Nola Family Magazine - May 2020

nola family Parent Fearlessly

May 2020

It's That Time !

Celebrating Mother’s Day at Home

FAMILY FAVORITES READERS’ SURVEY

P. 18

P. 9

CO-PARENTING DURING COVID-19

Creativity During Quarantine

P. 10

NOLA KIDS EXPRESS

THEMSELVES P. 5

Cooking with Kids P. 22

YOU HAVE A BABY, I DON’T

CHERISHING

IS THAT A RELATIONSHIP

FAMILY TIME

ROADBLOCK?

P. 12

P. 14

Ho

ro

f s r e o m m o T c ou e p

From every healthcare hero that walks our halls to every patient that gets to go home, hope is all around us.

www.nolafamily.com

| may 2020

Through hurricanes and global pandemics, Touro remains New Orleans’ hospital for over 167 years. Good health, expert care, New Orleans babies, and hope–it all comes from Touro.

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Read our stories of hope, meet our healthcare heroes, and learn how Touro is keeping our community healthy.

touro.com/hope

publisher/editor ANN BOWER HERREN ann@nolafamily.com

managing editor TREVOR WISDOM trevor@nolafamily.com

office manager JENNY ZIGLIN

Contr ibutors LAURA CLAVERIE, also known as Nola Family’s Hip Grannie, is a journalist who has written for local, regional, and national media.

jenny@nolafamily.com

LISA PHILLIPS, a licensed social and parent educator at

advertising sales DURBAN ZAUNBRECHER

The Parenting Center at Children’s Hospital, is a contributor to the award-winning “Parenting Corner” column. She can be reached at 504.896.9591; chnola.org/parentingcenter.

durban@nolafamily.com

JORDAN WHITE jordan@nolafamily.com

designer CAT LANDRUM 2ND STORY CREATIVE edit intern GRAHAM ANDREAE GABRIELLA KILLETT ad production SARA YOUNGBLOOD contributing photography TWIRL PHOTOGRAPHY

For reprint information, contact

KAREN L. RANCOURT, PH.D. writes the advice column, Ask Dr. Gramma Karen, hosted by GRAND Magazine and Mommybites.com. Her columns focus on the unique relationships and issues that develop between young parents, grandparents, and grandchildren, and how to resolve them.

Author of six books, her latest is It’s All About Relationships: New Ways to Make Them Healthy and Fulfilling, at Home and at Work.

SUE STRACHAN has been writing about New Orleans for more than 25 years. This is her first article for Nola Family. She has been an editor or writer at Uptown/Mid-City Messenger, The Times-Picayune (as Society Editor), St. Charles Avenue, New Orleans Homes & Lifestyles, and New Orleans Magazine.

A graduate of Newcomb College at Tulane University, she was one of those students who left and came back, realizing her mistake of leaving New Orleans.

ann@nolafamily.com Business Office:

8131 Oak St., Ste. 500, New Orleans, LA 70118

GRAHAM ANDREAE & GABRIELLA KILLETT are our amazing editorial interns at Nola Family.

504.866.0555 A publication of

The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and/or contributors, and do not necessarily reflect those of the magazine or its advertisers.

may 2020 | www.nolafamily.com

april 2020 volume 14, issue 4

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nola family CONTENTS M AY 2 0 2 0

Spring Cleaning, now more than ever, our homes need it!

P. 21

FEATURES

IN EACH ISSUE

9 Family Favorites Readers’ Survey

11 In the Know

We Want to Hear from You!

10 Co-Parenting during COVID-19

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16 Parenting Corner

Strategies to Keep Family

| may 2020

14

www.nolafamily.com

EDUCATION & GUIDANCE

Advice for the “New Normal”

Cooking with Your Kids

Kitchen Tips and Resources

by Age Group

4

Keeping Active and Engaged at Home

Can We Still Be Friends?

When a New Baby Changes the Friendship Dynamic

18 Mother’s Day in Quarantine Homemade and Local Gifts to Show Mom Your Love

23 Spring Cleaning Organizing and Setting Systems is the Key

Bonds Strong

21 Hip Grannie

Take-Aways for Family Quarantine Coping

22 Learning During a Crisis

Being Mindful to Beat the Stress

24 Ask Gramma Karen

Communicating with an Unsupportive Mother-in-Law

ON THE COVER (L-R), Mary Spera, Sophia (12), Sam (10), Celia (8), and Keith together at their Lakeview home for a special ‘Stay Home’ family portrait with Jennifer Zdon of Twirl Photography.

y t i v i t Creain the time of NEW ORLEANS KIDS ARE INSPIRED AND EXPRESSIVE WHILE LIVING UNDER WRAPS

Covid-19

Unfinished You’ve never felt this feeling before. This feeling of unfinished-ness.

You think about it as you lie there, sipping your water to help cure that incurable feeling that you should be doing something.

You try and tell your mom what you’re feeling at the moment, but you just can’t put it into words.

When you try and describe it, that sensation, it isn’t to answer your mom’s question that shall remain unanswered, it is to try and satisfy yourself.

You fidget, you shift around, you hum, but you always feel you should be doing something.

You look around that dark abyss that is your room at night and try to find something to think about, to try and cure your nonexistent sickness.

You look at your watch, take it off, put it back on, turn it on, look at the time, repeat.

You scratch your skin trying to itch your mosquito bites that don’t even exist.

Fidget fidget fidget...

This is the first time you have ever felt this feeling, and you don’t like it.

