The Bugâ€™s Bucketlist Win a festival ticket ! What about Alex?
Editor’s note By Kate Sytnik "If today was the last day of your life would you want to do what you are about to do today? If not, it's time to change" – Steve Jobs When I was a child, meeting with friends was fairly simple. If I felt like seeing someone, I would just go to my friend's house and bug her mom to let her do the homework later. Now, however, things are slightly different. If I miss someone, we have to start planning a meeting at least two weeks ahead. And when we try to do so, we have to do all sorts of exquisite circus tricks and manipulations with our agendas to match schedules. Once we grow up it becomes way too easy to be absorbed in routine and turn on the autopilot cycling back and forth from home to work. Snippets of unconditional happiness, sprinkled through our day by a generous hand, are left unnoticed or in the best case taken for granted. But what if you were to find that today is the last day of your life? Would you do what you are about to do? If not, it seems like change is tired of waiting at your doorstep.
Well, you might say that it sounds corny and taking things to the extreme is not the wisest choice to make and we totally agree with you; however, this month we would like to give a taste of what it’s like to go beyond the borders of normality. Celebrating April's Fool’s day, we are encouraging you to craze up your life. In a witty editorial, Ernest Thiesmeier discusses what this mesmerizing word 'crazy' means and points out to its outstanding relativity (p. 5). He further explores our perception of craziness chatting to several students to discover their own personal definitions and experiences (p. 10). In a sophisticated essay Anne-Sophie Halbertsma shares her idea of a perfect last day (p. 7). Meanwhile Xandra Daswani urges you to experience a burning sensation of presence by trying out extreme sports (p. 15). Picking up the bat, I talked to Alex Whitcomb about the biggest challenges in his life and the idea of having a comfort zone (p. 17).
Editorâ€™s Note By Kate Sytnik
But it can't be all that grave and serious, right? Life is never unidirectional, the coin always has two sides (as the Bug has two sides this month). So tossing ours, we flip it around with some goofy bloopers that we bugged out of our classmates (p. 31). Deepending your growing sense of delusion, we expose our vulnerable poetic nature with poems written in our native languages and Google translated them especially for our dear readers (p. 22). Going even further we not only share our bucket lists but also offer a crazy to do list for you to compete for a ticket to Amsterdam Sensation (p. 36)! But before tackling our challenges, check out the second part of our chat with Alex to get a daredevil crash course (p. 19). Need more tips? Turn to the Life Advice section by Noah Bloem (p. 27). We hope we gave you enough reasons to craze up your life, so go out into the world and challenge yourself. Forget the worst-case scenario adult-like attitude and be spontaneous, try something new and explore your limits. Otherwise, you will never know what you are truly capable of. I can guarantee that once you start you will be pleasantly surprised. The most important thing is to brace yourself and make the first step. It doesn't have to be insanely reckless, just do something to step out of your comfort zone. There is no need to climb Kilimanjaro to do so (although, that would be impressive), perhaps for you that is just having the courage to talk to people instead of messaging them on Facebook or facing your fitness problems and replacing the cozy elevator with taking the stairs. However, coming back to our idea of duality and balance, once you've challenged yourself be wise enough to know when to stop, pat yourself on the back and sigh out "That was cool". Because your example might as well inspire others to get out of their own way too. Shake things up and make great memories, Sincerely yours, Kate Sytnik, Editor-in-Chief
Content Serious Business Editorial:: 5 Embrace the Craze
By Ernest Thiesmeier
Creative Writing: The Last Day
By Anne-Sophie Halbertsma Student 10 Interviews: Craziness
By Ernest Thiesmeier
What Get’s Your Adrenaline Pumping
By Kate Sytnik
Staff Profile II: Crazyness with Alex Whitcomb
Poetry Page: The Life and Times of Google Translate
Life Advice: Craze Up Your Life
Picture Page: Crazy Times
Flex Page: The Bug’s Bucketlist
By Kate Sytnik
Compiled by Noah Bloem
By Noah Bloem 15
By the EUC students
By Xandra Daswani
Staff Profile I: Seriousness with Alex Whitcomb
Beyond the Borders
By all the Buggies
For all you Daredevils!!
