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COWCORNER ZAMI ARMY GLOSSY CRCKET MAGAZINE

2011 EDITION

CRICTATOR’S MESSAGE SPOONERISMS MATCH REPORTS CROCODYLIDAE CAMBRIDGE TOUR

BATTLE OF THE WOODS P64 Luke & Suzanne wedding match

Photo discovered without Floris P1 Zami Army Job Centre P21 Sayonara Spoon P6 STRAWBERRY FIELDS AWARD P54 Page 1


CONTENTS: Cricktator’s message, match re Kindly Sponsored by Theo Lindemann & Nick Fowler Special thanks to all the photographers: especially Paul McPhillimy, Keith Ferret, Toon Hintzen Special thanks for your help, support and amusing insights to Toon Hintzen Page

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COWCORNER

FLOCORNER

eports, Cambridge tour, Battle of the woods...

2011: Mad Cows and funny Spoons Magazine created by John Richardson and Nick Fowler Page 3


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VRA ZAMI 2011 PREFACE

All rise for the Great Flotator!

We are delighted to have the honour of introducing another wonderful specimen of the

mythical magazine Cow Corner, the annual retrospection of the VRA ZAMI season 2011. As always quite cunningly put together by Sir Richo the Bookmaker. With in mind our stalwart Mike George, who won the Kappelli Boots Award in 2010, mostly due to his accumulated score of more than 1000 runs in the 2010 season, we are looking at a totally fresh Awardee in 2011. His name will be announced during the Zami Annual Dinner the 5th of November at the VRA Pavilion. And there will be another proud Man wearing these fine boots Sir Garfield Sobers was wearing during many a battle. Another name that jumps to mind, is of course that of Mr. John ‘Spoon’ Readon. By now Spoon will have left the country after eleven years at VRA, not being the least of inert members we have seen over the years. Spoon, so subtle described by one Zami member as ‘a fork in the Land of Soup’, was captain of VRA 3, Head Selector of the Zami and most of all: made us laugh our pants off at many occasions. We all wish Spoon a solid remigration with his newborn son and wife-to-be and of course a strong back, so he may play for the Zami’s when on tour in Gloucestershire 7 -14 July in 2012. Also we saw this season the establishment of Zami 3, energetically lead by Jente van der Heide. A splendid initiative and we hope to meet all the new players coming season in the middle in another Battle of the Woods. Many thanks to all match reporters who contributed so much of the written content of the book. Thanks to all who did the things some of us take for granted behind the scenes: running the bar, the kitchen, the club, maintaining the pitch, preparing for international games, managing funds, coaching players, cleaning up, throwing parties, umpiring, scoring, supporting other VRA teams, supporting Zami teams, listening to endless speeches, putting up boarding, etc. Thanks to Sanne and His Men for organizing the marvellous 8-day Tour to Cambridge. Thanks to our opponents, without whom Saturdays wouldn’t be nearly so much fun. Congratulations to VRA 1 and their awesome Captain Peter Borren who did great things with many of us during net practise. And if I may quote our dear friend and VRA Tour Umpire Mr. Christopher Dean, it gives me great pleasure to once again sum up all the benefits of our glorious game: “Among the many pleasures to be derived from a day spent playing cricket are the satisfaction of being part of a team of fellow-cricketers striving to achieve the best possible result, meeting again old friends (and some we love to hate) among the opposition, the opportunity, if we are young(ish) to develop our skills, or if we are old(ish) to exploit such vestigial skills as time has spared, cricket teas (given precedence over cricket luncheons because, though these are frequently overwhelmingly impressive, they can only have justice done to them with a clear conscience by those whose innings are over, and by those confident of fielding in the slips for the remainder of the first innings - and the former, depending on the number of runs they have scored and the nature of their dismissals, may not find themselves able to focus fully on the delights of the table, the possibility, however remote, of personal success, a day spent in the fresh air, with or without family, usually in beautiful (and child-friendly) surroundings, which have almost always been cared for with palpable devotion.”

Now let me bless this book with bliss, another magnum opus by John Richardson, with kind assistance of some anonymous sponsors. §

Vivat, floreat, crickat!

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Sayonar

Our fork in the k

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ra Spoon Zami Army 2011 wish you well back in the UK

kingdom of soup

As red hot bonkers as a Bolti House Bombay Burner, his impression of Henry Blofeld suffering from burning ass syndrome will, like himself, be sorely missed Page 7


Spoon left ZAMI shores a couple of years ago to captain 3rds but got sick of thinking he was playing in Pakistan instead of the Netherlands. So he came back to the ZAMI begging them for forgiveness. In fact he didn’t miss us... he missed the ZAMI-spirit.

Despite a chronic bad back from his shagging days as a youth, Spoon typifies exactly what it means to be a ZAMI cricketer and squad member. He loves to walk the thin line between sharp wit and biting sarcasm. Who will ever forget the 2002 England tour that was highlighted by Spoons impersonations that led to the Cement Boots and Mugs Clogs legend? Spoon is a true character in the ZAMI cricketing scene and his antics on the field of play are folklore. When Spoon is next in, he always seems to be very distressed waddling around with a serious look on his face. Then when a wicket has fallen, Spoon nervously trots towards the pitch, holding his cricket bat as if he has never seen that piece of willow before. The best described by the Australian Dutch poet Julian Tol: when John Reardon is about to bat, Spoon looks like a fork entering the Land of Soup. Spoon at bat is quite an event. When he comes in to face the bowler there’s only in thing on his mind; that man with the red poison apple is not going to bowl me out first ball! In the hurry to get off the dreaded duck, he throws that big thigh down the wicket and gracefully plays his favourite stroke - the block - and scampers off like a pickpocket in Dam Square. Batting with John Reardon can be fatal. Not for him; for you! Spoon happens to have a fetish for run outs. In 2010 he set a world record of 3 run outs in one match! Poor team mates trudging back to the pavilion is a familiar sight with Spoon standing disbelieving at the other end with a look of ‘it wasn’t my call and it wasn’t my fault’ on his face. Spoon has had tons of injuries. When he didn’t show up on a Saturday to play cricket for sure he had bruised, hurt, wounded and/or damaged himself picking his nose, getting out or bed or making coffee. He’d call you lastminute with yet another excuse. We’ve heard and seen it all before. It has been the knee, the arm, the thumb or the belly button. Don’t forget his left lower back or his ovulary or the back of his frontal lobe. He has broken, battered, busted, fractured and crushed every bone in his body. Page

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The official MCCB 2010 JURY REPORT on John “Spoon” Reardon

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“Fork in hell Spoon will you just forking fork off to forkland�

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Don’t get me started on what he has physically torned and twisted because it is beyond any anatomical belief. Spoon is a sick mind in an injured body. The only thing that regrettably hasn’t snapped in his body are Spoon’s vocal chords. We all know John Reardon has quite a vociferous manner of expression. It various from minute to minute from hilarious to utterly obnoxious. Where Spoon is, you’ll hear the sound of his boisterous laughter. He has a unique and weird sense of humour, solely understood by the master himself. That’s probably why John loves to laugh loud at his own jokes. Barely a sentence is said by mr. Reardon without him laughing uncontrollably at the end of it. Poor thing! Don’t get us wrong: Spoon is ok! Spoon is very ok. We think he’s a nice and likeable lad. We’re not to sure about his brain capacity though. John loves to babble and jabber non-stop. He has not time to reason, rationalise and contemplate. He’s verbally incontinent. It is good to let your thoughts flow and try to transcend the limits of thinking. Not for John Reardon. For big thinkers the sky is the limit, for Spoon it’s his skull. That’s why he wears his cricket helmet day and night; he believes he holds on to great ideas that way. Spoon is very English and a true Londoner but he has lived in Amsterdam for over 10 years now. Believe it or not, he hardly noticed the difference. Only last year John Reardon became aware of the fact Holland is not just another English county! Ever since that discovery Spoon now reasons he’s on a paid holiday in the Netherlands. He has been a happy camper at the Overtoom for a long time. His life has positively changed the last couple of years. In Emma he has found himself a wonderful future wife, he has become the proud daddy of son Harry Floris William and lately he skipped a couple of rungs climbing the career ladder. John will now become a senior project manager at the digital media department of one of the most prestigious advertisement agencies in the world: Ogilvy London. Knowing he had to leave the Dam Spoon came to realize “hoe fantastisch Nederland is en hoeveel hij van Amsterdam houdt”. It was a hard decision to move back to Dear Old Blighty. He’s going to live with his wife and son in Putney, a district in south-west London, as of November 2011. Although Spoon thinks he has good reasons to leave Holland, he’s yet to find out that the best thing coming out of the UK, is a KLM flight to Amsterdam! John, just bear in mind that if things don’t work out in England or at Ogilvy London, you can always consider a career as Super Midget in Page

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the Japanese Dwarf Tossing Pro league. You get to see the world as you will be tossed all over the place and there is some good mini-money to be made… There are many good traits to our man Jean Le Reardan. He is a vibrant and well-rounded member of the ZAMI army for whom he has been a soldier for many a year. While we joke at Spoons eccentric side, it is well worth noting his off-field contributions that have seen win the MCCB Award. Spoon did the thankless task of Chairman of selectors, a task that isn’t easy when you have queues a mile long of people wanting to play ZAMI. It must be his great sense of humour that makes him cope with this huge and massive luxury problem of lining up 2 ZAMI teams, week in, week out. It was Spoon who came up with puzzling player rating algorithms that resulted in an ingenious selecting system, which is still used by professor doctor Fowler today. Spoon deserved his MCCB Award 2010 nomination for a job very well done indeed: three years of selecting well balanced ZAMI 1 and ZAMI 2 teams! John Reardon, you have been a loyal Sat Comedian as of 2010. But you’ve also helped VRA with designing the first club website and you’ve captained VRA 3 for two years. First and foremost you have been a great ambassador of the ZAMI cricket scene. Therefore it is our honour to honour you with the honourable and prestigious Mugs Clogs & Cement Boots Award 2010. Congrats Spoon, you are very deserving of this award. It was and is good to have you in our midst. You will be missed! We wish all the best on the side of the Channel. Your home country might be England but for sure your hometown will always be Amsterdam. See you in England next where you will join the ranks of The VRA Touring Army! Het ga je goed Sat Comedian. We salute you John “Spoon” Reardon and remember: old ZAMI soldiers never die…… Mugsy & The Statue, October 2011 Page 15


It is with great sadness that Holland, Amsterdam but more importantly the VRA Comedians and ZAMI has lost one of the true characters in John ‘Spoon’ Reardon back to Old Blighty at the end of season 2011.

J

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Yeeeeeeeessss!

ohn has been a member of the VRA ZAMI army for as long as anyone could remember, being one of the very first buitenlanders to be a permanent ZAMI fixture, he was aptly labelled a ‘mercenary’ by the mercurial Floris Kappelle. Flo was a man with a bee in his bonnet about the damn foreigners whom would come to Holland for a year or so, play cricket and enjoy all the spoils that VRA had to offer, then disappear into the abyss never to be seen again. As our man Spoon testified, this was not the case at all! Why was Spoon nicknamed Spoon?!? Well he earned that nickname one Thursday in the VRA nets in early season 2001 when the tension was high and intensity as thick as the cigar smoke wafting from a clown on the balcony. The banter had been genuine and stinging amongst the group of mercenaries that graced the VRA ZAMI in those halcyon days of the early noughties. John Reardon (as he was known in those few minutes before he lost his real name forever) was labelling the Australian contingents bowling as buffet, and was trying to get the name to stick to one of the Aussie boys. It simply didn’t stick. When John waddled into the nets with that irrepressible duck arse of his, the sledging started in a way only Aussies know how. Terrified by the new found venom in the so called ‘buffet’ attack, John was reaching out with his bat and ‘spooning’ the balls in dolly fashion to where regulation mid-on and mid-off would be. Added to that a few soft C&B’s and the incoming was like a scene from Vietnam in the early 70’s. A yell from the antipodes labelled his cricket as ‘spooning’ and from that day on, the man with a waddle was affably known simply as ‘Spoon’. Spoon played cricket in a manner that only one person could play it: as Spoon. A man with so many intricacies and unique traits as Spoon is yet to be found. They were all priceless. Of course it started with the high pitched shriek of his voice, that pommy twang giving his vocal chords some serious clout to burst any eardrum. Then there was the incredible backside. Then there was the stylish waddle that went with this amazing rump and when the two worked in unison, seeing our man Spoon waddle out to the middle was a sight to behold. But it only got better. There was the calling. After 30 balls we were all still waiting with Spoon... for him to get off the mark! For his innings were all about one stroke. The forward defence bat and pad. The bowler would come streaming in, and the big hoof would come planting down the wicket,

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bat tucked right next to the pad. More often than not the cherry hit the pads, but because he was so far down the wicket it was hard to send him waddling. This was his stock shot. His personal wagon wheel looked like.....well nothing except a million dots around the crease. He was sturdy and he was solid. He was waiting, waiting, more waiting, still waitin. He was Spoon! Spoon was also a bowler of sorts, until his back gave way. Too much shagging? Umm we think not, at least in the early days! He would form a devastating partnership with other ZAMI sheiks of tweak in Messrs. Richardson and Kappelle and more often than not used to return solid figures of 0-60 from 4  . Spoon was also a master of chatting in the field, never afraid to give his often-blinkered opinion to batsmen and teammates alike. He was a master slipper, using his big paws to grass many a dolly chance… but Spoon did excel in one area... and that was off the field.

Spoon was an out and out 3rd innings man. It was here he could unleash his vitriolic diatribe on everything from politics to women, from the Dutch to Dutch cricket. If there was an issue, Spoon had an opinion. There were many times Spoon would be in raucous debate with a ZAMI brother at 2am under the clock, trying to extol the virtues of some issue that in reality mattered little to the way the world spun. I am sure so many ZAMI – be they VRA or from other teams – agree that sitting on the terrace with Spoon, having his sense of humour well oiled by the steady flow of amber nectar, was truly a grand experience. He would hit a point where he managed to raise his voice over all others, commanding the crowd as his shrieks outdid the decibels of flights zooming over the Amsterdamse Bos. Oh yes, Spoon could get your attention. Spoon would steadfastly defend the virtues of English sporting teams, despite the fact that for a long time so many of them were (and still are) an utter rabble. Under Dutch skies he found himself defending the indefensible, the horrible, the inept, the overated. However he never dodged his responsibility, and held is upper lip ‘pommyness’ with pride, the union jack proudly tattooed to his magnificent backside. Unfortunately for him his many good antipodean mates fled Amsterdam when the worm finally turned, as England sat (and still sit) on top of the world in cricket and he had no one to ‘spoon’. Jammer. He was left to deal with the Dutch whom beat his world champions in T20, and then march into a world cup football final. They let him know too. Spoon’s departure from Holland will leave a lasting legacy with VRA and the ZAMI community within. His lengthy spell from the late 90’s until 2011, left its mark from his zany cricket antics but also from his dedication behind the scenes with the day-to-day running of the team selections. Often a thankless task Spoon did it for years with aplomb. He was never afraid to help out when he could. But most of all Spoon will be missed because of the person that he is. A damn good bloke. However all is not lost. For a fearless tourist has returned to his native soil with a job to do. He will form an inexorable part of future touring parties, ensuring that when the ZAMI come flying out of the trenches and into cricketing battle, the dulcet tones of a man with as tylish talent might be waiting. Whoever was lucky enough to tour the UK in 2002 with the VRA ZAMI Army and play at Balcolmbe CC, saw and heard a remarkable skill behind the microphone, that a decade on still brings chuckles of laughter upon reflection of that great day. Maybe, just maybe one day in the future when VRA invade the UK again, Spoon might dust off the mike and become Geoffrey Boycott again... Mugsy Page 17


THE ZAMI ARMY 2009 CRICKET SEASON DIGEST

THE HOWLER RESIDENCE 2011.

