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BY BEC K Y CA N NO NS

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nless we identify our own issues, we’ll never be able to address them. I’ve identified I’m a moaner – I can deal with that. But, I’m also very positive and full of energy. I’ll help anyone (at least once) and really want to make this world a better place for everyone. Maybe, just maybe, I have a right to moan and bitch? Stop Moaning – Do You Have The Right? That leads to me to those people who I should really moan about but in reality make me so angry I don’t. Just like me, they moan, but I call them the “side-line moaners.” They’ve done nothing to have any perspective on what they are “moaning” about – and more importantly they are going to do nothing about what they are “moaning” about. Typically, they just moan about why they can’t or haven’t done or got something – due to bad luck, family, home-life, work, money, time, etc. Unfortunately, life is hard work. You have to make the effort to get new experiences. If you’re not growing, you’re dying. When I see someone driving a flashy car, dressing well, having fun, dancing amazingly, playing a musical instrument, enjoying nice food in a nice restaurant, or going out ‘dressed’ I always assume that they have done some hard work, made a big effort, and sacrifice was made for them being there and doing it (but I may still have a bitch about their nose or the alloys on their car). It Is a Journey – Not a Destination Nothing in life comes for free and you get out what you put in. You also make your own luck. You build your own confidence and you develop our own skills. Luck is when hard work meets opportunity – and you make both. I don’t play the lottery (OK, when there is a massive prize fund I do). It’s a “mugs game” because the chances of winning are stacked against you. Like I said, I don’t believe in pure luck! You create your own path. Without question people are dealt some bad cards in life. Being transgendered is one of them. Why the hell would anyone want to be like this? It’s what you do with it that counts. I’ve spent years dealing with my transgender issues. I’m still dealing with them. I’ve developed coping strategies to mask it, from simple denial to more elaborate mind-games

to convincing myself everything is normal. I’ve coped with having a family and bringing up children and dealing with my issues, somehow prioritising them all and somehow wading through all sorts of issues to be in a place where the ground is firmer. Being transgender is a journey, not a destination. If you’re on the transgender spectrum, from having a cross-dressing fetish to full gender dysphonia, you’re different and you need to understand and deal with it. You need to deal and accept it to get you to happiness, or at least to be content with your life. So why is being transgendered a journey? The reality is there is no destination. The destination is a state of mental wellbeing where your mental state is at one with your physical presence. An unrealistic, unachievable, utopia? Probably. And the problem is, the journey is not only a transgender journey – it’s your life journey. YOUR LIFE. The challenge is that the life journeys of other people are intertwined. The great thing about journeys is that you are in charge. It’s your ticket. Sometimes you maybe stay on the train to long. Sometimes you take a wrong turn. Sometimes you walk when you could be running, but it’s your journey, nobody else’s. Step Up – Take Difficult Choices “Choose your mood” is one of my favourite quotes. When you wake up in the morning to when you go to bed in the evening you control your mood. Your mood influences your choices and your energy levels. It also influences those around you. If you smile at someone it’s hard for them not to smile back. Try it. Take control, set goals, and make an effort. People find setting goals hard but our body does it all the time. We have to eat, breath, and sleep. If we don’t then our body sets them by default. Or someone else does, such as what time we have to get into work? Who the fuck sets that goal? They are being set and met all the time. Take control. I set myself some TG goals. Mine was to go out dressed before I was 30 (I was 27 at the time). I’d done it when I was 28, with hairy arms and legs and looking a right state (some would even say minger). So, I set a new goal to remove my body hair and go out and stay in my relationship and not be secretive about going out by the time I was

30! It took me 7 more years, but I got there. Sometimes it’s little steps and sometimes big steps, but never fail to take any steps, and never give up. Stepping up is hard. There are so many other priorities and risks, guilt and emotions. It’s a mine field but unless you step up and dare to tread and question you cannot make progress. You’re not in control of your plans or priorities. This is your life journey and if that sounds selfish, that’s because it is. Pursuing transgender goals are selfish, but you have to get over it. If you have to, do it. You may hurt someone else, but if you don’t you’ll surely hurt yourself and that, in the end, will hurt them too. Get Out — Try Your Best Getting out means so many things to so many people. It’s different for everyone and getting out happens in different stages and forms. It’s part of that life journey. Sometimes is just about telling a loved one or someone at work you have some transgender feelings. For others it’s about going out in public dressed to a bar, others shopping, and for others it’s about living entirely as their opposite birth gender. Whatever it means is a game changer, a bar raiser, and new chapter. It doesn’t happen without you wanting to, and it doesn’t happen without your effort. What’s important is that it happens within your control and with your very best effort. Some people don’t care what other people think of them. I get that, but that thinking comes with a certain naivety. Remember my moaning? My bitchiness? I’d rather be remembered for the right reason not the wrong ones and making an effort in your delivery is important. I generally don’t care what people think about me and what I do, but standards are important for my own self-worth. Knowing that I tried my best, that I made that extra effort, and that I learned more and experienced more to take me further on my journey is important. So, if you are one of those “side-line moaners” I hope you’re clear about how irritating I find you, and I hope this has helped you to make a little extra effort to step-up or quit moaning. And if you’re someone who is on that life journey to happiness, good on you as it’s people like you that inspire me to try and make that extra effort to add to our very special community. http://www.transtastic.com/

Profile for fourculture

fourculture: issue one  

ART, MUSIC, LITERATURE AND COMPELLING SOCIETAL VIEWS THAT LIVE OUTSIDE OF THE BOX

fourculture: issue one  

ART, MUSIC, LITERATURE AND COMPELLING SOCIETAL VIEWS THAT LIVE OUTSIDE OF THE BOX

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