You have developed a hatred towards this sensation that shall most likely continue until your death.

This feeling is what is provoking this hatred...

You want time to speed up or to fall asleep, but neither of those seem possible.

You clutch your bed and close your eyes and tense your body, preparing for something, but what?

That question will remain unanswered.

– Livvy Herren (12)

may 2020 | www.nolafamily.com

This hatred, is what is powering this feeling...

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Hayden Parnell, 12 and Anna Parnell, 11 painted their bedroom doors.

www.nolafamily.com

| may 2020

Hayden painted a dragon in a night sky and Anna painted Nightmare Before Christmas and Beetlejuice

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Sadie Bruno , age 12, and Caitlin Brun o, age 13.

They’ve driv en as far as Belle Chasse to dro p off a rock a nd have walked miles and m il es around upto wn New Orle a ns delivering p ainted rocks to friends over the past we eks!

Bailey Ziglin, age 4, creates rainbow-themed art.

may 2020 | www.nolafamily.com

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Giacobbe Academy of Dance 52nd Summer Workshop June 22-July 24 5 Weeks of Daily Classes Ballet, Pointe, Jazz & Stretch

www.nolafamily.com

| may 2020

6925 Veterans Boulevard, Metairie 504.889.0940 giacobbeacademydance.com

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We want to hear from you !

As parents, we turn to other parents for trusted advice on everything family — from choosing a dentist to picking a party place. Share your knowledge of the best of the best in New Orleans by filling out our annual reader’s survey.

Get started by clicking on the survey link at nolafamily.com or fill out this ballot and mail it to Nola Family magazine, 8131 Oak St., Suite 500, New Orleans, LA 70118.

Party Time

Shopp ing & Services

Birthday party entertainer__________________________

Baby/children’s clothing/shoes___________________________

Indoor party venue_________________________________

Family photographer____________________________________

Outdoor party venue________________________________ Party rentals_______________________________________

Eating Bakery____________________________________________ Farmers market____________________________________ Ice cream/yogurt shop______________________________ Snoball stand______________________________________

Camps, AFTER-SCHOOL ENRICHMENT Summer day camp__________________________________ Summer specialty camp_____________________________ School-break camps_____________________________________ Dance studio___________________________________________ Gymnastics/cheerleading studio_________________________ Martial arts studio______________________________________ Music or Art school/lessons______________________________ Sports club/league_____________________________________

Locally-owned toy store_________________________________ Maternity boutique_____________________________________

Special Needs SCHOOLS, SUPPORT, & THERAPY Occupational therapist__________________________________ Physical therapist______________________________________ Speech therapist_______________________________________ Services/support group_________________________________

Family Health Dermatologist_________________________________________ Family/child psychologist/therapist______________________ Hospital for having a baby_______________________________ Lice removal___________________________________________ OB/GYN _______________________________________________ Orthodontist___________________________________________

STEM/STEAM classes____________________________________

Pediatrician___________________________________________

Swim school/lessons____________________________________

Pediatric dentist_______________________________________

Urgent care facility_____________________________________

Indoor play place_______________________________________ Kid-friendly museum____________________________________ Parenting class/support group___________________________ Playground/park_______________________________________ Place for water play_____________________________________

Visit nolafamily.com to submit your favorites by May 22nd!

may 2020 | www.nolafamily.com

Playtime/Activities

Otolaryngologist (ear, nose & throat)_____________________

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CO-PARENTING DURING

COVID-19

WORK-AROUNDS FOR CO-PARENTING COUPLES DURING THE “NEW NORMAL”

www.nolafamily.com

| may 2020

“I’m not going to lie; it’s been really stressful. Underlying issues in our relationship are still there – the things we used to clash about are still there. We’re finding work-arounds as best we can,” says local mom Ashley*.

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Ashley, recently divorced and co-parent of a 1st-grade daughter, talked about how she and her ex-husband are balancing parental roles from separate households while New Orleans is under mandated stay-at-home orders. Many parents today – divorced or not – are in the same boat as this family unit; she was laid off from her job and he is a small business owner endeavoring to get financing, re-hire employees, and re-open his business as quickly as possible.

Co-parenting with a divorced or separated spouse or partner can be trying in the best of times, with schools in session, regular work schedules, and juggling set custody and visitation calendars. But now, with so much up in the air -- parents working from home or laid off, children taking online classes, and no extra-curricular activities, playdates or extended family visits -relationships that might have been tenuous at best are strained beyond measure.

The “new normal” for Ashley and her ex meant throwing out the usual visitation schedule.

“Honestly, I told him that for both our sanities neither of us can be with her for longer than 3 or 4 days max, especially due to the stress of home schooling alone, most of which has fallen to me.

Since she’s an only child, the oversight is constant – keeping her focused on schoolwork, devising creative projects, and then not letting her feel lonely without her friends – it’s just a lot. And of course, emotionally draining.”

ASHLEY HAS 2 KEY BITS OF ADVICE FOR FELLOW CO-PARENTS: Adaptability. “That’s the key and my one-word greatest advice to other co-parents in getting through these times. If you can’t adapt to each other’s needs right now, then this isn’t going to work.”

Work on your communication.

“Honestly, we’re communicating better now than we have in years, we’ve really made the effort. When this is over, our daughter will have seen us working together for the best results, and I’m hoping to keep that up.”

In The Know KEEPING ACTIVE DURING QUARANTINE TIMES

Here are great ideas for all ages to get the body moving and the brain engaged from the comfort of your home.

