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Support Women Artists Now Day - Please join us on Thursday, March 15th and Friday, March 16th for two nights of eclectic art in all shapes and forms, highlighting numerous fantastically talented female artists, promoting unity, poise, and progression throughout the Pittsburgh community among women of all ages and backgrounds.  SWAN Day Pittsburgh 2012 is part of an international holiday called SWAN (Support Women Artists Now) Day, which was founded in 2008 to honor women artists around the world. SWAN Day Pittsburgh 2012 marks No Name Players’ fourth annual SWAN Day event!  

Thursday March 15th and Friday March 16th at 8pm (There will be a reception at 6pm on the first night)  

The New Hazlett Theater  

Ticket link: showclix.com/events/nonameplayers/tag

  Facebook link: facebook.com/events/334161943290661 2

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TABLE of CONTENTS on the COVER 11 16 32 48 61

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Project Runway Nadia G Miami Swim Una Burke Katie-Maree Cole

FASHION 6 10 13 38 42 68 78 79

81 48

68 20

Accessories Zhanna Jordanna Younger Diffusion Lines Aerie MUXO Favorite Things Men’s

COLUMNS 14 14 15 20 30 40 41 86 87 88 image by Dan Landoni

Take It or Leave It Save the Drama Body Front Row Chateau RADAR Why You Should Care Dish TakeOneDown Train Wrecked In this Corner


EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Gina Hussar ART DIRECTOR Rob Soltis MANAGING DIRECTOR Edwin Shaw DIRECTOR OF ADVERTISING Keith Knezovich SENIOR MARKET EDITOR Charissa Livingston FEATURES DIRECTOR Elisa Llera DIRECTOR OF DEVELOPMENT Isabella LaQuatra SPECIAL PROJECTS MANAGER Shaylee Capatolla EDITOR AT LARGE Sarah Davis SENIOR FASHION EDITOR Nicole Myers DIRECTOR OF MENSWEAR Nick Ceraso ACCESSORIES EDITOR Kaitlyn McCall Pieri BEAUTY EDITOR Bethany Montecalvo GRAPHIC DESIGN Kasia Mano and Chris Balogh FEATURED WRITERS Matt Caruso, Adam Hornyak, Jeffrey Clouser, Ashley Abraham, Aaron Valentic, Shaylee Capatolla, Charissa Livingston, Rob Soltis, Allison O’Connor, Cortny Booth, Elisa Llera, Leigh Morrow Calhoun, Dana Vogel, David Waselkow, Ryan Bunker, Lynn Sambuco, Nikki Pollo WEST COAST CORRESPONDENTS LOS ANGELES Gina Tomassone SEATTLE Leigh Morrow Calhoun DENVER Sarah Ewalt WEST COAST PRODUCTION MANAGER Felicia Gargani MIAMI Marie Colom WASHINGTON D.C. Jeffrey Clouser NEW YORK CITY Julienne Shaw INTERNATIONAL LONDON Sara Antes Rigg NEW ZEALAND Rahat Chaudry BLOG DIRECTORS DIRECTOR OF LIFE AND ENTERTAINMENT Shaylee Capatolla DIRECTOR OF FASHION RELATED CONTENT Ryan Bunker DIRECTOR OF ARTS AND CULTURE Cortny Booth Wardrobe by Una Burke

COVER Photography BY Andreas Waldschuetz

MODEL Justine @ Fresh Model Mgmt

Front Row Monthly is a publication of Front Row Monthly Inc. frontrowmonthly.com frontrowmonthly@gmail.com 412.585.1445


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FRM EDITOR LETTER

here’s just something hopeful about March, yes? The weather becomes a little more tolerable, Shamrock Shakes are back and spring is FINALLY within reach. And with the beginning of spring comes Spring Fashion!! (insert wistful sigh here). I die for boho maxi dresses, flirty florals and a fierce open-toed wedge. This year is a bit different however, as I will be spending the spring months in the third trimester of my third pregnancy! Don’t get me wrong, I will still try to squeeze my ass into a few must-haves, but when all else fails, I will be hiding behind my new favorite statement bags. Enter MUXO. MUXO is the brainchild of stunning model (and Matthew McConaughey’s other half) Camila Alves. Alves has created a super stylish and functional line with unique, eye-catching details. A must for trend-setters! Katie-Maree Cole was featured a few issues ago in our Battle of the Brands section, but when we saw her line for this season, we had to have her back. If you love everything about the seaside and summer,

you’ll love these easy, breezy looks that are a little bit sweet and a whole lot of sexy! And speaking of sexy, we’ve got Nadia G, the Cooking Channel’s host of “Bitchin’ Kitchen.” Read this interview. You’ll laugh your ass off. She is, (to borrow some cooking terms) spicy, saucy and hotter than the hottest tamale! As if that’s not enough, check out UNA BURKE!! Her name may not be familiar to you, but her work certainly is. That time you turned on the T.V., saw Lady Gaga’s outfit and said “Where on earth does she get these costumes?” Una Burke. Burke has designed amazing looks for Lady Gaga herself, as well as Rhianna and Christina Aguilera. This is a stunning spread showing the meticulous craftsmanship of a true artist. Enjoy!

Gina

areyouscared? 210 Federal Street, Suite 200 Pittsburgh, PA 15212 info@scaredbunnyentertainment.com m arch 2012

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FASHION

ACCESSORIES:

STYLE MISSION: BOOTS by Kaitlyn McCall Pieri

There aren’t many items you can wear year round. Boots, in my opinion are the exception! Not only are there many different kinds of boots, but there are many ways to wear each pair. Here I styled seven different outfits, each paired with a different type of boot. Never allow an item to be season specific. By adding something as simple as tights, you can take a summer outfit and bippity boppity boo it to a perfect fall ensemble. These seven different boot trends are some of my favorites, but never be afraid of stepping outside the box with a crazy pair of show stopping boots. Think of them as a bold, statement accessory. These boots are made for much more than walkin’! Kaitlyn McCall Pieri is Front Row Monthly’s Accessories Editor. For more from Kaitlyn visit theurbanflamingo.blogspot.com

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FASHION

March: Month of the Mermaid by Ryan Bunker

W

ith February over and March now here, I am reminded of one thing; aquamarine. Aquamarine, the gemstone for this month, if translated literally, means “sea water.” Now imagine you are a child, flying a kite by the water, or a grieving lover, wandering for hours along the shore, finding comfort in the calm and majestic beauty of the sea. This light blue color, representing peace and serenity, inspires minds and evokes emotion in the heart of anyone who need but observe; this month, Front Row Monthly is celebrating the pure and raw beauty of the aquamarine by finding articles of clothing with this color pallet. Sit back, relax, and enjoy FRM’s Aquamarine Picks for March: From the ISSA collection, this stunning silk dress embraces the true beauty of the gem it is dyed after. With a gathered front and a deep v-neck, this dress is youthful and sensuous, like a deep sea mermaid. Showing a more sexy and seductive side of this alluring color, Front Row favorite, Naven, has created an amazing dress for a girl’s night on the town. Embracing the power of aquamarine, this short silk dress with heart-shaped bust line and front boning is a sure fire way to channel your inner sea goddess. Displaying a more versatile side of aquamarine, designer Tadashi Shoji has crafted a simply stunning full length mermaid gown. Adorned with an asymmetrical one shoulder neck line, ruching, and beaded appliqué, this radiant dress delivers a one-two punch of sex appeal and confidence. The fabulous powerhouse, Diane von Furstenberg, takes on this divine color and successfully creates a modest and elegant garment. Complete with precision draping and ruffling, this dress is playful and

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sleek while being sophisticated and conservative at the same time. You simply cannot go wrong with this dress. No outfit is complete without the perfect pair of heels, and Dior definitely agrees. This python print peep-toe pump utilizes aquamarine to create a brilliant heel that adapts to the ideals that this color represents; strength, courage, and confidence. Finally, the perfect finishing touch—the statement piece. From Harry Winston, this breathtaking 4.31 carrot aquamarine in a 204 round diamond embellished platinum setting is the epitome of the overwhelming beauty that this one color is able to produce. What better way to celebrate March then with this little treasure! This month, allow yourself to be enveloped in aquamarine. Be bold, be courageous, and be beautiful. With aquamarine, there is no way you can go wrong! It looks good on absolutely everyone.

Photo Credits: Tadashi Shoji One-Shoulder Taffeta Mermaid Gown, $161.00, NeimanMarcus.com ISSA Gathered Silk-Jersey Dress, $465.00, Net-a-porter.com Naven Heartthrob Dress, $265.00, Naven.net Diane von Furstenberg ‘Alba’ Stretch Silk Dress, $385.00, Nordstrom.com Dior-Miss Dior Python-Print Calfskin Peep Toe Pumps, $660.00, SaksFifthAvenue.com Suspension by Harry Winston, Aquamarine and Diamond Ring, HarryWinston.com

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FASHION

It’s ZHANNA, Darling

This is a story about a girl who is enchanted by the shine of silk, entranced by the swish of chiffon, captivated by the softness of cashmere. But, enough about me. Well, actually, it’s all about me. And you. Now it’s also about you. I’ve lived in the suburbs my entire life. And for as long as I can remember I’ve felt trapped. Don’t get me wrong, I have a fabulous life and a fabulous closet to boot, one that doesn’t always coordinate with the tracksuits I lose count of before 10 a.m. on a Monday morning. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be the polished woman in the little black Dolce & Gabbana dress, sky high Manolo Blahniks, Hermes bag swinging on her arm while walking down Fifth Avenue. Today, I am this woman. Only I don’t live on Fifth Avenue. I live in a small town, one that isn’t always accepting of the said little black dress. But that’s what I’m here for – to show you that there is life beyond a neon pink Juicy Couture tracksuit. You can be a highend fashionista even in the ‘burbs. In honor of the birth date of my column, I’ll start with the basics. Swap the tracksuit for a pair of slouchy boyfriend jeans and an oversize sweater. Add a pop of color underneath the sweater. Try a blouse in your favorite color and have the collar peak out. Pair the jeans with a killer wedge, bootie, stiletto, a pair of flats, the possibilities are endless and they don’t even have to be the Chanel flats pictured. My personal favorite way to amp up my outfit is to switch my shoes every few hours. A statement necklace takes this outfit from day to night. In essence, we’ve just created two outfits. Wear it with flats on your morning run to Starbucks and pair it with sky-high stilettos when you’re out on the town. See what I just did there? Here’s my advice to you. I know you want it. If you can’t seem to find a personal style, are lost in the mass of trends (I’m here to help you sort them out), don’t know what fits your body – take a celebrity or whoever inspires you, who you simply adore, and emulate them, copy what they wear. Try this. Try this now. And tell me how it works for you. Before you run off (and do as I say), I’ll leave you with the wise words of Serena Van Der Woodsen, “You can be whoever you want to be.” Or something like that.

What I’m wearing

Gap sweater, Joe’s Jeans, The Loft blouse, Tory Burch flats, Louis Vuitton purse, Madewell bib necklace, Luxury Rebel pumps “Zhanna Darling is Front Row Monthly’s NYC ambassador and resident “it” girl. Her closet is nicer than your house.”

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FASHION

from

ProjecttoRunway your closet! T

im Gunn is hailed as one of the fashion industry’s most stylish men and one of its most honest (yet diplomatic) critics. If Tim Gunn says something is “stunning,” people listen. So pay attention! Because “stunning” is exactly the word Mr. Gunn used to describe the work of Project Runway Season 8 Contestant Kristin Haskin-Simms. Haskin-Simms began her career as a graphic designer and a t-shirt designer. After entering the competition on a “whim and a dare,” she has gone on to grow her beautiful line called Strangefruit, a contemporary, ready-to-wear collection made up of unique and fashion-forward pieces and produced right here in America. We chatted with Kristin about her plans for the line and life after Project Runway. FRM: Why was it important to design clothing that teaches a little about the history of fashion? Haskin-Simms: I was an adjunct Professor at the time and it just amazed me that even college students were a little ignorant of their history, to say the least. I wanted the t-shirts to be like “cheat sheets” so that if they needed to recall some historical fact, they could remember the T-shirt they bought. For instance, I had a T-Shirt dedicated to Angela Davis that a young lady bought, thinking it was Angie Stone, the R&B singer. After it was explained to her who Angela Davis was, she loved the shirt even more. In a sense that shopping experience turned out to be an educational one. FRM: You started as a graphic designer, and then went on to design t-shirts. How did this morph into a beautiful, full collection? Haskin-Simms: To be honest I don’t know. It was never my intention to be a fashion designer. As much as I try to have a plan or strategy in life, there are moments when you have to trust your instincts and just let things happen organically. And morphing from graphic to fashion designer was one of those moments. There actually is a similarity between the two disciplines. The root being that you have to find creative solutions to a “problem”. FRM: Is every piece organic? Haskin-Simms: Pretty much. I do have patterns that were created from my organic pieces so that they can be reproduced. However, I do variations of those patterns as well. I’m really a draper but have learned a lot of tricks from seamstresses and even fellow designers on my season.

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FRM: Tim Gunn called your work “stunning.” (That HAD to be amazing!) How has your life changed since appearing on Project Runway? Haskin-Simms: Tim is great! And it was an honor to just spend some time with him. I still get recognized but most importantly being on the show has opened many doors which have helped grow my business. However you can’t just rest on that exposure alone. You continuously need to produce, build your business, create relationships with retailers and prove that you can deliver. One famous,very established designer told me that no one in the fashion industry takes Project Runway that seriously, yet she agreed to give me a tour of her NY showroom. FRM: Can you let us in on the future plans for Strange Fruit?? Haskin-Simms: My Spring line is almost complete and ready for delivery to several boutiques. Of course I have trunk shows scheduled as well. I also am producing a Fall line but I’m a little behind as my son will be born any day now. Thank goodness I have a great team in place to handle my needs while I am on some sort of maternity leave. We will see how that goes. FRM: You describe the line as being for women who are “strange.” Can you please clarify that a bit?

