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December 19, 2012 #161

THE WEEK PG 31

FAMILY CHRISTMAS DINNER PG 37 ELIMINATING INFLUENZA PG 47 Bobby Blair Publisher Kevin Hopper Associate Publisher Cliff Dunn Editor Contributors Duncan St. Thibault, Tom Bonanti, Andy Kress, Adam Strong, Robert Elias Deaton, Richard David Chamberlain, Justin Jones, Grant James, Alex Vaughn Editorial Photographers Dennis Dean, Stephen Kuttner, Ginger Milligan Art Department Niki Lopez Graphic Designer Sales Display Advertising sales@guymag.net - 954-380-8563 x2101 Keith Chamlee 954-380-8563 x2111 National Sales Rivendell Media National Ad Representatives 212-242-6863 Display Deadlines Ad Production Request: Wednesday, Noon Camera-Ready Ads: Friday, Noon Classifieds Deadlines Text Ad Placement: Thursday, Noon Classified Display Ad Production/Placement Request: Thursday, Noon Camera-Ready Classified Display Ad: Friday, Noon Media Board of Advisors Alan Beck, Keith Blackburn, Robert Boo, Reece Darham, Terry DeCarlo, Richard Hack, Kevin Hopper, Paul Hugo, Peter Jackson, Krishan Manners, Mark Negrete, Jackson Padgett, Gary Santis, Jason Tamanini, Brett Tannenbaum, Dean Trantalis, Victor Zepka Main Office 2435 N Dixie Hwy, Wilton Manors, FL 33305 Phone 954-380-8563 Fax 954-380-8567 editor@guymag.net

@TheGuyMag www.guymag.net

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Opinions expressed by advertisers, columnists, feature writers or other contributors are not necessarily the opinions of Multimedia Platforms, LLC or its staff. All advertisements, pictures, text and illustrations are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized and have secured proper written consent for use thereof. Multimedia Platforms, LLC shall not be held responsible for any errors, loss or expense or liabilities on advertisements accepted after the weekly deadline. Publication of the name, photograph of any person, or advertisement contained in this issue is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such person, advertiser, or organization. Partial or complete reproduction of any advertisement, news article, feature, or photograph from Multimedia Platforms is strictly prohibited. Multimedia Platforms, LLC is a registered trademark. A $30 or 1.5% (whichever is greater) fee will be charged for all NSF checks. © 2012, Multimedia Platforms LLC. All rights reserved.


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THE SCENE

Christmas Pre-Game:

Don We Now Our Gay Apparel By Alex Vaughn Wednesday, December 12 began a whirlwind week of events. We made the Yuletide gay, joining local living legend Jennifer McClain and nationally-noted singer/songwriter Richard Cortez for an evening of live music, kazoos, sing-a-longs, holiday cheer, slide whistles, bow-ties, “awful” knock-knock jokes, sexy bartenders, parodies, and more, all at Dudes! December 13, Thursday, was a busy one: first up was the LBT (Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender) Women’s Health Initiative Launch at the Pride Center at Equality Park. On hand to usher in this crucial health Web resource were local activist Bishop and Pride Center Deputy Director Kristopher Fegenbush who said, “The idea and the core of the project is to make a community.” The Tri-County LBT Website is funded by the Aqua Foundation for Women, and is an on-line, searchable database directory. The Initiative provides necessary tools for LBT health consumers to access healthcare without fear or social stigma by accessing culturally competent providers. Ellen Slavin from the Pride Center said of the project’s success, “The aim was to get 50 health care providers from each county, [and] we ended up with over 100 from each! Many people want to be included.” The food at the event was provided by Shawn and Nick’s Courtyard Café. And speaking of Shawn and Nick: Nick Berry himself confirmed the sale of his and Shawn Bombard’s south-end-of-the-Drive operation, Gelato Station, to an out-of-state concern which will relaunch the venerable frozen treat shop—in the next few days, or is it minutes?—as Double Dippers, which has plans to carry a line of delicious frigida incognita (Latin for “unknown frozen treats,” or something) that includes the Hershey’s Ice Cream line! How do you say “yummy” in Ancient Greek? Meet the New Boss: The Scene has learned that Wilton’s Bier Garden (or is it Weizenbiergarten? My editor loves Die Vater-tongue…) has been sold. More to come! Nick Berry, Part III: The Comfort Food Co-King and life partner Joe Bush hosted their annual Holiday soiree at their home this Saturday. The invitation-only affair honored friends and associates and likewise served as an additional collection point for Courtyard’s annual toy and bicycle drive to benefit Kids in Distress. Over 100 bikes were lined up this Monday (December 17) in front of their flagship restaurant before they were delivered by truck to the child welfare service organization on NE. 26