Embrace the Craze By Ernest Thiesmeier What is crazy? And is it something bad? I guess that depends on the perspective from which you look at it. A policeman thinks it’s annoying. A scientist sees it as interesting. And your grandmother thinks it’s scary. If she isn’t crazy herself. Craziness as a state of mind is not a new invention. People have been dubbed as crazy for centuries. In the past they were put in cages. Today they get drugged. Apparently, nobody really likes crazy people. But what is craziness, anyway? Crazy can incorporate pretty much everything. A hermit can be called crazy for living in a cave for 30 years. An office worker can be called crazy for spending 30 years in the same bureau. It is anything that can be considered shockingly abnormal. Of course, that does not necessarily have to be a certain lifestyle. There are many well-known acts of craziness in our world. A shockingly abnormal act by a normal person. Or a shockingly normal act by an abnormal person. What could that be? An office worker bringing a living pig to the bureau. Or a hermit buying a steak at the supermarket. But there is more to the concept of craziness. It is a label, always applied by a bystander. A crazy person is not aware of being crazy. For a hermit it is the most normal thing in the world to live in a cave and think about the astonishing growth of toenails. For an office worker it is the most normal thing in the world to sit in an office and think about the astonishing growth of stock values. But I dare you to show one of them a video of the other’s lifestyle. They will most certainly label each other as crazy. It can also be quite useful to define something as crazy. Often it is even necessary to label certain things as crazy. Why? The answer is simple: If nothing is crazy, then what is sane? The office worker cannot lead a normal lifestyle if the hermit counts as a perfectly sane man. And the hermit cannot justify his cave dwelling if he accepts office work as just fine. Both of them need to put a label on the other one, otherwise things just don’t work.
Editorial: Embrance the Craze By Ernest Thiesmeier
This pretty much brings us to the conclusion that there is no such thing as normal. It is a matter of perspective. The act of becoming crazy can be easily explained from this point of view. If the office worker suddenly decides to grow a beard and become a hermit he will be seen as crazy. At least by all other office workers. If the hermit suddenly decides to shave his beard and find a job he will also be seen as crazy. At least by his hermit friends. What both of them did was to radically change their worldview and their perception of normality and craziness. This act can only be seen as crazy. And maybe as normal. Because the outcome of it might be very beneficial for the person. The hermit can finally buy steak in the supermarket and stop worrying about beard lice. The office worker can finally reflect on his life and find pleasure in simple things. Maybe they became much happier after going crazy. If that works in real life? Itâ€™s on you to find out.
KEEP CALM and
EMBRACE THE CRAZE 6
The Last Day
By Anne-Sophie Halbertsma Were the world to collapse by the impact of a meteor, a nuclear explosion, an extraterrestrial invasion or some other natural disaster. Or were God finally to decide that He could no longer witness His humanly creations destroy the once carefully constructed Earth. Or were it my own body turning against me; cancer, aids or depression introducing the end of my life. Whatever the cause, twenty-four hours would be all that rested me. If such a scenario became truth, I would not be the person to accept fate, muffle myself away between my blankets, eat Ben & Jerries until I feel sick, watch Bones and await death. If I were to know my time and date of departure, I would make my last moments worth living for. I would make those hours define the person I am, the person I want to be and the person I want to be remembered as. I would complete my life in one day. Revaluing my priorities in life would be part of my morning meditation. After having spent half an hour in my own spiritual reality, bathing in the early morning sun, listening to the comforting sound of the awakening world with all its optimistic birds and slowly drifting away on the smell of freshly made coffee, I would emerge from my bed and start the day. Dressed in comfortable yet paradoxically dazzling daywear, I would gather my cheerful EUC friends and enjoy a breakfast of royal allure with them. We would laugh, make fun of ourselves and cuss the devil away in our eternal joy. My way would then lead me to the Hague where I would meet all my crazy, socially awkward high school friends in the park. Our time together would be defined by soft guitar music, tremendous amounts of food and deep, touching and ridicule conversations exploring the difficulties of life and the nearing end of it. Then, meandering along the sea on the Scheveningen beach, together with my oldest and dearest friend, we would have a laugh at all that happened and come to the conclusion that there must be something close to an afterlife since a world without the souls of our loved ones bound to each other in some sort of way would not be much of a world at all. While walking home, the sun would paint my shadow on the tiles, and I would try and catch it as I used to do. I hope that the thought of time taking away all that I care about would not keep me from singing my heart out and living my colourful fantasies for the last time. I hope that I would find the strength to once again forget about the horrifying, painful and distasteful things and see the beauty around me brighter than ever. I hope that instead of running, I would walk fierce and confident.
Creative Writing: The Last Day By Anne-Sophie Halbertsma
Arrived home, my fingers would dance their last dance on the piano and create the song of my existence. I would caress my stuffed toys as if I were three again and continue my way to the living room where my grandparents and aunt and uncle would be seated. Together with them and my parents and brother, we would share a macaroni-and-cheese dinner and afterwards go through all the old photo albums. And when all the old memories would revive and blur the borders of time and space, we would realise how blessed we were with our lives and the love we shared.
