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Contents

or’s Letter

ributors

? Here are mple tools to tain your being

nnon Colarossi

ive self-talk ses

nnon Colarossi

top five signs you t be burntout

Richardson

20.

Why we need to learn to love ourselves

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Top 5 Tips: How to beat imposter syndrome

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Mindfulness: The perfect antidote to a stressful life

By Amanda Stokes

By Elise Bialylew

36. 44.

Q&A Georgie Beames on freedom, empowerment and food From Surviving to Thriving with Stacey Currie Interview by Fi Mims


EDITOR’S LETTER

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s women, one of the most important things we can do is look after ourselves. When we have a healthy mind and a healthy body, we do our best work. And in addition we’re better able to give of ourselves to the people in our lives who depend on us. There’s no doubt that most of us need a little nudge (and some of us a bigger one) when it comes to self-care, so I’ve dedicated this entire issue of Shine to helping you achieve a healthy mind and healthy body. Here’s a sneak peek into what’s inside… It’s hard to find time to take care of ourselves when our lives are so busy and we have so many balls in the air. But we really do need to find ways to make it a priority. Rhiannon Colarossi from the Wellbeing Web offers advice and help with her five simple tools for maintaining your wellbeing when you’re busy. After reading her feature no day will be too busy to fit in a little self-love! We’re living in a world where the ability to live a connected and happy life is right at our fingertips and the wellness industry is bigger than it’s ever been before. In her article on mindfulness and meditation, Elise Bialylew explains some of the science

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behind it all and shows you some easy ways to bring more mindfulness to your day. Then it’s up to you to choose to make it your focus.

daughters. We think they aren’t listening, but they are. And we have to stop. If you’re the mother of a girl, please read what Amanda has to share.

Having “time” plays a huge role in the decisions we make around self-care. I’m sure I’m not alone in the making excuses department – “I don’t have time to exercise / cook healthy food / give myself a day off” are some I regularly use myself. But when you read my interview with Stacey Currie and hear the inspirational story of how she turned her life around, those excuses about making positive change in your life will seem much less valid.

Julie Richardson is a mother of two who has travelled the road to burnout personally. In her article she walks us through the top five signs of burnout and why we should start putting ourselves first. Maybe you’ll recognise a few and finally decide it’s time to start looking after yourself more? And finally, there’s a wonderful Q&A with Georgie Beames where she talks about her incredible Freedom Program and how we can improve our relationship with food.

We only get one life. Look after yourself.

Amanda Stokes’ article about body image and how our daughters mirror our behavior resonated massively with me. As someone who overcame eating issues in my late teens and early twenties, these days I am much kinder to myself, and I’m always super-careful about the language I use around food, eating and weight in front of my own daughter. It’s so important for us as women to teach our daughters - or any girl in our lives - to love themselves and their bodies. And the best way to teach that? To love ourselves and the skin we’re in. I have amazing women in the studio all the time who criticise themselves and the way they look. Even in front of their

This issue is honestly filled with so many amazing stories to help you look after yourself, and I’m so thankful to my amazing clients that have contributed to pull it together. I’m excited by all the opportunities available to women today, but I honestly feel that most of us sacrifice our own health and wellbeing in return for our achievements, while juggling numerous hats and trying to ‘have it all’. I hope this issues inspires you to prioritise yourself more often, and I hope you make the time to do that – I know it’s something I’m working on. We only get one life. Look after yourself. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself.

Fi Mims | Photographer + Editor

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CONTRIBUTORS Julie Richardson Julie Richardson is a wellness facilitator, author, speaker and BEOlogist. Very familiar with the pressures that professional working mums deal with each and every day, she once tried to do too much and look after too many people and ended up with breast cancer (which she healed from completely naturally – but that’s another story). Since then, she’s been passionate about helping professional working mums choose their sense of balance with a combination of science-based and alternative strategies that release fear, value connection and focus on self-care an nurturing their bodies. She’s also the founder of social enterprise Miamba, a range of natural products designed to help boost your immune system and health.

Rhiannon Colarossi Rhiannon Colarossi’s mission is to empower, engage and inspire mums to take care of their wellbeing in small, practical ways every day. She’s a life and wellbeing coach and her website The Wellbeing Web provides practical everyday tips on how to manage everyday challenges by giving busy mums the tools and strategies to help them feel more peaceful, even on the busiest of days.

Amanda Stokes Amanda Stokes is on a mission to change the lives of young girls around the world be empowering mums with body image issues to recognise the huge impact we’re having on our daughters lives. From the earliest age, they mirror our behaviour. It’s our responsibility to be the change we want to see in our home and carve out a more positive track for them, and for us. Amanda is currently running a Kickstarter campaign to bring to life her idea for Positive Body Image Dolls, that reflect the size diversity that is currently lacking from our children’s worlds. For your chance to be one of the first to own these dolls, head to her website and pledge your support.

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Elise Bialylew Elise Bialylew is founder of Mindful in May, the world’s largest online global mindfulness campaign, raising money for global poverty and featuring the world’s leading mindfulness experts. She’s a doctor trained in psychiatry, a mindfulness expert and author of the #1 bestselling meditation book, The Happiness Plan. Elise is passionate about supporting individuals and organisations to develop inner tools for greater wellbeing and flourishing at the Mind Life Project and her work has been featured on Australian Television and Radio.

Georgie Beames A registered psychologist who specialises in working with women and their weight, Georgie has provided professional support to many inspiring women for more than 12 years through her private practice and group programs, helping them deal with thing like emotional eating and self-sabotage. She’s passionate about empowering women to live a fulfilling and meaningful life that isn’t defined by their weight. She does this by giving them the strategies and tools they need to get out of their own way and stop the behaviours that are holding them back in life so they can finally become the person the want and deserve to be.

Stacey Currie By any standard, Stacey should be living on the streets, in jail, on drugs or dead. Today, she is a keynote speaker, successful businesswoman, mother of five and inspiration to thousands of people on ‘Struggle Street’. Using her streetsmart wisdom, Stacey lives by the philosophy (and helps others do the same) that to be more, you need less. She’s a change expert who shares from her own life experience of making positive change to turn the traditional goal-setting approach of ‘focus on what you want’ on its head. She’s the author of two books The Rich Get Richer, The Poor Can Too and the soon to be released Good Riddance: How to make hard choices easy for a change.