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Haskin-Simms: I was always considered “strange” as a child because I did things differently. Hence I just translated that as Strangefruit- dare to be different. “Strange” to me implies women who don’t follow trends and who aren’t afraid to wear what looks good on them. I also don’t want my design to be one season but something that will be a staple in a woman’s wardrobe for years to come. | FrM | frontrowmonthly.com

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FASHION

Want to Dress like an FRM stepped into an “it” girl’s snazzy “It” Girl? boutique. Here’s what we found! by Nikki Pollo photos by Doug Helmick

We’ve all been there- standing in our closets, twenty minutes late for something important, pushing hangers around, waiting for something new and fabulous to magically appear. Weddings, date nights, partieswhat’s a girl to do? Jordanna Younger, owner of a new and hand-picked clothing hotspot called Chic Boutique, has always had an eye for detail. And it’s the details, she says, that make or break a fashionista moment, no matter what the occasion.

short, too tight dresses). For fall and winter I would pretty much always stay with darker colors, and then in the summer you can play around a lot more with warmer colors.” ...a night out when an ex is present? “Try and look your best! Maybe try something a little bit more revealing, but stay pretty, and again, always classy.” ...a fashion show? “It would definitely depend on what kind of fashion show that you are attending. Then, you can choose something to match the theme.” ... for professional attire “I always liked black slacks with a button-down. You can even go with a sweater over a colorful button-down underneath for the top. Simple, work-appropriate but body conscious.” ...for comfortable student attire? “I would suggest for winter, just a pair of boots with leggings, and a baggier [chic] top. Leggings are my everyday go-to; I wear them with everything! In addition to these quick tips, Younger also shared that “it” girls should always keep leggings in their closet at all times as well as some unconventional neutrals like pink and navy. Coming up for the spring months, “I think bright colors will definitely be in,” Younger said. “Skirts, unique dresses, and different colored pants will be a must too.” Fashion reaches beyond just clothing. For instance, Younger mentioned that scarves are undoubtedly in right now, but too much jewelry is distracting from the outfit and unnecessary. “I love scarves; they’re definitely in,” Younger said. “I’m not too big, honestly, on accessorizing with jewelry though. If you’re wearing a plain top, I would go with a long necklace or a big pair of earrings, but that’s all. The rest of what you’re wearing should be enough.”

FRM: Thanks so much for letting us crash your “closet.” It seems like everyone we know is getting married. What would an “it girl” wear to a wedding? Younger: “I would try to keep it very classy and chic! In the winter or fall, stick with more of a black dress. In the spring or summer, do more color; something fun. I would always keep it over the knee though, nothing too short.” ...girls night out? “I’m really into the high-waisted pants with a blouse tucked in, or a blazer with a leather jacket over top of it. (Great way to stick out in a sea of too

The last bit of guidance that Younger provided helps aspiring fashionistas step outside the box as well as save money, which enables more purchases. Shoppers should consider being more open-minded and check out independent shops and boutiques as opposed to malls and other retail chain clothing stores. Boutiques such as Younger’s carry only limited quantities of each individual items, making every purchase nearly one-of-a-kind. Also, most of these styles are hand-picked from emerging designers. “That is why you should always give different places a chance,” Younger said. “If you continue to go to malls and chain stores, you’ll continue to get the same old designs. I feel that boutiques are nice because they are a one-stop trip, uncommon, and affordable.” facebook.com/ChicBoutiquepgh

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POINT of VIEW SAVE THE

DRAMA! Be a little less

So, we totally hate it when people talk badly about us to others, right? Right. So, why do we talk badly about ourselves—to ,well, ourselves? No one likes a Mean Girl (or boy!), or a pity party. “I look fat in these jeans.” “I should have never eaten that cookie.” “How did I let myself skip a workout?” “I am butchering my health with all these poor choices!” Put a sock in it already! All of these phrases are only counterproductive to your health in the long run. Didn’t you know—self-compassion goes a lot further than bitching when it comes to motivating you to reach your goals?

little chocolate cake for the skinny bitch’s birthday two cubicles down. STOP RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE! Do not beat yourself up over this! You had a little moment of weakness, that’s okay. Instead of bitchy to yourself freaking out, try telling yourself by Shaylee Capatolla that you’ll work it off with some extra time on the treadmill tonight. You indulged, now deal with your decision and make up for it later. With a little extra push at the gym, the guilt will disappear. Promise. Plus cake is good and life is meant to be enjoyed. Period.

YOU BROKE YOUR GYM COMMITMENT

Stop playing the role of drill sergeant with yourself when it comes to working out –“I must make it to every single Yoga class this week! Every single one!” Instead, try a different approach; such as—“I am going to try to fit Yoga into my schedule this week.” When we set too strict of a goal, we can feel pretty lousy if we fall short. Try to eliminate “must” and “have to” when it comes to goal setting. This will lead to fewer disappointments and ultimately more self-compassion. The more self-compassion—the greater the urge to take care of our bodies.

YOU HAVE LOUSY RELATIONSHIPS

Well, hello! You can’t love anyone until you love yourself! When you utilize self-compassion, you obtain what you need—comfort, motivation, and relaxation. This will, in turn, free up more of your time to give to others. Ultimately strengthening your relationships, and giving others more desire to be around you! When you are nicer to yourself, you expect more and put up with less. Doesn’t that sound good?

Save the Drama and be a little nicer to yourself! Be kind, even when you make a mistake. Caring about yourself will encourage you to do what is best, rather than what is harmful. Studies show that self-compassionate beings are more proactive when it comes to making better choices; such as taking vitamins, practicing safe sex, and going to the doctors when they YOUR DINNER IS YOUR COMFORT BLANKET Self-criticism stirs up negativity; including anxiety and self-loathing. feel sick. If you don’t take care of YOU, who will? What happens when we self-loathe? We often look to do some emotional Cut yourself some slack—it just might happily push you to that work out, eating. Go a little easier on yourself—it could mean avoiding the gallon lose some weight, and increase your health overall. Read on for some of ice cream in the freezer. When you are feeling the urge to squash a bad drama saving pointers, and GOOD LUCK! mood with a dozen donuts, get outside instead, or call a friend, or turn up the music, or buy some shoes. There are many fab and uplifting things YOU SURRENDERED TO THE CAKE IN THE BREAKROOM you can do other than pick up a fork. You’ll be proud of yourself. And Okay, so you promised that you wouldn’t consume any desserts this you can thank me later. month, but you gave in once you saw all of your co-workers enjoying a

Take it or Leave it: hott FRM takes on your trickiest dilemmas. (Notice we didn’t say that we solve them. In fact, we may make it worse.) A few words of wisdom from two polar opposite pools of thought.

ADAM SAYS:

Dear FRM, I am in desperate need of your help!  For the past 2 months I have been dating an amazing guy.  He’s great, really he is.  But, there is one small problem.  His brother is incredibly HOTT.  I mean, I just cannot contain myself.  And, more and more I find that I am flirting with him!  Right in front of my man!  I just can’t help it--or deny the sexual tension between the two of us!  What is a girl to do!???

Is “HOTT” the only thing that matters here? My brother is much better looking than me, but I have a certain je ne sais quoi that transcends that of looks. I’m fun, respectful, and have a certain appendage on my body that most men could only dream of. You have to look past the appearance of the brother and stick with the guy you’ve been dating. Hotness typically translates to douche bag in many cases, and you would kick yourself if you dumped a truly nice guy for a quick hump with his sibling. Even if it did work out, how uncomfortable would family reunions be, knowing that you’ve banged multiple people in the mandatory photos? “Did him, did him, did him…” You would instantly be known as a whore to your friends (if you aren’t already), so hang on to the one that’s working and let Brad Pitt fuck his way through women that aren’t hooking up with 14 his| Fbrother. rM | frontrowmonthly.com

SHAYLEE SAYS:

Impressive, Adam; you seem to be right on track with this one! Girl, I say you need to ignore those feelings until they go away. You said it yourself, your man is great! Great guys are few and far between. Don’t let some ridiculous attraction to his BROTHER ruin this for you. Trust me! Ignore those feelings until they go away. They WILL go away. Physical attractions are short lived. That “crush” of yours will surely disappear—if you let it. So, concentrate on what you have right in front of you—an amazing guy! The grass isn’t always greener, ya know! Editor’s Note: Wait…. What just happened?? Did Shaylee just AGREE with Adam??? It must be true then. The apocalypse must really be coming.

To submit your question to Front Row Monthly, please send it to advice.frm@gmail.com

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BODY

FRONT

ROW

FIT

I love the month of March!  The arrival of spring boasts, sun, longer days and warmer weather. The anticipation of watching the land gradually become lush again with flowers and grass. This also signals what is right around the corner . . .SWIMSUIT SEASON!!!! We now begin to have different options in terms of exercise.  We can all utilize the outdoor weather more broadly now:)  I am going to pass on various training tips that I personally use during this time of year. It helps minimize boredom and can become more invigorating with breathing  fresh oudoor air and new surroundings;) Spring is also the most optimal time for air quality in terms of mugginess, air pollution and the sheer presence of heat that can be deterents during the summer months.

1)

Go for a run!!!  You can adjust your pace and distance according to your comfort/ability level. I aim for a goal of three times per week (weather permitting).

2)

Run up and down the bleachers or stairs in your local area. I utilize my local school stadium.  This exercise will help target your glutes, quadriceps and hamstrings.  This also allows for a faster

Domestic Dandy

A

and quicker increase in heart rate due to the upward movement on the stairs as opposed to running on a level flat surface. This all adds up to more calories burned per hour!!

3)

Leave your workplace at lunch or break and walk outside in the sun.  Remember that at the end of the day it is the total calories burned that counts!

4)

In line skating. You can utulize a local trail, playground or parking lot. I personally use the latter with my family:) It is a great exercise for toning your quadriceps and maintaining balance and stability movements.

5)

Go for a bike ride. I take my bike with me in my vehicle and after work, go for a nice long ride. I am a huge advocate of wearing a helmet while biking!  Please exercise all safety precautions while doing this activity such as wearing a helmet and be aware of traffic patterns and road rules as they apply to you.

6)

Take a hike . . .literally!! When people think of hiking they picture a trail or mountainous area. Not always so!!! This exercise can also be used by city dwellers.  Last summer I put on my trail shoes and rode into the city.  I walked all around the downtown area, taking in the sights and going up and down stairs.  I learned my way around the city and locations of various places I hadn’t known before.  I was so distracted by the sight seeing that I hadn’t even noticed an hour and a half had gone by!!! Outdoor activity can provide solace in an increasingly busy world where we can become overwhelmed by people, technical devices and the like. It offers a psychological break from life stressors or boring routines in general and can be a great way to incorporate quality time with family or friends.  Explore your outside world this month and let us know how it made you feel!!  I would love to hear from my readers!!!

Lynn Sambuco is an ISSA certified personal trainer, fitness model, competitor and accomplished Writer

by Jeffrey Clouser

Dandy Dish

It’s almost spring and that makes me think of swimsuits!

The Dandy likes to keep his figure fit and trim both for himself and his public. However, after all the wonderful sweets and treats he enjoyed this season of wintry cold and big sweaters he wasn’t feeling…optimal. Enter Timothy Ferriss’ book, The 4-Hour Body. Chock full of advice and an easy to follow slow-carb diet the next bathing suit season will be off to a dandy start! Eating three meals a day, consisting of a protein, legumes and vegetables, one steers clear of carbs for 6 days a week. Thankfully… because the Dandy loves his cookies, brownies, chocolate, peanut butter…yum, ice cream, whoopee pies….oh, how I LOVE whoopee pies……oh…uh…sorry, I digress…one can eat to their heart’s content on the 7th day…..cheat day! So far it’s been a great way to eat and I’m feeling better already (It helps that the plan allows for two glasses of red wine each evening.) A recipe that has become a favorite of mine is spaghetti squash. I was lamenting the loss of a good pasta dish in the evening and was introduced to the spaghetti squash by an empathetic friend. To begin, cut your spaghetti squash in half, remove the seeds and bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 30 – 45 minutes (don’t forget oil your pan). Then, when a knife can be easily inserted into the m archto2012

rind, just pull it out of the oven....let cool down for a couple of minutes and scrape the inside of the squash with a big spoon. The meat of the squash comes out like spaghetti. I didn’t believe how easy it was until I tried it, and now I’m a faithful follower. Once all the meat is removed you can add anything to the spaghetti squash including olive oil (or a fun light dressing of your choice), fresh vegetables, tuna, chicken or salmon; or take the easy route and add a jar of your favorite tomato based sauce. We used a jar of puttenesca sauce and loved it! So the next time you’re craving a nice pasta dish, picture that swim suit and try spaghetti squash. It’s not only healthier, but it’s delicious as well. Your three-way mirror will thank you. ;)

| FrM | For more from Jeff, frontrowmonthly.com visit, domesticdandy.com

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FRM’s Exclusive Interview with

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Bitchin’ Kitchen’s Nadia G!

| FrM | frontrowmonthly.com Interview by: Leigh Morrow Calhoun

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O

ne cannot contain the sass or the bold Italian gestures of Cooking Channel’s number one show’s host and creator, Nadia Giosia of Bitchin’ Kitchen. Nadia G. takes cooking to a whole new level; bringing brut honesty and a no-holdsbarred sensibility, Nadia conveys a confidence or Nadittude to her audience sending the message that anyone, even the roughest-toughest tattooladen Harley-ridin’ motor head, can conquer the kitchen! She teases the viewer with designer stiletto’s and knockout curves, but don’t let her wild Italian femininity fool you! She is a serious cook with an even more serious appetite! Yes ladies and gents, Nadia devours her food with passion, leaving her audience wanting more of not only her delicious dishes but of her comedic juxtaposition on life centered around food. Need a recipe for breaking up with a boyfriend? She’s got it! Need to rekindle the flames of a dudmarriage? Yup! She has a full course meal for that too! Nadia is must-see TV! Her tenacity for creating an empire that started out as a comedic cooking blog online has grown exponentially into a multi media phenomenon! She can be seen Thursday nights in the US on the Cooking Channel; in Canada on the Canadian Food Network ; Plus Nadia’s fab website: bitchinlifestyle.tv Ladies and Gents, I am beyond excitement to introduce: Nadia G LMC: You are seriously genius! You have started your own branding based off of a web-based skit that has gone global. Did you ever take any marketing or business classes or partake in back-alley gambling rings that led to your street smarts? NG: *Blush. Although I slept through a coupla marketing classes in college, my virtual street smarts come from old school trial and error online. I started producing comedy vids on the web in 2001. I quickly learned that making “cool videos” isn’t enough if you wanna make it on the wild, wild web. You have to also become a ninja at design/ branding, promotion, social strategy, learn how to really engage a community… You need to be a Jane-of-all-Trades.