Ochsner Baptist offers a variety of remote classes for parents and children stuck at home and looking for productive ways to spend their time.

If you’re looking for just a respite or some structure in your life, these offerings have you covered.

STEEZY Studios offers a variety of fun, custom dance videos for all ages and all skill levels to learn the ins and outs of different dance styles. If your kids want to move and stay active while cooped up, this is an easy yet structured way for them to do it. Also, a great way for parents needing exercise after those long Zoom meetings!

ARTS AND CULTURE THE EXPERTS BACK UP WHAT ASHLEY’S LEARNED THE HARD WAY. HERE ARE SOME ADDITIONAL TIPS (BUT NOT LEGAL ADVICE) FROM THE AMERICAN ACADEMY OF MATRIMONIAL LAWYERS.

Kindermusick with Madeline is posting online classes to replace their on-site offerings. Their classes range from levels 1-4 on different days. The program also offers a mixed age group class, available six days a week.

Louisiana Academy of the Performing Arts is giving live virtual tutorials via Zoom for the time being, accessed by logging into Zoom. The meeting number is the phone number of your location.

Use your highest level of communication skills. This is not the time to re-litigate old disagreements with your ex. For the sake of your children during this crisis, make every effort to settle disputes with your co-parent related to exposure to the virus, symptoms, financial and other changes in both your circumstances, with all the civility and reasonableness you can muster.”

New Orleans Public Library has an abundance of reading options through their online presence. Members can join in the fun by logging in and downloading ebooks, virtual story time for kids, and even homework resources. The website will link you to your local library for a variety of offerings.

Be honest. Be completely transparent with your ex about any possible exposure of your child or a family member to the virus, and certainly about any symptoms your child may exhibit.

MUSEUMS AND EXHIBITIONS

Of course, couples are finding ways through the “new normal” that best suit their own situations. And the stay-at-home rules will be lifted one day - hopefully soon. But by making a special effort to adapt and communicate honestly and openly will go a long way to reducing stress now and laying the groundwork for better relations in the future. *Name changed for anonymity Source: American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, aaml.org

The Historic New Orleans Collection, the French Quarter-based museum & research center, preserves the history and culture of New Orleans and the Gulf South. Explore their selection of virtual exhibits.

Ogden Museum The doors to the Ogden Museum of Southern Art may be closed at this time, but it’s still committed to sharing the visual arts and culture of the American South via their website. Check out their “O-riginal Art Activities” for kids and families each Friday, and “Kids’ Art Break” via their kid link https://ogdenmuseum.org/ ogden-kids/.

may 2020 | www.nolafamily.com

Arrange to make up for lost time. If your ex is not able to see the children as much as is customary, be generous in arranging for the children to have more time with your co-parent later, when the crisis is over. If you put your revised agreements in writing and stick to them, a judge is likely to appreciate accommodations that have been made by both of you when court orders could not be followed.

The New Orleans Museum of Art is featuring high quality images of the museum’s permanent collection and past exhibits. You also can take a virtual tour of NOMA’s galleries as well as everybody’s favorite: the Sydney and Walda Besthoff Sculpture Garden. Highly relaxing and educational at the same time!

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Cooking WITH Kids Where to start when teaching your kids to cook at home.

Wishing your kids would magically cook a real dinner or make breakfast, not just pour cereal into a bowl? If so, you’re in luck! Our local Southern Food & Beverage Museum (“SoFab”) is a great resource for teaching kids of all ages how to cook during these stay-at-home days.

SoFab recently brought their children’s cooking lessons online. While SoFab previously offered a year-round schedule of on-site cooking classes, cooking camps, and party bookings (like cupcake decorating), now you and your kids can upload entertaining, instructional videos to watch and “cook along” from your home kitchen.

www.nolafamily.com

| may 2020

Jennie Merrill, Director of Education at SoFab, posts a new, free, kids’ food activity each weekday at 1:30 p.m. “I started SoFAB Kids, a new YouTube channel, where I film cooking videos in my house. Each video features a link that takes you to our website, where you’ll find the actual recipe, a separate fun activity, and “Exit Ticket” quiz. This way parents and kids can slot a class to fit their timeframe – whether shorter or longer.”

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Great First Recipes The SoFab channel includes dinner lessons (pizza, pasta, tacos, burgers), breakfasts (blueberry pancakes), and baking muffins and cookies, among others. There are additional online child-oriented recipe resources like Bon Appetit and Food Network, among others.

Key tip from Jennie Merrill: “I highly suggest starting with breakfast foods or desserts. Kids love baking, no matter the age. These classes are what’s requested most often.”

Breaking down instruction by age-appropriate skill level is a good way to start. Of course, you know your kids’ abilities better than we do. Some kids take to cooking like fish to water and others find it more difficult. Modify recipes for your children, knowing their individual patience and motor skills levels.

AGES 3-5 AND UP Start younger kids with basics, like stirring and mixing pancake, cookie, and cake batters with a wooden or plastic spoon. Plastic bowls are ideal for this age. Have the kids stand on a steady footstool with rubber feet so they can work at a kitchen table or low countertop. (Footstools also are useful for kids up to age ten, depending upon their height.)

This age can develop knife skills by cutting up soft things, like strawberries, using a plastic knife. For pie crusts and ice cream decorations, they can crush up Graham crackers or Oreos inside a heavy Ziplock bag using the bottom of small saucepan.