HOME TO FIRST HANGOVER OF THE SEASON

On a day in early April 2011 when the sun prematurely ejaculated itself out of the dark, satanic, wintery clouds, the Zami Army crawled through the Amsterdam jungle from their enforced hibernation at Coco’s Outback bar to celebrate the beginning of the new season at Nick Fowler’s castle. Their reward? Cold beer, amazing food and a rousing speech by the great orator himself, El CRICKTATOR. Cutting though the excited crowd like an elegant Nile steamship (his regal nose sniffing the offending air filled with the alien stench of gout-riddled foreign bodies) he wobbled uneasy on his willowed stilts and let rip with a swashbuckling speech reminiscent of a rare rum—one waisted on the unrefined and ignorant pallets of the great unwashed in his captive audience. He thanked our generous hosts Jackie and Nick, and was then award The Nobel Pitch Prize 2011 for his contribution to fielding. Theo presented his supreme excellence with a panoramic picture of a field. The Flotator then declared the bar open and the Great Army rewarded itself with its first hangover of the season.

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The ZAMI ARMY Job Centre Wanted:

Chairman of Zami Selection Committee, 2012 Skills required: • Advanced secretarial skills • 24/7 availability • Patience to read e-mails about every unavailable team member’s personal plans for the weekend, e.g. about weddings/family re-unions/stag-nights that they will be attending in the UK • Flexibility and positive attitude to deal with team-mates that cancel at the last moment or that initially forgot to tell you their personal plans for the weekend but then will in great detail • Even more flexibility and positive attitude to comply with the whims of your superiors who know that without their mandated adjustments their team will not win • Cold personality and constitution of steel to ignore without sentimentalism the desperate pleas of excluded crap players when you have enough players already • Megalomaniacal tendencies a plus

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Job description:

• Sunday: send out e-mail asking whether availability details are correct. Receive e-mails from people telling you that they have recently been made redundant, so please use new e-mail address instead. • Monday: receive lots of e-mails about unavailable team members’ personal plans for the weekend, e.g. about weddings/family re-unions/stag-nights that they will be attending in the UK • Tuesday: receive lots more e-mails from unavailable team members. Reply politely but succinctly to all e-mails received since Sunday. Propose initial team selection to superiors. • Wednesday: receive whimsical e-mails from superiors who know that without their mandated adjustments their team will not win. • Thursday: defer to superiors just to be able to live a peaceful life. E-mail final team selections. • Friday: receive e-mails from team captains who believe that without their proposed adjustments their team will not win. Reply to team captains saying that they make good points but that your word is final. Receive more e-mails from unavailable team members about their personal plans for the weekend and their crap reasons why they didn’t tell you earlier. • Saturday: Spend half the morning on the phone with frustrated • captains and random people aged 8-88 who may or may not know the rules of cricket but who may be able to make up your numbers. Play cricket. • Sunday: repeat the cycle above, ad nauseam, until the season is over

Please apply:

(friends and family only) to: Inside Job@ Zami HQ, Kangeroo Court, 1 MyWay or the Highway, Nepotism, Netherlands. Page 21


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ZAMI MATCH REPORTS 2011

Big Zami thanks to everyone who ‘volunteered’ to write match reports this year. And those unsung heros, the scorers. Love your work. Page 23


Paul Polak arrives in the middle of the pitch in his stretched limo and steps out with an armful of babes and is about to cut the first blade of grass of the 2011 season. Page

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ZAMI 1 REPORT, Saturday 7 May 2011

VRA Zami 1 - Groen Geel

Zami I begint sterk by Sander Kempen After a cold and long winter, the Zami-I squad awoke on the 7th of may. This year the season’s start was a real treat. The weather conditions were near optimal and we had a home game against the much liked competitor Groen Geel! Playing on the first ground would have been even better, but having the Zami II playing on the far away ABN AMRO pitch was a much welcome compensation. We started the game fielding. We had hoped that Groen Geel had been able to bring 12 players as well, but as it turned out they only brought 10, so we had to turn in Sanne Salomons (who happened to be quite spectacular at bat) to even the playing field. Fielding on the whole looked pretty easy that particular Saturday in May. I can remember Maarten Slagter making as much as three catches (only two using his hands), but there were more players who miraculously happened to find the ball in their hands. All in all we took all of their wickets catching, except for two that fell by our excellent bowling. In particular, I would like to mention Niek Bertholet who was more than impressive and Ruurt Schreuder who seemed quite willing to hurt our opponent. But also Nick Fowler took two important wickets. At lunch we could enjoy our delicious sandwiches leaning back and thinking about a mere 139 runs we had to chase to settle the match in our favor. Batting also turned out to be quite do-able. We started (as seemed dictated by tradition) with Mike George and Louis Collignon. Louis apparently still had to come to terms with the new all-white club uniform and went out after only a few runs. Much unlike Mike George, who decided that this first match of the season would present an excellent chance to set a virtually unassailable standard for himself. At the end of the match Mike was still NOT OUT and well past his half century (in runs of course). Congratulations are in order. Third in the batting line up was Sander Kempen who seized this once in a lifetime opportunity (going in at three) to practise staying at bat for as long as possible. Two shots almost made it directly over the boundary, one of which was cought and had him replaced by Phil Yisrael. This proud fellow was in good shape, and sent shot after shot over the boundary, but to retire somewhere between thirty and fourty runs. The fifth and last man to enter the arena was Paul McPhillimy, who didn’t seem to have his usual Herculanean form, but wielded enough discipline to be NOT OUT when the score of the opponent was overtaken. We concluded this excellent saturday with some great sunny beers on the lovely pavilion and were treated royal class dinner until late. §

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 7 May 2011

VRA Zami 2 - HCC Zami

Report from Zami 2 by Julian Molenaar Het was een mooie dag op het ABN veld. Wel moet gezegd dat het infield niet zo goed was door alle kiezels maar daarentegen was het wel een snel outfield. We begonnen met batten en maakte 241 runs. Na de lunch gingen we het veld in. Abbas en Joost waren onze openings bowlers. Joost pakte een mooie vang en Abbas nam later in de game een paar mooie wickets. Al met al was het een leuke match. We speelden wel zo’n ander half uur langer door alle extras (100+) maar ja dat zij zo. J. Molenaar pakte ook een mooi wicket dat erg belangrijk was voor de wedstrijd maar bowlde later in de wedstrijd minder. Wij bowlden HCC Zami 1 all out op 226 runs en wonnen dus. Het was toch een fijne dag met een overwinning op een veld vol stof en stenen. Met een beetje regen zal het er op maandag wel een modderboel zijn maar ja dat zij dan zo...§

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ZAMI 1 REPORT, Saturday 14 May 2011

VRA Zami 1 - Quick Haag

Zami 1 wint ook...

by Michael Blockland

Quick Haag zami 237-8 (35 overs). VRA zami 1 238-8 (34.1 overs)

You might think the symbols above are just a lot of jibberish. In fact the symbols represent

an ancient naval communication-method known as “morse-code”. Each letter contains a different sequence of dots and lines. The three dots represent the S and three lines represent an O. A ship in distress would signal “save-our-souls” to nearby ships hoping that they could be rescued in time. The same could also apply to the cricket-match played on Saturday May 14th. Not knowing how the pitch on astroturf would bounce, captain Willem van Mierlo very wisely decided to field first. VRA rotated the bowlers quickly (2 overs each) to keep the Quick batsmen guessing. A tactic that yielded a very early wicket, Phil Yisrael catching an edge off Nick Fowler’s bowling. Unfortunately for VRA this tactic didn’t quite remain as efficient as one would’ve thought. Several bowlers were hit for six when Captain van Mierlo used his first SOS-distress signal. Jeroen “SOS” Mulder appeared out of nowhere and bowled some very tight overs. The run rate of Quick Haag dropped slightly, but still a breakthrough couldn’t be made. The breakthrough came when Theo Lindeman had the opportunity to throw the ball at the stumps 3 meters away from him. Theo decided that this was too easy and threw the ball into the stumps at the bowler’s end (which was about 23 meters away from him). Direct hit and the Quick batsman was dismissed after having scored 49 runs. This proved to be a decisive breakthrough as more wickets were starting to fall. Paul McPhillimy had a very good day, taking three wickets in seven overs. Theo Lindeman took another two catches and Jeroen “SOS” Mulder ended with two wickets. In the final few overs Quick Haag slogged their way to a final score of 237 for 8. A target of 238 seemed to be a difficult chase for VRA. Mike George and Phil Yisrael opened the batting, but very soon Mike (2) fell trying to heave a ball over covers. Captain van Mierlo sent in Sanne Salomons at numer three who batted quite sensibly (17 runs) with Phil (25), but couldn’t stay in very long. The VRA ship appeared to be sinking a bit further when Paul McPhillimy (4) and Captain van Mierlo (golden duck) were dismissed and the score was 55 for 5. The lifeboats were prepared and the second SOS-signal of the day was telegraphed. Jeroen “SOS” Mulder heard the cry of his captain and stepped up together with Louis Collignon. At first it seemed that he had some trouble reading the Quick Haag bowlers, who (despite their name) only used slow bowlers. Jeroen and Louis first batted carefully but eventually found their “mojo”. SOS started hitting fours and sixes with considerable ease. Since VRA still needed about 180 runs Quick Haag was not panicking yet. This changed when SOS kept scoring 20-odd runs per over. Soon SOS and Louis shared a 100-run partnership and hope grew back in the minds of VRA. Louis (15 runs) departed at 176 and the dismissal of Nick Fowler (golden duck) ensured that the game wasn’t won yet. SOS was joined by Mijndert van der Spek and they kept hitting the Quick bowlers for a torrent of boundaries. At this point the Quick-captain was sending out his SOS-signal but no-one responded. The Quick-ship was taking a beating by SOS and Spek. Unfortunately, SOS fell when the score was 231 so he couldn’t finish the job in style. The winning runs were hit by Mijndert.

To no surprise SOS was named Man of the Match and rescuer of his captain, having scored 134 runs (10 sixes, 12 fours )!!! § Page

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 14 May 2011

VRA Zami 2 - Beating Bats

Zami 2 wint op VOC van Beating Bats VRA Zami 2 188 for 7 - Beating Bats 187 for 9

by Joost ‘Bushman’ Dekkers Saturday May 14th 2011 – A memorable victory...

After a solid season start last week (win over HCC Zami 1) VRA Zami 2 was facing Beating

Bats this Saturday. After solving some minor ad hoc logistic problems (thanks Ruurt Schreuder and Nick Fowler for your effort on the selection and transportation job!) during a cup of coffee at Wildschut, VRA Zami 2 drove to VOC Rotterdam; on their way to a memorable and nailbiting victory... Captain Joost Dekkers lost the toss on a windy field in Rotterdam and Beating Bats elected to bat first. Swaroop Bantwal (1-0-32-7) and Niek Bertholet (1-0-24-5) were entrusted with the new ball and Mike Reir was posted behind the stumps. Niek took a wicket with his first ball to dismiss the Beating Bats openings batsman; full toss – hoick – catch Huib Bier! Beating Bats were struggling to score runs at the accurate bowling, but did not lose any more wickets. After a solid start for VRA Zami 2 Joost Dekkers (1-0-27-5) was smacked for 16 runs in the 15th over by Jelger Gustafsson. Joost got his revenge the next over and the danger batsman of Beating Bats was caught by Jasjit Sobti on the cow corner boundary. Ronald Noronha (3-2-23-7) took over and he bowled with aggression and pace. He was supported by Jasjit Sobti (3-0-40-7), who also bowled well with good variation and batsmen were dismissed again. Julian Molenaar and John Richardson were a bit inaccurate and therefore expensive and only bowled 2 overs each. After 35 overs Beating Bats put a total of 187 for the loss of 9 wickets on the board. A satisfying total looking at the batting line up of VRA Zami 2 thanks to very good and sharp fielding including 7 (Joost 2, Bertholet, Molenaar, Akkerman, Bier, Sobti) catches! Mike Reir (13) and Floris Kappelle (18) opened the batting and got off to a good start. After 10 overs there were 39 runs on the board without any wickets lost. In the 11th over however things turned around and Mike was dismissed caught behind. Volken Akkerman (10) came in, but he got clean bowled in just 3 overs. Soon after that Floris and Huib Bier (1) also were sent back. Halfway after 17 overs VRA Zami 2 were on 60 runs for the loss of 4 wickets. JJ Sobti (60) was briefly supported by debutant Bastiaan Dubois (2) before Ronald Noronha (17) came in. They played sensible cricket; scoring a boundary on the losener and running singles on the other deliveries. Ronald got a bit to eager in the 25th over and at a total of 113 he was stumped after missing a juicy slow ball and replaced by Bantwal Swaroop (32*). Bantwal and JJ brought VRA Zami 2 really back into this. They showed perfect running between the wickets and fiercely punished the bowler on the bad ball. After over 30 VRA Zami was on 147 with 4 wickets in hand and a required runrate of 8,2. Beating Bats started to get nervous and there were more drops, overthrows, wides, etc. The other VRA Zami 2 players scoring, umpiring, cheering, etc. were also geting nervous... Next over JJ and Swaroop scored 7 runs, in over 32 they added 10 runs and in over 33 they put an extra 11 runs on the board... So 12 balls remaining and 13 runs needed.... Over 34: 4 single runs, 2 wides and a boundaryshot for 4! :Last over, 6 balls and 3 runs needed... Page

