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MAGAZINE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Devon O’Brien MANAGING EDITOR Matt Wettengel ARTICLES EDITOR Abby Gilman VISUALS EDITOR Kait McKinney CREATIVE DIRECTORS Katy Moore & Nguyet Bui ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Patrick Dieleman PUBLIC RELATIONS DIRECTOR Allie Anderson WRITERS Cole Komma, Emily Elveru, Jared Raney, Jasmine Anderson, Kiana Roppe, Leah De Graaf, Michelle Brugioni, Stephanie Thy Tran DESIGNERS Becky Eilers, Briana Wengert, Emerald Klauer, Jordan Welch, Mackenzie Ferguson, Tam Vo, Teryn Hammes PHOTOGRAPHERS Blake Lanser, Liz Zabel, Suit Yee, Yue Wu, William Deaton



TABLE OF CONTENTS p. 5: Confessions Your secret is safe with us (until now)

p. 6: Quickies

Nuggets of information to keep your inner douche at bay

p. 12: Seeking Revenge

Finally put your roommate’s nonsense to rest

p. 14: Boroughs of Ames

What your ’hood says about you

p. 8: Good Vibrations

p. 16: Raise The Bar

p. 10: Dream Theory

p. 20: Passion Pit: On The Right Track

Discovering your body through masturbation

Decoding your dreams

p. 11: Friend or Beau?

What to do when platonic becomes passion

Health inspections reveal the dirty truths about local bars

Get carried away by the band’s live sound

p. 22: Matt & Kim: Lightning Strikes

Matt Johnson on the new album, live shows and streaking in NYC

p. 24: Smoke And Mirrors

Uncovering Ames’ underground weed world

p. 30: Animal Collective

Thinking about getting a pet? Think again

p. 31 Quick Cash

Because spring break isn’t as cheap as you are

p. 32: Expectations In Relationships What men and women really want from one another

p. 34: Facepalm

Fight awkward situations with these easy fixes

p. 36: How To Survive An All-Nighter Read it now or save it for later: eventually you will need it

p. 38: Who Do You Think You Are?: Richard Deyo Get to know the notorious Skirt Man




I WENT ON A DATE WITH THIS GUY I MET ON NEW YEARS EVE. CLASSY. I never had to go on a date to know I’m bad at them. My dry sarcasm never comes off funny, I spill down the front of myself more than the oldest woman at a nursing home and I consider smelling my date’s dinner the same as tasting it. The night before, I was talking to one of my best friends. I told him I was nervous and he told me something that every college student needs to know: “Every time you do something new, someone will tell you, ‘Relax, it’s not that bad, you’ll see.’ But you haven’t seen yet. You’ve never done it, and until you have you aren’t going to know it’s not that bad.” So be anxious and nervous and live in that moment, because deep down you love it and it’s exciting. As soon as it’s all over, you’re never going to have that moment again. That’s what growing up is: lost moments. You either come out of it with a round two in store or a great story to tell all your friends. Without going on that date I would have never known that bars with chalkboard table

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tops exist, or that I truly can kick anyone’s ass in a bowling game. Or that going on an (almost) blind date isn’t always as bad as “Sex And The City” suggests. That’s what we want this issue to do for our readers: to let you experience something you haven’t before. Maybe it’s gaining a new perspective on a drug dealer in Ames or the police officer that busts him (p.24). Maybe it’s the opportunity of owning a new pet, or at least enjoying a few adorable animal photos (p.30). Maybe it’s gaining respect for a musician and adding a new album or two to your iPod (p.20). Maybe it’s making it through your first all-nighter without being admitted to the hospital (p.36). Or maybe it’s just getting to know a notorious Ames man you’ve never taken the time to talk to (p.38). I mean really, a man in a skirt? We can't make this sh*t up.




Relationships are best built on a foundation of trust. But what happens when someone slips up? Check out some of our readers’ dirtiest secrets.

We asked readers to reveal their relationship mishaps and best kept secrets.

“Each time we broke up I hacked onto his Facebook and read his messages with other girls. I did it once when we were dating and I found out he was talking to girls in Australia and Germany.” Whitney, junior

“He didn’t know I bought a dress for his sister’s wedding when we had been dating for one month. His sister’s wedding was nine months away.” Ashley, junior

“When he branded my name on his chest, he didn’t know that I was not impressed.” Laura, freshman

“I double dipped the chip on countless occasions, as well as hated her religion with her thinking I was Catholic the whole time.” Nate, junior

D & E


First dates can be intimidating, but after reading these horror stories you’ll be begging your date for round two.

Michelle, senior

“I had a high school boyfriend when I came to college freshman year. He got really into a scene he probably shouldn’t have, you know, with minor drug abuse and drinking and some infractions with the law. I was heavily against it. I told him that he should not be doing this at all, but at the same time I was also partying. So I was being totally hypocritical, but at the same time I wasn’t getting arrested. If he would have found out he would have been quite angry.” Sarah, sophomore

“I Facebook stalked a girl while I was dating my ex.” Tony, junior


“I dated this guy who always had bad breath. I would hold my breath any time we kissed.”

“During a movie night my roommate left without telling her friends or fiancé. It turns out she went to visit a special guy friend and hooked up with him while someone was sleeping in the same room. The engagement ended, but this mishap remains a secret.” Anna, junior

“After briefly meeting, I agreed to go on a date with a guy. He was obsessed with plants. We went to dinner at a restaurant that grew its own spices and herbs, so it had a greenhouse connected to the building. He asked the waitress if he could go into the greenhouse, and after being told no he was upset and talked about how he was so disappointed all throughout dinner. Then, as if it could not have gotten worse, a bee landed on him and he killed it and almost cried because he felt bad. Let’s just say, I said no when he asked to go on a second date.” -Natalie, junior “After finally agreeing to go to a movie, this guy took me to ‘Paranormal Activity.’ I hate scary movies, so I kept covering my eyes. Then he leaned over to me and said, ‘Don’t cover your eyes! I paid for you to see this!’” -Rachel, sophomore 5

Dankrupt (noun) \'dank-r pt\ “Yo dog, we fresh dankrupt.” e


Breakin’ down the slang you don’t understand.

Swag (verb) \’swag\ “That bro has so much swag.” Unfortunately, due to horrible rappers who rank the YouTube charts among kittens, the word swag is alive and strong. Actually, the word swagger, or swag, has been alive and strong for hundreds of years. It dates far enough back to that P.I.M.P. Snoop Daddy Shakespeare in his “Midsummer Night’s Dream” circa 1590. Yet, the word to describe the ability to exhibit swag even surpasses Shakespeare’s time and roots from some dudes who exchanged Lakers 59fifty hats for a similar style with animal horns attached to the peripherals. Viking gangsters were the first to coin the term swag. Swag comes from the Scandinavian word sveggja, which describes someone walking with a certain swing or sway in their step. After hundreds of years of word development the meaning has not changed much: A wannabe rap artist who stylishly limps embodies the word swag as the Scandinavians intended.

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Dankrupt comes from the combination of the words dank and bankrupt. The word dank first appeared circa 1310 by the Scandinavians and Germans as a verb meaning to moisten. That version of the word is now obsolete, rather dank is a slang word that describes potent, moist marijuana. Bankrupt is a commonly used word, describing what a person declares in law when unable to pay his or her debts. The root of bankrupt comes from the Italians and figuratively means shipwrecked or defeated. The combination of the words accurately describes the defeated feeling of a stoner with an empty stash. You’re guilty, everybody is. Slideshows of cute kittens playing with hyped up Japanese music in the background is difficult to avoid if you own a computer. Cute porn is a new slang word that describes any film, video or series of photos that exists solely to

Cute Porn (noun) \'kyüt-'porn\ “I need a cute porn pick-me-up after this day.” garner a ubiquitous “awww” from its viewers. Cute is a relatively new word, first recorded in a dictionary published in 1731. It was first described as something demonstrating acuteness, but by 1838 it was recorded to describe pretty or fetching. The word porn has not changed much since its birth. Pornography derived from the Greek words porni, meaning prostitute, and graphein, meaning to write. For many decades the term simply referred to the undisclosed actions of ladies of the evening. We won’t get into anything too kinky by analyzing the connection between kittens and prostitutes, but it is easy to see that the modern versatility of the word porn results from the addictive behaviors often attributed to it. And, as we all know, kittens on the Internet are rather addicting.

NAILED IT! The only reason we use Pinterest is in hopes each board will mask the lessthan-perfect lives we actually have. Because we all know that when push comes to shove, melting crayons on a canvas (1) is going to be messy, but marbling nail polish (2) is going to be messier. Putting sprinkles all over your lips (3) won’t ever look as sexy on you as it did on that model and neither will wearing a sock in your hair (4). Cutting a tiny star in the center of a DIY camera filter (5) can’t possibly be as easy as just buying one for $15. And nothing that is “healthy and delicious!” is going to look pretty, like Lemon Yogurt Cake made with almond flour (6).

UGGPOCALYPSE Uggs are so 2001 and we need to keep them there. But for those of us who still have a pair lying around, there are at least five better uses for those clunky wool clogs.

Kitten bed: It’s soft, cuddly,

warm and the perfect size for your little kitty to crawl in and take a snooze. Car emergency kit: Throw these in your trunk mid-winter. When your lemon breaks down and all you have is a pair of peep-toe heels you can ensure no toes go amputated. (Though you still probably shouldn’t be caught dead in your Uggs.) Extreme sock puppet: 1) Put the boot on your hand; 2) Cut a hole for a mouth; 3) Hot glue on some googly eyes.

Safe storage for valuables:

Your pair of sequin Uggs is the first thing a burglar is going to pass up during a break-in, so keep all the stuff you don’t want stolen tucked inside: jewelry, iPod, cash, your social security card, etc. Firewood: Plain and simple: The easiest solution is to just burn them.

