EGL Magazine Volume I Issue 5

Page 8


Redesigning, Refining, and Re-establishing your "type of man" By Precious Avorkliyah

DATING AND MATING Most women have had their fair share of relationship fails, fumbles, and falls. It seems like every time we recover from the last we find ourselves right back in another dead end relationship. We force situations that have neither foundation nor potential and we need to start sharing the blame for these world wind disasters. We say we like a certain “type” of man, yet due to desperation or deprivation we take whoever comes along and however he comes along. We fixate on one feature or quality that the man possesses and choose to ignore all the other shortcomings that disqualify him from truly being our “type”. Women often make statements such as, “I just need someone who knows how to control me” or “I need a man that knows how to appreciate a woman”. Thinking like this tends to cloud our lens when assessing potential love interests. So we end up with the “bad boy” who can control us but lacks control in every other area of life. He’s financially unstable, has a bad temper, illegitimate children, a criminal history and has a number of past relationships lingering. Or, we select the “player” who appreciates women but struggles to contain his romantic flare to just one woman. Every now and again we might run into the “push over” that meets all our needs, but cannot head our house hold or father our children because he lacks confidence and leadership skills. We cycle through these types over and over again, different scenes, same script. We must stop being so

immature and superficial about how we select our men. Have standards, but make sure they are well defined and you understand how a man who meets those standards will demonstrate them. Consider the “too legit man”. This man is not perfect and he may have some of the qualities of the former types; however this man has direction, goals and ambition that are well inclined with our own. Sadly, we usually resist this type of man because he seems too rare and just too legit. We badger him every chance we get; almost to force him to surface as one of the former types. We verbally abuse him or ridicule him as to test his true intentions and allegiance. Then we lose him and label him as one of those dead-beat men, and end up reverting back to the patterns that we are more familiar with: The “player”, “bad boy”, and “push over”. LISTEN! If you want a man that is going to lead your household, father your children, promote your emotional and spiritual growth, and supplement your financial contributions, then you must be the woman who is prepared to accept and embrace him. Recondition yourself. You are a reflection of the type of man you attract; therefore you can become the difference that you want to see in your man.