Just for Her Issue 11

ust Her J

ISSUE 11

for

Directory for the Wives, Girlfriends and Families of Military Personnel

A way to Remember

Christmas GIFT GUIDE h e Fe Win tick et s to T

st ive Gift Fa ir

IT TAKES

ALL

SORTS...

haunted

military barracks

H appy Po st is ba ck!

MISERY-PROOF D E P L OY M E N T

NORTH MILITARY CATCHMENT

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JustHer for

Welcome to issue 11 of Just for Her… Dare I say it, when it seems like only 5 minutes ago that we were sipping cocktails in the sun, here we are with the Christmas issue! After you've picked yourself up off the floor, at the mention of the C word, make sure you check out our A to Z of Surviving Christmas and don't miss out on a chance to win tickets to the Festive Gift Fair for presents you know will be adored!

Before you get swept up by Christmas however, don't forget there's Halloween first.

If you like getting spooked, you'll love our 'Haunted Military Barracks' article.

You didn't disappoint when we asked for your scary, real life stories!

This time of year can be difficult for military families, particularly if they've suffered the loss of a loved one. November 13th is Remembrance Sunday and we hear the tragic story of loss behind the amazing charity, Scotty's Little Soldiers.

On every 'patch' there are a number of different characters. Laugh out loud as you recognise a few of them in the hilarious 'It takes All Sorts'. If deployment is looming and it's all getting a bit too much then sit down, take a breath and read 'How to Misery-Proof Deployment'. When you've done that, forget about your troubles for 5 minutes and float away to days gone by with 'Cwtching to Keo'.

And lastly, HAPPY POST IS BACK! Spread a little festive cheer to your fellow military partners by getting involved in our parcel swapping project on page 4.

We hope you enjoy this issue and thank you for supporting us this year.

For anyone that would like to appear in the next issue, the closing date for contributions is 17th November 2016. However or wherever you're spending Christmas, have a good one and we'll see you again next year!

Happy Post is back!

4

Haunted Military Barracks

8

Domestic Violence

14

Looking After You Mental Well-Being

18

How to Misery-Proof Deployment

20

It Takes All Sorts

22

A Way to Remember

26

Your Charity Needs You

28

SSAFA 32 Shop the Highstreet

36

Business in a Box

44

The Festive Gift Fair

46

A to Z of Surviving Christmas

50

Christmas Gift Guide

56

The Clothes Show

64

Fashion Lookbook

66

Win a £30 New Look Voucher

73

Goldfinger 75 From Cwtching To Keo

78

Cities A to Z - Hamburg

80

Many thanks to Kate Saines for her editorial contribution

Until next time...

Enjoy!

Articles and photographs reproduced by kind permission of the contributors © No responsibility for the quality of goods or services advertised in this magazine can be accepted by the publishers or printers. Advertisements are included in good faith. The MOD or any Service Establishment is not responsible for the advertiser or its advertised product or service.

Forces & Corporate Publishing Ltd, Hamblin House, Hamblin Court, Rushden, Northants NN10 0RU. Tel: 01933 419994 www.forcespublishing.co.uk justforher@forcespublishing.co.uk @justforhermag Editorial: Joanna Barnes Design: Amy Leverton

3

Get Involved!

Happy Post

…A parcel swapping project for military wives and girlfriends. A care package for the ‘soldier at home’!

After the resounding success of our first ‘Happy Post’ project and with Christmas fast approaching, we thought we’d give it another go…!

H

appy Post is very simple: we pair you with a fellow military partner and you prepare them a box of things you love or that you think will cheer them up on a down day.You then pop it in the post, and feel great in the knowledge that you will brighten up someone’s day and the world becomes one stranger smaller. Who knows, you might even start a friendship. And if that isn’t enough, you then have the excitement of waiting to receive your own parcel!

Ideas to Inspire

• Something edible - maybe make it festive?! (check they haven’t listed any allergies!)

• Beauty products - nail polish, lip gloss...

• A little something about yourself • A book or DVD you’ve enjoyed.

• A Christmas craft - either something you’ve made or something for them to make.

• Something wintery - hot choc and marshmallows, bubble bath, Christmas socks?!

• A Christmas bauble 4

Postage Costs Please bear in mind that the heavier the items, the more the postage will cost.You don’t want to get to the Post Office to be told it will be £36.73 to post your parcel and have to stand there emptying your lovingly wrapped gifts out! If you keep it less than 2kg, and post it 2nd class, you shouldn’t have to pay more than £5. Please note that international prices will be considerably more and therefore please tell us if you wish to be matched with a UK resident only.

Box Cost

We suggest a spend of no more than £10 per box. Of course, you’re very welcome to go over or under - you might hand-make your box and spend nothing for all we know! - but please only spend what you can afford.

How to Get Involved

If you wish to take part, please sign up via our website www.justforhermilitarymag.co.uk or send us an email to justforher@forcespublishing.co.uk with the subject Happy Post.You will need to include your name and address which will be given to your allocated partner, as well as any allergies you have in case of food items being sent.

Timeline The only complaint we received the first time around was that some participants had to wait a very long time to receive their parcel. We know everyone is busy but please try and send your parcel within 2 weeks! There’s nothing worse than posting your parcel off to a lucky military partner to then wait eagerly for a parcel that, after 6 weeks of waiting, seems like it will never arrive...

We will be doing this again so don’t worry if you’re too busy to sign up this time!

Disclaimer We hope that everyone that chooses to get involved with the Happy Post project will do so properly but please note that although we are hosting this project and allocating partners, unfortunately we cannot be held responsible if you do not receive a parcel.

Happy Post Timeline…

6.11.16 - Sign Up Deadline.

11.11.16 - You will receive an email

from us with the details of your recipient. If you do not receive this by 11th, please get in tou ch.

25.11.16 - Please post your pa rcels by this date.

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NORTH MILITARY CATCHMENT

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haunted

military barracks

Ghost sightings, whether you think they’re the result of over-active imaginations or swear that things really do go bump in the night, we all love a good ghostly tale near Halloween! We’ve been researching the top haunted military locations in the UK, and they’re sure to send a shiver up your spine!

image: www.davidbakerphotography.com 8

Mill Street Barracks

Mill Street Barracks Mill Street Barracks in Liverpool was built in 1861, and has a rich military history. Throughout the years it has housed many branches of the armed forces, and with it once being used as an isolation unit for TB sufferers and it’s cellars being used as morgues during world wars it is unsurprising that this place is now home to many spirits! Tunnels from the barracks lead to a grade 2 listed church situated behind it, and it is said that apparitions of nuns, clergymen and nurses often appear to be getting on with their daily chores, unaware of being watched before vanishing into thin air! A three-legged black dog has been sighted by numerous investigators, and many people report hearing barks, howling and growls. A weeping girl has been heard many times but little is known about her history. Mill Street Barracks is a favourite spot for paranormal nights, and is said to be one of the most haunted locations in the UK with at least ten regularly sighted spirits. On one such investigation, someone is said to have been taking part in a séance and when it was over and the lights were turned back on their hands covered in what looked like blood with no reasonable explanation as to whose it was or how it got there. People travel from up and down the country to spend the evening holding vigils and attempting to connect with those who have passed over. Sightings of lost soldiers wandering the halls are common, a cheeky ghost named Old Jack with wandering hands who likes to interact with the ladies, and more worryingly an angry malevolent spirit who haunts the highest rooms of the accommodation block who has apparently succeeded in pushing people into walls and attempting to knock people down the stairs! Paranormal nights are held on a regular basis and details of how to go to one can be found online… would you dare go experience it for yourself?!

crew came to film a piece on haunted places. After they set up their equipment, they panned the camera around to take a shot of the inside of the Chapel, however, as soon as the camera reached the pulpit all the equipment cut out and stopped working with no explanation, as soon as they got past the pulpit it flicked back on again. This happened over and over, from all angles, until eventually they had to give up!

Long before the Barracks were built, a Roman road dating back 2000 years ran through the site it was built on. As you probably know, all Roman roads are dead straight, so when the barracks were built over it they had to divert the road and put a kink in it. It is said that on stormy nights it is not so unusual to glimpse a ghostly squad of Roman soldiers following the original path and walking straight through the barracks… and due to the ground level rising over the last 2000 years if you DO spot them, you can now only see them from the waist up! Spooky!

Fulwood Barracks, Lancashire Fulwood Barracks in Preston, Lancashire was built between 1842 and 1846. In 1861 an unfortunate incident took place when Private Patrick McCaffery shot both the Commanding Officer and the Adjutant of the base; he was hanged for the offence. Many generations of soldiers believe he has haunted the barracks ever since, and any unexplained event or noise is quickly attributed to him, although sceptics highly question this considering there is evidence to say he was in fact executed many miles away on the scaffold at Kirkdale Gaol in Liverpool.

In the Garrison Chapel of St Alban, above the archway at the entrance to the Barracks, is the second oldest chapel still in use in the British Army. For many years it was lovingly cleaned and maintained by a group of volunteer ladies who were absolutely convinced that it was inhabited by a friendly, if sometimes mischievous, presence. Cleaning materials would mysteriously move around the place overnight, and there is at least one story of a brass pot flying across the Chapel without any apparent means of propulsion, and bearing ever afterwards the dent to prove it. Once, when showing visitors around, the curator of the Museum was asked by one guest whether the place was haunted. Recounting the story from the cleaning ladies, when he had finished another of the guests said “I can confirm that, I’m psychic and I can see something standing behind you right now.” She was looking at the pulpit, which was precisely where the cleaning ladies said most of the activity happened! In another instance a few years later, a television

Manchester University Sports Hall What is now the Manchester University Sports Hall used to be the barracks of the old Manchester regiment. In an old section of the building which once used to house the offices (the glass panelling is still inscribed with “Adjutants Office” & “Commanding Officer”etc), the corridor leading to them is rumoured to be haunted. On more than one occasion locked offices have been completely trashed, with no sign of any break ins and nothing stolen when police have been called. The old caretaker’s dog refused point blank to enter the corridor and paranormal investigators have confirmed that there is a very malevolent spirit residing there.

Originally the caretaker thought that it was a load of old tosh, until one night when locking up alone he heard heavy footsteps follow him through the corridor and an ice cold hand grab his shoulder making him jump, thinking it was someone playing a trick he turned around, to be very surprised that there was no one there! He never locked up alone again!

Cambridge Military Hospital, Aldershot Cambridge Military Hospital was built and opened in 1879.

The hospital does not have any associations with the town of Cambridge, as its name would suggest. Cambridge Military Hospital was actually named after Prince George, Duke of Cambridge who was the Commander-in-Chief of the British Army 9

at the time. During the First World War, it was the first hospital to receive casualties directly from the Western Front, and was used exclusively for soldiers up until the end of the Second World War, it was also the first hospital in the UK to perform plastic surgery. The hospital officially closed its doors to patients in 1996, due to the high running costs of such an old building and the fact that asbestos was discovered in the walls.

Up until then, the story of the Grey Lady Ghost had been shared for decades and sightings of her were a regular occurrence.

The real name of the Grey Lady Ghost is not known.

However it is thought that she was a member of the Queen Alexandra’s Royal Army Nursing Corps. The QA nurse, thought to be a Sister, had given a patient an accidental drug overdose and the soldier died as a result of her error. The nurse was so distraught with guilt that she committed suicide by throwing herself off the upper floor walkway. It is said that the Grey Lady haunted the upper floors between wards 10 & 14.

Nurses would often take the stairs and walk between wards 1 and 7 to avoid seeing her, and wards 10 – 14 were always cold, no matter how high the heating was turned up. Sightings of the Grey Lady were always at night, and often accompanied by the smell of lavender.

The Grey Lady would often appear to sit beside the very sick patients who would die a few hours later.

Many believed that she was there to help them pass over and provide comfort, or to assist the nursing staff who were there to care for them. One such case was reported in 1983, a gentleman on ward 12 who was very ill could not sleep very well and kept drifting in and out of consciousness. At around 2 am, propped up on pillows he awoke to see a nurse standing a few beds down. He called out to her for another blanket as he was suddenly cold, she turned to look at him and he recalled how he could see her face but no real defined features, but put this down to his tiredness and not being able to focus properly. He remembers thinking how unusual and out of place her uniform seemed to be but decided she must just be a specially trained nurse or sister. She stayed by the bed a few down from his for a while, and then left. In the morning, when the day nurse came round handing out washing bowls and breakfast, he asked her about the night nurse and why she had a different uniform. The day nurse turned white and exclaimed “The Grey Lady! You’ve seen the Grey Lady!” She then went on, somewhat inconsiderately, to tell him how the Grey Lady only appears to patients who are going to die. He dismissed this as nonsense, being a sceptic, and said that if that was true how would anyone ever be able to say she’d been there? The twist of the story is though, that when the day nurse got to the bed he had seen the Grey Lady standing at, the gentleman there had died during the night.

Now that the hospital is closed, sightings of the Grey Lady are no longer reported, although the MOD Police who are in charge of patrolling the area to deter vandals and urban explorers all talk of uneasy feelings when walking through that part of the hospital!

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your

. . stories Carla, from Worthy Down

“We had a house on Rees Road, and had a few incidents living there. The stairs were enclosed in between the front room and kitchen. Every time I walked past I sensed someone up there, so would always look up. One day I thought my daughter was messing around and running from her bedroom to mine as I saw someone run across the landing. I checked my room and it was empty, I checked my daughters and she was sound asleep in her bed. My daughter has always played in her bedroom in any married quarters we have lived in but in this particular house, she would not go upstairs alone. She didn’t say why, she just wouldn’t.

My mum stayed one evening, and the loft hatch was directly outside my daughters bedroom door. When opened, the hatch would swing down very low, low enough to hit you if you happened to be under it. When leaving my daughters room my mum pulled her bedroom door open but luckily stopped for a second, because the hatch opened and dropped down right in front of her. We thought maybe it hadn’t been closed properly, my husband had a fiddle with it but there was no way you couldn’t have closed it properly without it opening straight away.

We then sadly lost our cat, poppy, in a road accident. I was having a bath one evening, and when I got out, in the steam on the mirror were the words ‘Poppy Is In Hell’. We’d had people over at the weekend and I asked everyone if they had done it, and they all denied it which I believe as it was my daughters cat and everyone said they wouldn’t have done it in case she saw. A few days later there was another message saying ‘I love Abi’.

One evening my husband and I were laying in bed, when I saw him put the light on his phone. He then shouted ‘F*** off!’. I thought he was dreaming, so I asked him about it the next day. We always sleep with our doors closed, including my daughter, and he said that the bedroom door was slowly opening. Thinking our daughter had got up, he laid there waiting. The door carried on slowly opening so he got up to see if she was ok as he could see her in the doorway.

She wasn’t there, so he went to check her room and she was fast asleep. When he got back into bed, he said it started opening again and when he shone his light over there was a girl in the doorway with long hair peering round – that’s when he shouted. He said he’d never felt so worried in his life and was really spooked.

Things in that house wouldn’t be where we left them, things would fall off units when there was no possible way they could have.

The dog would just sit staring and barking at nothing. It felt like a weight had been lifted when we moved!”