DON’T BE THE PERSON WHO... Looks ready to go out at the gym Wears shorts in the winter Posts selfies every day Tweets a paragraph full of hashtags Unscrews the parmesan and peppers at Jeff’s Pounds your mug on the bar Gets drunker than the birthday bitch Is a heavy mouth breather Believes everything written on the Internet Pees in the stairwell 7

Good Vibrations BY KIANA ROPPE


Explore the world of masturbation and sex toys: A modern take on education that will keep you coming back for more. Sex has become a more acceptable topic of discussion in society and the media, while masturbation, a way of self discovery and pleasure, continues to be labeled as taboo. According to Amy Popillion, resident sexpert and senior lecturer at Iowa State, masturbation for both males and females was historically considered a moral problem. During the 18th and 19th centuries it was even considered a mental and physical illness. In fact, anti-masturbation gear, such as the pelvic constrictor for men, was invented to prevent the wearer from unconsciously masturbating while they were sleeping. Masturbation is safer than sex—so long as bodily fluids are not exchanged during mutual masturbation—and it isn’t physically, mentally or emotionally harmful. “[Masturbation] is one of the most widely practiced, yet least talked about behaviors,” Popillion says. Masturbation is so widely practiced that other mammals,

such as dogs, cats and horses, do it, too. Pleasure is an obvious benefit, and getting to know yourself and improving communication with your partner are pros as well. “It is also frequently recommended in sex therapy practices to help build a feeling of control over your body, feelings of safety and trust, and helping survivors of sexual abuse or sexual assault overcome the trauma they experienced. It can be used between couples who are coming to therapy due to sex-related issues in their relationship,” Popillion says.

Female vs. Male Masturbation For women, masturbation is considered a “don’t ask, don’t tell” subject, often accompanied by guilt or shame. “Women are raised to believe that their genitals are repulsive and inferior to those of men,” according to Columbia University’s fact-based health website Go Ask

FREQUENCY OF STUDENT MASTURBATION The data was supplied by an anonymous poll conducted by Popillion and represents 320 students in her class.










52% 40%


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7% 1%





Alice. “[Women are] also encouraged to repress their sexual feelings until marriage, when sex is for the purposes of procreation and pleasing her husband.” A sexual revolution organized by sexologist Betty Dodson in the ’70s gave women the freedom to talk openly about their sex lives. Dodson threw Bodysex Viewing Parties, during which women would get together in the nude to learn about their own bodies, sometimes by doing a showand-tell type exorcise. The goal of male and female masturbation is the same: self pleasure. However, the anatomy and social acceptance vary greatly. A major factor distinguishing the two is frequency. As an exercise in one of her classes, Popillion conducted an anonymous poll regarding the frequency of students’ masturbation. The results showed 5 percent of women and 52 percent of men masturbate daily; while 27 percent of women and 40 percent of men masturbate weekly. Only 28 percent of women and 1 percent of men had never tried it. In episode 13, season six of the television comedy “How I Met Your Mother,” Marshall wants to know whether or not he will be able to get his wife pregnant; He must provide the doctor with his sperm by masturbating to find out. “Why don’t you pretend you’re in high school, get back in that bathroom, and blow dry your hair,” his dad suggests. Similar scenes have been played out in movies like “American Pie” and “There’s Something About Mary,” deeming male masturbation acceptable in society. In fact, males who don’t masturbate can be seen as abnormal.

Fleshlight 411

The Original

Easy-to-use masturbation tool with a flashlight-shaped case and an inner insert.

Vibrator vs. Fleshlight In 2011, the movie “Hysteria” was released sporting the tagline: “He created an invention that turned on half the world.” In Victorian times, because masturbation was considered a sin, women who expressed symptoms of hysteria—including anxiety, nervousness and depression—were sent to the doctor to be manually stimulated to orgasm and thus cured. Mortimer Granville, a 19th century male doctor, found the task so tiresome and time-consuming that he invented the first patented vibrator. Women’s use of vibrators has become more socially accepted since its introduction in 1880 by Granville and reintroduction in the 1960s during the Women’s Rights Movement. Vibrators are often shown in movies like “The Ugly Truth” and “Easy A.” Vibrators are so mainstream that Laura Berman, Oprah’s sexologist, says mothers should buy them for their teenage daughters. "The reason I suggest a vibrator is because so many women and girls and adult women have a hard time reaching orgasm through self-stimulation alone," she said during an on-air interview for The Oprah Winfrey Show. "This is just a way to normalize it and normalize sexual exploration."


Fleshlight made specifically for gay men.

Pocket Pussy

A portalbe falst-vagina small enough to carry along with you.

sexual partners. Katie Drew, a Pure Romance party consultant, says she’s “never had a bad reaction to the party. Sometimes people have misconceptions: They think they’re going to a sex party, but when I show up in my business professional clothes, people are a lot more impressed.” Fleshlights, made to aid in male masturbation, are less socially acceptable; Many people are unaware that they even exist. According to Popillion, a message perpetuating through society says a man who resorts to a Fleshlight instead of his hand or a lover’s is less of a man. Fleshlights, and their counterpart Fleshjacks for gay men, are made to simulate the feel of a sexual partner. They, too, can come in many textures, sizes, shapes and colors, even including an Avatar blue after the 2009 box office hit. Though these toys are rarely shown in any form of the mass media, the television show “Blue Mountain State” often features a pocket pussy, the Fleshlight’s cousin. “Talking about sex toys and masturbation—or whatever it is that you want to learn about— is OK and helps you find out important information,” Popillion says. However, “just as important is talking with your partner.”

Vibrators come in many sizes, textures, colors and shapes, such as the “Rabbit,” to accommodate different women’s preferences. Pure Romance parties, where a variety of vibrators and sexual products are sold in the comfort of a host’s home, are considered modern day tupperware parties. The parties educate participants about their bodies, sex toys and how to better their relationships with their



Your imagination wanders as you’re caught in the midst of a vivid, event-filled dream. Throughout the day, the memory of the dream haunts you and you beg the question: “What could it possibly mean?” Luckily, we scoured the shelves and pulled the most common dream associations from Gillian Holloway’s “The Complete Dream Book: Discover What Your Dreams Reveal About You And Your Life.” Free falling

Naked in public

Being chased

We’ve all been there; that dream where you have a powerful sensation of falling, speeding through the air to your inevitable death below. According to Holloway, this represents stress in your life. Maybe you are overdoing it with extracurriculars, you had a bad week at work or that chemistry class is just becoming too much. In her book, Holloway says “a falling dream can be a signal that you are operating at maximum capacity already and you should pause to become acclaimed.” So give yourself a break, drop one of those clubs, go get a drink with a friend or find a tutor for that overwhelming class.

You know the cliché dream where you are standing in front of a crowd, but you look down and realize you forgot to put on your clothes? “Ironically, positive change is often the culprit because as we excel, we are more often asked to step into unfamiliar territory,” Holloway says in her book. Meeting someone who’s worth campaniling with or getting your dream internship can send you into a whirlwind. And while being happy is obviously a good thing, when you get caught up in your own happiness there’s no time to process ambivalent feelings. So take time to process your success, then keep the party going.

That childhood dream of monsters under the bed used to be your worst nightmare. Now your nightmares include mobsters with guns who ruthlessly chase after you. According to Holloway, the monsters and villains personify the tensions and issues that trouble our daily lives. “Chase dreams are a sign that some facet of your life is making you feel pressured or driven. Even if your life is successful and well ordered, this inner tension can perpetuate a sense of feeling off-center and on the run.” Try meditation or self-reflection to make peace with your issues.

Flying high In your dreams you can do anything; just think it and it happens. On Earth we need planes to fly, but in our dreams we merely need a happy thought to send us soaring through the sky. “Ecstatic flight is often associated with a recent positive experience, something that made you feel wonderful, capable and free,” Holloway says in her book. If you are flying without a hitch then know you are truly happy, but difficulties in flight represent someone or something holding you back from your full potential. Address that lower-than-normal grade or push through the stress of an upcoming exam and you’ll be flying high in no time.

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Intimacy without attraction We all have sizzling romantic dreams, but sometimes they’re with someone we’re not attracted to, like a classmate that’s just a friend or a celebrity you aren’t particularly fond of. In her book, Holloway says this is normal and there are a few possible reasons. One reason is that the person represents a quality you admire, like how Oprah is a good communicator and businesswoman, but maybe not your cup of tea for a sexual partner. It could also be that you’re doing something that isn’t right for you, like considering a job offer that doesn’t fit with your morals. There could be an unconscious attraction to a coworker or you could just be connecting with this person on some other platonic level—just take the time to consciously process before acting on any fictional feelings.

To further interpret your dreams visit



We’ve seen it in romantic comedies, sitcoms and even on this season of “The Bachelor.” Friends of the opposite sex either become Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing or are sent home at the Rose Ceremony. But what about in between? Can friends that move ahead romantically go back to being just friends? Looking back on it now, Justin D’Souza, junior in biology, is glad he and his ex-girlfriend worked things out after a nasty break-up in high school. “We are bros,” says D’Souza of his now ex-girlfriend. According to him, his situation is ideal, but not all breakups end as easy as his. So what do you do if a close friend hints at something more?

STEP 1: COMMUNICATION The first step is to ask a vital and obvious question, says Mark Redmond, communication studies professor. “Do I want to risk losing this friendship for a chance at something more?” Ultimately, Redmond warns against hiding true feelings. No matter what “it will come out in your behavior,” says Redmond. The best option is to be open and direct. If your true feelings are for something more than friendship, simply ask, “Have you ever thought about going on a date sometime?” If the response is, “Yeah, I have thought about it,” take the bait. What if the response is the dreaded no? How do you bounce back and still remain friends?

