INTERPERSONAL SAVVY
emphasize that this is your feeling—“I feel that we’re not getting anywhere—can we take a break?” rather than “We’re not getting anywhere.” However, if emotions are running high and you judge that the other person will not voluntarily allow you one—invent a reason to create a time out. You need a glass of water, a toilet break, a cigarette, or to answer an urgent phone call. – Establish your wants versus your needs. Your wants are what you ideally want to get out of the situation, whereas your needs are what you would be willing to accept as a bare minimum. Often we begin discussions by asserting our wants as opposed to our needs. But accepting a solution that still allows you to meet your needs as opposed to your wish list of wants may be enough of a compromise to satisfy both of you. – Generate alternatives. Thinking about your wants versus your needs, try to identify other options for taking the discussion forward. If you aren’t able to come into the office all weekend, would you be willing to take some work home or come in on Saturday morning or Sunday evening? If you can’t attend a particular meeting, could you contribute after the meeting or attend a later meeting in their stead? – Use “If... then ...” statements to suggest your alternatives. “If you could find someone to cover Saturday, then I could cover Sunday.” “If I were to spend a month training someone, then would you let me take the secondment?”
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