your hair is so freaking huge. In fact let me just save you the pain and let’s go down the list together. We used to have, no wait, Now, if you think I’m just laughing at you, oh trust me—I can see myself, and I’m laughing just the same. I like my cool Nike kicks, iPhone, Powerbook, Bluetooth, and skinny jeans of a republic (or religion, or something). I’m fine with laughing at it because defining our place in society is what we humans do. It’s unique to our species. You don’t really ever see a beaver build a dam with a home theater or birds saving up to put a new addition on their nest. Do orangutans take beeswax to style their hair in fanciful ways? Nope. Only we humans use external expression, through style and material possessions, to situate ourselves within our social system. That’s a defining characteristic of an intelligent society. (Well, intelligent is stretching it, but you know what I mean.) I imagine it probably started when caveman Dook was over for dinner at caveman OG’s house and saw the beautiful sofa OG had made out of bison bones and ostrich feathers. Since then, it’s been game on. I’m sure the rat-race for status has ranged from jealousy over a ruby crusted spear to hieroglyphs
detailing the early versions of “Pimp My Cave.” Without obsession over status, I don’t think we’d have ever been blessed with the Great Pyramids or The Parthenon in Greece. I’ll even bet there was a time when you would hear women gossip, “Martha, look at Ruthy showing off with her fancy new wooden teeth! Oh you know, she had them carved so she could smile and get all the men to stare.” You gotta have your bling, so that—without saying it out loud—you can shout, ”I BELONG! In fact, I’M SOMEBODY! Look at all my cool stuff!” So, what does it all mean? I don’t know. Some psycho-theraecono-somebody will analyze us to say it’s all shallow and superficial, that over-consuming could lead to the eventual collapse of our civilization. So, while we can, let’s just sit back and have a good belly laugh at ourselves, back then and right now. Besides, civilization hasn’t collapsed yet. Remember? I’ve time traveled here from the future In fact, I have to get back to 2029. The virtual store is having a huge sale on the newest Titanium fiber-optic pants. And, though I don’t really have the money, EVERYBODY has them. So, you know...
RICK MOORTEN is a Radio Host on WILD 101.1 FM. Check his show out MondayFriday, from 6-10AM. Connect with him on facebook/rickmoorten.
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