STEP 2: COOLING-OFF PERIOD If you really threw a curveball to your friend, take a break from each other for a few days (or months). Tina Coffelt, communication studies professor, suggests a cooling-off period before friends move ahead in salvaging the relationship. From her own experience, Coffelt has learned a period of cooling off might even lead to some valuable reflection. After a year and a half of friendship with a particularly charming male friend, Coffelt asked him if he was interested in going out. Not uncommonly, he was very uncomfortable and taken aback. For the next few months there was a long period of cooling off with little to no contact. After those few months, Mr. Charming came around, realized what he was missing and they started dating. D’Souza spent six months not speaking to his ex-girlfriend before they could move on.

STEP 3: REKINDLING THE FRIENDSHIP Once everyone’s true feelings come out it might feel like you can never go back to what you had before, but if you stop mentioning it and move on there is a good chance you can regain a valuable friendship. According to Redmond, the best way to bounce back after a rejection is to confirm that you will still remain friends and drop the subject. In the end it’s really about reading the hints other people give off. “It is really about having a pulse on the other person,” says Coffelt. Being able to identify flirtation cues goes a long way in deciphering what a friend might be feeling. So are you going to sit around and wait for your best friend to finally get the clues and ask you out, or are you going to take the leap, no regrets? Or, you know, you could just try out the friends-with-benefits bit; it seemed to work well for Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake.




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They’re the people you can talk to each night and rant about the day’s events, they tell you when you look nice and when your outfit is a complete mess. Or they can be the pesky people who scatter their shoes everywhere for you to trip on and leave moldy food in the fridge so a lovely smell wafts into your face every time you open the door. Here are some tips* to deal with the common annoyances a roommate offers.

How hard is it to ask if people can come over? Besides, it’s common courtesy and about 99.9 percent of the time you could really care less if someone stopped by for a visit. Overnight visits, however, are a whole new subject. Overnight visits from her 21-year-old brother who’s rude and not the greatest with hygiene skills? That’s a whole new ballpark. So, here’s what you do: Calmly tell her that you’re really not into the whole having the older, drunken brother over for the fourth time this year. With that, two things could happen. Either 1) she will accept what you say, or 2) she will totally blow up thinking you’re ridiculous. If the latter happens, well, you might end up in a single for the rest of the year. Good luck.

No one is home yet but all the lights are on. Either the unintelligent burglars from “Home Alone” are in your apartment or it was your roommate. Let’s go with the second choice. (Although recreating all of Kevin’s traps would be fun and garner a great Facebook post.) You’re frustrated because it’s, what, the bajillionth time your roommate’s left the lights on and the electric bill is racking up; it’s time to teach them a lesson. Wait until an hour after your roommate’s gone to bed—enough time to get into a nice, deep sleep—then go into her room, flip the lights on and say something like, “Oh, I just thought you liked it when all the lights are on. My bad!”

If dishes aren’t the problem, possibly taking out the garbage is. We get it—the dumpster is far away and it’s cold outside. But seriously, the apartment is really starting to smell like last Tuesday’s mystery pizza, and if it tasted bad then, the smell is about ten times worse now. Don’t be a pushover; you have asked countless times, and nothing has happened. So, strategically pile the garbage on his bed— in the bag or out, whatever your mood—and cover it with his blankets. Once he discovers it’s not a dead body in the bed, they'll take out the garbage. Problem solved.

Your roommate is possibly the nicest person you know—until you see the pile of dishes in the sink. Simple solution? Take the mountain-high stack of dishes from the sink and put them away in the cupboard. Yes; the nasty, dirty, food-encrusted dishes go back into the cupboard with the clean dishes. I bet he won’t put off doing those ever again. (Or so we hope.)

Now, you really don’t mind anyone who has a significant other. I mean, really, you praise the two of them for actually finding someone out there decent enough to date. Nevertheless, while you like your roommate’s relationship, you would rather not like to hear it through the walls while you’re trying to sleep on a Tuesday night. Make sure they’re fully aware you can hear what’s happening; if you can, position some speakers as close to the dirty deed as you can get and throw on “I Just Had Sex” by The Lonely Island. You’ll grab their attention for a change—plus, it’s catchy. *The tips above do not guarantee a fix to any roommate problems you may have and could, in fact, make the situation even worse. Reader’s discretion is advised.


All-you-can-eat buffets, freshman 15 and the Orange 23. That’s all.


We hear this is where money trees come from.


Grab that handle of Hawkeye, we’re about to get sophomore drunk.

Frederiksen Court

Where the walls are as cheap as the rent. (And thin as a dollar to boot.)

Schilletter-University Village

Pretzels, dollar movies and international students.

North Grand


Sky-high rent: fossilized vomit, broken elevators and blacked-out hotties included.


The barren desert refers to both the landscape and the social scene.

West Ames

Dude, you have PBR foam all over your mustache—but your grandpa’s vintage cardigan totally matches your soul.

West Street

GTL, DTF, T-shirt time. Wait, this isn’t the Jersey Shore? We got confused.

The Grove

Like, is this still technically Ames?

South Duff

Oh, you fancy, huh?


raise the




They’re a staple of any college town, and in Ames some are notorious for being a little less than sanitary. Current standards in Iowa require inspections of most bars only once every two years, despite recent closings due to roach infestations and repeated violations. Lines begin to form outside the Campustown bars after 10 p.m. on Thursday nights. Students stand in semi-chaotic lines clenching colored plastic mugs, waiting to catch a cheap buzz and begin the phenomenon that is mug night. With 14 bars in a two-block radius, deciding which one to go to can be a challenge. Stumbling between bars on Welch, students don’t think twice when their feet stick to floors, their mugs are used as ice scoops or they have to squat and hover over seatless toilets. On Sept. 11, 2012, health inspector Brian Church found cockroaches while on a routine inspection at Paddy’s Irish Pub and Sips. Even though exterminators had been on site since the first inspection, Church revisited Paddy’s and Sips 15 days later and found more roaches, forcing the adjoined bars to close for two days. The Iowa Department of Inspections and Appeals is in charge of inspecting Ames food service establishments. The department allows inspectors to choose whether to revisit the site or allow the owners to mail in confirmation that the violations were addressed. Outside of their disturbance factor, roaches themselves aren’t harmful to humans. However, they do pose a threat of contaminating anything they touch since they can carry microorganisms on their feet, says Lakshman Rajagopal, a hospitality, sanitation and safety professor at ISU. “Presence of roaches indicates issues with pest control, cleaning of establishments and poor oversight of cleaning in all areas,” says Rajagopal. “It is possible that the building by itself might be defective.” Three days after Paddy’s and Sips reopened, Church found cockroaches while inspecting Chasers. This time the nature of the bar’s violations only warranted mail-in proof that they were dealt with, says David Werning, public information office for the DIA. No record of the bar’s mail-in report is available online. Before being cited for roaches, the three bars’ last routine inspection reports show

comments like “entire facility needs better cleaning and maintenance” for Chasers; Paddy’s and Sips received specific instructions to “clean & maintain bars better!!!” Even with these notes, it was almost two years before the bars were visited by another inspector. This is a common inspection frequency for bars that don’t serve food, which are considered to hold less risk to consumers. Bars are classified as food service establishments under the Iowa Food Code, which are required by law to be inspected once every six months or on a risk-based inspection frequency. “The risk-based system allows [inspectors] to focus on establishments with the greatest risk to the consumers,” Werning says. Food preparation increases the risk of cross contamination, as employees touch raw foods and have to maintain higher standards of sanitation to avoid spreading bacteria. Whether bars prepare food or not, they can still present a risk to consumers. “There are other sources of contamination, which are always there,” says Rajagopal. “People think that if there’s alcohol [all germs] will die, but if your beverage is contaminated, you can’t just kill it.” Food contact surface violations are the most common in restaurants. They can easily be prevented if employees are trained in proper sanitation methods. “If somebody were to get sick and it’s traced back to your bar, that’s a lot of financial loss that you might have. It’s actually much easier to do these small things. We cannot control the guests, but we can control our employees,” Rajagopal explains. Inspection reports for all Ames bars dating back to 2005 show that inspections are normally done between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.—before many bars in Ames even open their doors for business. This leaves a bar’s management responsible for ensuring their employees know and follow proper sanitation methods, as inspectors aren’t likely to come in when employees are serving. To Werning, the timing of inspections doesn’t influence what inspectors find. “When we


find it, if there’s a problem, it generally occurs whenever inspectors are there. You don’t have to have a standing-room-only crowd to do an inspection,” Werning says. Collin Wientjes is a junior in hospitality and event management and a manager at the Oak View Restaurant in Polk City. To him, doing inspections when a restaurant isn’t open for business only shows part of the establishment’s sanitation. “Not only should you inspect the bar area, you have to inspect the people that are working there; whether they’re washing their hands or touching things and cross contaminating them,” says Wientjes. “The cross contamination with other humans is ridiculous and needs to be observed.”

Werning says there aren’t any problems in Ames that can’t be found in other places across the state. However, students like Wientjes don’t think Ames bars are held to a very high standard compared to bars in places like Des Moines, Iowa City and Omaha. At the same time he says he’s more likely to walk to a Campustown bar than drive or catch a bus to bars on Main Street, which he thinks are “generally cleaner and nicer.”

cleanliness standpoint in Campustown, I think that everyone around here is dealing with old buildings that pose unique problems and everyone just needs to make … general building maintenance and cleanliness more of a priority,” says Crimmins. “The cleaner you keep your place the more your patrons are going to respect it. Do I think kids are going to drink in a dirty bar? Yeah, probably. Do I think if given the option they’d rather be in a cleaner one? Most times.”