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Openingsbowler bowls - hitting the pads of JJ – big appeal – out! JJ getting out LBW after a great score of 60... In comes Joost... 5 balls remaining and 3 runs needed... Openingsbowler bowls his second ball of the over... Dangerous outswinger... But a bit too short... Joost moving forward in a big stride... Extra backlift... And a textbook square cutting drive (or driving cut; who cares)... Too fast for the man at point... Out of reach for the man at coverpoint... Quick running between the wickets by Swaroop and Joost... Chasing the ball by Beating Bats fielders... But no change for them... 3 runs! 188, all done, comfortable victory (4 balls left) by VRA Zami 2... Next match Saturday May 21th: ACC at home. The other unbeaten team in this league...§

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ZAMI 1 REPORT, Saturday 21 May 2011

VRA Zami 1 - Rood en Wit VRA Zami 1 wins vs Rood & Wit Zami at home by Mike George A game of 4 quarters

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aptain Willem van Mierlo won the toss and elected to bat. With a 2-0 winning record so far, and a bright sunny day in prospect at the ABN AMRO ground, batting openers Mike George and Maarten Slagter took to the field with experience and optimism aplenty (a.k.a. old age and unrealistic expectations). Some deliberate leg-side bowling saw them both go early, with Mike stumped off a wide and Maarten gloving a leg glance to the keeper. 2 wickets were down with the score only just into double figures. No worries though, as the hero of last week Jeroen (SoS) Mulder came in to join the rock solid Phil Yisreal. And rock solid they both were. Even with the ball at the canal end whistling past noses both batsmen were unmoved, and the score and scoring rate progressed through the 3/4/5 to nearing 6 an over, with Jeroen in particular punishing any bad ball by despatching them with ease over the boundary ropes. At the time of the half-way water break the score had passed 100 and with a strong batting line-up still to come, a score of 200+ seemed very much on the cards. Water has that nasty habit of taking wickets though, and almost inexplicably, whilst going so well, both batsmen succumbed to across the line shots only to hear the dreaded death rattle of leather on stumps in their wake. Nonetheless with Phil’s 39 and Jeroen’s 49 (shame on you SoS!) an excellent platform had been set up for our strong late middle order. Real life though is what happens when you’ve made other plans, and sadly our strong late line up couldn’t live up to it’s billing as only Swaroop with a very creditable 28 not out was the only other batsmen to even threaten double figures. So a target of 179 it was and that would have to be enough. Quick wickets were now essential and indeed the first one fell quickly as Swaroop clean bowled the first opener. But that was it. Numbers 2 and 3 for R&W, whilst clearly students of the hockey school of cricket batting, kept finding the middle of their bats and also the gaps in the field. At their water break they were 98 for 1 and cruising. VRA heads are not so easily put down though and after a gathering together at the half-way point Zami players remembered the previous week and came back ready for the fight. Willem’s decision to bowl his bowlers in short spells finally paid off as our VRA virgin Ross Mair was given his 3 over burst and dismissed both danger men. Mike chipped in at the other end, as his final over of 3 saw an lbw plus a magnificent run out combination from SoS and Theo. Suddenly VRA were in the box seat as R&W were 5 down with 60, now very uncomfortable runs, still to get. And now they had to face VRA’s best bowling. Phil, Jeroen, Willem and particularly Swaroop were not prepared to give any quarter and R&W collapsed under the pressure bowled out 20+ runs short of their target. Swaroop finished on 3 for 21 off his 7 overs and, combined with his earlier batting, rightly took the Man-of-the-Match Kappelli Boots points. Two other men worth noting were our come-back-kid Jan-Philip Korthals Altes who bowled and batted with his usual classy style (if not too successfully this time) and Michiel Blokland who fielded like a demon even when disappointed not to face the R&W bowling. However, most credit goes to the Zami I team as a whole. They trust in each other, and when the situation most demands it, truly do play as a team. Well done boys. No reminders needed next time. Cricket is a funny old game, and is never over until Toon Hintsen starts singing! § Page

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After 16 lagers and a Bolti House Bombay Bottom Burner Spoon starts to fall asleep and count welsh sheep.

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 21 May 2011

VRA Zami 2 - ACC Zami VRA Zami 2 wins vs ACC Zami by Joost Dekkers

For the first time in many a year, VRA Zami 2 got to play a real cricket derby versus ACC

Zami last Saturday. Just like your favorite VRA team, ZAMI 2, ACC has won two out of two matches. The winner of this match was sure to be topping the league that very Saturday evening. VRA Zami 2 knew that beating ACC would be very difficult indeed yet not impossible. It proved to be a hard-fought ‘battle’... The cricket lawn of what once used to be ACC’s main ground, was ‘ruim two kontjes hoog’. The outfield was ‘slow als een snail op een teerton’ and we wondered why Ron Top c.s. hadn’t given this ground a ‘shave’. At least some quality work by Paul Polak had turned the pitch into a gymnastics arena. VRA Zami 2 was ready, fit and all fired up to start this Mokum match when Anthony Lynch showed up. Apart from being stylish late and looking like a drunk dipsomaniac with an alcohol problem he forgot to bring us treats as it was his birthday, the selfish bastard! Captain Joost Dekkers won the toss and decided to bat first. Bob Jan Spits, playing his first match of the season, and good old Floris Kappelle were opening the batting and got off to a solid start. In the 9th over however Floris was a bit to eager trying to get Bob Jan at the strikers end and called for a quick single. Bob Jan Spits disagreed and send Floris Kappelle back. Too late, Floris was run out (12 runs). Volken Akkerman came in, but misjugded a yorker and was cleaned for 12 after a few overs. Matchreport-dangerman and Zami-clown Johnny Richardson was posted at nr 4 but was caught on a skyer after two deliveries but managed to score a brilliant duck. Meanwhile, Bob Jan Spits steadily continued making runs. He got out caught behind in the 15th over and scored a mere 27 runs. So now, two fresh batsmen had to take possesion of the pitch: Jasjit Sobti and Abbas Jaffri. JJ immediately started pushing for quick singles. Abbas had a slower start but after a few overs he had his eye on the ball as well. At the drink break VRA Zami 2 were on a meagre score of 64 for 4 in 17 overs. JJ and Abbas decided to speed things up. They started hitting boundaries, much to the dislike of the ACC fielders. After 25 overs, there were 126 runs on the scoreboard with six wickets in hand. Then, suddenly, both batsmen got in the zone. Much to the delight of their teammates and the spectators, JJ and Abbas shifted into extra gear and unleashed hell on the ACC bowlers. They scored an incredible 122 runs in 10 overs!!! Both Abbas (86 runs) and JJ (91 runs) finished the Zami 2 batting innings in style. An absolute display of aggressive and dominant batting put a score of 248 for 4 on the board at lunch time! A very good knock and a ditto partnership by JJ and Abbas. We predicted it much to be a very defendable total but ACC is a strong side with well renowned cricketers. (Anthony Lynch, Thomas Spits, Joost Dekkers, Toon Hintzen, Julian Molenaar and Niek Bertholet DNB) Page

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 21 May 2011

VRA Zami 2 - ACC Zami VRA Zami 2 wins vs ACC Zami After a fine lunch with Dutch kroketten en knakworsten, VRA Zami 2 started a bit nonchalant thinking it was all done and over. The smell of yet another victory and the lure of 3d innings jugs of beer plus a copious diner made them lose focus. Anthony Lynch and Niek Bertholet openend the bowling. Anthony bowled really well on his birthday, ending up with strong figures of 0-3-7-6, but Niek (0-0-15-2) at the other end was struggling to find line and length. After 2 overs Julian Molenaar (0-0-293) took over but bowled rather inacurate as well. Joost Dekkers (0-0-17-4) and Abbas Jaffri (2-0-20-6) had better control over the ball. The ACC batsmen were struggling with Abbas’ inswingers. After 17 overs ACC scored some 80 runs. The two dangermen of ACC, Tony van Leeuwen en Guido Dukker, were at bat. They seemed to like JJ’s offspin (0-0-73-7) just a bit too much. ACC president Guido tried to revenge JJ’s 91* and hit 6 sixes of his bowling. Sloppy fielding (particularly too many drops) was not helping either. ACC made clear that this game was not won yet! Finally VRA Zami 2 woke up. Thomas Spits bowled really well and made it very difficult for ACC to score boundaries. Thomas Spits (3-0-42-7) had not played a match so far this season, but showed (like his brother Bob Jan Spits at bat) that practice is overrated. ACC couldn’t chase. They were far from the run-rate required. In 35 overs they scored 206 for 6. It meant yet another victory for VRA Zami 2 this season! We’ve won three out of three matches and now lead that funny little ZAMI 4 league. Be warned; Beating Bats is seeking to retaliate the match they’ve lost in R’dam last week and surely ACC will be well prepared when they host us at het Loopveld next month! Lets enjoy our cricket and see what comes. Winning is fine, playing cricket is best. Afterwards we enjoyed a superb meal (thanks to Dennis and Jessie) on VRA’s lovely terrace. It was an absoulte delight to be amidst our ACC Zami friends as we hadn’t played them for 5 or 6 years. We appreciated the company of the R&W usual suspects aka the R&W Renegades and our beloved VRA Dames 1. Highlight was the celebration of Anthony Lynch’s birthday. Nobby was visibly moved by the speeches and gifts (thanks Toon Hintzen). May Father Nobby be with us forever. Amen! Ach, het was erna nog lang onrustig in het Amsterdamse Bos….. § Page 35


ZAMI 1 REPORT, Saturday 28 May 2011

VRA Zami I loses first game vs Quick Haag by Maarten Slagter VRA ZAMI 1 -225 v 5 in 35 overs Quick Haag ZAMI 1 -226 v 3 in .. overs Song title : One ice pack for 66 cricketers Chorus: I am not to blame, ik ben het probleem I am not to blame, ik ben het probleem 1. I stumbled out of bed I got ready for the struggle I smoked a cigarette And I tightened up my gut I said this can’t be me Must be my double And I can’t forget, I can’t forget I can’t forget but I don’t remember what Chorus: I am not to blame, ik ben het probleem I am not to blame, ik ben het probleem 2. I can’t Stand It, I know you planned It I’m a set It straight this watergate I can’t stand rockin’ when I’m in this place because I feel disgrace because you’re all in my face what could it be, it’s all a mirage you’re scheming on a thing that’s sabotage Chorus: I am not to blame, ik ben het probleem I am not to blame, ik ben het probleem 3. I would rather crawl home then take a taxi I got troubled thoughts And the self-esteem to match What a catch what a catch Hey look! Catch you catch you catch me catch me Absolutely! It’s our destiny. It suits us well. Yeah! Nice to meet you good to see you surely! I won’t give in to anyone. I’ll be No. 1, No. 1, No. 1, No. 1 in the world to you! Chorus: I am not to blame, ik ben het probleem I am not to blame, ik ben het probleem §

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 28 May 2011

VRA Zami 2 - Beating Bats

VRA Zami II - Beating Bats deel 1 by Toon Hintzen

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a de eclatante zege op ACC van 21 mei, wachtte ZAMI 2 vandaag de thuiswedstrijd tegen het getergde Beating Bats. Twee weken geleden delfde dit clubje vermeende manspersonen uit Zestienhoven e.o. het onderspit op VOC na een buitengewoon spannende wedstrijd. Joost Dekkers bracht het belegen Rotterdamse studenten-collectief toen hoogstpersoonlijk de genadeklap toe. In de allerlaatste over van deze memorabele doch bijzonder korte captain’s innings, sleepte Yeast Coverers ternauwernood de overwinning weg vlak voor de poorten van een dreigende Rotterdamse hel. Beating Bats was dus uit op een sportieve wraak en verscheen dan ook op oorlogssterkte in het Amsterdamse Bos. Aangezien aanvoerder Joost Dekkers zich voor een Gestalt-weekend had teruggetrokken in het pittoreske Brugge, liet hij de honneurs aan Bob Jan Spits. Met het (h)eerlijke soort van Amsterdamse arrogantie liet Bob Jan als gelegenheids-captain de toss aan de Beating Bats. Aanvoerder Jelger Gustafsson gaf er de voorkeur aan eerst te batten. Dat hebben ze geweten... Omdat het gros van de harde kern van het VRA ZAMI 2 keurkorps dit weekeinde verstek had moeten laten gaan, was een beroep gedaan op twee jeugdspelers; Wahhab Ahmed en Bilal Ahmad. Bij gelegenheid mochten zij de bowlerij openen en niet onverdienstelijk. Beiden hielden goed de druk op de ketel waar Bilal ook nog gretig twee wickets nam. Een goed verstaander begrijpt het al; het batten van de Zestienhovers liet over het algemeen te wensen over. Het openings paar Gustafsson-Delfos faalde jammerlijk. De MS Gustafsson leed zeer spoedig schipbreuk in de onstuimige wateren achter het wicket nadat kapitein Jelger strandde op de Spitse klippen van Bob Jan. Ook Jurgen Delfos ging weldra zeer stijlvol run out na een superbe actie van flits fielder Paul Adamiak. Het kaltstellen van deze twee danger-men leek de opmaat naar een 10 over bowl-out. Dit alles werd vanaf de zijlijn met veel plezier aanschouwd door Floris Kappelle. Het schijnt dat hij op dokters’ attest niet mag fielden. Hij wil er niet over uitwijden. Ter steun en vol begrip, leg ik hem voor als geen ander te weten, dat overgewicht je ernstig kan hinderen bij het fielden. Als ik opper dat het wel erg goed is voor de vetverbranding, trekt hij een vies gezicht. Floris beweert dan ook om andere onduidelijke medische redenen niet deel te mogen nemen aan onze fielding innings. Het is en blijft met mysteriën omgeven dus wij lieten zowel Floris alsmede die dubieuze medische gesteldheid rustig geworden. Het moet gezegd dat Floris als betrokken teamgenoot ter compensatie wèl nauwgezet ons scorebook bijhoudt, hij verandert over-na-over de stand op de telegraaf, brengt zijn fieldende teamgenoten halverwege de innings heerlijk fris water, loopt uit bijgeloof kloksgewijs zijn rondes om het veld, houdt zo nu en dan halt om exact de juiste bemoedigende woorden te spreken en ordent bij terugkomst compulsief wel 30 keer alle crickettassen langs de zijlijn. Heel waardevol dus. Page

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Fielden en excessief bewegen met zijn teamgenoten, dat is er niet bij voor Flo maar het is zeer prettig om te ervaren dat hij op zijn manier betrokken blijft bij het team... zo vanaf de zijlijn. Terug naar het verloop van de 1e innings. Het fielden van VRA ZAMI 2 was wederom zeer fanatiek en efficiÍnt. Men was uiterst scherp en er waren nauwelijks misfields en overthrows. Tezamen met de degelijke bowlerij van Ross Mair, Paul Adamiak, Swaroop Bantwal, Thomas Spits en Mark Gray stonden de slagmannen der Beating Bats bij voortduring onder druk. Tsja, dan ga die Rotterdammers fouten maken. VRA ZAMI 2 voorkwam met een knap staaltje pressie cricket dat de 200-runs-grens werd gepasseerd door de Beating Bats. De gentleman Moynick, de heer Faasen en Tedje Veenman tillen uiteindelijk de Beating Bats score naar 185 runs voor het verlies van 9 wickets in 35 overs. Toch heel respectabel, de staat van het outfield indachtig. Wordt vervolgd (?) § Page 39