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HERE ARE 5 SIMPLE TOOLS TO MAINTAIN YOUR WELLBEING. By Rhiannon Colarossi

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s a life and wellbeing coach, I’m a huge believer that the little actions we take each day make a significant difference to how we feel. As busy people, prioritising our everyday wellbeing is a must! When we do so consistently we bring out our best selves, which has a positive ripple effect on all those around us. If you need some help to bring wellbeing to your day, here I share my five simple wellbeing tools to bring balance and calm into your busy life. #1 Take three deep breaths We should all make a ritual out

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of breathing. It’s one of the most transformational exercises at your disposal and it’s also a quick, easy and free way to boost your wellbeing and infuse your day with a sense of serenity. You may choose to focus on your breathing at certain times of the day, like when you’re sitting at traffic lights, in the shower, waiting for the kettle to boil or getting dressed in the morning. When you pause and take three deep bremaths, you’re checking in with yourself and thus prioritising your wellbeing. Focusing on your breathing is an instant way to feel calm during busy and stressful situations. #2 Talk kindly to yourself As you move through your day, make sure your self-talk is kind. Talk to yourself as you would when encouraging a close


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friend. As women we’re often super hard on ourselves and we’re experts at noticing what we could be doing better. I’m suggesting that you notice what you’re doing well and focus on affirming those things. When you find something challenging, be sure to cheer yourself on with kindness and positivity. You need to be your own best friend. This simple tool changes everything because the relationship you have with yourself is the foundation for amazing wellbeing. #3 Set your intention for the day

By setting your intention you’ve consciously paused and reflected on how you would like to feel – it’s a simple but powerful action. Like the saying goes, “Energy flows where your attention

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#4 Go a little slower Make a decision to go a little slower. In this fast-paced world, you often fly from here to there without actually spending any time being present.

Slowing down won’t diminish your productivity in fact, it’s likely to see it increase...

Begin your day with an intention about how you want to feel. Doing this is an easy way to positively set the tone for your day and the morning is the perfect time to do it. Setting a daily intention to be happy, calm, productive, energetic or confident as you move through your day is a wonderful way to a thriving wellbeing.

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(intention) goes!” By setting your intention consistently, you teach yourself to be more present and in alignment with how you really wish to feel everyday. This is living with intention and it’s a beautiful and valuable wellbeing tool.

Slow down and savour the journey. When you catch yourself in ‘rushrush’ mode, make a conscious choice to slow down. Walk a little slower, talk a little slower, drive a little slower and so on. Slowing down won’t diminish your productivity in fact, it’s likely to see it increase, in addition to boosting the enjoyment of what you’re doing at the same time.


Slowing down enables you to think more clearly and I truly believe you can’t put a price on clarity. It also reduces overwhelm and helps you manage the chaos that can creep into the day. It’s an invaluable way to nurture your everyday wellbeing. #5 Keep your ‘why’ front of mind By taking time to reflect upon your ‘why’ (or purpose) you clarify and reaffirm your values and main goals. Knowing your ‘why’ gives you greater confidence and helps you maintain your wellbeing or guides it back on track if it’s taken a dive. When you prioritise your ‘why’ and keep it front of mind, you eliminate unnecessary clutter and chaos from your day. Knowing your ‘why’ helps you feel more focused on what you need and how you’ll go about receiving it. It also helps you say no more easily to the things that don’t serve you (saying no is a very important and powerful wellbeing tool). And this means you can say yes to the things that light you up. Knowing your ‘why’ provides you with clarity and clarity is power. When we feel clear on what we’re doing and why, we feel stronger and more certain about how to nurture ourselves. We become more comfortable within ourselves as we tune in to our inner-voice and are less likely to look externally for validation or guidance. So, when you have lots on your plate or a never-ending to-do list, implementing the above tools daily are a great way to keep your wellbeing on track and thriving.

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POSITIVE SELF-TALK PHRASES By Rhiannon Colarossi

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s women, nurturing our mental wellbeing is a priceless wellbeing action. And one way to nurture our mental wellbeing daily is via kind self-talk. It can be easy to get caught up in negative self-talk as we move through our day, however it’s always possible to shift from negative self-talk to a more positive tone. First become aware of how you talk to yourself, and then decide to engage with yourself with kindness and a positive tone. The following phrases offer fifty kind ways to engage with ourselves. Some of these relate to mums, but most relate to any situation – work, relationships, friendships, or just day-to-day life. Which ones will you use today to be kind to yourself ?

1. I’m doing a good job. 2. Wow, look what I made.

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6. I’m doing the very best I can. 7. All is going really well today. 8. There is no need to rush. 9. I am amazing. 10. Everything is working out for me. 11. I love feeling good. 12. I don’t need to think about that right now. 13. What would reset my wellbeing now? 14. I am going to take some deep breaths. 15. I am so proud of this dinner I made. 16. I loved connecting with them today. 17. I am going to simply let it go.

3. I think I’ll focus on this instead.

18. I made time to nurture myself today.

4. Yes, I got out of bed!

19. I will have a rest now.

5. Okay, I can do this.

20. I love watching the clouds in the sky.

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21. I am going to make the best of this.

37. I am going to view this through compassionate eyes.

22. I am a loyal and loving friend.

38. I feel so blessed to have you in my life.

23. I went slow today and it felt good. 24. I am calm. 25. I love being present with my children. 26. I appreciate my strong and healthy body. 27. I am really looking forward to that. 28. This is so much fun. 29. I have achieved a lot today.

39. I choose to focus on the very best of you. 40. I appreciate this beautiful home of mine. 41. Things do work out well when I remain calm. 42. I love being present for these priceless moments. 43. Life is meant to be embraced and enjoyed.

30. It’s okay to have fun and relax.

44. Thank you for being one of my life teachers.

31. I am so proud of how I handled that situation.

45. I will make time for that today.

32. I am going to take a second to celebrate that.

46. I am feeling overwhelmed so I am going to breathe.

33. I love pausing and taking a few deep breaths.

47. I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt.

34. I love spending time with those I cherish.

48. I deserve the best.

35. I am filled with appreciation for all that I have.

50. I choose to be happy.

49. Everyday is a gift.

36. I love the smell of those flowers.

Rhiannon Colarossi Rhiannon Colarossi’s mission is to empower, engage and inspire mums to take care of their wellbeing in small, practical ways every day. She’s a life and wellbeing coach and her website The Wellbeing Web provides practical everyday tips on how to manage everyday challenges by giving busy mums the tools and strategies to help them feel more peaceful, even on the busiest of days. shineonlinemagazine

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THE TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE

t u o t n r Bu By Julie Richardson

H

ave you recently serviced your car?

Whether it was because it wasn’t running quite right or because it was simply time for it’s yearly maintenance, we all look after our car so it looks after us.

The real question is; why don’t we do the same for ourselves? Many people think that looking after yourself first is selfish or egocentric. To ‘service yourself first’ isn’t part of the Australian culture. And it’s definitely not something that’s promoted by our thought leaders. It wasn’t something that came naturally to me either at the beginning. Now, decades

later, with the benefit of experience and all the challenges life has thrown at me, living the ideology of self first has become a part of my daily life.

HOW’S YOUR ENGINE RUNNING? · Are you feeling tired and lethargic in the afternoons? · Do you wake up during the night and can’t get back to sleep easily? · Do you have dry lips? · Do you have trouble with digestion? · Do you carry tension in your neck and shoulders? · Are you easily irritated? · Do you find the world frustrating? · Do you feel isolated and unsupported? · Do wish for a better life?