o

Richard Cortez

Street in Wilton Manors. Photographer Michael Murphy was on hand last week, capturing pictures at the Wilton Manors Holiday Tree Lighting Ceremony in Hagen Park, which marked for many the official beginning of the holiday season! Last week, the Law Offices of George Castrataro and Lyons, Snyder, and Collin hosted the 2nd Annual Giving Back to Broward Winter Charity Event benefiting the United Way of Broward County. Guests enjoyed wine, cocktails and hors d’oeuvres while supporting a worthy cause. The event was held at Market 17 on 17th Street Causeway. Do You See What I See? Lest we forget, Guy Magazine and the Florida Agenda marked our holiday party at Dapur Lounge and Asian Tapas on North Federal Highway. Among those festive and accounted for was Dr. Alan Schaffer of Island City Eyecare, fashion stylist Anthony Bermudez, Krishan Manners from Wilton Manors Development Alliance—and the Island City Art Walk—as well as Agenda alumnus Brad Casey. Guy Publisher Bobby Blair said, “We feel that 2012 has been a breakthrough year for us. The overwhelming support we have received over the year, and from the crowd at the party, shows we are on the right track to building a team of community businesses.” SAIA (pronounced “Saya,” but we suspect it has something to do with it being on South A-1-A) at the B Ocean Hotel was the site of the December 11 Mack Mixer. Among the guests who enjoyed the Kettel One-sponsored event were local power couple Kevin Murdoch and Drew Miller, as well as Michael Faerber.

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CLICK

Holidays Over Ice

Lords of the Manor: 4th Anniversary Pre-Game

Warren’s “Scandalous” Smile (Woof!) John “Makos” You and Me Smile

Stocking Stuffer: Johnny’s Makes the Yuletide Gay

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Warming Up for the Emperor’s Ball at The Manor


Photos by Stephen Kuttner, Ginger Milligan and Chris Caputo

CLICK

Photos by Stephen Kuttner

Gay Men’s Chorus of South Florida’s “Mighty Sounds”

Steppin’ at Scandals Saloon

What’s Their Alibi? Christopher, Chris and Patrick

GMCSF Donning Their Gay Holiday Apparel

Hot Dawg! Dr. Alan Shaffer and Friends

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CLICK

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Another fun night at Johnny’s

Photos by Stephen Kuttner


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The Manor Anniversary

Photos by Ginger Milligan


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Gay Men’s Chorus of South Florida

Photos by Stephen Kuttner


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THE WEEK

B G J Carrie Underwood, Poisoned Nuns (in Drag!), and the Drunken Santas Come to Town: The Week 12/19 to 12/26/2012 y

rant ames

Cast of Jersey Boys at the Kravis Center on December 19th Photo courtesy of Kravis Center

Wednesday

12/19

Jersey Boys (Not to be Confused with “Jersey Shore” Boys)  oOne of the most internationally popular bands of the 60s, for decades The Four Seasons were on top of their game. Aside from The Beatles, this boy band thatbirthed-all-others was one of the bestselling musical groups of all time, selling 175 million records worldwide. A Broadway cast brings to life a Frankie Valli & Co. as they rise to fame, and experience all of the hardships that come with it. December 19 and 20, at the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts, 701 Okeechobee Blvd., West Palm Beach.

____________________ Thursday

12/20

“Nunsense, A-Men!” Drag, Nuns—and Botchalism oA musical comedy that could be sub-titled “Mrs. Doubtfire Enters the Convent,” this hilarious drag remake of “Nunsense” begins when the convent cook accidentally poisons 51 of the sisters, and the surviving nuns are forced to perform a variety show to raise funds for the 51 burials. (Pretty run-of-the-mill story, right?) A cast of nuns in drag makes this show a habit of a different color. Catch the preview on December 20 at 8 p.m., at Andrews Living Arts Studio, 23 NW 5 St., Fort Lauderdale, with shows running Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays and special weekend performances, as well as one on New Year’s Eve at 5 p.m. THE WEEK continues on page 34

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THE WEEK ____________________ ____________________ Friday

