ash. Well, today I walked these department streets with vigour and a sense of purpose. I was conveyed to a spot emblazoned with the words “Men’s Department”. And indeed, it was. I was surrounded by men with chiselled jaws clad in a silvery hue. Suddenly, my beloved Topman, with its pounding and simultaneously obscure yet omnipotent soundtrack became a bizarre and naked thing, something I couldn’t countenance. These men didn’t need the guidance of corporately approved music; they were too content with the succouring bos-

om of this Victorian department store, too content with their own notions and opinions of life, to be swayed by a garish, neon playlist. Suddenly, my clothes became like skeletons in my closet and I was gripped with an urge to hurl a lit match into the bowels of my wardrobe and slam the door behind it.

the hide of a cow on a tanning rack with the urine of a Geordie, then cutting it into strips; I was taken with the romance of the process and that wonderfully reassuring scent of Europe and of experience. I walked on towards an important assembly of robust sweaters and jumpers, of turtleneck, and of

I turned on my heel and left without looking back, for I didn’t need to. I would return there someday (next Sunday). The world was different to me now, I had tasted the waters of tailoring-manhood and they tasted good. They nourished me against the ghastly clothing of today. I began to notice the

- Short Story Sartorial Maturity I meandered through sturdy mahogany stands of tastefully displayed shirts until I found a belt rack. A symphony of aroma courted my nostrils. It was a truly arresting smell. The belts hung like snakes nailed to a door. I could imagine a burly, knotted man curing

buttoned, and of stitch-sturdy. I imagined a group of aproned and barbered men tying them together and testing their strength by tugof-war, and the stalwart, steadfast stitching yielding not one inch. I checked the price of one. It was £120!

number of ridiculous purchases that had been made by decidedly dehydrated men and fathers all across the city. Men with spiky hair, lined faces and pregnant stomachs steamed passed me in tawdry urban-wear. They pushed buggies laden with bags that had

things like “GIO-GOI” and “GSTAR RAW” and “LOCK ‘N LOAD” and “Miles Per Hour” and “Breach Of The Peace” emblazoned across them. Their children clung on for sweet existence (indeed the baby that rendered the buggy a necessity would cling also, for they’d been moved to accommodate a bag full of baseball caps and Allstar trainers). The butt of their jeans would be branded with much the same, as if they were cattle. Their pudgy wives would lumber behind them, smoke issuing from their mouths as they barked things like: “KIEERENN, C’MOWN ISS WHY OR YI WINNA GIT ONY SUPPAAAAR. D’YI HEAR MI?”. It was clear to me that, had these men sought refuge in the warm embrace of a starched shirt or the creases of “Prince of Wales” check from a young age, they would not be married to RAW women yielding sons called Jack Jones. And with that, I thought to myself, when my chiselled jaw is clad in a silvery hue, I hope I am married to her that may give me a John Rocha. Rocha John Rocha, if possible. By Adam S. McIlroy

The Gaudie


Listings Exhibition

Music Aberdeen Chamber Orchestra 30th Anniversary Concert Cowdray Hall, Aberdeen

Display until 13 October Price: Free Entry

15 September 7:30pm Price: £8/ £5 concessions Classical music Listz: Hungarian Rhapsody No2 Mozart: Concerto for Flute and Harp Elgar: Enigma Variations Conductor: Gareth John Leader: Jean Fletcher

Jazz at the Blue Lamp The Blue Lamp 27 September 8:00pm Price: £10, 2 for 1 Student offer Zoe Rahman plays a solo performance in the intimate club atmosphere of the Blue Lamp. Described in The Observer as “a remarkable pianist by any standard”, Zoe Rahman has firmly established herself as one of the brightest stars on the contemporary jazz scene. A vibrant and highly individual pianist/composer, her style is deeply rooted in jazz yet it reflects her classical background, British/Bengali heritage and her very broad musical taste.

Eric Ravilious: Artist, Printmaker, Designer Aberdeen Art Gallery Display until 24 November Price: Free Entry This display features works on paper from the collections by the versatile mid 20th century artist and designer Eric Ravilious. Shown alongside his distinctive watercolour Train Landscape are WWII watercolours and lithographs, a series of wood engravings and pieces from a Wedgwood dinner service, designed by Ravilious in 1937.

Fat Hippy Records Night The Lemon Tree Philharmonia Orchestra performs Beethoven Music Hall

29 September 8:00pm Price: £6

29 September 7:30pm Price: £16.50 – £32.50

Fat Hippy Records present an evening of some of the best local folk rock bands in the run up to the labels ten-year anniversary at the end of October. Critically acclaimed total-thrash-speed-folk legends The Lorelei headline what promises to be a bouncing night with support the from highly respected Amy Sawers, the immensely talented Brothers Reid and popular singer songwriter Craig John Davidson.