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WELCOME TO MY WORLD I’m a 51-year-old professional working mother of two teenage boys and an alternative health care therapist with over 25 years’ experience. Yet, I experienced all of these symptoms constantly for more than seven years. Ever since I was divorced. It was only when I was

diagnosed with cancer in 2015 that I realised the importance of truly looking after myself ! Not just paying lip service to the concept of it, but genuinely spending time and money on the most important vehicle in life – my body, my mind and my spirit.

EVERYONE ELSE IS DESERVING EXCEPT ME Too often and for too long, I had put everyone else’s needs before mine. It’s a common trait amongst alternative health care therapists, and women in general. Add to that being a single mum and working full time. It was a great recipe for emotional fatigue, hyper arousal, overthinking, overload and excessive worrying – a fast road to burn out or illness. I would spend long hours in this mode, not realising, comprehending or even ignoring the subtle signs of stress. Then the signs I was ignoring could not be ignored anymore. I was made to take note with the crushing blow of that cancer diagnosis.

Living the ideology of self first has become a part of my daily life.

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IT’S A TREND THAT’S GETTING WORSE The latest research from the Jean Hailes Women’s Health Survey (2017), shows that our health behaviours are not changing. · 60% of women don’t have enough time to spend a minimum of 2.5 hours on exercise each week · 40% of women have been professionally diagnosed with depression or anxiety. These stats don’t even account for the women who lack the time to check out their symptoms or who ignore them with the thought of ‘she’ll be right’.

THE ROAD TO BURNOUT Four years ago, I was experiencing a lot of stress dealing with my father’s grave illness. I was divorced at the time and couldn’t bring myself to ask for extra help...the support to help my father, me and the kids. “I can manage. I’ll be OK,” I kept saying to myself. When I did summon the courage to ask some family members to support me, reaction was that I was a bad mother for taking time to be with my dad and not my kids. My dad was only in hospital for two months before he passed away. Just two months of having some extra help would have given me time and energy to spend with my dying dad. Instead the two months was me looking after him while filled with frustration, tiredness and guilt. It was emotionally, mentally and physically draining. And I carried that experience with me for years. It was toxic waste that fuelled my vehicle on the road to burn out and illness.

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BE AWARE OF THE TOP 5 SIGNS OF BURNOUT Have you ever been in a situation like this? Here are some telltale signs that you’re not looking after yourself the way you should. 1. Emotional depletion or fatigue Symptoms: Lack of sleep and tiredness Did you know we can be infected by people’s sadness, trauma and negativity? They hook into us as they unconsciously sling their words of frustration and harmful energy towards us. Wanting to feel better by casting away their troubles, we unwittingly take their ‘stuff’ on board. We feel heavy and weighed down, guilty and miserable ourselves and this leaves us to toss and turn at night. 2. Constant worry Symptoms: Tension and headaches We are in a constant state of worry about everything these days. We have the Australian dream and the mega stressors associated with that. Financial constraints, economic competition, social media bullying, keeping up with the Joneses, job instability – all this toxic mental activity, tension and tightness sets the scene for illness and dysfunction. 3. Distraction Symptoms: Inability to stay focused Never a moment for self, not enough time in the day. Being pushed and pulled from pillar to post. Meeting deadlines, the day is timed to perfection moment to moment as everyone’s needs are met. Except our own. Sound familiar? We never have the energy or motivation to say ‘NO, I need time out to think my own thoughts. Please leave me alone!’

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4. Helplessness and sense of lack Symptoms: Feeling vulnerable Wine o’clock from 4.30pm to 6.30pm is a common coping mechanism. There is a sense that this is our lot in life and we can’t ask for more, or we can’t possibly ask for help. We don’t feel worthy enough, or pride tells us we can’t do that. Or if we ask, we won’t get it. We feel that if we do ask, people will sense our chaos and inability to live life well. It’s easy to believe that vulnerability is a sign of weakness. 5. Isolation and loneliness Symptoms: Anxious, sad, depressed Who are our true friends? Are they all on social media? We feel alone, even though we have 1000 Facebook friends and a large business network. Who can we trust or turn to when those moments of sadness hit us? Burn out is preventable. Is it time for a service? Do yourself a service. With the accumulation of all the toxic elements we experience in our lives, we cannot afford to NOT book ourselves in for tune-ups. Put yourself into your own calendar for some self-love, nurturing and care before everyone else has a piece of you. Find the way that works for you to stay tuned and balanced so that your precious vehicle – your body, mind and spirit – can travel the road of life with good health and a lighter heart.

Put yourself into your own calendar for some self-love, nurturing and care before everyone else has a piece of you.


Julie Richardson Julie Richardson is a wellness facilitator, author, speaker and BEOlogist. Very familiar with the pressures that professional working mums deal with each and every day, she once tried to do too much and look after too many people and ended up with breast cancer (which she healed from completely naturally – but that’s another story). Since then, she’s been passionate about helping professional working mums choose their sense of balance with a combination of science-based and alternative strategies that release fear, value connection and focus on self-care an nurturing their bodies. She’s also the founder of social enterprise Miamba, a range of natural products designed to help boost your immune system and health. shineonlinemagazine

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WHY WE NEED TO LEARN TO

s e v l e s r u O Love By Amanda Stokes from The Mirror Movement

M

y not so little secret

One night, in May of 2017, I came home and admitted to my husband that for the past 20 years I’d suffered with a secret eating disorder. The realisation that I needed to do something about my bulimia came from me watching the impact my dieting ways were having on my eldest daughter. Except for my secret binges, I had been strictly eating a low carb/high fat diet. My daughter then started refusing pasta because I wasn’t eating it, and would only eat the top off her pizza because that was what I was doing. It was then that I realised the tremendous impact mothers

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have – in particular on their daughters – when it comes to food and body image. During my recovery, I reflected on where I’d learnt everything about my relationship with food. My own mother had struggled with it her whole life, as well as with her body image. It was clearly a case of monkey see, monkey do. In that moment, I knew what I needed to do. If this was my story, then it must also be the story for many others. So I founded the Mirror Movement, which aims to empower mothers to overcome food and body image issues in order to become positive mirror models for their daughters. At the end of 2017, I left my full time teaching job in an exclusive private school, to pursue my passion; helping one mother at a time, help one daughter at a time.


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THE INNER VOICE “Mummy you’re not going to be happy,” my daughter said. A few weeks ago, as I was taking a shower, my little shadow, Miss Lily aged 7, sat quietly watching me before she said: “Mum, you’re not going to be happy about what the voice in my head has been saying.” “Why? What has it been saying?” I asked. “You won’t like it,” she replied “Lil, what has your voice been saying?” “It’s been saying it wishes I wasn’t born and that I’m ugly.” I paused for a moment as the thoughts in my head began racing at a million miles an hour. “Lil, you are such a special person,” I said. “Do you know who that little voice is? That little voice in your head is you. You actually control that voice, you’re in charge of it. Did you know that?”

She looked at me with wide eyes, I could see her little mind ticking as she processed my words. “So Lil, what are you going to say to yourself next time, when your voice starts saying things that don’t feel good?” “I’m going to say I’m kind, I’m caring and I’m funny.” “And Lil, that’s only a few of the things you are. You’re also smart, and strong and loving and helpful. You’re sooooo many things and you’re a really important person in our family. It’s important you always remember that.”