12/21

Sunday

12/23

“Side By Side By Sondheim” Heads South for the Winter

Splatter-Rama: A Horror Film Buff’s (Bloody) Wet Dream

oStephen Sondheim is widely considered to be one of the best composers and lyricists in the history of musical theater. From the music for “West Side Story” to “Sweeney Todd,” Sondheim’s body of work is as diverse as it is timeless. Musical theater junkies will love this revue, which includes numbers from “Follies,” “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum,” “Company,” “West Side Story,” and more. At 8 p.m., at The Byron Carlyle, 500 71st Street, Miami Beach.

oIf you’re looking for the perfect ‘anti-holiday’ celebration, Splatter-Rama might be right up your alley. The monthly double horror film fest is featuring the cult classics “Sleepaway Camp” and “Silent Night, Deadly Night.” With food trucks, a live band, and a Movie Swap (which is the perfect opportunity to sell or trade some of those horror movies of which you’ve grown bored—“Another disemboweling? Yawn.”). At Cinema Paradiso, 503 SE 6 St., Fort Lauderdale.

____________________

Substitute Santa: Darth Vader at Tate’s Comics 

Saturday

12/22

Carrie Underwood’s “Blown Away” Tour Hopes to Do That to You o“American Idol” Carrie Underwood is one of the many artists who are working hard to give country music a youthful appeal once again. Underwood won Season 4 of “Idol” by a landslide, and with good reason. She’s a triple threat: beauty, talent, and a likeable personality make her a force to be reckoned with. (Plus, she’ll key the crap out of your car if you cheat on her.) At 7 p.m., at the BB&T Center (formerly the BankAtlantic Center) in Sunrise.

SantaCon: Santa Claus is Coming to Town (and He’s Bringing His Friends) oLike a pub crawl Tim Burton-style, this “Santapocalypse” will kick off at 4 p.m. in Fort Lauderdale’s Huizenga Park for a holly jolly picnic (and we assume some pre-gaming), and then they’re off. A red-andwhite (and maybe “donned in gay apparel?”) bedecked flash mob of Santas will take over downtown, making pit stops that will include (in the words of one event organizer), “zombies [and a] cyberpunk Santa party the likes of [which has] never before [been] witnessed on this Earth.” If you’re looking for a fun time to get dressed liked Ol’ Saint Nick (and get a little boozy—attendees are told they should retire driving their sleighs for the night), this is as close as you’ll get to the real thing.

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oHonestly: How many more holiday pictures with Santa can you post on the mantle (and the fridge, the bathroom cabinets, and the door to Daddy’s “special room”)? If you’re looking for a holiday picture with a less “Kringley” theme you’re in luck, because Darth Vader is taking on his most difficult role yet: “Substitute Santa Claus.” Tate’s Comics (4566 N University Dr., Lauderhill) aims to please and their final Substitute Santa for December is no exception. Come in between 1 and 3 p.m. for your free holiday picture with Santa Baby—er, “Vadey.” (We imagine persuading the Sith Lord to “ho-hoho”-it was no day at the beach, but we’re happy he gave in to the Dark Side.)

Sunset and Holiday Lights Gay Tea Cruise  oSet sail for a pre-Christmas Carrie cruise featuring Underwood entertainment by drag sensations Marvin Nathan, Deja Devonier, and Velvet Lenore, with music, a free buffet, and a free drink at Matty’s after the cruise. The biggest draw: You won’t get stuck on open waters for days on end. Leaving at 5 p.m., returning at 8—this is our kind of cruise. Group rates available. Departs from 540 SE 5 Ave., Fort Lauderdale.


THE WEEK ____________________ Monday

12/24

The Arsht Center’s Got Wood: House Theatre of Chicago’s “The Nutcracker” oDescribed as “more nightmare than dream,” and “no simple sugar plum” production, this reinventing of the holiday classic is set in the present day, and is not a ballet but a contemporary holiday theater piece weaving together riveting dialogue, astonishing puppetry, original songs and spellbinding spectacle to tell a darkly moving story of magic and hope. At 4 p.m., at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts, 1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami.

____________________ Tuesday

12/25

The Palace South Beach is Dreaming of a White Christmas oHosted by Daisy Deadpetals and Athena Dion, this Christmas T-Dance starts at 4 p.m., with shows starting at 6. Featuring music by DJ Hansell Leyva, a full menu, and a special guest appearance by Alissa Lords— you won’t find a better party anyplace. Hopefully you’re not on Santa’s Shit-List, because you won’t want to miss this. At Palace, 1200 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach.