ZAMI 1 REPORT, Saturday 4 June 2011

VRA Zami 2 - Groen Geel

VRA Zami I verslaat Groen Geel by Paul McPhillimy

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n a glorious June day VRA ZAMI I traveled south to Wassenaar to take on Groen Geel in our penultimate game in the first group stage of the ZAMI league knowing that only victory would be enough to keep us in the hunt for the top spot. Groen Geel won the toss put us in to bat. With an experimental opening line up who were instructed by the captain to take a few balls to get used to the tennis ball bounce on the narrow Groen Geel strip then try to smack the leather off the ball‌ Agent Mulder and Sander Kempen strode confidently to the center and did exactly that. Both batsmen rode their luck on occasion with some well-timed (read mis-timed) drop shots in to the gaps as well as some powerful swats to the boundary. and kept the score board ticking at 6 an over for the first 6 overs overs Agent (12) and Sander (18) fell in quick succession bringing Sanne and Phil Yisrael to the crease to the crease, Sanne with his trade mark wristy hockey sweep and Phils naturally aggressive style pushed the score on to 78 off 17 before Sanne (15) ran himself out. This brought Paul McPhillimy to the crease. Who struggled with the bounce early on but managed push the ball around well picking up singles allowing Phil to take the strike and keep the score board ticking over. Phil batted magnificently for his much deserved half century finally falling for a total of 67 and a partnership of 87 in 12 overs. This brought Jeroen SOS Mulder to the crease who after taking a few balls to get used to the bounce got hold of a loose ball and dispatched it clear over the boundary before hitting one with the precision of a US drone missile to Nick ter Marsch at deep square leg who held on to a good catch. This brought Nick Fowler to the crease and Paul and Nick saw out the remaining overs with Paul 61 not out and Nick 6 not out and a final total of 210 off 35 overs. withthe pick of the bowlers van der Meer with figures of 7-1-22-1 After a tea of sandwiches, cake and team the second innings started and Groen Geel started very well with the opening pair of Krabbendam and de Bueger batting very well punishing some loose bowling and swatting the ball to the boundary with regular ease keeping up to the needed run rate of 6 and over. Knowing that Groen Geel still had there batting power houses still in the hutch VRA needed a break through and quickly and with the score on 92-0 in the 18th over it came from the introduction of Paul McPhillimy into the attack who with his first ball of the game tempted the other opener with a juicy half volley, which he gratefully smashed to the boundary, the second ball was dispatched towards the square leg boundary but the safe hands of Sander Kempen were there to snag the catch, Louis Collignon at the other end managed to dismiss the new Batsmen to the crease without troubling the scorer.

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Paul then dismissed the dangerous M. ter Marsch before a great piece of fielding from Jeroen SOS Mulder who from about 30 odd yards, side on and aiming at a single peg made a tremendous direct hit to run out Krabbendam for a great innings of 40. This meant 2 of Groen Geel best batsmen were at the crease in Nick ter Marsch and Pete Smulders, but Paul was in good form and in his next 2 overs managed to remove Nick and Pete ending up with figures of 5-0-15-4 with all 4 being caught, before being cruelly taken out of the attack chasing down his first Michelle (Pfeiffer, ok for those still struggling‌ Five..fer‌ ) for VRA by the draconian captain van Mierlo.

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 4 June 2011

VRA Zami 2 - HCC Zami 1

Zami II lost to HCC Zami I by Toon Hintzen Jongstleden zaterdag maakte het VRA ZAMI II keurkorps zijn opwachting bij de Koninklijke HCC. Een prachtige helblauwe hemel overkoepelde de zonovergoten hofstad. Tot op dat moment leek alles mee te zitten en het moet dan ook gezegd in oud Hagenees: we hadden er zin an! Met enige vertraging verscheen ook aanvoerder Joost Dekkers, ondersteund door niemand minder dan ZAMI chef-logistics Ruurt Schreuder. Joost leek een gebroken man. De reden werd ons duidelijk toen Yeast Coverers uit zijn jas zomaar een arm in het gips toverde. Just like that! Door een blessure, opgelopen tijdens een net practice, is hij de komende weken uitgeschakeld met een chromatische overnaadse lateraal fractuur van de linkerhand. Trouw als hij is aan de teambelangen, komt hij braaf supporteren. Namens ZAMI II, beterschap! Is Joost verhinderd, dan dient Volken Akkerman als vice-captain het roer dus over te nemen. De Friese Viking schitterde in het Haagse echter door niets dan afwezigheid. Recidiverende hernia klachten maakte het hem onmogelijk te spelen, zo begreep ik. Namens ZAMI II, beterschap! Bij gebrek aan leiding meende Huib Bier de rol van aanvoerder maar op zich te moeten nemen. Wat onhandig poogde hij zijn captaincy aan ons op te dringen met een onnavolgbaar wedstrijdplan. Als geoefend vertegenwoordiger in bakstenen, schudt Huib moeiteloos een verkoopverhaal uit de mouw. Een reeks bijzonder flauwe grappen passeert de revue als hij naarstig poogt zijn aanvoerderschap-van-de-dag aan ons te slijten. Het was ergens een beetje sneu. Dus Huib, namens ZAMI II van harte beterschap! Nee hoor, de eerlijkheid gebiedt mij te zeggen, dat wij zijn gestuntel en gestamel wel geestig vonden en gaven Huib Bier dus het voordeel van de twijfel. Huib zou deze prachtige dag aanvoerder worden. Dat wij daarmee onszelf het nadeel van de zekerheid gaven, zou later die middag op pijnlijke wijze blijken. Huib neemt het aanvoerderschap aanvankelijk namelijk bijzonder serieus. De toss voltrekt zich dan ook zeer protocolair. Nadat hij deze heeft gewonnen van HCC captain Martijn Bordewijk, verlaat Huibert onder begeleiding van vaandeldragers, een harmonie, twee fanfares en een fijne selectie aan majorettes, statig het hoofdveld van HCC. Tot tranen toe geroerd komt hij de kleedkamer binnen. “Een goede toss is de halve winst”, zo snikt de goeierd. Hij overspoelt ons met Breukelse monetaire wijsheden als “je moet altijd met de wind mee tossen” en “laat de munt altijd het werk doen” en “nooit naar je toe tossen maar altijd van je af” etcetera enzovoorts. Al verkledend laten wij Huib verbaal rustig doorpruttelen. Hij gaat er helemaal in op. Als hij 20 minuten later weer wat bij zinnen is, vraag ik hem wat hij als winnaar van de toss nu eigenlijk heeft gekozen: eerst batten of fielden? Er volgt geen eensluidend antwoord. In authentieke Huibiaanse stijl, volgt er een onnavolgbare verhandeling. Hierin poogt hij ons duidelijk te maken, dat de keuze tussen eerst fielden of batten van talloze factoren afhangt. Zoals de kwaliteit van het graswicket op het 2e HCC veld - welke hij reeds aan een grondig onderzoek had onderworpen - en of er geen hinderlijke

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 4 June 2011

ochtend-cracks (!?!) zijn gevonden op de pitch, of de bounce wel in orde is, of het hoge gras in de inner circle niet te vochtig is, of het te kort gemaaide outfield niet al te zeer zal uitdrogen in de namiddag, etcetera enzovoorts. Wanneer Ruurtje Schreuder heer Bier onderbreekt met de verrassende mededeling dat veld 2 van HCC in zijn totaliteit toch echt uit niets dan kunstgras bestaat, kijkt Huib hem een paar seconden meewarig aan. Hij lijkt even beheurlijk van zijn a propos maar herstelt zich verbazingwekkend snel. Huib verkeert duidelijk vaker in dit soort ongemakkelijke situaties. Door veel schade en dito schande is Huib stukken wijzer geworden dus schijnbaar onaangedaan verkondigt hij met luide stem, dat HCC eerst gaat fielden, daarmee Ruurt’s opmerking over het kunstgras volledig negerend. Voorts deelt hij mee, dat hij ernstig geworsteld heeft met de keuze van de openers. Wanneer hij verkondigt dat Floris Kappelle en Mike Rier zijn verkozen, vinden wij dat allen een zeer gewaagde en uiterst verrassende keuze van Huipie; het oogst alom respect en bewondering. Flo op 1 en Mike op 2 in plaats van andersom; hoe verzin je het, hoe kom je erop en hoe subliem bedacht! Dan citeert Huib Cruijff: “soms liggen oplossingen zo voor de hand, dat je er volledig doorheen kijkt.” Er wordt spontaan geapplaudiseerd. Huib wordt gecomplimenteerd en krijgt links en rechts schouderklopjes. Briljant idee Bier! Als wij na enige tijd collectief beseffen, dat de door Huib voorgestelde wijziging van “the order of openeners” feitelijk niet bijster veel uitmaakt, gaan we beschaamd weer over tot de orde van die dag. Door Huib’s opdwepende enthousiasme verloren wij de werkelijkheid uit het oog. We werden even mee gesleurd in een golf van groepseuforie. De magier Bier wist ons kortstondig te zinsbegoochelen (?!?) maar wij hadden beter moeten weten. Huib’s opmerkingen en redeneringen staan wel vaker haaks op de logica. Ach, waar wij als team mee omgaan, worden we mee besmet... Als immer, lag het tweede veld van de Koninklijke HCC er weer gekunsteld bij. Het “luscious plastic green” nodigt niet bepaald uit om bespeeld te mogen worden. Dit synthetische sportveld is niet zandingestrooid maar het ligt bezaaid met kleine zwarte rubberen balletjes. Dit moeten voorkomen dat je bij een sliding je knieën openhaalt ofwel na een diving catch, het aantal schaafwonden op je handen niet meer kan tellen. Dit zwarte grut heeft echter als bijwerking, dat het vanaf 25 graden Celsius ernstig chemisch gaan zweten en rieken. Je kunt er stekende hoofdpijn van krijgen zoals Marnix Hazeweijer en ondergetekende ondervonden. Andere lieden staan op zeker moment in het veld alsof ze iets teveel tijd in een “medicinale” koffieshop hebben doorgebracht. Wat het zwarte rubber ook moge zijn, het is en blijft een naar en onbestemd goedje. De chemische walmen die vrijkomen zijn op den duur ietwat bedwelmend. Met een beetje fantasie hoor en zie je op den duur Pink Floyd in voltallige bezetting, boven op het dak van HCC’s clubhuis “live” het zeer toepasselijke Comfortably Numb inzetten… Terug naar de wedstrijd! Zoals gemeld, Floris Kappelle als batsman 1 en Mike Rier bats man 2 mochten het spits afbijten. Anders dan de vorige week, konden beide heren vandaag geen potten breken tegen de Haagse aanval. Tezamen scoorden zij slechts 10 runs. Met Thomas Spits en Rens Mulder aan bat leek het er aanvankelijk op, dat zij de runrate een stevige boost zouden geven. Thomas Spits had sinds de aanvang van dit cricket seizoen, nog niet de gelegenheid gehad om te batten. 2010 was in crickettechnisch opzicht dramatisch slecht verlopen voor Tommy. Hij had zich hier in 2011 reeds bowlend voor gerevancheerd met zeer puike cijfers, de twee voorgaande wedstrijden. Dat hij ook het batten niet was verleerd, liet de Wizard of the Wagon Wheel van kiet af aan blijken. Uiterst beheerst plaatste hij het >> Page 43


ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 4 June 2011

Zami II lost to HCC Zami I (cont..forever) by Toon Hintzen rode leer in de vrije ruimtes. Zonder al te groot risico duwde hij meermaals met zijn massief eiken Kookaburra de bal over de boundary. Batting partner Rens Mulder had tot dusverre bat noch bal beroerd dit seizoen. Een faire mix van talent, instinct, inzicht en spiergeheugen maakte dat Rens een snelle en zeer verdienstelijke 35 runs op het bord zette. Hij werd uiteindelijk verschalkt door een sluw balletje van oude rot Nicholas Nass. Teleurgesteld en wat ontstemd mocht Rens Mulder koers zetten naar de zijlijn, zijn wicket spreadeagled achterlatend. Ronald Noronha (aka Ronnie Ranja aldus Floris K.) loste hem af. Hij is tot dusverre de revelatie van ons team. Ronald (aka Sieb Siroop aldus Huib B.) bowlt een lastig snel en laagblijvend balletje. Bovendien bat hij ook heel verdienstelijk. Deze Portugese Kiwi (aka Karel Kar van Cevitam aldus Yeast D.) oogt weliswaar zeer vriendelijk maar speelt met bijzonder veel venijn. Hij haakte moeiteloos in op het battting tempo van Thomas Spits. Het zag er zeer veelbelovend uit. Helaas, wat volgde was een partnership van slechts 40 runs alvorens Thomas Spits (46) ook keurig gecleand werd door niemand minder dan Nicholas Nass. Onze nerveuze captain-ad-interim had het spel van zijn battende teamgenoten met argusogen gadegeslagen. Na 25 overs stonden er slechts 125 runs op het bord. Dat was veel te weinig. Nog zeker 75 runs waren er nodig om HCC enige weerstand van betekenis te kunnen bieden tijdens de 2e innings. Tijd voor een powerhitter, tijd voor verandering, tijd voor Bier. Huib Bier welteverstaan. Huib had zich ingeschaald als dé solide nummer 6 van de batting order. Nadat Thomas onder applaus aan de zijlijn plaats had genomen, huppelde Huib over het hoogpolige kunststof tapijt naar het midden. Hij maakte onderwijl zijn armspieren los door druk zijn bat in de rondte te zwaaien. Ter verbetering van de doorbloeding veerde hij van het linker- op het rechterbeen. Zo bereikte Huib al zigzaggend en schijndronken de pitch. Huibert posteert zich zonder enige opsmuk voor het wicket ter hoogte van zijn middle stump. De behulpzame umpire wimpelt hij af onder de woorden “Taking guard is so village” en molenwiekt intimiderend met zijn slaghout vlak langs het hoofd van de wicketkeeper. Bier is er helemaal klaar voor! Huib staat er fier en met opgeheven hoofd bij, als ware hij de Breukelse Prins carnaval die aanstonds het vastenavonds-defilé gaat afnemen. Heel toepasselijk immers Huib’s klederdracht heeft er alle schijn van dat hij 24 uur per dag onderweg is naar een gekostumeerd bal. Zijn cricketoutfit topt hij af met een zwarte hoofddeksel, dat het midden houdt tussen de hoed van Swiebertje en een carnavalsteek waarop echter de fazantenveren ontbreken. Zijn achternaam alsmede een natuurlijke drankneus complementeren zijn karakteristieke carnavaleske voorkomen. Onderschat Hubertus Pils d’n Eerste echter niet als het op batten aankomt! Het moment dat de bowler aan zijn run-up begint, ondergaat Huib een metamorfose. Bij de delivery stride is reeds al het kolderieke eraf. Lichtjes voorover gebogen en met een verbeten trek om de mond leest Huib de lijn van de bal. Hij lift zijn bat en met een stevige grip, die ervan getuigd de krachten goed te kunnen doseren, speelt Huib een keurig groundstroke die door de covers voor 4 het veld uit racet. Don’t mess with Hurbert Beer! Het lijdt geen twijfel: over na over na over staat Kapitein Huib zijn mannetje. >>