AGES 5-8 AND UP Kids this age can measure ingredients reliably using measuring cups and spoons; this is also a good way to teach basic math. Also, they can use an ice scoop to make uniform cookies and snacks on a baking sheet. Kneading soft ingredients – shaping burgers and meatballs – is fine now, as they understand not to lick their fingers automatically! Start using a serrated plastic knife to cut things with a skin or a rind, but not hard ingredients yet (like potatoes or carrots). Sweet red and yellow bell peppers and cucumbers are perfect for slicing and then snacking. And make dips for the veggies!

You can also introduce small hand tools -- with a watchful eye -- including a cheese grater, peeler, handheld juicer, or zester. Use a hand mixer with your hand on top of theirs until they master control.

With adult oversight, begin sautéing in a skillet over medium heat.

AGES 8-11 AND UP This age group is so curious and ready to show you that they can do anything, but they still need guidance and supervision. Teach differences between knife cuts: sticks, cubing, dicing, mincing – though always with a close eye on how they hold their knives.

(If you’re teaching several kids at once, have them take turns with the knife to avoid accidents.)

These kids also grasp the importance of accuracy – in measurements, cooking temperatures (oven and stovetop), and cooking times. Ask them to read the recipes and then tell you what the next steps will be, and together prepare ingredients sequentially for each step. Continue stovetop sautéing, and introduce more appliances (mixers, food processors) – always stressing safety.

PRETEENS-TEENS

Ask these kids to read recipes twice and discuss the steps over with you, and then have them double-check the ingredient list and prepare all ingredients in bowls before beginning the actual cooking. In this way, their process will not be rushed and they’ll learn to cook like pros!

Advice for all ages, parents included: Safety! Remind your cooking students to wash their hands well and wipe down all cooking surfaces and counters before beginning. And to always wash hands after handling raw proteins, like meat, eggs, and fish. Keep focused when using knifes and fire, and use proper oven mitts when lifting pots, pans, and baking sheets.

And have fun!

may 2020 | www.nolafamily.com

At this age, kids should have basic kitchen skills mastered and the fine motor skills needed for seamless recipe execution. Always be in the kitchen with your kids until you are certain they can safely use all needed tools – knifes included – and equipment, from burners to ovens and food processors.

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Can We

FRIEN

WHAT HAPPENS HAS KIDS AND

It starts slowly: At first, it’s understandable to not see your friend who just gave birth or adopted a child.

They are navigating the world of sleep deprivation, but not caused by going out until 2 a.m. Mom or dad are eating partial meals (which will be for a while), not because they are on a diet, but because their child – or children – constantly interrupt them.

It is after the multiple missed dinners, girls’ or boys’ nights out, anniversary and birthday parties that you realize – particularly after looking at your friend’s Facebook and Instagram posts of them with their fellow parents at gatherings – they have gone on to what we singles call “Mommy (or Daddy) World.”

www.nolafamily.com

| may 2020

No more last-minute, spur-of-the-moment plans.

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The friendship transformation remains a bumpy ride, so here’s a single’s guide: 1. Accept you will be frustrated with your friends.

Plans will change multiple times, sometimes in the middle of making them. And guess what? You are allowed to be annoyed, but it is also time to realize this is how it is going to be. Accept and move on. Reschedule. And possibly reschedule again.

2. Be flexible with your plans but stand your ground.

Your schedule and life are important.

That said, unless it is an appointment that can’t be changed, try to move whatever is on your calendar to work with the ever-changing needs of your friend. Dependable babysitters are not the easiest to get.

It’s a world of new friends, new hours, and new priorities.

Yet, have a limit – your time is precious too, and after the third or more rescheduling, make it clear that the friend’s spouse or significant other needs to commit to childcare for at least for a few hours.

Where does the single friend fit in?

3. You can help them out!

“I think it’s partly how close you are to the friends, what your relationship was beforehand, and who is good at communication,” said Ashley Merlin Gold, a new mom.

One sure way to see your friend – and help – is to make a pre-arranged dash to their house just to visit, help with dinner, or even babysit so their errands can be completed quickly, or maybe they can even have a date night with their spouse or significant other.

“Relationships change over time, especially with girlfriends. It’s ok to grow apart.”

“Sometimes there are long gaps where I don’t see them because life gets hectic,” said Jessica Ann Llanes. “But I always try to offer up just coming to them and hanging out after the kids go to bed, or dinner with them and the kids if it’s possible.”

There is no one to blame for a friendship going on ice.

It happens.

With the stay-at-home order and self-quarantine due to COVID-19, some friendships have rekindled due to free time and ability to use video chat apps, including ZOOM and House Party. But whether or not this is kept up remains to be seen as life slowly returns to a new normal.

“I feel very lucky to get to experience seeing my friends’ kids grow through the years.”

4. Accept that you will learn about diapers, baby’s first steps, school issues, car pool, the good -- and the bad – of your friends’ children.

Poop stories get old, but it comes with the territory. But all of the knowledge you may learn in the process will come in handy, particularly if you have your own children, or if you evolve into being the favorite “Aunt” or “Uncle.”

Still Be

NDS?

WHEN A FRIEND D YOU DON’T 5. Accept the new friends.

Dr. Bob said it best: “Be Nice or Leave.” You are not going to like everyone, but it is easier if you welcome the new friend, who might also have a child that is best buddies with your friend’s child.

On the flip side, you may feel replaced by a new parent-friend. Yes, you have been. But that doesn’t mean you are not important to your friend. Don’t be a jerk to that new friend out of jealousy – because you are going to lose.