For Charlie Yoke’s co-owners Jason Crimmins and Michael Roberts, cleanliness is a top priority. The bar staffs 10 employees until 3:30 a.m. or 4 a.m. to close the bar on weekend nights, ensuring it’s clean and ready to open for lunch at 11 a.m. the next day. “From a

what to bring to keep you {clean} clean mug

hand sanitizer


wet wipes/tissues

Bars aren’t responsible for your mug, so make sure you are. Some bars use mugs as ice scoops; act accordingly.

If you’ve got a cough, arm yourself with something to stifle it for everyone else’s sake.

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Having this on hand will eliminate the problem created by soapless bathrooms.

If you don’t want to contract anything break these out whenever it seems necessary. They can also double as toilet paper, which can be hard to come across.

Violations In Ames Bars Since 2010 (Number of Inspections)

Café Beaudelàire (4) Es Tas (8) Olde Main (4) West Towne Pub (6) Charlie Yoke’s* (1) Café Mood (1) Chasers (2) Corner Pocket/DG's Taphouse (3) Cy’s Roost (3) Deano’s (3) London Underground (1) Mickey’s Irish Pub (3) Mother’s Pub (4) Outlaws (3) Sips/Paddy’s Irish Pub (3) Thumbs Bar** (1) Welch Ave Station (3) Whiskey River* (1)








* opened in Fall 2011 ** online records only go back to 2012

Critical Violations

Project 20/20 and AJ's Ultralounge only have pre-opening inspections from fall 2012 available online.

Non-Critical Violations


Most common critical violations: Food contact surfaces: Something didn’t get cleaned right, or food wasn’t stored properly. Handling/storage/labeling of toxic items: Poisonous or toxic materials were kept too close to food, equipment, utensils or linens. Cold hold: Safe temperatures weren’t maintained in the fridge. Plumbing: installed/maintained: Plumbing either wasn’t designed, constructed or maintained according to the state or local law. Cross-contamination protection: Cooked and raw food were a little too close during storage, preparation or display. Others include: Hygienic practices, pest control, incorrect date labeling, lack of hot or cold water pressure, well-working appliances. 19

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Fresh off the release of the critically-acclaimed second LP, indie-pop royalty Passion Pit brings the dance-ready sound of Gossamer to the stage. Bro’d out druggies snorted unidentifiable powders from tin cans and were guided to another world by Michael Angelakos’ soaring voice and band of bouncing synths. The sweat weighed down Angelakos’ Greek mop of curls and turned his shirt a deeper shade of purple as he amped the sea of hands a few thousand deep. Then relatively under the radar, Passion Pit made its Lollapalooza debut in an easily overlooked afternoon slot on a side stage with an unmastered EP and freshly released label full-length under its belt. Two years down the road much has changed: Angelakos’ ‘do has been cut and cropped, a massive pink backdrop of the band’s latest album’s artwork decorates the main stage in Grant Park, and the sea of hands grew to include more than 60,000 individuals despite the band’s uncertain fate merely weeks earlier. “It was kind of crazy because that came right after our cancellations and we weren’t really sure how we were going to be received,” keyboardist Ian Hultquist says, referring to the band’s return to the stage after abruptly canceling a string of July shows on its 2012 national tour. Along with the cancellations came a widelypublicized explanation: Frontman Angelakos had been battling bipolar disorder and was committed to a hospital to get help. “As his friend I’ve gone through the ups and downs with him for almost half a decade already; It’s just kind of another part of the story,” Hultquist says. Despite the then-faltering fate of the tour, the band is back on track and moving ahead at full speed: They appeared on

the soundtrack for box office hit “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part II,” performed album standouts “Take A Walk” and “Carried Away” on “Saturday Night Live” in October and headlined the legendary Madison Square Garden earlier this month. Gossamer, the band’s second full-length effort, opens on a high note with the surging single “Take A Walk,” one of the earlier releases and more successful singles. It’s one of the most feel-good and light-hearted songs on the release, portraying the current state of the economy and the modern American family rather than Angelakos’ intrapersonal struggles. “Constant Conversations” offers Angelakos’ effervescent voice floating above a simple, in the outfit’s terms, blend of synths, claps and whoa-oh-ohs and a seemingly hazy filter masking the layers into a whole. The sloweddown track breaks away from the poppy strobe synths of Manners, declaring this album is of a different league and corroborates Angelakos is a creative wunderkind. Multiple songs on the LP are comprised 80 to 120 tracks, a mathematical and creative conundrum when performing them on stage with five members. It took nearly a month and each member doubling up on instruments— Hultquist alone mans three keyboards and a guitar—for Gossamer to smoothly translate to the stage where “our creative control lands,” Hultquist says. Though Angelakos wrote and performed the recorded album, the remainder of the Cambridge-native outfit—comprised Hultquist, Angelakos, Ayad Al Adhamy, Jeff Apruzzese and Nate Donmoyer—make decisions on the stage, meeting with Angelakos only to perfect the final product. “We make sure

everything is being played right and sounding the way it should and that it will work on stage,” Hultquist continues. “And that’s a big deal because that doesn’t always translate. It takes some practice and some experimenting to make sure we get this right.” A keen ear can note the subtle differences in “Constant Conversations,” “I’ll Be Alright,” and “Live To Tell The Tale,” three songs rearranged for the stage. In fact, “I’ll Be Alright” is a complete departure from the version that appears on Chunk Of Change, the band’s personal-turned-success-vehicle debut EP, but it’s the live song Hultquist is most proud of. “On My Way” acts as the final scene in this messy love story and it’s the closest to happilyever-after we’re given. The title’s dizzying introduction and anthemic hook parallel the author’s history; it’s an auditory roller coaster on which Angelakos pleads “We’re both so broken, done long hoping/Is that we’ll stumble upon our love again/Just believe in me, Kristina/All these demons, I can beat ‘em/I’m on my way.” Despite the sometimes-unstable future of the band, for now it seems all are in a good place. “We’re happy with each other, we hang out all of the time. Things are really good right now,” Hultquist says. Good enough that they packed 2013 with tour dates worldwide, including slots on the Coachella and Lollapalooza Brazil and Chile lineups. “It feels good; Our sound is actually filling up arenas completely and [the band’s] grown a natural amount,” Hultquist says. “We’re just going to keep this good thing going for as long as possible.”



Indie-dance duo Matt & Kim have wasted no time in the new year: They kicked off a national tour alongside Passion Pit last month, played the legendary Madison Square Garden and saw their fourth studiorelease, Lightning, make it on “must” lists from Entertainment Weekly and Complex magazines—and for good reason. From the determined “Not That Bad” to the danceready single “Let’s Go,” Lightning, produced in their Brooklyn bedroom, follows in true Matt & Kim fashion with giddy beats and playful lyrics. A departure from Matt Johnson and Kim Schifino’s widely-successful 2010 release Sidewalks, “I Wonder” offers new arrangements and tests ideas borrowed from hip-hop and pop chart-toppers. We caught up with Matt to discuss the new album, the art of not-perfect music and streaking through Times Square.

Ethos: What are you up to today? Matt Johnson: You know the website called Gilt Groupe? Well Kim ordered a shelf off this thing—it’s been a nightmare these past two weeks planning deliveries and canceling them and finally they just showed up late today for the fourth day they were supposed to deliver it. They came in and brought it in just like a wrecking ball, just destroyed our house with it. E: Oh no, that sounds terrible. Other than that how are things going? You guys have had an eventful past few months with the release of your fourth LP and subsequent national tour. MJ: Things are good. Yeah, we did a six-week tour [starting] in October. It was our best tour ever ... and now we’ve had a month just for the holidays that we’ve been home in New York—it’s been a different pace of life. I’m not used to it.

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E: You put a lot of energy in your live shows. How does that energy translate from your live shows to your album, and vice versa? MJ: I think they’re two very different things. One has very little to do with the other. I’m glad there’s both sides to it because I love writing music and that’s a great part of this, and I love playing shows too. They’re two very different things—I think if you heard Matt & Kim live you would assume it was very different from the album, and I think hearing the album you might assume it’s a little different live. We just try to do the best we can at both. E: What’s your writing process like? MJ: It’s very collaborative between Kim and myself. But even this last album we did without a producer—as well as the Grand album, we did our Sidewalks album, our third album, with a producer—because we realized that we know so well what we want that it’s best when it’s just unfiltered Matt and Kim, Kim and Matt. It’s just the two of us doing all the stupid stuff we want to do. E: I know you have a background in film and Matt & Kim videos are typically outlandish. Where do the ideas come from? MJ: Most or all of our ideas have been an idea I’ve had. [For “Let’s Go”], the “Awkward Family Photos” one, we actually put a net out to other directors to [hear] what they were thinking. And so there was this guy, Dugan O’Neal, [that] had this idea, you know, based on stuff he’d seen around on the Internet. I think what it always comes down to is having one simple core idea, as opposed to lots of music videos you see have no idea—they’re just a band playing in a somewhat cool-looking place with nice lighting and whatnot, but it’s not really an idea. We always want to have a core of an idea in all of our music videos, whether it’s, you know,

Matt and Kim get food thrown at them for three minutes or we take our clothes off in Times Square and beat the crap out of each other. E: Speaking of Times Square and “Lessons Learned,” was that all completely real? You were butt-ass naked? MJ: Oh yeah. It was February and it was very cold and an awkward place to take your clothes off. It was freezing cold. Kim did not want to do it at all, but I had the idea and I just had to convince her for a couple months that it was a good idea. I mean finally, after winning the VMA, I think she had to admit that it was not a bad idea. We’ve seen people [that think it’s] a green screen, you know all this conspiracy stuff about it, but we were in Times Square in February and it was cold. E: It seems that recording albums in bedrooms or less conventional spaces is becoming a trend. Why record Lightning in your bedroom when you have professional studios at your dispense? MJ: I think there’s certain things that when you’re in a studio—I guess for me it’s not always the most creative atmosphere, being that sometimes you’re like, ‘Oh, I want to try this thing that’s probably going to be terrible but I just want to try it.’ And then when you’re in an expensive studio that you know at least somebody is paying a lot for you, you’re like, ‘Yeah, I shouldn’t try it, I shouldn’t waste the time.’ But when you’re just doing it in your bedroom it’s kind of like if you want to try it because you’re on your own it’s like, why not? I’m just playing around in my bedroom. I feel like for me there’s a certain freedom that goes along with that. And also I think we have a certain sort of aesthetic that they’re calling mid-fi these days, which isn’t hi-fi and isn’t really lo-fi—it’s trying not to make things sound too slick.

