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Height.

I always felt afraid of it, but I never give up on myself. I want to fight it, but sometimes just can‘t. Want to challenge myself, but don’t have that much courage to convince myself. Feel too weak.

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When I do it – I feel so strong.

b i s s o p There are some fears that I like to touch, think or try fighting against but at the same time I am also afraid of them.


I always see myself in the worst position possible.

e l b

Every time I stand or watch somebody else up high I start thinking about consequences – how would I fall, what would I break, who would come to help me, how could I rescue myself, or if I climbed up, will I manage to get back at all. All these thoughts make me nervous, sweaty, and anxious.

2


heig When I climb somewhere or feel danger, I consider every detail that comes along with the first step. In the process of climbing up the water tower, I thought of how old the metal was, does the ladder move or not. Tried to shake it, looked from different perspectives. When climbing up I considered everything I saw: metal, rust, age, how and what it was made of. At first I stood up there and walked around exploring, then imagined how long ago it was used before me.

3

h


According to the people with beards and glasses, we are born with two fears: loud noises and falling. This, they say, proves that the fear of heights phobia is a result of evolution, and its formation is not a result of cultural conditioning or a traumatic event.

In many cases it is all about the height.

I want to know my limits. After absorbing the situation, I decide I am either going to be comfortable going there or not. I want to know and set my own limit, maybe the standard of what‘s appropriate and inappropriate for me.

4


This attempt to climb is a clear experiment to me. I was thinking of how I would feel and what I would do, what would happen if I were to do something wrong, and whose fault would that be. I remember my legs shaking when I reached the middle point, going even further and increasing the pain in my hands, other muscles, because it was very intense. I was afraid to make mistakes. Everything then must be thought through ahead. The thoughts were only about what was going to happen the next step.

5

I remember the smile on my face. It was there because I felt like I was going against my will and felt adrenalin running in my blood.

e v a r b


I feel like I can go far and very high if I am comfortable and safe enough. Now I believe even more that there is no such thing as fear of heights. It is only a fear of falling off and danger.

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‘Sensation’ Visual Problem Solving

Created by: Simas Petrauskas

2012 April


Vertigo