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ENDORSED BY Ms. Bowser offers Washingtonians more than just a vote against Mr. Gray; she represents a positive new way forward. March 30, Washington, DC — Well-schooled in government, including a stint in Montgomery County and two solid terms on the D.C. Council, Ms. Bowser has an appreciation for the city’s successes that fuels her impatience to fix its failings. Accelerating school improvement, continuing economic development without pushing out the poor and middle class, investing in infrastructure and reforming government procurement are the issues that top her agenda and for which she has presented thoughtful ideas. After thinking long and hard about the ups and downs of Mr. Fenty, her self-described friend and supporter, she understands the critical importance of having a team that will speak out when necessary to tell her, “Muriel, stop. Muriel, listen. Muriel, go there.” Her appeal extends to all demographics, in all parts of the city. That is a credit to the power of her vision and the strength of the campaign she has organized and run. Those are promising harbingers of how she would lead the city.
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An intoxicated man was arrested after driving to a police station in Michigan as part of an effort to find a bathroom. Police say the 66-year-old Livonia, Mich., man drove to the Pittsfield Township’s Department of Public Safety building and walked in around 6:30 p.m. Sunday. Police say a breath test indicated that the man was above the legal limit for driving, and he was jailed. (AP) NAKED AMBITION
“I made a work using French national symbols — the cock, the Eiﬀel Tower, the Folies Bergere … ” — STE VEN COHEN, 51, A SOUTH AFRICAN ARTIST, DEFENDING HIS WORK TO STUFF.CO.NZ. COHEN WAS IN A PARISIAN COURT LAST WEEK AFTER BEING ARRESTED FOR PERFORMING AT THE EIFFEL TOWER IN 2013 WITH A ROOSTER LEASHED TO HIS PENIS.
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BEAR WITH HIM: French artist Abraham Poincheval climbs into a fake bear in Paris on Monday, the day before starting his art performance piece in which he will spend 13 days in the bear’s skin. The performance is at the Hunting and Wildlife Museum in Paris.
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Uninsured Rush to Beat Deadline Last-minute sign-ups cause health-care exchanges to crash
“This is like trying WASHINGTON to ﬁnd a parking Report: Waterboarding spot at Walmart Didn’t Aid Bin Laden Hunt on Dec. 23.” A Senate investigation concluded water-
— JA SON STE VENSON , WHO WAS WORKING WITH A UTAH NONPROFIT GROUP HELPING PEOPLE ENROLL
RINGO H.W. CHIU (AP)
In a ﬂood of last-minute sign-ups, hundreds of thousands of Americans rushed to apply for health insurance Monday, as deadline day for President Barack Obama’s overhaul brought long waits and a new spate of website ills. Supporters of the health-care law fanned out across the country in a ﬁnal dash to sign up uninsured Americans. The HealthCare .gov website, which was receiving 1.5 million visitors a day last week, had recorded about 1.6 million through 2 p.m. Monday. At times, more than 125,000 people were simultaneously using the system, straining it beyond its previously estimated capacity. People not signed up for health insurance by the deadline were subject to being ﬁned by the IRS, and that threat was helping drive the ﬁnal dash. The administration announced
The proportion of people who support the health-care law, compared to 48 percent opposed, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll.
Ruben Tares, right, was one of many who tried to get health insurance on Monday.
last week that people still in line by midnight would get extra time to enroll. The website stumbled early in the day — out of service for nearly four hours as technicians patched a software bug. Another hiccup in early afternoon temporarily kept new applicants from signing up, and then things slowed further as the afternoon wore on. Overwhelmed by computer problems when launched last fall, the sys-
tem has been working much better in recent months, but independent testers say it still runs slowly. At St. Francis Hospital in Wilmington, Del., enrollment counselor Hubert Worthen plunged into a long day. “I got my energy drink,” he said. “This is epic, man.” At a Houston community center, there were immigrants from Ethiopia, Nepal, Eritrea, Somalia, Iraq, Iran and other conﬂict-torn areas, many of them trying anew after
failing to complete applications previously. In addition to needing help with enrollment, they needed to wait for interpreters. Many had taken a day off from work, hoping to meet the deadline. The White House was hoping for an enrollment surge that would push sign-ups in the new health insurance markets to around 6.5 million people. That’s halfway between a revised goal of 6 million and the original target of 7 million. RICARDO ALONSO-Z ALDIVAR (AP)
boarding and other harsh interrogation methods provided no key evidence in the hunt for Osama bin Laden, according to congressional aides and outside experts familiar with a still-secret, 6,200-page report. The finding could deepen the worst rift in years between lawmakers and the CIA. (AP) SAN FRANCISCO
Airline Says Bad Warning System Led to July Crash A Boeing 777 that crashed at San Francisco International Airport had inadequate warning systems to alert its crew about problems with air speed, Asiana Airlines said in a filing with regulators released on Monday. However, the airline also acknowledged that its crew failed to monitor and maintain a safe airspeed before the July 6 crash and failed to abort the landing in time. (AP) WASHINGTON
Michigan Rep. to Retire Also Monday iiFed Chair Janet Yellen, left, said low interest rates will continue “for a long time.” iiPolice say a 10-year-old Pennsylvania girl was shot in her sleep in a potential home invasion. ii Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel announced a new agency to improve government’s accounting for missing U.S. war dead iiFour were hurt in an explosion at a gas plant in Plymouth, Wash. (E XPRESS)
Rep. Dave Camp, R-Mich., chairman of the powerful tax-writing House Ways and Means Committee, plans to retire after his current term, he announced Monday. The 60-year-old has served in Congress since 1991. (AP)
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A day after hundreds of people clashed with Albuquerque riot ofﬁcers over police shootings, Gov. Susana Martinez said Monday that she understands the public’s frustration but called on protesters to remain calm while federal ofﬁcials investigate. At least one ofﬁcer was injured and six people arrested as the protesters marched back and forth between downtown and the University of New Mexico for 10 hours Sunday, blocking trafﬁc, trying to topple street signs and calling for the police chief and other city ofﬁcials to resign. It’s unclear if any protesters were hurt. Gas canisters were thrown outside police headquarters, and Mayor Richard Berry said Sunday that at one point protesters trapped
Riot police in Albuquerque, N.M., clashed with demonstrators on Sunday.
police in a vehicle and tried to break its windows. This protest and another last week were in response to the 37 shootings Albuquerque police have been involved in since 2010, 23 of them fatal. The outrage bubble d over re c ent ly w it h the release of a video showing ofﬁcers fatally shooting 38-yearold James Boyd, a homeless camper, as he appeared to be preparing to surrender on March 16. SUSAN MONTOYA BRYAN (AP)
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NEXUS, A RESCUE DOG, waits to be rinsed during a break from looking for bodies Sunday at the site of the mudslide in Arlington, Wash.. The death toll from the mudslide rose to 24, authorities said, with 17 victims identified.
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Kerry in Middle East to Try to Save Peace Talks U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry rushed to the Middle East on Monday for a surprise visit aimed at rescuing his Mideast diplomatic efforts, as peace talks approached a critical make-orbreak point. Kerry landed in Israel late Monday before heading to Jerusalem for talks with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, and then to the West Bank town of Ramallah to meet the Palestinian president, Mahmoud Abbas. (AP) JERUSALEM
11 Ancient Burial Boxes Recovered in Israel Israeli authorities on Monday unveiled 11 ancient burial boxes dating to around the time of Jesus, recovered by police during a midnight raid on antiquities dealers suspected of stealing the artifacts. (AP)
Russia Pulls Back Some Troops Buildup on Ukraine border eased, though Kiev is skeptical
Simferopol, Crimea Russia said Monday it was pulling a battalion of several hundred troops away from the Ukrainian border but kept tens of thousands in place, prompting a worried response from the Kiev government about what the U.S. warned was still a “tremendous buildup.” The U.S. reacted cautiously to the Russian troop movement, with Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel saying that “tens of thousands” of Russian forces still remained along the Ukrainian border. A battalion is about 500 troops. Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov and U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry also discussed Ukraine by phone Monday, a day
OLGA MALTSEVA (AFP/GETTY IMAGES)
While Russian tanks rolled into Crimea on Monday to replace Ukraine’s, a battalion of Russian troops pulled away from the two countries’ borders, confusing Kiev.
after holding talks in Paris, the ministry said. A senior U.S. ofﬁcial said Lavrov had promised Kerry that a division of Russian troops would be pulled back; a division generally consists of thousands of troops.
Still, the new government in Ukraine said the action was confusing at best and possibly disingenuous. “We have information that Russia is carrying out incomprehensible maneuvers on the border with
Strengthening its economic hold on Crimea, Russia sent Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev to Crimea on Monday with promises of quick funds for improved power supplies, water lines, education and pensions for the elderly. Medvedev said Russia will create a special economic zone in Crimea — a peninsula of 2 million people — that will create incentives for business with lower taxes and simpler rules. Russia will also seek to develop the region as a top tourist destination. (AP)
Ukraine,” Ukrainian Foreign Ministry spokesman Yevgen Perebyinis said. “Troops in some places are moving backward, some of them are moving forward. Which is why, obviously, we are worried by these movements of armed forces.” LAURA MILLS AND VLADIMIR ISACHENKOV (AP)
Three blasts in central Nairobi killed at least six people and wounded two dozen Monday evening in a coordinated terrorist strike, officials said. The explosions occurred in a neighborhood known for its large Somali population. Sometimes called Kenya’s “Little Mogadishu,” Eastleigh has seen several grenade attacks over the last year. (AP)
“I alone can make an empire out of a republic.” — DA RTH VA DER, WHO IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT OF UKRAINE ON THE UKRAINIAN INTERNET PARTY TICKET,
French Prime Minister Replaced Paris French President Francois Hollande named former Interior Minister Manuel Valls as France’s new prime minister Monday, just 24 hours after his Socialists suffered heavy losses in nationwide municipal elections. Disappointment with the Socialists’ handling of the economy drove many voters to conservative or antiimmigrant far-right candidates in the elections Sunday and Hollande hopes the reshufﬂe will boost the government’s popularity. Valls is consistently voted France’s most popular Socialist in opinion polls and is considered part of the right wing of the party. He replaces Jean-Marc Ayrault.
JACQUES BRINON (AP)
Six Dead in Kenya Attacks
Manuel Valls was promoted Monday to prime minster in France’s shakeup.