That little voice in your head is you. You actually control that voice, you’re in charge of it.

She shook her head. “Whenever my inner voice says something to me, like I’m not good enough, it’s my job to remind myself that I am actually totally good enough! What are some other things you could tell your voice to say?” I asked. “Tell me three things that make you special.” Lily thought about it for a moment before replying, “I’m kind, I’m caring and I’m funny.” “Great!” I agreed. “Now you know that if your head starts saying things that aren’t nice and that don’t make you feel good, you have the power to say STOP and flip that thinking around because you’re in charge!”

She looked at me through the foggy shower glass and said, “I will. I promise.” And with that she skipped out of the bathroom.

I’m not sure how many of us think of our little people in relation to their inner voices. I felt so grateful to have had an opportunity to teach my daughter that her inner voice is her own, that she controls it. I know how hard life gets as girls grow up. I can recall my own, young inner voice all too well, and it wasn’t kind to me either. But if we can teach our children, as early as possible that the voice in their head is theirs and encourage them to challenge that voice and make it respond in a way that makes them feel good about themselves, how much better off will they be later in life? When our children are scared, worried, nervous or sad, we can address their needs by asking them what’s happening in their heads. Is there a little voice telling them that something is scary? Is there a little voice telling them that they’re going to make a mistake if they try? As grown ups

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we know self-doubt all too well, and we also know how important overcoming it is.

make these situations better, and for that reason I was always the first to apologise whether something was my fault or not. I didn’t need to be right, I just needed things to be ok. I needed resolution because I worried desperately that when anyone was angry with me it meant they no longer The saying ‘Be who YOU needed when loved me. As a result of that, when I am you were younger’ comes to my mind angry with one of my children and I lose often. I find myself thinking about how my temper, within moments of calming different my life would have been if my down, I go up to them and remind mother had loved her body, if she’d had a them that even if I’m angry with their positive relationship with food instead of behaviour, I always love them. I reassure one of constant struggle. We can’t turn our them just in case they feel like I did when I own pasts around, but we can think back was small. to when we were little girls, and remember the things that impacted us, the things One of the most heart-warming things for that made us happy or sad or confused, to me is hearing my daughters during a fight, help us understand how our kids might be saying to each other through clenched feeling right now. I couldn’t handle arguments or conflict of any sort as a child, and I prefer to shy away from them as a grown up too. As a child I was filled with a desperate need to

BEING A POSITIVE MIRROR

And positive body image must start in the home. With us. Women who have learned to love themselves.

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teeth, “I don’t like you right now, but I still love you!” What did you need when you were younger that you didn’t get? What change can you create for your own children? Raising strong daughters is not easy. At a time where society is so focused on external appearances, where images are photo shopped, and where fake is the new normal, we want to make sure our girls grow up with a positive relationship with food and their body. We want them to have selfrespect and love who they are. Healthy comes in all shapes and sizes. We cannot leave the teaching of this message to schools. Dieting myths need to be debunked. And positive body image must start in the home. With us. Women who have learned to love themselves.

Amanda Stokes Amanda Stokes is on a mission to change the lives of young girls around the world by empowering mums with body image issues to recognise the huge impact we’re having on our daughters lives. From the earliest age, they mirror our behaviour. It’s our responsibility to be the change we want to see in our home and carve out a more positive track for them, and for us. Amanda is currently running a Kickstarter campaign to bring to life her idea for Positive Body Image Dolls, that reflect the size diversity that is currently lacking from our children’s worlds. For your chance to be one of the first to own these dolls, head to her website and pledge your support. shineonlinemagazine

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s p i T 5 Top

W

e all have one and it’s spoken m a n y times. That tiny voice in your head that chimes in to remind us we’re not worthy, not as good as people think we are and that sooner or later, they’ll find out we’re a fraud.

by Fi Mims Photog raphy ON HOW TO BEAT IMPOSTER SYNDROME.

in a different light to what they really are. And that usually means putting ourselves in a bad light.

So what if that person online has it going on? Maybe she’s been doing what she’s doing a lot longer than you have? And always remember that no matter how successful she looks, she’ll have her own issues going on behind the scenes in one way or another. Because we all do.

Everyone has to start somewhere. If you’re going to compare yourself, at least do it with someone who’s on a level Well, it’s time for us all to call out that playing field. Don’t let your thoughts hold little voice. We might not be able to you back, use them to push you forward. control our thoughts but we can decide Instead of saying “I may as well quit,” how we deal with them. Here’s five ways tell yourself, “If I keep going, look what I you can get a head start on kicking your could achieve!” imposter syndrome to the curb. Imposter syndrome.

1. STOP THE COMPARISON

You only have to be online for a moment in today’s social media driven world to see someone who’s kicking goals, looking amazing and living the dream life. Often when we see these people, we take it as an opportunity to criticise ourselves, instead of being inspired.

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Guess what? Chances are that people are looking at YOU and thinking the same thing. Comparison is a cruel beast that twists our thoughts so we perceive things

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2. GIVE UP PERFECTIONISM

We all know it, but we don’t live it – there’s no such thing as perfect! So why are we all so hard on ourselves when things don’t go exactly to plan? The best lessons in life are learnt from our mistakes, and even people who are the best at what they do admit they make them all the time. As Seth Godin (an absolute legend) says, “Everyone who is doing important work is working on something that might not work.” So remember, doing your best is enough. It’s all you need to do.


3. TALK ABOUT IT The worst thing we can do in our business is be in our own heads too much. The best thing we can do is surround ourselves with a supportive network of people we can really talk to. When you find imposter syndrome feelings creeping in, speak to someone in your support network and let them know. Share your thoughts and your insecurities, and you’ll find out that you’re no different to anyone else. Everyone – everyone – suffers from negative self-talk, and by speaking up and sharing, you’ll not only make yourself feel better, you’ll no doubt help someone else by letting them know they aren’t alone!

4. FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT

you can offer them. They’ve chosen to work with you for a reason. Channel your energy into doing great work and let that speak for itself. Ask your clients for feedback and testimonials and keep the best ones in a space where you can revisit them when you need to. Read them on the days when you feel like a fraud, or unworthy, to remind yourself of the value you’re giving to others. Remember, imposter syndrome affects even the most successful entrepreneurs – Sheryl Sandberg, Serena Williams, Maya Angelou and Arianna Huffington are all women that have admitted to feeling it at one point or another. You are not alone.

Life gives us many opportunities. We can choose to listen to the voices in our head It’s an old cliché, but it works. I for one that hold us back, or we can choose to do wouldn’t be where I am in my business the things we really want to do in spite of today if I hadn’t said this to myself on more them. Which will you choose? occasions than I can even remember. You might not always feel ready for challenges. You might not always feel worthy. But if you don’t back yourself and say “hell yes!” to opportunities that feel beyond you, then how are you going to grow? If you want to challenge yourself, you have to let fear into your life. And do you want to know something good about fear? We only feel it when something is important to us. So we should get excited when we feel it!