“It’s just the two of us doing all the stupid stuff we want to do.”

+ Sometimes when I hear things that sound really slick it kind of distances me from that. So I was like, well if I want things to sound not-perfect I can make things sound notperfect. That’s my forte: making things sound not great. E: How has the new album been received by fans? MJ: Great! Better than we ever expected. The album came out the day we left on our [fall] tour. I thought, ‘Well we shouldn’t play too much off the new album because people aren’t going to know it yet.’ When I go to shows I want to hear something I know. But we put about five songs into the set from the album Lightning, and the way people sang along and danced and whatnot I would have thought it had been out for years. That kind of response is all we hope for, is dancing and singing along.


W/ MATT & KIM AND ICONA POP Thursday, FEB. 28 HILTON COLISEUM Show at 8 p.m. | Doors at 7 p.m. FIND TICKET INFORMATION AT Check out both Passion Pit and Matt & Kim’s latest singles at 23




With Colorado and Washington passing amendments to legalize the recreational use of marijuana in this past election, it’s no dispute that the drug is on the rise. *Names have been changed for confidentiality purposes

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The incessant beeping of an alarm clock begins at 6 a.m. each day. Molly* fills her backpack and heads to the campus office where she works until 10 a.m. when she switches over to classes. Come 2 p.m. she is free of lecture halls but has to either return to work or go to the library to do her homework for the night. Molly grabs dinner on her way home, walks into the house and tosses her backpack aside as she settles into the couch, flips on Netflix and announces, “I’m gonna get high.” In the past election, voters in Colorado and Washington legalized marijuana for recreational use, adding to the 24 states that have decriminalized marijuana, legalized medical marijuana or both. Although Iowa has not seen legalization of marijuana on its ballot yet, law enforcement officers from the Central Iowa Drug Task Force and the Iowa State Police Division say it is the most commonly confiscated drug in Ames. Sixty-eight out of 100 Iowa State University students surveyed by Ethos say they have tried marijuana and 37 of those people use it at least once per month. Marijuana is the most commonly used illegal substance in the Ames area. Reports from the Drug Task Force, a multi jurisdictional task force covering Story, Boone and Greene counties, show that 14,740 grams of marijuana were confiscated in 2011. That’s 200 times the amount of cocaine, meth and mushrooms confiscated combined and 67 percent more than was found in 2010.

Legalize High A car pulls down the driveway where Ryan* and his friend anxiously await the night ahead. His friend started smoking pot recently and Ryan’s curiosity was growing. They pack into a car stocked with cold sodas and snacks and head out to the edge of a cornfield. Ryan lifts the bowl, lights it and sucks in a huge breath of smoke.

“I’ve aced tests high, I’ve done job interviews high, I’ve pretty much been high for six years straight—I find it to be more therapeutic than disruptive.” "The first time I smoked, I felt like I had been lied to; everyone said that it was this horrible thing and it really wasn’t. Everyone thinks it’s so intoxicating, but it isn’t. That’s what people don’t understand," explains Ryan. "I’ve aced tests high, I’ve done job interviews high, I’ve pretty much been high for six years straight—I find it to be more therapeutic than disruptive." The pair agrees that the drug itself is not the source of any associated problems, it’s the fact that it is lumped together with more destructive and addictive drugs. Being illegal means users have to go to a dealer who, in most cases, is selling other illegal drugs. When the dealer gets a marijuana sale they are likely to then mention the other illegal drugs on hand and try to spark an interest in the buyer so more money can be made. "When you start dealing with weed, you get involved with a lot of other things too," says Molly. "Weed is a gateway drug, I’m not going to deny it. It leads to the accessibility and connection to other drugs."

smoking etiquette • The owner of the weed in question gets the first hit. • Take one hit in rotation, then pass to the left. • Learn how to use a lighter before you smoke with other people. • Corner the bowl so you don’t burn everything in it at once. • Always tie your hair back, especially when smoking outside on a windy day. • Be appreciative when someone smokes you up. One gram of weed costs $20, just like a bottle of liquor costs $20. • Don’t use a middle man unless you are buying at least an eighth. • Don’t make someone smoke more than they are comfortable with, especially for an amateur.

"I didn’t know what I was doing. I burnt out my chest and couldn’t stop coughing and coughing, but then I pushed down on my chest and it stopped burning. It felt cold. I started looking at everything, the lights, and it was just strange in a way I can’t describe," says Ryan. "I liked it so much I convinced [my friend] to sell me what he had left at the end of the night."

The illegal status of marijuana attaches a stigma of fear and danger to the drug. Molly says she has experienced some discrimination from other students for being a self-proclaimed stoner. She has been at parties where she will smoke and says there is immediately a "shift in the energy of the room," people get nervous and uncomfortable.

• If you are smoking someone else’s weed, offer to contribute if you have some with you.

Ryan is a recent graduate of Iowa State University and has been smoking marijuana for the past six years. Like Molly, an ISU student and former marijuana dealer, Ryan enjoys smoking recreationally. Both believe that marijuana should be legalized for recreational use across the country.

"I think a lot of people associate smoking with dirty, and I get that but it’s not as dirty as smoking a cigarette. People think scums of the earth do it," says Molly. "Be more open minded—[stoners] aren’t less than you. [Smoking weed] is a personal choice, just like drinking or smoking a cigarette."

• Don’t bug someone to smoke if you never provide the weed.

• Don’t complain about the quality of someone else’s weed.


Keep it Criminal A team of undercover officers approach a trailer in an Ames neighborhood, search warrant in hand. The trailer is worn down, unkempt, dirty. The opening of the door reveals a carpet of pest feces and old, moldy food fills the sinks. The officers move cautiously across the room, wary that at anytime they could fall through the floor. The sewage has been broken for weeks and buckets filled with human waste are strewn across the living room. The residents inside don't even notice or care, they are strung out and that's what's most important. This is a typical scene in a day in the life of Sgt. Scott Kickbush, director of the Central Iowa Drug Task Force. Kickbush's job is to crack down on drugs in Central Iowa. He sees it all with large drug busts being at the core of what he does; entering situations like these is why Kickbush believes marijuana is a gateway drug. He has never done a drug search on a house and not found marijuana and related paraphernalia. Through interviews he has done with youth in schools to find the root of drug problems, he finds that most substance abusers start with marijuana, and when that doesn’t cut it anymore they move to something else, something harder. Kickbush believes that if and where marijuana is legalized, growers will still run illegal operations and sell their product under the table to users to beat the market price. This is where the tax argument comes into play. While legalizing marijuana makes it open for taxation, Kickbush has found that for every one legal drug operation, there are 100 more illegal ones.

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“People here just want to sit around, roll a joint and share it with their friends but they don't see how it affects everything.”

“If you want to make money, high-grade marijuana is the best way to do it. You can sell it for $3000-3500 a pound. For the dealers, that’s the biggest draw to it, you can make so much money so fast,” says Kickbush. “That’s never going to change, people are going to undercut people, it’s no different than selling counterfeit bags and jewelry from China out in New York.” For some dealers, that is the only draw to it. The Drug Task Force arrested an ISU student who had never used marijuana but was dealing it in high volume. The student drove to Wyoming every two weeks to pick up the drugs and brought it back to Waterloo to sell it for $5000—a large profit if it was originally purchased for $3000-$3500. He never smoked it; he just picked it up, delivered it to the area dealers and pocketed the money. Kickbush has seen a variety of drug users. In some cases they are controlled by the drugs to the point of not being able to take care of themselves, and in others the people involved just want to sit around and get high with their friends. That’s the biggest difference Kickbush sees between the college students who get busted and the people like those in the trailer with no sewage. Ames has a unique drug culture, different than the situations Kickbush and the task force see in places like Des Moines for two reasons. The first being that generally college students don’t have enough money to start dealing drugs. Dealing marijuana is just like starting a

business—you have to put in money before you can get anything out. The other being the attitude students in Ames have toward marijuana is much more relaxed. “We have this culture that thinks marijuana’s not hurting anyone or anything … People here just want to sit around, roll a joint and share it with their friends but they don’t see how it affects everything,” says Kickbush. “What they have to realize is that there is that percentage of society that’s always going to be there. There are always going to be people that are selling other drugs, and some kids who say, ‘Yeah, I’m going to try that.’ Bam, that’s it, they’re hooked.” This fluctuation in marijuana users is what Kickbush says makes it difficult to legalize the drug. Some people, like most of the students Kickbush has picked up, are mature enough to handle the drug. They are going to school and want to be successful but they enjoy smoking a bowl with their friends after a long, stressful day. But then there is another side to it that Kickbush says those people don’t see: The people who start using it and can’t stop there; the ones that are constantly looking for a new drug, a new high. “There are responsible people with [marijuana] … there’s lawyers, there’s doctors, there’s a lot of professional people that like to smoke marijuana and those people that can ... that’s great for them … But like I said you can’t pass a law that benefits them because they’re mature enough to handle it. How do we pass it for the people that can’t?” explains Kickbush.