6. Accept a child’s tantrums, as well as the disinterest from a shy child or a teenager.

Note to parents: You can do this this, too, with your single friends. “Friendships work if both parties can invest just a little time into it,” said Wise.

Though mom Stephanie Kaston Gutierrez admits “The struggle to connect is real.”

What many people have found during COVID-19 are the video chat apps, ZOOM and House Party, which have facilitated reconnecting to old friends, including those overseas.

Everyone had a tantrum when they were a child, and some sullen moments as teenager, no doubt. Perhaps you were a shy child, which to some people could come across as rude.

This last topic is for the parents:

Be understanding when your friend’s child has a meltdown: figure out the situation and either let the tantrum work its way out or offer to help your friend.

Your friendship didn’t end when the child was born or adopted. Invite them, even if you think they will say no. And if they say no? Ask them to the next event.

And the next.

The shy child? Let them be. If they don’t want to engage, that’s fine. Ditto with the sullen teenager. (Remember, you don’t have to deal with a teenager’s mood swings on a daily basis and that is a good thing.)

7. Stay in touch.

Everyone is guilty of not staying in touch. But with all of the social media options – Facebook and Instagram – and texting, it really isn’t that hard to check in.

“A quick text every now and then does wonders,” said Jenny Wise. “Even if they cannot text you back right away or even in the same month.”

Ashley Merlin Gold agrees, “The biggest thing is trying, even if it’s just a quick text to say, ‘hi’!”

A big part of friendship is knowing you are still a part of each other’s lives, even if you can’t go to Junior’s fifth birthday party or a girls’ night out.

Sue Strachan has been writing about New Orleans -- its people, culture and traditions -- for more than 25 years. She is the favorite aunt to her nephew and her friends’ children.

may 2020 | www.nolafamily.com

Tell your friends to stop saying, “I’m sorry.” Children are like cats – they are going to do what they want. (And even if you punish the teenagers, they are going to figure out a way to do what they want – just like a cat.)

Your single friend may actually want to come to your child’s birthday parties or any other event.

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PARENTING CORNER

Set a Loving Environment THOUGHTFUL STRATEGIES CAN HELP YOUR FAMILY COPE DURING THESE DISRUPTIVE TIMES.

Recent events have created an almost unprecedented time of stress and unpredictability; life in post-Hurricane Katrina may be the only equivalent for disruption on this scale. By now families have been cooped up together for weeks or months, and the uncertainty of what lies ahead in terms of school, work, and community is wearing thin on both parents and children.

Here are some solid strategies to keep your family bonds from fraying.

COMMUNICATE WITH CARE.

Each family member needs to know that he or she will be heard.

This means everyone must make a concerted effort to listen and understand what the other is saying. Family communications don’t have to be perfect, but they should create an environment of openness. Foster trust and participation amongst yourselves.

Ask your child what kinds of things help them feel better. You may not be able to grant all their wishes – we’d all like to go back to pre-March 2020 life – but there may be some small changes you can come up with together. While you are not able to control a lot of what’s happening in the world right now, share with your children the steps you’re taking to keep them safe and your family prepared.

They should feel like they can ask you any question, and even if you don’t have a clear answer, the underlying message should be that while it’s ok to worry, and you are in this together.

www.nolafamily.com

| may 2020

COMBINE CONNECTION WITH ROUTINE.

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Even if you’re physically together all the time, try and keep family rituals and transitions as consistent as possible to increase a sense of security and safety. If eating dinner in front of the TV has replaced eating together around the table, try and get back to it.

Keep bedtimes and bedtime routines as consistent as possible with snuggles, stories, and chats about a child’s day. Spend some time everyday giving everyone just a bit of undivided attention (resist the temptation during such times to check email, text, or check social media). Finding a balance of love and limits is especially important when kids are stressed. Provide plenty of empathy; don’t go overboard with consequences for every challenging behavior but do keep your expectations of family members clear.

PRACTICE INTENTIONAL PARENTING.

Certainly, many families have relaxed rules around screen time, especially as parents have been trying to work from home. But screen marathons for hours or days on end will probably result in cranky, bored kids and parents. Try to make some kind of schedule, even if it doesn’t work out every day. Get your child involved in the planning of each day, screen time included. Ask questions such as when they have opportunities for screens, how will they use it?

What are some new things they’d like to try? There are more and more online resources for every kind of hobby, craft, and interest.

[See our “In the Know” column in this month’s issue about online offerings.] Encourage your child to find a new skill or craft to enjoy. While you’re at it, look for something for yourself!

MIX IT UP.

Use outside time as the great de-stressor. Garden (with or without your children, if you enjoy it), go for walks and bike rides, turn them loose with the hose (water play and other sensory activities, such as pouring and working with sand, rice, and dried beans, are very calming). Make sure some type of physical play happens every day, even if it’s just a dance party in your living room when it’s raining outside.

TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF.

There are going to be days when our frustrations overflow and so do our children’s. We are all human and will make mistakes. If you say or do something you regret, take a deep breath, apologize, and move on. How to treat each another with loving kindness and forgiveness during this trying period may be the most important lesson we learn and teach.

Lisa Phillips, a licensed social worker and parent educator at The Parenting Center at Children’s Hospital, is a contributor to the awardwinning “Parenting Corner” column. She can be reached at 504.896.9591; chnola.org/parentingcenter.com.

Trying to get you r message out?