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LMC: Why did you have the urge to start your own online show? NG: I’m lucky enough to have grown up Net Gen. With the web you don’t have to wait around for someone to green-light your project, you can just jump right in and get your hands dirty. I’ve always been a food-obsessed comedian with a rock star fantasy. With Bitchin’ Kitchen I get to make fun of my cake, eat it too, and look shpak while doing it ;). LMC: Since you have broken into the US market, have you changed anything to suit the US taste? NG: Not really, Cooking Channel has been awesome! They’re next level when it comes to food entertainment, and embrace the kookiness that is Bitchin’ Kitchen. Plus our show is tops on the network, so as the old Italian saying goes: “If it ain’t broke, don’t re-write the jet pack jokes.” LMC: Also, are you ready to take over America and change the way they think about cooking?  Do you believe your edgy take on owning who you are and going out to get something for yourself is the up and coming market?(Check out all of the competitive TV cooking shows that are out there, they celebrate owning identity and fighting tooth and nail to get what they want). NG: Agreed. These days it’s all about being yourself, being real, and dishing it out with a side of Nadittude. The social web is all about expressing yourself (whether its tweeting about your cat, or posting a TMI update on Facebook, people are constantly speaking their minds, and that’s a beautiful thing.) But at the same time, expressing oneself in the kitchen is as old school as it gets: When I was growing up, the women in my kitchen were loud, proud, hilarious and a little bit scary. I’m sure if we think back, it was that way for most of us… Mom’s wasn’t saccharine, that’s for sure. LMC: ‘They’ say you are the new Julia Child. I agree with this statement partly because of your cheekiness and sass in your writing and delivery, however I believe you are the combination of Julia Child and Martha Stewart: Your cheekiness + your grand sense of business =a  potent combination.  Do you want to become an empire? NG: Sure! Spearheading a little empire never hurt anybody. Seriously though, I love the freedom I have to express myself within the Bitchin’ Kitchen brand. The fact that I can design a thumbnail, a Bitchin’ new apron, and edit a music video in the same day rawks! It’s no longer about the medium, but about the message – in whatever form it takes.  

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LMC: What does your Italian family think about this? NG: My family is ecstatic! They immigrated from Italy in the 50’s with nothing but 10$ in their pocket, and fire in their guts (sopresata can do that sometimes). So seeing their daughter embody the American Dream is beyond Bitchin’. It makes me proud to make them proud. LMC: You have amazed your audience by keeping your glam rings clean while handling all sorts of food. First, what is your secret with keeping your gems untarnished from pastry, raw meat, etc … and second, what is your favorite accessory? NG: 1) I always take off my rings when handling messy stuff. 2) With me, it would have to be favorite “accessories”/ plural. There’s a jewelry set that I wear all the time… at the same time: 9 rings, 2 chains, and 4 bracelets. (Carrying all that bling around is my secret to staying in shape.) LMC: What are your favorite places to shop for clothes, shoes, and accessories? NG: I love ‘Ina’ in NYC (a second hand designer boutique), Barney’s is a pretty convenient 1-stop-shop. My favorite designers are Bess, D&G, and Betsey Johnson (the loud socks in particular.) LMC: You’re not one to shy away from cosmetics, so what’s your favorite color of lipstick? Also, false or real lashes? NG: Ruby Woo from MAC when I want red. For a more subtle look – and for me that means hot pink – I love Girl About Town (also from MAC.) With the lashes it depends: sometimes fake for extra drama. But most of the time real (cuz I can’t deal with the drama of putting on fake lashes.) LMC: What are the highest-heeled shoes you have worn while cooking? NG: I only go as high as 4 inches. Anything higher than that has got the ladies doing what I like to call “the newborn pony stumble”, that’s never sexy. LMC: Where is your favorite place to eat? (In Canada ? In US?) NG: Ooo – I love a buncha places! Rosco’s Chicken and Waffles, Mozza Osteria, The Spotted Pig, Ma Peche, in Montreal -- Jolifou… the list can go on and on, but it’s making me too hungry.  LMC: You’re cheeky in claiming the Culinary Institute of Hard Wooden Spoon Whacks as your training institute. Do you think you’ll open a school like that in the future? I know of several people who would love to enroll! NG: When it comes to teaching you need patience, and that isn’t my forte. Then again, it would be the Culinary Institute of Hard Wooden Spoon Whacks, so it could kind of work… I prefer to teach people through my show and cookbooks. It prevents lawsuits. LMC: I haven’t seen an episode with your mom or grandmother featured, it would be awesome to see them have a camio since you place them with the highest regards above Michelin chefs. I think that episode would rock! Have you had them on and I missed it or did I just create a new episode for you?  NG: You’ve created a new episode! I keep bugging my family to make a cameo, but they’re super camera shy. (I guess egomania skips a generation.)

NG: It was not bad, and when I say “not bad”, I mean freakin’ horrible. To each their own, but I’m not into gizzards. The way I see it: My family travelled forty days and forty nights on a stinkin’ boat SPECIFICALLY so we didn’t have to eat mule anus for dinner. LMC: What is the one thing you use every day that you can’t live without? NG: My computer. LMC: Since you married your soufflé on the show, off stage are you dating someone now? (Had to ask for my FRM dudes). NG: I’m lucky, I found my one true love years ago… Chocolate. LMC: One of my favorite episodes contains your 3 relationship don’ts for dating twits. How on earth did you narrow it down to just those three? NG: There are a ton of signs, but a girl’s gotta narrow it down in a half hour show. 1) No money. 2) Three kids… from three different partners. 3) They’re a workaholic, game-a-holic, alcoholic and you think they’ll change. I also added a 4th: they spray tan. I think I covered the basics. LMC:  I love that you drink shots on the show and always cheers the viewer. It’s this type of no-holds barred attitude that draws the alternative viewer to your show. What is your favorite Hard-A drink? NG: Van Gogh Premium Blue Vodka. Straight up, hold the groceries. At the end of the day, I’m just a simple girl who likes to get kicked outta bars in stilettos.  LMC: Your kitchen is like a crazy chick on crack who eats cotton candy with pop rocks while bedazzling her pug. Did you create your studio kitchen and do you add to it when you feel like there needs to be a change? NG: LOOOOOVE! Best description yet! I helped conceptualize my kitchen at the early stages, but our rock-a-licious set designer Paola Ridolfi made it what it is today. LMC: You have 9 tats, right? What urge made you get your first one? Do you think you will always get inked?...even when you’re 80? NG: Yup, 9 tatts. and I’m about due to get another. As for getting inked when I’m 80, sure! I’d maybe go for one of those Mad Magazine fold-in specials where you see one thing in the wrinkles, and Chris Farley’s face when the skin gets pulled taunt. How cool would that be?  LMC: If you had to arm-wrestle anyone for the best soufflé ever made, who would it be? NG: After a few shots I’ll arm wrestle any one, soufflés be damned. LMC: Have you ever met Chelsea Handler? (I think you two would be bff ’s from another dimension). NG: I haven’t met her. But it’s one of my missions. I freakin’ love Chelsea . LMC: What else would you like to confess to our Front Row Monthly readers? NG: I’d like to confess that if you ever see a homeless person in PJs that kinda looks like me at the airport. It’s actually me. Thank you for your time Nadia! I can’t wait to see what recipe and asskicking life advice you dish out this Thursday! Cheers!!!

 LMC: Seriously, when I saw you eat the candied sour cocks-comb on Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman I felt so bad for you, how terrible was that dish? And what was the worst dish you have ever tasted? m arch 2012

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HOME

Chateau

Front Row by Kati Smith

It’s one thing to have a good looking home. It’s another to have a good looking home that represents you and your tastes. Deborah Wescelman of Deborah Wescelman Designs has dedicated her design practice to transforming spaces into inviting, yet lively environments that reflect a homeowner’s needs and ways of life. Deborah uses her eclectic style to channel her client’s personalities and create a space that is truly unique to the user. She explains that it’s all about using your imagination. “The key to bringing self expression into a space is to integrate personal taste, such as decorating your living room with a unique piece from your travels abroad, choosing tones that vibe with your sense of style, and mixing some of your favorite patterns or fabrics. You can also inject some of your favorite time periods into the space for example, by hanging a piece of modern art, and surrounding it with a Romanesque frame, or refurbishing a classic chair with shiny paint and adding fur pillows and a metallic lining and grommets. The most important thing is to have fun with the space; don’t be afraid to make it your own and bring in bold elements that draw your attention.” Take a look at these stunning spaces, all functional and stylish, all unique to the lucky people that get to call them home. For more information, please visit: dwdinc.com.

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WHIMSY @

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@HOME but a refreshing take on the world, choosing creative

and unique ways to live there lives. It may be a blog to some, but to others, they are great examples of how life can be whatever you make of it. How you get to mold this time you have into whatever you want, learning and With the resurgence of 1970’s style, comes with it

crafting the best experience using snippets of knowledge

experimental pattern mixing and quirky decor! Also,

and style from every decade. Whether that be taking a

an army of fashion and lifestyle bloggers that exemplify

communal-aspect to raising children, sharing how to live

running a home, crafting, vintage styling and utter

with intent or exploring the united states with your best

cuteness!

Winnebago pal.

Front Row is swooning for a few in particular, the great

If nothing else, these girls are an inspiration to exploring

Bleu Bird Vintage, Delightfully Tacky and Time Enough for

creative ways to experience your life!

Drums. These girls not only incorporate vintage pieces,

So get out there and paint your perfect portrait!

art director & writer elisa llera photographer kristin martz baker kati smith featured lagelle etsy shop

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apron lagelle $18.50

RECREATE

* @ h.o.m.e bowl lagelle $10.99

50's style, “ Channel add 70's color, and bake away!!! �

in your kitchen 28

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in your closet

dress modcloth $59.99

“

Mesh a 70's inspired color scheme & modern day flirty style!!

necklace topshop $14.00

platforms ruche $64.99

�

purse asos $71.62

in your living room lamp target $33.59 candle holders etsy $19.99 candles ikea $2.99 m arch 2012

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Trend Watch

New Zealand by Rahat Chaudry

So I’ve been in New Zealand for about seven months now... not nearly enough time to call me a kiwi, but definitely enough to begin to understand them a bit. With that in mind, I’ve decided to dedicate this months’ edition to what I’ve learned so far about my new home, and particularly the people that inhabit it.

My husband’s favorite sweatshirt (pardon the dog hairs. Do you sense a theme here?!):

#1.Kiwi’s love all things, well, “kiwi”. Never in a million years would you see someone in the US walking around in a “USA” T-shirt, or with a wood-carved bald eagle decoration piece in their home (well, maybe you would, but there’s a name for them….)

Tea towels given by my mother in law:

But here, New Zealand merchandise and paraphernalia is EVERYWHERE. Nowhere else in the world (and I’ve done a lot of travelling) have I seen people embrace their country’s icons so openly. Kiwis love all symbols that represent their country - whether it’s the flag, the map, or, most importantly, their national bird. Let me introduce you to some things I’ve seen: My husband’s favorite T-shirt (pardon the wrinkles. I’m not the greatest homemaker): Gifts we were given by my husband’s family when they came to the US for our wedding (yep, my sister in law actually had to kiss it. Punishment for kiwi slander.)

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#2. Kiwis love all things made in New Zealand. That’s everything from food, honey, furniture, but especially clothes and especially outdoor gear/wear and especially Icebreaker. Proudly made with New Zealand wool (another thing kiwis love), (Everyone, meet Shrek)

#3. Last, but definitely not least, Kiwis love Kombies. Don’t feel bad if you don’t know what this is…maybe if I say “hippie van” instead that will ring a bell. Kombies completely exemplify what kiwis are all about – freedom, simplicity, nature. You know how typically a “just married” car is something super fancy or fancy vintage? Not here. It’s these babies. Let me introduce you to my husband’s car. Wait, I’m going to rephrase that. Let me introduce you to my husband’s baby:

Icebreaker is one of the most expensive, but coolest outdoor wear brands I’ve ever seen. I mean, this stuff actually makes you look good when camping and hiking. And it feels good. Even their everyday wear is amazing. You can even trace your clothes back to the farm that the wool came from. Pretty awesome, huh? Just ask my husband – it’s just about all that he wears. Well, along with Thunderpants, which we’ve already discussed, and Workshop, to be discussed another day. If it’s any sign, they just opened a store in Soho. - icebreaker.com

We took it out a couple of weeks ago to go (sleep) at the beach. We stopped for gas along the way and a man comes over to us and says quite somberly as if he has some deep-down regret, “don’t ever sell that thing”. And upon arriving at the beach we were immediately bombarded. These aren’t just vans though, they are equipped. Beds, cookers, tables, cabinets my, oh my. These things are awesome. Even my dog likes driving it.