Since I havenâ€™t yet found my partner in eternity and my parents and little brother are the spill of my existence, the last hours of the day would be devoted to them. We would take the plane to Switzerland; honouring all the blissful holidays we lived there. We would taste the last sunbeams glistering over the mountain ridges while looking out on the vibrant valley beneath us. We would feel protected from saddening thoughts by the soft summer breeze, the soothing whistling of the grass, the twinkling songs of the birds and marmots and the rippling of the river on the rocks. When stars would appear in the darkening sky, we would descend to the chalet, gather around the fireplace and open our doors to any family members willing to share the final hours of the night with us. All seated cosily around the flickering flames, we would slowly sink away in the slumbers of our souls. Glints of satisfied smiles would fill the room together with faces occasionally lightened by the fire, soft voices veiled by the dark, the glowing sensation of each otherâ€™s presence and the reflection of love in our eyes. And when the old cuckoo-clock would be ticking away the last minutes of the day, we would find gratitude in our souls, peace in our hearts and contentment with our completed lives. We would be ready for eternity.
By Ernest Thiesmeier Zaire What does crazy mean for you? Crazy means something so out of the ordinary that you start scaring people. I’d say that there is a scale of craziness: from 0, like not at all, to 10, very crazy *laughs*. A little bit of crazy is fine because then you are just special and stand out of the crowd. But if you go too crazy, then you start being like Geert Wilders and shit like that. You need to contain your craziness.
What is the craziest thing you have ever done? *laughs* I don’t know if I can say it in this very family friendly magazine. The craziest thing that I’ve done… I think crashing a wedding was pretty crazy. But then again that makes me sound like a weak bitch. I’ve done crazier shit. So yeah, I don’t know. I don’t think I can name one.
What kind of crazy thing do you still want to do? You know what’s cool about crazy stuff? I can’t tell you something that’s crazy that I want to do right now because it wouldn’t be spontaneous. That’s the thing about craziness. It’s always impulsive. So I can’t say for sure what kind of crazy stuff I want to do. Because at the moment I am doing it, it’s just like: “Holy shit I did this.” And afterwards it’s just like: “That was crazy.” Right now I won’t be able to tell you what kind of crazy stuff I will do next month or next week. Or even today.
Student Interviews: Craziness By Ernest Thiesmeier
Clara What does crazy mean for you? *laughs* Something eccentric. Maybe craziness is somewhat like a circus. That would include circus clowns and people that deviate from the norm. You also have the psychopath crazy. But you know, I don’t like that crazy. The circus crazy is very nice, though.
What is the craziest thing you have ever done? I shaved my eyebrows and I shaved half of my head. I guess that’s pretty crazy, especially for a girl. I’ve also pierced another person. And I pierced my nose myself. I used to have a shitload of piercings before which I did all by myself. That’s pretty crazy you know, everything can go terribly wrong.
Also, when I was younger I used to sneak out of my house in the middle of the night. I jumped out of the window on the bottom floor. And then me and my friend would just walk around and demolish everything. Once we found some highheeled golden hooker shoes, and we were walking around with them everywhere. Then I hit my toe on the wall because I tried to get off the heel, and that hurt like a lot.
What kind of crazy thing do you still want to do? To leave everything behind. You know, go and join the circus. Do your own thing, kind of. Just start something weird and crazy.
Student Interviews: Craziness By Ernest Thiesmeier
Reka What does crazy mean for you? Being random and doing something that you wouldnâ€™t dare to do under normal circumstances.
What is the craziest thing you have ever done? I fucked up my 21st birthday because somebody had put something in my drink and I woke up in McDonaldâ€™s in the morning in Tokyo without my passport and felt awesome.
What kind of crazy thing do you still want to do? I think of doing the same for my 31st birthday as I did for my 21st, actually.
Student Interviews: Craziness By Ernest Thiesmeier
Arjuna What does crazy mean for you? I think for me crazy is when we go out of our comfort zone. Do something that totally challenges what we know. That’s being crazy, not necessarily breaking stuff or anything.
What is the craziest thing you have ever done? I did a crazy thing after my high school degree with some friends. We said “Yeah, let’s go to London by bike.” So we bought bikes because we didn’t have any and packed some stuff. Yeah, it wasn’t really planned. We got lost one hour after leaving Paris. So that kind of sucked. But eventually we made it and it was crazy, indeed. We went through a lot of shit and a lot of people just randomly helped us. It was really, really crazy because if it wasn’t for being really lucky, we would have been dead.
What kind of crazy thing do you still want to do? I still want to do some inevitable drugs, like mushrooms and stuff. I haven’t done that but want to try it. I also want to do what my grandmother did. She hiked up Mt. Kailash. That’s the second highest mountain in Asia, it’s in the Himalayas. To do that, you need one month of intensive training, but I want to do it as soon as possible. 13 13
Student Interviews: Craziness By Ernest Thiesmeier
Signe What does crazy mean for you? In my opinion, crazy means doing something insane or dangerous, that you wouldn't normally do on daily basis. Only when you are bored and want to have new adventures that you will never forget.