Rebekah, from Pirbright

“One night, myself and my husband were laying in bed when he kept hearing this noise, it sounded like someone was hitting our babies cot. Naturally we assumed it was her so I went in to check on her and she was fast asleep and hadn’t moved from the position I had put her in. Anyway, 15 minutes later she woke for a bottle so my husband went to feed her and I stayed in bed. 5 minutes later I heard a noise that I cannot get out of my head. It was like a man exhaling really loudly, it sounded like death if I’m honest. I sat up, really freaked out , and it went quiet so I lay back down and as my head hit the pillow, it happened again. I managed to fall asleep but when I came downstairs the next day all of the sofa cushions were on the floor and one of my canvases had been turned upside down.

I have a dream recorder on my phone which I turned on so I know it wasn’t my husband sleep walking.”

Heather Levy, from Marchwood

“I have had a few things happen in my married quarter in Marchwood. I usually get moving shadows, items being moved, lights being switched off, footstep noises coming up the stairs & across the landing when no one is there and cold spots. Most of this I think I can explain – house cooling down, trick of the light etc, but there are a couple of things I cannot. One of them happened in the kitchen around a year ago.

My husband was on deployment and my 2 children were upstairs asleep. I was alone in the living room when I heard a click and a light thump from the kitchen, which was not a normal sound for the house. I went into the kitchen to find that my washing machine had been opened and my freshly washed washing had been pulled out and left across the floor.

As I know for a fact my children were upstairs asleep, and I was the only one downstairs, I cannot find a reason for this. Spooked the hell out of me on that occasion.”

John Colenutt, Psychic Medium from Catterick

(You can visit Johns Facebook Page – John, Psychic Medium) “On arriving at Belton Park in the late evening, we walked to an area to the rear of the estate, where apparently the infectious ward building stood. During the 2nd world war, the military hospital stood on the site which is now Belton Park.

Immediately, we became aware of spirit people being present, and some of the guests were touched by unseen hands! The smell of disinfectant became very strong, as was the smell of used bandages and stale blood. By this time some of the guests started to feel unwell, and as part of our investigations, anyone who feels ill, is taken away from the site, by myself. The guests were fine after a few minutes, but decided to leave the investigation; I always make sure everyone is ok before they leave.

We then saw around 5 or 6 spirit soldiers from WW2, standing along the treeline. By this time, people weren’t sure how to react, so I suggested that we left that particular area and move to another part of Belton Park. This is a very brief account of the events that occurred that night and how people that might have been complete non believers in the paranormal and ghosts, sooncontinues changed over their page minds>> !”

11

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NORTH MILITARY CATCHMENT

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Hannah* remembers the exact moment she realised she may have been in an abusive relationship. It wasn’t the behaviour of her partner that gave her the jolt, it was the look on the face of someone else – an innocent bystander. They were horrified.

In an attempt to make amends with her best friend, she invited her for an evening out after work. Hannah didn’t know why, but she decided to keep this from Dave. In fact, she even went as far as to ask her boss if she could leave 15 minutes early. “I think, somewhere inside, I knew Dave wouldn’t let me go. I knew, if he met me from work, he would make excuses or try and come with us. But I didn’t really think the consequences through properly.”

Hannah had no bruises, cuts or broken bones when the realisation that things weren’t normal struck her. In fact, she believed she was in a loving, caring relationship.You see, Dave*, was utterly devoted.

He would write her songs, organise surprise romantic trips and, unlike her girlfriends who often moaned their partners didn’t give them enough attention, Hannah was showered in gifts, compliments and attention.

Dave turned up at Hannah’s work place to find she wasn’t there, so he went to find her. And it didn’t take long to track her down to the bus stop. “I was still waiting for the bus when he arrived and he was furious. He yelled at me for lying to him, called me a ‘slut’ and accused me of having an affair.

It was like a fairy tale. Dave began meeting her from work every day, often whisking her away to a new bar, or a fashionable restaurant. Or he would spend hours preparing her romantic meals. He would arrange mini-breaks at weekends, book tickets for concerts, shows and exhibitions. There were occasions when Hannah had to cancel long-standing plans with friends because, when Dave discovered she had arranged a date with friends, he would reveal he already had big plans which couldn’t be cancelled.

Hannah was being treated like a queen, but something was niggling away at her. Something didn’t feel quite right. She hadn’t seen her friends for months. They had stopped calling and messaging her and she had barely spoken to her mum, either.

14

“Looking back, his actions were laughable. I was clearly just going out with my best friend. But he made me feel bad for having to go behind his back and I actually apologised to him. There was another lady standing at the bus stop. And when Dave started yelling at me to come home I could see her actually looking horrified. It was the look on her face that made me realise things were not right.”

Hannah realised she was no longer doing things she wanted, she had no freedom. She was walking a very fine line to keep Dave happy. And although she had not been physically hurt, her life was being controlled. She was unable to do something as normal as meet a friend without feeling guilty. Controlling behaviour, such as this, as well as verbal abuse are as much a hallmark of an abuser as physical violence.

According to Detective Chief Inspector Tim Rowlandson of Hampshire Constabulary, domestic abuse comes in many forms and no two relationships are the same. “For some, being a victim means living in fear of regular physical or sexual abuse,” he explained. “For others it means walking on eggshells, never knowing when the next torrent of abuse will come from. Both are damaging and can ultimately lead to murder or suicide for those involved.”

Crucially, DCI Rowlandson explained, abusive partners are often experts at controlling their victims and this can make it almost impossible for the victim to leave the relationship. This was true for Hannah. Despite the incident at the bus stop, she didn’t leave Dave. He ran off in an emotional rage leaving a concerned Hannah, fearful of what he might do, with no choice but to run after him. He cried, and begged Hannah’s forgiveness, blaming the death of a distant relative for his behaviour. Hannah forgave him, and put the incident behind her. But similar events kept happening. And, two months later Dave hit Hannah.

Hannah believed getting as far away from Dave and into a safe environment was more important. “I occasionally got texts from him for a couple of years after we split up” Hannah said. Nothing too serious, just friendly, jokey texts. As if nothing had happened. I ignored them. Now I hear nothing, thank goodness.”

“Abusive partners are often experts at controlling their victims to such an extent that it is nearly impossible for them to leave.

They need a lot of unconditional support and friendship to help them see there is another way.”

The physical attack was the final straw for Hannah and she left Dave. She discovered he had been seeing another woman and, although it meant giving up her job and moving back to her home town hundreds of miles away,

Although Hannah escaped, many women do not.

DCI Rowlandson said: “Abusive partners are often experts at controlling their victims to such an extent that it is nearly impossible for them to leave. They need a lot of unconditional support and friendship to help them see there is another way.” He added: “It is also common for victims who have escaped abuse to enter into another abusive relationship afterwards. This doesn’t mean they like the abuse or want it to happen, it means they’ve been so emotionally hurt during their previous relationship they’ve forgotten what being truly loved looks and feels like.”

The statistics on domestic violence show that one in every four women and one in every seven (some studies say six) men will be a victim of domestic abuse at some point in their life. DCI Rowlandson said: “Those figures are huge and probably play down the true picture as many more victims don’t feel able to talk about their abuse yet.” Being in the armed forces is no protection either. He added: “It’s also 15

important to note that police and military families are not immune.

Body armour does not protect you from the emotional and psychological harm that having every aspect of your life controlled can cause.”

Indeed, in Hampshire an organisation has been set up specifically to support men and women who are victims of abuse in the armed forces. The North East Hampshire Domestic Abuse Forum exists to bring together representatives from all the agencies who work with people affected by domestic violence and abuse in the Rushmoor and Hart districts of Hampshire, which includes Aldershot Garrison and RAF Odiham. Although there is no evidence to suggest domestic abuse is more prevalent in armed forces communities, the unique circumstances serving members and their families are in can create stresses not experienced in civilian society.

“The forces way of life may sometimes place additional pressure on families,” said Rebecca Wilson, project co-ordinator for the Armed Forces Domestic Abuse Toolkit. “Victims can become isolated from their families and support systems.” What’s more, research shows people between the ages of 20 and 40 are at the highest risk of experiencing domestic abuse and this age range is strongly represented in the armed forces.

The fact that many spouses cannot maintain their own careers is also added pressure because they become more dependent on the serving partner.

And then there are the stresses and strains of deployment and reunions.

“It may be that there’s more happening than they are ready to talk about. It might also be that they want to leave the relationship, but don’t know how or are afraid of not having anywhere to go, any money to live off or of what will happen to the children.”

This is where the website can be helpful. It can pinpoint users to advice specific to their situation. Members of the armed forces who are affected by domestic abuse might have issues, for example, around accommodation, impact on Visas and the reality of leaving the military community. There is a whole section on the website dealing with these concerns. What’s more, there’s information for people living overseas and case studies explaining how victims and perpetrators of domestic abuse were actively supported by welfare providers.

“Domestic abuse is not right, sufferers are not alone, it is more common than people think and trained professionals are available to help victims, perpetrators and children. Help is available.’’

The other problem in military communities was that there appeared to be confusion about where to get support.

A survey conducted by the forum discovered 30% of people in the armed forces community did not know where to go to seek help for domestic abuse. The organisation’s chair, Karen Evans, had been working closely with the armed forces for a number of years and recognised that it could be difficult for victims of domestic abuse, who are part of the military, to seek help. She made a bid for funding and created a gov.uk website, www.gov.uk/mod/ domestic-abuse-support-for-the-armed-forces, to provide advice to armed forces victims both nationally and posted overseas. As well as helping victims and perpetrators of domestic abuse get the support they need, and to help them make informed decisions, it also aims to provide information to the wider community such as the chain of command and military and civilian support providers. Ultimately, its aim is to spread the very simple message that domestic abuse is not right, sufferers are not alone, it is more common than people think and trained professionals are available to help victims, perpetrators and children. Help is available.

Rebecca, who works with Karen, said the other message that they aimed to convey was that anyone could be a victim. “It can affect anyone regardless of background, social class, sexuality, religion, culture and it also transcends military status such as rank.” And, she added: “Male and LGBT victims must not be overlooked”.

So what if you know someone who you think might be a victim of abuse? DCI Rowlandson said: “If you think someone you care about or know might be a victim of domestic abuse the most important thing is to be there for them without judging them.

16

Sometimes it might seem like a victim of abuse isn’t helping themselves and that can feel frustrating, but the only person who really knows what’s going on is them.

If you are reading this and believe you might be a victim of domestic abuse, the advice is to get help – because there is lots of help out there. Rebecca said: “Military support workers (Royal Navy Royal Marines Welfare, Army Welfare Service, RAF SSAFA Support) are very experienced and regularly work closely with victims and perpetrators of domestic abuse. “If a victim is worried about approaching these organisations they can always access local civilian support services. If they are struggling to access these services the police and NHS staff - including GP - can signpost them.” DCI Rowlandson added: “You’re not alone, you’re not weak and it’s not your fault. Please tell someone what’s going on, even if you don’t want the police involved. There are lots of brilliant agencies and charities which can help keep you safe and support you to leave the relationship if you’re ready for that.” *Names changed For more information visit www.gov.uk/mod/ domestic-abuse-support-for-the-armed-forces You can also contact your specialist military welfare provider for confidential support and advice: Royal Navy Royal Marines Welfare: http://www.royalnavy. mod.uk/welfare/find-help Army Welfare Service (AWS) provides specialist welfare support to serving soldiers and their families. Staff can be contacted from 8:30am – 4:30pm UK local time during the working day.

Tel: 94 777 3053 or +44 (0)1904 882053.

E-Mail: AWS-HQ-IAT@mod.uk RAF SSAFA Personal Support and Social Work Service: https://www.ssafa.org.uk/help-you/currently-serving/ personal-support-and-social-work-service-raf Support is also available through the following national support groups: Female victims – Women’s Aid: http://www.womensaid. org.uk/ Male victims – Mankind Initiative: http://www. mankind.org.uk/ Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender relationships – Broken Rainbow: http://www.brokenrainbow.org.uk/ Support for male and female perpetrators - Respect: http:// respect.uk.net/

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ake a moment to reflect on how you look after yourself. What would you say if asked: what do you do to take care of yourself? Many would talk about physical exercise, sharing how they go to the gym, take classes, maybe even have a personal trainer. Others may talk about diet and nutrition, eating more healthily, watching calories and wanting to lose weight.

What about your mental well being? I asked someone this morning and they said “it’s just the way you think”. It had never occurred to them that there were things they could do to build resilience and be better able to recover from the setbacks life will deal to us all. Major setbacks such as bereavement, redundancy, relationship breakdowns, divorce, accidents and serious illness but also the feeling that we have too much on and may be just getting by, struggling or even just existing rather than living our life. We are neither our thought nor our emotions. We cannot control these, but attaching and following negative and unhelpful thoughts and emotions will drain us. Acknowledging them and then taking our attention elsewhere allows them to pass rather than overwhelming us.

aware of your surrounding and what you are feeling. Allow yourself to experience and acknowledge positive and nourishing emotions.

• Connect with others at home, work, in your local community and people you encounter in passing. Even a brief hello and thank you to a stranger will enrich your life as you connect with others.

• Be active and build an activity you enjoy into your life walk, cycle, dance, play a sport - whatever you enjoy. Making a commitment to others in a team or class can strengthen commitment when the going gets tough.

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• Give to others. We tend to think of giving as material, especially money, but we can also give our time, our talents or something as simple as a smile and a thank you. Giving is not only rewarding, but benefits others.

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What actions can we take to manage our mental well being?

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Photographer: Karolina Sokolowska, Model: Charlie Gomes, Makeup Artist: Helen Johnston

How to Misery-Proof Deployment:

A Girl’s Survival Guide

D

By Helen Johnston

eployment. Eugh deployment. The word tastes horrible. Bitter and chewy.Very little thought seems to be given to those left waiting at home, even by ourselves. The worry, the preparation, the training, the danger… somehow, we forget that we need to spare a thought as to how we are going to survive the next 6 months. It would be so easy to hide from it all until it’s over, become hairy (why wax?) and be a hermit until it’s all over and normality returns. I think it is far too easy for us to lose track of how time gets poured into this military life, but 6 months is half of a year, a twentieth of a decade, and it isn’t healthy to spend the time alone wishing the days away. Easier said than done, I know.

So, with that in mind, I have put together a few ideas for you. I am not arguing that there won’t be hermit days, and there will most definitely be hairy days (ahem, weeks… potentially months) but experience has taught me that the happiest military partners are the ones who learn to build their own lives, which does take time…

And this is coming from a woman who once hid her partner’s keys and passport in the loft in an effort to prevent him getting on that flight. But I am about to go through it all again, and short of swallowing his keys I am all out of hiding places, so I thought I would write down what got me through it, and ask the wonderful women who have joined me in dealing with deployment, what keeps them going.

1. Women.

Womb Buddies. The Vagina Club. Do not underestimate the power of a kindred female spirit. This is not intended to be sexist, and 20

should not be taken as such, my other half got me an iron for our first anniversary, an iron. I like to think that the furious diatribe that followed was a witty yet informative feminist one, not quite with the commitment of Emmeline Pankhurst, but I suspect Caitlin Moran would have offered me an approving nod, had she been sat in the corner of my bedroom. Of course, as it turned out he was full of good intentions as opposed to a desire to banish me to the kitchen forever more having been stuck for a present idea and then noticed that I had put ‘new iron’ on the top of my shopping list, I offered a muffled apology… but it was the apology of a feminist all the same. Many of my closest friends are men, but women understand women. We connect. There is an unspoken (for the most part) loyalty and devotion, set in stone by mutual monthly torture from our ovaries and talks of screaming through the horrors of labour. I did not scream. Well, I screamed at first, but when met with a very matron-style midwife snapping ‘there’s no need to shout’ at me while I was pushing a frickin’ human being out of a very reluctant area, I spent the rest of the process in silence, sulking and throwing resentful looks her way. Starting motherhood as I meant to go on: conflicted between furious resentment and great appreciation – she had the drugs.

