MY Authentic Life July 2017 issue

Page 58

Talk to Tamara

Tamara, the relationship whisperer, is like a walking instruction manual for all of your love, dating. and relationship questions. Ask her your burning questions and she’ll guide you in the direction that is right for you. by Tamara Green

Part 3 - Seven Powerful Secrets for Achieving Delicious Intimacy Would you like to experience delicious intimacy in your relationship? Good! Welcome to the final edition of a special 3-part series Survival Guide For Couples: Reigniting Intimacy. In last month’s column, I explained the four main culprits for erosion of intimacy: 1) Unintentionally hurting each other, 2) Overreactivity or drama, 3) Turning away or the White Elephant Syndrome and 4) Taking each other for granted. Today, I will share powerful tips on how to get some juicy intimacy flowing with your partner. These are the secrets to a healthy, long-lasting relationship.



Imagine Intimacy

Imagination is powerful because beneath the images of the mind, you can tap into the realm of possibility. Like a goal

58 | MY Magazine

or a dream, envision what you want with your partner. What you imagine, so it is. Then, be grateful NOW for what you’ve envisioned before it’s even actualized. Gratitude is key because it’s the gateway to welcoming it into your life.


Be Trusting and Trustworthy Author,

John Gottman, has spent much of his career researching and writing about the behaviors of couples. He reports that trust is built in a culmination of lots of little moments between 2 people. An example of this would be a husband saying to his wife, “Sweetie, I see that you are having a tough time right now. What do you need? How can I help you?” Or, a wife telling her husband, “Thank you for fixing the wobbly doorknob. It’s things like this that make my day run a little easier.” Another interesting trust-builder is asking for help. These examples of small gestures turn out to huge for building a trusting relationship.


Be Vulnerable, Honest and Authentic

If you’re struggling, say so. It’s an amazing opportunity for intimacy with your partner. Here’s what vulnerability, honesty, and authenticity sound like, “Honey, I’m really upset about something and I need a sounding board. Can you help me by listening to my problem and let me know if I’m overreacting?” By letting your partner into your world, he or she feels included and helpful while you feel taken care of.


Pause Feel and Breathe –

This tip is especially for those couples that tend to have drama in their relationship. Whenever you feel stressed and ready to spew your reactive comments and judgments toward your partner, do these three things instead: •

Pause: Stop what you are doing/saying

Notice how you feel: Acknowledge to yourself what you are feeling (anger,