You could try making a wish...

or you could call us at nola family and reach everyone that matters! (not that we’re knockin’ fairies) to advertise with us, call 504.866.0555 or email us at info@nolababy.com

may 2020 | www.nolafamily.com

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Mother’s Day in Quarantine

SPECIAL ACTIVITIES AND HOMEMADE PRESENTS TO SHOW MOM YOUR LOVE. One thing is certain, this Mother’s Day will stand out from all others for its at-home aspect and making do with what’s readily at hand or easily pre-ordered and delivered.

From our editorial team of Moms, here’s a list for you and your family to plan and gift this May 10.

Check out our suggested picks of local wine and cheese shops, caterers, decorations, and more on our website.

www.nolafamily.com

| may 2020

Breakfast in Bed

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A perennial favorite, this doesn’t have to be elaborate, just a dish the kids can comfortably make on their own. The kids can help by purchasing English muffins and jam – or blueberry muffin mix ingredients -- in advance. Ensure proper kitchen supervision on the toasting or baking. The kids can decorate Mom’s tray with artwork or flowers and help carry it to the bedroom.

Cards & Photo Albums Handmade Gift A winner every year – regardless of Certificates quarantine! Encourage the kids to make cards for all the special ladies in their lives – moms, grandmothers, aunts, godmothers – with construction paper, crayons, glitter and glue, stickers…whatever is on hand.

Add printed photos for added smiles.

Don’t have photo paper? Upload your pix to Walgreen’s for printing to make your own memory albums. Or let them make albums from a variety of designs found on their website, with free same day pickup.

Here’s an artful way for the kids to pay it forward to Mom. “Gift” ideas include “Good for one week of kitchen cleanup,” “Free Wash the Dog,” “Good for one week of laundry,” “Pick up my toys with no whining.” Make these on index cards, decorated with pictures cut out of a magazine of that chore, or with hand drawn hearts and flowers. The ideas are endless!

Irma Thomas Concert Picnic

Wine and More

Gourmet Meal Delivered

Need picnic basket goodies?

Give Mom the gift of wine! Across the city there are knowledgeable wine and specialty store teams ready to help you curate an assortment of wine, cheese, pâté, crackers, and salami for your Mother’s Day picnic in the backyard, at a park, or along Bayou St. John. Most stores are offering delivery or curbside pickup with advance orders. Your local grocery also is a good resource for picnic goods and desserts of all types. Cheers!

Plant an Herb or Veggie Garden

Decorate Gardening Pots

Bike Ride and Decorate Mom’s Bike

There’s still time to get your herbs and vegetables into the ground for summer harvest. You can either plant directly into the ground or a raised bed. Pick up rooted plants or seeds, a watering can or hose from your local garden center or hardware store, and then spend Mother’s Day making a special garden together, complete with artsy signs for each plant.

Going the garden route but no yard? Get different sized terracotta flowerpots and have the kids decorate them with glitter pens, Mardi Gras beads, markers, or sequins. Fill with potting soil and then plant herbs, small flowering plants, or seeds. Basil and zinnias are good choices for these, and a kitchen windowsill can hold even a small pot. Make extras to gift grandmothers, aunts, and godmothers.

Suggest a bike ride and while Mom is getting ready, decorate her bike and helmet with party decorations. Items to use include flowers, balloons, Mardi Gras beads, and crepe paper. Have the kids custom make a special “World’s Greatest Mom” sign for her handlebars or basket that can be framed later for the kitchen or her home office.

For 30 years, New Orleanians headed to the Audubon Zoo for Irma Thomas’ annual Mother’s Day concert. This year create your own concert with an Irma playlist or radio channel on Spotify or Pandora. Spread out a blanket in the backyard – or find a grassy spot in Audubon Park – and you’re there in the front row!

Happy Mother’s Day from our Nola Family to yours!

may 2020 | www.nolafamily.com

Truth be told, writing this as moms ourselves, we could make this list ten pages long, based on what our kids have given us in past years and what we ourselves would like to receive this year.

Mom can’t cook on her special day…but there are many terrific caterers who can! Instead of flipping the coin to see who’ll cook this year, local favorites have you covered with gourmet small bites & appetizers, salads, and all manner of main dishes ranging from crab cakes, shrimp & grits, to cookies and desserts. See our list on nolafamily.com for great options.

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HIP

GRANNIE

Quarantine Blues Sage take-aways to learn from this quarantine experience.

As I sit here staring at a blank screen on Day 23 (which seems like Day 365) of our city-wide quarantine, I am at a loss for words.

There aren’t a lot of fun, outrageous things that our grandchildren have said or done, at least none that I know of. You see, like most grandmothers, I haven’t seen my grandchildren since this wretched virus landed in our city.

Yes, we text, email, and occasionally FaceTime. I’ve seen them only twice -- at a 12-foot distance -- as they stood at their front door when Papa and I left goodies on their doorstep. I suppose I’ve been spoiled having Rylan and Amelia live nearby these past 13 years. Suddenly, face-to-face visits are a thing of the past.

I’ve tried to make sense of this pandemic and find it impossible to do so. History has recorded such an event every 100 years or so, so I’m happy to report that – fingers crossed -- there won’t be another for the next 100 years.

In January, Papa and I had dinner with our godson and his wife who live in Beijing. We were transfixed as they told us what havoc this virus had wreaked in Wuhan, a city of 11 million residents.

We’d never heard of a lock-down in modern history and couldn’t imagine how this could happen. And now, only months later, our beloved New Orleans is the new Wuhan.

