LISSA LYNN THOMAS
1. Raif
2. Grace
3. Grace
4. Raif
5. Grace
6. Grace
7. Raif
8. Grace
9. Raif
10. Grace
11. Raif
12. Grace
13. Raif
14. Grace
15. Raif
16. Grace Epilogue- Raif
Dearest Reader, Acknowledgments About the Author Also by Lissa Lynn Thomas
CHAPTER 1
Raif
MY BABY SISTER is getting married. Not today, thank God, but sooner than later. The thought rankles me, even though she's marrying one of my best friends and bandmates. I know there isn't another man out there that will take better care of her, or make her happier.
I still don't like it.
I try to be happy for her as I watch her dance with her fiancé at her engagement party. Part of my mood is being back in White Oak, Kentucky. I grew up in this tiny little town. Got my heart broken pretty good and moved away to Nashville. I like to tell people it was for my career, being nearer the record label and all that. Anyone who knows me well knows better. They all know how I couldn't handle being around to watch Chloe with Luke. How I avoided going home as long as I could.
They're here tonight, of course, dancing. Looking happy, if a little tired. They have a baby at home now, little Jackson Luke Benson. They call him Jacks, he's adorable. I missed his birth; my best friends had a baby and I wasn't the third person to hold him. There's another thought that rankles. I only have myself to blame. They called me in plenty of time, first births can take ages. I lied and said I had things I couldn't get out of.
Jealousy is an ugly, ugly emotion and I don't like how much it's been eating at me for the last two years. I just can't seem to help it. I'm all alone.
And I'm the only one.
Jealousy and regret are my two closest companions these days.
Even Troy is married. Yes, that's right theTroy Walters has been married for a year and he has a baby girl. Her name is Sofie, she's her mother in miniature. It's crazy. And now Branis getting married. To my sister whom I adore. And who I'm happy for.
I swear I am.
Yet here I am unable to even stomach the thought of touching another woman. This is ridiculous of me because I don't think I even love Chloe that way anymore. I think it's just the idea of her and me that I can't let go of.
It seemed like a natural progression. To me.
Fate had other plans. And I can't look at them and say that she was wrong in her wisdom. It still hurts though. To be the odd man out always.
Maybe I brought this on myself by hoping for things I know should never be mine. Maybe this is my penance for sleeping with Pippa when I was with Chloe. Who knows. I'll get myself figured out someday.
I'm not in any rush to settle down.
Even if that means I spend way too much time on my own these days.
Troy and Mia stop dancing and stand beside me, Mia panting for breath. "I need a break, my goodness I'm still out of shape."
Troy pats her on the behind and kisses the top of her head, "You are not, you're gorgeous, you're just exhausted is all."
I grin at them but I think they can tell I'm not really here anymore. Troy is far more astute than any of us ever give him credit for. I straighten up and try to look enthusiastic. "Where's the little princess right now?" I ask, sure that bringing her up will keep their attention off of me.
They both look at me like I'm drunk or dumb. "Thought we told you before, Raif, that Billie Carmichael from the book shop and Luke's sister, Loralei, are tag teaming her and Jacks tonight," Troy says and I kick myself internally.
CHAPTER 2
"We know your writing is important, but when was the last time you went on a date?" Sam asks me, cutting to the heart of the matter.
Ah, I should've expected this.
They are far more interested in my love life or lack of one than I am. Fictional men are so much more alluring in my opinion. Since I started writing I've had little interest in finding a guy to spend time with. Real people are such a letdown sometimes.
I can't say any of that so I go with, "I haven't wanted to date anyone lately." Because that's the truth as well. And that's really the crux of the issue. As a romance author, I'm severely lacking the romantic spirit in my own life.
"But maybe we should try to figure out why you're not wanting to date, though..." Sam says at the same time as Libby asks, "Don't you miss sex?"
Ah yes, sex. Self-serve does get repetitive after a while, I guess.