The 51-year-old has drawn comparisons with former conservative French President Nicolas Sarkozy and is also the most popular Socialist among France’s conservative right — he wants, for example, to rethink France’s 35-hour working
week, a Socialist initiative. Ayrault conceded that the elections were “a defeat for the government.” The administration has failed to fulfill its promises to cut France’s more than 10 percent unemployment and boost growth, which was just 0.3 percent last year, according to ﬁgures released Monday. In a prerecorded televised speech, Hollande said it was time for France to enter a “new phase” and pledged Valls would lead a “combative government.” He spelled out some key policy changes that included announcing new unspeciﬁed tax cuts and conﬁrming a plan to slash 50-billion euros in government spending. SYLVIE CORBET AND THOMAS ADAMSON (AP)
Search for Jet Far From Over Perth, Australia Although it has been slow, difﬁcult and frustrating so far, the search for the missing Malaysia Airlines jet is nowhere near the point of being scaled back, Australia’s prime minister pledged Monday. The three-week hunt for Flight 370 has turned up no sign of the Boeing 777, which vanished March 8 with 239 people bound for Beijing from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Still, Prime Minister Tony Abbott said officials are “well, well short” of any point where they would scale back the hunt. In fact, he said the intensity and magnitude of operations “is increasing, not decreasing.” (AP)
NOTING HIS GOAL FOR THE COUNTRY IN A NEWS RELEASE THIS WEEK. THIS IS NOT MADE UP, REPORTS SKY NEWS. DARTH VADER WON 3 PERCENT OF VOTES IN 2012’S PARLIAMENTARY ELECTION, UIP SAID.
The death toll in Guinea from what Doctors Without Borders called an “unprecedented epidemic” of Ebola, the disease
that causes severe bleeding and can kill up to 90 percent of victims who suffer from it. The Ebola outbreak is the first of its kind in West Africa in two decades, and has caused the closure of Guinea’s borders with neighboring Senegal. (AP)
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World Seoul, South Korea North and South Korea ﬁred hundreds of artillery shells into each other’s waters Monday in a ﬂare-up of animosity that forced residents of ﬁve front-line South Korean islands to evacuate to shelters for several hours, South Korean ofﬁcials said. The exchange of ﬁre into the Yellow Sea followed Pyongyang’s sudden announcement that it would conduct live-fire drills in seven areas north of the Koreas’ disputed maritime boundary. North Korea routinely test-ﬁres artillery and missiles into the ocean but rarely discloses those plans in advance. The announcement was seen as an
expression of Pyongyang’s frustration at making little progress in its recent push to win outside aid. North Korea ﬁred 500 rounds of artillery shells over more than three hours, about 100 of which fell south of the sea boundary, South Korean Defense Ministry spokesman Kim Min-seok said. South Korea responded by ﬁring 300 shells into North Korean waters, he said. Residents on front-line South Korean islands spent hours in shelters during the ﬁring, and ofﬁcials temporarily halted ferry service linking the islands to the mainland. Recent weeks have seen a series of North Korean rocket and ballistic missile launches considered acts
AHN YOUNG-JOON (AP)
N. Korea, S. Korea Trade Artillery Fire in Sea
U.S.-South Korea military exercises have raised tensions with North Korea.
of protest by Pyongyang against annual ongoing springtime military exercises by Seoul and Washington. The western sea boundary has
been the scene of several naval skirmishes between the Koreas in recent years. In March 2010, a South Korean warship sank in the area following a torpedo attack blamed on Pyongyang that left 46 sailors dead. North Korea denies responsibility. In November 2010, a North Korean artillery bombardment killed four South Koreans on Yeonpyeong. “The boneheads appear to have completely forgotten the fact that Yeonpyeong island was smashed by our military’s bolt of lightning a few years ago,” a North Korean military ofﬁcial, Yun Jong Bum, said Monday, according to the North’s ofﬁcial Korean Central News Agency. HYUNG-JIN KIM AND JUNG-YOON CHOI (AP)
“If we don’t reduce greenhouse gases soon, risks will get out of hand. And the risks have already risen.” — Maarten van Aalst, an official at the International Federation of the Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies and one of the authors of a U.N. report on climate change. The report Monday warns climate change risks have increased since the last such report in 2007.
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‘Who’s Driving You?’ vs. ‘I’m Driving You’ Taxicab group and ridesharing companies are waging a PR war Washington The fight between taxicab companies and ridesharing companies like Uber, Lyft and Sidecar is not new, but it is taking on a heightened dimension with the help of two local businesses. Melwood Global, the Bethesda-based public relations ﬁrm, and Interactive Strategies, a design and online marketing agency based in Dupont, are working together to represent the Taxicab, Limou-
sine & Paratransit Association — a Rockville trade association representing 1,100 taxicab companies — in mounting its campaign against ridesharing service providers. Four months ago, the association accelerated its efforts to draw attention to what it sees as safety lapses in the ridesharing industry. Melwood helped design the “Who’s Driving You?” initiative as a public safety issue, arguing that ridesharing services do not have stringent enough background checks for drivers and lack proper insurance polices to cover accidents. A major part of the campaign is the website whosdrivingyou.org, which compiles complaints from
“Of course the [taxicab] industry is concerned that other companies are allowed to come in and not play by any of the rules.” — JOHN BOIT, THE CO-FOUNDER OF PR FIRM MELWOOD GLOBAL, ON THE COMPANY’S WORK ON BEHALF OF THE TA XICAB INDUSTRY ASSOCIATION
Twitter, Facebook and Yelp airing concerns ranging from high prices (“I still can’t believe @uber charged $156 for 8 miles.”) to questionable behavior (“Driver tried to stalk me. He had my real number.”) The site also tracks legislation in other states and cities that are considering rules regulating ridesharing companies. One of the campaign’s goals is to have ridesharing
companies comply with the same regulations as taxicab companies. The ridesharing industry is pushing back, accusing the taxicab association of resorting to public safety arguments when it is really trying to stiﬂe competition, Sidecar chief executive Sunil Paul said. “It’s just outright efforts by the taxi lobby to use their inﬂuence to suppress innovation and competi-
tion,” he said. Sidecar recently began doing more comprehensive motor vehicle record checks for drivers, and is adding additional collision coverage. Uber has also hit back, coming out with its own “I’m Driving You” campaign earlier this month on its website, compiling testimonials from drivers about why they chose to become Uber drivers. The company also announced in February that it was expanding its background checks for drivers. As of March 14, Uber expanded its insurance policy and in October, Uber hired outside lobbyists for the first time. CATHERINE HO (CAPITAL BUSINESS)
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Local A man found dead is likely the suspect in case of missing girl Washington Investigators think a man found dead Monday in a D.C. park is the janitor suspected of abducting 8-year-old Relisha Rudd, Police Chief Cathy Lanier said. Ofﬁcials cautioned they had not yet positively identiﬁed the body, found during an extensive search for the missing child at the Kenilworth Park and Aquatic Gardens, as that of Kahlil Tatum. But Lanier said investigators believe the dead man is Tatum, and that he killed himself. One police ofﬁcial, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the investigation is pending, said markings on the man’s body helped lead to the
JAHI CHIKWENDIU (THE WASHINGTON POST)
Police: Body Appears to Be Tatum
Academy recruits with D.C.’s Metropolitan Police Department search for missing Relisha Rudd, 8, on Monday at Kenilworth Park and Aquatic Gardens in Northeast.
early identiﬁcation. “Everything we have is consistent with what we know about his appearance,” Lanier said. It is unclear if the discovery of the body brings police any closer to discovering what happened to Relisha, who was last seen March 1 with Tatum. The 51-year-old worked as a janitor for a D.C. homeless shelter where the young girl lived. Relisha’s
mother has said she allowed the girl to go home with Tatum last month. The possible discover y of Tatum’s body raised more questions than it answered for Relisha’s aunt, Ashley Young. “If it is him, where is Relisha?” Young asked. The discovery of the body came as police ofﬁcers, ﬁreﬁghters and cadets continued a search of the 700-acre park for signs of Relisha.
Lanier declined to speculate how long the body had been in the park or reveal where it had been found.“The best I can tell you the search is still underway,” Lanier said. Local and federal authorities have been searching for Tatum along the East Coast. He is charged with killing his wife in Oxon Hill, Md. Last week, Lanier said that the search had become a “recovery mission” and “we cannot ignore the possibility that he killed her.” Police have also said they are investigating other contact that Tatum had with young girls at the shelter. Several people have told The Washington Post that Tatum frequently offered girls gifts and that he spent a lot of time with Relisha. Lanier would not describe t he t y pe of contact but sa id aut hor it ie s a r e c onc e r ne d .
D.C. Releases Results of School Lottery Washington
PETER HERMANN AND CLARENCE WILLIAMS
More than 17,000 students entered the D.C. school lottery this year, which for the first time included all traditional schools and most charter schools. Parents were allowed to rank up to 12 schools in order of preference, and a computer algorithm matched the children. About 71 percent of families matched with one of their choices, according to data released Monday. Of those who matched, 85 percent got one of their top three choices. So there were plenty of lottery winners. But there were also plenty of folks who are feeling like they lost: the 29 percent who didn’t match any schools, and other families who got into one of their last-choice schools.
( THE WASHINGTON POST )
EMMA BROWN (THE WASHINGTON POST )
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Turnout in Early Voting Was Low Washington Despite predictions that more District residents would vote early for mayor, the opposite has turned out to be true — a sign of potentially historic low turnout and a reason for new uncertainty in today’s already fluid Democratic primary. A little more than 14,000 voters cast ballots during a two-week early voting period that ended Saturday evening. Four years ago, more than 22,000 voted before primary day. Candidates readily blamed a new campaign schedule — previous mayoral primaries have come in early September — and a spate of bad campaign-season weather that included frigid temperatures,
The Turnout Factor In surveys taken ahead of the previous three mayoral primaries, about two-thirds of registered Democrats said they were certain to vote. This year, only 54 percent said they would definitely do so. A low-turnout in today’s election could give Mayor Vincent Gray an advantage, with polls showing a core group of supporters determined to vote for him. But only about 11 percent of early votes were cast in polling places east of the Anacostia River, an area targeted by Gray’s campaign. (T WP)
snowfall, and, on Saturday and Sunday, drenching rainfall that dampened candidates’ last-minute efforts to connect with voters. The weekend of campaigning capped a race in which an eightperson ﬁeld has recently narrowed to two leading candidates, with
polls showing incumbent Vincent Gray and D.C. Council member Muriel Bowser in a statistical tie. An ongoing federal investigation into his last campaign has impeded Gray’s efforts to take credit for a booming economy. MIKE DeBONIS AND A ARON C. DAVIS (THE WASHINGTON POST )
In Brief WASHINGTON
Georgetown Student in Ricin Case to Stay in Jail A federal judge ruled Monday that the Georgetown University student accused of making a deadly poison must remain in jail pending trial. Chief Judge Richard Roberts overruled a magistrate judge’s order that would have allowed the student, Daniel Milzman, to enter an inpatient psychiatric treatment program. (THE WASHINGTON POST)
National Zoo to Allow Bao Bao to Go Outdoors Giant panda cub Bao Bao may soon start venturing outside for the first time with
her mother, National Zoo officials said Monday. Bao Bao will have access to her mother Mei Xiang’s yard this week beginning each day about 8 a.m. as long as the temperature is above 35 degrees and it’s not raining or snowing. (AP) WASHINGTON
Man Gets 25 Years for Shooting at White House An Idaho man was sentenced to 25 years in prison on Monday for opening fire on the White House in November 2011. Oscar Ortega-Hernandez, 23, pleaded guilty in federal court in September to using a semi-automatic assault rifle to fire at least eight rounds at the second and third floors of the White House. (TWP)
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If you need accommodations for a disability, please contact us. The Catholic University of America admits students of any race, color, national or ethnic origin, sex, age, or disability.