So, what are the lessons I hope my grandchildren and adult children can learn from this experience? Other than “please don’t hoard the toilet paper,” here are some thoughts: 1. Family is everything. Duh. Our family lives in three different parts of New Orleans -- the Garden District, Uptown, and the French Quarter -- yet we know we have one another’s backs, even if we must stand at least 6-feet away from one another.

2. The impossible is often possible. Who knew that Rylan and Amelia -- and every other kid -- would be home-schooled

in their makeshift home classrooms by dedicated teachers and parents who managed to pull together guides, curricula, and lectures and then slapped them on cyberspace. Sheer genius, if you ask me.

3. Your friends are still your friends. So, you don’t get to hang out with your friends at school, the soccer fields, or sleepovers…yet, they are still your buddies. And instead, you can have a virtual birthday party or a video soccer game to stay connected, sort of. It just takes work, creativity, and heart.

4. This too shall pass. Hell’s bells, kids, we’ve been through 9-11, Katrina, a couple of wars, some civil unrest, and some Saints disasters. We’re still here and stronger than ever!

5. In times of chaos, heroes emerge. How can we ever thank our medical community, grocery store employees, mail

6. Gratitude goes a long way. If you’ve come through this experience with your family still healthy, a roof over your head, and you are still speaking to your parents and siblings, you’ve done well. Be grateful and quit your belly achin’.

7. Winnie the Pooh nailed it. “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

8. Grandparents can work wonders. Got a craving for Brocato’s Italian Ice, Theo’s Pizza, or need some school supplies? That crazy white-haired lady, standing at your front door, dressed in a Hazmat suit, mask, and gloves, is your biggest cheerleader. Call her. You mean the world to her.

Laura Claverie, also known as Nola Family’s Hip Grannie, is a journalist who has written for local, regional, and national media.

may 2020 | www.nolafamily.com

carriers, and delivery men? What about our restaurants that fed us and our first responders? And please, remember our public safety officers and media who kept us informed as these long days droned on and on.

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FULL CATASTROPHE LEARNING

LEARNING YEARS

CATASTROPHE IS NEVER A WELCOME GUEST, BUT BEING MINDFUL IN STRESSFUL TIMES CAN LEAD TO PERSONAL GROWTH. Most of us cruise through our days on autopilot during normal times, with little regard for the important things in life. Then an event happens that shakes us back into consciousness, such as a serious illness, hurricane or pandemic. It’s then that we start doing things deliberately to promote the wellbeing of our family, community, and ourselves. Awareness of basic things like obtaining food, finding shelter, and staying safe move into our consciousness as top priorities. In his masterful book, Full Catastrophe Living, Jon Kabat-Zinn teaches us about mindfulness as a means of coping with stress. (Mindfulness is the process of bringing the present into full consciousness.) If the natural order of our lives is shaken, mindfulness can lead to growth.

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| may 2020

When access to things we need -- or are accustomed to -- is inhibited, panic or anger flares. We may hoard supplies or conjure up conspiracy theories as a means of coping. But over time, gratitude floats to the top of our awareness, if we allow it.

Lessons are learned about abundance that might otherwise have been taken for granted, or usual comforts that were experienced mindlessly. Some find themselves sharing, listening, or becoming more supportive during times of catastrophe. Our capacity to do without the things thought essential can feel liberating. Doing things differently, like teleconferencing to communicate with teachers, doctors, friends and coworkers, teaches us flexibility.

Tasks like deliberately washing our hands longer, coughing into a handkerchief, or even not shaking hands may lead to new habits. Diseases lead to knowledge and cures. Global events such as the COVID-19 pandemic change us and the world.

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Vulnerability emphasizes the security that others provide. First responders, hospital personnel, grocery clerks, and sanitation workers are elevated to the status of heroes. The importance of spiritual and friendship communities becomes heightened, and we find a way to gather, even if it isn’t in person.

At the same time, we discover how capable we are as

individuals to make do and get along. Gradually we adapt to less being done for us and move forward with weird DIY haircuts, throw the pantry in meals, and devise ways of making our own fun at home.

Extroverts may begin to enjoy the company of one, while introverts revel in the heaven of their books and projects, blessedly excused from the company of many. When we become present to ourselves we learn things about ourselves.

Catastrophe also delivers loss. Some get stuck here; they push their grief down, cover it up, or throw it destructively outward. Others get to the acceptance stage and find a way to heal. I believe that those who find peace with loss are the ones who don’t hide from grief. They let it in and get to know it.

They experience themselves wearing sadness in many ways and see that they’re stronger than their feelings. They get busy, create, and accept a new life without the things that are gone.

The most fundamental lesson learned from a catastrophe is that we do not experience it alone.

Even hermits seek information and assistance from others in an emergency. There is a heightened need to reach out, support, and be with others, especially family (chosen or kin). Even with arguments, irritation, and annoying habits, our family is a part of who we are. Disasters experienced with loved ones will be etched on the relationship. Dysfunctional or not, going forward together through tough times can unite a family. But it helps if this is a conscious goal.

Catastrophe is never a welcome guest. But this reality is seldom avoided in a lifetime. Maybe disaster is fated to teach lessons and wake us from our day-to-day unconscious slog. As a person who doesn’t believe in fate, I choose to see misfortune of any kind as inevitable and mostly random. But more importantly, it is useful if we become consciously aware -- or mindful -- of the potential that’s there to elevate us by staying present in the moment and being willing to grow.

