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Army Community Service (ACS) Fort Drum, New York

February 2014

ACS Green Press Direct questions / feedback To: Sarah Lynch : 772-5374

Not Just When Your Love is Away… Emotional Stages of Deployment

Inside this issue: Regarding resilience: Tips, tools and techniques for practicing resilience everyday


For the Love of Money


Stages of Development Continued


Spouse in the Spotlight-


North Country Culture Shock


Protecting our 7 Children From Online Dangers.

ACS Calendar of Events


ACS Contacts


There are many life events that cause stress to couples during their marriage. For a Military Family deployment is a huge life stressor. It is a common misconception the stress begins the day the Soldier leaves and is alleviated the day he or she returns.

deployment. Their focus is on unit cohesion and their mission. Unfortunately, this stage can cause marital distance as sadness, anger and fear can cause the couple to withdraw from one another and gradually shut down their emotions.

by Sarah Lynch

be misconceived. Another challenge faced is the tendency for rumors to spread rapidly. Rumors can be damaging to the Soldier down range as well as the spouse and FRG.

Anticipation of Return: This is a time marked by excitement The fact is, the stress caused by and joy as well as being hectic as deployment profoundly impacts Emotional Disorganizapreparations are made for the the marriage well before the tion: This is the stage when a Soldiers return. There is also a Soldier leaves and long after they spouse experiencing need for those Family members return. The time leading up to deployment for the first time waiting for their Soldier’s return deployment and the adjustment has to take on additional and to communicate and establish period following the reunion are sometimes unfamiliar realistic expectations for the equally if not more stressful. responsibilities. Ironically, reunion. Understanding the different emo- with multiple deployments, Return Adjustment and tional cycles that coincide with the even seasoned spouses may Renegotiation: Couples and also experience emotional stages of deployment can help their Families must renegotiate alleviate stress and set couples up disorganization as they may roles and responsibilities. for success during difficult times. be burnt out from previous Effective communication is deployments. imperative to the success of this The following stages make up the Recovery and Stabilization: stage. So many factors such as emotional cycle of deployment: the military spouse begins to combat stress and trauma can Anticipation of Departure: This normalize and begins to think influence the Soldier’s behavior is the first stage and is they can actually survive and interaction with the Family. characterized by periods of denial deployment. The spouses Unrealistic expectations often and the anticipation of loss. deal with this stage in many lead to marital arguments and While Soldiers begin to gear up, different ways. Some spouses resentment. bond with their units and reach out to Family Readiness Reintegration and Stabilizainadvertently create emotional Groups (FRG), Family tion: This stage can take as long distance before leaving, their members, Neighbors, as six months to complete. spouse may feel alone and Coworkers or church memCombat stress can continue to resentful. Often the frustration bers while others deal with inhibit stabilization. Often leads to arguments that can create things on their own. One Families then factor in a a wedge between the couple challenge during this stage is Permanent Change of Duty Stabefore the deployment. the accurate timely tion (PCS) which is another maDetachment and Withdrawal: dissemination of information. jor life stressor. Social Media and emailing can This is the stage when Soldiers Continued on page 4 prepare psychologically for their be both beneficial and damaging as information can often

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February 2014

ACS Green Press

Regarding Resilience: Tips, tools and techniques for practicing resilience everyday! By Jenn Eichner, MRT 772-2848

Resilience Foundation Skill-Time For a Second Look? Happy New Year all!! Thinking this is a good time to take a RE-look at the resilience foundation skill. I am certain that in the past year, you have all had some activating events occur. I hope that you were able to apply your resilience skills and keep those events in check. Well it’s a new year filled with new good stuff but also possible new activating events. Resilience, you see, will not make them go away, but it will help you keep them at bay. So, here is the refresher – take a new look… Here is the way to break it down so that you can identify patterns in your thoughts to help you understand why you may react the way you do.

Step One - Break down an AE into: Who, What, When and Where. NO WHY (why stirs up emotion)! Step Two - Write down your “in the heat of the moment” interpretations of the AE; what you said to yourself. Step Three - Write down the consequences of YOUR THOUGHTS (not the event). These would be your emotions and reactions. For example, you may have felt angry (emotion) and yelled loudly (reaction).

a change in your thinking and watch how your reactions will follow suit. “Anyone can get angry–that is easy– but to get angry with the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, for the right reason, and in the right way is no longer something easy that anyone can do.” –Aristotle Good luck and good thoughts!