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Cover Story Know Your Hoax
Online, It’s Always April Fools’ Day
It’s like the game two truths and a lie: A bank mistakenly deposited $31,000 in a teen’s account, and he spent most of it in days. Seinfeld’s Wayne Knight (aka Newman) died in a car wreck. A chain restaurant will offer milkshakes made with wine. Do you know which of these stories from the past few weeks is fake? (Answer below) (T WP)
Early April Fools’ Google is looking for the very best, like no one ever was — to be Pokemon Masters. OK, not really. But the tech giant appears to have pulled the trigger early on one of its infamous April Fools’ Day hoaxes, this time revealing a “Pokemon Challenge” in their Google Maps app. (TWP)
Once, you couldn’t trust what you read on April 1. Now, that’s pretty much every day.
Livr, the social network for drunk people, had all the trimmings of an ascendant tech startup. A slick promotional video. A hip website littered with buzzwords. Press releases. T-shirts. Grassroots buzz that began in Reddit’s technology forums and bubbled into the mainstream press. The only problem? It was all fake — an elaborate hoax engineered by Brandon Schmittling and Brandon Bloch, two creatives with a lot of free time and little patience for what they call the “absurdity” of modern Internet culture. After dreaming up an idea for a startup so ridiculous no one would believe it, Bloch and Schmittling set out to entice people to buy in. They bought a domain name, designed a website, enlisted actors to play
ANSWER: THE WAYNE KNIGHT STORY IS FAKE
Livr’s earnest co-founders; they “leaked” a fake press release on Reddit, promising an improbable “online party at all times,” a social network limited only by the user’s blood alcohol concentration. First Engadget blogged about it. Then Next Web. Soon Mashable and CNN. Within hours, one of Silicon Valley’s top investment ﬁrms contacted the pair, asking if they needed venture capital. “Livr was one of those ideas you have when you’re sitting around the bar with your friends, and someone says, ‘Wouldn’t it be crazy if … ?’ ” Bloch said laughing. “But these days there’s no such thing as too crazy.” April 1 was previously a oncein-a-year-opportunity to print phenomenal whoppers in newspapers, tell your children penguins can ﬂy and otherwise violate the
everyday norms of human behavior. But pranksters hardly need an annual indulgence for their hijinks anymore: On the Internet, after all, every day is April Fools’ Day. In the past week alone, online hoaxers convinced wide swaths of the online world that a deranged man dressed as a clown wandered unchecked around Staten Island, N.Y., that Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte casually biked to his meeting with President Barack Obama and that R&B singer Trey Songz was gay. There’s no denying the eyebrow-
arching absurdity of these times, where “reality TV” denotes one of television’s more ﬁctionalized outputs and the news swims in headlines too crazy to be true. “I don’t see the distinction much anymore, between fantasy and reality,” explained Bloch. “In my mind, the line is blurred.” Exactly who is doing the blurring, though, is up for debate. Although it’s easy, and perhaps comfortable, to blame the deceivers, the reality is far more complicated. The Web incentivizes page views, no matter how they’re racked up. And so hoaxes are hatched not only by lone pranksters but also marketers eager for attention. They’re often propagated by journalists hungry for clicks and starved for time. Then they’re swallowed whole by an audience drowning in so much information that only the truly crazy stuff stands out. “Americans are just bombarded with information,” said Allen Peter-
“It doesn’t matter to me if people believe it or not. It’s just a hoax and people will move on to another one.” — GEMM A SHERIDA N, THE SUBJECT OF A VIRAL STORY LAST WEEK THAT CLAIMED SHE WAS STRANDED ON AN ISLAND FOR SEVEN YEARS, FORCED TO STRANGLE GOATS TO SURVIVE
son, the executive director of Wine to Water, a tiny water charity behind the “Miracle Machine” hoax of a few weeks ago, which promoted a gadget that claimed to turn water into wine. “I mean, to get their attention on something like the water crisis? The question is, how do we even get that in front of them?” Wine to Water’s hoax was perhaps the most forgivable ruse in recent memory. A ﬁve-person nonproﬁt organization, Wine to Water funds clean-water projects in Haiti, Ethiopia and six other countries. It pays for the projects through donations and sales of its branded wine. A mu lt i nat iona l PR f i r m approached Peterson with the offer of a pro-bono marketing campaign that would play off the Wine to Water name — and get the water crisis in front of millions of people who wouldn’t spend two seconds on it otherwise. Peterson and his organization weren’t concerned about the tactics or the implicit commentary on America’s painfully short attention span. He reasoned that, if the hoax could save one child, the deceit would have paid off. It did. Wine to Water’s donations have shot up more than 20 percent since the hoax; Peterson estimates his charity will reach an estimated 6,000 more people in 2014. But not all hoaxsters share Peterson’s altruism, or Bloch and Schmittling’s sense of philosophical inquiry. Some redirect to phishing sites that attempt to draw out personal information. And a number of sites that propagate fake stories — including Mediamass, or the dubious News -hound.org — proﬁt from display ads when their frauds go viral. One recent News-hound story that took off on Twitter was about the Earth’s gravitational ﬁeld going down for a few minutes. (Ironically enough, that bit of astronomical urban legend originated as an April Fools’ joke … in 1976.) “People are interested in trading this reality for another one,” Schmittling, Livr’s co-founder, said simply. “They want life to be entertainment.” It’s no wonder one day in April is no longer enough. CAITLIN DEWEY (THE WASHINGTON POST )
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SETH WENIG (AP)
Harper Hits Head, Stays In the Game Nationals
Nationals second baseman Anthony Rendon is congratulated in the dugout after he hit a three-run homer in the 10th inning against the New York Mets on Monday.
Up Next: Nats at Mets WEDNESDAY 7:10 P.M., MASN2
Bartolo Colon 18-6, 2.65 ERA
Nats Rally Around Rendon Second baseman hits three-run homer in 10th on opening day
Temperature at first pitch at Citi Field in New York for opening day — five degrees colder than the temperature at kickoff of Super Bowl XLVIII in Northern New Jersey on Feb. 2.
Nationals After almost 4 hours of baseball filled with twists and turns, Matt Williams has his first win as a major league manager. Anthony Rendon hit a threerun homer in the 10th inning and had a career-best four RBIs, twice rallying the Nationals against the New York Mets’ suspect bullpen for a 9-7 victory in their season opener Monday. “I have a stomach ache right now,” Williams said. “There was lots of stuff today. I feel right in the thick of it.” Denard Span hit a tying double with two outs in the ninth off clos-
SETH WENIG (AP)
It didn’t take long before the Nationals had their first scare of the season. In the second inning Monday, All-Star outﬁelder Bryce Harper was shaken up when he got kicked in the forehead by Mets second baseman Eric Young Jr. while breaking up a double play. Harper stayed down for a minute or two and rubbed his head after Nationals manager Matt Williams and a trainer rushed out to check on him. The young slugger stayed in the game, though, and later began Washington’s comeback. “I’m OK, but I’ve got a pretty bad headache right now. I was seeing stars there, but I’ve seen stars before,” said Harper, who passed concussion tests during and after the game. Batting ﬁfth, Harper ﬁnished 1-for-4 with a walk and two strikeouts. MIKE FITZPATRICK (AP)
Gio Gonzalez 11-8, 3.36 ERA
ELSA (GETTY IMAGES)
Bryce Harper is helped up after he was hit while being tagged at second.
Nationals starter Stephen Strasburg struck out 10 but allowed four runs Monday.
er Bobby Parnell, and Ian Desmond put the Nationals in front for the ﬁrst time with a sacriﬁce ﬂy in the 10th. Rendon connected two batters later against former Washington pitcher John Lannan, securing a win for Williams in his managerial debut. “I’ll probably sleep good tonight,”
Williams said. “That’s what we want to have as our DNA — never give up, never give in.” Stephen Strasburg struck out 10 over six innings in his third straight opening-day start. But he fell behind early and was outpitched most of the day by Dillon Gee, given the start-
ing assignment because of injuries to Matt Harvey and Jonathon Niese. Aaron Barrett (1-0) struck out two in a perfect inning to win his major league debut, with family in the stands. “It was such an amazing team win,” he said. “It was awesome to be a part of it.” The Mets lost for only the third time in their last 23 season openers at home. They still own the best mark in the majors on opening day at 34-19. The temperature at ﬁrst pitch was 44 degrees, with wind gusting to 25 mph, but it warmed up as the sun came out. MIKE FITZPATRICK (AP)
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A First Look at Replay Cubs-Pirates game had two calls that went under review
TEST Where Are They Now? With Monday being opening day, let’s see how closely you paid attention to all the offseason moves. We’ve come up with a starting lineup of players who changed teams. Try to identify each player’s new team. The answers are on page 18. (E XPRESS)
Baseball Jacoby Ellsbury CENTER FIELD
GENE PUSKAR (AP)
Major League Baseball’s use of expanded replay drew a workout in Monday’s opener between the Chicago Cubs and the Pittsburgh Pirates, with one call being upheld and another overturned. Cubs manager Rick Renteria asked umpires to take another look after Jeff Samardzija was called out at ﬁrst base in the ﬁfth inning Monday at PNC Park. The call was conﬁrmed on replay after a 2-minute delay. That marked the ﬁrst use of expanded replay in regular-season play. Umpires went to replay again in the 10th inning of a scoreless game, with the original safe call on an attempted pickoff play at ﬁrst by Pittsburgh reliever Bryan Morris overturned after a 2½-minute stoppage. Most calls can be challenged this season under MLB’s new replay
Umpires talk over headsets as a play is reviewed in Monday’s Cubs-Pirates game.
format. The system was tested in spring training and managers didn’t waste much time putting it to use on opening day.