"No one has caught my eye, guys. I swear as soon as someone piques my interest, I'll go for it. Until then, I'll be here writing until my fingers fall off."
"You have to leave your house to find someone to date, you know?" Libby says.
"Why are you being difficult?" I ask. "I gave in and said I'd do you two the favor of dating a dude who pushes my buttons and that's not enough."
I'm joking, sort of. I've become less of a social person as the years have passed. I don't have the energy to fake anything. I want something real. Someone who knows how to treat me, how to behave like an adult.
Someone I can lean on.
"How about the three of us go out this Friday?" Libby offers. "It'll be fun. We'll hit a bar with a jukebox so we can drink and dance and we'll see if anyone catches your eye."
"I suppose I can give up my writing for another night with you two." I duck as Libby throws a pillow at me. "Just don't be upset if no one gets my attention. My standards are way high these days."
Grace
FRIDAY COMES QUICKLY. When the girls pick me up I'm as ready for people as possible in a pair of dark jeggings and a purple camisole and a pair of cute boots I bought forever ago and never wear. I leave my dark hair down and keep the makeup to a minimum. But the girls can't say I'm not trying.
Sam whistles. "You're so hot! See, I knew you were still in there."
Libby laughs. "Ignore her, Grace, you always look nice." I choose to believe her.
"Okay ladies, let's do this. I'm ready to possibly be hit on. I can use it all for fodder for my books."
Sam gives me a dirty look but Libby just laughs. They bring me to a local bar in Franklin rather than going all the way to Nashville and I'm happy for it. I'm not up to the crowds in the Nashville scene. I'd rather keep it simple and small. Even if some might not find the local dive fancy enough.
It works for me; they have cold beer and loud music. That's all I need.
That and some good-looking men would be good.
Inside Rosie's Bar, there aren't many people, but country music is playing loud. I look around anyway, not really expecting to find anyone interesting. I'm stopped in my tracks by a guy at a stool at the bar. He's tall, broad shouldered and has an exemplary rear end. Not to mention shaggy blonde hair I'd like to run my fingers
He reaches out and grabs my hand gently. Electricity shoots through me and I shiver, meeting his pretty eyes as he says, "Wait, I was just gonna say you could have a seat and talk to me if you want to."
I watch his eyes to see if he really wants to talk to me or he's just being polite. I can't tell. After all, I don't know him. I know he's good looking in a way that makes me ache in a good way. And his voice is so deep it's sinful. And he still has a hold of my hand, his thumb rubbing idly along my knuckles.
I don't pull away.
"I'm Grace. What's your name?" I settle on the bar stool next to his and he turns his body so he's facing me, still holding my hand.
"Nice to meet you, Grace. I'm Raif," he says, his eyes lighting up. He sounds surprised about something. This guy has to get hit on all the time so it can't be that.
"Raif. Nice to meet you too." I look down at our hands and he grins. "Sorry, darlin' I wasn't thinking." He doesn't let me go right away. No, he melts my brain by bringing my hand to his mouth and kissing my knuckles. His beard tickles my skin and I shiver again.
We definitely have chemistry.
"You live around here?" I ask when he finally lets my hand go. He nods, biting his lip, looking thoughtful.
"I can't believe I've never seen you in here before," he says, his eyes still on mine.
"You come here a lot?" I ask.
"At least once a week, I'm in here," he says. "It's generally pretty quiet. No one bothers me."
I tilt my head at him and grin. "A good place to hide from your adoring fans?" I joke and he shrugs.
"Actually, yeah." He doesn't elaborate and I pause, waiting for more information.
"Wait, is that why you look so familiar? You're a movie star or somethin' aren't you?"
He chuckles. "I'm lead singer in a band that's fairly popular."
"Oh, how cool!" I say, excited for him. "So you're living every creative's dream?"
He nods, "I am yeah," but his voice doesn't sound exactly happy. "Have you ever heard of Renegades?"