What is the craziest thing you ever did? Once my friend and I swam in a fountain in the city center of Riga because it was too hot outside.
What kind of crazy thing do you still want to do? I want to jump out of the plane with a parachute one day
What Getâ€™s Your Adrenaline Pumping? By Xandra Daswani We all have that one exhilarating thing that gets our adrenaline rushing through our veins and our energy sky rocketing. Whether it be skydiving or just having an intense run through the forest. It does not have to be crazy, but it is something that gives us this immense high; a feeling that we can conquer anything. For me, the crazy, adrenaline rushing activities I like doing are cliff diving and free diving. They sound the same but these are two completely different things. What they do have in common though, is they both involve the ocean, which is my favorite place to be, and you have to have the right mindset to do either. Cliff diving is basically free falling into the water whilst free diving is diving without any oxygen supply, just using the air you inhaled before going underwater. Yes, both of them do sound crazy and life threatening but it is something I do often in summer. These kind of activities give me a feeling that I am in my own world, even if for a short period of time, letting me enjoy everything life has to offer. Moreover, it gives me an amazing race of energy assuring me that I can do anything I set my mind to. In these moments I feel like I am on top of the world.
What Get’s Your Adrenaline Pumping? By Xandra Daswani
I asked a few students how they get their dose of adrenaline. Here are some of the answers. “Going to Rock concerts gives me this adrenaline rush I never feel by doing anything
else…it’s like my own personal high.”
“When I go kitesurfing in the summer, there is always this margin of me being taken away by the wind and crashing or landing my tricks…it gives me such a pit in my stomach that I love.” “Definitely skiing, especially because it’s outdoors and when you are in your element you can go really fast and try crazy new things…but without injuring yourself, of course.” If you haven’t found anything that most people will say, “don’t you think that is a little crazy for you?” then try it! If you think it will give you that excitement in your life (without damaging your body) then do it! It should be something you enjoy and keeps you leaping in excitement.
Staff Profile I:
Seriousness with Alex Whitcomb By Kate Sytnik
Alex Whitcomb, a red-headed Zimbabwean, who also happens to be EUC Student Life Officer, seems like the most easy-going and carefree person you can ever imagine. If you are passing through the gloomy corridors of Noordsingel building and hear an echoing laugh, you can be sure that someone is chatting with Alex in the hall. So it was a no-brainer for the BUG to pick the staff member for the interview with month, as it seemed like Alex is a perfect candidate to provide us with some crazy stories. Indeed, we got what we were looking for. But we were also privileged to discover a more serious side of Alex that he rarely exposes. Now we are eager to share our revelations with you. What was the biggest challenge in your life? I’ve done many challenging things like cycling to France and Germany, running a half marathon. These are the things that you are not sure you can do in the beginning but once you are done it is like ‘I just did that’. But the most challenging would definitely be my solo hitchhiking trip to Romania, because that was bloody scary. Actually, we planned to do with my friend but he dropped out and I felt like I needed to step out of my comfort zone so I decided to go for it nonetheless. I was terribly nervous at first, but in the end I am glad that I had this experience, having met all those quirky local people and got into all sort of adventures.
Sounds like a life-changing experience, indeed. What is the main lesson that you’ve learned during your trip? You need to trust people more than you are predisposed to because it appears most of them are nice and ready to help. Many people went out of their way to help me: grannies were taking extra bus to put me off at the right spot and some single Russian woman picked me up at the side of the road and gave me a lift despite a chance of me being a maniac. So I would say trust is something we should do more often.
Well, for many people that requires stepping out of their comfort zone. How would you define yours? My comfort zone and insecurities have a lot to do with a fear of failure. Even though I love starting up new things, I have to be three hundred percent sure it will work out in the end. I generate a lot of doubt for myself and I am still learning to tell people to be quiet sometimes.
Staff Profile I: Seriousness with Alex Whitcomb By Kate Sytnik
Do you do anything to fight it and re-define the boundaries of your comfort zone? I try to link up with people and surround myself with those who possess the qualities that I don’t have so that we can help each other out. However, in general I found that your comfort zone is like a muscle: the more you push against it the more you tire yourself out. There are times in your life when you just need to snuggle in your safety shell so that you can have strength to move forward afterwards.
What makes your life meaningful? I love spending time with different people and getting to know them. It is fascinating to see how you can influence each other. More personally, it is important for me to create an impact with what I do, to make a difference in the world with my work. It may be even invisible to others, but if I can go home and realize that I’ve created something today, it is all that matters.