Rollins Makes History Jimmy Rollins made his 14th straight opening-day start for the Philadelphia Phillies, matching Cal Ripken Jr.’s major league record for the most consecutive seasons starting at shortstop for the same franchise. Rollins, the Phillies’ starting shortstop since 2001, also hit his
If you have ever taken prescription pain pills for a medical condition such as a broken bone or dental surgery, we need you for a paid research study at the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). The purpose of this study is to learn more about how opiate pain medication affects the body and brain. Both outpatient and inpatient study visits are required.
Braun Welcomed Back
HEALTHY MEN NEEDED FOR A RESEARCH STUDY
200th home run Monday against the Texas Rangers.
Brewers star Ryan Braun drew a standing ovation in his return from a drug suspension, then was ruled out in the first call overturned under baseball’s expanded replay system as Milwaukee beat the Atlanta Braves 2-0 on Monday. A smattering of boos during Braun’s first atbat was easily drowned out by the overwhelming applause. (AP)
Bartolo Colon David Freese
Brian McCann CATCHER
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Meet Your Challengers!
Introducing the area Express readers you chose to be contestants in this year’s Gold’s Gym Get Fit Challenge. Follow them every Tuesday in Express for the next 12 weeks as they compete to lose weight, to get ﬁt, to change their lives forever—and to win the GRAND PRIZE of $5,000 and a FREE 1-Year Gold’s Gym membership!
CHALLENGER: Tony Towns
CHALLENGER: Nikki Keeley
CHALLENGER: Pamela Nash
Trainer: Megan Freedman Gold’s Gym Location: Van Ness Application Weight: 290 lbs.
Trainer: Luna Kolb Gold’s Gym Location: South Arlington Application Weight: 260 lbs.
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I’m a single father of three teenage boys. My goals in losing weight are to get off my medications, set a healthy example for my boys and be around to see them grow into men.
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Gold’s Gym has over 50 area locations to serve you. Visit goldsgym.com today for a FREE 7-day membership trial! Gold’s Get Fit Challenge
CHALLENGER: Emily Ashley
CHALLENGER: Shaby Tabibi
CHALLENGER: Krystle Hutton
Trainer: Tanner Ash Gold’s Gym Location: Frederick Westview Application Weight: 263 lbs.
Trainer: Ben Atanga Gold’s Gym Location: Rockville Wintergreen Application Weight: 250 lbs.
Trainer: Bernard Richards Gold’s Gym Location: North Potomac Application Weight: 224 lbs.
I want to be healthy and active so I feel good in my own skin, set a better example to my fouryear-old daughter and support my husband’s own weight loss efforts.
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I began my weight loss journey three years ago when my grandma passed away from diabetes. I’ve already lost 136 pounds and would love to reach my goal weight of 175!
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Capitals Throughout the season, the Capitals’ play at even strength has been a glaring weakness. Washington, which ranked 23rd in total ﬁve-on-ﬁve goals as of Monday, is on pace to ﬁnish with roughly 138. That would be the Capitals’ lowest output in a full season since 2005-06, when they ﬁnished 27th in the NHL standings. The Capitals’ even-strength woes have been magniﬁed over the
past month as they ﬁght for a playoff spot. Washington’s top-six forwards have failed to produce any offense during ﬁve-on-ﬁve play as the season winds down. Alex Ovechkin, currently in a curious partnership with defensive-minded center Jay Beagle, was held without a single evenstrength point in March. His ongoing 15-game drought without an even-strength goal is the longest of his career. Excluding an empty-netter, Troy Brouwer scored his ﬁrst ﬁveon-ﬁve goal since returning from the Olympic break Sunday against the Predators. Nicklas Backstrom has been held without an even-
Alex Ovechkin hasn’t scored an evenstrength goal in 15 straight games.
D E PA R T M E N T O F H E A LT H A N D H U M A N S E R V I C E S a n d N AT I O N A L I N S T I T U T E S O F H E A LT H ( N I H )
The Future of HIV Vaccine Research Starts with You
Healthy volunteers are needed for an HIV vaccine study at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) in Bethesda, Maryland. The study is testing a new vaccine to see if it is safe and effective. It is not possible to get HIV through participating in the study. You may be eligible to participate if you: • Are between 18–49 years old and in good health • Do not have HIV • Are willing to participate in follow-up visits and tests for up to 1 year • Do not live or work closely with: - People who have weakened immune systems caused by chronic illness - Children younger than 18 years old - Elderly people - Pregnant women Study participants will receive three doses of the vaccine as a pill over 6 months; the total time commitment is one year. All volunteers will be compensated.
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7 P.M. Today | CSN
strength goal since Feb. 27, while Marcus Johansson has scored two all season. Outside of the Capitals’ third line featuring Jason Chimera, Eric Fehr and Joel Ward, the rest of the team has not mustered consistent offense at even strength. “We need more from everyone ﬁve-on-ﬁve and our best players have got to be our best players,” Chimera said Saturday. “We can’t just rely on [the] power play.” Washington has become heavily dependent on its top-ranked power play. Forty percent of the Capitals’ offense in the past 16 games has come from the power play, rendering them one-dimensional.
The Capitals are 12-17-8 when failing to score on the power play this season, which formulates a simple game plan for opponents: remain disciplined and force Washington to gain traction at even strength. And with power-play opportunities harder to come by in the postseason, if the Capitals get there, ﬁnding ﬁve-on-ﬁve success becomes even more vital. With seven games left, the Capitals’ grip on a seventh straight playoff appearance is becoming more tenuous by the day, and the disappearance of evenstrength production hasn’t helped. ADAM VINGAN (FOR E XPRESS)
Congressional Approves Return of Woods’ Tourney Golf Tiger Woods’ annual PGA Tour event in Washington has some certainty going forward. Late Sunday night, the members of Congressional Country Club overwhelmingly approved a proposal to bring back what is now known as the Quicken Loans National in 2016, ’18 and ’20 — keeping the tournament at its original site, which Woods strongly preferred. Next year, the tournament will move to Robert Trent Jones Golf Club in Prince William County, the Tiger Woods Foundation announced Monday. “We are excited to keep our tournament in the D.C. area and to be playing at these great golf courses,”
CHRIS TROTMAN (GETTY IMAGES)
In March, Ovechkin was held without an even-strength point
PATRICK SMITH (NHLI VIA GETTY IMAGES)
Caps Too Reliant on Power Play
Tiger Woods will host his tournament at Congressional in 2016, ’18 and ’20.
Woods said in a statement. “Congressional Country Club and Robert Trent Jones Golf Club will continue to challenge our strong ﬁelds while supporting the local community.” BARRY SVRLUGA (THE WASHINGTON POST )
Baseball Quiz Answers (From Page 15) Starting pitcher Bartolo Colon, New York Mets; Catcher Brian McCann, New York Yankees; First baseman Prince Fielder, Texas Rangers; Second baseman Robinson Cano, Seattle Mariners; Shortstop Jhonny Peralta, St. Louis Cardinals; Third baseman David Freese, Los Angeles Angels; Left fielder Mark Trumbo, Arizona Diamondbacks; Center fielder Jacoby Ellsbury, New York Yankees; Right fielder Curtis Granderson, New York Mets
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VOLUNTEERS NEEDED For Research Studies The Clinical Trials Center at the Walter Reed Forest Glen Annex
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Sports Women’s Basketball Maryland coach Brenda Frese knows how to handle playing Louisville on its home court. Look at the Cardinals’ red and pretend it’s all for the Terps. “I’m going to embrace the moment, so is our team,” Frese said Monday. With a trip to the Final Four on the line, the Terps face the thirdseeded Cardinals in the Louisville
Region ﬁnal tonight. The Cardinals (33-4) are looking for their second straight Final Four after losing in the national championship a year ago. Fourthseeded Maryland is trying to earn its fourth Final Four berth alltime and ﬁrst since winning the 2006 title. “We’ve worked just as hard as Louisville has,” Frese said. “This is what you talk about star power, depth, talent, two evenly matched
JOHN BAZEMORE (AP)
Terps Look to Make First Final Four Since 2006
Coach Brenda Frese and the Terps play Louisville in the Elite Eight tonight.
teams. It’s made for TV, two coaches that have worked together, and you’ve got all the drama and all the excitement. We’re going to embrace it. We’re going to love every single moment of it.” Frese will be coaching against her former assistant in Louisville coach Jeff Walz and their teams have split their last two meetings — both in the NCAA tournament. Walz kept Frese from the 2009 Final Four with a win in the Elite
health directory We are recruiting parents & their children ages 12-15 for participation in a research study. You and your child will spend two hours at our center filling out questionnaires and completing two non-violent computer games. Parents and children will each receive a cash payment for participating! The study takes place at the Center for Addictions, Personality, and Emotion Research at the University of Maryland’s College Park campus. If you are interested and want to know more about our study, please call us at
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Eight. The Terps took advantage of being at home in 2012, beating Louisville in the second round. Maryland (27-6) knocked off top-seeded Tennessee 73-62 to advance to its fifth Elite Eight. Louisville has routed three straight opponents, the last a 73-47 win over LSU to kick off the ﬁrst regional the Cardinals have ever hosted.
Suffering From ALLERGIES?
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Guinea Pig | Spring It On Put DJs in charge of an exercise iPhone app and you wind up with Spring (free), a fitness tracker that matches tunes to the pace of whatever you’re doing. So walkers may strut to Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal,” while runners can sprint ahead to Devo’s “Whip It.” Don’t like the current song? Just tap the arrow for a new selection. Folks who download now get 600 free minutes. After that, it’s 99 cents per hour or $2.99 per month.
This Diet Has a Fish Hook
D.C. pals Janis Jibrin and Sidra Forman promote eating the pescetarian way
FLOUNDER BAKED WITH GRAPES AND ALMONDS
TEDDY WOLFF (FOR EXPRESS)
Ingredients 1 pound flounder fillet 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1 ⁄4 teaspoon salt Freshly ground black pepper, to taste 1 cup halved red grapes 1 cup chopped and toasted almonds 2 tablespoons finely chopped parsley 1 tablespoon lemon juice
Janis Jibrin, left, and Sidra Forman, right, will demo recipes from the book at Whole Foods (1440 P St. NW) on April 24 at 6:30 p.m.