Daisy Deadpetals

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DINING

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DINING

‘Family’ Christmas Dinner ‘Tis the Season

By Richard David Chamberlain

o

Aside from the occasional fruitcake surprise in the stocking hung by the chimney with care, Christmas Day is an unbridled excuse to feast. Eating during the holiday season crescendos on December 25, with many traveling to share the turkey, ham, duck, and fatted pig with family and friends in momentous celebration. For those that want to leave the cooking to others, Guy Magazine is ready to help, No, silly, we’re not in the kitchen ourselves; but we do have several choice suggestions for your consideration of great places in town featuring Christmas Day feasts. Embassy Suites Fort Lauderdale (1100 SE 17th St.) is once again presenting its Christmas Buffet, noon to 7 p.m., in the decorated atrium restaurant, as well as outside seating. This is a traditional holiday meal with roasted turkey (with housemade stuffing), honey glazed ham with Jack Daniel’s brown sugar raisin sauce,  crusted grouper francaise with a lemon-wine caper sauce, and carved to order round of beef handrubbed in peppercorns. Of course, there’s the usual salads, veggies, cheeses, soups and desserts. The all-you-care-toeat buffet is $29.95 with beverages additional. Reservations: 954-527-2700. Ritz-Carlton Fort Lauderdale (1 N Fort Lauderdale Beach Blvd.) presents its elegant ocean view Christmas Brunch from noon to 3 p.m. in the Via Luna Restaurant on the Lobby Level. With the accent on fresh seafood, this elaborate buffet includes crab claws, oysters on the half-shell, king crab legs, and jumbo shrimp from the raw bar. The Via Luna chefs will be hand carving bourbon glazed ham and roasted prime rib, with entrees including roast pork loin, horseradish-crusted salmon, and chicken with foie gras demi-glaze. And did we mention the caviar and blinis, plus soup, salads, and sushi made to order? Who needs turkey? The price is a steep $95 per person, but remember it’s the Ritz, and they do validate for parking. Reservations: 954-302-6460.

Tropics Restaurant & Piano Bar (2000 Wilton Drive, Wilton Manors) is open 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. on Christmas Day with a special menu. Ovenroasted turkey or –spiral-sliced ham are featured at $23 each, while prime rib of beef or swordfish scampi tally in at $28 each on the holiday menu. Tropics Shrimp and Scallop Penne Pasta may be slightly untraditional, but no less delicious at $27. If Daddy’s picking up the check, there’s always the option of Filet Mignon at $32 or the Grilled Rack of Lamb at $34. Of course, Tropics will have their pastry chef working overtime on delicious desserts, so indulge. Reservations: 954-537-6000. Royal Palms Resort & Spa (717 Breakers Ave.) has a traditional $25 prix fixe menu with reservations available at 1 p.m., 3 p.m., and 5 p.m. seatings. This specially prepared meal from chef Justin Mathys was a sell-out during its Thanksgiving trial run, and Christmas will be no less popular. It’s family-style seating as this all-gay resort brings holiday casual to a new level of sophistication. With sunshine predicted and a high of 80 degrees, you just know that a post-meal dip in the pool is likely. No, you don’t have to wait an hour after eating. Those were the old rules. Reservations: 954-564-6444.

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DINING

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BAR MAP 40

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4) BOOM 2232 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

11) LIPS 1421 E Oakland Park Blvd 15) MONKEY BUSINESS 2740 N Andrews Ave Oakland Park Fort Lauderdale 12) THE MANOR COMPLEX 16) NAKED GRAPE 2345 Wilton Drive 2163 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors Wilton manors

8) DUDES 3270 NE 33rd St Fort Lauderdale

7) DEPOT CABANA BAR AND GRILL 2935 N Federal Hwy Fort Lauderdale

14) MONA’S 502 E Sunrise Blvd Fort Lauderdale

13) MATTY’S ON THE DRIVE 2426 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

3) BOARDWALK 1721 N Andrews Ave Fort Lauderdale

9) INFINITY LOUNGE 2184 WIlton Drive Wilton Manors

10) JOHNNY’S 1116 W Broward Blvd Fort Lauderdale

5) CORNER PUB 1915 N Andrews Ave Wilton Manors

2) BILL’S FILLING STATION 6) CUBBY HOLE 2209 Wilton Drive 823 N Federal Hwy Wilton Manors Fort Lauderdale

1) ALIBI 2266 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

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21) SCANDALS SALOON 3073 NE 6th Ave Wilton Manors

