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Family Constellation

h. the greater the number of losses, and the graver the losses, that have occurred before.

These rules apply for permanent as well as temporary losses of persons. When losses are temporary, rule g must be modified accordingly. It is not the time that elapses before a substitute for the lost person can be found, but the time before the lost person himself returns, that must be considered (see Toman 1961; Toman & Preiser 1973). Rule c implies that the loss of a parent is considerably graver than the loss of a sibling, the loss of a much older sibling is graver than the loss of a slightly older sibling. This corresponds well to clinical-psychological observations of losses and their effects. Rule d implies, among other things, that is is easier for a person to get over the loss of a considerably younger sibling than over that of a slightly younger one. But it also implies that the loss of a sibling older than oneself is psychologically harder to take than the loss of any sibling younger than oneself. This is plausible in view of the fact that one has usually lived with a sibling older than oneself all of one's life but with a sibling younger than oneself only for as long as that sibling has lived. Besides, an older sibling has always known a time when the younger sibling was not yet around. If he is irked by the arrival of his younger sibling, which is true in most cases, he also has an idea of how this situation could be remedied: namely, by restoring the original state of affairs or, in other words, by transporting the newcomer to where he was before he was born. Having experienced the desired state of affairs in reality, the oldest sibling is better able to cope with his wish to get rid of the other. The youngest sibling as a rule has never lived without the older one. He cannot organize his feelings of rivalry and annoyance with his older sibling into a wish to be rid of him, and then suppress that wish, as well as the older sibling can. The younger sibling has never seen such a state of affairs in reality. He has never been wttihout the other. Hence, if he

Profile for FamilyConstellation

Walter Toman - Family Constellation - Its Effects on Personality and Social Behavior  

Walter Toman - Family Constellation - Its Effects on Personality and Social Behavior

Walter Toman - Family Constellation - Its Effects on Personality and Social Behavior  

Walter Toman - Family Constellation - Its Effects on Personality and Social Behavior

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