Makes Four Servings up with jalapenos and lime juice. “And sometimes you just take a good ingredient, like a nice ﬁsh, and get out of the way,” Forman says. In the book, Jibrin outlines what makes a properly sized portion, and recommends eating a certain number of servings from seven different food groups each day. Stick with it, and you’ll see more beneﬁts than just the sinking numbers on your scale, she adds. A 2013 Harvard study suggests that people 65 or older who eat fatty ﬁsh can extend their lives. Omega-3-rich ﬁshes (salmon, halibut, trout) are thought to cut down on inﬂammation, lower the risk of heart disease and quash depression. Should the mercury in fish worry you? “If you pick the right seafood, you’ll have very little exposure to mercury,” Jibrin says. The book boasts handy charts reveal-
Here’s what was served at a recent lunch at chef Sidra Forman’s Mount Vernon Square townhouse: Grinch-green kale soup, a quinoa salad laced with pomegranate seeds, grilled black bass topped with sorrel (plucked straight from her garden) and sesame coconut cookies. Each dish provided a taste of what’s inside “The Pescetarian Plan: The Vegetarian + Seafood Way to Lose Weight and Love Your Food” ($26, Ballantine Books; thepescetarianplan.com), a new health and diet book from Forman and registered dietitian Janis Jibrin. The friends know their way around a recipe — Forman has multiple D.C. restaurant gigs under her apron, and Jibrin is a Dupont Circle-based nutritionist who frequently collaborates with Oprah ﬁtness guru Bob Greene. And the ones in this book are designed to leverage both science and satisfaction. “The research is convincing that being a pescetarian offers the complete package, a way of eating that’s both slimming and ultra-nutritious,” Jibrin says. “It’s personally the way I eat, and I meet more and more trim and healthy people who are basically pescetarian.” (Forman, a vegan, is on board due to her enthusiasm for plant-based foods.) The plan basically hews to a Mediterranean diet. It’s heavy on fruits, vegetables and whole grains, and spiked with liberal doses of olive oil, red wine and, of course, seafood. Forman meshes healthful ingredients into ﬂavorful combos, such as haddock tacos revved
This baked flounder dish (see recipe) pairs well with whole-wheat couscous.
ing what to reel in (U.S.-farmed Arctic char), go easy on (hook-andline caught rockﬁsh) and toss back (shark and swordﬁsh). Plus, reputable ﬁsh sellers will advise you on what’s local, sustainably farmed and low in mercury. In D.C., Forman likes Whole Foods, Black Salt Fish Market and Union
Market’s new The District Fishwife. As for produce, Forman harvests what she can from her yard and shops at an Amish co-op in Pennsylvania; Jibrin loves the Dupont Circle Freshfarm Market. Both are looking forward to the morel mushrooms that should show up soon. JENNIFER BARGER (E XPRESS)
Preheat oven to 375 F. Place fish on a sheet tray and season with 1½ teaspoons of olive oil, ⅛ teaspoon of salt, and freshly ground black pepper. In a bowl, combine the grapes, almonds, parsley, lemon juice, 1½ teaspoons of olive oil, ⅛ teaspoon of salt and black pepper. Place the fish in the oven and bake for 3 minutes, then flip the fish, return to the oven until the fish is just beginning to flake but the center is still translucent, approximately 3 minutes. Take care not to overcook. Remove from oven and serve immediately, topped with grape mixture. (REPRINTED FROM “THE PESCETARIAN PLAN: THE VEGETARIAN + SEAFOOD WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT AND LOVE YOUR FOOD”)
298 calories; 17 g fat (1.7 g saturated); 54 mg cholesterol; 13 g carbohydrate; 3 g fiber; 7 g sugar; 27 g protein; 239 mg sodium.
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What Are You Waiting for? My boyfriend and I got into an argument two weeks ago. I reached out to him a few days later and he promised to meet with me the following day after work. I haven’t heard back from him since. I’m really upset and trying to understand why he would stop communicating with me. Should I send him an email expressing how I feel or should I give him some more time? WAITING How about instead you go out for karaoke with your friends, volunteer at an animal shelter, take a French class, or just engross yourself in some vintage Devo videos, and — here’s the important thing — move on. I understand you’re not resigned to the idea of a breakup yet. But someone who pulls a weekslong silent treatment isn’t worthy of a continued relationship. And, to
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be brutally honest here, he’s probably not interested in one either. Ask yourself why you feel that you deserve this, how it could possibly be better than being on your own, and what you should think of someone whose main coping strategy is an aggressive and cruel disappearing act. Don’t give him more time — give it to yourself, to rebuild your life and do better.
My husband expects our son to make him a grandfather. He feels our son owes it to him because of the money we put into his education, and he has a lot of anger/depression about it. I don’t agree. Our son has self-esteem issues and I believe this is due to his father putting him down when he was a child. I feel it’s partially his fault that our son cannot have a good relationship now. My husband has no interests outside of his work and family, and will not do therapy. I would just like to get out of the middle and am considering therapy just to learn how to do it. IN THE MIDDLE
I get that you want the perfect words to tell your husband to make him see that no one is obligated to reproduce for anyone else, despite monetary support. But the fact that he can’t see this on his own isn’t the problem — it’s the symptom, just like his lack of friends and interests are. He’s hurting, and depressed, and probably has been for a long time. Trying to reason someone out of depression symptoms won’t work. So absolutely, go to therapy: You deserve help learning how to navigate a marriage with someone who desperately needs treatment but refuses it.
By Dr. Andrea Bonior
Send your questions for “Baggage Check” to Dr. Andrea Bonior at baggage@wpost .com. Andrea is a local clinical psychologist and author of the book “The Friendship Fix” (friendshipfix.com).
Want to make your hikes, bike rides and kayak trips better? Pitch in with the Anacostia Watershed Society’s Earth Day Cleanup on Saturday (anacostiaws.org/earthday2014). Volunteers can register to collect trash that morning from 20 different sites around Maryland and D.C. Participants (and anyone else) are invited to gather at RFK Stadium at noon for an after-party with food, live music and speakers.
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A Heart Act to Follow As Dana Carvey walked through the Washington Convention Center on Friday, he slipped into a soothingly staccato Indian accent. “You should take one baby aspirin a day,” he lectured a woman, another attendee at the American College of Cardiology conference. That’s when Dr. P.K. Shah — the comedian’s L.A.-based physician and the inspiration for this voice — chimed in to critique Carvey’s not-ready-for-primetime advice. Prescriptions vary, cautioned Shah, who noted that although aspirin can reduce the risk of heart attack, it can also cause bleeding stomach ulcers and other side effects. One of those effects is bruising, which Carvey knows well. “I’m a Chiquita banana,” joked the still-boyish-looking 58-yearold. His doctor impression could maybe use some work, but Carvey — who was in town to receive the ACC’s patient advocate award — has plenty of experience on the
AMERICAN COLLEGE OF CARDIOLOGY
Comic Dana Carvey and his cardiologist want to help other patients party on
Comedian Dana Carvey’s current favorite political impression? Vladimir Putin.
other side of the stethoscope. Suffering from chest pain in the late 1990s, Carvey underwent three failed angioplasties and a botched double bypass. (The surgeon operated on the wrong artery.) Then he met Shah, who performed a fourth angioplasty. This one was a success. Carvey has been part of several
famous duos, including “Saturday Night Live” faves Hans and Franz and Wayne and Garth. But his partnership with Shah is more focused on saving lives than getting laughs. They both like to talk about the reason Carvey has his “plumbing problems,” although only Shah can pronounce it: heterozygous famil-
Study Session Here’s a selection of findings from last weekend’s American College of Cardiology conference in D.C.
ial hypercholesterolemia. Carvey inherited a gene that allows cholesterol levels to skyrocket and leads to early onset cardiovascular disease. He’s lucky, Shah said, that he got one gene instead of two — that’s called homozygous familial hypercholesterolemia. “I would not be alive if I was that kind of zygous,” said Carvey, who appreciates that Shah takes the time to help him understand the science. He’d seen another doctor previously who had no interest in answering questions, or as Carvey put it, “He didn’t have a lot of patience with patients.” Shah doesn’t mind when Carvey mimics what he’s saying, because it proves he’s actually listening. Not enough people pay attention to what medicine can do, Shah added. So many heart attacks would be avoidable if more individuals were screened and got preventative care. Part of Carvey’s advocacy is encouraging friends to see doctors. After James Gandolﬁni’s death last summer, he managed to persuade two friends to get checked out. “They’re both heavy, but clean as a whistle,” he said, gratefully. Carvey, however, has another pal who
Postmenopausal women who consume two or more diet drinks a day have a higher risk for cardiovascular problems, according to data from the Women’s Health Initiative Observational Study. People who’ve said “till death do us part” have lower rates of cardiovascular disease. That’s from a study of 3.5 million Americans that showed the correlation holds for both men and women. Springing forward an hour for daylight saving time might do more than throw off your sleep schedule. A study of Michigan hospitals found there’s a spike in patients with heart attacks that Monday. V.H.
worries him. The guy has a cardiologist, but he frequently skips his meds and eats at McDonald’s. Those are risks Carvey would never consider taking, and his commitment has paid off. When his heart troubles began, his cholesterol level was in the high 300s. These days, it’s dropped to 130. “It’s about as good as I can get,” Carvey said. So now he just needs to work on that doctor impression. VICK Y HALLET T (E XPRESS)
April Forecast: Showers Likely
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Toned Up Tuesdays New park, new you? Vida Fitness instructors are teaching free 45-minute classes at the justopened Park at CityCenter (at the corner of 10th and I streets NW) every Tuesday in April at 6 p.m., starting today with a conditioning
session. Up next on the schedule: power yoga. In addition to a sweat, participants will get fitness swag courtesy of CityCenterDC and City Sports, as well as refreshments from Protein Bar, Jrink Juicery and Healthy Bites. Get more info at citycenterdc.com.
KEVIN DIETSCH (FOR EXPRESS)
Winter weather knows it’s finally time to take a hike. So, you’d better be prepared to get some exercise, too. Only an April fool would skip all three of these outdoor fitness programs: Participants in Crystal Run 5K Fridays can feel good about sleeping in on Saturdays.
Crystal Run 5K Fridays The annual happy hour race series returns to 2121 Crystal Drive in Crystal City, Va., every Friday in April at 6:30 p.m. It’s $20 for
one 5K, or $60 for all four (plus a T-shirt). Pacers Running Stores will be operating a Shoe Lab, so you can try out different kicks. And Sport & Health will provide complimentary
A c rowd of 3, 0 0 0 p e ople i s expected to take over the lawn by the Washington Monument (Constitution Avenue and 15th Street NW) on Saturday at 10 a.m. Maybe that’ll encourage the blossoms to come out and join them. The alllevels class will be led by Lululemon ambassador Mimi Rieger, with help from an additional 50-plus local yoga instructors. Participation is free, but you must fill out a waiver (either on-site starting at 9 a.m., or in advance online at eventbrite.com). VICK Y HALLET T (E XPRESS)
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Spacious Floorplans Renovated Laundry Rooms On-Site After Care/Summer Camp MD Food Bank Donations Minutes from Addison Rd Metro Station Housing Vouchers Welcome
6617 Atwood Street
SPRING SAVINGS EVENT Great Location 1525 Elkwood Lane Capitol Heights, MD 20742
1 BR from $869 2 BR from $999
ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED for a small fee
*Income Qualiﬁcations # Occupants
1 Bedrooms from the $1000’s 2 Bedrooms from the $1300’s • Spacious Floorplans • Fully equipped contemporary kitchen • Washer and Dryer in each home • Fitness center, clubhouse and pool
Immediate move-in specials
Sell out the show!