Best of all though, it doesn’t get more kiwi than this:

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the NEXT BIG THING

RADAR

FRONT ROW

In the Studio with Elan Morrison

by Cortny Booth

Elan Morrison is a multiplatinum music producer who has worked with some of music’s hottest names like Toni Braxton, Brandy, Ray J and Sean “P. Diddy” Combs. After gaining nationwide attention as a DJ in his early teens, Elan’s career has blown up. Now, he lives a fast-paced life, constantly traveling between New York, LA, and South Florida and is the force behind a good bit of the amazing music you hear. As a classically trained pianist, he’s able to bring a fresh approach to his music. Elan is currently living in Hollywood, California and works alongside Jared Lee Gosselin at UMRK Studio. Together, they’re working on major projects with artists like Bobby Brown, Macy Gray, Something Underground and India Arie. Recently, we were able to get Elan to take a break from his busy career to answer a few questions for us. FRM: How long has music been in your life? Elan Morrison: For as long as I can remember. My father is an accomplished musician and I used to listen to him play piano and guitar for hours. I learned a lot from just listening to him play. FRM: You are a DJ, correct? Do you still spin? EM: I took DJ’ing as far as I could and it was never really enough. The next step was refining this urge to produce & write songs. Basically, it helped me refine my own ear as far as making music goes. For me, high quality sound & production are very important in order to translate emotion to your audience. I do not spin anymore. It’s a lost art out here. FRM: After an album is finished, do you get nervous before it is released to the public? EM: No, I get excited because so much time goes into making it. All you want to know is how it’s received. FRM: New York, Miami, L.A.,--you get around! Has living in different cities changed your perspective on music, personal views or personal relationships? EM: Yes, yes and yes. I love culture and the different things about every city. Learning about different cultures is what keeps me moving around. FRM: When you hear a catchy beat that was produced by someone else do you find yourself wanting to collab with them? EM: You want to collab with them because it can add to your sound and create something amazing so yeah, I think if you find someone who has a special talent, you definitely want to collaborate. Adding a special piece of someone else to yourself can create something new. I’ve done a ton of collaborating, which I love. FRM: Where do you draw inspiration from? EM: Life, culture, people. Anything that affects me (the world or people).....affects my music in a certain way. FRM: Creative expression is a beautiful thing. How much of that is seen your music? Do artists object to any suggestions you may have?

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swan day Support Women Artists Now Day is an international holiday founded in 2008 by Martha Richards and Jan Lisa Huttner with the hopes of working towards empowerment, opportunity and visibility for women artists. Since that date, there has been tremendous growth, and SWAN Day events are now held all over the world. In Miami, SWAN Day was initiated by seven Latina artists who saw a lack of opportunity for artists in South Florida. In Nairobi, Kenya, Sophie Dowllar has organized four SWAN Day festivals to accommodate the rising number of female artists in East Africa. In Hartford, CT, SWAN Day is a celebration of women-led rock bands. In many cities across the globe, female artists are coming together to plan all kinds of festivals for the purpose of networking and celebrating.

EM: Yes, definitely. Every time a producer and artist work together there is a certain amount of influence that comes from both [people] and I think the relationship between us sets off the amount of creative expression you hear in the music. That alone determines how much original creative expression you hear in the music and how free and genuine it will sound. FRM: If you could work with any artist, dead or alive, who would it be and why? EM: Well, man, there is almost a book full! Give me a second...James Brown, Louis Armstrong, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Danger Mouse, Jimi Hendrix, Bill Withers, Bob Marley, or Rachmaninoff because there is no telling what you can do with the best names in music. FRM: Describe a normal day in the studio. EM: No such thing! FRM: Fair enough! Has working with accomplished artists influenced the way you produce music? EM: Yes, definitely. I’ve learned so many techniques and tricks that you could not learn in school from the artists and producers I have worked with. FRM: This is a tough industry to make a name for yourself in. Was it difficult to prove yourself? EM: Yeah, I mean, I’m not done proving myself. I think every project that I do is proof that I can do better.

We caught up with No Name Players’ Tressa Glover, Pittsburgh, PA’s SWAN Day founder to find out a little more about the process. Pittsburgh is on its fourth festival and 2011’s involved more than 60 performers, poets, artists and designers. “I was inspired by a conversation I overheard between two women while walking down the street in Chicago,” says Glover. “I was struck by how many times I had heard this conversation in different cities, by different women...and I thought about how we are all more alike than we are different, how I wish we all had more time to share our stories. So last year, we gathered together groups of women of all ages and from all backgrounds from Pittsburgh. They talked about whatever was on their minds...like a good ol’ fashioned girls’ night. We filmed these get-togethers and provided the footage to all of our participating artists. The artists then created world premiere works using that footage as inspiration. This year, we took it one step further and “interviewed” women across Pennsylvania, not just here in Pittsburgh. We gathered together small groups of women and also spoke with some women individually. (We had the support of The PA Conference for Women which took place in Philly and we interviewed women there too). Again, we gave this footage to our artists to create world premiere works.” This year is particularly special to Glover because the co-founder of SWAN Day, Martha Richards, recently informed the group that SWAN Day Pittsburgh and No Name Players had been named an official international SWAN Day Partner. In fact, Richards is so impressed with what Pittsburgh is doing that she will be in attendance on opening night! SWAN Day is truly one of the coolest holidays on our calendar. An excuse to get dressed up and support the work of a bunch of fiercely talented ladies? Sold! See you there. For a list of SWAN Day events happening around the country, check out womenarts.org

FRM: Looking back, did you think you would ever get to this point? EM: Umm, yeah. I’ve been so determined since I was young and in fact I would like to be further than I am at the moment. FRM: What is your favorite instrument? EM: Piano. FRM: Finally, what’s next? EM: Bobby Brown’s new album, working with Macy Gray, DMC and Diamond Baby (Matt Sorum’s band) and many more that I can’t discuss, but stay tuned. m arch 2012

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the NEXT BIG THING

Neon hits miami! by Marie Colom

to do in my bikinis. This girl is the center of attention and always down for something new and different, always exploring. She’s the girl that never wants to grow up. FRM: You say your inspiration comes from music sometimes- how do you relate music to fashion?

I

t’s Spring here in Miami- which is just the formal way of saying we’re officially back to swimsuit season- and boy, have we hit our mark! Neon mark, that is. Amanda Dukehart, the fearless designer behind Mandalynn, talks to us about her Spring 2012 collection, a mix between playful, sexy and laid-back designs- not to mention full of color! Unfortunately I haven’t had the chance to try one on (it’s on my to-do list), but after a couple of years on the beach you can recognize a good swimsuit when you see it. I only have one thing to say- this girl right here could rock the runway at the Mercedes Benz Swim Fashion Week. FRM: What kind of girl do you picture when designing your swim collections? What’s her personality like? AD: She’s young at heart, fearless and outgoing. The “Mandalynn” girl doesn’tnecessarily have the perfect body, but she’s completely confident and comfortable in her own skin. She is not afraid to show a little “cheek” which isn’t hard

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AD: I could go on and on here. Fashion and music go handin-hand. How you dress depends on your mood and your mood is always altered by the music you are listening to. A great deal of my inspiration comes from the late 60s to early 70s. There is a reason people are still so obsessed with the fashion in these decades. People dressed with a sense of freedom which went seamlessly with the music of the time. There was just something so magical about that period when people would live and breathe the music they heard. I would give anything to go back and attend Woodstock- dressed in flowers, paint, and bell bottoms! I think my generation right now is great because we get to integrate all the different fashion trends from the past into the trends of today. We take neon colors and high tops from the 80s and plaid grunge from the 90s. My inspiration for my swimwear is the same way. I take a little from each decade. However, it all goes back to music and how you want to feel when your wearing something. There is a reason that when people go to music festivals they dress a little more hippie or extravagant than they normally would, because it connects them to the music. Music will always be one of my biggest inspirations. When I am designing a collection I imagine the music these girls are listening to and the atmosphere they are surrounded by.

FRM: We’re seeing a good hit with your Spring 2012 collection here in Miami; are there any words you’d like to use in order to describe this collection? AD: It’s a little surfer girl and a little femme fatale. It’s a very youthful and playful collection. FRM: Miami’s definitely a good city to introduce a swim line with neon colors. What have you learned from the city itself and how does it influence your designs? AD: Yes, when you think of Miami you think of neon. I lived on South Beach for 4 years and there are bright lights everywhere. Miami is full of color. However, I think the beach life in Miami is what inspired me the most. The people that live in Miami have this very “live in the moment and always enjoy yourself ” mentality. Girls lay around topless tanning and their bikinis are anything but conservative. I love that. So it’s really not about the colors or prints or fashion trends in Miami, it’s the lifestyle of leisure that inspires me. Waking up in the morning and walking to the beach can’t be beat. FRM: Where can we find your swimsuits? AD: Currently you can find my swimsuits at ISA Boutique in Miami, Ginger & Koi in Hawaii, and online retailers such as Threadsence.com and Nastygal.com Marie Colom is Front Row Monthly’s Miami Correspondent. Her life is probably cooler than yours.

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the NEXT BIG THING

the park view

by Charissa Livingston

“Hardcore/Grindcore/Metalcore/Screamocore/Jazzcore/Classicalcore. Our mission is to get to the CORE of music, and exploit it for the entire world to indulge in.” –The Park View Newly launching to iTunes this past November, Shaun Novak, Cody Andrews, Tommy Hopton, Richie Brioli, and Maxx Thomas are on our radar. Front Row Monthly had the privilege of meeting and gawking over The Park View gents after a show at the Hard Rock Café, where they opened for popular band The Parlor Mob. The rest is history! We fell in love and wanted to share their talent and unique style of music with our readers! The youthful sounds of The Park View are a complete blend of pop-punk mixed with alternative style riffs, with an occasional hiphop beat. They are known for perfecting the concept of mashing infectious, hook-filled lyrics with unforgettable guitar riffs. The sound comes from the motley collection of band members with diverse backgrounds ranging from heavy metal to the easy styling of artists

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like John Mayer, Dashboard Confessional, and Fall Out Boy. The band says that they continuously flirt with different ways to draw from different musical ideas and concepts to make each song sound fresh. This very factor is what makes the band even more talented. So, how did they all come about? In March of 2011, a mutual friend of Thomas Hopton and Shaun Novak, Maxx Thomas, began to write new material for the band. The chemistry between the three was instant. While the writing process was going well and the songs were coming out with the sound they preferred, the band knew they were missing a link to finalize what they wanted to achieve. Thereafter, Cody Andrews came in to play the bass on a few tracks in their independent studio. With the final puzzle piece in place, the band knew they could start their revolution on the music scene.

With witty song titles such as “This Song Is Missing A Hook, Captain” and “Southbend Shovel Slayer”, the band catches immediate attention. The group also dedicates an immense amount of time to their craft and it shows. Their charismatic attitudes shine on stage during lives sets. During each song, you will undoubtedly find yourself singing along with the chorus lines, even if you don’t know the words! So, where are they going? Well after debuting on iTunes for the very first time, The Park View anticipates a larger audience throughout their travels and shows. They plan to expand their music throughout the U.S., and who knows maybe one day Europe! To find out more about The Park View visit: facebook.com/theparkview myspace.com/theparkview youtube.com/theparkview.

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Blogger BLOG WATCHER

The Blogging Boutique by Nicole Myers

Inspiration can be found in so many ways. Whether a book, a picture, a lyric or an inherent object, we take a mental note, write it down or even photograph it to keep it close in memory. In most repeated ways of doing things, a process is created. But the creative process is different; the structure changes, the way you get there changes and it’s usually never the same. Sometimes it’s as simple as seeing something and using the feeling that results to create something else. Knowing that others see the beauty in the same things you do is quite comforting. It’s why blogs and tumblers exist and why the community has become so tight knit. They provide a way to share those once mental notes with the rest of world and for the world to comment back. It’s become quite common for independent boutique owners to blog for SEO and inbound marketing purposes but also, it gives the customer actual content, not just listed items and pricing. Customers will often peruse blogs for visuals instead of actually making purchases. The blog roll provides a personality to the business; it’s a way to inspire others with what inspires you. When done well, a blog can single handedly change the direction and motivation behind a viewer’s day with a simple click. It happens to me daily. Take a look at some of my favorite under the radar fashion related stops and besiege yourself with style and inspiration simultaneously!

beauandaero.com

Beau and Aero is the brainchild of bohemian beauties, Baelyn Elspeth and Jessica Seaon. The duo meticulously handpick their vintage and local artisan pieces, which in turn produce a “Native Prep” vibe that’s irresistible. The up and coming launch of their online boutique has triggered the closing of their current free standing store in preparations for its success but their blog features everything from rare vintage finds to fashion photography. Fun fact: Baelyn is the sigfig of Incubus front man, Brandon Boyd.

shopspanishmoss.com

Vincent and Suzanne Carfano decided to sell off an old guitar amp to purchase inventory for their current endeavor, Spanish Moss. These free radicals give us the option to shop new or to shop vintage, while they travel around the United States in pursuit of antique treasures on the open road. Their blog is full of their findings as well as antique and current street style photos. All images are posted for inspiration. Visit and I promise that an elevating vision will ensue.

madebygypsy.com

Hawaii based lingerie label Gypsy has us grabbing our tambourines and channeling our inner Stevie Nicks. Designer Kate Ruggier left her nest in New York for the sandy beaches of Oahu where Gypsy now calls home. This romantic line of hand made lingerie and swim pieces encompasses the free spirited lifestyle of the designer and her blog is full of photography that sticks to this theme. Expect vintage jewelry, barefoot dancing and floral designs.