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 4 June 2011

Als Ronald Noronha (31) wordt uitgevangen staat we op 149 runs met nog 7 overs te gaan en 4 wickets in handen. Willen we de 200 halen dan moet er toch nog even worden “doorgehaald”. Godzijdank betreedt Ruurt Schreuder het strijdperk. Met de bijnaam “Shot” moet hij wel de juiste persoon zijn om met een paar ferme schoten, die extra 50 runs in het scoreboek te laten bijschrijven. Shot heeft maling aan overschatting en staat dus 3 singles later al weer aan de kant met - wat nu is gebleken - een persoonlijk record aan VRA ZAMI runs achter zijn naam. B’vo. Hou dat vast “Shot”! Ondergetekende wacht nu de ondankbare taak om de broodnodige runs in slechts 6 overs bij elkaar te slaan. Koud in het midden speelt hij aan het eind van de over een laffe single. Zo is hij “off the mark” en blijft bovendien aan bat. Met een opmerking over de beeldige haardracht van de bowler, poogt Toon de man te provoceren en op scherp te zetten. Op “foute ballen” is het namelijk lekker batten. Altijd goed om tegen het eind van de batting innings de druk op de tegenstander een weinig op te voeren. Dan gaan ze fouten maken. Er volgt wat banter over en weer. Met nog luttele overs te gaan, lijkt de toon gezet. Die Toon blijkt echt gezet als hij te traag is om zo’n “foute delivery”, die zeer bespeelbaar en uiterst langzaam down leg passeert, eens stevig weg te timmeren. Zijn bat schampt namelijk eerst zijn buik waardoor de slagbeweging behoorlijk aan snelheid inboet. Dit “schokdemper-effect” maakt dat het bat de bal niet met gezwinde spoed richting long leg laat rollen. Lafjes wordt nu de bal op halve snelheid in de handen gelepeld van de square leg fielder die (daar is ie weer!) Nicholas Nass heet. Exit Toon Hintzen! Als ook Huib Bier (18) sneuvelt op de uitstekende bowlerij van de aanvoerder van HCC ZAMI I, Martijn Bordewijk, staat het scoreboard op een magere 162 runs met nog een kleine 4 overs te gaan. Verkerend in de wetenschap dat Mijndert van der Spek en Marnix Hazeweijer twee batsmen zijn, die nog voor het nodige vuurwerk moet kunnen zorgen, blijven we gematigd optimistisch. Een stevig slotakkoord van dit duo zou ons zeker nog een totaal van 180+ runs moeten kunnen opleveren. Maar de teneur van onze batting innings wordt almaar triester als Mijndert zich na een golden duck met de staart tussen de benen richting kleedkamer haast. Julian Molenaar heeft als batsman nummer 11 de ondankbare taak nog iets van onze hooggespannen verwachtingen waar te maken. Hij kan daarbij leunen op Marnix, een doorgewinterde ZAMI allrounder. Klaarblijkelijk is dat net iets teveel voor hi ho Hazeweijer. Gehinderd door een chemische knarsende kunstgras koppijn, bezwijkt hij spoedig onder dit gewicht. Julian moest aan het non-strikers eind lijdzaam toezien hoe Marnix na 2 deliveries wordt uitgevangen. Arme Jools! Na 31.5 overs zijn we all out en dat is heel heel heel lang geleden. Al met al dus een beschamende vertoning aan bat van VRA ZAMI II. Met hangende koppen togen wij naar het clubhuis voor een onverdiende lunch. Had de HCC ZAMI I aanval ons al niet flink afgestraft de 1e innings dan was het wel de kwaliteit van de lunch op de Haagsche. Telkens weer beseffen we ons hoezeer we boffen met de catering op VRA, in alle opzichten een waar cricket walhalla! De race was nog niet gelopen, zo dachten wij voor aanvang van de 2e innings. Totdat Rens Mulder het bestond om tijdens de fielding practice zijn enkel te verzwikken. Om mij volstrekt onduidelijk redenen meende hij ons te moeten tonen dat het toch echt mogelijk is om met één voet, uit stand, vanaf een halve meter hoogte op een stilliggende cricketbal te springen. Met verbijstering keken wij toe hoe Circus Renz woord bij daad voegde. Hij faalde jammerlijk en lag spoedig met een dubbelgeklapte enkel kermend op de grond! Dat heeft zo’n jongen toch niet nodig, zo dachten wij. Daar gaat mijn matchplan, zo dacht Hubert Bière. >> Page 45


ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 4 June 2011

Zami II lost to HCC Zami I (cont..forever) Ach, laat ik de lezer niet vervelen met beschrijvingen van het slechte fielden en knullige bowlen tijdens de 2e innings van VRA ZAMI II. Ik volsta met te melden dat HCC ZAMI I ons totaal op de tweede bal van de 33e over heeft gepasseerd. Aangezien we slechts 35 overs spelen, lijkt dat nog behoorlijk spannend. Dat had het ook kunnen en moeten zijn. Het was nu echter een ware martelgang. Na de talloze misfields, een iets te creatieve fieldplacement en een totaal gebrek aan teamgeest, restten ons niets anders dan te concluderen vandaag te hebben verloren van onszelve. Amen! Dat Rens Mulder ondanks zijn halftime-circus-act nog 2 voor 28 in 7 overs bowlde is wellicht nog vermeldenswaardig. Ook Marnix Hazeweijer mag met 2 wickets voor 35 runs in 7 overs nog vernoemd worden. Voorts was het droevenis alom. Het is echter veelzeggend dat Rens en Marni, die geen enkel wedstrijdritme hadden en bovendien dit seizoen nog niet getraind hebben, de meeste wickets namen. Het team heeft collectief gefaald en ernstig verzaakt. Waar we deze dag promotie naar de winnaars-poule hadden kunnen afdwingen, rest ons nu een zware wedstrijd tegen ACC, die geheid op oorlogssterkte zullen aantreden de komende zaterdag. Achteraf is het toch zaak te analyseren waar het fout ging. Lag het aan het gemis van de straffe hand waarmee Joost Page

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 4 June 2011

Dekkers over zijn manschappen regeert? Had de ebab-aproach van Bob Jan Spits vandaag wel zijn vruchten afgeworpen? Was Nobby’s management-by-smile afdoende geweest? Had het fielden van een long stop in plaats van een fly slip of third man - zoals Floris meermaals tevergeefs suggereerde - HCC wel de nek om gedaan op het bowlen van Ronald en Rens? Ik kan het niet echt duiden. Wij zijn in afwachting van het vuistdikke rapport, dat Huib Bier na aanleiding van dit debacle zal schrijven. Donderdag avond zal hij zijn bevindingen presenteren en wij zien uit naar zijn aanbevelingen. Ik kan niet wachten het te lezen maar dit zogenaamde Bier-verbeterplan vind ik nu al goed! Feit is, dat het enthousiaste leiderschap van Hubertus Pils d’n Eerste deze heugelijke dag geen blaam treft. Huib - although barely alive - is ook maar een mens, naar wij dachten. Het haperde strategisch en tactisch bij ons allen. Het ontbrak aan inzet en wilskracht. Als gedrogeerd (door mysterieuze zwarte rubberen balletjes?!?) waren we aan het fielden. Het was aandoenlijk te aanschouwen, hoe zeker Huibert Bier was van de overwinning toen hij als zelfbenoemd inval-aanvoerder in de voormiddag zijn wedstrijdplannen aan ons ontvouwde. Hij was ervan overtuigd, dat we HCC moeiteloos zouden oprollen. Voordat er ook maar één bal gebowld was, riep Huib al bij herhaling “kat in het bakkie”, “piece of cake”, “appeltje/eitje”, “points in the pocket”, “we zitten vandaag gebeiteld”, “op zeker pakken we 2 punten”, “VRA ZAMI II zit geheid om 18 uur aan de champagne” etcetera enzovoorts. Huib blaakte ronduit van zelfverzekerdheid. Verliezen was geen optie. De winst zou absoluut 100% zekers-te-weten naar VRA ZAMI II gaan. Maar helaas, het zat de Heilige Hubertus tegen en dus had het die dag niet zo moge zijn. Huib’s goede vriend Bertrand Russell (wie kent hem niet) zei het al: “The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.” Dat is een waarheid als een koe, aldus Huib Bier. Maar ik, ik heb ik zo mijn bedenkingen. Ik verkies ernstig te twijfelen aan de woorden van die Russel. ;-)

ZAMI II, van harte beterschap! §

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ZAMI 1 REPORT, Saturday 11 June 2011

VRA Zami 1 - Rood en Wit Zami 1 Rood and Wit won by 52 runs

by Nick Fowler

V

RA fielded first, and contained R&W very well in the first 25 overs, after which the score was only 99. This was due to tight bowling from Paul McPhillimy (7-1-19), Maarten Slagter (5-0-29), Nick Fowler (4-1-15) and Mike George (7-1-14). Doeve was the anchor of R&W’s innings until he fell to Mike George for 23. Zami 1 missed a key chance when he-knows-who dropped Nawijn on twelve runs. Nawijn then went on to score a century: it took him R&W 26 overs to get past 100, but only 9 overs to get the next 100 as they laid into the bowling of Michiel Blokland (2-0-27), Sander Kempen (2-0-16) and Willem van Mierlo (5-0-48). Nawijn’s was an outstanding innings, very well supported by Beversluis, who scored 40 not out. R&W ended up with 201 for 3. Mike George and Sander Kempen got off to a good start for VRA, scoring 36 of off the first seven overs, on track with the required run rate. But R&W’s bowling was fast and tight, and it wasn’t long before Sander was clean bowled for 1. Sanne Salomons (2) also lost his stumps to a quick ball from Prenen. Young master Duhra, recruited that morning from the U-18s to fill the gap created by last minute no-show, was looking very accomplished, particularly as he smashed a large six over mid-wicket. But just as he was getting going, he was caught behind for 16. Paul McPhillimy’s innings was uncharacteristically short, as he was also caught for 8, bringing Nick Fowler to the crease. By the 18th over Zami 1 was still in with a chance: the score was 79, and the required run rate per over was 7. Mikey George was looking like he might save the day for VRA Zami 1 and was going strong with 59 runs. But then quick as a Grandmaster Flash he was run out. He was a victim of White Lines – the one he was supposed to be reaching for had blown away, and the one he crossed was three inches short of the target. But the umpire, he don’t lie, he don’t lie, he don’t lie. So rang dang diggedy dang di-dang, Mikey George found himself at bottom and heading back for the pavilion. This left Nick Fowler to be the team rock. Barends bowled some feisty short balls, a dangerous game, because if you get hooked, baby, it’s nobody else’s fault, so don’t do it! However, that happened only once as Fowler struggled to find the middle of the bat leaving him accumulating mostly singles and doubles. As a result, the required run rate slid slowly out of reach. At the other end Slingsby cut like a sling-blade through the Zami middle order and tail, taking 4 for 20 off 6 overs. The run rate got higher baby, higher baby, higher baby and don’t ever come down! Batsman after batsman sold their soul and paid the toll. Each came in with the same idea (smash him over the top) with exactly the same result (clean bowled by a straight slow ball). Such was the fate of Willem van Mierlo (3), Maarten Slagter (1), and Michiel Blokland (4). On the final ball, Fowler (26) also succumbed to Slingsby as he was caught out top-edging a bona fide Howler to the fielder behind square leg. VRA Zami 1 made 149 for 9 in their 35 overs, more than 50 runs short of their target. The result was fair because R&W were by far the better team. So VRA went into its little hideaway, ‘cause white lines blow away. Words by Nick Fowler, Eric Clapton, and Grandmaster Flash (http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/ white-lines-don’t-don’t-do-it-lyrics-grandmaster-flash/66cf1b7be647cb5f48256d8a002f62fa) §

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 11 June 2011

VRA Zami 2 - ACC Zami Worst match ever by Zami 11

by Huib Bier

ACC uit altijd lastig.

