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E X - G AY N O WAY

Indeed, it’s one of those ingrained patterns that I learned so well in the ex-gay environment. Sure, I justified it by giving it another name, like, “focusing on godly thoughts,” or “memorizing Scripture,” or “keeping busy in ministry.” Yet I was doing everything I could to avoid and suppress what I deeply knew was there — my true sexual feelings. What was true then is true now — avoiding and suppressing does not dissipate the heart’s natural and innocent yearnings. On the contrary, it just stock-piles emotional energy. Some people analogize that painful memories are like hidden tumors that could someday grow and poison one’s entire being. Sooner or later that emotional energy will find its way out, be it in heart trouble, ulcers, nervous breakdowns, or a triggered explosion — as in the case of the screaming man. I know this. I experienced it first hand as an ex-gay survivor. It’s time to try another approach. Why not practice some preventative medicine and deal with the “cancer” while I am healthy and strong, rather than be forced to deal with it while I’m sick and my life hangs by a thread because of it? Yet, I warn you. Anyone reading my story whose background is similar may very well have their “buttons” pushed, and pushed hard. It may not take a rocket scientist to figure this out, but it might take a professional therapist to help process some of these “hot spots” while reading this book. Sexuality and spirituality are not often happy-pappy topics in our society, especially for those who have experienced ex-gay and religious abuse first hand. Some have been so upset they became suicidal. This is seriously no laughing matter. Reach out for support, and hopefully professional support. It is not my intention to create further trauma. I want this “read” to be one of healing.

Self-Directed Recover y One thing is for sure, ex-gay survivors have had it up to their eyeballs with “cures” and “solutions” to their “problems.” Later, you will see this is one of the prominent features of religious abuse — living in a constant state of believing you need to be “fixed.” As a result, just the possibility of perusing another’s perspective on how to “be a better and happier person” can more easily conjure thoughts of burning a book than reading one. Yet here you are with this book in hand. Therefore, let me affirm for you your own experience. No one else can better decide the ways in which you need to heal than you can. In 2008 a group of ex-gay survivors gathered with LGBT-affirming healthcare providers in Denver to begin determining what might be the best course of supporting those recovering from the damaging effects of reparative/conversion therapies. The number-one element, heard loud and clear, 14

Ex-Gay No Way (Jallen Rix) book excerpt  

Jallen Rix, a young Southern Baptist, joined an ex-gay ministry when he discovered his same-sex attractions. Although the ministry did not m...

Ex-Gay No Way (Jallen Rix) book excerpt  

Jallen Rix, a young Southern Baptist, joined an ex-gay ministry when he discovered his same-sex attractions. Although the ministry did not m...