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FASHION

DIFFUSION LINES Different but Equal? by Marysa Gorski

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t seems as though everyone in the fashion industry is doing it. In fact, Matthew Williamson recently announced that H & M will carry his new “Muse” line. It’s even happening online. EBay has announced its collaboration with designer Derek Lam. Soon, Lam will be selling his fashions through the online auction house. Fashion houses and retailers like Target are hoping that the next time you head to their store to stock up on toilet paper, you might be interested in picking up some jeans from William Rast. They are called diffusion lines–but for fashion, the real impact is on the bottom line. When the recession hit the country in 2008 and 2009, fashion designers feared that the industry would take a huge hit. They worried that as the stock market crashed, so would the fashion budgets of some of their leading clients, not to mention the consumer. What they feared did not happen. The luxury fashion market has rebounded, but what saved the industries bottom line was the ability to tap new revenue streams like the diffusion market. These newly introduced lines enabled the industry to produce what they say are high-end products priced for the general public. Enter Jason Wu for Target. Wu is noted for the inaugural gown he designed for First Lady, Michelle Obama. Wu launched his diffusion line at Target in February. Insiders said the Wu collection would tantalize shoppers because the pieces would be chic and polished. Target was counting on the line to ‘Wu’ customers back into the store. However, they are mindful of the fact that their last big diffusion line launch was more of a bust. The introduction of the Missoni line caused such a frenzy that websites crashed, orders were cancelled and customers were angry. “I really love Jason Wu’s designs, but I am going to take a wait and see attitude with Target,” said Amanda McGranaghan, Pennsylvania State University student and fashion blogger. “I got burned when my Missoni online order was cancelled. I vowed never to return to Target again.” McGranaghan is a typical diffusion line shopper. These lines are aimed at a younger clientele, offering them the opportunity to purchase an item designed by a larger fashion house at a more moderate or lower price. The fashion houses view these lines as a way to introduce a consumer to their product, with the hope that as the consumer’s career and bank account grows, they will become long standing customers of the higher end product. “Of course I would like to wear a $600 pair of Jimmy Choo’s,” said McGranaghan. “But the reality is that I can’t afford to do that right now. It used to be that you could get his lower priced line at H&M. So I am willing to try them at a lower price.”

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Versace - H &M Despite the trendy look and styles that these diffusion products provide for the consumer, there is a marked difference in the quality of product from a designer label to a diffusion line. The look and feel of the materials are different and in some cases, the diffusion designs are much simpler and understated than the top line designs. However, many like the idea of being able to purchase and wear a label, even if it is of a lesser quality. “Most of the celebrities appearing on the Golden Globes this year were wearing Zac Posen,” said McGranaghan. “I loved some of those dresses, but I know right now that I would not be able to afford a high end Zac Posen. And that is why I am excited that Posen is launching a new line for Lord &Taylor that will be priced under $200. At that price, I am buying.” That is exactly what the designers are hoping will happen. A win-win for everyone? Maybe. But some discerning shoppers would still rather pay an arm and a leg for one high quality piece that will last a lifetime. And others have gone so far as to accuse top designers of “slumming it.” Is it a sell out or capitalism at its best? I guess it depends on how thick your wallet is.

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Jason-Wu - Target

Front Row Monthly is currently seeking a few creative forwardthinking individuals for the following positions. - writers - graphic design interns - independent sales reps

Serious inquiries may apply to info@frontrowmonthly.com

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POINT of VIEW

River Water Running Toxic?

Why YOU Should Care The Essence of a City

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ater. It is the essence of life. The human body is composed of and sustained by it. Plant and animal life depends on it. Commerce and transportation occur on it. Tourism revels in it. And without exception, the identity of a city is linked inextricably to it. Pittsburgh’s Three Rivers, the Monongahela, the Allegheny, and the Ohio, represent a mixture of a sordid industrial past and the promise of a clean, bright future. Prior to the 1972 Clean Water Act, decades of industrial waste and untreated raw sewage flowed freely into these waters. Water temperatures at times could reach a frightening 130 degrees. According to pittsburghgreenstory.com, even steamships could not tolerate the river water because the acidity in the water would corrode the metal parts of the ship. The metal parts. Sound refreshing? Yet before we bask in collective modern glory and acquire sore arms from patting one another on the back, consider this: a few folks in some canoes and kayaks gathered 73 large garbage bags full of debris. This group, Paddle Without Pollution, is devoted to using non-motorized boats and volunteers to reach, as they indicate on their website, “ecologically sensitive and shallow areas” that land-based clean-up crews cannot reach. About 36 people filled 73 large trash bags in a single day while floating on canoes and kayaks. We may not be as far removed from 130 degree water as we thought. Paddle Without Pollution came to the mind of a guy who simply loves being in, on, or around the water. David Rohm, along with his wife Melissa, began the effort out of a desire to make a contribution. “I was searching for a while for some other type of full time contribution I could make to our planet.” And contribute he did. Inspired by the books he read and some life advice he had received, David was on a search for how to join his passion with his mission. And it came to him one day while paddling on the river. He described it as an “out of body experience.” Mission and passion joined with frustration. David noted, “We have devastated wildlife populations with our trash, ruined our outrageously

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by David Waselkow

expensive beach front properties, and spoiled some of the most pristine places that have ever existed all because someone could not put a damn Styrofoam container in the garbage.” And he is right about wildlife, property, and pristine places. In his home base of Pittsburgh, PA, Pittsburgh’s Three rivers are essentially a mixture of more than a dozen creeks and river systems covering approximately 30,000 miles of rivers and streams extending as far North as New York and as far South as West Virginia. And although you can no longer cook pasta in these iconic rivers, new housing developments, roads, and the biggest threat to the environment- people- continue to plague the essence of a great city. Paddle Without Pollution is not evidence of the tyranny of environmentalists. It is not using the time-honored tradition of scare tactics warning of apocalyptic glacier melts and holes in atmospheric layers. Instead, it is a small group of volunteers using arms and oars to pull all the crap out of, off of, and from around the Three Rivers. And that crap is not the evidence of industrial revolution evil. It is the soda can or bottle you were too lazy to put in the bin. It is the paper bag holding all the wrappers from your latest fast food binge that just so happened to “fall” out of the car when you closed the door. It’s the candy or gum wrapper you tossed while strolling along a bank impressing people with your knowledge of environmental science and disdain for the alarmist green planet people that in your view should tone it down a notch. The Three Rivers were rescued once, more than three decades ago. Things can float on it without corroding. Species of fish have now returned to the area. For some reason they are happier swimming in something other than untreated sewer water. Even the Mayflies are back, and according to some of these environmental experts, that is a good sign that the water iswell, is not- toxic. What is toxic now is us. Whether it’s arrogance, apathy, lack of knowledge, lack of care, stupidity, or all of the above, we should stop what we have been doing and follow the lead of Paddle Without Pollution. Or maybe one day out of the year get yourself in a canoe or kayak. In addition to participating in the stewardship and receiving the education that Paddle Without Pollution provides, you may just find the Big Mac container you once tossed. Then pat yourself on the back. Paddle Without Pollution is in the process of organizing their 2012 “Bridges Over Troubled Waters” campaign. There will be a Fall clean-up day and a Spring clean-up day as well as other clean-up days along the Three Rivers. They are also running an “Adopt a River” program. These are not eco-terrorists. They are not fanatics. They are not opposed to progress, capitalism, development, growth, or human beings. They are simply cleaning up all of your crap so that people can enjoy being on or in the majestic waters of an iconic city without tossing their cookies in disgust. So grab an oar. Or grab your checkbook and go to their website. Better yet, make the extra effort to find a damn garbage can or recycling bin. Then, perhaps, thirty years from now, we really can pat ourselves on the back and marvel at how smart we all got. For more information or to get involved,visit paddlewithoutpollution.com

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FOOD

FRM

DISH by Shannon Parrish

That’s right. Kahlua. Mmmm And you thought pudding was already pretty damn good. This dessert is inspired to showcase the essence of a true Mexican coffee. The flavors of this pudding are complex and are perfect for steadfast coffee lovers. Steeping the cocoa nibs in milk adds a unique element of chocolate that creates an unexpected balance to the pudding.

Mexican Mocha Pudding

with Kahlua whipped cream

Yield: 6-8 servings 2 cups

whole milk

1¼ cup

chilled heavy whipping cream, divided

¼ cup + 2 Tbsp cocoa nibs (can be found

at most specialty stores)

2½ Tbsp

Kahlua or other coffee-

flavored liqueur, divided

½ cup (packed) golden brown sugar 3 Tbsp

cornstarch

3 Tbsp

instant espresso powder

½ tsp

ground cinnamon

Making the pudding

In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa powder and baking powder and set aside. In the large bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat together the butter, oil

and sugar at medium speed until the mixture is light and fluffy. Add the eggs, vanilla and salt and mix until well incorporated. Adjust the mixer speed to low and add the flour mixture until just combined. Divide the dough in half and place each portion between 2 sheets of wax paper. Roll dough to an 1/8” thickness and refrigerate on a baking sheet for at least one hour and up to 24 hours (still between wax paper), until chilled and firm, but not too hard. Let dough warm up slightly before cutting. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Working with one portion of dough at a time, remove the wax paper from both sides of the dough and place on a lightly floured surface. Using a 2” fluted round cutter (or any cutter of your choice) cut the dough and place rounds on the prepared baking sheet. You can re-roll any leftover scraps, but chill again before cutting. Chill all of the cut cookies until firm again before baking. Bake for 15-18 minutes or until set. Let cool on baking sheet for about 5 minutes and transfer to a cooling rack to cool completely.

Making the whipped cream:

Combine the remaining ¼ cup of chilled heavy whipped cream and 1 Tbsp of Kahlua in a mixing bowl and beat until peaks form. Spoon onto puddings and serve!

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Color can be powerful, effecting mood and emotion. Color can soothe and inspire. This spring welcomes tones both vivid and bright. What better way to standout in the awakening of this warm weather season than by being bold underneath it all?   FRM teamed up with Aerie to show you how to shine in not so bright places. aerie.com

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Model

Lindsay Coffey MUA/Hair

Travis Klinger Photographer

Edwin Shaw Assistant

Nicole Mueller Stylist

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Leather! unaburke Interview by: Leigh Morrow Calhoun


A

single word screams in the mind when one hears the designer name Úna Burke: LEATHER! This textile is the living breathing essence of who Úna is as an artist, provocateur, and woman. Yes! A female designer who pushes the psyche by torquing, twisting, and slicing Italian (and sometimes British) leather into sumptuous pieces connected with Italian brass that leaves one asking, ‘How does she do that?’ Within a few short years, Úna commands attention to her conceptual designs deeply rooted in the controversy of contradiction and female form. Strong leading women like Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Madonna, and Christina Aguilera all wear Úna’s seductively edgy pieces! In fact, Lady Gaga chose eight pieces from Una’s collection to wear on her ground-breaking Monster’s Ball Tour. On top of that, Úna has already achieved the “Irish Fashion Designer of the Year 2011, Fashion Innovation Award” and “Breakthrough Designer Nominee, WGSN Global Fashion Award 2011.” Her next show will be this month from March 2nd to the 5th at the PARIS FASHION WEEK EXHIBITION Premiere Classe, Stand Number B104! Úna has a profound respect for heritage; her own and of leather’s. One would assume Úna’s background to be flashy, fast-paced, and extremely intense. On the contrary, Úna contributes her inspirations to her Irish upbringing; she was raised in the eternal verdant countryside of North County Roscommon, in western Ireland. Parallels of loving and working leather is linked to Úna’s ‘Father’s Father’, (as she phrased it), who was the town’s cobbler. Also, her mother hand sewed all of Úna’s clothes while growing up, thus passing on the tradition of creating garments for the female form. This is where she would meticulously daydream and manifest images of models on the catwalk wearing designs that had not yet been created. Úna’s mind still has the freedom to create without the over-saturated, flashy impact of social media. Therefore, she has broken barriers and refers to herself as ‘extremely skeptical, which is a perk,’ in order to make a greater impact in the design world through making people question behavior. Ladies and Gents, here are Úna’s own words describing leather and her latest ‘Bastet’ collection: LMC: Why leather as a medium? Úna: I have a great respect for the material. Leather is instinctive and heritage based; the strength and its strong nature along with it lasting through time. It’s been used for thousands of years to clothe, shield, and protect. I don’t like disposable society; therefore leather is what I prefer to work with. It is a combination of con-


cept and visual which makes it less superficial or pop and drives a level of appreciation and respect. LMC: Why do you feel compelled to create pieces ‘to protect?’ Úna: Protection/Hardness is who I am. It’s just my style: intrigue with irony, the combination of soft and hard. The “Retreat Collection” was protective and quite scary, yet beautiful at the same time. I like to see two sides in all things. I am hardened by life experiences to protect myself from the future. Guarded and skeptical yet intrigued by human behaviors. This makes work more honest and true, therefore people can relate to it. LMC: You latest collection: ‘Bastet’ is named after the Egyptian Goddess Bastet. Why were you inspired by her? Úna: I was researching the process of religion and certain beliefs: It’s interesting that humans have always had a belief in one way or another to live and die by. I questioned why we need to have a belief? And how did the Egyptians help the body go into the next life, especially the heart? I was inspired by the Goddess Bastet to create a vessel for the body. For example: you can see the relation in the heart handbag I created because it’s based off of the human heart, not the heart you see in everyday society. LMC: Do you see yourself more as an artist or designer? I can definitely see your pieces standing alone in a Fine Art setting at a gallery. Úna: (she chuckles and sighs) I could have gone either way: fashion, art, or craft…but I love working with leather, the body, and making people feel good about themselves. We graciously thank you, Úna, for giving FRM an exclusive look at your collection and taking time out of your hectic schedule for your intuitive interview! We look forward to the 5 new pieces you’ve created for ‘Joyce Boutique’ in Hong Kong, as part of their ‘New Generation Cultivation’ project. This is original. This is genius. To reach Leigh Morrow Calhoun please send an email to leighc@frontrowmonthly.com.