Underground Weed-Road The doorbell rings and Molly is off the couch. She slowly opens the door, wipes her palms slick with nervous sweat on the leg of her jeans before taking the box from the mailman standing on the front stoop. The package is addressed to a name she has never heard, but she knows exactly what it is. The aroma of fresh coffee beans fills the basement, covering up what the box is really being used for. But Molly has specific instructions to leave it untouched until the next man arrives. "[Drugs] move around in an underground network and everyone just helps each other ... People who use drugs have to trust each other, otherwise everything would just go to shit," says Ryan.

The network starts with a grower. Growers in export states, like Colorado and California, box up pounds of marijuana and send them to area dealers, like Chicago, Minneapolis and Omaha for example. Those dealers split their inventory into pounds and half pounds that go to smaller area dealers. Half pounds are then split into ounces to sell to dealers that will distribute eighths (about 3.5 grams) to buyers for personal use. “It’s all networking … It’s all about how much trust you can put in some people,” says Molly. “It’s kind of cool to see, [the network] reaches out really far, people don’t even know where their weed starts” This past summer, Molly played a key role in this trickle-down process. Her house would be the one to receive the packages that came from growers in Colorado or California. Twenty pounds of the drug were pushed out of her basement over the course of the summer. The weed was vacuum sealed and packed into boxes with coffee beans to cover up the smell and other items to vary the weight distribution of each box. The boxes were then labeled with a fake name and sent to Molly's house, this way as long as she didn't open the box she would be able to claim that the mail wasn't hers. Then an area dealer would come in to open the boxes. Together, he and Molly would split the pounds and weigh out ounces of weed that would be sold to dealers in Ames who would then sell eighths bags to users. "It's addicting because you can make a lot of money and it's all of a sudden like, woah, just one more run, just one more trip," Molly explains. "That's what happened this summer and it got dirty, but it always gets messy." This may seem like the easiest job to have in the process, but living in the house that is hosting a big drug operation would land Molly in a lot of legal trouble. So when the dealer helping her distribute the weed thought his phone was tapped, she sold what was left and got out. When Molly says messy she's is referring to legal involvement. Making regular and frequent trips to Colorado and/or California combined with bringing large sums of cash to a bank raises suspicion with law enforcement. Dealers have to work with all cash and for those making enough to raise suspicion, money laundering is required to keep their status on the down-low. Molly and Ryan, however, say this hasn't been a big concern for the student dealers they have been involved with. They say many of the dealers just try to break even when dealing


so they can smoke for free, while others try to make a profit but end up spending most of that cash on other drugs or entertainment. Only a small portion of what they make goes to the bank each week, not enough to be reported. Growers in states where some form of marijuana is legal become the export states for the rest of the country. According to Kickbush, most of the marijuana found in the Ames area could be traced back to California until Colorado legalized medical marijuana two years ago. Now 90 percent of the marijuana they find is being tracked to Colorado, presumably because it’s closer. Once the laws are put into effect from this past election and Washington and Colorado are able to produce recreational marijuana, it is likely that the exports from those states will continue to grow, says Carolyn Tyler, communications director and public information officer at the Colorado Attorney General’s Office.

Busted A skunky smell creeps through the cracks of a door and fills the hall of a dorm building, making its way down to the Community Adviser's room. A phone call to the police is made immediately and within a matter of minutes the cops are knocking on the door. A search warrant has to be filed, but when the officers are back with it, someone will be arrested.

Lt. Elliott Florer of the ISU PD is one of the officers that responds to situations such as this one. Whether it’s on- or off-campus two officers will go at a time, one to stay at the site and monitor the residents while the other goes to retrieve a warrant. One officer must stay to ensure that the residents do not attempt to destroy any evidence before the other officer has returned. In the case of on-campus searches, the hall director is a key player. Buchanan Hall Director Michael Davis has had situations like this occur three times in his building during the fall 2012 semester. The outcome is always the same: someone is arrested and taken away. One of Davis' most memorable drug arrests was a student who was denying that he had done anything wrong, forcing the police to retrieve a search warrant. While the student waited with the officer, he needed use the restroom and the officer had to go in there and watch him. "It's an embarrassing situation. The students see them waiting with the officer in the hall or den and then they are arrested and have to come back to the dorm after it's all over," says Davis. "I try to keep the privacy for the resident. Yeah, they were smoking marijuana in the building but that doesn’t make them a bad person. That doesn’t mean we need to ridicule them." After a student is caught they do come back to campus, but it’s not necessarily all over. Every report the ISU PD files can be seen by the Dean

Where is marijuana legal in the United States?

of Students office, which then calls in the drug and alcohol cases and deals with it on a university level. Assistant dean of students Michelle Boettcher explains the process like this: Every student that has been called in for marijuana possession has to have a hearing with the Dean of Students, even if they weren’t charged with anything. The hearing is approached more as a conversation of what happened and then if the student is found guilty they decide on a punishment. For a possession, the consequence usually consists of a period of probation or disciplinary reprimand. In addition to the punishment, the student also has to undergo an assessment by student counseling if they haven’t already done one through the state. “We are just interested in them being responsible for their actions. We want to know what else is going on in their life, what resources we need to get them in connection with and get them protection if they need it from other people who might be affected by it,” says Boettcher. “It feels punitive, but we want the experience to be an educational one, we want to provide them support.” If during the evaluation other issues or concerns are found, the Dean of Students office will put the student in contact with resources that can help them. This can be done through Student Counseling, Mary Greeley or substance abuse programs at places like Youth and Shelter Services. It’s the situations that do require extra help that makes Ryan push for the legalization of marijuana.

Medical Decriminalized BOTH medical and decriminalized Recreational, medical and decriminalized

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“I think in general our drug policy is insane, even with drugs that are incredibly addictive, destructive and have negative health effects,” explains Ryan. “Drug addiction is more a social disease than it is a crime; you can’t punish people and get them to stop using drugs. A lot of times the people who are using really hard drugs feel like victims of the world they live in anyway, they are probably unhappy and sending someone to jail for drug use is really counterproductive, it just repeats the cycle.” That is at the heart of the issues YSS addresses. According to Jill Hill, treatment services associate director at YSS, they have group and individual counseling to help users get to the bottom of why the subjects are abusing. “You can be physically and mentally addicted to THC and no one will agree with you,” says Hill. “Do I think Iowa should move into [legalization]? No, not in the least bit … [The legalization impacts us] greatly. Students want to come in here and argue and debate that it’s not that bad for you … I can’t tell you the number of students who have made comments of, ‘When I get out of school, I’m just moving to Colorado.’” Hill sees ISU students using the services at YSS but hopes to be able to help more students in the future, with having a branch on campus for substance abuse programs and services being the ultimate goal. As Molly finishes an episode of “Freaks and Geeks,” she takes one last drag on the bowl she has been smoking. She puts the marijuana away, brushes her teeth and crawls into bed. She’s going to need a good night’s rest before her 6:30 a.m. wake up call for work and school the following day.

drug dictionary Cornering - Lighting one section of the bowl to prevent burning out the whole thing. Blunt - Marijuana rolled into a cigar wrapper. Bong - Type of water pipe that bubbles smoke through liquid to filter and cool before it reaches the user. Bowl - Chamber where marijuana is packed on any smoking device. Bubbler - A pipe with a water chamber beneath the bowl. Carb - Hole found on pipes and bongs that must be covered while hitting the piece and uncovered to clear smoke from the chamber. Cherry - Marijuana that is burning, making it red like a cherry. Edibles - Baked goods containing THC. Greens - The first hit of a freshly loaded bowl. Grinder - A device used to grind marijuana buds for smoking. Joint - Marijuana rolled into a cigarette paper. Marijuana - Dried hemp plant that you smoke. Synonyms: cannabis, weed, ganja, pot, grass, hemp. Middle man - Person who handles transactions between drug dealers and personal buyers. Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) -The chemical element that produces the “high” from marijuana. Twisted - Being drunk and high simultaneously. Vaporizer - Device that extracts active ingredients of plant material for human consumption to avoid toxic by-products.


Best pets for college students: • Fish • Rabbits & hamsters • Snakes • Rats

Worst pets for college students: • Monkeys • Dogs • Cats • Potbelly pigs


Living situation What kind of space do you have for your pet? Take the anticipated size of the full-grown pet into consideration and make sure it will have plenty of space. If you’ve got roommates, make sure to talk to them about bringing home a pet before it happens to keep everyone happy and the love flowing to the newest member of the household. Double-check your lease to ensure pets are allowed.



Pets are a staple of the American family, but their place in the lives of college students is a little hazy. Whether someone is walking a puppy down the street or someone is flaunting pictures of an adorable new chinchilla, pets are the ultimate source of entertainment. Aside from their fluffiness, playfulness and heart-warming cuteness, pets are personal undertakings that require more than just the T.L.C. their potential owners intend to give them. All pets require time, money and attention, though different animals’ needs var y. John Metcalf, co-owner of The Ark Pet Shop, sees many students in his store and says knowledge of a prospective pet is the best thing to have when deciding to own a pet or not. “You study for classes and tests, so do the same thing for the animal—give them that much respect,” says Metcalf. Here are four things Metcalf recommends considering if you’re looking to parent a pet.

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Free time If you spend the majority of your day in lecture halls or a cubicle, animals that require attention, potty or obedience training may not be your best bet. Some pets need daily exercise, while others need their cages cleaned bi-monthly. Anxiety can strike pets like dogs, cats and rabbits if they’re left alone for too long, so make sure your schedule and pet are compatible. Don’t forget to account for weekend and break schedules as well. Traveling often or going out every night has serious implications for what kind of pet is best for you.