18) PJ’S CORNER POCKET 924 North Flagler Drive 22) SIDELINES Wilton Manors 2031 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors 19) RAMROD 1508 NE 4th Ave 23) SMARTY PANTS Fort Lauderdale 2400 E Oakland Park Blvd Fort Lauderdale 20) ROSIE’S BAR & GRILL 2449 Wilton Drive 24) THE STABLE Wilton Manors 205 E Oakland Park Blvd Fort Lauderdale

17) NEW MOON 2440 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

27) WILTON’S BIER GARDEN 2245 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

VILLAGE PUB 2283 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

26) TROPICS 2000 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

25) TORPEDO 2829 W Broward Blvd Fort Lauderdale


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TRAVEL

San Francisco Part III

South of Market —Another World By Robert Elias Deaton

o

For all of its sophistication, elegant eateries, cultural events and spectacular architecture, San Francisco does have its dirty underbelly. It’s located South of Market Street (SOMA) and stretches from an area called the Tenderloin down toward the sheshe shopping of Union Square. In between, you’ll find the theater district, art galleries, strip joints, bathhouses, prostitutes, drug dealers and a fascinating mix of well-heeled metrosexuals and unhealed drug addicts. Add the highest crime rate in the city per capita, and you’re got the real world—San Francisco style. Into this topiary of high traffic and rooming houses are some of the city’s most down and dirty clubs and bars. No need to break out the Abercrombie and Fitch for a visit to SOMA. You’ll either be dressed-to-the nines for the theater and dinner, or barely dressed at all for the leather bars and sleaze pits that spell unadulterated fun. Leading the list is Powerhouse (1357 Folsom St. between 9th & 10th). What at first glance (and smell) resembles a dive turns into an entirely different adventure when you leave the small main bar and venture (at your own risk) to the small patio area out back. While officially it’s the smoking area, in reality it’s the closest you’ll find to a European back room in the city. It’s dark and dirty with more panky than hanky in a no-holdsbarred sexflex. Thursday night is underwear night, with drink specials for those in their skivvies. For biker bears and the leather crowd, SOMA houses Lone Star Saloon (1354 Harrison St.), a bar with a legacy larger than its space. In business since just before Adam met Eve, the Lone Star calls itself a “watering hole” but it’s more bike stop than horse trough. The back patio at the Lone Star gets action as well, albeit of the hairier sort. At 1015 Folsom (a club space whose name is its address), the music sizzles right along with the pill poppers who rave all night to the infamous circuit parties produced here. The space is cavernous and the fun factor is largely dependent on the

performing groups and the fans they attract. One constant at 1015 Folsom is the brusque staff who seem to think they’re more important than you are. They’re wrong. Lest you feel that there is nothing that moves beyond the gutter in SOMA, let us point out that our favorite restaurant in all of San Francisco is found there. Boulevard (1 Mission St.) is a gourmand’s dream that has raised the bar for fine cuisine for well over two decades. While this den of power brokers and socialites can get noisy, and is always busy, there is simply no finer place to dine in all of San Francisco. SOMA is also the home of much of San Francisco’s cutting edge theater. We have never seen a bad performance from the Smuin Ballet (44 Gough St. between Page St. & Rose St.), where traditional and contemporary ballet finds an ensemble home. The 16-dancer troupe is a team of individual soloists that meld into movement so precisely innovative as to be extraordinary. Cinematically, the Roxie Theater (3117 16th St. at Valencia St.) is a step back in time. Originally opened in 1909 as the C.H. Brown Theater, the 300-seat cinema has survived through silent films, talkies, and stage shows, and is now an art house showing a colorful blend of not-to-be missed films. Although technically in the Mission District, it’s still South of Market, and is a guaranteed gift you can give yourself—any day.

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We Are Now Open Until 9:00 P.M. Thursday & Friday Evenings

