FEATURE
There’s just so much to learn... Words by: Clare Bowie
Compromise: eeurghh, it’s so painful and tedious but you’re in this together so you better be ready to take the rough with the smooth. There are going to be times when you have to silence that inner brat and realise that Netflix has to be shared. It’s not all about the wonder of clothes folding; sometimes you have to watch 96 minutes of “Free Solo” where a man might plummet to his death at any moment because your partner actually enjoys that kind of thing. #relaxing Sports: more compromise here, it’s not just Netflix, it’s actually all the channels and all the sports. To be the perfect partner, you must not get offended when he shows actual displays of emotion, happiness and unadulterated sorrow at a missed putt or an own goal, a 146 in snooker or a stalled engine in the Grand Prix. This is a side of him that you will never reach and you must remember that he still loves you, but in a different, closed off, emotionally vacant sort of way. His family are now your family. This is a tricky one but if you want to be a proper team then you have to fend off all the slings and arrows together. If they don’t like you that’s fine, if you don’t like them you better start pretending or it’s just plain awkward for everyone. Put your diva away and hold it together for family celebrations. I mean, that’s pretty much why wine was invented anyway! Drink those feelings. Stop judging: His headaches are going to be worse than yours, his colds will all be the flu and it’s probably easier all round if you just accept this before you go into any relationship. So hold back on the childbirth stories and monthly moaning because his tiny mind can’t handle any sort of pain threshold. Best just to make the right noises and gently tell him to go to bed where it’s easier to ignore all that pathetic whinging about nothing. Problem solved!
BECAUSE QUALITY MATTERS
UPFRONT
Domestic issue: You don’t want to be one of those sad couples who go on and on about toilet seats and bringing out bins. Losing your mind about a toothpaste squeezing policy is not a good look but at the same time lines have to be drawn to keep the passive aggression at bay. You mayhave certain “quirks” regarding dishwasher etiquette and you do not want to be the designated hooverer in the relationship so some things do have to be iron-ed out regarding the, erm ironing etc. Gentle persuasion: Some might call it manipulation but really it’s about openly discussing problems and issues, at least 100 times a day; and, if some people feel themselves to be “worn down” after all those harmless little chats and comments, then it’s pretty clear that you’re on the same page and ready to move forward regarding your “helpful suggestions,” regarding house renovations, decoration, family planning or whatever tiny altercation that may have arisen. #harmony Burgers: You can watch Masterchef together all you want and your partner may well find that a smear of pea puree, infused with black pudding, is the only accompaniment worthy of a pan seared scallop, but listen, that does not change the fact, that when it comes to fine dining, he means a burger with a brioche bun instead of a sesame bap so you can forget any convoluted notions of tasting menus and fancy restaurants because it’s just not going to happen. Knowledge is power and all that. You’re welcome. Decoding: It’s basically true, men are from Mars and Women are from somewhere a lot more complex, sophisticated and interesting so you have to be able to communicate with each other to speak the same language and avoid unnecessary discord. When your partner is rude or angry it simply means he is hungry or upset about the sports. It is actually never really about you so don’t waste your time worrying about it. Life will seem a lot easier now that your complex mind no longer feels needy, naggy or insecure.
Good luck!
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