I asked the ladies who are in the same situation, kissing their loved ones goodbye for long periods for a good cause, and the most popular responses time and time again, were ‘wine and girls nights!’

As Victoria said, ‘Where would you be without your girls?’ Some of my darkest times during deployment (and indeed, life) have been lightened significantly by my friend Nadia receiving a miserable text from me resulting in her crashing through my front door

armed with goodies including fake tan, a listening ear, a filthy sense of humour and a bottle of wine for good measure – I forget whether she was wearing a cape, but in my mind, she may as well have been.

2. Children.

would have the same advantages, or starting a business for yourself – I gave up the idea of having a normal job around the military, so a couple of years ago I decided to become a self-employed Makeup Artist and now work full-time when the children are at school. I meet amazing people through my job, and the women I have as clients help me to feel confident and stay focused as much as I help them.

This, of course, only really applies if you are a mum. Our children are the most exasperating, exhausting, mischievous creations, but they are our beautiful, fascinating creations. Whether by blood or adoption, 7. Social Networking they are a product of their daily interactions, of the home where they It sounds strange, but Facebook can be good for the soul. We all know grow up, therefore quality time with them is quality time with your that you can sit down with your laptop to glance through your news partner. When I watch my little son, I see him make his breakfast feed for 5 minutes and before you know it you realise it’s bedtime and exactly the same as my partner (even leaving the milk out, just like you have spent the last 4 hours giggling at your screen and having a him), and poking my bum cheek absentmindedly as gossip. Embrace it. On an evening you are missing him, “I am a firm he leaves the kitchen, exactly the same as my partner. may I suggest posting a wildly controversial political When I listen to my preteen daughter, I hear so many status? Grab some popcorn, sit back and allow your believer that good of my partner’s views that he could be in the room with communication can friends to entertain you before contributing with a me… and I disagree with most of them, whether they ‘lol, jokes’, logging off and going to bed. Slightly awful, make any situation come from his mouth or hers, but hearing them voiced highly entertaining. easier, so explain to makes me smile at my own annoyance, and miss him in a good way. Remember, this time apart will be difficult them that deployment 8. Keep Busy! is a stressful time. for them, too. Aimee, who’s husband serves in the Royal The easiest thing in the world to do is to spend all of Marines, suggested keeping a diary with the children to Tell them whether you your free time curled up on the sofa in a duvet with the send the absent parent, full of pictures and quotes, and want to talk about it or two men who will bring you the most pleasure in life: getting them involved in the welfare boxes. Children just get on with it and Ben & Jerry. Now these men are faithful, extremely also have a magnificent way of reminding even the most attractive, even addictive, and bad for you but in all ignore it, so that they’re the right ways… but I spent a couple of years with stubbornly pessimistic adult not to take life so seriously, not always walking on depression. I just wanted to sleep, to disconnect myself which is rather handy. eggshells around you.” from the world. But all of those annoying articles, friends, family members, even doctors telling you that 3. Netflix (also books and audiobooks… but still, you would feel better if you got out and kept busy? I’m sorry to tell NETFLIX!) you, but they’re right. Don’t shoot the messenger!

I honestly do not know how I survived in a military relationship without Netflix. This may be in stark contrast to my advice regarding turning into a hermit not being a valid lifestyle choice, but some time 9. Preparation alone, enjoying your own company, is very healthy. What better way to Now, by this, I do not mean marking the days on a calendar until his spend that time than gorging on a little (ahem… six seasons of Suits in homecoming, or downloading a countdown app on your iphone. What a fortnight…) Harvey Specter action?

I do mean is: be practical. Ensure you have everything that you need N.B Apparently the same therapy works for family too, good ol’ Mr to survive on a practical level sorted out so that there is no last minute Specter has seen my mother-in-law through some difficult days too. panic and your last few days together can be spent enjoying each other.

Write out contacts, ensure you are signed up with AA, make sure all of the bills are set up to be paid by Direct Debit. Hayley recommended 4. Planning signing up to Milk and More so that you can order essentials straight This is a big one: looking forward! Planning romantic breaks, family to your door if you have forgotten them and the kids have gone to days out, tasty dinners and even disgustingly odd cereal combinations bed. ‘Then make sure you have the phone numbers of reliable washing that you are going to try when you are together again is a brilliant way machine/ dishwasher/ tumble drier engineers, because those things to stay positive. Even planning things that are fairly unlikely to happen always break a week or two after they go!’ keeps morale up, we often plan our celebrity dinner party, which is completely pointless as we always settle on inviting Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington… but our food choices vary, so 10. Talk to your friends and family perhaps not completely pointless.

Whether you have been living the military lifestyle for one year or ten, talking helps. I am a firm believer that good communication can make any situation easier, so explain to them that deployment is a stressful 5. Sex time. Tell them whether you want to talk about it or just get on with Obviously you will be going quite some time without any actual it and ignore it, so that they’re not always walking on eggshells around physical contact, but ladies, this is what Ann Summers parties were you. I get very snappy when I am stressed and worried, and it took me made for… ages to realise it. My parents used to worry that I just didn’t want to spend time with them, but having explained they now just bundle me 6. Work off for a cinnamon bun, hot chocolate and a good natter. Deployment Danielle said ‘Work. Work Work Work. Work is my thing. Nine years is a normal part of life for us, however rubbish, but some of the people since we got the draft here, and my job is my thing. It’s my safety around you won’t know how to act or what to do to help. net, where I’m not mummy, or wife, I’m just me.’ She then went on to point out that the friends she had made there were not women The most important thing is to remember to look after yourself, she had met through her husband’s job, they weren’t dealing with to stay positive, to do things for you. If you are happy, your partner deployments, but what they are, is friends for life. Then there’s Mariya, will feel better. If you are healthy, your children will be inspired and who made me snort my coffee out of my nose when she declared two comforted by you. Then for those difficult days? There is always words for surviving deployment: Candy Crush. Obviously, a lot of us chocolate. have family commitments which prevent us from working, so a hobby 21

IT TAKES

ALL

SORTS...

It takes all sorts to be a military spouse.

We take a light-hearted look at some of the larger-than-life characters who can sometimes pop up in military life…

THE STATUS SEEKER This woman is not interested in your personality, your job, your family, your interests, your favourite book or even your ability to gargle the theme to The Great Escape with a pint of cider. No, all the Status Seeker wants to know before she decides if you are a suitable friend is what your husband does. Or, more specifically, his rank.You could be rich, famous and successful in your own right…

You could be Beyonce. If your partner isn’t commissioned, you are never going to be her BFF or even a vague acquaintance. So you may as well just go on your merry way.

How to spot her: She’s the brisk, no nonsense one, probably wearing her husband’s medals.

What to say to her: I am an officer’s wife and can get you tickets to the ball.

What not to say to her: Have you heard my version the Great Escape? Pass the Kopparberg…

22

THE INDIVIDUALIST Here we have the complete opposite of the Status Seeker. The Individualist is not interested in your partner. In fact, she goes out of her way to completely avoid speaking about him or acknowledging his existence. Her life’s work revolves around not being an appendage of her husband. So fed up is The Individualist of being asked her husband’s job, rank and how he likes his steak cooked she’s rebelled from the Betty Draper-esque drudgery of housework, childcare and searching for the perfect ballgown and focussed her energy on… herself! She loves her job, is in training for the Great North Run and has made her own bespoke radiator covers to hide the monstrosities that pass as heating systems in married quarters. If anyone asks what her husband does for a living, she either storms off in a huff or tells them he works in a factory making clown’s shoes.

How to spot her: You won’t… she keeps her head down, and takes every opportunity to travel as far away as possible.

How to befriend her: Tell her about your job, hobbies, academic achievements or favourite book. It might help if you can solve her childcare problems too… Just don’t, under any circumstances, mention your partners. Or the Army/Navy/RAF. Don’t say: Have you got your outfit for the ball?

“Bustling around base

MRS MILITARY This woman is married to her husband and the military – and it’s quite obvious her husband comes a very firm second to the armed forces. This woman loves military life. Not only does she love it, she lives it to the full. Whilst most of us are trying, desperately, to establish a semblance of our own independence and salvage an iota of our former selves (which we are sure existed before we wed a soldier) Mrs Military is reading up on military history and building an assault course in her garden. She refers to you only by your surname, or an obscure nickname which only she seems to find amusing and she gives every activity a codename. “Operation Stock Replenish” is grocery shopping. “Operation Bin Bag” – putting the rubbish out.You get the picture. When not polishing her husband’s shoes she is planning – with military meticulousness - a secret operation to dig a hole directly from basecamp to her children’s school to avoid unnecessary waits at traffic lights during the school run.

How to spot her: She’s wearing camouflage gear and spending rather too much time bidding for scramble nets on eBay. How to befriend her: Wear khaki, stake her out and call her Captain.

Don’t ask her: What she means by “Operation Colonic”.

QUEEN BEE You’ll find Queen Bees in all walks of life, and the world of military spouses is no exception. She’s the confident, popular one who constantly has a cortege of WAGs swarming around her. Bustling around base with a sense of purpose, she knows everything and everyone and not a smidgeon of gossip goes under her radar.

Newbies are taken under her matronly wing the day they arrive, and she has already organised a Welcome Barbecue for them before they even tell her their name. Everyone hangs on her every word… but she has no time to listen to anyone. For she loves the sound of her own voice, and her formidable presence is as much a part of the community as the low-flying aircraft.

How to spot her: She’s the one with the entourage. And eyes in the back of her head.

What to say to her: I wanna be in your gang.

Don’t say: Buzz off.

THE SOCIAL MEDIA DARLING Everyone knows, in minute detail, exactly what the SMD is up to because she shares it with incessant regularity on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and via her blog. It’s only 8.30am, but you are already aware of how many hours of restless and deep sleep she had (#FitbitSleepTracker), which products she used for her beauty routine (#Clarins), what she ate for breakfast (#ChiaSeeds) and what she’s wearing (#OutfitOfTheDay). In fact her day is so full of hashtags it’s hard to imagine how she finds time to do anything

with a sense of purpose, she knows everything and everyone and not a

but manage her social smidgeon of gossip goes media empire.

Everything from under her radar…” her son’s first poo in a potty to her smear test results are posted for all to see and she has a meme for every occasion.

How to spot her: Easy. She’s the one taking selfies.

How to befriend her: Just follow her on Instagram, comment on her new, ‘gorg’ Adidas Stan Smiths and you’ll be instant BFFs. Don’t say: I’m not on Facebook and what’s Instagram again?

THE FORCES SWEETHEART Also known as “The Groupie” this is the wannabe WAG. She is single, idealistic, enthusiastic and has absolutely no idea what being a military spouse really entails. Mainly found hanging around pubs and bars frequented by raw recruits, her one and only aim is to bag herself a ‘man in uniform’. Little does she know of the fate that awaits her if she is successful in her mission. But who are we to tell her she’s about to sign up to a life of anxiety, sacrifice and magnolia walls?

How to spot her: She oozes hope and enthusiasm (and is also a tad overdressed for the Dog and Duck).

What to say to her: Being an armed forces wife is sooooo much fun (please try to sound sincere).

THE VETERAN The Veteran has been there, done that and got the t-shirt. But she never bores people about it. No, she is far too wise for that.

Instead she quietly goes about managing that fine balancing act of being a good friend, a supportive partner, a loving mum and a loyal employee whilst also finding time to read the latest bestseller everyone’s raving about and watching out for the new family on base. She understands that when another spouse moans about their partner’s 10-week post, it’s not going to help by retorting that her husband is away for six months, so think yourself lucky. And she realises that whether they are a Status Seeker, an Individualist or even oozing the confidence and steeliness of a Queen Bee that life as a military spouse can totally suck. And that underneath the exterior there is a woman who doesn’t know whether tomorrow will bring a deployment, a new posting for the entire family or something worse. She knows that we all share something quite fundamental in common and while we all have our differences, we all need each other to get through this crazy life.

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A way to Remember...

Nikki Scott’s children Kai and Brooke were just five and seven months when her husband Lee was killed in Afghanistan in 2009…

T

he 26-year-old, who was a corporal and tank commander in the 2nd Royal Tank Regiment, was devoted to the army and his family – he would call Kai his ‘little soldier’.

“Going through this nightmare is unbearable for any adult” said Nikki, “but to watch your child suffer the loss of a parent is, well, I can’t even find the words to explain it.” It would be nine months after Lee’s death before Nikki would see her son, Kai, laugh. But that moment was pivotal because what happened after that has changed the lives of many children of armed forces families who have suffered bereavement or loss.

The story starts back in the early 2000s, in a bar in King’s Lynn, Norfolk where both Nikki and Lee worked together. “He was constantly asking me out,” said Nikki, “but he seemed so young in my eyes and wasn’t my type so I kept turning him down.”

Despite this, the pair became great friends and kept in touch when he joined the army.

It had been Lee’s ambition to join and despite a failed attempt to sign up when 26

he was 16 because of health reasons, he managed to join when he was 18, in 2002.

Although he was based in Germany, Lee and Nikki kept in touch and each time he came home on leave the pair grew closer.

Lee, like so many armed forces personnel, was passionate about his job. “He wanted to make people proud and also wanted to make a difference. He loved being part of a team and everything the army stood for,” said Nikki.

It was not long after the birth of Brooke that Lee was posted to Afghanistan, where he was killed when his vehicle hit an IED. With Brooke being so young, Nikki understands that her pain will only begin as she grows older and starts to understand more about what happened to her Daddy.

For Kai, however, the grieving began the day Nikki told him that his Daddy wouldn’t be coming home.

As well as dealing with her own loss, Nikki had the heartbreak of witnessing Kai suffer bad nightmares and horrific tantrums borne of frustration and anger. Then there was the confusion when he asked inevitable

questions about why his Daddy was not coming home, and the sadness in his eyes.

Nikki said: “As soon as Lee had been killed, I knew my children would need extra support so I looked for charities and organisations that helped bereaved military children – but I couldn’t find any.

Then, about nine months later, my family convinced me to go on holiday and it was while I sat watching Kai in the pool, laughing and smiling with his cousins, that I realised I hadn’t seen Kai laugh like that in months.

“I knew it was the start of getting my old Kai back again.” But not only did that moment give Nikki a glimmer of hope, it also gave her an idea. “I suddenly realised,” she said, “that there must be hundreds of children who had also lost a parent and were suffering just like Kai. “I knew, sitting by that pool, that there must be something I could do to try and help Kai and others like him.” Nikki returned from the holiday and began researching other charities, but couldn’t find any with the specific support she required. So, with

help from her family and friends, she went about setting up Scotty’s Little Soldiers.

– that we will be here to support them throughout their childhood.”