Donkere wolken pakten zich samen op weg naar de toch welzeker aardige velden van de Amsterdamse Cricket Club aan het Loopveld in Amstelveen. Eenmaal aangekomen bij het clubhuis, een clubhuis waar menig cricket club jaloers op zou zijn, werd onze vrees bewaarheid, het begon pijpenstelen te regenen. Zowel Erwin Krol als Peter Timmofeef konden hier weinig aan veranderen. Er zat niets anders op dan in spanning te wachten tot Pluvius zijn tranen zou drogen. Overigens, zo bleek achteraf, was dit het spannendste uur van de hele middag. Toen het uiteindelijk droog werd bleek de kokosmat dermate gekrompen dat Jan Balk en zijn manschappen hun uiterste best moesten doen om de mat weer in zijn originele vorm te kunnen trekken. Uiteindelijk kon na een verloren toss van 6e captain Kappelle de eerste bal gebowled worden. Onze bowlers kregen echter op geen enkele wijze vat op het gedegen batten van ACC. Zij gaven dan ook zo goed als geen echte kansen weg behalve G. Mulder die op 9 grandioos gemist werd (een dolly!) en uiteindelijk bleef hij steken op 146 no!! ACC kwam tot 255 voor 4 na 35 overs. Het enige lichtpuntje was de al dan niet terechte LBW van G. Dukker die tot ver na de match nog steeds des duivels was over de beslissing van 1 van zijn eigen umpires. Na enkele, nu ja enkele, positieve woorden van onze cricktator na een voortreffelijke lunch met nieuwe haring, gingen onze openingsbatsmen vol goede moed het veld in met de gedachte, dat de vorige match tegen ACC gewonnen werd en er toen 248 als totaal werd neergezet; dus 256 moest ook wel te halen zijn. Ondanks dat er veel te laat werd begonnen, waren we toch omstreeks 20.00 uur klaar. We hadden zelfs 35 overs gebat! Logisch als je iedere bal direct terugslaat naar de bowler! Wel scoorde Tommy Spits een gedegen 54 in 34 overs (leuk als je een test matcht speelt). In de derde innings, borrel en diner, hebben we bijzonder genoten van het komische duo Jan Balk en Floris Kappelle (wanneer komt jullie boek met cricket annekdotes uit?). O ja, we hebben verloren (met meer dan 100 runs). The worst match ever of Zami II. Toon, beterschap met je hamstring blessure die je tijdens het umpiren opliep. ยง

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 2 July 2011

VRA Zami 2 - Zami 1 The battle of the great ones by Anthony Lynch

A

fter some early morning rain the clouds started to disperse and the warmth of the sun began peep through the clouds. Excitement was in the air, Nadal vs. Federer, Aus vs. England, Spurs vs. Arsenal, Zami1 vs. Zami2 rank very highly in the greatest of sporting battle. Only last week I was chatting to Mazhar Majeed about tactics, simple was the response “bribery”… Former captain Sir Lube was an out of character 45 min’s late for the meet, leading to some confusion over who would bat and what position. Tim “Lion heart” Ellerton was given the chance to open and declined due to lack of nappies, thus the opening berth was thrust upon Ronald and Mike. After some fiery bowling from Ren’s at the start runs were hard to come by. One ball in particular caused some discomfort Ronny (I wish them both well). Ronny was soon bowled by another Wasim like in swinger. Ellerton enters the crease and with some swishing of the bat fails to connect with his first 5 deliveries. Mike R was holding firm at the other end albeit slowly, runs were drying up. Joost began imitate pulling out his hair with the pressure mounting and run rate decreasing. With the introduction of Mark (Sweaty) into the action, Mike saw it was time to increase the scoring rate and went after the Sweaty, only to be bowled leg stump by a straight one for 21. A fine effort in very trying conditions. Tim unleashed a couple of classy drive and a classic lofted on drive to pick up the scoring rate. Finally will Eller’s turn all those late night bar runs into reality, next ball out caught in covers by an long hop. Huib struggled away for five. The outgoing Huib likening the bowling attack to Fire in Babylon. JJ cruised to 22 before holing out, Abbas soon followed. Zami2 were reeling at 110-7 when Sir Kappelle and Sir Lube came together. A swash buckling 43 partnership off only 4.3 over’s was a fine test of Floris’s supreme fitness and Lubes persuasiveness. Leaving Zami2 on 153-7, probably 20 runs shy. Zami1 inning started with controversy. Mike G opening with Ren’s (playing for wrong side). Opening bowling was Abbas and Richo. Ren’s stumped by a mile off Richo, only for Freddy “Breakdance” ten Kate to be watching the birds fly over and give the decision NOT OUT. Mike G was soon run out. Ren’s started to find the middle of his bat and completed a bitter tasting 50 (fer 1). It all felt very wrong for a Zami2 player’s to be raped of victory on the hallowed turf by one of their own. Timmy told me it was the same feeling he had when Sol Campbell moved to Arsenal from Tottenham, “wrong just wrong” he said.. One massive laughing point was the introduction of Toby “drop shots” Smith. Knowing he has a phobia to right arm off spin filth,. On came Tim “Lion Heart” Ellerton, three ball later Toby spoons one up and catch is taken in covers by Mike for a wonderful duck. The whole team in hysterics at the sight of Timmy doing his rain dance and Toby looking like he had just been caught at customs with 5kg of coke in his suitcase (“it can’t be happening to me”)…. Butlin’s’s (Mijndert) batting with SOS (20 odd) put together a fluent partnership, SOS brutally exposing Mike Rier’s medium pies. Zami 1’s continued to score runs freely managing to complete victory with many wickets and balls to spare. If only Ronny could say the same. A great night followed with fine food, wonderful company and lousy speeches. Next time Zami1, next zami1 the biggest prize in sport prize will be Zami2‘s…… § Page

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ZAMI 1 REPORT, Saturday 23 July 2011

VRA Zami 1 - Quick Haag Zami I verliest nipt van Quick Haag Zami A Captain’s Inninigs by Phil Yisrael

On a miserbale wet saturday VRA Zami played host to Quick II. VRA captain Willen van

Mierlo won the toss and decided to bat first. It was clear from the outset that the bowling attack was a bit sharper than the usual Zami offerings and before Mike George could even begin one of his timeless innings he was snapped up at gully for 5 in the 4th over. Next to go was newly promoted opener Nick ‘Howler’ Fowler. Although Nick’s batting technique is good enough to open the batting, it just wasn’t to be on this day, when he also got a thick edge to gully in the 7th over, matching his opening partner’s score of 5. Phillip Yisrael and Paul McPhillimy also contributed to the disastrous start by falling cheaply - 8 & 0 respectively. This is usually where Jeroen ‘SOS’ Mulder rescues Zami 1 from complete collapse but when he was cleaned bowled for....wait for it...1, it was funny to see each Zami player with an iPhone quickly access weer.nl to find out where the hell all the rain was. But nobody told VRA no.6 Willem van Mierlo and to a lesser degree no.7 Jeroen ‘Agent’ Mulder. They came together at 5-27 in the 11th over and in the next 8 overs took the score to 5-80, doubling our run rate and forcing some changes from Quick. It’s not often you will see someone smash a 6 over the hockey clubhouse on the no.2 field, but Willem van Mierlo was on a mission. From someone who has struggled for runs this season, Willem snapped a poor run of form with some of the most aggressive batting we’ve seen for Zami 1. Losing ‘Agent Mulder for a well made 19 in the 18th over as well as Julian Molenaar in the same over had no effect on the VRA captain - he just kept smashing them to all corners of the park. Due to some ‘no-shows’, VRA were helped by the inclusion of 3 youngsters from the youth teams, H.Khan, D.Mohiyudan and V.Chisid. They batted bravely with Willem right to the end - Willem finishing with 86. H.Khan finished with 19 and VRA finished with 153 from their 35 overs. Quick announced their intention in the first over - one of the openers pulling a short one from Paul McPhillimy superbly to the boundary, but 3 balls later, McPhillimy had the other opener caught & bowled. The other opener was piling on the runs and it was clear we had to get him out before the game slipped away. McPhillimy struck again in his 5th over but it was not the man we needed. Young D.Mohiyudan took wickets in his 1st and 2nd overs (including the dangerous opener who made 66) to finish with figures of 2-12. As if he didn’t do enough with the bat, Captian van Mierlo chimed in with the ball to nab 3 wickets and all of a sudden Quick are 8 down for 149 and looking very nervous. In the end, Quick got the runs, and VRA were left wondering what could’ve been with another 30 runs. A special thanks to the three lads who helped out on a miserable day and ended up having a good game. §

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ZAMI 1 REPORT, Saturday 30 July 2011

VRA Zami 1 - HBS Zami 2 VRA Zami 1 - HBS Zami 2, 199ao-353/8

by Hugo Naber

Forget about it!

We should have seen the early omen. No way to station a solid Chang Wang Woe outfield on artificial turf. It’s silicone and polypropylene base, with yellow and white dotted markings of some inferior type of game play, made you feel like your running on granny’s high pile carpet with only your sock on. It’s Synthetic fibres didn’t seem to match our game plan last Saturday. The Jackdaw’s from the start didn’t squander the static electricity we were winding up, as we needed to plug every hole on the deep end. Although five wickets scattered at great speed by excellent bowling of Bilal and Kahn the crows soon started using our thermal lift to their advantage and were planning on taking on no prisoners. It became high noon around four. The crows now praying above our heads laid out an attack which seem to last from Tuesday till Sunday except they did it in 2 hours. Off-On side, mid, straight, deep, deep extra sweeps , deep third, deep foreward square, Paul, Mike and Phil’s clockwork grinding to a halt. “Let them eat cake” the jack’s crowed as we had crazy chances on some dolly catches. After lunch with daylight fading in our eyes looking at our asking rate, our captain McPhillimy opening preformed a (rather well) reversed Ian Bell. With a razor sharp throw out from a HBS leg gully we were going off the deep end. Bowlers where indicated with strange straw men like names as “batsmen number three” and “batsmen number five” leaving nothing but thin air as these codes crowed along the field. They appeared to have bulky south African china men, and even Theo supposedly witnessed a magic bowler half the size of a bail. All hope were lost, where Salomons was franticly holding of the crows all the way in the middle of the pitch, bats were already thrown into the ground (even within the boundary). Apollo already knew. Under these black feathers they hide clear whites and definitely good cricket! §

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 30 July 2011

VRA Zami 2 - Quick Haag VRA Zami 2 beats Quick Haag Zami 2 Marni Army wins on Astroturf in front of 60,000 imaginary football crowd by Johnny ‘Richo’ Richardson

We arrived at Quick Haag to find the main ground occupied by a veteran’s game. They

were playing with a bright pink ball. Apparently it’s easier to see when conditions are dark and overcast. Never mind, we got to play on the Astroturf football pitch. Bob (11 runs) and Huub (26 runs) opened the batting and put on a partnership of 25 before Bob was caught trying to slog his first six of the day. Remarkably, Huub smashed five fours in a row, which tells you how quick, small and lightning fast this Astroturf pitch was going to be. Julian then sauntered in, but only managed to hoist two runs up the scoreboard before being caught behind. This brought in Rens Moulder (74 runs) to the crease. If I can read Ruurt’s writing correctly he smashed at least seven sixes into the football pavilion, where the imaginary football crowd did a Mexican wave and a naked girl streaked across the popping crease, chased by Huub the Village Policeman (VP) who took his helmet off to cover up her ‘wobblies’. Such a gentleman. Joost —one rock short of full moon—Deckhand then came in for his captain’s innings, knocked a couple of useful fours out of his willow, but was clean bowled for 14 runs. Looking like Bluto from the Popeye cartoon, it was really great to see Ruurt (5 runs and a beard) briefly on the field of play again. Water break. “Marni Army”, screamed the imaginary football crowd as Marni strolled in like an Armani runway model onto the rain-soaked Astroturf to face the lethal bowling attack of Quick Haag. He didn’t disappoint and racked up four stunning fours before being bowled out on 17 runs. The least said about Ronald… “duck, duck, quack, quack”...Noronha’s quick innings the better. (Only to say that the imaginary football crowd suddenly started shouting...”Ronald Duck”...”Ronald Duck”...and then some words that rhymed with Duck that I couldn’t quite catch). Thijs then entered the game, scored eight runs and was out last ball, thus denying Richo the chance to shine with his Newbury. We had wanted to score about 220 runs, but given the conditions we thought 171 runs was very defendable. In the end we got them out for 143 runs halfway through the 26th over. Rens Moulder (4-26 and Man of the Match) bowled aggressively on a good line and length and was unplayable for much of his seven overs. It would have been five wickets had he not been dropped at square leg by an opposition player brought in from Quick Haag to replace the ‘missing in action’ JJ Sobti. Marni (3-25) started with a good wicket maiden, which had the imaginary 60,000 football crowd streaking naked across the pitch screaming “Marni! Marni! Marni!”. Huub the Village Policeman had to call in the reserves from the white-haired veteran Quick Haag team to calm things down. Then Joost the Octopus (0-16) slid on. His waving arms and loopy bowling resulted in sixes flying all over the place, so Huub the Village Policeman had to remove him after two overs and put him back in his aquarium before he did any further damage. Things calmed down considerably when Ronald Duck (1-14) scalped another wicket (a lovely caught and bowled—his first). But perhaps the main damage was done psychologically early on by the opening bowlers Thijs (2-50) and Julian (0-12). Scarily inconsistent, they put the opposition on the back foot.... who then started fishing for balls they probably should have left alone. We knew our only hope of survival was to get a lot of quick early wickets, and this opening pair certainly softened them up. Richo was told that he wasn’t brought in to bowl because he got three wickets the week before??? And on that bizarre note he won the ‘thanks for turning up award’. Stuart Broad got the first ever hat trick against India to make a memorable day unforgettable. Page

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ZAMI 1 REPORT, Saturday 13 August 2011

VRA Zami 1 - Crocodiles Zami vs QCCCC (Crocodiles)

by Taco Bosman

What started as a time match turned out to be a waiting game after light showers and drizzle

set in. The touring Crocs and VRA Zami’s did however manage to squeeze in some 18 overs before the match was called off and there was definitely no shortage of friendly entertainment (banter) on the field. Before the first ball had been bowled rain had impacted the match with a boggy run up at the southern end. This was creatively overcome by only bowling only from the northern end, requiring the batters and umpires to switch at the end of each over and letting the wicket keeper Phil Yisreal stay put down at the muddy southern end. In terms of performance the Crocs batted for 18.4 overs and were doing well, given the conditions, by making it to 72/3. Thijs van Nierop and Sander Kempen opened up the bowling and although they didn’t make any breakthroughs conceded 16 and 15 runs respectively (in their 4 over spells). It was Mike George who took the first wicket when Beecroft heaved the ball down the ground - finding the hands of the Zami’s captain, Willem van Mierlo, for 15. Trying to pick up the pace, the Croc’s “Dangerman” D Horstmann, threatened with confident shots down to long on and long off. He looked set even though he was only on 5 but Jeroen Mulder responded by bowling two of his stumps out of the ground. Another Horstmann, W, came to the crease and got himself to 15 which included hitting the match’s only boundary in the deep. Jeroen Mulder’s safe hands at long on eventually caught him off the bowling of Edward Jamieson. The opener, Botts Bottomley, top scored with 24 n.o. by the time the rain forced both teams to sit and wait in the clubhouse. The match was eventually called off and awards presented. The Crocs awarded Jeroen Mulder the man of the match for his tight bowling and figures which were 4 overs, 1 maiden, 8 runs and 1 wicket. They also poked a bit of fun at Phil Yisrael by awarding him a finger puppet for his mishaps behind the stumps. To be fair, he was permanently stationed at the swampy southern end and had no grip on his gloves but as was the case for the entire match, the poor conditions didn’t get in the way of a good laugh. §

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CROCODYLIDAE 2011

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ZAMI 2 REPORT, Saturday 13 Aug 2011

T20 - VRA Zami 2 vs HBS VRA wins by 7 wickets HBS 143/6(20ov), VRA 147/3(19.2ov) by Ronald Noronha

It was clear from early on that the weather is going to be an issue throughout the day. But both teams having already abandoned a game this season due to a washout, were keen to play, rain or shine.