Performance. People. Pride.
GARFIELD COURT 599
price is for 1st Mo. Rent/ 1 BR only
(when you sign a 12 mo. lease).
1 BR at $800 • 2 BR at $875 On residential street next to DeMatha HS Off-st parking • Ceiling Fans (tenant pays electric • carpet extra)
Your audience reads Express.
Contact us at 202.334.6732 or firstname.lastname@example.org
Prices subject to veriﬁcation
INSTANT PRE-APPROVAL www.addisonchapel.com
CALL NOW FOR OUR FANTASTIC SPECIALS!
THE PREMIER 8711 Georgia Ave. Silver Spring, MD 20910
(301) 841-9305 Move-in by 3-15-14 and receive up to 2 months free rent LANDOVER
1829 Belle Haven Drive, Hyattsville, MD 20785
11658 South Laurel Drive Laurel, MD 20708
• Brand New in Downtown Silver Spring • Studio, one bedroom, one-bedroom den and two bedroom apartment homes • Pet friendly and controlled access building • 100% Smoke free and Leed Certified • Keyless entry • Eco-friendly countertops with kitchen islands • Hardwood flooring • Floor to ceiling windows • Balconies or terraces • 24-hour concierge
• After school programs
• Metro Accessible
The Villages At Montpelier
Landover — RENT-TO-OWN. Renov 3 bedrm, 1.5 ba. FREE to Pre-qualify. 202-455-6444. www.WashDCRE.com
• FREE UTILITIES • Swimming Pool • Private balconies and patios • Minutes to The National Harbor & Brand New TANGER Outlets
• Computer Lab
Present this ad and receive a free application fee
SOME RESTRICTIONS MAY APPLY
Call today to schedule an appointment tour!
* w/approved credit **Limited Availability
(866) 405-6986 www.universitycityapts.com
Contact us at 202.334.6732 or email@example.com
: 1 and Dens : 2 Bedrooms : 2 and Dens : 3 Bedrooms
PERFECT FLOOR PLANS! PERFECT LOCATION! LET US FIND YOU THE PERFECT HOME!
• Ceiling Fans • Lovely Setting • Near the New ARTS DISTRICT • Close to Shopping & Metro
1 BEDROOM’S FROM $899 2 BEDROOM’S FROM $1174
Our Sizzling Prices Will Make You Shiver Stop in Today
* Tax Credit Studio applicants only • Restrictions Apply*
Efﬁciencies from $777! 1 BRs from $939! 2 BRs from $1169!
Hyattsville’s BEST KEPT SECRET!
Max. Income Qualiﬁcations: 1 pers. $45,180 • 2 pers. $51,600
M-F 9-6 Sat. 10-5 Sun. 12-4
Spacious Modern Floorplans Pool, Fitness, Tennis and so much more ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED *for a small fee
MD RENTALS Spring Specials! at University City Apartments
CAPITOL PARK PLAZA
• All Utilities Included • Fitness Center/Swimming Pool
SPRING IS IN THE AIR At
Select Studios starting at $1000*
FREE UTILITIES • Walk to Metro
• Walk to Elementary School
908 Marcy Ave. • Oxon Hill, MD 20745
GATED COMMUNITY • Free gas and water • State-of-the-art ﬁtness center • Right across from the NEW WEGMANS • Remodeled w/brand new Kitchens • Licensed daycare on premises
• Minutes to the NEW WEGMANS • Granite Countertops* • Stainless Steel Appliances* *Select units only
CALL NOW FOR OUR FANTASTIC SPECIALS!
• • • • • • •
FREE Internet & Cable* (*1-BR only) State of the Art Fitness Center Stainless Steel Appliances** Granite Countertops** Washer & Dryer** Free Gas (cooking & heat) & Water Outdoor & Indoor Pools (**Select Units) *Subject to change.
CALL NOW FOR OUR FANTASTIC SPECIALS!
6400 Riverdale Road • Riverdale, MD 20737
www.parkviewgardensapartments.com Mon.-Fri. 8-5, Sat. 10-4, Sun. 12-4
1, 2 & 3 BR APTS. HUGE 2 BR TOWNHOMES
• Roomy, modern apts. • Private balconies/patios • Cathedral ceiling
CALL NOW FOR OUR FANTASTIC SPECIALS
3402 Dodge Park Rd. • Landover, MD 20785
CALL NOW FOR OUR FANTASTIC SPECIALS!
5409 Riverdale Road • Riverdale, MD 20737
2252 Brightseat Road • Landover, MD 20785
RIVERDALE VILLAGE 800-767-2189
Free 6-Week Summer Camp
Come Visit Us: Mon. thru Fri. 8 am - 5 pm • Sat. 10 am to 4 pm • Sun. 12 pm - 4 pm
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MD RENTALS MT. RAINIER
A PA R T M E N T S
1st Mo. Rent/1 BR only
MOVE IN SPECIAL
(when you sign a 12mo. lease) Super Convenient Location Close to shops & rec. ctr
1BR $825 • 2BR $925 Utilities & Carpet Included! (A/C Extra)
301-277-6202 NEW CARROLLTON - 1BR, 1BA Condos, new hardwood floor, new paint. Close to 495 & walk to Metro. $950/mo. 410-258-2100
FOREST FORES E T HILLS L
SILVER SPR/Forest Glen Metro
4901 Seminary Rd., ALEXANDRIA, VA
Move In Special
OPEN 6 DAYS A WEEK MON-FRI 8:30-5:30 • SAT 10-4PM
Studios from the $900s* 1BRs from the $1100s*
$599 price is for 1st Mo. Rent/1 BR only. (on a 12 mo. lease) 1-BR $1050 | 2-BR $1150
CoMe in for Great rent sPeCiaLs
Close to the Forest Glen Metro Off-Str. Parking/Controlled Access Ceiling Fans Housing Vouchers Welcome UTILITIES INCLUDED
$599 price is for 1st Mo. Rent/1 BR only (on a 12 mo. lease)
• Five Minutes for 95 South & North GYM, Lounge and Business Center
Come on in and take a tour.
CALL TODAY FOR AN APPOINTMENT!!!
Spring is in the Air... LLOYD Apartments
LINDEN PARK APARTMENTS 3600 Jurgensen Drive Triangle, VA 22172
Awesome Location Spacious Floorplans
1 & 3 Brs • Move in by 4/1/14 We will waive the remainder of March’s Pro Rate
1 Bedrooms $1250 2 Bedrooms $1450
• Largest Apts., in Oxon Hill Bring in this • Newly Renovated Apts. coupon up to receive • Across from United Medical $ $35 Center w/ New Children’s Hospital Wing rent cr credit If Approved vedd • Housing Vouchers Welcome (MD) • ALL CREDIT CONSIDERED
BURKE CENTER/WALMART- Male or Female. No smking. 3 lvl TH. $500 inc utils. 703-539-0043 or 703-250-15188 FAIRFAX— $650. Furn. 1 lrg BR w/ fpl, M Pref. Clifton area, Shr ba/kit, WD/HSI/Cable incl. 703-926-2909 FORT WASHINGTON:2 BR bsmt apt in SFH, pvt entrance, internet & cable ready. $1200. 202-674-0459 Glendale- 1 BR studio, pvt kitch, bath in hse to share.N/S Prof indiv. $850 incl utils. 240-423-7923 LANDOVER-M/F to shr house. Furn BR. $150/wk inc all utils. No sec dep. NO Credit Check! Please Call 301-516-1243 LANHAM- Ruxton Dr. 1 Unfurn room in SFH, AC, quiet, no-smoking. $550 + dep. incl utils. Call 240-645-2380 LAUREL- Furn room w/ Internet & Cbl/TV $610/mo or $170/wk, incl util. Share kitchen & W/D. 301-370-6587 MT. VERNON/BEACON HILL-Shr lrg clean quiet hse, all utils incl, nr store & transp. $675 + sec. 703-721-2010 NE/Ft Totten Metro- N/S. unfurn BR. in 3BR, 2.5BA in SFH. & Bsmnt Rm avail. $935-$985. W/D, Cbl, int, maid svc. utils incl 202-494-3692
ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED!!!
Don’t Wait! Call now 703.683.0950
ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED (a/c extra)
*Call about our move-in specials
1439 Southern Ave.
ntee We guara sages no mes from your boss will pop up.
TOWERS MOVE-IN SPECIAL
$599 price is for 1st Mo. Rent/1 BR only (when you sign a 12 mo. lease).
IN PRINT. Still the best way to kill time during your commute.
1 BR’s are $1050
WINDSOR COURT AND TOWER APTS
• Enormous Floor Plans • Noise Dampening Floors • Close to Shopping • Pet Friendly • Washer & Dryers in all 3 BR units
1 BR Special- $949 2 BR Special- $1400* 3 BR Special- $1750*
Save $100 oﬀ monthly rent for 2 & 3 Br Ask about our rental coupon special!
THE WOODS OF MARLTON
Up to 1.5 Months
Live in the scene
• Floor to ceiling windows and exceptional views • Terraces and balconies for private entertaining • Outdoor bar and cooking station with movie screen • 24-hour concierge with valet services • Rooftop deck with year-round DC views and fire pits
1 BRs from $1100’s • 2 BRs from $1200’s
WOODBRIDGE, VA 1-800-879-4701 ALEXANDRIA, VA 14211 JEFFERSON DAVIS HWY. LUSTINEONLINE.COM 7434 RICHMOND HWY
LOTS & ACREAGE FOR SALE Sportsmans Land Bargain 16.17 ACRES just $64,832 TOP-OF-THE-WORLD VIEWS! NEAR RIVERFRONT PARK
Just in time for spring turkey hunting! This large acreage parcel has stately hardwoods and level land. Only 3 miles to river with all the bass you can catch, plus a short drive to blue-ribbon trout fishing. Perfect for camp or cabin. New perc, survey, ALL mineral rights & warranty deed for peace of mind. Easy financing for easy ownership. CALL NOW 1-800-888-1262.