What would you do if today was the last day of your life? Would you try to embrace the present moment or would you prefer to reflect on the past? I would probably go to the mountains. It is a very special place for me, there you can purely and simply feel what you feel without the pressure of civilization. I would definitely like to spend this day with my family and girlfriend and remember all the great moments that we had together. But I would also give some energy to myself and take time to reflect on my own. And after that I would literally jump into the present and go paragliding. That’s my plan for the last day. I’ve learned that life is a balancing act: you can neither be constantly present in the moment nor is it realistic to be stuck in the regrets about past. These two, past and present, always go hand in hand and you can end up feeling empty if you miss one of these parts. It is really important to know the right time when to live in the moment and when it’s better not to.
Staff Profile II:
Crazyness With Alex Withcomb By Kate Sytnik
What’s the coolest April fools prank you’ve ever came up with? It was in when I was still studying at the College. We had a special student board for academic affairs that was spamming everyone’s mailboxes with newsletters that I wrote. So a week before the Fools Day I sent an e-mail announcing that next Wednesday (April 1st) we are getting a new color printer installed in the computer room and the first day will be free printing for everyone. So I was like ‘Yes, guys, if you have all those documents you need to print, go ahead!’. Now the thing is that we had separate buildings on campus and the computer room was in the one far off the beaten track on the top floor of the building. Also, Wednesday used to be a sort of ‘recovery’ day after Tuesday party night so usually there were not many people coming to the university. On Wednesday I was just chilling outside, having totally forgotten about the master plan, when I saw a crazy crowd coming to school in order to get a colour print. This might sound weird now, but back in those days we didn’t have colour printing yet and so the announcement was pretty beckoning. You can’t imagine how pissed off those hung over guys who had to climb all those stairs were – in terms of impact we totally nailed this one! *Laughs*
What was the most embarrassing moment in your life? Oh, I had a really painful moment in the school choir. We had a Christmas service and I was supposed to sign a solo part of the carol. We got in the church, my friends and I feeling hysterical because for once we got to be with the girls: I went to a boarding school, so boys and girls were usually separated. The organ resounded through the chapel, I was standing in the front and I had to sing but I felt so nervous that once I opened my mouth everyone turned to the back to see what was happening, my voice being so squeaky and shaky. That was definitely awkward.
Staff Profile II:
Craziness With Alex Withcomb By Kate Sytnik
What is the top five of your bucket list? Well, first skydiving. Then, going to India for more than two months. The third one would be climbing Kilimanjaro. Because of my roots, fourth is setting up a university in Zimbabwe. The last one is not original at all, but having a family, a really big family. I want at least a boy and a girl, but my ideal is six kids, although I guess I would have to negotiate that with my wife. But I am sure we could get it down to four. (Laughs)
What is the stupidest thing you have ever done?
Staff Profile II:
Craziness With Alex Withcomb By Kate Sytnik
Well, I’ve done some silly stuff while being drunk. The really reckless one was when my friend and I decided to mix up vodka and juice into our ‘refreshment’ bottles for our hockey practice. So in the half time everyone was taking it easy, sipping on the water, while we were getting seriously hyped up, making too many jokes and running around. In the end we had to pretend we were ill because there were people asking to take a sip when their bottle got empty. It is really stupid and you hate it afterwards when you get this dry mouth feeling but at the moment it was fun.
Which qualities that children usually have do you think adults lack? Personally, for me it is respecting other people for who they are and not throwing oneself into making superficial judgments right away. Besides, a sense of inexorable enthusiasm for everything: for the world, new ideas and adventures. I don’t like the word too much, but really being optimistic. Having grown up, it is really easy to plunge into hardcore realism which often times results in hopeless pessimism. Adults tend to get too stuck in their head, so some spontaneity and fearlessness won’t harm as well. For instance, when I was eight and my sister was ten, we decided to organize a surprise anniversary party for our parents so we just went around the neighborhood and invited everyone to join in. Now you would think about norms, privacy, etc. but back then it was just as simple as showing up at the neighbor’s door.
The Life and Times of Google Translate Compiled by Noah Bloem
Although the title may indicate that the following texts are indeed a biography of everyone’s favourite language translator, that is in fact not the case. The truth is that the following texts are the literary visualizations in the dark twisted caverns that make up the minds of the wonderful authors of The Bug. In a brazen attempt to represent our proud and crazy nationalism, we have written each poem in a different language. And for the sake of sheer entertainment, we have allowed our dear friends at Google to literally translate each of our creations. So, go forth and celebrate a look into our imaginations and the translations thereof. Just a warning in advance: the translations have been untouched and my own Dutch could certainly use improvement. Enjoy!
Der Nasenhai By Ernest Thiesmeier Der Nasenhai zieht seine Bahnen, weiße Spur im tiefen Dunkelnass. Er ist mächtig aufgeregt während er seine Runden dreht, ist er doch der Geilste. Die andern Fische konsterniert, Schalengetier schaut interessiert. Er ist und bleibt der Geilste.