The London-based Philharmonia Orchestra tours to Aberdeen with its Principal Conductor, Esa-Pekka Salonen. Juho Pohjonen piano Beethoven Overture, Namensfeier Beethoven Piano Concerto No. 1 Beethoven Symphony No. 6, Pastoral

A Sporting Life Provost Skene’s House Display until 5 January 2013 Price: Free Entry As Olympic fever grips the nation this exhibition looks at historical sportswear from the City’s costume collection.On display are garments which represent a variety of sports which featured in both the summer and winter Olympic Games, including tennis dresses, golfing suits and a late 19th century riding habit.

The House of Annie Lennox Aberdeen Art Gallery Display until 29 September Price: Free Entry Annie Lennox’s success is internationally renowned both for her music and her personal style. This exciting exhibition—with exclusive new content curated by Annie Lennox in partnership with the Gallery—pays tribute to the creativity, style and passion for life of the Aberdeen born artist. It features costumes and accessories worn by Lennox, together with photographs, personal treasures and awards, ephemera from the political campaigns she has championed.

Editor: Maria Suessmilch

Gone Bananas: New Work David Cohen Aberdeen Art Gallery

Originally from the USA, David Cohen trained at Edinburgh College of Art and went on to lecture there from 1965 to 1986. He then became Head of Ceramics at Glasgow School of Art. This show celebrates his 80th birthday and explains his philosophy as well demonstrating his continuing creativity.

15 September 2012

Music Open Day and Freshers Gig The Lemon Tree One up Records ii Music Brewdog Bar 22 September (all day) Evening event: 7:30pm Price: free, £5 for Lemon Tree Events from 7:30pm An all day music event supporting and celebrating the wealth of local talent in the north east of Scotland. Around 20 bands and DJ’s will provide the entertainment with acoustic sets, full band instores, music workshops along with a freshers gig at The Lemon Tree in the evening. With the strength and quality of musicians in the city this day certainly won’t disappoint and will leave you wondering why you didn’t check out the music scene sooner!

Theatre The Cone Gatherers His Majesty’s Theatre 14 – 22 September 7:30pm Price: £18 – £26 This classic Scottish novel tells the tale of two brothers gathering cones in a forest on a Scottish estate in order to replenish the trees felled for the war effort. Neil, and his hunchbacked brother Calum, lead happy and contented lives in these beautiful surroundings, completely detached from the destruction of the Second World War. However, their innocence and happiness is threatened by the dark, obsessive hatred of Duror, the gamekeeper and the deep prejudices of the class system of the time. The obsessions of Duror grow stronger, building to a devastating climax.

Charles Dicken’s The Haunting His Majesty’s Theatre 24 – 29 September 7:30pm Price: £17.50 – £32.50 In an ancient, crumbling mansion, sheltering from the howling winds that tear across the surrounding desolate moorland, two men stumble across a dark and terrifying secret that will change their lives forever.

Pendulum DJ set & Verse The Forum


20 September 12 noon

29 September 11:00pm Price: £10 advance, £15 standard Scottish Electronica legend MYLO is out of his studio to play this very special gig at the Forum! Supported by: Mash (Mixmag) + Greg Gibb (LIB, Snafu)

Florence + the Machine AECC, Aberdeen 9 December 6:30pm (doors) Price: £29.50 + booking fee The award-winning Florence and + Machine have announced that they will perform in Aberdeen later this year. The English indie-rock band behind hits such as Dog Days are Over, Rabbit Heart and the widely acclaimed cover of Candi Staton’s You’ve Got The Love will play the Aberdeen Exhibition and Conference Centre on Sunday 9 December. Brian Horsburgh, AECC’s managing director, said: “This announcement comes hot on the heels of The Killers show announced last week.” ( Tickets will be sold out quickly so make sure you book in time. The box office opens on Friday 14 September, 9am. You can book by calling 08444 779 000 or go online to

27 october 6:30pm Price: £47.25

The Gangster style Freshers Week Flashmob Butcharts

MYLO The Forum

The spotlights this week shine on two special music events. Florence and the Machine as well as the Killers will visit the Granite City to perform at the AECC. Tickets will be up for grabs soon, but make sure you book early as these will be very hot events.

The Killers AECC, Aberdeen

28 September 10:30pm Price: £19.50 (on sale at OneUp Belmont Street) Probably one of the last DJ set played by Pendulum and Verse since the recent band break up. Don’t miss the opportunity to see then one last time!


Ever wanted to get involved in a flashmob?? This is your chance!! Join us and take campus by storm on Thursday 20 September by doing the GANGNAM STYLE Freshers Week flashmob!! The workshop to learn the dance will be 10am Thursday 20 September in Butchart Back Hall and the flashmob will be at 12 noon outside Kings! Open to EVERYONE. Yes, that means YOU freshers! :D Don’t miss out! For more information email: pres.societies@abdn.

