farahzine27

farahzine27 september2022

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welcome to farahzine27 for september 2022

On 15 September 2022 at 8:09pm, I wrote the following in my notes app:

I have a deep desire to capture the moment. Imprison it. My impression of it.

so this farahzine will honour that wish. I will enclose the moment, as captured in September 2022, with minimal editing. what I choose to select for this zine from the vantage point of April will partially betray that desire to cage impressions as they appeared at the time…. but if I do not do that, I will be fully betraying the underlying desire to capture ’the’ moment. I am now capturing impressions of impressions. i hope you enjoy this story.

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...later, I got onto the 100E to the centre…… on the bus, [immediately after it took off] there was this guy who started hitting the window for the bus to stop. It stopped. He got off and started calling for his friend. The bus driver got off and [tried] to kick him off. The guy was a young man, laughing throughout the whole thing. He didn't care. He had an interesting nose, I observed. It was a normal slope then it suddenly picked up at the tip. I admired it, although the guy himself made me and everyone else on the bus feel uncomfortable, [yet I couldn't help but admire how interesting his nose looked]. A girl on the bus asked me about [validating] the ticket. I’m not from here, I told her. I’m using [this app]… the people around me were Spanish. [I think she was part of the same group. I really want to befriend a stranger but I decide this isn't the place to do it]. My backpack [was so heavy against my back] that I had to hold onto the bus strap. My hands hurt by the end.

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….

before we got there, there was this big pond/ pool thing with a little edge connecting both sides of it. It is not meant to be walked on but I saw a couple walking there. I wanted to do it. ………. got scared after …. saw me wobble a bit in the middle. I made it. I felt victorious and a bit betrayed …. wasn't brave enough. Now that I think about it, I was being so reckless. [imagine being so] big and heavy, [imagine] fall[ing]…. But in the moment, I wondered about the cowardice. I wondered about my bravery.

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……...

throughout these antagonistic feelings, I kept having to remind myself that I am feeling low for something that has nothing to do with [anyone]. It was David, by Grimes. I kept listening to this unreleased song [she performed] about her friend David who committed suicide in 2008. I cried. I still listen. She cries “I didn't know” and she asks “where does my heart go when you die?” and I cry with her. I’ve never experienced this, but I can [almost] feel [some of what she is feeling] through her song. So I was already sad.

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I’ve been drinking sparkling water

Literally and metaphorically

I’m scared it’ll turn into air

Or bubbles

Something resembling the passing nature of the sparkling water

[15 September 2022 at 8:08pm]

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I have just decided

That I [have now] entered my art therapy phase

10 September 2022 at 6:27pm

I don’t like

Hoisin duck (vegan) - maybe because of the soy sauce. Yuck. Do not like

6 September 2022 at 6:18pm

I want to go to an archaeological meeting to ask archaeologists about their niche interests

6 September 2022 at 6:31 pm

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• Would you rather be a question or the answer?

• Would you rather be excited or relieved?

• What is your favourite thing about growing older/ageing?

• Would you rather be a colour or a sound?

• Would you rather be a painting or a song?

2 September 2022 at 12:42am

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I can say things that I feel. I am not a statue

1 September 2022 at 5.59pm

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i had a little Marina phase in September. a Marina moment. i cried everytime i listened to ‘Ulay, Oh’ by How I Became the Bomb. i still cry how can you be twins and then not???? you don’t stop being a twin. i scribbled down some daring ideas for my own performance art. i am not sharing them here. well - other than this whole zine concept itself of course