Photography Andreas Waldschuetz Art Director Adia Trischler Styling Adia Trischler, Lauren Cooke Make Up Stefanie Lamm Hair Patrick Glatthaar 1st Photo Assistant Marlena Koenig Styling Assistant Verena Weiss Digital Imaging Christian Freidrich Model Justine @ Fresh Model Mgmt Shoes Fflur Cadwaladr Owen Leather sponsorship Metropolitan Leathers, Northampton metropolitanleather.com


POINT of VIEW

Short shorts or muscle shirt? When gym clothes don’t leave enough to the imagination. by Sarah Ewalt

I

’ve been going to the same gym for 10-and-a-half years. During this time, I’ve been rather consistent with my attire — black workout pants that hit around the knee, random t-shirt or tank top, a few actual sport apparel tops, and a worn-in baseball cap. I used to wear shorts when I was only doing cardio, but then two, 20-something year old girls reminded me of the benefit of dressing to exercise versus dressing to flash your cootch in the gym. Now perhaps this was all part of their plan to capture a man by showing their crotches to the other members by doing sit ups on an exercise ball where all the mirrors are — after all, they both had wonderfully flat-ironed hair, styled down, flowing like a field of hay in the summer... Ok, I’ll admit, girls who exercise with their long hair down is a pet peeve of mine, for I feel they’re more concerned about exercise-appearance than exercise, and if you’re really working out, you don’t want hair stuck to your sweaty neck. I would have thought that everyone learned from Brittany Spears “accidental” crotch flashes (1.8M results on Google) and found new foresight in preventing unwanted visual visitors to their netherregions, but apparently this isn’t so. And this just isn’t for the ladies — there are men at my gym who are guilty of this too. Ew.

Men’s square-cut tank top: Remember that photo that circulated the internet about “redneck tank top” showing a picture of men’s underwear with a hole cut in the crotch, flipped upside-down and worn as a shirt? Yup. Looks like that. Same outfit everyday: While economic times are tough, I assume we all have one extra t-shirt that we can wear to the gym. But if you choose to wear the same clothes every single day, go for something neutral, not, oh say, a bright orange over-sized tank top and red shorts. I don’t know if this man smells or not, because we never workout in the same area, but I can’t imagine he does laundry every day. Or maybe he bought orange tanks and red shorts in bulk? I guess it’s possible. Clothes with holes: Ok, I may have worn sweatpants that had two or three holes along the butt seam once, but it was an accident! I needed to do laundry and just grabbed them without looking (previously only wearing them in the house). If your shirt is falling apart, people may wonder if you just have a membership to use the shower and are living in your car. All of these wonderful fashion trends (and more) I have witnessed on multiple occasions at the gym, in actual real-life.

So not to just criticize but to possibly aid, I’ve come up with a few guidelines for proper gym attire. Shorts: Should have an inseam minimum of 6”. If you don’t know what that means, and your current shorts ride up into your crotch and vanish when you sit down, then they are too short. Spandex: If you are more than three pounds overweight, they probably don’t look good on you. But if you are wearing the crotchcreeping shorts, you could pair these with spandex and voila! hidden chunky butt and private parts. Lose-lose turned, well, ok-ok. Large underwear: While on the subject of spandex, if you wear them anyway, and are also wearing grannie-panties, you’ve double-failed. I recommend avoiding doing dead-lifts while sporting these, as we don’t need to see the crotch seams in your panties either. Velour pants. See spandex. I also feel velour jumpsuits should be illegal. Muscle shirts: If you are ridiculously large and ripped, then you are semi-excused from fashion rules because most t-shirts don’t fit you. However, the basic tank is classier, as no one really needs to see through your shirt to your happy trail, no matter how sexy you think it is.

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FASHION

Katie-Maree Cole A Sexy, Seaside, Summer Collection W

by Charissa Livingston

elcome back Katie-Maree! We featured the rising fashion designer in a previous issue and just couldn’t get enough of her feminine, romantic style. Front Row Monthly is all about checking out the latest talent from around the world. So we bring to you the exclusive first look at Katie- Maree Cole’s Spring/Summer 2012 collection, straight from New Zealand! It’s fun, flirty and speaks to an era when lazy afternoons were spent strolling the seaside, looking for love. At least that’s what we think of when we wear it. It just feels like vacation! And who doesn’t want to feel like that? FRM: Hi Katie, since we last saw you in Front Row Monthly’s Battle of the Brands, you have been quite busy! What’s on your agenda today? KM: I have been really busy especially since showing for the first time at New Zealand Fashion Week. At the moment I am designing my next collection and slowly getting samples finished for the next photo shoot. Fashion Week has really helped me in seeing the label on a bigger scale and deciding my strengths etc. I am excited about the next season as I feel like I have really learnt a lot in the last six months. FRM: Last time, we talked about your different taste in fashion. You put a theatrical spin on your designs, and for you it is all about dressing up, femininity, and imagination! Tell us a bit about your SS12 line. We are so excited! KM: ‘Summer 12 is influenced by the beautiful Marilyn Monroe and her character “Sugar” in the 1964 film ‘Some like it Hot’. The ukulele playing, small-town sexy siren longs to run away with a ‘millionaire with a yacht’ but she keeps falling for the cheating saxophone players. The collection is flirtatious, full of ruffles and sailboat imagery with a sexy edge encapsulating summer fun and romantic nights. FRM: So busy girl, you run a blog and your own fashion line, what are your hopes for the future!? KM: I would love to open up my own space soon where I can work on strengthening the identity of the brand. I would love a great space to showcase all the things I love-- fashion, music, books, art etc. FRM: How would you advise other industry beginners? We all know it’s tough starting out! KM: I think that you have to absolutely love what you are doing because there are so many highs and lows and I think passion and having good people around you that believe in you are essentials! Also having a well rounded knowledge of business and marketing as when you start your own business you have to do everything yourself! FRM: Please share with us a few of your favorite quotes and inspirational sayings. KM: ooh good question! I think in general I get more inspired by visuals and culture so instead can I leave you with some of my favorite people?? Directors Baz Luhrmann and Wes Anderson and their creative aesthetics, Actresses Diane Kruger, Marion Cottilard and we can’t forget Audrey Hepburn. The Artist Kandinsky’s beautiful shapes and colours. Too many musicians to mention! As you can see there is so much that inspires me. I love seeing other people being creative and doing what they love! And we are inspired by Katie-Maree Cole. The S/S 2012 Collection is called “she sells. sea shells.” Say that three times fast. And then place your order. katiemareecole.com

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MUXO C A by

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amila

lves

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You’ve seen her on the red carpet, looking stunning on the arm of her handsome hubby Matthew Mcconaughey. But Camila Alves has something else we are coveting- a fabulous and functional line of fashion forward handbags. If you fancy yourself a trend-setter, make MUXO your next must-have. Camila took a rare break to chat with us about the line. FRM:  First of all, as a busy mom with a career, whose handbag has to hold both sippy cups and a laptop, I am in love with this stylish but incredibly functional line. I read that you were inspired to create these bags because you were running into the same problem. True? CA: That definitely played a part in the creation of our line.  I couldn’t find a handbag that fit all of my needs.  I was traveling a lot for modeling assignments and needed a single bag for my laptop, clothing and cosmetics, and one that could stand up to all the hardcore treatment of air travel, hotels, and a routine that was anything but normal.  Every handbag I had would break or fall apart.  I wanted one that was stylish but not too trendy, practical but not bulky.  Women today have full lives with kids, work, and family. So after searching high and low I just set out to create my own perfect handbag. 

FRM: It’s all in the swagger! =) Any plans to add other accessories or clothing to the line? CA: We definitely have a lot of ideas— jewelry, shoes, etc…you’ll have to stay tuned to see what I do next! FRM: You have the most beautiful family! I know that when my daughter was just six months old, she seemed to already have very strong opinions about her clothing! Is Vida showing any fashionista tendencies?

FRM: You are one of the few designers who have been courageous enough to produce a line of bags for men. There has been such a stigma attached to “man purses.” (Who can forget that Seinfeld episode!?) Does Matthew carry anything from your line? CA: He has, yes.  We are a family so we always talk about each other’s projects and he’s always giving me great feedback on the line. FRM: Do you have a fave for every day?

CA: She is! Sometimes we work out of an office or garage, and Levi and Vida are right there with us.  It’s funny—I had one handbag that we were trying to decide on the stitching because I thought it was too light. Vida came in and spilled her bottle right on the stitching and made it dark.  But when my mom and I looked at it, we said, “Nope, that’s just the right color!”

CA: The Queen of the Sea bag (in brown, I carry it with me every day)! And the Malibu bag. 

FRM: I love it! Accidental genius! The bags are now available on QVC. Where else can we pick them up?

CA: Drinking lots of water!

CA: Yes, we have the QVC line available at QVC.com and the couture line is available at mymuxo.com  and several Nordstrom’s just started carrying that line as well!

FRM: Me too! Love the Malibu Gold for day AND night! You are often referred to as one of the sexiest women in the world. You balance so many things, yet your personal style seems to be so laid-back and effortless. It’s inspiring! Your number one tip for looking and feeling beautiful? So that’s the secret! If you need us we’ll be glued to the water cooler. Thanks Camila!

FRM: We love that this is a motherdaughter effort, and your mother is a designer, correct? Are you both fairly handson in the designing process? CA: My mother and I are very involved in the design process and we make it a priority to touch every single handbag. A lot of the handbags, we have a certain process that we created ourselves, and it’s not out in the market.  We mix a lot of different elements and artwork into the leather. As crazy as that sounds, there are certain finishing techniques, like artwork that we do on each handbag and it’s funny because we won’t teach or tell anyone else how to do it.  So we still work on the bags ourselves. FRM: Many designers have tried to do leather fringe, and with little success, yet it totally works with these handbags! It is a seamless addition, and acts almost like a “signature.” What do you love about it? It seems like quite a meticulous process.  CA: Fringe has been around forever and it’s never going to go out of style.  The beauty of the fringe and what we adapt the fringe into how women move, and how we have a certain flow or certain movement, and how we can have that in the handbag that we wear.  It’s all about how you do it!

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ART

behind the scenes of Batik Art:

Antonietta Fazio-Johnson by Charissa Livingston

Recently, I stumbled across the art of Antonietta Fazio-Johnson, a fiber artist who, it turns out, lives just moments away from me. As I admired her work, I began to wonder about the production of Fiber Art and found a process that is both painstaking and genius! Antoinette’s primary focus is Batik. She utilizes the ancient process of batik in a modern way and emphasizes a tricky combination of traditional and modern techniques to create her magnificent fiber artwork. Not having any knowledge on this area of art, I learned that the process of Batik typically requires a wax-resist dyeing technique; Antonietta creates layers and textures using this very process with molten wax and dye on fabric. Batik is normally found in Indonesia, China, Japan, India, and Egypt, but Antonietta is bringing the style to us. Ancient discoveries even show that Batik was used in the 4th century B.C. to wrap mummies! Her work combines fine art themes with a traditional, ancient hand craft. She states in a recent press release that, “Batik can be mesmerizing, calming, and a sometimes frustrating process. I’ve learned to embrace and anticipate the unexpected turns the dyes and wax tend to take as part of the process. For me the process is a perfect combination of control and spontaneity. As an artist, I’ve learned that you need to let the medium communicate with you. Batik has taught me the importance of process, patience, acceptance, and chance.” For the artist, creating Batik is a complicated and multi-step process requiring extensive planning. There is absolutely no erasing in batik, every color and drip of wax affects the piece. The application of dyes and wax must be planned carefully, and the temperature of the water, the concentration of the dye, the chemical composition of the dye mixture, the temperature of the molten wax, and the ratio of the wax need to be perfected to achieve the desired results. Wow, I’m exhausted just typing that.

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The more colors a batik fabric has, the more times it has been through the process of waxing, dying, curing, and removing the wax. Antonietta describes her vibrant artwork as an anticipated mystery because you never know how it will turn out until you actually melt off the wax and the layers of color. Her symbolic work emphasizes diverse impressions and experiences; each and every piece is an astonishing journey behind all the patience and hard work. I absolutely love her mixture of emotions and use of color. And for my fellow fashionistas out there, Antonietta also has a fabulous display of hand-dyed habotai silk scarves, with the same amazing use of color emphasized in her pieces. When asked what she hopes to bring in the future Antonietta stated, “I would like to continue on my journey of creating art and being a creative individual. In terms of both art techniques and on a personal level as well, I am constantly growing and learning and seeing and experiencing new things. All of this influences the art I create and will create. I devote as much as my time possible to my art. Now if I just had a nice space that could be devoted as my studio space that would be great.”  Most recently, Antonietta exhibited and displayed her contemporary batik works July 2-July 31, 2011 displaying her new series (http://www.innerhueartstudio.com/batiks. html ) and 2 years of hard work. The exhibit was a great success and undoubetdly the first of many. To learn more about the exquisite work of Antonietta Fazio-Johnson, visit her website: www.innerhueartstudio.com. © 2011 Inner Hue Art Studio. All artwork is under the protection of copyright law. The artist holds exclusive rights over artwork and reproductions. Attempts to copy, reproduce, or create derivative works from any of the artwork is illegal. Please support the artist. Don’t be a thief.

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FASHION

MY FAVORITE THI N GS. . St. Patrick’s Day!!! by Leigh Morrow Calhoun

Don O’Neill for Theia - theiacouture.com

Paul Costelloe - paulcostelloe.com

WOOHOO!!! Saint Patty’s Day is on a Saturday this year! You know what this means right? You don’t have to be Irish, or even date Irish kin, to have a great time and enjoy some of the perks from the Isle of Verdancy! To get you in the mood, pour a pint of Guinness and turn up Drop Kick Murphy’s while browsing my favorite (lucky 7) Irish designers. Sláinte! Beannachtam na Feile Padraig!!! (Cheers! Happy St. Patrick’s Day!) peak and support your local artists!