Once you break it all down, look at your emotions and reactions and see if they fit. Were they productive or counterproductive in responding to the event? If counter-productive, see if you can make

“stop searching the world for treasure, the real treasure is in yourself” ~Pablo Valle

2014 Master Resilience Training Schedule

6 February, Module 4, 9:30am-12:30pm, ACS 11 March, Module 5, 9:30am-12:30pm, ACS “Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them” ~H. Jackson Brown

Spring Marathon, 31 March-3 April All modules covered

9:30am-3:30 pm Work Force Development Building For reservations call 315-772-2848/0509/9611

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February 2014

ACS Green Press

For the Love of Money Since we are getting close to Valentine’s Day, it is important for us to remember to love ourselves. Savings for retirement is one way we can show our Family we love them.

I have often heard it said that the love of money is the root of all evil. Well this may be true. We all know that money is an important consideration in everything we do. Getting the money we need to take care of ourselves and our Families is a priority for all of us.

Many retired adults are living on a fixed income that is below the poverty levels for the United States. Because they cannot support themselves, they are forced to rely on their employed adult children to assist them. Right now it’s time to take action and plan for your future. This Valentine’s day, rather than spend those few extra dollars on chocolate and roses, why not give yourself and your loved one the gift of financial freedom by investing in a retirement plan? Not

sure where to start? Don’t worry, Financial Readiness staff is standing by ready to assist you with any questions and get you on the road to a successful retirement. Even better still, services are free! What are you waiting for? Call Financial Readiness today. Financial Readiness can be reached by calling 315-772-8526,0050,5059

Look Who’s On The Payroll!!!!! Congratulations to the following Employment Readiness clients who have recently landed a job!


Lockheed Martin


Northern Credit Union


Cornell Cooperative Extension

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ACS Green Press

February 2014

Stages of Deployment ...continued from page 1 Where can Families Find help? Army Community Service offers many resources to support our Soldiers and Families through the deployment cycle. From predeployment through redeployment we are here to support the wellbeing of the Soldiers and Families we serve. Below are a few of the resources we have to offer : 

with other people but also to learn about the Army, grow personal skills, lead others and become a volunteer instructor. All valuable skills in self development.

of the house and pass the time. Relocation Readiness also offers sewing classes, crafting classes and crochet classes. 

Mobilization and Deployment offers Predeployment briefs and fairs to provide information and guidance for smooth deployment preparations. The offer Reintegration briefs to help Families create realistic expectations and learn skills to deal with situations that often arrive. Master Resilience Training helps both Soldiers and Families develop skills to grow and thrive in the face of challenges and bounce back from adversity. Relocation Readiness offers Hearts Apart Spouse group for  spouses experiencing deployment. They understand that challenges begin before the Soldiers leave and continues after the reunion. Therefore they encourage spouses to join ninety days prior to their Soldier leaves and continue with the group for ninety days after homecoming. The group offers a chance to network with other  spouses dealing with deployment as well as social outings and activities to keep you busy, get you out

Family Advocacy offers many classes ranging from couples communication, stress and anger management, internet safety, to single parenting support groups and book clubs. If you have a new baby or are expecting one during deployment, they have a new parent support program to assist Families in much the same way you friends and Family would if you were back home. The registered nurses from the New Parent Support Program can do home visits to answer questions, address concerns in the privacy of your home. They also facilitate a playgroup so your children can play and you can get some grown up time with the other moms. The Army Volunteer Corps might be just the ticket if you need to keep busy while the time passes. There are many opportunities to volunteer both on and off post. Volunteering is also a great way to gain skills, network, and form friendships! Remember, it is important to stay active and not withdraw from other people. Army Family Team Building is another option for staying busy. The classes offered by the program not only provide an outlet to be

The Exceptional Family Member Program offers much needed support groups and respite care for Army Families enrolled in the program. Deployment can be especially hard on spouses caring for their special needs Family Member without support from their spouse.

If at any time during the deployment cycles you, your Soldier or children are feeling overwhelmed or just struggling to adjust, we have Military Family Life Consultants (MFLC’s) available to talk with. MFLC’s are Masters or Ph.D level licensed clinical counselors. MFLC’s address relationships, stress management, grief after loss, occupational and other individual and family issues as well as provide crisis intervention when needed. Just remember that Army Community Service offers resources and tools to help you not just survive deployment but to thrive during deployment. Deployment is an inevitable part of army life. It takes a special person to be an Army spouse. We are here to serve you and your Family in every way possible. Call 772-5665 for more information. Remember-”Think ACS First”

“The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them.” ~Bernard M. Baruch

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ACS Green Press

February 2014

Building Community: In the Spotlight Deni Kruger-a Personal Prospective So there’s thing #1: I’m part of a military Family.