VRA agreed to bowl in the first twenty20 of the day. Instructions to the bowlers were succinct, ‘be accurate’. Ronald Noronha and Khan Waziri opened the proceedings for the day. Khan produced yorkers at will, striking in his very first over, finishing with figures of 4-1-20-2. Ronald joined in on the wicket takers list finishing with 4-0-20-1. After 8 overs VRA seemed to be on the top with 40/3. However things started to pick up for HBS, as they started to focus on scoring runs quickly. Abbas Jaffri learned to contain the batsmen from one end, and ended up taking two wickets in 4 overs with an economy of run a ball. There were a few shots in the air that either landed in no mans lands, or popped out of our men’s hands. This reprieved one of their batsmen at least 3 times, allowing him to be the top scorer for the day at 65*. Bilal Ahmad and Leon Turmaine, had the tough task of bowling the death overs, these were against batsmen who seemed settled with the pace of the pitch and the light drizzle. They finished their bowling figures with 4-0-36-0 and 4-0-36-1. VRA in pursuit of 144, sent out their star batsmen Mike Riers and Leon Turmaine. With 6/0 in 3 overs HBS seemed to have already started celebrating. The bowlers and fielders alike, got more complacent, allowing a few too many singles, followed by a hatrick of boundaries from Leon Turmaine. This brought the run rate well within the range of the required rate. Unfortunately, Mike Riers never got going and was out for 7. Which brought in Mijndert van der Spek. Mijndert together with Leon looked to chase down the total in a hurry with finding the middle of the bat constantly. A bit of luck for Mijndert, when he swung and missed and the ball nicked the stumps but the bails never moved. With the score at 118/1 in the 16th over,Leon on 59 and Mijndert on 41, VRA looked like completing the chase with two overs to spare. Leon unfortunately was runout at this stage, topscoring for VRA. This brought Abbas Jaffri in the middle, when the rain was getting a bit more than a slight drizzle. It looked like VRA were in for a slight twist in the plot, when in the 17th over Abbas found it hard to get bat on ball, with the reduced visibility by the rain. That looked a certain maiden over till Abbas managed to sneak a single on the fifth ball and then the baller sprays one down leg for 5 wides, and Mijndert finishes the over with a straight drive for four runs. Mijndert(46) hoping to race to his half century with a boundary, missed one that took his bails off thoroughly this time. Abbas(11*) and Thomas Spits(4*) with the task of 10 runs off 12 balls, completed the chase comfortably with 4 balls to spare. After a clinical win by VRA, lunch was served at the HBS club house. Joost Dekkers let the rest of the team know that they will bat first for the second Twenty20. However, the weather had turned more gloomy and wet. Both camps looked satisfied with completing one game, and couldn’t agree on going back out again. The captains shook hands to agree on the washout of the second game. § Page

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ZAMI 1&2 REPORT, Saturday 20 August 2011

ZAMI 1 V

aandag mochten wij aantreden tegen onze vrienden van Zami 1. Enige rivaliteit valt er dan wel te bespeuren maar dat komt toch meer van de kant van Zami 1 dan van de onze. Dit ligt waarschijnlijk aan feit dat wij, VRA Zami 2, al jaren de morele winnaar zijn van deze onderlinge tweestrijd. Na de door Joost Dekkers gewonnen toss gingen wij eerst fielden. De opening was verrassend. Abbas Jaffri samen met Joost Dekkers. Onze gebruikelijke opener, Anthony Lynch, was te elfder ure opgeroepen door VRA 1. Gelukkig heeft hij niet alleen water mogen brengen maar had Anthony daadwerkelijk een bijdrage aan de overwinning van het eerste elftal van VRA tegen VOC. Abbas Jaffri had moeite om zijn lijn te vinden maar was onbespeelbaar voor de openingsbatsmen. Joost Dekkers daarentegen was met zijn 3 delivery al succesvol. Hij nam het wicket van Phil Yisrael na een dolly van een catch door ondergetekende. Julian Molenaar mocht aantreden als exchange bowler. Ook hij had in eerste instantie moeite om de lijn te vinden getuige de vele wides, maar bleek toch zeer succesvol. Hij nam twee wickets en wel van Nick Fowler (clean bowled) en het wicket van Meindert van der Spek. Het wicket van Meindert was een wereldvang van Volken Akkerman. Met het gewicht op zijn verkeerde been maakt Volken een katachtige sprong om vervolgens horizontaal de bal op ongeveer 1.5 meter uit de lucht te plukken. Ronald Noronha bowlde ook onbespeelbaar. Ook hij name twee wickets: het wicket van Luis Collignon en het wicket van de dangerman van Zami 1, SOS Jeroen Mulder. Beide werden ze clean bowled door Ronnie. In totaal maakte Zami 1 er 162 voor 8 in 35 overs. Aan die 162 runs heeft Zami 2 stevig gedragen met 52 runs in extra’s!!! Ons openingspaar, Mike Rier en Floris Kappelle, leek voorspoedig te beginnen. De runs tikten lekker aan. Helaas viel het eerste wicket toch al bij een totaal van slechts 17 runs op het bord. Floris (9) mocht naar de zijlijn naar een c/b door Sander Kempen. Huib Bier en Mike Rier zette die lijn voort. Mike Rier werd iets te ongeduldig en zat met 11 runs aan de kant. Tim Ellerton en Huib verhoogde de runrate, helaas ging Huib LBW. Volken Akkerman kwam in. Zij controleerden de bowlers professioneel en ze maakten ogenschijnlijk makkelijk runs. Helaas konden Tim (24) en Volken (2) het niet battend afmaken. De bowlerij was niet uitdagende genoeg voor de heren en ze verloren het geduld. Toon Hintzen (21) en Ronald Noronha (35) hebben de wedstrijd simpel uit gespeeld. In 31 overs had Zami 2 de klus geklaard en konden wij aan het bier. Marnix H. Page

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ZAMI 1&2 REPORT, Saturday 20 August 2011

ZAMI 2

THE BATTLE OF THE WOODS by Marnix Hazeweijer

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Kongratulations Kaptitan Joost Deckhand and his winning crew 2011...

Superb

One penguin short of colony. One wave short of a tsunami. One shark fin short of a horror movie. Jost Deckhand’s mind is unfathonable...as big and bright as a cruise ship floating on a still night sea, its lights reflecting off the deeply troubled water... but there’s nobody on board. No sign of life. No disco rumbling deep in the bowls of the hull. No shark fin breaking the silent surface. No movement. Nothing. Yet he can remember every make of shoe worn by every footballer in history. Go fathom? Even odder, he somehow managed to steer his Zami 2 ship to victory bay once again. Go figure?

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b ZAMI 2

Shock fect storm

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One flu

One shrimp short of a full catch

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The Cambrid

“Famous Pythons John Cleese and Graham Chapman rank highly amongst the town’s finest exports” Page

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ge Tour 2011

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The Cambridge Tour 2011

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“ A large group of the touring party spent the early (or late) hours in downtown Cambridge exploring the local...�

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ZAMI CAMBRIDGE TOUR REPORT, Wednesday 13 July 2011

VRA Tourists v Cambridge Granta C.C. Long live the Zami Army! by Louis Rimmington (Rimmo)

Famous Pythons John Cleese and Graham Chapman rank highly amongst the town’s finest

exports, but Wednesday morning held a treat as absurdly English as any of their creations: Real Tennis. At the invitation of Mr Christopher Dean, those tourists who felt capable of facing the Ante Meridiem were put through their paces and got to find out first-hand why the English are so peculiar. The remainder of the touring party gathered at the Red Bull pub for an excellent luncheon. In the expectation of a strong opposition, Mike George announced a strong VRA eleven. Turmaine, Lubbers, Mulder (SOS), Pasierowski; the stars were all out for VRA, and the expectation was for them to shine. VRA arrived at Clare College under grim skies and Leon Turmaine, skipper for the day, successfully coerced the Granta captain into giving VRA’s bowlers the first bite of the cherry. Swaddled in jumpers, the tourists took the field. The opening salvos nurtured high hopes amongst the Dutchmen. With a fast-bowlers umbrella field spread, Reinder Lubbers found Donner and Blitzen just back of a good length, and the Granta batsmen danced and pranced as they battled to control the steepling bounce. At the other end, Piotr Pasierowski found conditions to his liking as the ball swung late from a full and probing length. In the very first over, Granta’s Australian keeper-batsman, C.Wheatley, nicked through to his Dutch counterpart, Theo Lindemann, who dutifully swallowed the chance. Unfortunately, it was not to last. A succession of chances were dropped behind the wicket and Lubbers (7 overs- 0 maidens- 34 runs- 1 wicket) and Pasierowski (5-2-9-0) did not receive the rewards their excellent opening spells deserved. As the overs wore on, the wicket began to look very flat, and Granta’s S.Hammersly (98 not out) and J.Atkinson (75 retired) began to move through the gears in a partnership of 141. VRA toiled away manfully as Ronald Noronha (4-0-39-0), Jeroen ‘SOS” Mulder (8-1-33-0) and Leon Turmaine (6-035-0) struggled in vain. Only once Atkinson retired for 75 did Abbas Jaffri (4-1-23-1) manage to make any breakthrough at all. Despite their mammoth 2nd wicket partnership, Granta never really got away, and even at the death Willem van Mierlow (4-0-35-1) and Joost Dekkers (2-0-16-1) were able to keep the batsmen in check. Granta reached 235 for 4 in their 40 overs, but on an excellent deck and with a rapid outfield, VRA were confident of their ability to chase such a score. Following tea, skipper Leon Turmaine, accompanied by his dashing companion Huib Beer, lead from the front. Granta’s opening bowlers, left-armer J.Cowan and T.Clarke bowled a hostile opening spell, but found more success than VRA’s own pair had earlier. Huib Beer wielded his blade like a finely balanced rapier, cutting lethally and frequently, but the bustling Cowan found a way beneath his parry to skewer his off stump for ten. There followed a sad procession of VRA men back to the dressing room; as Turmaine (25), Rimmington (9), SOS (1) and Lubbers (0) were blown away leaving VRA’s innings in tatters. Much credit must go to Granta’s Cowan (8-1-26-3) and Clarke (6-0-22-1) for a formidable opening spell that sealed the game for their team. Page

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ZAMI CAMBRIDGE TOUR REPORT, Wednesday 13 July 2011

As the spinners came on VRA’s late middle order showed some resistance as Dekkers (21), van Mierlow (25), Jaffri (21) and Noronha (27) each found some rhythm - particularly against the bowling of Granta’s new signing, a certain Mr Louis Collignon (5-0-35-0)! However, it all seemed to be too little and too late as the day’s cricket ground sadly to its close, like an old clock that has forgotten how to chime. VRA closed on just 156 for 9, a full 79 runs short of Granta’s total, and the hosts were worthy winners. One feature of note, in a side full of VRA’s misfiring finest, the Zami gentlemen held their own (an all too frequent habit amongst Zami cricketers!) as Joost, Willem, Abbas and Ronald contributed 3 of the 4 wickets to fall and 94 of VRA’s runs. §

Monty Python’s batsmen of the Kalahari C.U. PRATT KILLED OUTRIGHT, BOWLED ODINGA - 0. P.B.T.R. PRATT LEGS OFF BEFORE WICKET, BOWLED ODINGA - 0. B.B.C.T.V. PRATT ASSEGAI UP JACKSEY, BOWLED UNBOKO - 0. Z. PRATT MACHETE BEFORE WICKET, ‘BOWLED UMBONGA - 0. M.J.K. PRATT STUMP THROUGH HEAD, BOWLED UMBONGA - 0. V.E. PRATT RAN AWAY - 0. P.D.A. PRATT RETIRED HURT - 0. W.G. PRATT RETIRED VERY HURT - 0. PRATT DIED OF FRIGHT, BOWLED ODINGA - 0. Y.E.T.A.N.O.T.H.E.R. PRATT NOT OUT BUT DREADFULLY HURT- 139.’

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ZAMI CAMBRIDGE TOUR REPORT, Sunday 10 July 2011

Countdown to a (un) memorable tour. If you can remember this tour, you were not on tour. by Hugo Leemhuis 00.00.

A

large group of the touring party spent the early(or late) hours in downtown Cambridge exploring the local pubs. Women in trashy attire were a common sight in most of these establishments. However, the VRA ladies, never saw it a reason to drop their standards, and were a class above all! The music was good, drinks were a plenty, so we all had a good dance and laugh. The evening ended with an after-party in Piotr’s room, where Sander, ‘Agent’, Maarten and Piotr downed a bottle of jenever, which can be interpreted as smashing a champagne bottle on the bow of a new ship. Their way of ensuring this tour will be epic! 11.00. The sun was out, illuminating Homerton College, our humble accommodation for the week. Homerton is a lovely college on the edge of town, part of the Cambridge University. Historical structures, with extensive lawns and rose gardens. A beautiful place indeed! The downside of staying in rooms that are occupied by students most of the year, are the warped mattresses, not the most comfortable for a good nights rest. A lonely figure could be seen wandering around the college. A tall figure indeed, with red hair; who was this ginger boy? Ah ha, Sander Kempen. Still working on Holland time, thereby arriving an hour early at the meeting point for the game. A fineable mistake! At 12.00 we all assemble, and our driver Paddy hits the gas towards Eltisly. 14.00. After a lovely lunch we arrived at the ground. A truly beautiful pitch it was, in the middle of the village green. Village cricket at its best! Rimmo senior (dad of Louis) had lent us his van. He had remarked something about a small leakage, but nothing to worry about. Well, on arrival the rain started pouring down, and it became obvious the leak was rather significant. Mike George and Paddy were busy with buckets and mops to fight the water. Lucky for us the rain stopped, so the pitch could receive the treatment by an air blower (one of those equipments used for blowing leaves). During the wait the VRA party entertained themselves in a number of ways. Some played cards. Ruurt went for a run in his ridiculous outfit. And Sander provided the entertainment by slipping in an attempt to kick a football, and thus landing on a wet patch in the grass. And after the wait, at around 15.30, the pitch was dry enough and we were sent in to field. The fielding performance was generally solid, with one exception. In the first over, Louis (at slips) had a very easy catch,… but dropped it. Unfortunately that player of the opposition went on to score 80. In the remainder of the innings Louis tried desperately to make up for his mistake and did so by taking 4 wickets. In the end Eltisly reach a total of 220. The bowling figures: Overs- runs-wkts-avg SOS 5-25-2-12.5 Page

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ZAMI CAMBRIDGE TOUR REPORT, Sunday 10 July 2011