Renegades. A country music band I've heard on the radio. I don't follow Country music really so that would explain why I didn't recognize him. "You're the guys that sing She'sEverything!" I smile wide at him. "That's a great song. And, no offense, but I don't like Country music as a rule."
He blushes, how adorable is that? "Thank you, I'm glad you like it."
"So, tell me do you guys write your own songs? Or do you have someone that does that for you?" I'm full of curiosity for this man and the life he leads.
He takes a sip of his liquor and sets his glass down before he says, "We write our own stuff, with the help of one of our other best friends. It's a group effort."
"How cool." I smile at him. He motions for Rosie to come over, "Rosie, bring Grace a beer please, put it on my tab."
"Oh you don't have to do that, thank you." I take a sip when Rosie sets a glass in front of me.
"I insist." he says. "What about you? Tell me about yourself."
It's my turn to shrug. "Um. I'm thirty-years-old, single, I work from home doing data entry, but I also write books in my free time."
His eyes go wide. "Would I have heard of you?" I snort and shake my head.
"Nope, not yet. But maybe someday. Right now, it's my passion project. It keeps me sane."
He nods, his eyes understanding. "I know exactly what you mean."
A slow song I don't know comes on the jukebox and he surprises me by reaching for my hand again. "Dance with me?"
"I'd love to."
CHAPTER 4
"Oh, honey, it's no problem. Wait until you meet my friends."
Fifteen minutes later, we're pulling up in front of the little house I bought when I officially left White Oak. Troy and Bran stop by sometime when they're in Nashville, but for the most part, this is my refuge from the rest of the world.
"This is nice," Grace says as she meets me at the front of my truck. "Your little piece of heaven?" She asks.
I tangle my fingers with hers and escort her up the steps and unlock the door. "It really kind of is, I don't have people over a lot. Most of my friends live back in White Oak. And Troy and Mia used to come over pretty regularly, but since Sofie was born, they've been busy."
I can't believe I'm unloading all this on her. I just met her. Shouldn't I be more wary?
I can't bring myself to not trust this woman for some reason. I can't remember the last time I was so comfortable with someone so soon. Not even Chloe. And she has been the gold standard in my life for so long, I don't know what to think. Not about any of this. But I'm following my gut.
No, I am not drunk if you were wondering. I only had one Jack Daniels and then I drank soda.
It's just Grace. I'm totally at ease with her.
"It must be hard when your friends are all at different stages in life than you are," she muses. She meets my eyes. "You must be feeling kind of left behind."
She has no idea how true that feels. And she doesn't even know the whole story. I don't want to scare her away.
"You could say that," I answer, trying not to let the depth of the truth of that statement show. She turns to me and wraps her arms around me, frowning up at me. "I'm sorry."
Again, she doesn't even know the half of it but she sees the real me underneath all my posturing and bullshit. I don't deserve her
pity.
Shedoesn'tknowwhatyoudid.
There's no way this woman doesn't know she's way too good for the likes of me.
I shake my head, trying to get rid of that nasty voice that lives in my head. "I'm okay now, darlin'," I tell her, and I mean it. I'm not missing Chloe or regretting how things fell out with us for the first time in two years. I'm totally in the moment with this incredible woman in front of me.
"You will be," she says softly before going up on her toes to kiss me.
CHAPTER 5
I swallow hard and meet his eyes. "Come here, please."
He grabs a foil packet from his nightstand and tosses it on the bed beside me. Then he's prowling toward me. I back up on the bed so my head is by the pillows and he comes over me, spreading my legs with his knees and settling between them. I reach for his length and he curses low, his mouth coming down hard on mine. I swallow his groan while I revel in the velvet-over-steel feel of him in my hand.
He runs his hands over my thighs, rubbing over my mound and seeking out my clit, rubbing it lightly. I bite at his lips, arching into his touch as I stroke him. I reach for the condom and hand it to him, "Get that on, I need you."