As Nikki was about to discover, setting up a charity is no mean feat! Although she and her team had very clear goals and objectives and they knew exactly who they wanted to help, it took a while to get all the paperwork in place. Scotty’s Little Soldiers, named after Lee whose nickname was “Scotty” in the army, launched at a special party in August 2010, and the fundraising began at a family fun day.

Nikki is no stranger to working with children as before she left work to concentrate full time on Scotty’s, she worked in a nursery school. And her passion for helping children is obvious.

“These children have all been through so much,” said Nikki, “and losing a parent is so incredibly hard, I never realised just how badly they need support and reassurance that people are remembering and are here for them.”

Since then the organisation, which aims to help children smile again following the loss of a loved one, has gone from strength to strength. It also supports children who are the son or daughter of a service man or woman who has suffered an illness, been in an accident or died in combat. Through various programmes Scotty’s provides a range of services for these children. From counselling and assistance with personal development, such as providing further education grants, to offering fun activities, holidays and trips to venues such as Alton Towers and Legoland.

“I am not going to lie,” said Nikki, “it is hard work and has taught me so much. I learn something new every day and there is so much responsibility, not only to make sure we are doing everything correctly and being transparent with where the money goes but also the fact we have made a promise to the children we are supporting

“I love that the whole country stops on the day and remembers and shows their respect but if I am completely honest, it is also that time of the year that I absolutely dread…”

“It is an honour to help other families and Scotty’s means the world to me,” she said, “it is my life and it also saved my life in a funny way.” She admits that without her children and without the charity she doesn’t know how she would have got through the days and months following Lee’s death. “I love

the fact the charity is keeping Lee’s memory alive and yet doing something so important as well.”

Nikki said she is convinced Lee would have been extremely proud of Scotty’s Little Soldiers. This is not only because it is a military charity, and he was passionate about the army, but because his own children meant the world to him. “I think if something like Scotty’s was around before Lee died he would definitely have been fundraising for it. The charity is named after him and he used to call Kai his ‘little solider’ – so I think he would love the name and everything the charity does.”

With Remembrance Day approaching, Nikki is preparing for mixed emotions. “I am so proud of Lee and all the men and women who have served or are still serving our country. “I love that the whole country stops on the day and remembers and shows their respect, but if I am completely honest it is also that time of the year that I absolutely dread!” She says it can cause upset when the children come home from school asking questions about how their Daddy died and this can bring back the heartache and pain of losing Lee. Indeed, Nikki recognises it can be a tough time of year for the many families she supports through Scotty’s and as such the charity sends out vouchers for dinner. Last year it sent members to Pizza Hut. “We know it is a tough time of year for all the families we support, so by sending the meal vouchers we hope it helps and means they know people are thinking of them and they can go and have some dinner together and chat and remember as a family.

“Family time is so important!”

For Nikki, running Scotty’s is a full time job. She is also busy bringing up Kai, who is now 12 and Brooke, 7. In fact, she admits that sometimes life can become so hectic she forgets the difference the charity is making to people’s lives. “When you receive a message or a letter from a family it reminds you just how much the charity is needed, and what a difference it makes.”

For more information about Scotty’s Little Soldiers go to http://www.scottyslittlesoldiers.co.uk 27

Indeed, incredible amounts of unpaid work and dedication have been ploughed into creating what is now known as the Military Wives Choir Foundation from that tiny seed planted in Catterick. Caroline said: “It evolved from [Nicky’s] idea that the wives could really do with the support a choir can bring whilst the men were deployed in Afghanistan that summer of 2010. As the Commanding Officer’s wife at the time I was able to help her open doors, seek funding from the regiment (Scots Guards) and help recruit the first members.

“We ended up needing the choir badly, losing 79 from the Brigade that tour; the choir proved a wonderful source of friendship and support in those dark days.”

Little did Caroline know that miles away, at the Royal Marines base in Chivenor another choir had also been attempting to get off the ground.

CHARITY

28

C

aroline Jopp and Sharon Bristow are two of the original Military Wives Choir members who have worked tirelessly to create one of the armed forces’ most valuable support networks. When Caroline Jopp answered a call from fellow military spouse, Nicky Clarke, to help set up a choir at Catterick Garrison in Yorkshire back in 2010 she could hardly have imagined quite how this small group, aimed at supporting wives while their husbands were in Afghanistan, would grow. Six years later and the Military Wives Choirs (MWC) have become a household name and a huge nationwide organisation with a network of over 75 choirs. It boasts, to its name, a Number One single and has raised over £500,000 for SSAFA and the Royal British Legion. But, more importantly, has been a source of support and friendship to thousands of military spouse, many of whom describe it as being life changing.

But being a member of the choir is not just about singing and making friends. It’s about putting something back into communities.

“

We ended up needing the choir badly, losing 79 from the Brigade that tour; the choir proved a wonderful source of friendship and support in those dark days.

“

It is estimated 15.2million people volunteer within the UK each month. We have spoken to some women who volunteer for armed forces charities and organisations to find out a bit more about what motivates them and how their work has been vital to military communities…

With support from Gareth Malone of BBC TV’s The Choir the choirs went on to release their hit single, Wherever You Are, and then an album. But they didn’t want the story to end there. Sharon Bristow, one of the original members of the Chivenor choir, said: “We had this amazing time and all this support but ultimately it was for all the women whose husbands were deployed in Afghanistan and we wanted to take it to other places – to other women in the military. We wanted to help share the love!” And so, with the support of Gareth Malone, as well as SSAFA and the Royal British Legion – who were the beneficiaries of the money raised through the sale of Wherever You Are – the Military Wives Choir Foundation was born. Caroline and

Sharon were among a group of women who offered to volunteer their time to get the charity off the ground.

Today the foundation provides support to the network of 75 Military Wives Choir across the UK. It has helped them start up, wade through rules and regulations and become self-sufficient. The choirs themselves raise funds locally through performances and through fees and subs which cover the costs of rehearsal venues, pianists and music. There are also committee members who organise events, deal with enquiries and emails and arrange the two hours a week of rehearsals and monthly performances.

Sharon describes herself as being ‘evangelical’ about MWC because it has been so life changing. She joined because, as a full-time working mum she barely knew other spouses on base. She wanted to find a way to build friendships before her husband was deployed. “It’s been a real confidence boost,” she said, “my life is richer for being a part of it. It was so life-changing but I’ve also seen it have a huge impact on people around me, people who I have come into contact with through helping them set up their choir.

and the team set up the foundation, has taken a step back since her husband left the forces four years ago. But it remains a passion of hers; “It is extremely edifying to be part of such a loving welfare project and my roles - both paid (as National Choirs Coordinator for the MWCF) and then latterly as a volunteer (choir coordinator for South London MWC) involved a great deal of pastoral support to the ladies across the network.

“I would recommend any military spouse - including partners of TA servicemen and women - to join their nearest MWC for the friendship fun and support it brings.

There are no auditions and no pressure whatsoever to be able to sing or to read music. Even those who say they can’t sing improve with practice - and 25 ladies singing not very well do sound great when they are combined! There is a great and unique bond between ladies in the military community and they understand each other more than anyone.”

For more information on the MWC go to: www.militarywiveschoirs.org/ www.militarywiveschoirs.org/ wanted-fundraising-volunteers/

“We have a huge amount of women in the military here who have sacrificed their careers for the sake of their husband and actually now they can be involved with something themselves. We have a huge resource of women now who are investing their time in their community and in themselves. We are so appreciative of what they do – they are volunteers at the end of the day.”

Caroline, meanwhile, having helped Sharon 29

Helen Melville, from Norfolk, is a volunteer for SSAFA…

F

inding childcare for a family when a parent is stationed abroad or funding transport costs to help a sick child visit hospital are all in a day’s work for SSAFA volunteer, Helen Melville.

The geography teacher, who is married to an officer at RAF Marham, is the armed forces charity’s In-Service Committee chair for the Norfolk air base. And while her volunteering work is diverse, she cites the support she is able to give to families in difficult circumstances as the most ‘uplifting’ part of her role.

and advice to service families at over 70 army garrisons, naval establishments and RAF stations in the UK. Fundraising is a big part of the role, and an essential one, as it’s important money is available to support serving personnel and families on stations. But she is also involved in raising awareness of the practical, emotional and financial support offered by SSAFA. “To do this successfully,” Helen explained, “we ensure we have presence at station events such as Family Day and we also organise our own SSAFA fundraising events such as Big Brew Up, Camo Day, concerts, raffles and parties.” Helen said one of the highlights of being a SSAFA volunteer has been meeting the charity’s ambassador, Antony Cotton from Coronation Street. She admitted that despite not being a Corrie watcher she was touched by the effort he made to meet the families. “He is such a genuine, friendly guy – I can see why he is our ambassador,” she said.

Helen got her first taste of fundraising in 2012 when she ran the London Marathon for SSAFA. “One of my friends was the chair of the Marham in-service volunteer There have been many moving moments committee and although I had a place to too. “Our recent Marham Bluebirds MWC run through my local running club, I said concert was also amazing,” I would raise money for Knowing that serving said Helen. “There were SSAFA,” she explained. “I ran personnel in our lots of tears, lots of laughs it in 3 hours and 59 minutes, which was my best marathon community and their and the incredibly talented time to date. I raised £1,000 families are benefitting choir of ladies all left on a high having sung their hearts for Marham SSAFA. The directly from our huge out for us. That was a really Chair then handed over to fundraising efforts, special evening.” another friend of mine and makes me very happy when she was posted away, and fulfilled” But, ultimately, it’s being she said, “Go on Helen.You there for families when know you want to do it!” they most need help that makes being - I’m glad I did.” In fact, she describes her a volunteer so worthwhile for Helen. role as ‘one of the most fun, enjoyable and “Knowing that serving personnel in rewarding things I have ever done’. And our community and their families are she thoroughly recommends others to get benefitting directly from our huge involved. fundraising efforts, makes me very happy and fulfilled,” she said.

So what does this volunteer role involve?

Helen is part of a network of more than If you are interested in volunteering for 7,000 volunteers who provide support SSAFA, there are many different roles and people can get involved as much or as little as they like.

Community volunteers must undergo training in how to provide advice and valuable support. But there are other roles which can be as simple as walking a dog, going shopping, baking a cake or serving tea. Call 0800 032 5612 for more details or email volunteer.support@ ssafa.org.uk or visit www. ssafa.org.uk/contact-usabout-volunteering 30

Jenny Robey, a community fundraiser from Shropshire and Faye Copp, who lives in Arbroath, Scotland, have gone the extra mile to raise money for armed forces charities…

The phrase ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join em’ has never been more apt than for this bunch of intrepid women who go by the name of the Bootneckettes. This group of Royal Marines WAGs decided, instead of waiting at home for their husbands to come home from endurance-testing assignments and deployments, they would get their rucksacks on and give the commando challenges a try themselves. While many of us might find a 5k run a tough test for our stamina and physical ability, these women are adding to the mix a 103 mile non-stop yomp, a spot of tunnel crawling and the terror of the ‘sheep dip’ in their bid to fundraise.

“We thought it would be a laugh to crawl through tunnels, take on the ‘sheep dip’ (which is a tunnel fully submerged under water) and generally get very muddy for charity,” said Jenny, of her first ‘Bootneckettes’ challenge, which took place in 2010. She joined forces with two others to compete in the 4k Commando Challenge, which involves completing the endurance course used by RM recruits on Woodbury Common, Devon, during training. The team dubbed themselves “The Bootneckettes’ in tribute to the Royal Marine Commandos, who are often nicknamed The Bootnecks.

“The idea of wives and girlfriends of Royal Marines coming together from all over the country to take on military-style challenges under the ‘Bootneckettes’ name took off,” said Jenny. Since this inaugural challenge, over £70,000 has been raised for charity - predominantly the Royal Marines Charity. What’s more, 143 women have been Bootneckettes completing all three Commando Challenges, 4k, 10k and 17, as well as the Gibraltar Rock Run and the 166k Yomp (103 miles, non stop).

Amongst those 143 participants, is Faye Copp. She was inspired to join the Bootneckettes having seen so many other women take on some amazing challenges for such a great cause. “Not only did I want to fundraise - I wanted to challenge myself,” she said. “I watched a programme on Forces TV about some of the Bootneckettes who took part in the 166k Yomp last year and was totally inspired by their determination.

I also wanted to do something that would push me physically and mentally, and also make my husband proud. So I decided to give it a go!”

Faye said it’s been the most rewarding work she’s ever done. Not only because she gets to push herself and overcome hurdles she never imagined she could complete, but

also because of the money raised for charity.

As well as the Royal Marines Charity, her feats have helped raise cash for Devon Air Ambulance. There are many other benefits to this kind of fundraising. Jenny explained that it’s also the sense of community which makes volunteering and fundraising so worthwhile and she urges anyone thinking of volunteering for one of the many forces charities to go for it.

“Do it,” she said. “No matter what it is, giving your time and effort to help someone else is one of the most important things in life, it creates community and you never know where it may lead! When signing up to the Gibraltar Rock run we knew it would be tough, the fundraising especially as we clocked up over £20,000 between a team of four, but we had no idea all of the amazing people it would bring

into our lives - especially meeting Henry Cavill aka Superman!”

Fundraising has become a huge part of Jenny’s life in the past six years. She has gone from being a Landscape Architect at an environmental consultancy to a community fundraiser in Shropshire for the Royal British Legion. “It has literally changed my life,” she said. And she adds: “We are usually asked if we do these challenges to make our partners proud, which is true in part. But it’s mainly to prove to ourselves that we are so much more than the wife and girlfriend sat home waiting for her man to return.”

You can find out more about the Bootneckettes (and see a video of Henry Cavill) at their Facebook page www.facebook. com/bootneckettes/ or you can follow their adventures on Twitter @bootneckettes

31

CONTRIBUTION

SSAFA’s

Forces Additional Needs and Disability Forum SSAFA, the Armed Forces charity, is aware of the unique challenges that Service families face having a family member with additional needs or disability within the service environment.

SSAFA’s ‘Forces Additional Needs and Disability (FANDF) Conference’ celebrated its 25th Anniversary in 2014 and has evolved over the years from the Queen Elizabeth Group to the current forum. It operates bi-annually and offers service families the opportunity to access professional advice and the chance to meet other families who have been through the same experiences.

The FANDF is made up of forum members; Service families with a family member, either a child or an adult, with additional needs and/or disability and the Full Members’ Committee who represent the forum members. It is facilitated by the Additional Needs and Disability Advisor (ANDA), who has responsibility for the SSAFA short breaks.

The choice of a date in June provided us with an unexpected challenge - we should have predicted that the conference coincided with Euro 2016! Although we may have lost some football-lovers there was a good turnout with 97 delegates representing 53 families and 44 professionals.

For FANDF family members attending the conference and staying at the Union Jack Club the night before, a dinner was held to enable people to meet up informally and get to know each other before the Conference commenced. Members of the FANDF Committee were there to greet delegates as they arrived and point them in the right direction. The dinner was very well-attended and it was a great way to put faces to names. After a delicious three-course meal, each table formed a team to take part in a quiz of acronyms – very ably organised and executed by the out-going Vice-chair, Karen Ross. It was a great ice-breaker and certainly brought out the team-spirit and competitiveness of the groups.

“Three members of the FANDF Committee then shared their experiences of life in the Forces with a family member with an additional need or disability.