American indie rock band The Killers will be coming to Aberdeen as part of a UK arena tour this autumn. Brandon Flowers’ band, whose new album Battle Born is out on 17 September, will play 11 dates, including Aberdeen. They last performed in the northeast as part of their Day and Age World Tour in 2008 when tickets sold out for the gig within five minutes. AECC’s managing director, Brian Horsburgh, said: “It is great news that The Killers are returning to the AECC Arena.” ( You can book by calling 08444 779 000 or go online to Be quick, before they are gone, because sale already started! PS: For all who don’t get tickets: They play in Glasgow on Friday 26 October at the SECC.

15 September 2012


The Gaudie

Editor: Ryan Ross

The month in tweets @OscarPistorious – shapes up for his last ever Olympic event “Looking forward to stepping out tonight and tomorrow for my last and favourite event, The Quarter400m! The Final event of London 2012.” @J_Ennis is thrilled after starring in the Olympic Games this summer “What a fantastic games!! #TeamGB has been incredible! So proud to have been part of it!” @HanahMiley89 – loves the Scottish summer “And I thought winter was supposed to be starting, nice little heat wave we have going on here #sunnyscotland” @chrishoy – is easing himself back into training “Back at the velodrome today &on track for the first time since the Games. Now got that familiar leg ache #loveit” @BeckyWainLH – chooses being an athlete over cheerleader “Knackered! Cheering is tough work :p Now I understand why my parents are always so tired after watching!Definatley prefer being the athlete!” @Marathonchamp – Richard Whitehead prepares for his race with some tunes “Doing playlist for warmup track tonight and just read that @ Coldplay and @jayz will be at closing ceremony; boom sorted! Gonna be on fire!”

Video of the Summer

Team GB’s athletes cover a classic Queen track watch?v=vWMySZa0TzQ


Andy Murray is changing for the best Sports editor Ryan Ross reflects on the development of Andy Murray’s career and ponders what the future could hold


ndy Murray has enjoyed a remarkable summer. After enduring a disappointing defeat in the quarter finals of the French Open to the Spaniard, David Ferrer, Murray bounced back to deliver a strong performance at Wimbledon. It was in London that Murray finally proved he can cut it on the big stage. Ironically though, this did not happen during the Grand Slam event in late June. The Scot went on a solid run all the way to the final, where Roger Federer awaited him. It was the not the first time that Murray had faced the Swiss in the final of a Major tournament. They had previously met in the finals of the US Open in 2008, and the Australian Open in 2010. On both occasions Federer had emerged victorious. This time it was supposed to be different. Murray was the first male Brit to reach the final of Wimbledon since Bunny Austin in 1938. During the match, Murray seemed to cope with the pressure well, even winning the first set. But Federer proved why he’s the greatest ever player and overpowered the Scot to win the final in four sets. It had been a credible performance by Murray and his form was proof that he is deserving of his World Number Four ranking. The month of July had even greater things in store for Murray. This time he was back at Wimbledon to compete in the Olympic Games, representing Great Britain.

Murray hoped to become the first British male to win Gold at the Olympics since Josiah Ritchie in 1908. Murray had demonstrated he had the skill set to win during the Grand Slam event in July. But he had wilted in the final, unable to cope with Federer’s control of play. Now though, Murray thrived on the pressure and soared upon Team GB’s wave of support as he won every game on route to the final, only losing a single set along the way. An old nemesis awaited Murray in the final though. One Roger Federer. The Swiss player hoped to add an elusive gold medal to his glittering trophy collection. In fact, Federer was so desperate to win, it had bec o m e

common knowledge that gold was his major target for the entire 2012 season. The final saw a gripping contest

final.” Having won gold, Murray then went on to claim silver in the Mixed Doubles, playing alongside

Photos/ Carine06 (Flickr) between the two players as Murray looked to avenge his previous defeat. In doing so, the Scot produced some of the best tennis of his career. Murray eased to victory in the first set with a 6-2 win. Federer could not cope with the strength of Murray’s serve and Murray began to take control. Keen to claim victory, Murray roared to 6-1 and 6-4 set wins to claim the gold medal. It was the biggest win in Murray’s career. He said: “It’s number one for me; the biggest win of my life, I have had a lot of tough losses in my career and this is the best way to come back from the Wimbledon

Laura Robson. They lost out to eventual winners Belarus, who’re renowned specialists in the event. It was the perfect summer for the Scottish player. Such success has fuelled belief that Murray is now in the prime of his career and can finally move on to win his first Grand Slam trophy. With the newfound mental strength he exhibited during the Olympics, even his harshest critics will find it difficult to doubt him.