Post-graduation plans Your parents shouldn’t be the only ones thinking about your post-graduation plans. If you’re planning to move in the immediate future, hold off on the pet owning. Your future career should also be a factor you consider; will you be working endlessly after graduation or doing freelance work from the comfort of your home?


Cost Aside from the up-front cost of buying a pet, be sure to research what the average monthly cost might be. Between food, equipment, toys, medications and trips to the veterinarian, pet expenses can add up quickly. Try talking to someone who owns or has owned the pet you’re looking into to get a fairly accurate estimate. If you had trouble coming up with last month’s rent, just imagine having to scrounge up cash when your furry friend needs fixing.


It’s mid-spring semester: That Christmas cash is long gone, bills are still due and spring break is on the horizon. Some major decisions lie ahead, and sorting the crumbs from the change at the bottom of the couch won’t cut it anymore. Should you eat or hit the bars? Or sacrifice both and save that money? The best way for students to save is to have money automatically put into their savings straight from their paychecks, says Doug Borkowski, assistant director of the ISU Financial Counseling Clinic. Easier said than done for cash-strapped college students, right? Rather than selling yourself or putting your social life on hold until you hit PCB, here are some ways you can make some quick cash to fund your spring break shenanigans.

DONATE PLASMA Everyone knows that blood is blue in your body and red when in contact with oxygen, but there is also liquid gold running through your veins. Literally. Donating plasma is best for those who can handle needles and don’t mind saving lives. Plasma is used across the U.S. to treat shock and burn victims as well as serious disorders like hemophilia and immune system deficiencies. Donating is similar to giving blood, but you can’t do both in a short period of time. POSSIBLE PAY: $50 per week, with additional cash incentives and prizes offered periodically TIME: Two hours on the first appointment, 45-90 minutes for each appointment after

SELL YOUR SHIT “We all have stuff we could get rid of on eBay,” Borkowski says. Whether it’s textbooks you thought you might use down the road (even though you probably won’t), or clothes that you don’t wear anymore, now is the time to take action and sell it. Websites like Craigslist, eBay and Amazon make it easy to sell almost anything—just make sure to be honest in posts and to disclose all information up front to make the process as painless as possible.

POSSIBLE PAY: $8–$10 per hour, depending on consumption/collection habits TIME: 30 minutes to two hours, depending on: A) Whether others are recycling at the same place and time; and B) The amount of recyclables you bring in


POSSIBLE PAY: Whatever you think your things are worth, minus at least 25 percent TIME: The time it takes to post an ad, read and write some emails, and meet with buyer(s)

RECYCLE The guys who walk across campus collecting recyclable cans and bottles are on to something. While the five-cent deposit for each can or bottle doesn’t seem like much, those nickels add up over time and can result in some spending money down the road if tucked away securely. Plus, recycling helps the environment. What’s not to love?

You don’t have to stop going out altogether to save money. Check out bar specials when going out, rather than just hitting up your favorite bar. Plan to drink where your tab will be cheapest by the time you’re ready to pay. Most Campustown bars feature daily drink specials, easing the financial burden that drinking can cause. Many groups with spring break plans also go out together while at school, so Borkowski says going out one less night a week or getting together at someone’s house instead can help save everyone some money. POSSIBLE PAY: Varies TIME: None

CUT YOUR SPENDING Aside from saving automatically, Borkowski says that tracking spending for a period of time can make students more aware of their habits, enabling them to make changes that will add up over time. Here’s how: Record all the money you spend in a week or open an account with a web-based finance tracker like to do it for you if you primarily swipe plastic.

After one week, review your spending habits and look for things you can do differently. If groceries are your main expense, try to buy cheaper items and cut back when possible. Cutting out Caribou every day could save you around $10-$20 per week.

Be more conscious of your spending. Ask yourself if what you’re spending money on is worth it or if you would rather have it to spend in a few weeks when you’re sitting beach-side. 31


Expectations between the sexes seldom meet up when it comes to relationships. Or so we thought. Read what two Ethos staffers have to say on the subject. Bradley Cooper, Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling: Three attractive men you may never meet. If you do happen to meet any of them, some of you may freak out. These chiseled men are the standard to which some women hold every man they meet. Both sexes have internal wiring telling them to satiate their hunger for physical contact. Yes, a man’s sex drive and testosterone levels are higher than a woman’s. But does that mean sex is all men want? Certainly not. If you believe the thousands of passive aggressive Facebook statuses or tweets pushing this argument, you are a fool. Men were designed to judge appearance for procreation purposes. Checking a chick out is in our DNA. Now, there are some men that take this

to the extreme and look no further. But do not make the mistake of grouping us all together into one big chauvinistic corral. Take different groups of animals: Some male birds put on colorful displays with their feathers to attract potential mates. We are animals after all, and denying that fact is pretty silly. Say you’re at a bar or party and a guy approaches you. He asks you your major, your interests and who you are there with. Now you have a few options. If you say “I have a boyfriend,” you are jumping to the conclusion that he just wants to get in your pants. Option two: you can engage in conversation with him and continue to chew the fat or walk away There will be some girls screaming “it’s a trap!” Some will be right. But not every man talks to

you just because he wants to take you on the train to pound town later. We assume people want something from us the minute they talk to us: a ride, sex, food, you name it. This is a common mistake. It’s disrespectful to assume that when a guy approaches you to talk it's a sexual advance. The other day, I had coffee with this girl. I am also in a loving relationship with a beautiful woman. How can this be you ask? Gypsy magic? No, we just talked the entire time. I didn’t get sexual with her, I didn’t engage in what I would consider normal courting activities. We simply talked and listened to one another. Sometimes that’s all we want: a friend. Other times we really do enjoy the aspects of a romantic relationship with a woman. I want to take care of my girlfriend when she is sick without babying her. I want to snuggle with her on the couch for a quiet night in every now and again. I want to take her out to dinner, but I’m also a poor college student who would like to be taken out for dinner for a change. Relationships should be about making each other happy, while putting in equal effort. Chivalry is dead? Kiss my ass. It’s not dead; it just got its hair done and goes by the name “expectation.” COLE KOMMA

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Battle of the sexes: It’s game theory. You have a couple going on a date, but neither remembers where to meet. The movie theater or the restaurant? The man assumes the woman will be at one place and the woman assumes the man will be at the other. Our assumptions seldom meet up. That old adage about being an ass is true, yet assumptions still appear in all aspects of life. When it comes to attraction and relationships, assumptions can be the be-all and end-all, blinding our already tunneled vision from what could possibly be great. Playful stereotypes of what one sex expects from the other are portrayed in every medium of the media, imprinting a skewed image in our minds. Love can hurt; it can be your best friend or your worst nightmare. Some of us long for it, some of us hold onto it, some of us dread it. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, you expect

it will find you someday, in some shape and form. (Though we all not-so-secretly hope that form resembles Ryan Gosling, amiright?) The other week I was chatting with my girls, discussing our current dry spells in the love department. “Are our expectations too high?” we asked each other, knowing full well our lengthy laundry list was nearly impossible to meet, from Ames to the end of the world. I’ve been cursed with bad timing—like, leavingthe-country-tomorrow bad—and a fear for anything resembling a formal date. I’ve missed out on some promising opportunities due to this sorted fate, but there’s one man who keeps my faith alive. He’s a half-Jewish, Death Cab-loving teenager who lives in Newport Beach with his best friend Captain Oats. I suppose you could say I have been searching for the better part of my life for my own Seth

Cohen. (And that epic kiss—what guy is going to don a Spiderman mask and kiss me upside down in the rain? Swoon.) It’s also safe to say that my search continues. I’ve been single for long enough—completely by choice, or so I tell myself—to leave me pondering over the qualities I absolutely need and those I can live without. Back in the real, 3D world my expectations materialize in a checklist of more reasonable qualities. Does this mystery man respect my mind and my body? Does he share my sense of humor? Can he act his age yet not take life too seriously? Will he shamelessly jam out to One Direction with me? I think it’s pretty safe to say most girls want someone who can handle the real—pardon me—shit of life, who can be supportive even when he doesn’t know the answer. We need a vent, someone to absorb our heated blows without being judgmental. And sometimes, every once in awhile, we just need a man to clear our minds and relieve our stress. My news feed is filled with complaints of men dropping doors in ladies’ faces or paying for only his portion of dinner. I say to hell with chivalry. I’m not a feminist, but I do believe that every man and woman should be able to fend for his or herself. Drop a door on my face? Well, actually, that’s just kind of common courtesy, so don’t do that. But hey, if I want to eat ¾ of a pizza pie on a first date, I’ll pay my fair share. Financials aside, the list of lustworthy qualities goes on. Having a true passion for your interests is such a turn on. And drive, drive to be something great, whether or not that pans out in the end. It’s OK to not know what that something great is right now, but sitting around on the couch playing video games all day won’t get you very far. (Nor will it get you a date.) Instead, why don’t you take us out for a surprise adventure? Teach us something new about yourself and your interests when it’s all an exciting mystery—after all, isn’t that the best part about dating? ABBY GILMAN


5 awkward situations and how to get out of them BY STEPHANIE THY TRAN DESIGN EMERALD KLAUER PHOTO KAIT MCKINNEY

Awkward situations occur daily. You endure each one, let it pass and tread on, right? Wrong. Next time Mr. Awkward Situation rears his foul head, you’ll be able to bitch slap him across the face with these quick and easy fixes to five common awkward situations we’ve all encountered.

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THE SITUATION: The Wave Sitting on the third floor of Parks Library you see two girls you think you might know waving at you. You politely return the gesture, only it turns out they weren’t waving at you. Shit. THE FIX: Just keep waving. You can wave at a person, a wall, a textbook, anything at all—just commit to it because it’s your only salvation. They thought you were waving at them, but, as far as they know, you weren’t. The only concern is the possibility of you making other people think you’re waving at them and then a chain reaction of awkward waves may entail. But if

they read this article, they’ll know what to do. And hey, every man for himself, right?