These were very personal and moving testimonies which demonstrated why the FANDF exists and how Forces families still experience problems.”

The next morning after breakfast,

The FANDF invites families to talk with relevant tri-service professionals and discuss ways of ensuring that both children and adults with additional needs have access to the best support available and is the ideal place for families to raise awareness of issues affecting them.

With the opportunity to access professional advice and the chance to meet other families who have been through the same experiences, SSAFA’s Additional Needs and Disability initiatives ensure that service families feel supported and are empowered to voice their concerns.

One of the most significant forums where the FANDF gives families the opportunity to do this is the FANDF biennial 32

conference, held at the MOD Main Building which was held on the 20th June.

delegates took the coach and headed to Main Building. Around fifty people travelled from the UJC joining with the day-delegates comprising of more family members as well as professionals.

Our “master of ceremonies” for the day was Patrick Eade who has worked for British Forces Broadcasting Service (BFBS) for many years and has hosted the FANDF Conference in the past. He added a great air of professionalism and kept us all to time very effectively.

After a number of housekeeping announcements and opening addresses, Iza Gill, the current Chair of FANDF, Michael Dickson, Deputy Controller, Health Social Care, SSAFA and Helen Helliwell (Head of People Service Personnel Support at the MOD) addressed

Our first guest speaker was Geoff Evans. Geoff has worked in the field of autism for many years and spoke at the FANDF Spring 2015 event at RAF Leeming. Although Geoff ’s main area of interest is specific, he is an enthusiastic and informative speaker, whose talk encompassed areas which many people could identify with. He received excellent feedback both from family and professional delegates. Geoff stayed through the lunch break so delegates were able to speak to him individually. Lunch was a buffet served in the Memorial Courtyard, an atrium where delegates were able to visit stalls and “network”. Stalls included Motability, The Calvert Trust, Defence Discount Services, Scope, City Lit, Foxes Academy and the Army Families Federation, as well as SSAFA.

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After the lunch break, a Panel Discussion took place back in the Conference room. Four speakers described their roles and the work they did: Charlotte Preece (Ministry of Defence), Peter Flood (Children’s Education Advisory Service), Colin Morris (Department of Work and Pensions) and Dave Rutter (Department of Health), after which the Panel took questions from the floor. It was great to have experts to answer families’ questions directly.

Following the afternoon coffee break, Tracey Clare-Grey – Principal of Foxes Academy – gave a very interesting and heartwarming talk about the work of the Academy in training young people with disabilities and helping them to transition into the world of work in Hotels, Hospitality and Catering. It was truly moving to see the successes achieved and the obvious pride and enjoyment of the young trainees.

Finally, it was an immense honour to present Tony Potter, CEO of the Calvert Trust (Exmoor) with SSAFA’s Exceptional Award.

SSAFA and the Calvert Trust have enjoyed a very successful association for over a decade, and a great many Forces families with children with additional needs or disabilities have benefitted from the SSAFA Short Breaks at the Calvert Trust’s facility on Exmoor particularly. Tony and the staff at Calvert Trust have always been very welcoming and helpful, and the centre itself is a lovely complex in a very beautiful setting. After some closing remarks, the Conference finished and everyone dispersed.

We are very grateful to the Ministry of Defence for hosting the FANDF Conference and entrusting a number of marvellous people to help us to facilitate the event as well as providing the escorts required. Many speakers travelled a long way and gave up their valuable time to attend and, of course, we are delighted that so many FANDF Families were able to join us and meet the Committee and other families. We hope that everyone enjoyed the day and came away feeling positive about the Conference.

For more information on SSAFA’s additional needs and disability support, please contact our Additional Needs and Disability Advisor on frances.r@ssafa.org.uk or call on 0207 463 9315.

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the Conference. Three members of the FANDF Committee then shared their experiences of life in the Forces with a family member with an additional need or disability. These were very personal and moving testimonies which demonstrated why the FANDF exists and how Forces families still experience problems.

Many thanks to Robert, Alison and Karen for sharing their stories, and to Karen for stepping in at the last minute to cover for Michelle who was unwell.

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Jemima rag dolls have been carefully and individually made with lots of attention to detail. They are reminiscent of traditional, vintage rag dolls but with a contemporary twist using modern materials.

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From my work as a healer, I know that the single biggest cause of pain and suffering on the planet is the disconnection people experience when they are not living an authentic life and standing in their own truth and power. For most people that disconnection shows up in the form of financial crises, relationship problems, spiritual or physical pain.

Healing allows people to remove all blockages, patterns and programming. For most people, healing starts taking place the moment they book their session. My work is extensive and goes beyond time and space.

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Healing Hands

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HOMESENSE Winter Forest

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Tami Stokoe

Holistic Therapies

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NICOLA DEXTER Accredited Hypnotherapist Since 1992 in Camden, London, Nottingham and over the phone/internet My mission is to express my compassion, love and sense of humour to my clients by giving the best therapy I can give, by having high integrity and living the way I recommend to my clients. My aim is to help you – my clients to see life in a more empowering and lighthearted way and for you to love your lives. I can help you resolve issues and treat problems which have been holding you back, work with you to create goals for your future and support you so you can achieve them.

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Do you love candles and all that comes with them?

Want to know more?

CONTRIBUTION

By Stacey Nunn

BUSINESS BOX IN A

A

t the age of 16 I decided that the army was the best thing I could do - I had no qualifications and a strong desire to earn money. After a pretty tough time in basic training and realising it wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought, I got my head down and cracked on. I served for 20 years as a highly skilled dental hygienist and facial practitioner, as well as a chemical biological radiological nuclear warfare instructor, and much more. But after my service came to an end I found myself to be ‘mum of Macauley’ and ‘wife of CSSGT Nunn’ and had a complete loss of identity crisis! I suffered with depression, anxiety and severe financial upset after getting denied my pension.

I had not had a job interview in 20 years (why would I) and always relied on the fact that my army pension would allow me to bring up my child without having to go into work. Sadly it didn’t work out like that.

After applying for lots of jobs and unable to figure out how I was going to juggle everything with my husband being away, it became apparent that this was not working out and I wondered how many other wives and partners were in the same boat.

One day I got a message from an old friend asking if I would be interested in earning some extra money from home. She told me that I could fit it in around Macauley and that she believed I would be good at it. She thought that as I had been made 44

their current job and do what they do and redundant it might just be what I was it’s certainly not to join an elicit cult of looking for. I was sceptical, but intrigued as happy clappy positive peeps and take over to what this was all about. I replied to the the world! It was simply for me, and most message and asked her to send me some people that do this, to be part of something information over. She sent me a couple for myself. To earn anything from a of short videos that really grabbed my hundred pounds a month to much more, attention and I starting doing some research if committed, and not having to rely on on this opportunity. I found out that many asking my serving husband for money. of my colleagues had done this type of work (network marketing) as a sideline I wish I had known about network to earn a residual income to help pay off marketing earlier or that debts and afford the little luxuries in life. I decided I “I felt excited about the it had been mentioned needed something, anything, possibilities that this in the resettlement phase.

Transitioning from the to get my head back in home based business armed forces was one of the the game and to focus on.

More importantly, I wanted could offer. I felt in hardest things I have ever something that would allow control and I felt proud done and I didn’t realise being a civilian was going me to work, but still be able that I had the courage to be so difficult - now I to give my son the time and care he needed. I felt to make the decision to wanted to sell some aloe his first year wasn’t the best try something new.” products it was apparently the worst thing since we start I could have given him Invaded Iraq! But finally, and the thought of leaving after many painful months, I had a buzz him in the care of someone else, if I did in my stomach. I felt excited about the eventually get a job, sent cold chills down possibilities that this home based business my spine. could offer. I felt in control and I felt proud that I had the courage to make the decision Most people have heard of network to try something new. This was going to marketing. It gets a bit of bad press if I’m be my golden ticket to getting my future honest and I know it’s not for everyone, back on track. I paid for my business in a but I wanted to share my thoughts on it… box and was welcomed into a team of all There’s a reason why people join these types of people already building their own multi level networking companies; Firstly businesses. From a hygienist like me, to it’s not to irritate their friends and family nurses, cleaners, retailers and police officers; with annoying pictures of products no one’s each one had their own reason why they heard of. It’s not to swamp their Facebook chose to do this. The support I received was page with images of life changing comedy overwhelming, but in a good way, it was cheques whilst urging everyone to quit

“

positive and caring. This alone had a huge impact on my emotions and within a few days, I knew that I had made one of the best decisions ever in my life.

I studied the marketing plan (how you get paid), threw myself into the simple online training whilst my son was sleeping, put my head phones on whilst walking the dog and watched videos whilst washing up or listened to it whilst in the car. Any time that wasn’t Macauley’s was dedicated to learning and earning and my team held my hand the whole way, giving me support, guidance and encouragement to step outside my comfort zone. The best part of all was the recognition I received, not just by my sponsor (the person who introduced me), but everyone else. On the team I soon began making friends, as well as business colleagues. I bought a diary and structured my week as if I were employed. But I wasn’t employed, I was choosing when to work and it was so liberating, I felt free.

I would get up a little earlier and plan my work for the day, ensuring that Macauley was my main focus. Any time I had fifteen minutes here, an hour there, when Macauley was occupied or sleeping, I would work at it. Because I took this seriously, I very quickly started to earn good money and currently I’m building a highly successful team of others all over the UK and even Australia. Who are these people? They are just like you and me, each with their own story, looking to escape the rat race or not wanting to go back to work after maternity leave, fed up with

mediocrity and wanting more from life. My focus changed from what I wanted from the business, to helping my team members achieve their goals and dreams; In turn this was fulfilling mine - it was a no brainer.

I now earn an amazing full time income from doing part time hours from home.

I have achieved many promotions and incentives in a very short space of time.

But most importantly I have my identity back and creating my own success is the best feeling in the world. It is still just the beginning, there’s so much more to come.

It’s a simple business cycle to understand and makes it very simple to duplicate; I think that’s why it appeals to so many. It is sales and a lot of people would say that they can’t sell or that ‘sales’ isn’t for them. I was the same, but it’s a fact that everything in this world is a sale, you are either being sold to or selling. A lot of the wealthiest, most successful business leaders in the world are that because of sales. It is nothing to be ashamed of, it’s not slippery or dodgy, people need products and services all the time. This type of work can often be misunderstood and people are sceptical or say it’s a pyramid scheme, or illegal even.

It’s not, and despite having the ‘Investors in People gold award’ many are still scared to even take a look or support those who choose to do it.

My point is that nothing is set in stone.

Things change and may not always go to plan. The army is a great career to have, and I would recommend any one give it a go, but policies change and pensions can be

denied so don’t hang all your hopes on it.

Why not have a ‘Plan B’ or something that’s totally yours that you can focus on? Doing a little bit daily over a few years can really pay off. I now specialise in helping others have that ‘Plan B’. It is open to everyone, from army wives who want to work but find it difficult due to moving, soldiers who want to earn extra income to top up their salary, or veterans who have trouble transitioning and don’t want to work for others. And it isn’t just for girls… More and more men are joining this type of profession every single day, building amazing businesses and loving the products - it’s not just all makeup and skincare, it’s fitness and sports related products so there’s literally something for everyone to market.

Anything from £200 per month to 6 figure, uncapped, willable income can be achieved through the power of multi level networking, it’s all there for the taking. The great news is you just need a phone and internet and you can work from anywhere.

So if you’re partner is a serving soldier and she/he gets posted, you can take your business with you. If you are reading this and were serving, are still serving, or are married to someone who’s serving then why not check it out - you have nothing to lose!

If you have any questions or would like to find out more about how to start up your own network marketing business contact me on stacey@staceynunn.com or add me on Facebook.

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“

I studied the marketing plan (how you get paid), threw myself into the simple online training whilst my son was sleeping, put my head phones on whilst walking the dog and watched videos whilst washing up or listened to it whilst in the car.…

YOU WOULD BE

S R E K C CRA TO

MISS IT!

Join in the fun for our 21st year at the fabulous FESTIVE GIFT FAIR! The biggest and best Christmas shopping Fair returns to the NEC for four days from 10-13 November.

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T

he run up to Christmas Day involves a lot of planning and the hardest and often most time consuming part is buying the presents, so get it all done in one day at the Festive Gift Fair and make it FUN! Christmas starts here with plenty of choice, unique gifts, and a fun and easy shopping day out. For our 21st year we have a whole NEW line-up of fantastic LIVE music to entertain you through the day.

So easy to visit, all in one hall, all on one level and there’s even a courtesy shuttle service to and from Birmingham International station. When your bags are full, you can drop them off at the Present Creche and continue to shop, stop for a bite to eat and enjoy all the great entertainment.

350 stalls overflowing with fabulous decorations for the home and present ideas for all – from babies to teenagers, parents to grandparents, for Him, for Her and even the pets!

COME ARMED WITH YOUR CHRISTMAS LIST AND EXPECT TO GO HOME TRIUMPHANT! There’s something for everyone at the FESTIVE GIFT FAIR and to get your inspiration flowing, we’ve highlighted just a few of our favourite NEW gift ideas…

EAT, DRINK, BE MERRY & SAMPLE BEFORE YOU BUY A set of nine specially tuned champagne glasses with glass wands for playing musical magic together after Christmas dinner! The ultimate dinner party game - AMUZIKA. A personalised celebration brownie to serve 15-20 people or individual gorgeously gooey brownies in over 30 flavours - THE BROWNIE BAR. Mountainous giant meringues to serve for a real show-off dessert or gift boxed meringues as a present will leave your family and friends in awe! - FLOWER AND WHITE.

Don’t know what to do with leftover turkey or parsnips? Then jazz it up with versatile curry base sauces - PUNJABAN AUTHENTIC CURRY BASE SAUCES or, make your own from scratch using freshly ground spices - THE SPICE KITCHEN. Handcrafted, good proper fudge, great to share after dinner or give as a present in a ‘create your own gift box’. Over 25 flavours … from Rhubarb & Custard, Cherry Bakewell, Heather Honey and even Irn Brun! - OCHIL FUDGE PANTRY. Make your own CIDER… Simply add the supplied yeast and leave for 48 hours VICTORS DRINKS.

FOR THE MEN IN YOUR LIFE WOW what a season it’s been! The spirit of Football is captured by photographer, DAVID SHIELDS. Unique photographic montages of football stadiums, from Arsenal to Birmingham City and many more.

A REAL flight simulator experience vouchers available for Boeing 737 & 747 – FLIGHT SIMULATORS MIDLANDS. If anything will get him to do the washing up, these smirkingly Rude Britannia Tea Towels might do the trick – featuring photos of road signs like Happy Bottom, Titty Ho, Busty View, Juggs Lane - LESSER SPOTTED BRITAIN. Highly original Map cufflinks made from vintage maps and albums. Chose the location that is ‘special’ to you, for example, where you first met! - MIA MIA JEWELS. ‘My Dad is a Superhero!’ – a framed print designed in a comic book style for your superhero Father - JMS CREATIVE.

FOR THE LADIES IN YOUR LIFE Stylish and colourful faux fur capes, gilets and jackets – SUPERFURS. An eclectic mix of beautiful jewellery, objets d’art and decorative interior items – ANTIQUE & CHIC. Handmade, luxurious natural skincare and home fragrance. Choose a scent to match her mood… from lavender to patchouli, and geranium to eucalyptus – VALENTTE. Beautiful homemade 100% cashmere & cashmere blend shawls and scarves – NEPAL CASHMERE. Treat her to a classy fashion watch by leading designers, Emporio Armani and Marc Jacobs – A2Z TIMEBRAND.