The Nose Shark By Google Translate The Nasenhai draws his tracks, white trail in the deep dark waters. He is mighty excited as he makes his rounds, he is the coolest. The other fish in consternation, Scarf cornered animal looks interested. He is and remains the hottest.
The Life and Times of Google Translate Sint en Piet zijn al een tijdje weg
St. Peter have been away for a while
By Noah Bloem
By Google Translate
Sint en Piet zijn al een tijdje weg, En wat is dat nou toch een grote pech! Want ik heb nog nooit een Nederlands gedicht geschreven Die niet gaat over Sint Nicolaas z’n leven.
St. Peter have been away for a while, And what the hell is that still a big luck! Because I've never written a poem Dutch That is not about St. Nicholas's life.
En Nederlands is voor mij een eerste taal Maar niet m’n beste…..um…en Humberto Tan is kaal Ik moet toch blijven rijmen en rijmen Het moet uiteindelijk wel op iets lijken. Oh shit, daar gaat het al helemaal fout, Nou ja, mijn bolletje ijs is tenminste nog koud. Je moet altijd kijken naar de lichtere kant van het leven, En het helpt ook om te leren zweven. Maar men zweeft niet zo mooi. Het liefst ben ik een uil, maar dan niet in een kooi. Nederlands spreek ik goed vloeiend, Maar Nederlands schrijven….dat is niet zo boeiend. Het slaat nergens op, maar dit gedicht Heeft wel een belangrijke bericht. En dat is om het leven nooit te serieus te nemen Anders krijg je veel te veel problemen.
And Dutch is my first language But not my best ..... um ... and Humberto Tan is bare I have to stay fit and rhyme It must seem to end up something. Oh shit, that's all completely wrong, Well, my scoop of ice cream is at least still cold. You should always look at the lighter side of life, And it also helps to learn to hover. But it does not float so beautiful. Ideally I'm an owl, but not in a cage. I speak fluent Dutch well, But writing Dutch .... that is so fascinating. It makes no sense, but this poem Has an important message. And that is to never take life too seriously Otherwise you get too many problems.
The Life and Times of Google Translate Тщетные усилия By Kate Sytnik Палка, селедка, цветочки, листочки Это, пожалуй, все примочки, Которыми вооружили поэта в школе, Но теперь когда он на воле, Не будет предела экспериментам в форме, И содержание избежит красной цензуры, Хочется создать что-то безумное поневоле, Бросив вызов корректуре профессуры. Всего две строфы выстраданы, А великие русские поэты уже унижены; Если бы Пушкин увидел это творение, Он бы счел это за большое недоразумение. Надеюсь, он не перевернется в гробу, Пока я пишу следующую строку, Но чтобы быть увереной наверняка, Закончу свою по��есть поспеша, Оставив лавры для более талантливого смельчака.
Vain Efforts By Google Translate Stick, herring, flowers, leaves This is perhaps all the gadgets, Which armed poet in school But now when he will, There is no limit in the form of experiments, And avoid the red content censorship I want to create something crazy captivating Challenging professor's proof. Just two stanzas are gained, And great Russian poets already humiliated; If Pushkin saw this creation, He'd found it a big misunderstanding. I hope he does not roll over in his grave, As I write the following line, But to be sure sure I finish my novel in a hurry Leaving laurels for more talented daredevil.
The Life and Times of Google Translate Lala Mi Galiña By Xandra Daswani Lala mi galiña Ta kana, ta kome ta grita, ta kore, ta trapa, ta kita tur kos den mi kas Mi a kwé e galiña P’en sigui ta kibra tur kos ku mi tin Pa trèk un bon sòpi; un sòpi Lala!
Lala My Chicken By Google Translate Lala my chicken, it walks, it eats, it screams, it runs, it stomps, it takes everything in my house I took the chicken because it keeps breaking everything with I have To make a soup; A soup Lala!