Pat Blackwell, Ph.D., is a licensed developmental psychologist who has worked with families for over 30 years, and is the author of Nola Family’s awardwinning “Learning Years” column.

S

SpringCleaning Get the kids involved with these pro-tips for organizing your home.

Spring cleaning for many encompasses only getting the house spotless from a “clean” standpoint. But Victoria Tran, owner of Sorted, a New Orleans professional organizing company, makes clear the distinctions between cleaning and organizing. While cleaning may include dusting, mopping, vacuuming, and more, organizing meets a different set of criteria.

Tran says, “Organizing is when you sort and simplify all your belongings, and then set systems in place to make your life more manageable, functional, and peaceful.”

She continues, “I like to take spring cleaning up a notch and implement organization. Establishing routines to maintain the organization and get rid of the clutter will make next year’s spring cleaning a cinch.”

Tran notes, “If you can only work on it 1-hour a day, do that for a month. It will add up to 30 hours, and that is a lot!” Also

On taking survey of the house and the organizing to be done, the most critical thing families can do is to get rid of the items they don’t use, need, or love. Victoria Tran advises being ruthless at this point because the reduction of clutter will allow the rest of the process to progress smoothly.

Being a mother herself, Tran says that, “Kids thrive on routine and order. It gives them a sense of security and decreases their stress.” Particularly, by setting goals and getting the kids involved in the initial planning and overview process, it can help them learn to take better care of their belongings later – whether toys, books, or other activities. This is true especially now that families are sheltering in place.

There are many ways kids can get involved in the ‘clean-up’.

One of them is to set a timer, 20 minutes for younger kids and longer for older kids, each day for them to organize their own things with parental oversight or help. To spice things up a bit, let the kids pick music they like for the time they spend working.

In addition, open a discussion about those things they no longer need or have no use for, that still are in good condition, and choose an organization or program where these items can be donated.

The Sorted team also recommends guidelines for placement of all items being kept. Tran suggests grouping similar items together, which usually is an activity at which children of all ages excel. Leaving “room to grow” – or space for future items – also is recommended.

According to Tran, “Organization helps kids keep track of their toys, clothes, books, and other special belongings. When they know where things belong, they won’t be searching for them, they will know where to return them, and will take better care of their things.”

And last, include a reward system with incentives in your child’s organizing plan, not only for the first stages but for keeping their belongings tiday from here on out. Good incentives include a dance party, watching a new or favorite movie, or enjoying a special snack. This way your kids will gradually learn the joys of being organized, making everyone’s lives easier in the process.

may 2020 | www.nolafamily.com

When undertaking a client organizing job, first Tran sets realistic goals, laying the groundwork for actionable tasks and future systems. For instance, she finds that for families, usually working a set amount of time on organizing each day is a better plan than trying to get it all done in one day. The small chunks of time will add up to success.

it helps to tackle items by category rather than by room. This allows families to see how much they own of certain items.

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| may 2020

ive,” you’ve mad “Assumptions t or pp su e or m quote, e been law “would hav ctor Henry Winkler’s famous icated or nevern i er h ot m : ur n t yo ommun er. A ma Kare husband thoughand behave as a grandmoth as you hold onto your misc you feel toward her will t Dr. Gram ur yo d an u yo ss ng t ac s lo d wan terne both When you say out how you think she shouldpropriate in your situation. Admother, the anger and bit uncomfortable around you an assumptions ab es of relationships,” seems ap MIL should act as a gran her, she may feel tense and are the termitexpectations about how your anger and frustration with that your son t c fa e ur Th . yo ed es at v es c sens an ld arri communi first grandchi now would probably result in Also, as aw. If your MIL e h gn t o e t or ue ef n i b t t . on r i c repa ked ou le them eractions. al roles are worhave already passed. To tacko damage relationships beyondyour relationships. nt re pa d to limit her int an gr that ial t ate ions dsight to say ng the potent s that complic g your assumpt It’s easy in hin ts opportunities for discussin m than good, as well as havi ere around the family busines up old hurts, g n gi n ri b e es h ar r i h gg qu ay su e t re ese do mor ics in pl is three IL that do nos for coffee, and you say th to her M nt that would factors, history, and dynam re ur or yo t l h t i na w o i se d p i ot on em weeken lationsh in resp here are other ain a cordial re you to visit in her home onexpectations, and plan visits t n ai m o t you indicate, t o d d want u can d assumptions an ur MIL does some things yo So, here are d disappointments. Since yo can do: let go of all your ol ions. ur assumptions yo of lt su at u an re t , yo vi a n i ea urt as frustrations nt, then that is what ore responsive to your intment and h dmother. You need to becom e to po m sa ap s i ea d er pl h t e an nd ar st fi s nc t visi your con his gran nconvenie r time, you may quit focusing onionship between your son and dmother, even if it requires i pleasant, cordial u: yo r invitations. Ove fo l l i b play lat and gran ead on the re ggesting a new easant, cordial ssible with his In short, I’m su should behave and focus insto spend as much time as po a mantra of “cordial and pl have a about how sheor to ensure your son gets ting role, I suggest you adopt changes that t t s or ac ge pp g an n i su h t c w or e ne supp hip. ake som usband. In your ly important. ggesting you m and son have a nice relations su m I’ , ge you and your h to remind you of what’s real an h MIL she’ll c nt and hoping terness – while helping your re and pleasant” fe f i d e er w ger and bit ing your MIL Instead of wishance of getting rid of your an far better ch 24

Karen L. .

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