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Heather Finn - heatherfinn.com

sphere one by Lucy Downes - sphereone.ie

Susannagh Grogan - susannaghgrogan.com

Una Burke - unaburke.com

Sophie Rieu Unicorn Design - unicorndesign.net

march 2012


MEN’S

E L B A N O I H S A F REAL Men by Nick Ceraso

I

t seems as though every Spring once the glamour of the New Year is done and over with, along with most people’s attempts at keeping up to date with their resolutions, the few of us that call the Front Row home emerge from our coats and scarves to find the world we left behind the previous Fall. By this I of course mean that the wintery ingredients get traded for tank tops, athletic shorts and in some cases; a less-than-desirable diet to prepare for bikini season. What, you think we don’t refer to Summer as “bikini season” too, ladies? But I digress. I’m getting ahead of myself. Come March, most of us simply find the urge to get in shape. Unfortunately, this means agreeing to a much too expensive membership to one of the 19 new locations your favorite gym has opened to “get your sweat on”. Don’t do this. Proposing it as generally as possible, take a moment before you pull out your wallet and think about what the means to the end is for a gym. Let’s start with the basics. I challenge you to find anyone that would agree with the statement “Being in the gym is much more fun than being outside.” Simply put, humans are built to be outside at least some of the time. It is hard

to do so, of course, but why not replace the time you block off to go to the gym with a couple hours on the slopes? Cold weather isn’t your thing? How about hitting the beach for an exciting lunch hour of surf and salt water? Getting your Andy Roddick on at the courts sound appealing, or hopping on a bicycle for what’s probably the first time since you called your mom’s house home? As my mother used to say, “Nothing worth having comes easy”, and this most definitely goes for getting in shape and feeling good. Fashionable real men know these things, but can still get caught up in the easy. As far as looking for a good workout and getting in shape goes, Fashionable Real Men endorses skipping the gyms in spite of the fact that they are sprouting up like “McMansions” of yester-decade, and substituting something actually fun in their place. I’m not saying that you will be the next Travis Rice, Kelly Slater or Shaun White, but you’ll be sure as hell to have some real fun on your way to seeing real results. Ok, so now that it’s been decided that taking the real approach to getting in shape is worth it (sorry guys but watching “The League” doesn’t count) the next step is how

Beach Saturdays Bowery Crewneck Sweatshirt, $98 – saturdaysnyc.com Saint James Unisex Striped Shirt, $70 – saintjamesboutique.com RVCA “Eastern Performance” Stretch Board Shorts, $50 – nordstrom.com Ray-Ban New Wayfarer Sunglasses, $145 – pacsun.com TOMS Shoes Classic Canvas in Navy, $44 – toms.com GEORGE GUEST Hillside Backpack in Gray, $265 – georgeguestusa.com Times Andros Watch, $150 – jcrew.com

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to look like you know what you’re doing even if you don’t. This is easy (see what I did there?) Show up like you came to play. Similar to wearing a three-piece to a job interview and wowing all you speak to while wearing it, dressing like you take what your doing seriously garners respect. Quick survey. Who do you respect more; Larry Fitzgerald or T.O.? If you answered the human flytrap himself, Larry Fitzgerald, consider yourself learned. If you did not, go back to the beginning of this article and try again. Dressing like you give a damn is contagious and will gain you respect from not only the people around you, but you’ll also see it from your mirror in the morning. On a path to getting into shape, feeling great and being healthier, isn’t that a pretty cool destination?

THE Accoutrement The Bag

If your the kind of guy that plays tennis or golf, you’ll find yourself in the company of always-in-style pieces in the locker room. An updated retro style bag will be right in its’ element here. When you hit the beach, it’s inevitable that you’ll get sand in places you didn’t know you could. And this definitely includes your bag. The modern closure on the George Guest Hillside Pack will help with this problem for use, and look great while doing so. Lastly, you carry more clothes for cold weather and need a bag that can handle the bulkier material; a solid color duffle will suit your needs perfectly.

The Sunglasses

You can never be wrong with Wayfarers. As of late, you can absolutely never be wrong with tortoise Wayfarers, especially at the beach where they were bred. When you hit the clubhouse, you need to show some refinement. If it works for Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt, they’ll work for you too. Remembering the fact that reflection is an issue on the hill, go for some Clubmaster’s. With a large lens and partial frame design, you’ll feel comfortable enough to leave them on the whole time your tearing it up.

The Watch

There’s only 3 things to remember when it comes to picking a watch for the beach, club or the slopes. Cloth strap for the beach, classic his king at the club, and rugged and simple rules the hill. Nick Ceraso is Front Row Monthly’s Director of Menswear and Owner of Scared Bunny Entertainment. facebook.com/SBEadmin

Country Club Brooks Brothers Cotton Oxford, $49.50 – brooksbrothers.com Fred Perry Navy Tapered Chino, $83 – seasonsclothing.co.uk Oliver Peoples Benedict Aviator Sunglasses, $450 – barneys.com Salvatore Ferragamo Canto Loafers, $495 – saksfifthavenue.com Paul Smith Classic Tan Belt, $108 – seasonsclothing.co.uk Tumi Pack-A-Way Duffel, $145 – tumi.com Rolex OysterQuartz Datejust (c. 1984), $3,950 – parkandbond.com

Slope style Scotch & Soda Jacket, $195 – conleys.de Jack Spade El Cap Open Rugby, $95 – jackspade.com The A&F Super Skinny Jean, $78 – abercrombie.com Ray-Ban Clubmaster Sunglasses $145 – ray-ban.com Red Wing 6” Moc Toe 8881 Boots, $215 – coggles.com Ralph Lauren Black Label Nylon Duffle $995 – bloomingdales.com Victorinox Swiss Army “Officers” Rubber Strap Watch, $425 – nordstrom.com

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The Sweet Science by Adam Hornyak and photos by Edwin Shaw

A small sign on the outside of the building barely speaks to passersby.  It is an anonymously devoid attempt at attracting attention, yet an indelible piece of history that has been a societal staple for nearly two decades.  “There is supposed to be a gym here”, I thought.  “Is this the right address?”  Despite the vagueness of what was on the other side of the door, I tentatively entered the nondescript building that inhabits the streets of a tiny steel town that has seen better days.   Each flight of stairs provided a louder, more distinct sound of bodies taking hits as I hiked my way toward the emanating noise of slapping jump ropes, encountering what appeared to be the layout of a movie set.  With a vision of taking troubled kids off of the streets of Ambridge, PA, trainer Tom Yankello took control of World Class Boxing Gym in 1995.  Rusted, outdated weight machines, a maze of punching bags, and walls lined floor to ceiling with boxing posters forced my mind to jettison toward images from the film Rocky as I optimistically

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awaited Burgess Meredith to appear ringside, screeching at the sparring fighters and telling them to anticipate jabs before going in for the kill.  From an outsider’s perspective, the environment was aesthetically surreal. Tom has developed such an esteemed reputation as a trainer, manager, and cutman, that legendary boxer Roy Jones, Jr. bypassed famed gyms from around the country to train in the small Pittsburgh suburb, preparing for his most recent fight against Max Alexander. At 42, Roy Jones, Jr. won the fight in a unanimous ten round decision taking the UBO Intercontinental Cruiserweight title and proving once and again that age is just a number. Roy Jones, Jr. has received virtually every award that boxing has to offer.  Carrying 55 wins in his storied career, Roy Jones, Jr. is only one win shy of tying the mark of 56 held by his idol Muhammad Ali, and he is destined to reach it.    Front Row Monthly received a unique opportunity to sit down with the living legend to inquire about his past accomplishments and the state of the sport. Front Row Monthly: Many have labeled you, poundfor-pound, the greatest boxer that has ever lived.  How do you feel about that? Roy Jones, Jr.: I feel good about that.  I don’t really have anything to prove.  I keep asking myself why didn’t I win a cruiserweight title?  I won everything from middleweight to heavyweight but skipped cruiserweight, and I know I’m capable so why would I skip it and leave it unturned?  I want to turn over every stone that I can.  So that’s what I’m doing.  FRM: At what age did you decide that fighting was going to be your future, and how did the decision come about? RJJ: 10.  I wanted to start when I was 5, but didn’t actually start until I was 10.  I watched the Ali/Frazier fight and saw how Ali used his brain to kind of upset Joe Frazier and get to him.  He was keeping his cool and delivering the punishment.  I said ‘I can do that if someone shows me how to deliver the punishment because my mind will never get too upset.  I’m always going to be cool under pressure, so I can do that.’ That’s what made me want to box.  FRM: You hold a controversial silver medal from the 1988 Olympic Games in Seoul, Korea, losing to South Korean boxer Park Si-hun.  Despite your dominance in the bout, Si-hun won the gold, and it was later revealed that judges were bribed, causing the Olympic committee to change their scoring system.  What are your thoughts? RJJ: I thought that the scoring change was a bad change.  They went to computer scoring which is not right.  Why not keep it traditional?  All they had to do was right the wrong.  We have it on tape.  They knew it was wrong because they prosecuted the judges for it,

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banning them from the sport telling everyone that they knew it was wrong.  By getting rid of them, they set the precedent that if you cheat like they did that you might get banned.  They paid the judges off and yet he got to keep the gold medal.  It’s unethical.  It hurt the sport and less people are watching because they didn’t go back and fix the problem until after the fact.   FRM: You seem very passionate about it.  Do you think you should have the gold? RJJ: It’s not about my gold medal.  It’s about the dignity and the loyalty of the sport.  If you want to keep the sport ethical then do what’s right.  It’s like the Pacquiao/Marquez fight.  That was very controversial, but we can watch it on tape and see that it was the wrong outcome.  It was what the judges saw that night and they made their decision.  Marquez won 9 rounds and everyone around can see that he won it and they still gave the fight to Pacquiao.  I’d march 2012


call it no contest and refight it, but that’s crazy.  Why have a judicial system if you catch me on video robbing a store?  You put me in jail but let me keep everything that I stole?  No.  That money belongs to the store so give it back. 

RJJ: James Toney, by far.  I hit him so hard, but he is just a different kind of dude.  He did all of the right hits, all of the right combinations.  He didn’t seem so fast, but he was amazing. 

FRM: If you had to signify one high point in your career, what would it be?

FRM: Hypothetically speaking, there are no coaches or crowd; just you, a ref, and an opponent.  If you could fight any former boxer from any era in their prime, who would it be?

RJJ: The heavyweight title, because nobody had ever accomplished that and then gone on to win the light heavyweight title.  FRM: Low point? RJJ: Losing to (Antonio) Tarver.  That was a real low point because I had never been in that situation.  My body had never been through that kind of a change.  I had never been knocked out before, and it was a feeling I hadn’t experienced.     FRM: Who was the most difficult fighter that you have ever faced and why? m arch 2012

RJJ: It would have to be Sugar Ray Robinson because he was the best at his weight.  Hypothetically, you want to face the best.  FRM: You’re currently 43 years old.  How long do you plan on fighting? RJJ: At 45 I put down my gloves.    frontrowmonthly.com | FrM |

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FRM: There’s been a slight lull in interest within the sport of professional boxing over the past 10-15 years.  A lot of that fell within your era.  Did you notice a difference and if so, what do you attribute it to? RJJ: It’s because boxing has not been publicly televised and properly marketed to where people can follow who the up and coming boxers are.  There’s an old breed that’s supposed to move out, but people only know them because they aren’t exposed to the new breed and don’t know who’s coming in.  And now, old fighters like myself can get more credibility and more talk than these young fighters who are coming up and might be as good as I am.  They’re very good looking prospects but people don’t want to tune in to them because they don’t know enough about them.  Boxing fans know my whole life story, but they don’t know these guys.  It’s like Deontay Wilder.  He was the only guy that won a medal at the last Olympics.  He has 20 wins, but nobody has seen him.  Luckily HBO has played some of his bouts, but how can everyone follow that?  FRM: Present company excluded, who are the best boxers out there right now? RJJ: Floyd Mayweather, and Manny Pacquiao.   FRM: If boxing weren’t the path that you took in life, where do you think you’d be right now? RJJ: I don’t know.  Probably try to play basketball or football.  I love sports and was meant to be in sports in some way.    FRM: Ambridge, PA seems like an odd place to train. What brings you here? RJJ: Troy Ridgley. Troy played football for Notre Dame and in the NFL for a few years.  He has been a close friend for a long time.  He introduced me to Tom (Yankello) and said that I should head up to his home town and give the gym a shot.  I told him that I wasn’t interested in trying anything new, but Troy said that Tom would be honest with me in my training.  I had him set it up and agreed that I would try it for two weeks.  If everything worked out, I would stick around, and I’m still here.   In what is sure to end in a Hall of Fame career, his outspoken desire for ethical vigilance within the sport will act as proof that Roy Jones, Jr. believes in a higher standard, and young boxers from every corner of the earth will forever owe him their undying gratitude and respect.  To contact World Class Boxing Gym, go to tomyankelloboxing.com.

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HUMOR

TakeOneDown by Bob Barley

I’ve never read a book, took a class or really care about the fine art/science of actual beer tasting. I’m just a guy from Pittsburgh that loves drinking draft beer and saw a need for a non-snobby, relatable guide for the average beer drinker…. Actually this is really just a way to justify to my wife all the expensive beer I drink. If you’re interested in “real” but not nearly as cool reviews, a simple google search will get you all kinds of lame sites.

Tröegs Nugget Nectar

12oz. Bottle - 7.5% ABV - $30ish/case

What they say

Squeeze those hops for all they’re worth and prepare to pucker up: Nugget Nectar Ale, will take hopheads to nirvana with a heady collection of Nugget, Warrior and Tomahawk hops. Starting with the same base ingredients of our flagship HopBack Amber Ale, Nugget Nectar intensifies the malt and hop flavors to create an explosive hop experience.

What I say

So uh, this beer tastes like Pot. Yep, Ganga in a glass. And I’m not talking about that shit you smoked in high school or the stuff you bought while vacationing last summer on the beach of an all-inclusive Mexican resort. I’m talking sticky, icky, cover of High Times cannabis. So why is this? Well, I’m no florist and/or scientist but it might have something to do with hops being part of a small genus of flowering plants called Cannabaceae. Which as you may have already guessed also includes the genera Cannabis. So I guess that makes them cousins or something.