When Army Community Service Outreach asked me to write a bio about myself, I cringed. A total ‘scrunch up your eyes please don’t ask me to’ cringe. Not because I can’t write a bio, but because I’m never quite sure what to say or how to say it. Words, I’ve learned, don’t usually come out the way I want them to. Nor do words represent what I mean. Sometimes, words simply aren’t available because most of the time I find there is no word that encompasses the craziness, frustration, loss, relief, and excitement that is inherent in military life.

Our Family consists of a husband, a wife, a daughter, a son and one neurotic, nail-chewing dog. For us, being a military Family means we’ve moved a lot, a lot, a lot! So much so, that in my bleary-eyed, hair sticking straight up as I race down the steps to meet the movers at the door at the crack of dawn moments, I blame my husband for all of the craziness, frustration, loss, relief, and excitement that as I already said is inherent in our life. So I find it necessary to keep my bleary -eyed, hair sticking straight up moments in check…to save my marriage. So I run. So there’s thing #2: I love running. There is nothing like the feel of my feet hitting the ground on a forest trail filled with sunshine, watching the world stand still while I move through it. Because sometimes, when I’m caught up in work and kids activities/ school and cleaning and cooking and laundry and homework and doctor appointments and, and, and…I need

something in my life to stand still. In that stillness, I practice putting words on paper; in stories, in plays and yes even in biographies that I cringe at writing, when asked by ACS. So there’s thing #3: I love writing. I love to write for kids and for teens. Not as much for adults. Not because I can’t write for adults, I just don’t have their same sensibilities. Posh I’d rather be Peter Pan than Wendy. In all fairness, I can see why knowing this might make you think to yourself, “I am thankful that I don’t live next to that bleary-eyed, sweaty running clothed, wild-haired lady who comes from nowhere. She is definitely crazy, frustrated, lost, relieved and excited most of the time!” To which, I would respond, exactly. That is me and it’s nice to meet you.

“Just become quiet, still, and solitary, and the world will offer itself to you to be unmasked; it has no choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” ~Dana Hawksister

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ACS Green Press

North Country Culture Shock

Welcome to the North Country! When arriving at Fort Drum you may experience some culture shock: driving in three feet of snow, designated horse and buggy parking at Walmart, blisters from hiking in the wrong boots, needing a New York Certification for employment, and realizing the need for an updated resume format to name a few. As Family members or service members, you realize it can be challenging relocating to a new location and that there are quite a few obstacles to overcome. Luckily, you don’t have to “go it alone.” The staff members of the Relocation Readiness Program (Relocation) and the Employment Readiness Program (ERP) at Army Community Service are your one stop shop for North Country relocation and employment issues. Often when people think of the North Country, they focus on the six months of snow, slippery roads and (gulp!) the great outdoors, but what they don’t know is all the wonderful opportunities that await them in the unknown. Tug Hill and the Adirondacks provide a plethora of skiing, snowshoeing and cross country skiing throughout the winter. Many of our local towns and villages host winter snow festivals, ice festivals and light festivals throughout the Holiday and winter season. Ice skating, ice palaces, snow forts and sledding are favored Family activities among our military Families. In all seasons, we have local wine tours, the

Thousand Islands boat tour on the St. Lawrence River, a variety of antique shops and many artisan craft and food specialty stores for you to enjoy. For those who are outdoor adventurers, there are many camping spots along the St. Lawrence River, in national parks, and in the heart of the Adirondack Mountains that provide swimming, hiking and fishing opportunities. Relocation has activities available for local Families, insight on the areas cultural highlights and practical information such as where the libraries, hospitals and malls are located. They have information on the best places to eat, bargain shop and receive military discounts in the surrounding area. If you are in need of temporary household items until your goods arrive, Relocation has a lending closet as well. They will provide you with relocation information, assist in locating housing information and organizing opportunities for you to become acclimated to the North Country and meet new friends as well.

February 2014

by Chrystie Bockus America, in Europe or Asia may not be desirable or accepted by the employers in the North Country and this can make it difficult to obtain an interview for employment. ERP will review your resume and offer suggestions that will make it more desirable to North Country employers. We can offer individual assistance for interview skills as well. Our primary goal is to streamline the job search process and create a partnership with our clients that make their job search successful.