He grins, his eyes blue-green fire as they take me in all while he slips three fingers inside me. I gasp, grab onto his shoulders, and hold his eyes the whole time, whimpering when he scissors his fingers inside me, stretching me. I bite my lip when he withdraws his fingers and makes quick work of rolling the condom on. Then he's there again between my legs, his fingers thrusting inside me.
"Please Raif, I need you now. I'm ready, I swear." He slides his fingers into me again and then pulls them out and shows me; they're dripping with my arousal.
"I'd say you're ready," he growls. I grab onto his hips to pull him closer, then reach between us and guide his cock to my center.
"Please," I say again, pride be damned. I need him now. "Now," I urge him as he enters me in one swift thrust, seating himself completely. I moan when he raises my leg, wrapping it around his hip and retreating just to snap his hips forward until he's balls-deep in me again. I've never been so full before, ever. He stretches me over his cock, stroking himself into me over and over again, hitting my g-spot each time. His mouth worships my breasts and neck, his beard scratching over my skin and leaving shivers in his wake.
I feel my release coming on me fast and reach down to play with my clit to help it along. Raif groans when I start clenching tighter around him, and by the time I break with his name on my lips, he's holding my hips and fucking into me harder than ever. I grab onto the headboard with both hands and hang on tight as he brings me
Grace
I WAKE up to the smell of cinnamon and vanilla wafting through the air. A second sniff reveals that coffee is being brewed somewhere in the house. I stretch and groan happily at the pull of my muscles, the delicious ache of how my body's been used. A masculine chuckle sounds nearby and then a finger is running over my breast, teasing my nipple until it peaks. I whimper as need spreads through me.
I open my eyes and find Raif lying next to me, facing me in the bed. I smile at him. "Good morning." He leans in and kisses me long and deep and I move closer to him, wanting his body pressed against mine again.
"Morning, sunshine," he says when we pull apart finally. "How'd you sleep?" He kisses me again before I can answer and I grin against his mouth.
"I slept well," I say, tracing a finger along his jaw. "You? How long have you been awake?" He pulls me into his arms and kisses over my jaw. "I woke up about half an hour ago. I slept really well." He kisses my mouth again and asks, "Are you hungry? I've got cinnamon rolls in the oven, and the coffee is on. I thought we could have breakfast... What do you think?"
My stomach chooses that moment to rumble and I giggle. "Well, does that answer your question?"
He gives me that barely-there grin of his and butterflies swoop around in my stomach. "C'mon, darlin', let's get you some food." I sit
up and look around, searching for my clothes. Raif has his jeans back on– they're zipped but not buttoned. No shirt to be found. He looks just as sexy this morning as he did last night.
I find my camisole on the floor along with my panties and slip them on, deeming myself dressed enough to eat. Raif groans as he looks me over. "I'm suddenly not as hungry for food as I was," he says. I grin at him.
"I need sustenance before you can have me again." I answer and he pulls me against him, kissing my neck and nipping at my ear.
"We need to get away from the bed then, cuz all I can think of right now is being buried inside you again." Those words in that voice go right to between my legs where a steady ache is building. Desire.
How nice that it's still hanging around the morning after.
We make our way to the kitchen and I take the opportunity to actually look around now that it's light out and we're not mauling each other. You would never know a Country music star lives here. It's so normal. Ordinary, and comfortable. I like it a lot. The most extravagant items in the house are the flat-screen tv with surround sound and the stereo system in the living room.
I meet him at the counter where the coffee is waiting and he gestures to the two mugs he's already got out on the counter. He's adorable. He pours for me and then gestures to the sugar and cream that are out on the counter by the coffee pot. I doctor my coffee and take a sip and sigh happily.
"That's a perfect way to wake up thank you," I grin. He motions to the table and says, "Have a seat."