5. FOCUS ON YOUR ‘WHY’

My last tip on overcoming imposter syndrome is to remove the focus from yourself onto others. Stop focussing on your fear and instead, focus on your clients and what shineonlinemagazine

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: s s e n l u Mindf

THE PERFECT ANTIDOTE TO A STRESSFUL LIFE By Elise Bialylew, Mindfulness Expert

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ew experiences can compare to holding a human brain.

It was my first year of medical training. I was nineteen years old, and as I stood in the cold, sterile dissection room with a brain in my hands, I wondered how a lifetime of memory, feelings and thoughts could arise from this one-kilogram tofu-like substance. This fascination with the brain, coupled with my desire to help people live happy and meaningful lives, led me to a career in psychiatry. But as I moved more deeply into my career I discovered that while psychiatry helped save people’s lives, it often left the flourishing part of the equation to other health professionals. I realised that this was the part of the journey I was most passionate about. I wanted to support people in thriving, not just surviving.

WHY YOU SHOULD PRACTICE MINDFULNESS. Alarmingly, the World Health Organization now considers depression as the leading cause of ill-health and disability worldwide. And for a great number of the people suffering depression there are simple, free and nonpharmaceutical ways of managing their mental health. Much of the research in the field of mindfulness explores the impact of thirty to forty-five minutes of meditation a day on physical and psychological wellbeing. Excitingly, in my own scientific research I discovered that just ten minutes a day of mindfulness meditation over one month supported increased positive emotions, reduced the impact of stress, increased self-compassion and strengthened focus in daily life.

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IT REALLY DOES WORK. There’s plenty of examples in the scientific literature that explain why mindfulness isn’t just a fad, and will continue to become part of our home and work life.

Mindfulness isn’t just a fad.

A groundbreaking study found increased amounts of an enzyme that protects DNA from age and stressrelated damage among regular meditators, suggesting that meditation can protect the cells from age-related damage. Although genetics has an undeniable influence on our mental health, the new science offers a more empowering perspective, where we can, to some extent, become sculptors of our own brains by practising mindfulness.

We know that what we do repeatedly to gets etched into the neural pathways of our brain, reinforcing behaviours or attitudes. When we practise worrying, the worrying circuits of the brain are reinforced. When we practise gratitude, the brain becomes more capable of noticing the good in our lives. When we practise mindfulness meditation, it forms new neural pathways that support greater focus, calm and emotional balance.

BRINGING MINDFULNESS TO YOUR EVERY DAY I wanted to share with you some easy methods for dealing with stress in your life through practising mindfulness.

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USE YOUR BREATH TO CALM YOURSELF DOWN

emotions, we reinforce neural pathways that help us remember to pause when we’re in the heat of an emotion, and use the most evolved part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, to calm ourselves down.

Your breath is intimately connected to your nervous system. Use it to your advantage when you’re feeling stressed to calm yourself down by slowing your breath and extending your exhalation. This will quiet your entire nervous system, keeping you calm rather than reactive, and helping you make better decisions.

TAKE A TENMINUTE HOLIDAY FOR YOUR MIND

NAME IT TO TAME IT

When we’re stressed, the last thing we feel like doing is to stop and meditate. But research shows that meditating for just ten minutes can help you be more focused and effective. Give your mind a tenminute holiday and it will reward you with a powerful return on investment with greater focus, clarity and effectiveness.

Research shows that meditating for just ten minutes can help you be more focused and effective.

Neuroscientific research shows that when we’re stressed, talking or writing about how we’re feeling helps us to calm down. As we become more mindful of difficult

Mindfulness really is the antidote to a stressful life. So don’t wait! Start a mindfulness practise today.

Elise Bialylew Elise Bialylew is founder of Mindful in May, the world’s largest online global mindfulness campaign, raising money for global poverty and featuring the world’s leading mindfulness experts. She’s a doctor trained in psychiatry, a mindfulness expert and author of the #1 bestselling meditation book, The Happiness Plan. Elise is passionate about supporting individuals and organisations to develop inner tools for greater wellbeing and flourishing at the Mind Life Project and her work has been featured on Australian Television and Radio. Join her FREE 5 days to mindfulness program and learn more about Mindful in May.

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e n l u f d n Mi is

Elise Bi

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ess a fad sn’t

ialylew

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Q&A 36

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s e m a e B e i g r o e G ON FREEDOM, EMPOWERMENT AND FOOD Tell us about your business; who are your clients and why do they choose you? I’m a Psychologist, who specialises in the area of emotional eating, self sabotage and weight. I have both a private practice and an online program called the Freedom program and through this, I support women to get off the merry-go-round of going from one food extreme – stressful dieting – to the other – being out of control with food and emotional eating or bingeing instead. The women on my Freedom Program are from all around the world. They’ve tried a million diets, they feel like a failure and they feel powerless around food. They choose me because of my professional expertise, the fact that I take an approach that’s evidence based, and because of my own personal experience – I’ve walked in their shoes. The merry-go-round isn’t uncommon and it’s very natural for women to move from one extreme to the other. I give women effective strategies so they don’t need to do that. They’ll feel empowered around food and are able to take back control of their eating decisions which gives them confidence and freedom in all areas of their life – not just food.

What inspired you to start your business? I struggled with my relationship with food and my weight for so many years and I was looking for answers in all the wrong places. I was thinking (and hoping!) that I was only one diet away from being skinny, and that when I got skinny, everything would fall into place and I could escape my current life. It me took over a decade to realise that this was just a fantasy. What happened in reality was that I was yo-yoing between being slim or overweight. And even when I was slim, it was such hard work to get there, and when I got ‘there’ I couldn’t stay there. The weight loss didn’t make me feel any better about myself, and my life didn’t fall into place. I felt like I was robbed! I started to question it all, and this began my own journey. It involved years of therapy, research and lots of naval gazing. It was a lot of trial and error, but I found this inside-out approach was effective and sustainable, and not only did it change my weight through natural weight loss but it significantly increased my confidence and self worth. It positively affected all other areas of my life…and I just knew it was my passion to empower other women to do the same in their lives.

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What did you find was the biggest challenge in setting up your online course? When I first started and my website went live, I expected that women would find me and simply sign up for my program. And I thought that it would all happen easily! How naïve was I! I didn’t appreciate just how much fear of failure there was (and is) from women who have been going riding the rollercoaster for years because the dieting industry plays on our fears, and wants us to fail because then they sell us another quick fix. What I’ve found actually works well is to run small challenges to give women a taste of what’s possible. This way they can start to see how they feel when they use my approach. Then they want more, and never look back!

everything to move really quickly. It’s definitely a process, and I have grown and evolved as a person and a professional, and my comfort level just keeps expanding, slowly but surely. What do you love most about what you do?

