he gets an emergency call to operate on an accident victim to save his life. What choice does he have? Choosing one does not mean lack of commitment to the other. The process of making a choice between the two commitments would involve priority, responsibility and duty. Not keeping one over the other would not make the person feel guilty. Probably what the surgeon feels like doing is attending his daughter's graduation. It doesn't matter what he feels like. Commitment involves the 11 elements we talked about before, whether we feel like it or not. Keeping commitment shows strength of character. It takes subordinating our desires to the other person's needs but not his whims and fancies. Needs are essential, whereas desires are infinite. And in case of conflict of needs, one has to prioritize responsibilities and duties. In a relationship such as a marriage, two people are committed to each other. Supposing one develops cancer a year after? Should one feel cheated? Deprived? Resentful? Blame the other person for ruining his / her life? That is not commitment. That is just selfishness. The most painful part of commitment is accepting a breach when it happens. The commitment goes on if the breach results from an error of omission. However, it needs evaluation if it is a result of commission. Breach of omission can be handled with compassion and forgiveness. Whereas the breach of commission says, "You cheat me once, shame on you. You cheat me twice, shame on me." Either way, for one's own self-interest the answer is forgiveness. As they say, "The wounds get healed but the scars remain." Commitments can rarely be kept without forgiveness. For example, a child may betray his parents' trust by lying or cheating. People avoid making commitments because many times they are living for today. WHAT IS OUR GREATEST COMMITMENT? What if we made a commitment that is wrong or unethical inadvertently which totally goes against our values and conscience? That is the time to reevaluate whether or not to go forward. COMMITMENT TO VALUES Loyalties cannot be bought, they are earned. And to whom do we owe loyalties? Is it individuals or organizations? The answer is none of them. We owe loyalties to values. Where the value system is conflicting, people cannot live in the same home, they cannot work in the same organization. When a person makes a commitment of loyalty to either an individual or an organization, what is he really saying? He is saying, "I stand by you because I believe in what you believe in." What if the person I am committed to, be it a leader, spouse, employer, employee becomes a spy for an enemy country? Do I continue my support because I committed earlier? Absolutely not. I am not committed to support unethical and illegal behavior. Unkept commitments lead to: ♦ Broken homes ♦ Abandoned children ♦ Poor relationships ♦ High stress levels
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