I do as he says and sip at my coffee while he pokes his head in the oven and checks the cinnamon rolls. "Those smell amazing," I tell him. He takes them out and sits across from me and grins, blushing.
He seems almost nervous which is nuts because he's famous and I'm just me. "I wanted to talk to you," he says now, and I drink more coffee and nod.
"Hit me, I like conversation," I joke with him, and he smiles but he still looks anxious.
"Uh last night, that wasn't normal for me," he says, his cheeks pink but his eyes steady on mine. "I haven't been with anyone in a long time. And I just wanted you to know it meant something to me." He pauses and takes a deep breath. I reach across the table and take his hand, just to offer support. I get that he's trying to say something important here and I want him to know I hear him.
"It's not normal for me, either Raif." I squeeze his hand.
His shoulders loosen and he licks his lips. "I want more. And I don't mean a quickie before you leave today or a booty call somewhere down the line. I want to knowyou, to see you again. To take you out on a date."
Things like this don't normally happen to me, I swear.
I try to roll with it and not act as amazed as I feel. I squeeze his hand again and blurt, "Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Raif?"
"I am," he says, pleased that I'm getting with the program. "If you would want to, that is..."
"You're adorable," I tell him. "I would love to date you. We can see what happens."
He looks nervous again for a moment and says, "If you're gonna be sleeping with me, I'm gonna ask that you're not with anyone else." He looks far away for a moment and says, "I don't share."
Since when is the guy the one looking for exclusivity?
I find it refreshing. Honestly.
There's something in his voice that speaks to pain though. "You'd be exclusively with me too?" I ask, wanting to be sure.
He nods. "I know this might sound like a lot. I just... I want to be very clear with you about how I feel and what I want."
"Communication is key," I agree. "You can talk to me, I'm not going anywhere, Raif."
"Sorry," he looks down at the table. "My last relationship didn't fail so much as it crashed, burned and set half the town on fire."
I laugh but he doesn't. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, my laughter dying at the grief on his face. "I'm a pretty good listener."
He grimaces. "Isn't that the best way to get you to run in the opposite direction? Talking about my exes and all that kind of stuff?"
I consider telling him he's right. After all, I don't want to start out feeling like a rebound. Something about the pain in his eyes stops me. At the core of anything romantic, there should be friendship, in my opinion.
I can be there for him and not park us in the friend zone. Right?
"Listen, if you want us to date," I begin, "then talking is part of the deal. If there's something you want to share, I want to hear it."
He starts off slow. "Well, about two years ago now, I was engaged to this horrible girl... I'd dated her on and off throughout high school and she proposed and I just thought, hell, I didn't think anything good. It was a huge mistake, but I said yes. She left me at the altar."
I wince for him. Ouch. No matter the state of the relationship before that happened, that had to have hurt. "That's terrible. What made you stay with her if she was so awful?" I have to ask.
"She was more of a habit than anything. I've been pretty sick about the whole thing. I wasn't a good man. Not for her. But for my best friend, Chloe... well, I had been in love with her for most of my life but I'd been trying to hide it." He mentioned Chloe last night when he was talking about his friends but I never would've guessed then that there was more between them. He spoke about her matter-of-factly. It seemed more like she was just his friend's wife. If they were best friends at one point, what must've happened to change their dynamic so completely?
I nod to let him know I'm with him and he continues on, "Well, I got drunk and made a pass. And she reciprocated. I thought we were on our way to being something special. I really thought I'd marry her someday. I thought all the crap in my life was penance for getting to be so happy then. I never imagined she would hurt me."
I have a bad feeling about this.
He's talking faster now. "Wouldn't you know it, our other best friend, Luke, I was telling you about him last night. They dated before we did. He'd been in love with Chloe forever too. I swear I didn't know he still felt that way. I didn't make a play for her to spite him or anything like that. I just wanted her for myself. She was this bright spot in my life for so long, the best person I knew. But when