THE SITUATION: The New Acquaintance You and your best wingman meet another really cool guy, and you’re hitting it off really well. Then your wingman leaves you to play beer pong and you’re left with this more-or-less stranger. You suddenly realize you don’t have anything to say. THE FIX: If you’ve taken Econ 101, you may know a thing or two about opportunity costs.

An opportunity cost is what you must lose to gain something else. In this case, if you decide to fix this situation, your opportunity cost is making one new friend. If you decide to try and see if you can gain another person in your social circle, your cost is a terribly uncomfortable situation. Let’s assume you’ve made the smart decision. Answer your phone. Nobody calling you? Well, someone is now. Take out your phone, and speak into it saying “Oh, hey! Hold on, let me go somewhere quiet really quick.” Then get the hell out of there. To avoid seeming like more of an asshole, try to excuse yourself first. Then Godspeed.

THE SITUATION: Wrong Class So you’ve overslept. You rush to class, stumble in and sit down. After a minute or two you realize you don’t recognize anyone. And who’s the professor? THE FIX: Stay there. (Unless you have a test in the class you’re actually supposed to be in—then you’re screwed.) Otherwise, take notes like you normally would, answer a question if you feel so bold and ignore the confused stares. If you act like you belong there the people who notice you will convince themselves that you’ve been there the entire semester. Odds are you’ll never see any of them again anyway.

THE SITUATION: You’ve Slipped On Ice That patch of ice literally comes out of nowhere and you just eat it. Bystanders stare at you but don’t try to make a joke out of it or even help you up.

THE FIX: Get up in a really cool way. I’m talking something you’d see from “The Matrix,” “Rush Hour,” or some James Bond shit. Or maybe just an awesome volleyball roll. This may require some practice beforehand. (And don’t forget to practice with a backpack on.) If you just biff it and awkwardly get up or, even worse, just blindly lay there, you’ll make a lot of people really uncomfortable. On top of that, you’ll become “That Guy” or “That Girl” for someone. But if you fall and follow it with some Jackie Chan voodoo, you won’t be awkward, you’ll be awesome.

THE SITUATION: Someone You Avoid Has You Cornered You’re on your way to class when an old acquaintance catches your eyes. Your best efforts have failed; eye contact has been made and confrontation can’t be avoided. THE FIX: You’re late to a class, for work, anything you can come up with. Tell them you have to run, but you’d love to catch up sometime. Have them call you, this way it’s on them to contact you and you’re off the hook if they don’t. Bonus points if you've changed your number.

THE SITUATION: You Let One Rip You’re running your fourth mile on the track, crunching into your 500th sit-up, when all of a sudden you have to let one rip. THE FIX: If it’s just noisy, play it cool. Pretend like you slipped and make more farting noises by rubbing the sweaty palms of your hands against the mat. If it’s silent but deadly, there’s no saving you. Just get out of there faster than the speed of smell.

A nsw er y o u r phone . No b o d y c a lling y o u ? Wel l , someo n e is no w!



how to survive an ALL-NIGHTER




Whether cramming for an upcoming test or finishing a project the night before it’s due, having to stay up all night is just part of the college experience; an erratic, feared rite of passage for those who pay college tuition. Mastering the art of not sleeping or functioning on minimal sleep and not only making it through the next day, but actually getting shit done, is the envy of most students.

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“So go ahead and stay up late typing away at that term paper,

memorizing formulas for your midterm or perfecting the final details of a big design project, just don’t drive or operate heavy machinery the next day."

Z Z Z Mark Berry from the Mercy Sleep Center can give comfort and validation to the occasional allnighter, but not without consequences. A serious lack of sleep over several years can cause high blood pressure, heart disease and complications with controlling diabetes. “The average college student should get between seven and eight hours of sleep,” Berry says. There is no healthy way to pull an all-nighter. However, if it is necessary, be sure to get plenty of sleep the next night. So go ahead and stay up late typing away at that term paper, memorizing formulas for your midterm or perfecting the final details of a big design project, just don’t drive or operate heavy machinery the next day. These tried-and-true survival tips will at least get you through the night.


Caffeine sources: soda, coffee, energy drinks, etc. Snacks that will keep you going all night— preferably a good contrast of salty and sweet— or some money for snack machines. Music is essential. Come with either a laptop or iPod charged and loaded up with plenty of good music to keep you awake. Listening to movies or YouTube videos can help keep you awake too. Comfy clothing is essential. Be wary of clothes that are comfortable enough to put you to sleep, though. You don’t want anything too soft or warm, or putting your head down could lead to some unexpected Z’s. Hair ties can be essential: Even if you start with your hair down it will inevitably end up in a bun or ponytail. Positive attitude. Nothing ever gets done if you think it won’t. Even when faced with the daunting task of not sleeping and being productive after midnight, keeping your eye on the ultimate goal at hand and telling yourself that you can get it done can work wonders.

PREPARATION: Location is everything. The ideal spot has minimal distractions and a comfortable temperature for productivity. Just like with clothes, room temperature has the potential to make or break an all-nighter. Being warm can intensify drowsiness, so a slightly chilly spot is the best bet. Bring everything you’re going to need for the night. You won’t get much done if you have to keep going back home to get things. If you can, remove your contacts. No one wants to peel contacts off their eyes at 4 a.m.


• • •

It’s going to be a bitch. It’s going to suck and you’re going to hit a wall, but you need to push through it. Get up and walk around periodically to keep yourself awake and stretch your muscles to keep the blood flowing. Never do three or more all-nighters in a row. Everything is easier with friends. Ask yourself: Is this worth it? If you absolutely do not have to pull an all-nighter, don’t.

RECOVERY: Sleep. Period. No alarms, just sleep. It’s also important to condition yourself back to a normal schedule. Finally, get yourself a nice treat like a cookie.




Surely one of the most well-known citizens of Ames, Richard Deyo separates himself with one key detail: no one knows him by name, but rather “skirt man” or “Santa.” We spent some time with Richard to get his full story, here’s the first glance. Ethos: What is a day in the life of Richard Deyo like? Richard Deyo: Well I get up every morning, put on my clothes and go to city hall and open the door for people, sort of as like a volunteer. E: Is that your job? RD: I consider it my job, but I don’t get paid. People give their pocket change sometimes … I had the idea of spending the day with people as being a day of work for me, and it is work to be with people for me … I don’t know what kind of job I can do if it’s not spending the day with someone.

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E: Where are you originally from? RD: I was raised in Iowa, I was born north of Chicago.

that go on with nuclear weapons … they are trying to turn computers into humans … I [don’t] like computers anymore.

E: Where in Iowa? RD: Cedar Rapids ‘til I was about 11, Des Moines from 11 until the time I was at Iowa State and when I got out of Iowa State I went back to Des Moines for six or seven years.

E: What did you do after that? RD: They were going to build a nuclear reactor around Des Moines just like Three Mile Island. Before Three Mile Island happened, and there was a lady who had a cousin that was a chief supervisor of a nuclear reactor in Ohio and she heard all the horror stories that go on in nuclear reactors and she decided it was going to be over her dead body that they would ever build a nuclear reactor around her. And so, it’s like, [the Energy Research and Information Foundation] hired me to be an energy librarian and it’s like I know all kinds of things about solar power and windmills.

E: What did you go to Iowa State for? RD: I was planning to be a math teacher, like teach 7th and 8th grade math. But when I was in the freshman English course there, the one that’s required … the first part of the summer [the] term project was to go out and research an area of current political controversy … I ended up being on the one for nuclear weapons and I stumbled across the Bulletin of Atomic Sciences … there was this one article that was like finding all of these dumb things

E: Do you think people misunderstand you? RD: A number of people do … I’m the guy with the cooties. They think I am diseased or that there

is something definitely wrong. There are a lot of things wrong with me, but I think there is something wrong with them for being like that. I feel very alone. I feel very empty. E: Tell me about your clothes: why do you choose to wear skirts? RD: Well I’ve been wearing skirts for a long time you know and it’s like I met a little 4-year-old girl one time who said, “you’re going to be wearing a wedding gown from now on.” And she slapped me on the back of my back while I was laying on the floor and she was like, “you will always wear a wedding dress for me.” … but you know, it is a lot more comfortable … I also like to walk around without my clothes on now and then and I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to say that you have to wear clothes ... I have walked around Ames without any clothes on.

“I think the law should be, I love you, and you love me and all there ever is. I think everybody should love everybody else.” E: Where did you go? RD: The last time I ended up going to the Mercy Hospital in Cedar Rapids’ psychiatric unit. But that’s where the police took me! Well you know, I was greeting people at the post office, I walked from [my apartment] over to where I stand at the post office and I mean it’s like, I didn’t have my clothes on. I sort of stood a little bit in the street and somebody called the police. E: How long were you standing out there before the police showed up? RD: Twenty minutes. Well I mean one time I was spending the day with someone and it was 7 degrees below zero and I was out on 24th Street for longer than that. E: Why were you standing outside if it was that cold, especially naked? RD: Because it’s like I wanted to, because I was spending the day with him, I wanted to make it unforgettable. E: Why do you think you should be allowed to do that legally? RD: I don’t see any love in a law that says you have to wear clothes or you get thrown in jail or the psychiatric unit. You know, psychiatric units are not fun places to be in.

To learn more about Richard’s life, background and condition visit

E: What should the law be instead? RD: I think the law should be I love you, and you love me and all there ever is. I think everybody should love everybody else.


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Ethos Magazine Winter 2013  

Iowa State University student publication covering student life and culture.

Ethos Magazine Winter 2013  

Iowa State University student publication covering student life and culture.