Supporting women from all around the world to feel empowered around food. In my Freedom Program I have the most beautiful community of women who share things about their life and themselves that they don’t share with anyone else. The Freedom ladies visit each other, they even fly to another city to catch up with each other, they have visited each other in hospital, attended musicals where one of the Freedom ladies was performing and so much more. The What have you learnt about yourself impact that these ladies have on each other through the process of building your is amazing, and the Freedom work affects business? all areas of their life in a really positive way. An example of this is that 20% of my ladies It’s a personal development journey and all have either got a new job or a promotion of your issues are triggered! Whether that’s since joining us, and they say that they did fear of failure, fear of success or visibility not have the confidence to do this before. issues, it all involves stretching and growing both personally and professionally (much more than what I found in the corporate TRUTHBOMB TIME: Online it game). I think this is because a big part of can appear everyone’s smashing it our identity is the business. I’ve done a lot in business, whilst in reality we’re of work on myself to see my business as all facing challenges behind the only a PART of me, not ALL of me. scenes. Can you share something YOU struggle with on a day-to-day I also thought it would be a faster journey, basis when it comes to running your and I started off impatient, wanting business?

I struggled with my relationship with food and my weight for so many years and I was looking for answers in all the wrong places.

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My number one challenge is around setting and sticking to my boundaries. Running an online business means that you can be available 24/7 should you choose to. I don’t prioritise enough time for me (yet!), just to be rather than do. As you know, there is ALWAYS something to do. I also have a 2 year old at home and sometimes it can be hard to switch off. But I’m really aware of it all and I’m definitely a work in progress. What do you think is one trait people must have to be a successful entrepreneur? Courage. Courage to put yourself out there, courage to keep going when things get tough, and courage to work through

your personal barriers and blocks when they’re triggered. Being a successful entrepreneur isn’t all about strategy. I have a coach I work with weekly on clearing my blocks and the barriers that hold me back, and you need courage to do this. What’s one piece of advice that has never left you? It’s not what happens to us, it’s how we respond. We can’t control the future or the outcome, but we do have a choice in terms of how we respond to a situation, and we can choose to respond instead of react. I find that providing some space between the situation and your response is really important.

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My number one challenge is around setting and sticking to my boundaries.

Have you had any defining moments in your business? I was working on my business as a side hustle many years ago. I had developed my online program and to cut a long story short, I lost EVERYTHING online with NO backup! I had a choice – I walk away, or I keep going. After having a few vinos that evening to soften the blow, I used it as an opportunity to redesign my program and now I reflect back and see what happened as blessing in disguise because it was an opportunity to create something even better! It also gave me clarity – I knew my program was more than a side hustle and I just went for it!! Where do you find your inspiration? Professional and personal development. This year I travelled to a conference in the USA, which was conveniently located in Disneyland. My husband and son went to Disneyland during the day whilst I was

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at the conference. Everyone was happy! The conference had the most amazing entrepreneurs I’ve ever met, and it blew my mind. The experience and learnings really expanded my perspective on what’s possible, and it confirmed to me that the only thing limiting my business and success is me. Since I returned, I’ve had so many amazing shifts and one of the speakers at the conference is now my business coach, and in 3 short weeks of working with him, I’ve transformed my business and I’m so excited about the future. What are you excited about right now? I’m learning a new approach from my new business coach that involves collaborating with like-minded partners or affiliates. I am looking at selecting a few partners who have a similar approach and values, where they can only take their client so far because they don’t have my expertise with food and weight. We partner up, and their


clients will complete my Freedom Program so they get a greater outcome, and the partner can gain a new revenue stream. I can see so many opportunities to have an even greater impact. What are you looking forward to right now? I’ve designed a 7-day challenge for women to feel empowered and calm around food,

build their self-confidence. The challenge is life changing, and is receiving the most amazing feedback. I’ve had women not only stop thinking about food, and not bingeing after doing the challenge, but the positive effect has spilled over into other areas of their life, and they attribute the challenge to be successful in securing a new job. I can’t wait to have an even greater impact on women’s lives, it’s very exciting!

Georgie Beames A registered psychologist who specialises in working with women and their weight, Georgie has provided professional support to many inspiring women for more than 12 years through her private practice and group programs, helping them deal with thing like emotional eating and self-sabotage. She’s passionate about empowering women to live a fulfilling and meaningful life that isn’t defined by their weight. She does this by giving them the strategies and tools they need to get out of their own way and stop the behaviours that are holding them back in life so they can finally become the person the want and deserve to be. Join Georgie on her 7 Day Challenge to feel more empowered and calm around food, and feel more confident in yourself. shineonlinemagazine

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We can’t control the future or the outcome, but we do have a choice in terms of

d n o p s e r e w . n how o i t a u t i s a to Georgie Beams

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WITH STACEY CURRIE Interview by Fi Mims

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hen you hear about the start in life that Stacey Currie had, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to think she should be living on the streets, in jail, on drugs or even dead. But in addition to having built a multimillion dollar printing business (with clients like Coles and BHP), Stacey is a mother of five and a keynote speaker and mentor who has used what she’s learned in her life to create a process that helps others make the changes they need to make in their lives. Through her unique Good Riddance method, she shows people how to escape the drama and make choices more easily.

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Here I speak to Stacey about her start in life (buckle up for one heck of an incredible story) and how she changed her life when it truly looked like she had nothing left. Fi:

So Stacey, before we talk about where you are today I would really love you to take me back to where your story started. It’s an understatement to say that you had a tough beginning and dealt with things that none of us would ever want to have to deal with. Can you talk about that a little bit? Your upbringing and early years?

Stacey:

Yeah, so, my mum was a teenager when she had me. And I grew up with my dad in one of the most underprivileged housing commission streets in Nowra NSW. And then when


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would work, and there would be five of us at home, on our own, running amuck. What ended up happening in that shed was that I fell pregnant. And I didn’t even know about pregnancy. I didn’t know about periods. Nothing. we moved to Melbourne, I lived in the shed in the backyard of dad’s housing commission house there. I lived in the shed not because I had to. I wanted to because I could party and do what I wanted, with who I wanted, out in that shed. So it was just a fine-arse life for me. Being a child, you imagine you’ve got no rules whatsoever… Fi:

I was going to say, as a kid it’s what we all want, isn’t it?

Stacey:

Oh, absolutely. I think of my poor kids today and think, “Oh, they’ve got no life.” Because I control their lives! So every morning, I got myself to school and back. I didn’t have parents to pick me up and get my school uniforms or lunches. I had none of that. We didn’t even have lunches, you know? Because my dad, he met another woman, so there were seven of us. It was full on and really dysfunctional. None of us had rules. In the school holidays dad would work, my step-mum

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Fi: How old were you then? Stacey: 15 Fi: Wow. Stacey:

What happened next was I walked into the kitchen, and dad was standing in the kitchen showing me this hernia on his belly button and I was like, “I’ve got one of those, too.” So I went to the doctor’s and I found out I was pregnant. I ran home, I threw the test at dad, and dad went out and bought a cask of wine to celebrate my pregnancy. So that’s the kind of dysfunction I look back on, but at the time to me it was just normal. I ended up moving out and I still went to school so I could get a job, and I took my baby with me. Then I’d walk home, dad would take the baby and I’d go and work at a waitress job.