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HEALTH

Eliminating Influenza Giving the Boot to the Bug by Andy

Kress

o

Influenza or the flu has been wrecking havoc during the holidays for years, and at exactly the time you don’t want to get sick. This highly infectious and contagious virus has the potential to affect a wide majority of the population, and does, particularly in the winter months. Influenza tends to attack the upper respiratory tract, nose, throat and possibly the bronchi of the lungs. The toll the flu takes on the body varies from person to person, but seniors and children seem to have the most severe effects. There are many steps that can be taken to prevent and cure influenza. The most obvious is getting a flu shot; the least obvious and most ignored is through proper nutrition. Stress at home and at work negatively affects your overall health and tends to exacerbate flu symptoms. Being overworked (at either place) can lower your immune system’s resistance to fighting off infection, thus letting germs take over. Living and working in stuffy and cluttered areas leaves room for germs to contaminate the spaces you frequently touch and spread the flu virus quickly throughout the home or place of employment. Lack of proper exercise leaves the body weakened, not performing at its full capacity, making it tougher for your natural defenses to rid the body of the flu. These factors contribute to a toxic, run-down system that leaves you vulnerable to influenza’s ruthless onset. When influenza does strike, strike back with some fire power from the kitchen. During the first few days of uncomfortable conditions, try to abstain from all solid foods. Drinking only fruit and vegetable juices diluted with water--about a 50/50 ratio--for the first three to five days will help rid your body of the flu. Carrot and spinach juices have been found especially beneficial during this time. It is important to wash all fruits and vegetables before juicing as pesticides and other bacteria could be lurking. Increasing fruit intake will help cleanse the bowels and lower flu related fever by helping the body temperature go down. When the fever breaks and symptoms start to subside, an all-fruit diet should be implemented. Three meals a day of all fresh fruit should be consumed, such as apples, grapes, oranges, pears, pineapples, peaches, and melons for best results.

No other foods should be added at this time, so not to compromise the value of the treatment. Milk and dairy can be added after a few days of the all-fruit diet. After this period of time and the flu symptoms seem to subside other food groups can be re-instated, such as seeds, nuts, and grains. There are some foods and drinks that should be avoided during bouts of influenza. Bananas, stewed or tinned fruits should be avoided during the all fruit diet. Strong teas and coffees may over stimulate the system prolonging negative effects of the flu. Foods such as potatoes, any meats, rice, refined and processed foods will irritate the delicate digestive system the all fruit diet is trying to correct. Alcohol and tobacco are very detrimental during this time as well. Tobacco impedes the respiratory system from recovering from congestion influenza brings; and alcohol lowers the body’s immune system adversely effecting the recovery process. Good lifestyle choices before and after influenza’s unwanted invite should be maintained to prevent future reoccurrences. No one wants to be sick during the fun times surrounding the holidays, so taking the time to take care of your health is very important. Not only will your healthy co-workers and family members thank you, your own body will too.

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HEALTH

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HEALTH

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ADULT

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LOVE JONES

Letter from a Bathroom When Going to Visit, It’s Important to Know Where to Find the Exits by Justin Jones

o

I cannot abide by the environment-saving motto, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow; if it’s brown, flush it down.” If anything, it should be altered to say, “If it’s clear, let it mellow. If it’s yellow, it smells as bad as if it was brown.” But I guess that doesn’t rhyme. No. Get rid of it. If something comes out of your body and into the bowl, I don’t care what it is, flush that shit down (no pun intended). My apologies to those who take offense to so crude a notion—I’m sure the five gallons of water you’re saving with every flush is well worth the … lingering. A friend of mine has a rule which I learned while visiting her on vacation. She broke the news to me after dinner on the first evening of my stay. “We’re ready for our check,” I said to the waiter. BAM! This was when she jumped in and dropped the bombshell. Listen to how elegantly she put it: “So, Justin, I know you’re a little wasteful.” Huh? She can’t be serious, but she sounds like she is being that way. Is she talking about my asparagus? (It wasn’t very good, so I didn’t eat all of it.) “I’m green now,” she began. “Now don’t give me that look,” she rushed on, a little on the defensive. “I’m really trying to be better about all that. I’m recycling a lot now. I try to use only bio-degradable products. And—” she swallows because she knows this may not go over well—“I’m trying to save water.” This is clearly not the girl I knew from college: I’ve never seen her so serious in all my life. (And as an aside, if she cares so much about the environment, why is she dangerously close to breaking EPA mandates with all that hairspray she’s wearing?) “Okay,” I responded tentatively. “So how are you saving water?” “Shorter showers, that kind of thing,” she replied. “Oh, okay, well that’s cool. I take quick showers,” I offered with some relief. “I thought you were going to be one of those ‘yellow mellow, brown down’ people.” As if straight out of a movie, she looked me