The TakeOneDown.com Rating System

WOW! Top score. This beer is freakin amazing, give me another to

drink on the way to the distributor and call in sick tomorrow, I’m buying a keg MMMMM! Almost amazing, I’d totally spend the money on a case. Eh. Not bad, I’d order it again if there wasn’t anything else better. Bleh. It pretty much sucks, I’ll finish it but won’t ever buy it again. Bluuuck! Th  ats the best word I can come up with to describe the sound I make while puking.

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Anyway, enough with all this flower science. At the end of the day it’s an incredibly balanced, very drinkable ale. Not only does it have the citrusy, “floral” notes talked about above but a great caramel finish.

Label

Pretty cool, but then again most of the Tröegs’ brothers labels are. It reminds me of a Soviet propaganda poster... Well if the Soviets were trying to promote awesome beer.

Overall wow!

march 2012


HUMOR

E E R I R K A N W C D It’s Over T by Adam Hornyak

I date quite a bit. I’m a one-woman man, so for me, “frequently dating” means that a break-up must occur before the next relationship starts. Ending a romance is never easy to do, which is why I decided to create a Dear John form letter alleviating me from having to face the inevitable 6-hour crying session where I have to quietly sneak out of the room before she clocks me in the jaw. I decided to sit my ass down and put a few words together for one particular woman that I wanted to end it with, when I came to the realization that the letter worked perfectly for virtually every relationship that I had ever been in. I never recognized the fact that I had a “type” until now. Darling, These past few months have been all too much fun. We’ve shared some good times together, watching sports bloopers and enjoying lovely dinners at IHOP, but I think we’ve reached a point where it’s time that we go our separate ways. I will always relish in the fact that I have your sincere friendship, and that you let me do that stuff to you on my birthday, which is an evening I will always treasure and never forget. Let’s call a spade a spade. You and I haven’t been working out lately. You are so much younger than I and our tastes are far from the same. We enjoy different music, movies, and have nothing ample in common. Most of all, I feel like we are on very different levels, especially because of how incredibly stupid you are. Seriously. You may be one of the dumbest women I have ever met, and it hurts me to have to do this, but I have intellectual needs that you will never be able to fulfill. Please don’t take it the wrong way because I still love you with all of my heart and I hope we can continue to be friends. I’m at a point though where I have to let you go and take on someone in my life that doesn’t give me the unsettling desire to jamb a fork in my ear. If I have one compliment I can pass on, it’s that I find it amazing that you are physically able to function at all. Since your hair is constantly matted on the left, and you tend to apply your beautiful crimson lipstick to the outside of your mouth, I’m floored by the fact that you can even find your way into work without the help of others. Before I discovered that you didn’t have an assisted living monkey making you up in the morning, I considered your style a cute quirkiness, but have since realized that you are nothing more m arch 2012

than borderline retarded, and let’s face it; the sound of your voice alone makes my nose bleed profusely. It’s hard not to think of the good times, like when we were at the zoo, and you jumped into the panda cage because you thought the bear was communicating telepathically, or the night where you tried to convince me that Ben Franklin was our greatest president. After everything we’ve experienced together, I have trouble breaking this off, but it’s meant to be. The problem is that I can’t help but focus on the instances where you made our relationship uncomfortable. I can no longer accept the fact that you always use the word “jamble” when referring to threesomes, or that you repeatedly enact awful scenes from Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns. Last night was the final straw. I can’t deal with irrationally unfunny humor any longer. My biggest fear is that I will one day be driving down the street to find you randomly talking to a lamp post; a thought that is constantly hanging over my head. You know that the women from my past were considerably more sophisticated and intelligent than two of you combined which is somewhat ironic considering that they were half your size. I will always miss your cooking, especially the erotic cake that was presented upon your insistence at my son’s 5th birthday party, and the dry ramen noodles that you regularly served to house guests. On the flip side, forcing me to wear a ski cap during sex under your assumption that it would prevent pregnancy was cute at first, but the novelty wore off over time. As you can see, our relationship has been a roller coaster with which I cannot continue to thrive in. I’m aware that the grass isn’t always greener (which is probably a metaphor you aren’t familiar with), and that you will need someone to help you sound out the big words in this letter, but you’ll make your way without me. I’m so sorry if I have caused you any pain. Just keep wearing the helmet to work, and know that I will always cherish the wonderful passion we once had. Love always, Adam To reach Adam, please send your complaints to frm.adamh@gmail.com frontrowmonthly.com | FrM |

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HUMOR

I n T his C orner your ol’ pal Matty C.

VS. The Environment!

Let’s rock!

I freaking hate the environment! The first thing I do when I wake up each morning is stand outside on my patio and empty an entire can of aerosol hairspray. I don’t even need hairspray. I buy it expressly for that purpose. Next I venture back inside…. OK, OK…I don’t hate the environment. That was just a clever way to get folks to take an interest in this month’s article (that’s called a ‘hook’!). The truth is I really don’t have anything to take issue with this month. In fact, I couldn’t be in a better mood. And the reason for that, dear readers, is that March is the greatest month of the year! Alright, in all fairness, it’s really just the second half of March that is so wonderful. The first half sucks just as bad as January and February. The weather is still shitty. It gets dark at 3pm. You’re usually still clinging to whatever stupid New Year’s resolution you made. For most, myself included, that means no binge drinking, no hard drugs and no food that tastes good or that I actually may enjoy. Then the ides pass and suddenly things start looking up! The weather gets a little nicer. We “spring” forward. We come to the realization that our New Year’s resolutions are all bullshit. We buy pants with a bigger waist and embrace the fact that waking up amid a pack of vagrants, shirtless and in a puddle of our own vomit, is occasionally acceptable. And then March, or “Awesome Half-Month” as I call it, comes into full swing with, in no particular order, St. Patrick’s Day, Spring Training and March Madness! Spring Training marks the start of baseball season; a period that has become synonymous with summer. The teams head off to either Arizona or Florida. ESPN and even the local news stations show footage of the teams practicing or scrimmaging and, although the weather may still suck in Minnesota, Milwaukee and Boston, it gives a glimpse of the good things to come! Each split-squad game brings with it the promise of picnics and fireworks! With every tailor-made double play, we’re one step closer to eighty-degree afternoons at the ballpark! Each game of soft-toss evokes memories of a father and son having a catch on a warm Sunday evening! And nothing symbolizes hope better than Spring Training! Each of the thirty ballclubs, even my beloved Pirates, believes that this will be their year! After all, before one game is played everyone is tied for first place! Seemingly anyone, from Garth Brooks to

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Billy Crystal to David Wells can show up at Spring Training and compete for a spot on the team. For most, the dream ends there. For others, spring training gets extended and they head off to spots like Pawtucket, Toledo and Huntsville to hone their skills in Single, Double and Triple A ball. But only the best make the big league roster. And these Heroes of Summer; men with names like Aaron, Ruth, DiMaggio, Mays; these men return to the big city where, with bat in hand and glove at the ready, they will embark upon a six month quest for the glory that is Major League Baseball’s crown. I’m getting choked up just thinking about it! The second half of the month is kicked off in grand fashion with an annual all-day booze fest called St. Patrick’s Day. Holiday traditions include the ‘wearing of the green’, festive parades and drinking until you piss yourself and forget your own name! Since the death of my dreams, I mean birth of my children, my St. Patty’s Day celebrations have gotten progressively less riotous. Gone are the days of cramming together with thousands of other revelers in the town square to drink, dance and overturn Port-OPottys. And I’ll admit, when the calendar turns to March 17th, there’s still a part of me that misses those times. Some interesting facts about St. Patrick’s Day: It’s the most widely celebrated day to honor a Christian saint. I would imagine, however, that St. Josaphat’s Day would be a hell of a lot more popular if it started out with a Guinness toast at dawn and ended with a wet tee-shirt contest! The three-leaved shamrock was used by St. Patrick to explain the Holy Trinity to the pagan Irish. Honestly, it doesn’t seem to be so confusing as to warrant a visual aid, but what do I know. Incidentally, the same lesson could have been adequately taught with poison ivy. St. Patrick is credited with having driven all of the snakes out of Ireland. However, scientific evidence now suggests that Ireland never had snakes. Sort of also brings into question St. Patrick’s claim of having rid Ireland of sasquatches, yeti and non-alcoholic beverages. St. Patrick actually first came to Ireland when, at the age of sixteen, he was kidnapped by Irish raiders and held captive. It was only later in life, upon receiving a vision from God that…aw, who gives a shit. This holiday has green beer for Christ’s sake! What’s great about this day where “we’re all a little Irish” (besides, of course, the encouraged overindulgence in alcohol and green march 2012


body paint) is that it’s the “anti-holiday”. There are no greeting cards (screw you, Hallmark); no gifts are exchanged (up yours, Best Buy); and unless you’re hoisting a pint or throwing back a shot of Jameson’s, no one even bothers to with you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day. And perhaps most importantly, without St. Patrick’s Day, we wouldn’t have Leprechauns. And without Leprechauns, we wouldn’t have the 1983 movie “Leprechaun”. And while that film stunk worse than a box made of feces and filled with burning cats, it did spawn the career of one Jennifer Aniston. I’ll drink to that! Jen’s ready in case David Schwimmer ever finds out where she lives! Which brings us to the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament or, as it’s affectionately known, March Madness. For those of you who don’t know, this is a sixty-four team (forget the “play-in games”) single elimination tournament designed to determine college basketball’s national champion. The tournament is comprised of four regions with sixteen teams ranked from best (#1) to worst (#16). It begins in late March and eventually concludes with the final two teams meeting in early April. The first two rounds of the tourney, played Thursday to Sunday, result in a nearly non-stop, televised basketball fest. The field is narrowed from sixty-four to thirty-two and then to the “Sweet Sixteen”, “Elite Eight” and finally, the “Final Four”. And, of course, the most important part about the tournament is filling out your own bracket in order to follow along and see how well you know your hoops…or at least how freaking lucky you can get! Let me take you back in time. The year is 1988. An impressionable young high school freshman named Matty stops by the G-Hall boys’ bathroom to take a leak. I am immediately approached by a much larger senior. “Hey kid,” he says. Sensing an upcoming swirlie, I proactively drop to my knees and shove my own head into the toilet. When no flush occurs after a few seconds, I sheepishly stand back up, at which point the kid hands me a sheet of paper with the 1988 NCAA Men’s Bracket printed upon it. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he asks. Not waiting for a response, he adds “Do you want to get in our basketball pool?” Truthfully, I didn’t. College hoops was one of the few sports that I didn’t follow, and ten bucks was a lot of cash for an unemployed fourteen year old to part with. Still, something told me that non-compliance wasn’t an option. Reluctantly I forked over the money and slinked off to fill out my bracket. Knowing nothing about the teams in the Big Dance as it’s called, I more or less chose all of the higher seeds to win or in some cases went with the team that I’d at least heard of. My Final Four was rather un-creative and included #1 Oklahoma, #1 Arizona and #2 Duke, all of which ended up being correct. My other finalist, #1 Purdue, was upset early and the winner of that region, and ultimately the whole tourney, was #6 Kansas, who no one saw coming. That meant that my picks were good enough to take first place and I walked away with nearly a thousand dollars and the unwavering respect of everyone in the school (alright, at least I got the cash).

involved in. Even my wife, who has no interest whatsoever in college basketball, or sports in general for that matter, fills out a pool and spends the next few weeks living or dying with Michigan State or UCLA. And that’s the beauty of the tournament. Anyone can participate. There is no skill involved. Fill out a bracket and enter the office pool. Even if you don’t care about basketball or the cash prize, there is something wonderful about being able to brag that you finished higher than the guy who has season tickets and knows the recruiting schedules of the coaches from his favorite university. And even though it was purely dumb luck that led to my inaugural tournament victory, my approach now as it relates to completing my bracket is much more scientific. I review each teams’ schedule to see how they fared against tougher opponents. I consider hot streaks near the end of the season, including the conference tournaments. I take into account how many players have tournament experience and how seasoned is the coach. And since my first place run in 1988, I’ve come no where close to winning it again! That has never stopped me, however, from employing the many tips that I’ve learned over the years. No #1 seed has ever lost to a #16. In the first round, the #9’s have a slight mathematical edge over the #8’s. A #1 seed almost always makes it to the Final Four, but all four #1 seeds rarely do. And of course, a #12 almost always beats a #5. This last one is special. For some reason, almost every year this phenomenon occurs at least once out of the four games in which a #12 and a #5 square off. The most recent year in which it did not happen was 2007…and I remember it vividly! I was in Vegas for a bachelor party. We had timed the trip to correspond with the first two rounds of March Madness. Armed with the facts and figures that supported my assertion, I boldly announced over a breakfast of Red Bull and Vodka that I was going to bet $100 apiece on all four #12 seeds to win straight up. Given history, I fully expected that at least one, maybe two, would hit and I’d spend the rest of the weekend balls deep in hookers! Instead for only the second time in nearly three decades, they went a combined 0 for 4 and the rest of my wild and crazy weekend took place in the Keno Lounge playing penny slots with what appeared to be the extras from the cast of “Cocoon”. Lesson learned. And since my other tips and techniques have turned up empty as well, I decided that it’s time for a change. This year, I’m going back to basics. And I’d advise you, dear readers, to do the same. For as cool as your bracket will look with a final match-up between #15 South Central North Dakota State and #11 Western New Mexico, the reality of it is: it ain’t going to happen. Listen to the urine-soaked freshman in the G-Hall bathroom. Pick the favorites. Stick with the schools you’ve heard of. And have fun! Oh…and try not to give yourself a swirlie! Matt C., Front Row Monthly’s hammerin’ humorist, levies literary jabs and written uppercuts at any and all subjects.

Since then, I, like most of America, make the filling out of my bracket an annual tradition. It’s something that anyone can get m arch 2012

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Front Row Monthly | March 2012