REAL ESTATE SERVICES Why Rent when you can own a home for $1,300/month. Housing Grants for DC & MD Also 100% financing in DC with no money down! Call: FPegues Keller Williams Realty Ofc: 240-737-5000 Cell: 301-802-4568
CARS CHEVY EXPRESS 2010 1500 Explorer Limited. Luxury conversion high top. 20,600 mi. With a wheel chair lift. Silver. $38,600. 609-386-1287 JUNK VEHICLES REMOVED FREE CASH PAY FOR ALL 202-714-9835
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The View at Liberty Center
4000 Wilson Boulevard Arlington, VA 22203
Capitol Heights $158,000 HELP! MUST SELL!! Investor Special, 5 bedrm, 2 ba, $158,000 CASH OBO, Comps near $200K+, 888-866-5238, Clovis Ave
Up to 1½ Months Free Ask Marketing Specialist for details
*On select units
BRAND NEW APARTMENTS A SHORT STROLL TO THE BALLSTON METRO
• Spacious apt homes conveniently located near AAFB & FedEx Field • Large closets • Pool & Exercise Room • Indoor racquetball court • Washer/Dryers in each unit • Fireplace*
NW- Large Clean room in quiet home. $795 All utilities included Call 301-529-5430.
Temple Hills—$1000, 2 bedrm, 1 ba, 2 Fls, near mall, 240-463-4771, avail 5/1 XX740 1x.50
Central Air • Elevator Off St. Parking • Mid-Rise Apts All Utilities Included
HOUSES FOR SALE
• 2 Playgrounds
TAK PK—New Hamp. Ave.
Limited Time Only • Central A/C & Heating
*All Prices & Specials Subject to change without notice.
RIVERDALE, MD- N/S. Share home, 1 room for 1 person. Avail now. $495 includes utilities, W/D. $495 security deposit. 301-613-0446
Apartments • Renovated Apartments Available
Mon, tue, wed, thu 9-7 • fri, sat 9-5 • sun 11-5
SILVER SPRING - Furn Rms in Bsmt w/ W/D, Prvt Entr, kit, near Holy Cross Hosp. 240-988-9316 TAKOMA PARK - N/S. $535 Share BA & Kitchen. Pvt entrance. Near Bus Call 301-448-2363
Starting at $800
• All utilities paid • No Security Deposit or move-in fees • Metrobus at front door to Pentagon & Van Dorn Metro • Free parking • Convenient to Pentagon, Shopping & I-395
Forest Glen Apts. 301.593.0485
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So No Singalongs? Elton John and his partner David Furnish want a quiet wedding 33
Revenge of the Nerds
Josh Elliott will make the switch from “Good Morning America” to NBC Sports. TELEVISION
‘GMA’ Anchor Josh Elliott Leaves for NBC Sports “Good Morning America” anchor Josh Elliott told ABC on Sunday that he’s leaving the show for a job at NBC Sports. ABC News President Ben Sherwood moved quickly to replace him, appointing Amy Robach as the “Good Morning America” news anchor. At NBC, Elliott will work on Sunday night football, the Olympics and other events, a spokesman said. A formal announcement is expected later this week. (AP) WEB TO TV
Nicole Richie Taking Her Deep Thoughts to VH1 Former reality TV star Nicole Richie will bring her AOL Web series to VH1. #CandidlyNicole is made up of her musings about everything from parenting to pop culture to random observations. The VH1 version will feature all new content in eight halfhour episodes premiering July 17. (AP)
New Michael Jackson Album to Be Released Epic Records has announced it will release an album of previously unreleased songs by the late Michael Jackson. The album was “contemporized” by top producers, including frequent Justin Timberlake collaborator Timbaland. “Xscape” is due out worldwide on May 13. (E XPRESS)
Television Before he created “Beavis and ButtHead” and “King of the Hill,” Mike Judge was a physics major working as an engineer in Silicon Valley. “It’s a lot of antisocial introverted people thrown together,” he says. “A lot of these guys would not ﬁt in another workplace.” But together, they make a humorous gang of nerds in hoodies, who spend their days writing code in hopes of becoming the newest startup millionaires. That’s the premise behind “Silicon Valley,” his new HBO comedy that premieres at 10 p.m. on Sunday. “Silicon Valley” stars a group of mostly young comic actors led by Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr and Josh Brener, playing programmers who share a suburban house — an incubator — as they work on their various ideas in a town eager to gobble them up. Judge says there’s a reason there hasn’t been a series about the digital boom. “When I did ‘Office Space,’ ” he says, referring to the 1999 cult comedy ﬁlm, “there was some concern back then about: How are you going to make a movie about people who sit in desks? But I think because there’s not obvious action stuff there, it’s kind of a challenge
ISABELLA VOSMIKOVA (HBO)
LOU ROCCO (ABC)
Mike Judge’s new HBO comedy series puts the spotlight on desk-bound tech guys
From left, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Thomas Middleditch, Zach Woods and T.J. Miller form a team of nerds in “Silicon Valley.”
Women and Screens For a show about the tech industry, one often accused of misogyny, it’s not surprising that the only female characters in the opening episodes of “Silicon Valley” are a stripper and an executive assistant. The show’s writer Alex Berg says the nature of the industry “doesn’t authorize us to cast no women.” “We make jokes about it,” creator Mike Judge says. “But we do have female characters coming up in the show.” (T WP)
that ends up yielding really interesting character stuff. I think that ended up happening with this, too.” The show’s ﬁrst conﬂict involves a corporate battle over a compression app created by Middleditch’s character Richard. “He totally doesn’t have the best social skills and he frets in his social position,” says Middleditch, who resembles a slacker version of Seth Meyers. For now, the cast resembles the kind of nerd gangs that populate the burgeoning industry, and Judge is happy with the actors portraying them, who mostly came up from improv comedy groups.
“They all seemed like they could play believable engineer types,” says Judge, who rewrote the series to ﬁt them all in. “One thing that’s a little tricky when you’re casting nerds,” he says, “you get all these guys who have been in a million of these commercials where it’s FedEx or something, when there’s a guy sitting at a desk. There’s this real ﬁne line between somebody who is kind of cartoony nerdy and somebody who you believe can play intelligent and be funny at the same time. And I think we have a pretty amazing cast that’s able to do that.” ROGER CATLIN (THE WASHINGTON POST )
More Mischief to Manage: “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling will write scripts for a trilogy of mov-
ies based on her short volume “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.” According to the New York Times, the films will take place in New York in the 1930s and will follow the Hogwarts textbook’s fictional author, Newt Scamander. Warner Bros. has not announced a release date or title for the three films. (E XPRESS)
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Roz Chast, the great New Yorker cartoonist with the wry style, says she was in denial about the realities of elder care until about a decade ago, when her parents’ health began to fail precipitously. “It’s weird, but I knew nothing about all this,” Chast says. “It was an uncomfortable topic for us, and I didn’t have any siblings [to discuss it with]. I didn’t know if they had a will. I didn’t know about their ﬁnances. It was just a lot of stuff that I suddenly had to learn about.” As her parents began to endure hospital stays and growing anxiety and dementia, Chast — who had made a career of cartooning with a
certain neurotic whimsy — began realizing what she was in for. “If you haven’t gone through it, you don’t think about it,” Chast says. It is this “not thinking about it” part that inspired the title of the cartoonist’s memoir, “Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant?” ($20 Bloomsbury USA), out next month. Chast’s reasons for writing it were personal. “I really felt the need to tell this story,” she says. “It sounds really selﬁsh, but this is something I felt so strongly about — that I wanted to write.” Now, as an expert storyteller, Chast, 59, is also able to draw out powerful and poignant scenes from her parents’ ﬁnal years. Her parents
Roz Chast has been illustrating cartoons for the New Yorker since 1978.
died two years apart: her father George in 2007 and her mother Elizabeth in 2009. Now, for any closure, the cartoonist would have
to write a memoir. Chast — who began drawing for the New Yorker in 1978 — had published several illustrated books, but this personal work tapped into even greater depths of her talent. Through the hurt, the memoir ﬁnds true humor in the specific, like her family home’s “crazy closet,” and the many bankbooks her parents kept for more than a half-century. These passages ripple and resonate with the stuff of deeply lived-in truth. “I love my parents,” Chast says. “I did love them. It’s complicated.” MICHAEL CAVNA ( THE WASHINGTON POST )
‘The Mindy Project’ (FOX) The comedy from former “The Office” writer Mindy Kaling returns with a special one-hour episode. After two seasons of sexual tension, Danny (Chris Messina, below left) and Mindy (Kaling, below right) must come to terms with their feelings and deal with the fallout of their kiss. Meanwhile, Jeremy and Peter scheme to steal clients from a recently closed practice. (EXPRESS)
ISABELLA VOSMIKOVA (FOX)
From Roz Chast, a Portrait of Aging
FREE Erectile Dysfunction Treatment for D.C. Men! SILVER SPRING • “One-size-fits-all treatment may soon be a thing of the past.” That statement from the renowned Johns Hopkins Hospital refers to modern medicine’s new ability to personalize treatments to the biochemistry of the patient. Personalized treatment is also the basis of a successful erectile dysfunction clinic in Silver Spring boasting a 98% success rate … and an amazing guarantee! That’s right: The Maryland Men’s Medical Clinic promises you’ll have a positive response to a FREE test dose of treatment – right in the doctor’s office -- or else your visit to the clinic is free. That way, you risk nothing.
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“Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra are ‘off-the-shelf’ potency drugs,” says Dr. Kevin Hornsby, M.D. whose clinics have been featured on ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, and Fox. “As longer-lasting MAKES LOVE... such, they are a mass-produced erections LAST LONGER product and not tailored to the The Clinic’s experts can also individual patient’s needs.” adjust the potency of your customThe doctors at Maryland Men’s Medical Clinic review the patient’s medical blended formulation. That way, you can choose history and conduct a thorough examination how long you want your erection to last - from 30 minutes to as long as 90 minutes or more including a sonogram. Board Certiﬁed Urologist endorsed
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“Only Van Morrison on a coke bender could possibly sing a more passionate rendition of ‘House Of The Rising Sun.’ ” — BEN YAKAS AT GOTHAMIST .COM describes Bill Murray’s
karaoke skills, which the actor showed off this weekend while in St. Augustine, Fla., for a golf tournament. Murray reportedly sang for 45 minutes at the Murray Bros. Caddyshack restaurant, which he owns with his ﬁve brothers. TMZ caught some highlights on ﬁlm.
“Not to be rude, but you aren’t the smart, funny social network we fell in love with several years back. You’ve changed. A lot.”
“The most amusing part, in hindsight, is his longterm goal to win gold in Athens in 2004. Phelps did a little better than that.”
— A BLOGGER AT BLOG.EAT24HOURS .COM, food delivery app Eat24’s blog,
featuring a then-15-year-old Michael Phelps talking to a local news station about his Olympic goals. The station caught up with Phelps after the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney. “I have a lot of goals,” Phelps said in the video. “I just want to get faster.” Spoiler alert: He did.
writes a break-up letter to Facebook, while contemplating deleting Eat24’s Facebook page. Eat24 is upset that Facebook hides certain posts unless they’re “promoted” (i.e. paid ads). “It makes us think all you care about is money,” Eat24 writes. Eat24 still had a Facebook page at Express’ deadline.