Summer’s sport in short summary It’s been a thrilling summer of British sport, in case you missed anything, Sam Jones has got the headline stories


t has been a fantastic summer of sport, with the entire British public engaged by the London Olympic Games for a whole month. But in-case you’ve missed anything; here is a roundup of the major sporting headlines from the summer months. The Glasgow Rangers were demoted to Scottish Division Three following their demise into liquidation, they now face the task of climbing Scotland’s footballing pyramid to return to the top. Andy Murray won Gold at the Olympic Games and continued his form into the American hardcourt season. Seven time Tour De France winner, Lance Armstrong, was stripped of his titles after a US Court brought legal charges against the cyclist for testing positive for banned drug substances, he chose not to fight the charges. Spain emerged victorious during the European Championships in June, defeating Italy 4-0 in the

of all time with a total of 22 medals. The Scottish Rugby team won all three of their test matches on

Photo/Thomasmackat41 (wikip.) the summer tour in June, defeating Australia, Fiji and Samoa respectively. Finally, Aberdeen FC have begun the new SPL season in similar fashion to last, struggling to score goals. News that the local council rejected their proposed plans for a new training ground linked with a possible stadium move will not have lightened the dark clouds hanging over Pittodrie this summer.

Photo/ SouthEasternStar (Flickr) final, proving that tiki-taka is very much alive. Usain Bolt won three Olympic Gold medals in London, winning both the 100 m and 200 m races, plus helping Jamaica win the men’s 4 x 100 m relay. Michael Phelps retired from competitive swimming by winning four gold and two silver medals, he is now the most successful Olympian

Photo/ Flashing Pedals (Flickr)

Open positions Come and join the team!

Deputy Section Editors


News x2, Features x1, Opine x1, Life and Style x1, Arts x2, Sport x1

Open for all sections

Deputy Section Editors provide our Section Editors with an extra pair of hands, and it’s a great way for students to get involved with the running of the paper. The Deputy Section Editors would be expected to assist with content gathering, editing and other duties specified by the Section Editor. An effective Deputy Section Editor would be enthusiastic, organised and able to work to deadlines. There are no expectations for a set number of hours to work per week but you are expected to be pro-active and hardworking.

We are always on the look for more contributors. Do you have specialist knowledge of a certain area? Do you have a way with words or just want to tell a story? We want you! As a contributor, a wide variety of skills are useful and you can also gain and improve your writing skills along the way. We’re also looking for students to become columnists, so if you have some ideas for a column then email the Gaudie Editor. Join the Gaudie Facebook group and look out for writer’s meetings or email

Photography Editor

Copy Editing Team

Photography Editor x1

Copy Editors

As Photography Editor you would be responsible for sourcing quality, original photos for the paper. Ideally, you would create and maintain a group of eager photographers you can draw upon to provide a wide selection of photographs that would be picked by the relevant Section Editor and the Head of Production. A technical knowledge of cameras, file types and photographic software would be helpful for the position, as well as a good eye for photography.

Copy editors are tasked with scouring the paper for mistakes before it is sent to the printers. We need copy editors to check articles for mistakes but also for mistakes in production, such as wrong page numbers, a caption missing or paragraphs overrunning. As a copy editor you would have to be available on a Sunday afternoon as the paper is sent to the printers Sunday evening.

Website Administrator

Production Team

Website Administrator x1

Production Assistants

As Website Administrator you will be expected to maintain and improve the Gaudie’s website as well as attending to any technical issues with the website. Students applying for this position should have previous experience with information technology and able to work with Apple Mac computers. You will also be enthusiastic, organised and able to work well with others. Previous experience in maintaining would also be favourable. Duties will also include uploading content to the website as discussed by the rest of the editorial team.

Working under our Head of Production, you will work to design and lay out the newspaper pages. We use Adobe InDesign and Photoshop CS5 to create the newspaper. Experience with these programs is helpful but not essential, as training will be provided. Production is such an important part of the paper and as those who have held the title, as Head of Production, will note it is very rewarding. A strong sense of creativity, an aptitude for problem solving and an eye for detail would serve you well in this position.

Listings Editor Copy Editor Section Editor for Listings x1

Copy Editor for the paper x1

As Listings Editor you are responsible for gathering information about local events that will interest readers. You will have to contact local event organisers as well as university societies to learn about their latest events and write 50 words on each. Listings is the smallest section and perfect for all new comers.

A Copy Editor should get angry over missplaced commas, forgotten hyphens and spelling mistakes. You’ll needs to make sure the edition is free of mistakes in spelling and grammar and ensure we have a solid copy editing team who are ready to come in every other Sunday to critically read the Gaudie.

To register your interest in any of these positions email gaudie. with around 200 words on why you would be a suitable candidate. Interviews will be held shortly afterwards. Come along to our first meeting of the year to find out more: Monday 24 September, at 7pm in Macrobert MR051.

Gaudie 15th September 2012  

First edition of the new semester