Case Of The Singing VW Once last week we almost got through the whole day without a crisis. It was the woman of the house who spoiled the record. "If you don't do something to stop the safety belt buzzer on my VW," she said, shakily at dinner. "I am going to develop the dingdongs!" As I do not want a wife with the dingdongs, I promised to look into the matter. I immediately saw what she meant. Even when belted up. the â€˘P warning buzzer continues to operate--steadily, or in rondo, as often found in a sonata. For verification, I had our university type drive the VW to his classes on the hill and think upon the problem. His report: "By lifting your bottom off the seat while driving. you can beat the buzzer. Of course, you sacrifice a certain amount of dignity. One of my professors saw me drive by and later he said: 'Those boils can be mean."'. Also, several students who drive VWs saw him driving scrouch/ ed up, and it caught on. Two of them are now trying to establish a world record for the Guinness book. It is my opinion that there is something amiss in the wiring. The university type. who has an intense sense of history, is conf vinced that this is Germany's way of getting even. I must say, it is an interesting challenge. It is typically American that, when confronted with such a problem, the first in. stinct is to write about it, hoping that it will be made into a movie: 1 The Italians would use the buzzer as a pitch pipe, pile four peoi ple in the car and organize a quartet. The Japanese would copy it, squealing buzzer and all, and sell i for a mobile music box. The Russians would turn it into propaganda as an example o aptalistic Decadence. The Germans would, of course, fix it.
I have tried several approaches. One was to strap Goldie The Dog into the passenger seat. Still the buzzer continues to sound. One lady peered into the car at a red light and became ver enthusiastic. "I bet you could get her on the Johnny Carson Show--he like's singing dogs. â€˘ ***** Since I have been driving the VW, to keep my wife from going dingdong, a slight twitch has developed over my left eye. It has become active since my experiment with Goldie. When she bounces around, the buzzer breaks up into sort of a Morse Code effect. I can't read code, but during the past four days an ex - Little Orphan Annie fan has given me the secret handshake two CIA agents have asked me to lunch, and yesterday I was cited by the FCC for broadcasting without a licehse. I'm going positively dingdong!