dead in the eyes and said, “I am.” (Camera zooms into a close-up of her face, background fades to blur.) Understand my horror when I realized that I had to live with this. For. Five. Full. Days. Soon after I settled into her house (which was dimly lit and hot as hell, of course), I faced my new nemesis for the first time: A toilet. Something I’d seen a million times in my life, but which now seemed so foreign. What exactly are the nuances of this rule? Am I allowed to flush after two yellows? Is it three, or more? And what about—pardon my bluntness— toilet paper? Am I allowed only one square, or two? And, oh dear, what of the “post-game show?” Does she have a timer on the sink to calculate how many minutes I’m allowed to wash my hands? Industrialized world, vain, superficial paranoia set in on that first night of my stay as I reflected on these matters. I thought about simply ignoring her rule, but her bedroom was within earshot of my flushing opponent, the throne. It was then that I decided to do what any wasteful friend would: I went downstairs and found a good—and unlimited—use for the porcelain conveyance in the coffee shop downstairs. Another win-win situation: Now that’s how I spell “relief.”

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ADULT

BODY RUBS

YOUNG MILITARY DUDE!! Strong Top! 28 y/o, 5’8, 170. Cuban/Puerto Rican, Beautiful Face, Tan Skin, Brown Eyes, Awesome Body. Well Hung, straight-acting, NO Attitude, Very Discrete. Anything Goes! Alex 786-319-7665 STRONG BLACK HANDS: Erotic Body Rubs, Body Hair Trimming, Pedicures, 7 days/ 10 AM-MID $80/In, $100/Out. Get intimately pampered by RICO 954-536-5138. www. strongblackhands.com NEED MORE CLIENTS? This space can be yours for as low as $79 per month. Call the Guy Magazine office today for more information at 954-380-8563.

BODY GROOMING

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PRO SERVICES MOVING

RED BOX MOVING – OWNER IN TRUCK ON EVERY MOVE. CALL NORBERT DIRECTLY. Affordable, Reliable, Careful. MV#567/INSURED. (954)305-9176 or (561)506-5540 www.redboxmoving.com

HOME IMPROVEMENT

DEREK’S 24-HR HANDYMAN SERVICE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT AND VACATION RENTAL Introducing our new cabinet shop! For all your custom made cabinetrycountertops laminates. You must see our work, just ask our clients. All electrical to code, ANY & ALL plumbing work, Drywall finish work / repair. Crown/ baseboard pro-install, interior/ exterior painting, demo work, Pressure washing, Decor tile install, Complete home up-dates. For large jobs, 4-man crew available. WE CAN HANDLE IT ALL! Instant call back, direct service response. No job is ever too small. Excellent references. Derek (954) 825-5598

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AUTO

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PRO SERVICES

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PRO SERVICES

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PRO SERVICES

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PRO SERVICES

We're Hands-on Men

John

relaxation

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PRO SERVICES

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REAL ESTATE

ACCOMODATIONS

RENT/LEASE WILTON MANORS DUPLEX- 2/1 & 1/1! Private parking, CAC, W/D, terrazzo floors, fenced yard for your dog! great location! 2/1-$1499/mo. F/L/$500 Sec. Dep. 1/1-$800/mo. F/L/$500 Sec. Dep. Call (954)553-8616 jegaray@aol.com OAKLAND PARK/NORTH ANDREWS GARDENS-3/2 CAC, Marble floors thru-out! Large fenced yard is perfect for your pets! New bathrooms. $1400/ mo. F/L/$500 Sec. Dep. Call (954)553-8616 or email jegaray@aol.com APARTMENT FOR RENT. HOLLYWOOD. 1 Bedroom, 1 Bathroom apartment. Cleaned and painted. Washer / Dryer. Private patio and yard. Off street parking. Quiet area. $850 per month. Sterling Realty Management phone: 954-990-0612 FORT LAUDERDALE / DANIA BEACH 2 Bedroom, 1 Bathroom apartment. Clean, fenced yard, off street parking. $950 per month. Sterling Realty Management - phone: 954-990-0612 ROYAL PARK Near Wilton Manors 1BR/1.5BA, $825-$900/mo. 2BR/2BA, $950 $1100/mo. Gated Security, Clubhouse, Pools, Gym, Sauna and Steam room. Pets OK. Cable/Water/Trash incl. Call Naim Naqi, Realtor RWSF Realty 954.565.2025. RENT/LEASE-FURNISHED HOUSING PERFECT RELOCATION RENTALS From $325/week – October/November Special. Beautiful Studio, 1 & 2 BR Apts. Turnkey, fully furnished & equipped, clothing optional pool, laundry, parking. Close to Gay & Nude Beaches. Pets Welcome. Incl. utilities, cable, tel., Wi-Fi Internet. 954-927-0090 or visit www.LibertySuites.com ROOMATE/WILTON MANORS Private room w/private bed and all access. Non smoker prefered. Walk to Wilton Drive! $750/month includes everything. Call Jim (954) 563-3626 Sun-Thurs after 6pm. Fri/Sat anytime. N.E. FT. LAUDERDALE-WILTON MANOR AREA Lovely, IMMACULATE, 1/1 tile floors, a/c, washer/dryer available, cable ready, water, garbage pest control included, private patio, gay friendly, NO PETS, please $725. By appointment (954) 592-3772 WILTON MANORS 2/2 Tile floors, central heating & air, pool - clothing optional. 9 unit gay complex. Small dogs ok. One year lease $875.00 mo. 201 NW 25th St. 954-326-9096