To assist our relocated service members and their families, Relocation and ERP are presenting Culture Smart! Seminar on February 26th from 9:30 to 11:30AM. The Culture Smart! Seminar is designed to promote success in both your personal and professional life. Whether you are from Louisiana, Los Angeles or Germany-this class is designed to make your stay in the North Country as successful and Often when people arrive in the North enjoyable as possible. Learn what fun Country, they are uncertain which activities the North Country offers, websites to utilize when seeking the best shopping locations, view employment, which employers are resumes from other cultures and learn military friendly, what contracting to dress successfully for both your companies are available on post or professional and personal self as you where to seek information in their acclimate to your North Country certification area. ERP can provide you home. We will have refreshments and with job search information, a list of cuisine native to the North Country contracting companies on post, and give and give you an opportunity to meet you contact information to assist with both seasoned and military spouses your certification needs. In addition, we and Families experiencing Fort Drum have a weekly job bank that we update and the North Country for the first and email to interested clients. Another time as well. To register, call (315) issue surrounding our military Families, 772-6902 or (315) 772-2737. especially our spouses and dependents, is their resume. We have found that resume standards, formats and content differ by region and nation. A resume that is desirable on the West Coast in

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ACS Green Press

February 2014

Protecting our Children From Online Dangers see what they are doing. Limit the amount of time they can spend on the internet each day. (Experts say 2 hours or less a day.) I know one parent who brings the wireless router to work with him every day to ensure the kids cannot access the internet until he gets home.

As Facebook eases its privacy rules for teenagers, more and more parents are wondering how on earth we can protect our children from online dangers. Our teens have more opportunities and better access to the internet than ever before. They do not rely only on the home computer, but have access through libraries and schools, smart phones or IPods in their pockets and even friend’s devices. How do we keep them safe as they are exploring this brave new world? Keep the home computer in a public place, such as the living room or family room, where as parents we can

Don’t forget to utilize the parental controls on all of your child’s devices. This limits the sites your child can access online. There are some sites and Apps that allow anyone to send pictures and videos that will delete within a couple of minutes or even immediately after they are read. Once an account is created it is public and anyone can send any picture or video to any other user.

that all accounts must have parental approval before being added as a condition of keeping a device or access is also appropriate. Most importantly, talk to your kids about the internet, the dangers and risks; what is acceptable and what is not. If you see something that concerns you, discuss it with your teen. “What did you think about ‘Julie’s’ comment yesterday?” They are more likely to come to you with problems or concerns if they feel you will listen.

Don’t forget to model appropriate internet etiquette yourself. If you “friend” or follow your child, they can see what you post as well. Ensure that you are not posting anything inappropriate or stupid. A parent teaches far more with what they do than what they say. Visit If you allow your child to have a for more Facebook account, be sure to “friend” information on discussing internet him/her so you can see what is going on safety with your teen. there. Follow them on Twitter. If you By Michelle Hoffman do not know if your child has an Family Advocacy Program Educator account, do a search. Ensure that you Army Community Service have the passwords to all accounts (Facebook, email, Twitter, etc.) so you can do a more in depth check. A rule

Did You Know..?  

 

73% of teens (12-17) have profiles on social networking sites. 47% of teens (12-17) have uploaded photos; 14 % have posted videos. 1 in 3 teens (12-17) have experienced online harassment. Girls are more likely to be victims of cyberbullying (38% girls vs. 26% boys)

Lenhart A. Cyberbullying and Online Teens. Pew Internet and American Life Project, 2007. Lenhart A. Social Media and Young Adults. Pew Internet & American Life Project, 2010.

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February 2014

Army Community Service P4330 Conway Road Fort Drum, New York 13602 Army Emergency Relief

772-6560, 772-8873 or 772-2855

Army Family Team Building

772-6710, 772-9229

Army Volunteer Program Coordinator


Exceptional Family Member Program /104951319542718

772-5488, 772-0819, 772-0664

Employment Readiness Program

772-9611, 772-2737, 772-1090

Family Advocacy Program (New Parent Support Program) Sharp Victim Advocate

772-5914/6929 772-0748/4070 772-4244 772-8934/5605

Financial Readiness Program

772-0050, 772-5196, 772-8526

Information and Referral

772-6556, 772-6557

Military & Family Life Consultants


Mobilization and Deployment

772-2848, 772-0470, 772-2919


772-5374, 772-3456

Relocation Readiness 772-5475, 772-6553, 772-6902 http:// -Drum -Relocation -Readiness Program/171335822906429 772-6566 Soldier Family Assistance Center


Survivor Outreach Services


February 2014 acs green press