GRANDPARENTS Have the image of a treasured pet captured behind glass and set into a silver pendant on chain - MARTASHA HANDMADE JEWELLERY. A handmade wooden plaque ‘I Love you to the moon and back’ – will guarantee a smile – MAGICMIMI. Back and neck pain is a thing of the past with a Shiatsu neck massager, the most relaxing present you could wish to give – DONNERBERG. ‘The Innkeepers Tipple’, an aromatic blueberry whisky liqueur – CELTIC SPIRIT CO. Beautifully scented handmade soy candles fragranced with essential oils with rose petals, lavender and jasmine - BEAUTY SCENTS. 48

TRENDY TEENS There’s only One Direction – as the biggest boy band in the world, they can adorn your teenagers bed with a fleece blanket throw LINEN IDEAS. Get ready to be blown away by the amazing sound of the I-Bomb Cobble – a speaker that fits into the palm of your hand and works 10 metres from your Bluetooth device – PIZZAZZ RETAIL. Be top dog at your next fancy dress party with the amazingly realistic Mr Pug mask! GENIE GADGETS. Want to be different? One-of-a-kind handmade watches – BUCKLE AND COG – with changeable fabric straps and colourful faces.

FOR THE LITTLE ONES Magic and sparkle for Fairies of all ages.

FAIRY GOODIES sell fairy wings, tutus, fairy dust, fairy gardens…

Felt dream-catchers and mobiles, little ones will be mesmerised to sleep! – YAK SHAK. A fun alternative twist to the traditional advent calendar, buy a ‘Countdown To Christmas’ activity calendar which has things to make and do to keep your kids busy as they wait for Santa – ILLUSTRIES. GIFTS IN A TIN have an ingenious range of miniature gifts and puzzles that pack into a tiny tin, from mini train sets to farmyards.

Teach your children to tell the time and count with a unique wooden learning clock – BIRCHWOOD CRAFTS. Have fun creating their very own name plaque using this clever mosaic alphabet kit – TERESA MILLS MOSAICS. For more information on Exhibitors and Visiting the Fair, visit www.festivegiftfair. co.uk. Click on the button online to watch a short video from last year’s show.

WIN TICKETS! Just for Her have teamed up with The Festive Gift Fair and have an amazing 40 pairs of tickets to giveaway!

All you have to do is answer this simple question…

What is the ‘The Innkeepers Tipple’? (CLUE:The answer is somewhere in the article!)

To be in with a chance of winning, send your answer, along with your name, address and phone number to competitions@forcespublishing.co.uk or write to Forces & Corporate Publishing Ltd, Hamblin House, Hamblin Court, Rushden, Northamptonshire NN10 0RU. Closing date: 28th Oct 2016

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Want to treat yourself or a loved one?

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AN INVITATION JUST FOR YOU Are you looking to enhance your life and create greater possibilities for you and your body?

Access Bars and tools offer dynamic, practical and effective ways to release blocks which allow you to enjoy all aspects of your world with more ease. They are especially great for clearing PTSD, tiredness, mind chatter day to day stress and overwhelm.

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The Bars® is a body process for dynamic change, which involves touching 32 points on the head that start to clear all the limitations you have about any area of your life. At worst, it will feel like a great massage and in the best case scenario, your whole life will change!

Jennie Bolt offers one to one Bars sessions; 2-4 hour group intros to the Access tools as well as Bars training in the UK and Europe “It was the first sense of peace I’d had in almost three years. It was the first time remembering everything was ok, everything always had been, and everything always would be…”

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SURVIVING Christmas is fast approaching, and along with it comes the usual stress... over-excited kids, a million and one gifts to buy, and love them or loath them the in laws, extended family and countless gatherings!

Many of us dread the holiday season even though it’s meant to be a joyous stress-free occasion but never fear, sit back and relax with our guide to surviving this Christmas!

ALCOHOL

It might seem like a little Dutch courage can go a long way when it comes to dealing with a mortifying mother-in-law or an annoying aunt, but it could do more harm than good. By all means enjoy a few drinks, relax, but don’t go too crazy and end up in alcohol fueled arguments and saying things you will regret in the morning!

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Christmas COOKING

BITING YOUR TONGUE

Family members are often experts at knowing which buttons to press and which awkward questions to ask, even if they don’t realise they’re doing it! Don’t rise to it and instead keep your cool - steer the conversation away from anything negative and keep it cheerful.You can always have a rant about it later and avoid making everyone else feel uncomfortable!

If you’re cooking Christmas dinner for everyone this year, share the load.

Family members are usually more than happy to bring a side or dessert along so ask them in advance and make a plan for a combined effort.

Even better - ask if everyone would be up for going out for Christmas dinner.You need to book well in advance but it’s a great stress reliever, no cooking, no mad dash around Tesco for the forgotten sprouts at 7pm on Christmas eve and the cherry on top... No washing up!

dfg h e c i j DE-STRESS

Christmas can get stressful so make some time to do something to help you unwind. Book a Christmas spa treat, go for a coffee and a mince pie with your BFF, or maybe make some time to get pampered by getting your nails done with some cute Christmassy designs.

FIGHTING

Christmas for many is the time when they remember exactly why they DON’T spend the rest of the year around their kin. If you’re off visiting for the day, plan how long you will be staying and let your relatives know in advance so there aren’t any hurt feelings if you leave earlier than they expected. Fake happiness even if you get awful presents, enjoy the food even if you don’t and avoid family members that you know you already don’t get on with.

GIFT-MAKING

If you’re the crafty type & have the time then gift making can be loads of fun - and kinder on your bank balance! Homemade cards and presents offer a more personal touch which people really appreciate.

Bath bombs, bird feeders, salt dough decorations, cranberry vodka and fudge are just a few ideas that spring to mind! (Keep an eye on our blog for some how-to guides!)

HUMOUR

We all want our Christmas day to be perfect but don’t take it all too seriously. If you burn the turkey a bit, laugh it off. Lots of things can go wrong, but try to find the funny side rather than get stressed!

EARLY BIRD CATCHES THE WORM

Don’t leave all your Christmas gift shopping until the last minute... Get a head start a couple of months before to avoid the rush, miss the queues, ensure you get the must-have toys this year for the kids & not completely financially cripple yourself all in one big hit in December!

INSPIRATION Want to decorate your tree differently this year? Want to get creative in the kitchen with your desserts?

Struggling to come up with gift ideas for everyone? There’s heaps of Christmas inspiration to be found online to really wow your family and friends with!

JUGGLING

Juggling tasks can be tricky on Christmas day.

Delegate some tasks peeling veg, washing up, setting the table, to make it easier on yourself! Do as much prep as you can the day before to keep everything running smoothly.

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KIDS

PROCRASTINATION

Christmas is all about the kids.

Keep them entertained and out of your hair when you’re busy making dinner by giving them some easy jobs to do. A great idea is to un-package & build some of their bigger toys and set them up on Christmas eve - you can add bows or cover with paper so they can still unwrap them but you wont be stuck for 2 hours trying to put together a giant Scalextric track when you’ve got other things to be getting on with!

Don’t do it! Have a plan and get organised!

LENDING

Cooking equipment, chairs, even plates and cutlery... double check you have enough if you have lots of people over beforehand and if not, ask to borrow it!

MUNDANE

If you’re bored of your normal Christmas routine then spice it up! Suggest a family trip to Winter Wonderland in London with everyone instead of the normal buffet lunch round Aunt Ednas in the weeks running up. It will make for some great memories!

NAUGHTY (OR NICE!)

Kids can get a bit overwhelmed in the run up to Christmas but there are loads of great tactics to keep them in check. Elf On The Shelf is always a favourite - a toy Elf who sits and watches what the children are up to and flys back to the North Pole to report back to Father Christmas each night on how well they have behaved that day. He then usually ends up in some kind of mischief (flour snow angels in the kitchen, climbing the Christmas tree etc) for the children to find him in the morning!

ONLINE

Save yourself time and avoid the stress of food and present buying in shops by purchasing everything from the comfort of your sofa and having it delivered to your door! Make sure you get your turkey ordered early & check the Christmas delivery times on online supermarkets!

ROCKING AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE!

Remember to keep everyone’s festive spirits up! Christmas tunes and classic Christmas films really set the atmosphere! Yes you’ll probably be tired of hearing “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday” by the end of the season, but it only comes around once a year!

QUEENS SPEECH

A Christmas tradition for most families, don’t miss sitting down with a cuppa and a mince pie to hear Her Majesty’s Christmas speech in the afternoon!

SECRET SANTA Exciting AND moneysaving, why not organise a Secret Santa with your family or friends this year instead of buying for everyone? You put all the names in a hat and everyone chooses one, they then keep it a secret who they have and buy for that person only.You can all agree to a spending limit before to keep it fair. Everyone gets a gift and it’s fun to try and figure out who bought what!

tu TIDYING UP

Christmas day can be messy so tidy up as you go and avoid a tonne of mess at the end to have to clear up when all you want to do is go to bed!

Have a recycling bag ready for the wrapping paper and packaging in the morning and rope people into washing up or filling up the dishwasher as the pots and pans stack up!

UNDER THE CHRISTMAS TREE Whether there’s a hundred presents or just a couple, remember that Christmas isn’t all about gifts!

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YOUR CHRISTMAS TOO

VACATE

Going away over Christmas can be a great idea, completely removing yourself from all the stress and hassle and just spending it relaxing with your nearest and dearest! You could go abroad for some winter sun, or stay in a cosy cottage closer to home. If going away for the whole day isn’t your thing you can always look into booking somewhere for Christmas dinner. No cooking or washing up woohoo!

WINTER BLUES

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Don’t let S.A.D (Seasonal Affective Disorder) get on top of you! It’s easy to let the dark evenings and cold weather get you down but embrace the changing season and try and find the good things in it warming stews, indulgent hot chocolates and the return of your fave winter jumpers are all things to look forward to!

X-MAS SPIRIT

Do something great for someone else - donate some food to charity, volunteer some time at a food kitchen for the homeless or maybe even just pop round a lonely elderly neighbour’s house with some home made mince pies and a Christmas card.

Spreading some Christmas kindness is a great way to make you feel warm and fuzzy even when it’s cold out!

It’s easy to get so wrapped up in making sure everyone else has a great Christmas that you forget to make sure you have a good time too. Make sure you take some time to enjoy the day!

ZZZ’S

When you’ve put yourself comfortably into a Christmas food coma, or maybe you’ve had one too many Bailey’s, cuddle down on the sofa, stick on “Home Alone” and fall asleep watching it!

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SOUTH MILITARY CATCHMENT

Adrian Doughty Peculiar mixture of talents in man - Adrian Doughty: dancer, drag artist, comedian, media manager, event organiser, PR king and all-round entertainer. Once a meat manager at Sainsbury’s, Adrian was destined to leave the world of mince and chops to cavort with the princes of pop, as he embarked on a dazzling career in media and entertainment.

As a promoter who is also an artist himself, Adrian has a unique insight into the delicate dynamics involved in reaching the public psychologically through the media and reaching the public directly from the stage. This is what has made him such an invaluable representative for so many artists and entrepreneurs.

His apparently endless list of contacts from all walks of life also make him a man that both media professionals and up and coming artists are desperate to do business with. But how did he come to have such a colourful variety of associates?

The answer may be surprising to you and may make him blush, but the truth is - he developed such a network largely through his irresistible urge to help people.

Once coping with over 20 alcoholics and drug addicts in a homeless shelter.

How he came to run the shelter he hardly knows himself, but suffice to say the individuals he began helping gradually grew in number to the extent where the place of refuge that he offered various broken people became an official haven.

It wasn’t without its challenges however, and the stories that Adrian tells us from that time are hair-raising.

Sadly, the shelter ran into huge financial difficulties and Adrian faced bankruptcy.

The clients were looking at him in terror asking him what was going to happen to the shelter, would they all have to go back on the streets again?

It was the depths of winter - just one night sleeping rough would have killed the weaker ones. Adrian tried to reassure them saying ‘don’t worry, I’ll find some money’, not having a clue

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where he would get it from. To save them, that night he became a stripper.

As a result of the horrific incident it was recommended that time out was needed. Adrian found himself on a Virgin £199 fly drive alone. He upgraded to a Pontiac convertible and journeyed across the Florida highway. He somehow landed at the small business and franchise exhibition. When he stumbled across a new invention the “Easy Wrap”, a vacuum operated, balloon machine. That was able to place a stuffed toy inside a balloon like a ship in a bottle.

It was at this point thinking back to his teenage days on the market in East Street, Camberwell, London with the Pearly kings, the fish brothers, he knew instantly this was a winner. Also a possible answer to not only saving the homeless but also keep the roof’s over the heads of his family. The fact a teddy bear came in at £2.50 and went out for £9.99 sealed the deal. So he headed back to England to join the Full Monty and by Easter was the first to import this idea to the British seaside tourists on Eastbourne Pier.

It was here that Adrian honed the foundations that he later developed, to hold and entertain a crowd - as the above picture shows.

However brash and raucous he might come across as on occasions, the delicacy and precision Adrian employs as an artist is breathtaking. Adrian has always felt strongly that the audience deserves the best. He never shortchanges them, never skims over a single detail. Whatever job he is doing, he wants it to be perfect.

Audiences immediately open up to his warmth and generosity of spirit. You

couldn’t begin to count the amount of times Adrian has brought joy to people.

He can walk into a room that seems like a Siberian morgue completely unfazed and within minutes, he’ll be up on the table shouting jokes and women who were glaring and suspicious on his arrival are suddenly hugging him and crying with laughter.

This ability to transform atmospheres as an artist, he uses to transform public perceptions of businesses - as their promoter. He will take a company or concept that he believes in - and feed it to every contact he knows for breakfast, dinner and tea.

This is what has happened with Cyber Knife. The concept excited him and never one to keep his opinions quiet, he set about crusading for their acceptance everywhere.

The father of three children himself, and the counsellor to hundreds. Adrian’s great skill is to bring people together - often for pleasure but also with the serious hope that through uniting and co-operating, they might be able to strengthen and help each other.

This site is a special combination of influential figures in business, showbiz, media, PR and live entertainment in the hope that we might all benefit each other as well as benefiting the most important recipients of the countless charity commitments he enjoys: • The Samaritans • British Forces Foundation • Misunderstood - for children with behavioural problems such as ADHD. • Cyber Knife Hospital Appeal - Latest technology for treating Cancer Adrian says: If we can all combine and use our talents to help those kids with nothing, then I will feel that my life and work are truly worthwhile’. Thankfully for the children and us, Adrian realised he could offer the world far more than a pound of sausages from Sainsbury’s.

www.ukcomedian.com

SOUTH MILITARY CATCHMENT

Adrian Doughty is extremely talented at providing and organizing a wide range of entertainment.

His phone book never fails to amaze, regarding the wide range of entertainers he knows in all areas. Regardless of how big or small you want your event to be.

Whether it is for family entertainment, corporate or your needs are for something of a more adult theme shall we say.

For male, female or a mixed audience he will be your quickest and easiest route to an event that will not be forgotten.