Fi:

I just have to ask, how was that, taking your baby to school? And how was the school with that?

Stacey:

They didn’t know that I was pregnant at the start. I got


called up to the office one day because there’d been rumours that I was pregnant. The school already knew I was a dysfunctional child, getting kicked out of class every day and suspended all the time, so when they took me to the office they already knew that something wasn’t right. I then said “Yeah I’m pregnant, so what? Move on.” And they let me stay at school. I had the baby in the December school holidays and then I went back to school in February when we started. And they were cool with me, the teachers used to take Josh into the staff room where they had morning tea. I had a few teachers that were really supportive. I mean, look, everyone probably assumed Stacey would end up in this situation, so it wasn’t a big shock. Fi:

It’s still incredible that they … I mean I can’t imagine that happening today with a school. I think it’s commendable, isn’t it?

Stacey:

Yeah. There was even a subject where they’d use my baby’s milestones as examples. It was pretty cool. But then once he started walking it got a bit too hard, so I finished school and then started TAFE. So then I moved out of that town because it was just too full on. Dad used to rescue heroin addicts and homeless people, and all of us had our boyfriends living there. It was full on. It was only a

three bedroom house and there were people everywhere. So I moved out at 18, and not long after I found out I was 18 weeks pregnant with Thalia. And I know this sounds ridiculous but I still didn’t know about periods. Like I knew what it was, but I didn’t know it was a cycle and that they would come every four weeks. Fi:

And there wasn’t any talk about protection back then?

Stacey:

No! No! I think the nurses might have tried to tell me about condoms and stuff back when I had the baby. But I didn’t take it all seriously. I didn’t even care. I just mustn’t have cared because I honestly didn’t even think to go on the pill! So I find out I’m 18 weeks pregnant with Thalia. And that was because I had this lump on my belly again and I though, oh, I’ve got another hernia (laughs)... and I find out I’m pregnant again. So at this stage I took them both to TAFE with me and I’m still working at the café. And then the lady whose unit I was living in split up with her boyfriend and she wanted to move back in. So when she asked me to leave, I found myself homeless. So I just stayed with a friend that I liked to party with. And I just crashed on her lounge room floor with no mattress, just a blanket and pillow. Then I went to a nightclub one night and that’s when I met my violent boyfriend. And it was violence from there …

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Fi:

And how long did you stay in that relationship for?

Stacey:

Oh, look, that’s a long story in itself. I was with him for a couple of months when he bashed me. Then we had a baby. And then the baby was hurt, and that’s when DHS (Department of Human Services) got involved and said I had to get rid of him. That was after a couple of years.

Fi:

Stacey:

Isn’t that funny, because reading about your story I always figured you knew you were in a rough place, but you didn’t have the strength to get out of it. But it’s really amazing to hear that it was actually the opposite. That you thought that was great and how dare they change this.

Stacey:

Oh, absolutely. Because I’d been homeless and now I had a unit with this bloke!

Obviously you had a kid with him so I know that can make it hard to walk away, but did you know from the very beginning of that relationship that it was bad, but you just felt like you couldn’t get out? Or was it just that you thought that was normal because of your life up until then? No, you know what, when I met him he was so jealous of me, so possessive, and I loved it. Because I had never felt loved by anyone in my whole life. So to have this guy so obsessed that he wouldn’t let other guys talk to me or look at me, I was like, oh, this guy loves me! And I honestly felt loved for the first time. When DHS were trying to take my kids off me I though, how rude that they were trying to change my life! I was so angry that they were taking this guy off me. How dare they take this guy that I love out of my life! Because I thought it was normal. When they said you’ve got to change your life or lose your kids, I was scared shitless. Because I thought my life was perfect.

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We fought every day. We’d punch on every day. It was physical. It was mental. It was a disgusting relationship that I’m not proud of to this day, but I’d never known anything other than dysfunction. He’d taken on me and my two kids; how lucky am I? And I’d found a unit, so going from homeless to finding a unit, I felt like the luckiest duck on the planet. Fi:

When DHS came and threatened to take your kids away, was that the moment that changed things for you?

Stacey:

Yeah, absolutely. I was court ordered to go to counselling, and that counsellor just … she changed my life. She told me to start reading books, and I hated books. I’d never been a reader. But I started to read selfdevelopment books, and I was implementing the tips and tools from them … because I wasn’t allowed to see my ex. If I saw him, my kids would be taken then and there. So I had to find something else in life. And not only that, I had to get rid of all of my toxic friends, I had to get


rid of everything in my life and I had nothing. So reading these books and relating to some of the stories … not as brutal as mine but still … I started to implement a lot of these tools and saw my life changing and was like, wow! Then I went on to get myself a traineeship, and the boss who took me on used to tell me how smart and intelligent I was but I didn’t believe it … I didn’t know. And he was giving me all these massive jobs and I was kicking arse with it all. And I was meant to finish the traineeship in 4 years and I finished it in 3 years and I smashed my work. I was nominated for most outstanding student, they kept all of my work as examples because it was so good. And ... just the feedback from achieving all of that made me feel like I really was smart and I can achieve things in life. Then I went on to win my dream job and it just went up

and up from there. I just found this whole new life that I didn’t know existed. And that’s why I was so excited! Fi:

Yeah, wow. So I mean, fastforward to today and you are the co-founder of a multimillion-dollar printing business with your husband, yes?

Stacey: Yes. Fi:

And a coach and a mentor and a public speaker now. So just from reading those books and implementing those tools, you suddenly realised that there was a better life out there and you just never looked back?

Stacey:

Well I had to lose everything. I mean I could have chosen to lose my kids and stay in the life I had, but I didn’t want that. So I got rid of everything. And you imagine as well, being told all my life that my own mum didn’t want me, no one wanted me and I was a scumbag. All of my life I’d only ever heard that

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I was a bad person. So I had to tap into this belief in my gut that I’d always had, which was to say “fuck all you people, I’m going to go and win this job”. And that’s what I did. I worked my way up, getting better and better until I eventually won it. But what happened was, when I won it my nine-year-old son wasn’t coping with a lot of shit that he’d been dragged into, so he tried to commit suicide. And the principal called me into the school and said Josh has tried to commit suicide. And I’m like, holy shit, now what am I going to have to do? I’m going to have to resign from my dream job because I need to be able to take him to psychologists and counsellors. If I work full time I’m not going to be able to take the time off, I don’t want them to know my story. Because I wasn’t telling anyone my true life at this stage. I was embarrassed. Then I walked into my en suite and saw this quote I’d blue-tacked to my mirror and it said, “Your positive attitude can literally rewire your child’s brain to success, happiness, confidence, and health.” That’s when I realised the worst thing I could do for my son right now was to revert back to my old life. So I thought no, I’ve got to stay on this positive path, stay doing what I want to do. I knew I couldn’t have a full time job, but I knew I couldn’t sit at home and just do nothing any more. Anyway long story

short, I ended up starting the printing business and in the first year I made $300,000 worth of sales. Fi:

Wow. How did you do that, like, within the first six months? How did you achieve that?

