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this modern age. The great challenge. Man has got to recognize himself, as somebody, as a being, something more than just what we call a human being, or go down, or perish. He has no other supports as it were. Nothing is holding him up. He is alone. Each one alone in the world. This is how I interpret it. The situation. The drama. There will never be again, a savior for man. We have had enough saviors. We’ve had an end of saviors. They have done all that is possible. They have shown man the way. Now, Man must find it for himself. On his own. He cannot be saved. He must save himself.” This quote struck me in the most profound way. Since I was a child, I always felt this loneliness that I could not express. I have a beautiful loving family, I have beautiful and loving friends, but I somehow found myself under the kitchen table or in a closet somewhere. To this day, that has not changed. I could be sitting in a room full of people and feel the most incredible loneliness. For years I felt hopeless about it. It became very destructive, and I would feel like I could not exist normally in the world. There is no other poet who captures the feeling most beautifully as Rainer Maria Rilke, who I am so utterly grateful for. I am not going to quote him again, but essentially what he got at was that if you are lonely, and you have this black feeling that you can’t rid yourself of, embrace that feeling. Embrace it because it is in those moments of sadness and being solitary, that you grow most deeply. I have learned to become okay with that feeling that I cannot rid myself of. Instead of resenting it, I feel grateful for it, and I find ways that I can express it into something that I can contribute. At the moment it’s music. Sometimes it is in acting. Sometimes it is in film. I want to explore all ways of expression “Particular Magic” is a particular favorite of mine. What came first, the lyrics or the tune?  What was the inspiration behind the song? Usually the lyrics and the tune come  simultaneously. As I am shaping the music, the melodies come, and as I am shaping the melodies, the words come. Sometimes it may be a central theme or phrase that starts to come out that will shape the entire song lyrically or vice versa. As far as inspiration goes, the first phrase that came to me was “Now I feel so alone, we can turn the ships around. In the sea overboard, we can turn the ships around. Around, ‘til everybody’s found.” I kept seeing this giant fleet of ships tearing through stormy waters towards something bigger or greater. I saw myself alone on these ships, when leaving the dock having such strong conviction and certainty, but when out alone in the middle of this storm feeling alone and having the

voice of doubt creeping in. Maybe we should go back and find all of the other selves that you threw overboard in order to lighten the load toward this greater unknown. In the chorus the phrase “There’s no Particular Magic baby, the only thing we have to learn, is our particular tragedies have the right to keep themselves a home.” Telling myself that there is no magic that can make things in the past disappear. Your own tragedies have the right to keep themselves a home inside of you, for they are the very things that shape you. You were already experienced in the music business as the lead for Capra. What did you learn from that experience, either good or bad, that you could bring to what you do now as Scott Kid?  Let me start out by saying that I have nothing but complete and utter love for the experience that I had with Capra as well as the guys in the band. This is in hindsight of course. There were very dark times during the course of us that I could not get a perspective on or lesson from, which is the constant battle with the dark things in our lives. Capra started out as pure childlike expression. Five guys getting in a room together with no motive other than creating music and enjoying ourselves. It went on like this for years. We would play out every week and being on stage and the energy of playing with each other was so beautiful whether the music was good or not. That was the feeling that I loved and what made me love music as an expression so much. Inevitably, as these things do when you create out of love, people started to take notice. People who thought they could make money off of us started taking notice, which is also inevitable and completely okay. It’s what makes the world keep moving and artists being able to create and survive. But when that started happening, the dynamic in the band started to change. More and more our pure creativity was getting shut down. It has a very deep effect on you as an artist. You start to second guess yourself. You start writing by the book with the thoughts of “will the label like this” instead of “this is what I have to say.” When that switch is turned on, there is no going back, if you continue to stay in that realm. I got to a point where I started to resent music, not anybody or anything, but music itself. I knew that something had to be done, and not everybody felt the same way. So, as hard as it was, you get to a breaking point where you have to do what is best for yourself. So I decided to leave the band. That was in June 2011, where I started the answer of the first question. Alone in a house, with many words and songs and feelings pent up inside of me that weren’t being permitted to come out. When I did

find a place to express freely, it exploded. I feel like it has come full circle now. I feel like these last two years creating music under Scott Kid has made up for the two years in which I had so much to say but couldn›t. What I can say is that if I can contribute anything to young artists, is this great lesson that I have learned. To not let commerce put a lid on your creative voice. Commerce is wonderful if you can create freely. When you first began as Scott Kid, you mentioned that it was something you wanted to just do without pressure for money or success. Has that goal remained true throughout the creation of all four albums?  Is it harder to stay true to that goal as an artist once fame and success come into the picture? I believe I answered a lot of this question with the last answer. What I can say is this: Nothing has changed. Over the past two years I have been approached by labels and publishers etc. for Scott Kid. It was never something that I wanted with this project. I have been through that, and I know what it feels like. I am saying this on a personal level. I am not saying this for everybody. It would not be the same project if money was involved. Even if someone approached me and said������������������������������������ “Here is the money, go create whatever you want”, there is always expectation involved, which subconsciously changes the way you create, whether we are aware of it or not. I am lucky enough to make a living doing something else, where I have been able to keep this completely as a free expression which is why I don’t sell the music. I put it out there initially because it makes the music immortal in a sense. It makes it exist in something concrete. That is what we all must strive to do, is to contribute something to the world in which we live in. Remaining rather anonymous in creating this music offered you, as you put it, “a certain protection over the music and why I did it.” Why, at the time, did you feel you needed that protection? How have things changed for you since then? At the time I felt I had completely sold myself out. I felt I had sabotaged everything I had ever loved. No one was there to teach me about being an artist. No one was there protecting me. I hadn’t come upon all of the realizations and lessons I have learned these past few years. I knew something was not right, but I could not pin it. When you are younger and on your own quest with no guidance, you have no other choice but to grab onto anything that presents itself to you. You are in the middle of the jungle fighting off tigers and snakes, trying to get to a certain paradise you have in your head beyond the trees, but you don’t know how. So you grab onto any branch or rope or ISSUE ISSUE SEVEN NINE

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Fourculture issue 9  

A bimonthly magazine & blog bringing you art, music, literature & compelling societal views.