Here’s just a short list of the services that he provides: - Corporate events - After dinner speaking.

- Stand up comedy.

- Event management.

- Stag / hen nights.

- Gentlemans and ladies evenings.

- Naked Balloon Dancing - Drag acts.

- Comparing

Call Adrian directly on: 07960 717578 | www.ukcomedian.com

ACCESS CONSCIOUSNESS ® Empowering people to know that they know For empowerment, healing, choice and possibilities.

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Ananda Spinks, CFMW Call: 07724808705 http://accessconcioushealing.co.uk

Autism is often described as an invisible condition because its complex nature is not always obvious to the passer by. This means that, sadly, individuals with autism are often targeted for bullying and victimisation because their behaviours may seem unusual.

As parents ourselves to a child with autism, we have grown accustomed to stares that greet us when we are out in the community with our son.

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Order through the website or contact me if you have any enquiries:

Our aim is to promote global awareness of autism in a light-hearted and positive way.

We sell a range of adult and children’s clothing, gifts and accessories.

We work in association with If I Need Help to offer a unique ID system for individuals that are vulnerable in the community.

Maxine Edgeworth (ex naval wife) Please allow 14 days for delivery

www.autismbydesign.com or find us on Facebook ‘Autism by Design’

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Looking for the perfect massage after sports, working out or just to unwind?

Discover the safe and drug free way to eliminate pain, recover from injury and boost your health.

We provide a massage to suit your needs here in Cornwall.

Swedish & Holistic Massage Indian Head Massage Sports & Trigger Point Work Warm Bamboo & Energy Balancing Massage

Feel free to give us a call with any questions and availability. Very reasonable rates 07990 825534 www.massagetherapistcornwall.co.uk

Anthony Cropley FHT ICHT ICHFST at Chichester Pain Clinic specialises in the treatment of pain and musculoskeletal injuries.

Therapies include scenar therapy, sport and remedial massage.

• Migraine Headache • Stress • Sprains • Strains • Repetitive Strain Injury • Joint Injuries • Whiplash • Arthritis • Paralysis • Neurological Problems • Ankle, Knee, Hip, Back & Shoulder Injuries • Recovery after Sports Injuries & Surgery

Don’t Suffer Any Longer! Call 07723 855518 or visit www.pain-clinic.org.uk for further information Specialists in SCENAR Therapy Pain Treatment and Sports & Remedial Massage.

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Contemporary fabrics for the modern maker

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Would you like to see your article published?

Why choose Cognitive Hypnotherapy?

Just for Her are looking for interesting and relevant articles about the Service community…

In so many ways. You want to: sleep better, eat less, improve your performance in sport – work – play, let go of fears and phobias, improve your confidence, enjoy your relationships more, move forward in life, reach goals you desire.

Anxiety, Alienation, Reintegration Difficulties, Loneliness, Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Post Deployment Alienation Disorder.

All these can be helped.

If you have something you have written, ideally with pictures too, then please send your articles into mail@forcespublishing.co.uk.

JustHer for

Solution-based Cognitive Hypnotherapy safely reaches your unconscious mind, which is the part of your mind driving the problem.

How can it help me?

How does it work?

By reaching your unconscious mind and changing the way it ‘sees’ and therefore responds to your issue, we can change the way you behave, think, and feel to something far more appropriate and helpful to your present life. The process is very safe, natural and empowering for you.

How long does it take?

Marion Morley – Your Life Soul Coach Igniting your passion and rediscovering your purpose • Spiritual Life Coach • Soul Plan Reader • Soul Transformation Healing Core Issue Therapy (CIT) • Journey to Your Soul (6 session Package) If you’re not sure where your life is going and you feel stuck in limbo, Your Life Soul Coach will help you over-come your barriers giving you focus, clarity and direction for your future.

Call or email Marion for a no obligation chat or to book.

Sessions can be held by telephone or Skype www.yourlifesoulcoach.co.uk | marion@yourlifesoulcoach.co.uk Telephone 07814 927677 | Rye East Sussex

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The average treatment required is about 6 sessions Everyone is unique and so is their problem. Some need less, some need more.

I have seen hypnotists on TV. Will I be in control?

Yes. It is essential that you are in control – only you know exactly what you want. As the therapist I support and guide you, but you are awake and focused throughout the process.

How will I feel afterwards?

You’ll feel relaxed, sometimes a little tired. You’ll know something important is changing within you in a really positive way. You will be able to drive safely.

BE AS YOU WANT TO BE. YOU CAN.

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Call me Christine Sales - 07765407715 chrisbowenworks4u@gmail.com Qualified Registered Bowen Therapist “I love this relaxing healing therapy’’ Serving Kent/Surry/Sussex borders based in Edenbridge

10% discount with code JUST4HER

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Soul Insights Diana Steel has been practicing spiritualism for more than 30 years, she is a specialist medium, healer and tarot reader.

Diana works with the spirit world offering services such as past life regression to reassure and comfort those who are distressed and experiencing emotional trauma. As well as this, Diana holds tarot parties.

Diana also began working in hypnotherapy a few years ago, which has proved to be very successful.

Diana finds that services she offers can combat a number of issues such as addressing attitudes, improving relationships, overcoming fears and releasing blocked emotions.

Need a spiritual medium, healer and tarot reader?

Call Diana Steel

Diana offers one to one treatments, sittings for groups and healing.

01326 378 979 www.soulinsights.co.uk

The home of framed stamps for the perfect personal gi • Handmade with genuine mint stamps • From Paddington to planes, there are gi s for everyone

Do you run or want to run a small business?

Want to speak with confidence? www.bevhepting.co.uk.

Unwind with the family in beautiful surroundings on a north coast yoga retreat. www.hgyoga.co.uk | 07450 351222 | helenyoga@gmail.com We have a unique property with swimming pool and 4 acres of land, we run yoga/surf retreats for singles, couples, and families. Focusing on creativity and health, I’m a yoga therapist/art therapist and bio-energetic healer.

Children’s yoga and other creative activities also available whilst parents go out for the morning /afternoon/early eve.

A wide variety of yoga strains are offered, including kundalini for energising, hatha for relaxation, vinyasa flow for fitness, as well as children’s yoga.

• Special birthday framed stamps available from the year someone was born

Helen also runs nutrition programmes to complement the yoga, including fun organic raw chocolate making lessons.

Tuck into organic raw juices and food, while you learn about the benefits of unprocessed food.

• Prices start from only £15.95

HG Yoga caters for families, children, businesses and groups such as local scouts and guides, including unique children’s birthday parties, tailored around themes of your choice.

• Free P&P in the UK and BFPO addresses

I’d like to particularly advertise YOGANJELS - a mobile nutrition and yoga service.

www.framerstamp.com

So, if you and your family would like to detox, de-stress and spend more quality time bonding together, then head over to the north coast now and let all your worries melt away to the sound of water lapping against the shore.

Can also arrange coasteering and surf lessons on the north coast.

ACCESS CONSCIOUSNESS “All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory.”

Synergy is a global, home based business opportunity with clinically trialled products.

Proven to improve heart health and promote optimum health and energy they are used by top sports people, those in good health and those with health issues alike.

To find out more about this growing, exciting and worthwhile business opportunity contact Helen Prosper Information Sharer/Team Builder Synergy www.prosperwithsynergy.co.uk

Access Consciousness ® provides many life changing techniques, tools and processes which are designed to empower you to create the life you truly desire.

When was the last time in your life that you were totally relaxed, nurtured and cared for? Did you know there are 32 points on your head called The Bars ® which when gently, easily and effortlessly touched releases anything that does not allow you to receive? These points contain all the thoughts, ideas, beliefs, emotions, attitudes and considerations you have stored in any life time.

Access Bars ® have helped thousands of people change many aspects of their life, having your Bars run creates greater ease for your body including sleep, health, weight, money, stress and relationships and so much more! At worst you will feel like you have just had the best massage of your life. At best your whole life can change into something greater with total ease.

www.accessconsciousness.com | ingridlogan55@outlook.com 63

TICKETS TO THE CLOTHES SHOW !

N I W IN ASSOCIATION WITH ALCATEL!

Just For Her are offering three lucky winners the chance to win tickets to The Clothes Show, in association with Alcatel!

The Clothes Show will return to the NEC Birmingham from 2-6 December 2016 with a new, exciting line-up of fashion, beauty, live music and industry experts.

Whether you’re looking to update your AW16 wardrobe, discover fresh new music, find inspiration to kick start a career in fashion or meet industry experts, prepare to immerse yourself in Britain’s largest fashion and beauty festival, where you’ll find all of this and more.

Renowned for discovering talent across its 27 year history, The Clothes Show is recognising and celebrating the talent of young people within the music industry.

2016 will see the launch of The Clothes Show Discovers - a search to find a male and female artiste who will become the headline acts in the iconic Alcatel Fashion Theatre, in association with Capital FM. Take a seat to watch the newly named catwalk show, Rock the Runway, which will bring together a fashion-meets-music performance with over 40 models and dancers alongside the newly discovered music acts, in what is set to be the most breath-taking show yet.

Trend presentations from high street favourites, compiled by ITV’s fashion presenter, Mark Heyes, will offer an insight into AW16 must haves, plus a host of wellknown faces will appear in the theatre each day. TV’s brightest rising star, Laura Jackson, will kick-start the first day on Friday 2, and presenter and fashion icon Laura Whitmore will be presenting ‘Rock The Runway’ in the Alcatel Fashion Theatre on Sunday 4! TV favourite, Jamie Laing will return on Monday 5 and Tuesday 6 December plus you can catch Joey Essex doing exclusive giveaways in the Alcatel Fashion Theatre and appear in the Paparazzi Pen on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

Shop in the Boutique Boulevard, where you will find pop up stores from the likes of Sugarhill Boutique and Lavish Alice.

Fashion-forward collections from Oasis,

Maniere De Voir, South Beach, Claudio Lugli, Adanola, Neon Rose, Olive Clothing, Pretty Lavish, Gymshark, In Love With Fashion and Shoe Embassy will add to the line-up while the Designer Outlet will return with the most sought-after labels.

You’ll also be able to shop from a host of Hair & Beauty brands including Rimmel, Elemis, Barry M, W7, Lee Stafford, Models Own, Spectrum Collection, Bomb Cosmetic and Cocowhite.

The Discovered Catwalk in association with Cosmopolitan will be hosted by presenter and model Annaliese Dayes, showcasing collections from the Boutique Boulevard as well the latest trends from graduate designers. A host of bloggers and vloggers will take to the stage for Q&A sessions including Sarah Ashcroft otherwise known as ‘That Pommie Girl’ – not to be missed!

The Style Studio, hosted by fashion expert Antonia O’Brien, will offer exclusive trend presentations and interviews from leading designers, as well as a host of fashion, beauty and health experts plus some of the UK’s leading editors. TV favourite, Mark Heyes, will also return to the show presenting trends from the catwalk to the high street.

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65

>> FASHION LOOKBOOK

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IT OUT!

Check is back on the style agenda.

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Miss Selfridge New In Sept/ Oct 2016 Price TBC

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67 Primark UK Coat £40

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68 Topshop Wrap Dress Price TBC

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68

CHOKED

UP

Embrace a 90s favourite chokers are looking even better than they did the first time around! Whether you prefer something more understated and chic, or like to make a statement, here’s a few to get you started…

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69

Primark UK £6

>> FASHION LOOKBOOK

Very V By Very Velvet Jogpants £25

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VELVET

Monsoon Levana Velvet Dress £109

CRUSH

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70 New Look Grey Velvet Platform Boots £29.99

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71 Next Velvet Wrap Jacket £38

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07943 511066 ISSUE 11

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CONTRIBUTION

From Cwtching To Keo

Welsh for cuddling!

iotic r p y C A

beer

A Land Before Time…

By Ella McPartlin

T

owards the end of last summer Baby, Dog and I took one of our final dawdles through the rolling farm fields of Puddle*, before Autumn crept in and we were posted to another patch. The sun was sitting lazily amongst the corn flowers and cow parsley, as the sky larks drifted in and out of the shadows cast by the towering oaks that lined our path. It was quiet except for the slow chug of a distant tractor and Dog cavorting through the long, still grasses in search of adventure. The air was sweet with warm hay and clean washing dancing in faraway gardens.

As the three of us lolloped over a style into yet another field, we came across the soft ‘thud, thud’ of a boom box and the sight of a group of about four or five teenagers all having cast off the unnecessary t-shirts and shorts. They were sprawled over freshly rolled hay bales basking in the sun, chatting and occasionally flicking their legs or arms to discourage a wayward insect.

In a village like Puddle,* (which was not actually a village as it had no pub, and that in my opinion is what constitutes a village) there was one bus a day and a small local shop. There were miles of crop fields that rolled down towards a sparkling bay, where the local dairy cows would meander through the sand dunes, sometimes wading into the shallows. The rare excitements 78

came from the soft whirr of the various Airforce planes and helicopters overhead.

I had often wondered what todays Forces teenagers of Puddle* made of it all, in a world engulfed by technology, shopping malls and rebellion. And here they were, innocently enjoying what English summer holidays were made for, long afternoons lying on hay bales in the sun. I stood for a smiling moment, enjoying the sight of a scene from an Enid Blyton novel, marvelling at the fact boom boxes were still a ‘thing’! This must be what it had been like ‘back in the day’ I mused, when life knew of simple pleasures and the beginning of your next adventure was unknown…

As told by Hilary McPartlin, a former service woman and forever a military spouse…

“Mick and I were both in the military when we met. He came from Scotland and I came from Wales. People often ask us how we met and are quite surprised that I was also in the military, as if it was only for men.

We were the same rank when we met, although he always disputes that fact. He likes to think he outranks me, ah little did he know!

Mick was already on camp when my section was posted in. My first memory of him was that he was always smiling at

me, trying to get my attention. My fellow WRAFS would teasingly say, ‘There he is again!” We met in a proper manner at my sections Christmas party which was held on March the 26th 1967. You might be wondering why a Christmas party was being held in March… The date of the original party had to be cancelled for an emergency and we all had to work around the clock in shifts to keep the supplies of parachutes going. Anyway, the party was in full swing. Someone had given him an invite as he didn’t work in our section so wasn’t really supposed to be there. Towards the end of the evening after too many sherries (No Prosecco I hasten to add!)

Mick came across and asked me to dance. I still have the first photos to this day. At the end of the evening he walked me back to the WRAF block and we had a few kisses and said goodnight.

The next day was the beginning of the Easter break. Mick went home to Scotland and I went home to Wales. While he was home he actually said to his mother, “Don’t be surprised if you get an invitation to a wedding.” To which she replied, “Who’s?’ and he said, “Mine!”

That was the end of March, we met a few times but I had decided he wasn’t really my type. How wrong was I?! We got married on the 3rd of June 1967, eight weeks after meeting. *Not its real name

We had to rush the wedding as Mick was posted to Cyprus. He left on the 21st of June, three weeks after getting married.

We had a weeks honeymoon in a caravan in North Devon before heading home to pack. When I say, “home”, we had only just moved into a top floor flat 3 days before the wedding and hadn’t even slept there yet. I had to give up my career in the airforce if I wanted to join him in Cyprus, as I was told there were no postings available for me, so I headed back home to my family in Wales to wait for my date to come through to join him.