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RENT/LEASE

RENTALS FORT LAUDERDALE RENTALS RENTALS RENTALS 1/1 Lakeview Club W/D, Pet friendly $825, 2/2 Wilton Manors W/D in unit $1100, 2/1 Single Family Home Tamarac Lake North $1100-$1200, 3/1 Waterfront Remodeled Hollywood $1795, 3/2 + Den, Coral Ridge Isles $2300, 3/2/2 Car Garage, pool/spa, Waterfront Pointsetta Heights $3300. Call Gordon Brestein 954-614-7976 or Todd Greeninger 954-294-1569. BHG Real Estate. LARGE REMODELED 2BD/1BA Duplex w/ Central A/C, dishwasher, microwave,fans, tile, private patio, Ample Parking, No Pets, No Smoking, $975 / mo fls Call Ken 954-682-9428or 954249-1181. WILTON MANORS DUPLEX extra Clean 2/1+ office/den/extra bd rm. Newer kitchen and appliances. Microwave, D/W, laundry facil. New Central A/c, tile floors, ceiling fans. Fenced yard,small pet welcome. Water/lawn included. Residential area $1100/ month. 954-226-8315 (Bill) or 954-805-8891 (Dennis) Blueboy1st@ hotmail.com Owner/Agent LARGE 2BR/1BA Open gourmet kitchen w/ smooth-top stove,D/W, Crisp white cabinets. Tile floors, Central Air, Private Patio, onsite laundry, pets ok, $1180 month F/S. Owner/ License 954-448-9811 WILTON MANORS GAY COMPLEX Ground Floor 1BD/ 1BA super clean condo. Central Air, Dishwasher, Tile Floors. Heated Pool, Laundry on site. Pet Ok. One block to Wilton Drive. $795/ Month. $2190 moves you in. 954-600-0620 2BD/1BA, 3RD FLOOR CORNER UNIT 2 assigned parking spaces, rear paved patio, utility room. Convenient to all. $950/mo. Call (954)566-1423 POINSETTIA HEIGHTS 2/2 duplex, C/A, washer/dryer, upgraded granite kitchen. Non smoker-perfect for roommate 954-563-1576 DUPLEX for Rent Very Charming, 600 sq. ft. Dishwasher, huge private backyard. Pets (with prior approval). $795.00 mo. 1st, last & security deposit required. Call 954-632-6662.


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REAL ESTATE

TAXES ACCOUNTING

FINANCIAL

BUS I N E S S PE R S O N A L I R S I S SU E S BO O K K E E P I N G

954.667.9TAX

www.SterlingAccounting.com

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60 Over 50 X Closings to Date! COCONUT CREEK

D OL

Why we continue to be successful

Sold For $180,000

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IMPERIAL POINT

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Sold For $352,000

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We’ve got you covered on the internet and in social media.

NORTH ANDREWS GARDENS

D

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Sold For $188,000

POMPANO BEACH

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Sold For $380,000

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WILTON STATION

Sold For $365,000

Photo?

We have developed a new website that allows us to feature your home on our landing page. Our weekly website visitors are from not only the USA, but many South America countries, Canada and Europe. We also utilize Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo, Zillow, Trulia and more!” Gary B. Lanham President & Broker

RENTAL PROPERTy FORT LAUDERDALE

Photo?

Sold $349,000

954.530.8198 www.lanhamassociates.com 3242 NE 12th Avenue, Oakland Park, FL 33334 BiLiNguAL SALES StAFF

gary Lanham

President & Broker

Anthony Mas Agent

Denise Jackson Agent

Peter Pritchard Agent

Deena Milgram Agent

Jeffrey Yunis, Esq. Broker Associate

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Guy Magazine Issue 161