Stacey:

I just sat on the phone. I would get on the phone and ring 100 people a day. For months and months. It took ages. I didn’t get paid for the first three years. But I didn’t care about the money, I just needed to do it for my kids. I had to stay on this positive path. I got addicted to this positive life. And then I had to do an interview for a newspaper … but I wasn’t sharing my story because again I was embarrassed about my story. So no one knew about my secret, only I knew. And my dad rang me up and said, somebody’s called me, they saw the interview in the newspaper. And a lot of people from my past were saying, “wait until the customers find out the truth of her life, that she was a teenage mum and that her mum didn’t want her, and she’s slept in housing commissions and she had her kids nearly taken off her” … and all this stuff. And I went to bed that night crying my eyes out with anxiety thinking, now I have to quit the business. So now not only have I lost my dream job, now I’m going to have to quit the business and I don’t know what to do from here.

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So I woke up the next morning and I thought, you know what, I don’t care. And I went and wrote my book, thinking I’ll get my story out there so these people can’t blackmail me.

couldn’t have sat there and got a vision board and been like, “Oh yes, I’d love to have these houses, these carpets.” To be honest I was living my dream life! I had my Commodore (laughs), I had a unit that I thought was just the best unit... I look back now and can’t believe it but I honestly felt rich in that unit!

And I was either going to lose everything, or I didn’t know what was going to happen. And you wouldn’t believe it, I ended up having TV people ask me to do interviews, I got invited to speak on stages all over Australia, I ended up getting invited to go to America. And that’s how that all happened. I didn’t even intentionally want to become a speaker. Fi:

Stacey:

With your speaking you have this unique take which you call your “Good Riddance Theory.” Can you tell me a little bit about that? Don’t give away all the secrets because people should go and hear you talk and read your book! You know everyone tells you to have a vision board and focus on what you do want in life? All these really successful people are out there saying “Put on a vision board what you do want. Always focus on what you do want.” But to be honest, when I’ve gone back and looked at how I really did change my life, I soon realised that every year in my diary, I had a page that says what I want to get rid of each year. And I went, “You know what, I’ve always focused on what I don’t want.” When I was in that hospital that night when DHS gave me my two choices, I had no idea what a better life looked like. I

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So, I couldn’t have even thought to put something on a vision board. I would never have been able to know that the life I’m living today existed. What I had to do was focus on what I didn’t want and get rid of the things I didn’t want: the toxic friends, the partying, the alcohol, the drama, the gossip. I had to get rid of all of that shit to then find the good shit. That’s how I came up with that. Fi:

You say in another one of your quotes, “You don’t realise your own strength until being strong is your only choice.” But a lot of us, we want to make changes in our life but we’re not necessarily at rock bottom. So I’m really interested to know what you think ... I mean, how do people tap into that strength when they’re not at rock bottom? And do you think some people are just more wired to be able to change their lives than others?

Stacey:

Good question. When you have to fight for life, you soon find the strength in you that you just didn’t know you had. And you soon get over caring what other people think of you. You get over your fears, you get over your doubts, because you have


to. You’ve got no other choice. But when you’ve got a choice, to sit there and feel your fears and doubts, it’s harder to get over them. If there’s someone who wants to change, I help them by telling it like it is and giving them the confidence to change. Fi:

And even just the permission to say, “You know what, you can do it. It’s okay.” Because I think a lot of us, we just want permission from someone else to say, “Yep, you can do it.”

Stacey:

Yeah. And I’m not saying that people wouldn’t get there eventually. But when I talk to people I can be that person who gives permission. To say, “Go and do it. Just do it.” Otherwise they might procrastinate year after year and not make any change at all.

It’s just about having that selfbelief and not giving a shit what anyone thinks.

Fi:

I know that another one of your messages is around mental resilience. Do you think we have less mental resilience now than what we used to? I mean, just with all the modern day trappings and the quick fixes we have on offer to us, do you think it’s harder to get out of a negative place because our mental resilience is not as good as it used to be?

Stacey:

I don’t know if it’s not as good as it used to be, but one of the things I can definitely say, if social media were around back in my day there’s no way I

would have gone on to achieve all that I have. Fi: Really? Stacey:

No. There’s no way because it’s such a distraction. It is such a distraction. And I will not put my business on social media – BrandPrint Australia - because my biggest sales come from knocking on doors and making phone calls and seeing people face to face. Not social media. I mean, in the five minutes you spend on social media, you could be on the blower ringing ten companies. Or knocking on doors. So, honestly, I’m so thankful that social media wasn’t around. A lot of people are looking at things and thinking, oh I want a piece of that! Then they lose their mindset and say I’m not good enough, I’m not smart

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enough, I don’t have this. And they doubt themselves already before they even begin. See I didn’t have any of that, so I had no doubt. I get on there to post, and get off. I don’t like it. It just can really distract your brain. Fi:

Stacey:

Yeah, I mean you do have a presence on there, but what you’re saying is you don’t spend the time on there that you see a lot of other people spending, and you keep it to a minimum, to connect with your audience and that’s it. Yeah. You know there are times like when I was given those two choices and I had nothing in my life. Now, if I’d had Twitter and Instagram and Facebook, you know what I would have done? I’m a single parent and I would have sat and distracted myself all day just looking and scrolling and doing that, rather than getting off my arse and going and smashing my traineeship. And that’s why I think a lot of people are losing their mindsets, because it’s too easy to sit and waste time now. If you’re bored, oh let’s just get on social media

and waste the hour, instead of getting up and going for a walk or smashing it out at the gym for that hour, or ringing 100 … or 20 clients in that hour. Fi: Absolutely. Stacey:

You lose your mindset because you’re looking at pointless shit. That’s my theory anyway.

Fi:

(Laughs) You’re right, no it can be an absolute time sucker. I love your theory. I could talk to you all day Stacey, I love your take on life. You’re such an awesome example of someone who’s come from just surviving to really, really thriving, and it’s been wonderful to hear your story. And I think hearing other people’s stories, seeing an example of how to make positive change, it really helps people say to themselves, well they’ve done it so I can do it. And you’ve obviously been that person for a lot of people including your own kids. Thank you so much for your time!

Stacey:

Thanks for listening.

Stacey Currie By any standard, Stacey should be living on the streets, in jail, on drugs or dead. Today, she is a keynote speaker, successful businesswoman, mother of five and inspiration to thousands of people on ‘Struggle Street’. Using her street-smart wisdom, Stacey lives by the philosophy (and helps others do the same) that to be more, you need less. She’s a change expert who shares from her own life experience of making positive change to turn the traditional goal-setting approach of ‘focus on what you want’ on its head. She’s the author of two books The Rich Get Richer, The Poor Can Too and the soon to be released Good Riddance: How to make hard choices easy for a change.

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Shine Magazine is edited by Amey Lee from Heart Content.

and designed by White Deer Graphic Design

Profile for Fi Mims Photography

Shine Magazine Issue 6  

Shine Magazine Issue 6  

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