I flew to Cyprus all by myself. In 1967 ‘little lassies’ - that’s what my mother-in-law to be had said to Mick when she first met me, “You can’t marry her, she’s only a little lassie.” - from a little town in Wales, didn’t go anywhere. I felt like a pioneer, a very nervous one at that. Terrified in fact. I cried many tears in Bridgend, saying farewell to family and friends. In those days there were no airport shuttles so my brother-in-law took me and my case to the train station in his side-car attached to his motorbike.

I arrived in Akrotiri and was met by my new husband, who was really a stranger to me. No married quarters for the lowly ranks in those days, so we had to get a taxi to Limassol where there was a ‘free for all’

of Cypriots trying to get us to view their houses that they had to let. We were the lucky ones as we had no children in tow.

Mick had previously done a recce of the area and had found a house that was available amongst the native Cypriots and also some service families. Our landlord, Jim (a typical, good old Cypriot name!) also owned the house next door, where a lovely family lived, with two gorgeous little boys. This was my first experience of living on a patch, but it was more like ‘bondoo’ - a piece of spare dry land in Cyprus.

Tom Jones didn’t help much either with his number one record, ‘Green Grass of Home.”

Our little house had no air-conditioning, in fact, none of the houses did, so being pregnant in the unrelenting heat was, at times, unbearable.

Cyprus public transport was interesting too. We, like most people, didn’t have a car so my rare ventures out to antenatal classes were no fun.

I would get the No.10 bus, which took you to St. Andrews hospital, stopping to call in at the WAAF. I would have to get off at the WAAF bus stop to be sick and then wait in the sweltering heat to get on the next bus before eventually arriving for my appointments.

“I flew to Cyprus all by myself... I felt like a pioneer, a very nervous one at that.

Terrified in fact. I cried many tears in Bridgend, saying farewell to family and friends.”

My neighbour was brilliant and soon took me under her wing, but they were coming to the end of their tour that November.

I missed them such a lot when they left.

Before long, another family moved in with three little girls. I can remember going round to the mother of these little girls a few weeks later to ask naively if she thought I might have breast cancer as my boobs were so sore and lumpy, to which her experienced face smiled and suggested that I may be pregnant. I hadn’t given the possibility that much thought, but low and behold, I soon knew that I was, throwing up everything that passed my lips for months on end. I didn’t know what was worse; that or my homesickness.

In July 1968 the contractions started. Our neighbour advised Mick to go to work as she promised nothing would happen for hours, she was right of course, but I was a bit miffed as I thought he should have stayed with me. The RAF and his career was important to him and he was going places - something us Military spouses all deal with throughout our lives with them.

He arrived back in time for his tea, then it really was time to get to the hospital.

With the lack of a car, and in those days no phones, off he went to the end of the street to the local shop to ask for a taxi. Cypriots never rush for anything, but as the military hospital in Akrotiri was 15 minutes away and the taxi driver had a groaning woman in his car he certainly rushed this time.

We got to the hospital and got settled in. Off went Mick in the back of the taxi, because in those days the fathers were not welcome at the births of their children, especially in a military hospital. He was told to phone the next day to see if the baby had arrived. Into work he went the next day, as normal and made the phone call. His first son had been born at 2.30am. The end of one era and the beginning of the next.

And here we are 49 years later and still together. What a rollercoaster journey we have had along the way, but I wouldn’t have changed a minute of it.”

79

Speicherstadt

CITIES A TO Z

Hamburg Lots of water and maritime flair, extensive recreational and cultural offer, an exciting nightlife in the St Pauli entertainment district and a wide range of shopping opportunities make Hamburg the ultimate liveable city and one of Europe’s most popular city destinations.

Culture…

Sophisticated, entertaining, classic, or avant-garde: Hamburg’s cultural scene offers something for every taste. Major theatres and orchestras, a diverse museum landscape with spectacular exhibitions, experimental dance performances and top class ballet productions reflect the cultural wealth of this city on the River Elbe.

The music world eagerly awaits the opening of the Elbphilharmonie, Hamburg’s magnificent new concert hall. Located in the HafenCity Hamburg district, the Elbphilharmonie with its wavelike roof has been built on top of a historic warehouse and has set out to become Hamburg’s new cultural landmark. Due to be completed in January 2017, the Elbphilharmonie is 80

guaranteed to attract music lovers from across the globe with a diverse programme of top-class classical concerts, as well as jazz, world and pop music.

All those with an interest in theatre can look forward to a diverse stage programme, with productions by more than 40 small and large private theatres across the city – in addition to Hamburg’s two major theatres, the Thalia Theatre and the Schauspielhaus, which are highly renowned in all of Germany.

Art lovers should put a whole day aside for the museums of the Kunstmeile.

The Kunstmeile is an association of five museums that are located close to the city centre. It includes the Bucerius Kunst Forum, the Hamburger Kunsthalle, the

Museum Für Kunst Und Gewerbe Hamburg

Rathaus, Hamburg

Museum für Kunst und Gewerbe, as well as the Deichtorhallen, a venue that has become famous for its House of Photography retrospectives. From here, it is also well worth taking a stroll through the city centre, as the Fleetinsel area and the Kontorhaus district are home to a number of small art galleries.

Things to Do… St Pauli Fischmarkt Each Sunday as the sun rises, crowds of early birds and night owls make their way to the St Pauli Fischmarkt. On this historic square on the Elbe, countless booth traders loudly extol their fresh fruit and veg, clothes and bric-a-brac. Having been won over by the humour and quick wit of the vendors, many visitors have found themselves leaving the market square with oversized potted flowers and bags full of smoked and fresh fish. While there, you should not miss out on a visit to the refurbished Fischauktionshalle: drop in for a drink on a Sunday morning and join the party.

Discover Hamburg by Boat While in Hamburg, a boat trip through the harbour should definitely be included in your schedule. Here it is particularly recommended taking one of the round trips by barge, as these small, nifty boats can even make it through the canals of the Speicherstadt, provided that the water level is high enough. It is also a barge that will take you to a truly emotional place: Hamburg’s BallinStadt emigration museum on the south eastern edge of the port. Between 1850 and 1939, approximately five million people set out on a journey over the Atlantic to find peace in the New World. Today, an interactive

exhibition across three museum halls gives an insight into the lives and dreams of these people, and the historic background of their emigration.

Guests to the city can meet the locals on Elbe beaches and the beach clubs along the port. This is where the local residents like to catch their rays of sun. Life on the water constitutes this city’s special recreational assets – also on the Alster, which rises north of the Hamburg and gathers in the heart of the city to form a large lake, surrounded by lush green areas of land. Such an oasis of calm and relaxation in the midst of a city is unique in Germany – and is used by the locals in any weather as a good excuse for strolling, jogging, cycling and watersports.

Discover the tranquil flowing Alster and the urban architecture of the city by canoe – or be trendy and stand up and paddle!

Hamburg at Night…

The Reeperbahn in St Pauli is Germany’s most famous party mile – gone are the days when this area was solely characterised by long-standing erotic stablishments. There is only one word to describe the district of St Pauli: diverse. Commerce and instant entertainment, theatres and musicals, fancy restaurants, hip party people, punks, and local families – all these can be encountered on the streets of St Pauli. The Reeperbahn and its side streets – Grosse Freiheit, Hamburger Berg, Talstrasse, Silbersackstrasse – and the area around Hans-Albers-Platz are melting pots for diverse music genres, trends and entertainment. Hempel’s Beatles Tour is one of the attractions taking place in the heart St Pauli: singer/songwriter Stefanie Hempel takes you on a musical journey through the Fab Four’s time spent

Hamburger Kunsthalle

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in Hamburg. Also worth visiting are the glamorous restaurants on the River Elbe, the gay nightlife scene of the St Georg district, and the countless pubs, bars and music clubs of Karolinenviertel, Ottensen and Altona. To round off your Hamburg experience, you should also pay a visit to the Hamburger DOM – Northern Germany’s biggest funfair – and, during the festive season, one of the countless Christmas markets across the city.

Accommodation…

Hamburg can offer its guests a broad range of hostels: the city provides far more than 300 accommodation options with a good 50,000 beds in total, catering for any budget, any taste and almost any district. Hamburg’s hospitality sector is as multifaceted as the city itself, ranging from a traditional luxury hotel to a quirky room in a former bordello. Beyond this diversity, there is one thing that the hosts of all these establishments have in common: they want to make guests to the city feel as comfortable as possible.

Historic charm, solid luxury and excellent service are also the distinctive features of the Fairmont Hotel Vier Jahreszeiten, the world famous luxury hotel on the Inner Alster Lake. Dating back to 1897, today, this top class hotel offers as many as 156 rooms and suites. The furnishings pay tribute to the tradition of the hotel, and yet the rooms present themselves in a young, detail-loving design with all modern technological conveniences. A spa and a gym, two bars, a cafe in Biedermeier style, a modern hotel lounge and three restaurants make this luxury hotel a marvellous place to relax in style.

Fairmont Hotel Vier Jahreszeiten, Neuer Jungfernsteig 9-14, D-20354, Hamburg www.hvj.de The SIDE Hotel is the first and only designer hotel in Hamburg that can boast not only 5 stars, but also a ‘Superior’ rating.

Established in 2001, the SIDE is located opposite the Hamburg State Opera, in close proximity to the Inner Alster Lake, the Gansemarkt and the popular shopping areas of the city centre. With 178 rooms and suites that incorporate four categories, the SIDE excels at combining luxury and design, as well as lifestyle and wellness.

Among connoisseurs it is believed that the hotel’s ‘meaty restaurant’ serves the best steak in town, while the colourful ‘meaty bar’ is renowned for its delectable drinks 82

and exquisite wines.

SIDE Hotel, Drehbahn 49, D-20354 Hamburg www.side-hamburg.de Superbude hostels can be found in two different districts of the city: one in St Pauli, in close proximity to countless pubs, bars and clubs, and one in St Georg, very centrally located and in the immediate vicinity of the central train station. Both branches offer double rooms, four-bed and six-bed rooms, as well as dormitories for backpackers. All rooms have en suite bathrooms including shower and toilet.

Drinks can be prepared in the ‘Kitchen Club’ – the hostel’s self catering lounge, which is also the place where travellers meet for breakfast, for coffee, for a beer, or simply for a little chat.

Superbude St Pauli, Juliusstrasse 1-7, D-22769 Hamburg Superbude St Georg. Spaldingstrasse 152, D-20097 Hamburg www.superbude.de

The Rock ‘n Roll Hotel Kogge likes to refer to itself as a ‘hotel for musicians, bands and open minded travellers’. The hotel, which is situated in the middle of St Pauli, also hosts its own harbour pub.

Though small in size, the 12 rooms available are very cosy and functional. The rooms have individual names such as MatrosenKajute (Sailor’s Cabin), Honeckers Herrenzimmer (Honecker’s Club Room), and Burgfrauleinturm (Damsel’s Tower). The pub, which also functions as the reception, serves breakfast, drinks, finger food and cake. When the night sets in, international guests and locals meet to the tune of solid Rock ‘n Roll.

Kogge, Bernhard-Nocht-Strasse 59, D-20359 Hamburg www.kogge-hamburg.de

Food…

Seafood restaurants, culinary excursions through the world, regional organic cuisine, and the beautiful Hamburg atmosphere:

Hamburger Hof

Le Plat du Jour on Dornbusch has been well established for more than 15 years and represents yet another piece of France in Hamburg. In the style of a typical French brasserie, the menu includes such classics as Saucisson de Lyon, pot-au-feu, cassoulet, couscous de la mer or rump steak with pepper sauce.

The TaiTan Restaurant on the Kaiserkai in the HafenCity district offers authentic Thai cusines in a modern steel and glass setting with a view of the local Tall Ship Harbour.

All the chefs have received their training in first class Thai culinary schools. Just next door you will find the ChiliClub offering dishes such as sushi, Asian tapas, wok dishes and Dim Sum. Hamburg offers more than 1200 restaurants, with countless culinary highlights waiting to be explored.

Classic Hamburg dishes such as Hamburg Eel Soup and Hamburger Pannfisch as well as fresh North Sea fish dishes makes the long established traditional Fischerhaus on St Pauli Fischmarkt a wonderful place to eat. The same can be said for the Fischereihafen-Restaurant on Grosse Elbstrasse 143, a venue that has been particularly popular among celebrities for decades. It is situated directly at the Dockland landing stage.

The Bullerei on Lagerstrasse 34b, situated between the Hamburg Messe, the meat market and the Schanzenviertel, is where celebrity chef Tim Malzer enchants his guests with his creations. The restaurant menu includes specialities such as leg of veal, breast of duck and fillet of plaice. In the old days the building served as a cattle hall for Hamburg’s main slaughterhouse. For the purpose of the restaurant, the derelict building was restored beautifully.

The restaurant Eisenstein on Friedensallee 9 in the district of Ottensen has been a local hotspot for more than 20 years now.

Situated inside the Zeisehallen, a former factory for ship propellers that has carefully been restored, the venue is now a meeting place for people from the film and cultural scene, and for politicians and entrepreneurs.

The Eisenstein’s legendary wood ovenbaked pizza is something that all guests agree on. But the Eisenstein also invites you to try their modern international cuisine, with dishes such as bread-crusted Barberie breast of duck with green asparagus and rosé oyster mushrooms, fried scallop in tongue of veal, or cold watercress soup with tuna and quails’ eggs – just to name a few!

Shopping…

Experience shopping in Hamburg: luxury shops on grand boulevards, a relaxed stroll through elegant shopping arcades, original, young fashion directly from designers, quirky antiques from Hamburg’s rich past.

Or maybe you would prefer eco-friendly

garments straight from the manufacturers and small specialist shops? In any event, when you go shopping in Hamburg, you are spoiled for choice!

Grand Boulevards Large Kontorhaus buildings and broad promenades – Hamburg’s inner city boulevards have a long tradition. The Jungfernstieg along the inner Alster Lake is Hamburg’s most renowned and most traditional shopping boulevard. It owes its name (which can be translated as Maiden’s Walk) to the single daughters of well-to-do Hamburg families, who would take their Sunday walk on this promenade in the old days. Today, the Jungfernstieg is all about shopping in distinguished retail shops and large department stores such as the famous Alsterhaus.

The Hamburger Hof shopping arcades adjacent to the Jungfernsteig serves as an example of Hanseatic elegance. Here, exclusive specialist shops are waiting to serve you, offering shoes, leather and travel accessories, as well as the finest jewellery.

Mönckebergstrasse is Hamburg’s major shopping mile. The Mö, as the locals fondly call this street, has been the central link between the town hall and the central train station since 1909. The buildings on Mönckebergstrasse pay witness to the city’s merchants’ pride and economic stability. And even today, this boulevard displays an impressive variety of large department stores, fashion boutiques, retail shops, cafe’s and food stalls. The Leveantehaus is among the city’s smallest and finest shopping arcades and is home to the maritime children’s shop Hansekind.

The streets adjacent to the Mö also provide ample opportunities for discovery, among then Gertrudenstrasse, Rosenstrasse, Hermannstrasse and Paulstrasse with their antiques shops, galleries, and book and record shops. Rich in art galleries and elegant retail shops, the Kontorhaus Quarter at Burchardplatz is another area of town that is well worth visiting.

Credit: www.hamburg.de

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