— SAMER KALAF AT DEADSPIN .COM unearths a video
“Form a vanguard party and seize the means of production, distribution and exchange in the name of the proletariat. You will definitely meet lots of new people.” — REDDITOR MICHAELNOIR AT REDDIT.COM replies to a guy
who accidentally asked about tips for meeting new people on a socialist thread instead of a social skills thread.
“It’s like you’re betting on an episode of Game Of Thrones.” — BRANDON STROUD AT UPROXX .COM advises against betting on
the outcome of this Sunday’s WrestleMania 30 — a predetermined, choreographed WWE event — and calls out an especially silly ad created by the betting hub 5Dimes. It reads: “If you don’t bet on WrestleMania XXX, the terrorists win!” If that’s the case, Stroud jokes, “we just kinda have to let them win at this point, don’t we?”
WARNING: Alcohol Ruins Lives DO YOU HAVE ALCOHOL AND ANXIETY PROBLEMS? You may be eligible for a research study testing whether an investigational drug compared to a placebo can help reduce your cravings for alcohol. You may be eligible for the study if you: • Are 21–65 years of age • Use alcohol on a regular basis • Often feel anxious • Have tried to stop drinking alcohol but can’t Participants will: • Stay at the Clinical Center in Bethesda, Maryland, for about five weeks • Undergo detoxification (if needed) and receive alcohol treatment • Complete questionnaires, have blood drawn, and have an MRI brain scan There is no cost to participate. Participants will be compensated and may receive travel assistance.
WE NEED YOU
Call now for a confidential screening: C
TTY: 1-866-411-1010 www.clinicaltrials.gov
College of Engineering Open House Wednesday, April 2 ■ 5–7 pm Northern Virginia Center (NVC) 7054 Haycock Road, Room 100
Falls Church, VA
Conveniently located adjacent to West Falls Church METRO Station (Orange Line) and just off Interstate 66 (exit 66).
Graduate degrees and certificates in Computer Science, Electrical and Computer Engineering, Civil and Environmental Engineering, and Industrial Systems Engineering. For more information, visit www.eng.ncr.vt.edu or call (703) 538-8431.
Virginia Tech — Closer than you think.
Invent the Future
T U E S D AY | 0 4 . 0 1 . 2 0 1 4 | E X P R E S S | 31
puzzles lookout Scrabble Grams
PAR SCORE 150-160, BEST SCORE 223
ARIES (March 21-April 19) With answers like “yes” and “no” coming at you, you’re likely to get only the most basic information throughout this busy day. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) What happens first is sure to set the tone, but don’t get locked into one way of doing things. Some variety is to be expected later on. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Once you get started, you’re not likely to stop until you’ve reached that goal you set for yourself — one way or the other. CANCER (June 21-July 22) You’ll have a chance to share something you particularly like with someone you think will enjoy it as well. Have some fun. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) What you’re experimenting with today may bring you in contact with something dangerous, but you can keep just enough distance to protect yourself.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) A promise given is worth more than the mere words it took to make it. You have reason to think that something valuable is happening.
FOUR RACK TOTAL Make a 2-7-letter word from the letters in each row. Add points of each word using scoring directions at right. Seven-letter words get a 50-point bonus. Blank tiles used as any letter have no point value. Scrabble is a trademark of Hasbro in the U.S. and Canada.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Now is the time to acknowledge another’s contribution to a recent group effort. Not everyone knows he or she was even involved. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) It’s up to you to open another’s eyes to a very real possibility that has not yet made itself known to everyone.
Need more Sudoku? Find another puzzle in the Comics section of The Post every Sunday and in the Style section Monday through Saturday.
POOCH CAFE | PAUL GILLIGAN
Today: Nice today with times of clouds and sun. Partly cloudy tonight.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You’re eager to continue working on a pet project, but you’re also eager to get some help as things get a little tricky. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) You may be invited into a circle that includes more than one person you deeply admire, and who admire you in return. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) A collection of recollections is likely to steer you in a surprising direction. And you thought that was all over! PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) You’re used to saying “I,” but today you’ll want to start saying “we” — and a new partner is sure to appreciate your change of heart.
71 52 Tomorrow: Times of clouds and sun tomorrow. Mostly cloudy tomorrow night.
PEARLS BEFORE SWINE | STEPHAN PASTIS
62 47 60 48 70 47 Sun and Moon Sunrise today: 6:53 a.m. Sunset today: 7:32 p.m. Moonrise today: 7:57 a.m. Moonset today: 9:52 p.m.
Almanac Normal high: 61 Record high: 85 Normal low: 42 Record low: 21
FORECAST BY ACCUWEATHER.COM ©2014
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INFORMATION SESSION: Thursday, April 3, 5:30–7p.m. To R.s.v.p., email firstname.lastname@example.org or call 202-319-5256. Location: Pangborn Hall, Room 323A
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1 Hairstyle 5 Southwest party snack 10 Where peat is found 14 Issued a command 15 Attentive to possible danger 16 Geometrical calculation 17 Hampering the progress of 20 Half of the forearm bones 21 Beached 22 Proofer’s retraction 25 Solitary sort 26 Humble requests 30 Throws easily 33 Aerie inhabitant 34 Kachina doll carver 35 Grandpa Simpson 38 Longest parts of the alimentary canal 42 Just a ___ (slightly) 43 Get one’s dander up 44 Like Pisa’s famed tower 45 Prepared for a shock 47 Electrical units 48 Composer Erik 51 Bottom of a shoe 53 Japanese art of paper folding 56 Hold forth 60 Good trivia entry 64 Scandinavian capital 65 Not even a mouse 66 Harbinger of tooth trouble 67 Flow slowly 68 Hypnotized or anesthetized 69 Quarter-acre of land
DOWN 1 Truckers’ radios 2 Home to Honolulu 3 Object of worship 4 Flowerless, seedless plant 5 “Be silent,” in music 6 Boxing legend
EDITED BY TIMOTHY E. PARKER
7 ___ capita 8 With the bow, to violinists 9 Phaser setting 10 From the sublime to the ridiculous 11 Hunter killed by a scorpion 12 Science fiction, for one 13 More wise 18 Grad’s memento 19 Robinson Crusoe’s home 23 Pertaining to a certain culture 24 Plays the piccolo, say 26 Aphid, to a gardener 27 Mantra chanter 28 Old-fashioned exclamation
29 ___ in a day’s work 31 Big name in little suits 32 Bro’s kin 35 Blue shade 36 Mixed martial arts prize 37 Superlative endings 39 Nest egg abbr. 40 Where pints are poured 41 Midori of figure skating 45 Ringmaster’s place 46 Genuine 48 One-man flights 49 Leave the bed 50 Champion’s claim 52 Dim, as lights 54 Diner options 55 Sacred image (Var.) 57 Winston Churchill’s “___ Country”
58 Fast food choice 59 Reflection of a kind 61 Affirmative action 62 A third of 111? 63 Actor Danson
TODAY IN HISTORY
Adolf Hitler is sentenced to five years in prison for his role in the Beer Hall Putsch in Munich.
The United States recognizes the government of Gen. Francisco Franco in Spain, the same day Franco goes on radio to declare victory in the Spanish Civil War.
Apple Computer is founded by Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak and Ronald Wayne.
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Publisher: Arnie Applebaum Executive editor: Dan Caccavaro General manager: Ron Ulrich Circulation manager: Charles Love Managing editor, features: Holly J. Morris Managing editor, news: Lori Kelley Creative director: Jon Benedict Features editor: Jennifer Barger Senior news editor: Diana D’Abruzzo Story editor: Adam Sapiro Deputy creative director: Adam Grifﬁths Senior editors: Sadie Dingfelder, Vicky Hallett, Beth Marlowe, Kristen Page-Kirby Section editors: Michael Cunniff, Rudi Greenberg, Lori McCue, Marissa Payne, Rachel Sadon, Holley Simmons, Jeffrey Tomik Art director: Allie Ghaman Copy editors: Samantha Dean, Sean Gossard Designer: Rachel Orr Production supervisor: Matthew Liddi
Founding publisher: Christopher Ma, 1950-2011
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people lookout SNORE
Real Art Collectors Roll Eyes: Everyone Likes Cindy Sherman Katy Perry intends to become an art collector, she told E! News. “What I’m really drawn to is modern contemporary art and pop art, of course,” Perry said. “Also some key photography. I’ve always loved Cindy Sherman and today I got interested in Lee Friedlander,” she said. “I’m really interested in having an art history education.” (EXPRESS)
Men Embrace Wearing Overpriced, Colorless Bits Of Carbon as Sign of Love Victims
‘Daddy Would Have Wanted Me to Make Money Off Him’
ETHAN MILLER (GETTY IMAGES)
The youngest daughter of Orson Welles is giving film buffs a chance to buy some of his possessions, including a camera and scripts from “Citizen Kane.” Beatrice Welles discovered the relics last year in boxes and trunks. She said her father would have preferred making the memorabilia available to film buffs and fans as opposed to sending them to a museum. (AP)
David shows off sequins appropriate for weddings and business meetings.
For Her, That’s a Vow of Poverty
HERITAGE AUCTIONS (VIA AP)
Orson Welles, sometime between the Hot Years and the Crazy Old Dude years.
Johnny Depp showed off an engagement ring on Monday, confirming rumors of his engagement to Amber Heard. Asked whether he was engaged, he replied: “The fact that I’m wearing a chick’s ring on my finger is probably a dead giveaway.” He lifted his left hand and displayed a single diamond on a band on his ring finger. (AP)
Anne Hathaway is trying to act like a less-wealthy person, Radar Online reported. “She’s learned the hard way how popular humility can be for an A-lister,” an unnamed source said. “Anne has been giving away a lot of her possessions … mostly to her housekeepers, because she wants to live a less materialistic, decadent lifestyle.” (E XPRESS)
Low Profile Means Tasteful Sequins Only Elton John and his partner David Furnish are planning a low-profile wedding in May, following a change in British law allowing gay marriages. The singer told the “Today” show that he wants to celebrate “very quietly,” and added: “It will be a joyous occasion and we will have our children.” The pair have been in a civil partnership since 2005. “We shouldn’t just say ‘Oh, well, we have a civil partnership, we’re not going to bother to get married,’ ” he said. (AP)
“I either died or was subjected to situations that were each more horrific than the last.” — K EIR A K NIGHTLE Y TOLD DUJOUR MAGAZINE THAT, AFTER “ANNA KARENINA,” SHE REALIZED THAT SHE’D BEEN ACCEPTING REALLY GRIM ROLES.
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