Piotr 5.4-20-1-20 Marnix 3-18 Mike George 2-26 Leon 7-34-1-34 Slagter 3-36-2-18 Louis 4-33-4-8.25 Mike Rier 3-22 17.00. Tea time! All the ladies of Eltisly bring in plates of sandwiches, scones and cake. We had a great tea to fuel our chase. Batting we pretty well. Leon 38 Mike Rier 40 Mike George 22 (Running out Mike Rier) Agent Mulder Duck Jeroen ‘Sos’ Mulder 83 Piotr 4 And then comes in Louis to yet again take center stage. We are at 212, we needed 9 runs of three balls. Louis was on strike.The spectators shout: Louis! Just take a single so SOS can receive the two last balls. So the bowler bowls, Louis hits, and Louis says: No! No run. Next ball also no runs, so the match is over. In the end it was a good tense game with good cricket from both sides. Louis, who also was captain, once again attempted to redeem himself for his performance in the field and with the bat by making some cracking jokes during the award ceremony. One of them was calling the captain of Eltisly (real name Mr. Cockheed) Mr Cockhead. Mr Cockhead was not amused, I can tell you that! Thanks to the excellent mopping of Mike George the van was dry, and off we went towards another smashing night on the town! Good way to start the tour! A special thank you goes out to Sanne Salomons. Thank you for all the great organization! You have been sorely missed! §

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ZAMI CAMBRIDGE TOUR REPORT, Friday 15 July 2011

VRA vs USSC Overall a great win on a great ground at the end of a great tour. by Leon Turmaine

When we arrived at the ground, the sight we had to greet us, was a memorable one. A

great setting for the last game of what had been a fantastic tour so far. Once inside the historic club house, I am ashamed to say that most people (me included) were more interested in the posters on the wall than the historic beauty of the place. Anyway, captain for the day was Reinder Lubbers, who won the toss to put the opposition in to field. Opening the innings for VRA with a carefully balanced mix of experience were Maarten Slagter (16) and Leon Turmaine (25), who put on 40 off 12 overs until Leon decided to give the cover fielder catching practice. Floris, unfortunately, left cheaply, scoring just 2. And in comes the man under pressure, wanting to do well because his family was watching, Hugo scored a good 7 runs! Hugo and Slagter then made way for the two stars of the show. Reinder and SOS put on a great show of hitting, peppering the tennis courts on all sides of the field. A memorable one from sos hitting straight over the sightscreen landing 30 yards behind the boundary into the middle of the courts! Their rapid partnership was worth 140, with SOS ending on 63 and Reinder scoring an unbeaten 79 not out. Also worth a mention is Ruurt, who scored 5 at the end, including a nice boundary! And also Ronald “the Traitor” Noronha, playing for the opposition, who took 1 for 24 in his 6 overs and took an amazing run out to get rid of Jelger for 0, with a flat throw from the boundary cannoning directly into the stumps. In the end, we managed to get up to 214-8 off our 40 overs, which might prove to be difficult to defend on a lightning fast outfield and good batting deck. After the break and another great tea our fears were quickly quelled as Reinder (3-12-3) came steaming in with 4 slips in place and bowled an excellent 3-over spell. Removing three of their premier batsman with fast, swinging bowling. Piotr also bowled economically from the other end with figures of 4-13-1. Things then were looking comfortable and Reinder seemed to agree, taking the opening bowlers off after 7 overs, to let everyone have a bowl. There were wickets for Slagter (4-26-1), Ruurt (2-16-2), who bowled well. And Floris who bowled disciplined line and length to take 3.1-15-2. All of this well backed up by excellent fielding. We took 8 catches and 1 run out. Things got a bit dicey at the end though, when Ronald “the Traitor” (23) came in and their number 9 started smashing the ball around with the score at 147-8 after 27 there were a few nerves about. Until Floris Kapelle took those two crucial wickets to seal the game. In the end, USSC managed to get to 153 ao in 31 overs. A reasonably comfortable win, played very well by captain Reinder as everyone got a bat and a bowl in the last game on tour.§

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ZAMI CAMBRIDGE TOUR REPORT, Friday 15 July 2011

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Dutch goddess tames by Luke Brown From a romantic rendez-vous in the sands of Dubai where a rugged Zimbabwean is tamed by a Dutch goddess there comes a story that has lead to these very lush green pastures of VRA upon which together with their brethren many a white suit has been donned and fresh jugs of golden nectar readily consumed. Thank goodness it was not a mirage and our Dutch heroine has tamed her jagged suitor through the dainty handling of that familiar hard red sphere of leather. Else who knows what would have become of our little Zimbi warrior who aspires to hitting his line and length in all facets of life. On September the 9th the time came to settle the final score that would send these two on an infinite journey through life together, one final chance to pit them and their chosen Page

78


rugged Zimbabwean LUKE AND SUZANNE VRA WEDDING MATCH, Friday 9 Sept 2011

teams against one another in a gruelling test of cricketing prowess. Luke, bolstered by the presence of zijn ouders, who had endured the long trek from Zim, is brimming with confidence and his antagonism only serves to strengthen his opposition’s resolve. The wedding match commenced on a typically fine Dutch day, interspersed by the usual patches of dry and wet, accompanied by the thunderous raw of the KLM jumbos overhead. Suzanne’s team bats first and posts a phenomenal total in their allotted 15 overs. A fine display of batting foremost by our Dutch heroine, ably assisted by her merry band of cricketers, meant that the challenge to the Zimbi team was all that more imposing. >> Page 79


LUKE AND SUZANNE VRA WEDDING MATCH, Friday 9 Sept 2011

Berry “sleek and polished hitter� Brown played a brave and pivotal role in supporting his son, our Zimbi, in the batting fight back to restore some sort of pride. The team laid their lives on the line for the Zimbis, yet the win had alluded them. The Dutchie lass and her bowling was relentless and deserved of award. The final score according to Suzanne was that her team won by a run, but according to Zimbi a no ball and five runs off the last ball left the scores level! A fine piece of VRA cricket score engineering! A fantastic dinner and awards ceremony ensued with the usual quenching of thirsts on the golden nectar in abundance! The party went through the night resulting in a most memorable of evenings! Page

80


Page 81


ZAMI Batting Statistics 02011

0PLAYERS NAME

0P Yisrael

0M George

0J Mulder SOS 0P McPhillimy 0Sobti 0Rier

0R Mulder 0Jaffri

0Akkerman 0Kappelle 0Noronha 0Spits

0W van Mierlo 0Ellerton

0N Fowler 0Bier

0S Salomons 0Spits 0Turmaine 0L Collignon 0Bantwal

0Van der Spek 0M van der Spek 0Dekkers 0Hintzen

0S Kempen 0S Bantwal 0Lynch 0R Dura 0B Ahmed 0Hazeweijer

PLAYED INNS

7 9

6 8 5 9 3 6 6 10 9 5 9 4 7 9 5 4 1 5 3 3 4 8 6 4 1 2 1 1 5

7 8 5 8 5 9 3 6 6 9 7 3 5 4 5 7 5 4 1 5 2 3 4 5 4 3 1 1 1 1 3

0N.O

0RUNS

H.S

AVG.

0

227 224 214 193 182 168 160 149 137 125 112 104 95

67 61

134 61 91 82 74 86 52 33 35 54 85

32 32

94 93 78 69

33 42 26 35

24 23 13 14

55 54 51 40 36

32 46 21 14 16

0

1 0

2 1 1 0

2 2 1 2 1 2 0

1 1 0 0 0

1 2 0

1 2 1

60 59 55

0

31

1 1

28 26 24

0 0 0

20 20

27 59 19

18 28 26 24 20 17

43 32 46 21 53 37 34 16 22 52 32

15 59 14 18 17 13 12 10 0 0

24 20 7 Page

82


ZAMI Batting Statistics 2011 0

0PLAYERS NAME

0Korthals Altes 0R Duhra 0Geensen 0B Steenhof

0J Korthals Altes 0J Mulder Agent 0M Slagter

0W Ahmed 0H Mabier 0Van Nierop 0Schreuder 0M de kruijff 0Molenaar 0M Blokland 0R Mair

B Dubois T Smith K Wabiri M Gray Bertholet T Lindemann Richardson

0PLAYED

0INNS

0N.O

0RUNS

0H.S.

0AVG.

1 1

1 1

1

17 16

17 16

0

11 9 8 7 6 5 4

11 9 8 5 6 3 4

1 1 1 2 6 1 1 2 4 1 9 3 2 1 1 1 1 3 5 6

1 1 1 1 4 1 1 1 2 1 4 2 2 1 1 1 1 1 2 2

0 0 0 0 0

2 0 0

1 0 0

1 1

1 1 1

16 15 14 12 11

3 3 3 3 2 2 1 0

16 15 14 12 5

2 3 3 3 2 2 1 0

16 16 15 14 12 6 11 9 0

4 6 1 4 2 3 3 2 1 0

Page 83


ZAMI Bowling Statistics 2011 0

RANK

0PLAYERS NAME

1

0Noronha

2

0Jaffri

3

0Hazeweijer

4

0R Mulder

5

0P McPhillimy

6

0Rier

7

0M George

8

0Spits

9

0J Mulder SOS

10

0P Yisrael

11

0Bantwal

12

0Richardson

13

0Dekkers

14

0N Fowler

15

0Sobti

16

0S Bantwal

17

0M Gray

18

0L Collignon

19

0W van Mierlo

20

0N Bertholet

21

0R Mair

22

0Van Nierop

23

0Waziri

24

0Ahmad

25

0Korthals Altes

26

0Bertholet

27

0Molenaar

28

0M Slagter

29

0Ellerton

30

0R Schreuder

31

0Geensen 0

OVERS 0RUNS

WICKETS

AVG

54.33

278

13

14.1

32.00

146

11

16.3

28.00

154

8

24.4

35.00

168

6

8.3

36.00 21.00 24.33 16.00

115 84

144 115

31.20

130

19.00

105

31.00 17.00

189 113

23.00

120

25.00

196

18.20 7.00 5.00

16.00

125 21 24 83

28.00

179

8.00

42

4.00 7.00

10.00 11.00 11.00

10.00

13 50 53 56 60 62

20.00

147

1.00

5

23.00 2.00 5.00

151 7

15

11

9.5

8

18.4

7

30.3

5

32.5

5

25.3

4

14.2

4

23.0

3

12.0

3

8.5

5

31.0

4

24.1

4

21.8

4

16.8

3

43.7

3

30.0

2

4.0

2

53.0

2

33.0

2

112.0

2

EC.RATE

32.0

2

109.0

2

0.0

1

0.0

1

0.0

2

0.0

2

0.0

1

0.0 0

Page

84


ZAMI 0All Round Average 2011 0 Name P Yisrael M George J Mulder SOS P McPhillimy Sobti Rier R Mulder Jaffri Noronha Spits W van Mierlo Ellerton N Fowler Turmaine L Collignon Bantwal Dekkers S Kempen Hazeweijer B Steenhof M Slagter W Ahmed Molenaar R Mair Bertholet Richardson

Batting Average

Wickets

32

5

32

6

43

5

32

8

46

4

21

7

53

8

37

11

22

13

52

5

32

3

24

1

23

4

59

1

14

3

28

7

13

4

10

1

7

11

15

1

6

2

11

2

1

2

2

2

2

4

0

4 Page 85


ZAMI Fielding Statistics 2011 0 0RANK

0PLAYERS NAME

1

0M George

2

0Rier

3

0Dekkers

4

0Spits

5

0S Kempen

6

0P Yisrael

7

0T Lindemann

8

0Akkerman

9

0Noronha

10

0J Mulder SOS

11

0Molenaar

12

0Sobti

13

0L Collignon

14

0N Fowler

15

0W van Mierlo

16

0S Bantwal

17

0J Korthals Altes

18

0Bertholet

19

0Gray

20

0P McPhillimy

21

0M Slagter

22

0N Bertholet

23

0S Salomons

24

0M Blokland

25

Kappelle

26

Ellerton

27

Hintzen

28

Bier

29

Spits

30

Mulder

31

Hazeweijer

CAUGHT

7 5 5 5 4 4 4 4 4 3 3 3 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1

STUMPED

3 2 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 1 0 0

TOTAL

10 7 5 5 4 4 4 4 4 3 3 3 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 2 1 2 1 1

Page

86


Page 87 0

50

100

150

200

250

VRA ZAMI BATTING –TOTAL RUNS PER BATSMAN

P&McPhillimy Rier

Jaffri Kappelle Spits Ellerton Bier Spits

Bantwal

Hintzen

Lynch

R&Duhra

M&Slagter

H&Mabier Schreuder Molenaar

R&Mair T&Smith M&Gray

Richardson

ZAMI BATTING — TOTAL RUNS PER BATSMAN

P&Yisrael

M&George J&Mulder&SOS

Sobti R&Mulder Akkerman

Noronha W&van&Mierlo N&Fowler S&Salomons

Turmaine L&Collignon

Van&der&Spek M&van&der&Spek Dekkers S&Kempen S&Bantwal R&Dura B&Ahmed

Hazeweijer Korthals&Altes

Geensen B&Steenhof J&Korthals&Altes

J&Mulder&Agent W&Ahmed Van&Nierop

M&de&kruijff M&Blokland B&Dubois

K&Wabiri Bertholet&

T&Lindemann


Page

88

0

2

4

6

8

10

12

14

a h n o r o N

ir ff aJ

r eji e w ez a H

r e ld u 6M R

y m ill i h Pc 6M P

r ei R

eg r o e 6G M

st i p S S O S6 r e d l u 6M J

l ea rs iY 6 P la w t n a B n o s d ra h ci R

sr ek k e D r el w o F6 N

ti b o S

la w t n a 6B S

ya r G 6 M

n o n gil l o 6C L

o lr ei M 6 n av 6 W

t el o th r e B 6 N

ri a M 6 R

p o r ei N 6 n a V

ir iz a W

d a m h A

s et l A 6s la h tr o K

6t le o h tr e B

ra a n el o M

r teg al 6S M

n o tr ell E

r e d u er h cS 6 R

n ir es a n M e e G

n e p m e 6KS

ka i m a d A

e in a m r u T

f o h n e et 6S B

ya d k r e ep G m S6 h r 6A ed W 6n av 6 M

ZAMI BOWLING —WICKETS TOTAL PER BOWLER VRA ZAMI BATTING –TOTAL PER WICKERS BOWLER


Page 89

0

2

4

6

8

10

12

14

0'

Mair Bertholet

Richardson

10'

20'

Rier

Steenhof

Collignon

Dekkers

Ahmed

Kempen

Slagter

Bertholet

Hazeweijer

Ellerton

Fowler

Noronha

40'

Sobti

SOS Mulder

Batting average

30'

Yisrael

George

Van Mierlo

Bantwal

McPhillimy

Jaffri

50'

Spits

R Mulder

60'

Turmaine

70'

ZAMIVRA ALLZAMI ROUND PERFORMANCE: WICKETS v BATTING ALL ROUND PERFORMANCE: WICKETS VS BATTING AVERAGEAVERAGE

Total wickets


Dreams of summer cricket fill my winter pillow. But it’s time to dust off my leather and willow. I’ve been practicing my pull shot with my umbrella. Thank you Rain God for the appalling weather. But now it’s the beginning of May. And I’m heading off to VRA. Richo

Page

90


Cow Corner Magazine 2011