The Life and Times of Google Translate Je Danserai Seule
I Will Dance Alone
By Anne-Sophie Halbertsma
By Google Translate
Quand le vent amène Des chuchotements d’amour Quand les arbres se penchent Sur les pétales de velours
When the wind blows Whispers of love When the trees bend The velvet petals
Quand les oiseaux sifflent Et les enfants se taisent Quand les nuages déroulent Des mémoires qui pèsent
When the birds whistle And children are silent When the clouds held Memories that weigh
Quand la chaleur brule Et les fleurs se cachent Quand la rivière ronronne Et tout tombe en place
When the heat burns And flowers hide When the river purrs And everything falls into place
Car tout continue Quand le jour se termine Et s’en retournent au lit Les vicissitudes des routines
Because everything continues When the day ends And they go back to bed The vicissitudes of routines
C’est dans ce monde étrange Que je vivrai avec plaisir Je découvrirai ses mystères Je démontrai ses délires
It is in this strange world I live with pleasure I will uncover its mysteries I showed her delusions
Je danserai seule Chanterai à haute voix J’étendrai mes ailes En exclamant ma joie
I will dance alone Sing aloud I will spread my wings Exclaiming my joy
Craze Up Your Life
By Noah Bloem Dear Bug, I’ve been having some trouble sleeping lately. It’s not that I’m not tired, I work harder than most. In fact, I’ve written seven 2000-word essays this week alone just for fun. I’m not entirely sure why I think it’s a good idea to discuss the influences of modernist Malaysian literature upon the successes of small business in Ecuador in long academic papers, but it is certainly draining my energy. As such, I really do need my sleep, but can’t get it. The fact is that I’m afraid of sleeping. The thing is that I keep having the same dream. I keep seeing a small, robotic clown that keeps chasing me around different European cities (which tend to be the setting for my dreams) in an attempt to pull my pants down. I don’t want my pants to be pulled down. How do I stop these dreams so that I can sleep in peace?
Well, I can certainly relate to your situation, I had the same issue for several weeks while I was camping solo in the forests of Siberia in the winter of 1997. I kept dreaming that Boo (from Monsters Inc.) was trying to eat me. And I know what you’re thinking, “How could you see Boo when Monsters Inc. had not been released until 2001?” Well, the truth is, I do have limited abilities to predict the future. So, putting that aside, I should speak of how I rid myself of such horrid nightmares. You see, the key to fighting a dream adversary is to defeat it in the dream. Clear enough. Then again, I doubt your challenge will be very difficult. I mean, how can you even compare a little, robotic, face-painted, evil circus fool with a resourceful, intelligent, sneaky, quick, and overall demonic and deadly two-year old who isn’t even afraid of the monsters in her closet? No, I don’t think you can. Regardless, what you should do is challenge the small clown to a Dream Duel©. Notice that I do have that term copyrighted, so if you choose to utilize it, watch out for the legal repercussions. I am not forgiving. I believe somewhere in the laws of living in dreams it is stated that one cannot refuse such a duel, so if you challenge your clown, be ready for a fight to the death. In your dream, of course. It’s not an actual fight to the death, although if you lose, it’s likely that your clown will haunt you forever, no biggie. As for how to defeat your nemesis, that’s up to you. Personally, I found that turning myself into a giant paper dragon was quite effective in winning my own battle. But no matter what strategy you choose to employ, good luck.
Craze Up Your Life By Noah Bloem
Dear Bug, I’ve recently realized that I have an absolutely insane obsession with pancakes. And I mean obsession. It is getting out of hand. I haven’t eaten anything other than pancakes for the past 3 and a half weeks. I’ve recently celebrated a birthday with my idiotic French friend and we ate pancakes for dinner. Luckily there were a lot of pancakes, and just to illustrate my obsession, I ate 77…and the party only lasted an hour. O.o I’m afraid this habit may cause me to gain a pound or two and I’m fairly sure it’s not great for my heart. What should I do to recover from this ridiculous addiction?!
Well, for those of you who don’t know (though if you’re a regular reader, I’m sure by now you know that I am not only a Jack of All Trades, but a Master of all trades), I actually run several charity clinics for the recovery of this exact addiction. I have found, through much experimentation, that my 10-step program is the most effective method of combatting such ailments. Unfortunately, I don’t have a clinic open in Rotterdam (although there is one scheduled to open in January 2015), so here’s a list of the 10 steps I recommend. Good luck with your recovery. 1. Admittance – Admit that you are indeed a pancake addict and you are powerless against it. Your life cannot be managed. 2. Belief – Come to believe that there is a higher power that can save you and bring you back to sanity. 3. Give yourself up – Give up your life to the hands of your higher power (Me, in this case) and trust that it will take care of you. 4. Search – Search deep inside for your own moral strength and inner power. 5. Define – Define the exact wrongdoings of your actions and admit it to yourself and your higher power. 6. Spiritual Connection – Meditate for several weeks until you discover your own inner spirit animal (Mine is an owl). 7. Request – Humbly ask your spirit animal and your higher power to cleanse yourself of all sins. 8. List – List all the people you have harmed through the actions connected to your addictions. 9. Ask for Forgiveness – Visit each person you have harmed and ask for forgiveness. The unrequited quest for pancakes may have resulted in the creation of many enemies. Be careful, not all have the kindness in their hearts to forgive. 10. Preach – When you have finally found it in yourself to give up the lustful image of pancakes, spread the word and preach about the dangers of excessive pancake consumption. 28
Craze Up Your Life By Noah Bloem
Dear Bug, I write for my school magazine and I’m in charge of the Life Advice column. The defining characteristic of the whole section tends to revolve around a sense of nonsensical craziness and writing this has become a defining aspect of who I am as a person. The issue is that this month’s edition of my magazine is themed “Craze up your life” In other words, I have lost the monopoly on crazy! My unique selling proposition has gone from being life-defining to being the norm! How can I deal with this sudden influx of competitors in the market of crazy? They’re encroaching on my territory and I don’t like it. Screw it, I think that it is time to break this damned 4th wall. That’s right. I’m talking to you, reader. Because, to tell you the truth, I’ve had it up to here with all this nonsense. And you know what, I blame you. I know, I know, I could just as easily blame my colleagues and quite obviously, they must take part blame too (Particularly you, Ernest. Yeah, I’m looking at you. You know what you did). The sheer audacity they have! To theme this ridiculous issue on the attribute that establishes the exact essence of my regular article. Blasphemous, I say!
Craze Up Your Life By Noah Bloem
But I should get back to you, my reader. For this could all have been avoided. Or at least, it could have been if you were more proactive. You see, I write all of my own questions (except for one, which I challenge you to find) and it takes away from the connection that you (my reader) may feel to my writing. The reason for this is not simply because I am unquestionably the grandest being on this planet, but more so because I never receive any questions to answer. I know for a fact that not a single one of you is perfect at life, but I am. So you should be coming to me for advice. And yet, each day, I check my emails and not a single question appears. And I will remind you that the option is always open to email firstname.lastname@example.org with all your questions. Perhaps if you had sent in questions, I would not have to resort to this silly outburst of dramatic truth. In fact, I feel quite underappreciated. I work hard, day and night, slaving on the black and white keys that are nestled together, forming my keyboard. With only the stale light of the laptop screen illuminating my visage. I struggle through incessant back pain, carpal tunnel, insufferable loneliness, and even have to resort occasionally to double-checking facts on the internet! I’ve even fought off three heart attacks to bring you these masterpieces. All in the hopes that perhaps I can forge a single smile on one of your faces. And what do I get in return? Nothing. That’s right. Absolute squat. My own colleagues have even dared to challenge my authority on the crazy. It’s treason, I say. Treason! And rather than receiving the glory I deserve, I have nothing. I sit alone in my room, crouching in the darkest corner, hiding my sorrowful tears from even the smallest of creatures that sneak into my dwelling. And the world tumbles down around me. And still I fight through, wearing a mask when I come to school. Just to pretend that I really am OK. I really don’t need help from anyone. And perhaps that would all be true. Perhaps I truly could be the God that I am meant to be. If only I were appreciated, just with a single smile. Think about it. This one is on you.
The BugÂ´s Bucketlist By all the Buggies
Voyage around the world
1. Create a world
Make a radical change in the life of at least 100 people
2. Visit a significant amount of all continents
Run a marathon
Do bungee jumping from Auckland Harbour Bridge
3. Eat at a 3-star Michelin restaurant
Hike up the Himalayas
4. Get something named after me 5. Get a tattoo
The BugÂ´s Bucket List Xandra
Scuba dive the Great Barrier Reef
Do something rebellious (yet to be defined)
Climb one of the tallest mountains
Backpack through Southeast Asia
Go road-tripping in Australia and the United States, living the musician's life
Make a living of art, any art
Successfully free dive
Attempt to go sky diving
Have a passionate, ferocious, grandiose, ruthless and vivacious love affair
Set up an autarkic hippie community
The Bug´s Bucket List Ernest 1.
Visit every major city on earth
Meet a dictator in person
Eat ice-cream on the North Pole (90°N, 0° W)
Eat a 500 Euro bill
Go to space
Crazy Contest For all you daredevils! Now that we’ve told our story and equipped you with all the theory, it is time to go into the wild and actually do some crazy stuff! Here’s the list of challenges around Rotterdam that we dare you to take. We promise a proper reward for all the humiliation and dirty looks. Document how you tackle the challenge and send in your photos/videos to email@example.com to win a ticket to SENSATION in Amsterdam on the 5th of July.
1 Dress like a historic figure/superhero for several days
Ride an inflatable bed in the Kralingse Plas
3 Start a flash mob during a lecture
4 Break into the Nieuwemarkt building
Be a street performer at the market
Dye your hair in different colors that aren’t natural
7 Crawl across the Erasmus Bridge 8 Pretend to pass out on public transport
9 Film yourself saying 10 cheesy pick-up lines
to students at Woudestein Campus Go in Albert Heijn wearing only underwear and a coat
Editor Kate Sytnik
Cover photo Koen Wies
Xandra Daswani Anne-Sophie Halbertsma Kate Sytnik Ernest Thiesmeier Layout
Zaire Krieger Arjuna Mani Hiffler Reka Paul Clara Schauman Alex Whitcomb