Friday, May 24, 2019 « 9
I set aside yesterday to go shopping. I needed a trundle bed for the small guest room and since I had an open day on the calendar, I decided I would devote it to doing my research, exploring my options, and making a selection. I went to several furniture stores, only to find out they don’t offer trundle beds in the physical location. I couldn’t touch one, jiggle one to see how sturdy it was, lie down on a bed to test its comfort, or see if I like antique wheat better than washed pecan. Unapologetically, the salespeople in each store told me I could visit their website and see a broad selection of trundles online. They didn’t appear to be concerned with job security and I wondered why. How long will it be, I wondered, before we do all our shopping online and all the real live salespeople will be standing in the unemployment line? Will every storefront be converted into a paintball arena or axe-throwing bar? Am I going to have to ask all of my questions via the ever-annoying online chat? Will I be forced to give my email address via those obnoxious pop-ups before I can enter one single site? (I refuse to do it. If a site requires my email address, I skedaddle right on to the next site.) The day will come when the only way we can shop will be via a computer screen. We’ll have to trust that the online reviews aren’t rigged, the measurements are right, and the products we buy will hold up. What if they don’t? I demand free delivery these days but we have to pay to return an item if we aren’t satisfied with our purchase and packing up and returning a 200-pound bed isn’t cheap. With trundle shopping, I had no choice. Even one of the largest furniture stores in the country, owned by one of the richest men in the world and named after my home state (Go Big Red!) only had three trundle beds and two of them were daybeds. I don’t want a daybed. Period. Designed to serve as a sofa when it’s not being slept in, a daybed is too deep to sit on sofa-like, and making a daybed is such a pain in the back-
side, I’m afraid I wouldn’t let anyone sleep on it so I wouldn’t have to make it. I want a true trundle bed and would prefer the trundle to be the pop-up kind so it would be up off the ground and the phrase “crawl into bed” wouldn’t be literal. Resigned to the reality of the 21st century, I went home and got myself set up in front of the computer. Cup of tea, slippers, lap blanket (we’re two-thirds into the month of May; I shouldn’t need a lap blanket!), notebook and pen, a cleared-off place to write notes, and a stack of coupons from various websites, sent via snail mail. I didn’t expect it to take long to complete my mission since I didn’t have to get in my car and drive anywhere. I could visit multiple websites with a simple click of the mouse and be done with it in no time. Not exactly. I spent hours upon hours in front of the screen, visiting a smattering of the 23 million sites offering trundle beds. (Although not all of them had trundle beds, even though they showed up as a result of my search. What a waste of my time! Inappropriate search results should be punished by an inundation of scam phone calls.) I wanted to find the best bed at the best price with free shipping, with lots of five-star reviews and the fewest one-star reviews. (One-star reviews are the bane of my online shopping experience. Read a few of those—and every item for sale online has them—and you’ll never end up buying anything you need.) I knew I could find exactly what I wanted just over the next Internet hill, so I kept clicking. Finally I did find the perfect bed. I was allowed to use an expired coupon and shipping was free. It will arrive in a mere six days (how do they do that?). And that’ll be the end of it. Except for one catch: assembly is required. I’d like to see ‘em do that online! You may let The Thunker know what you think at her e-mail address, email@example.com. © 2019 Sarah Donohoe
Abby Lemirande Signs With Catawba College This week, EPHS senior Abby Lemirande signed a letter of intent to swim for Catawba College in North Carolina. She is shown here with her proud parents, Kim and Tyler. Abby said, “I am extremely excited to sign as it has been one of my dreams for as long as I can remember. I have pushed myself both in season and out to try and get to the place I am now! I plan on majoring in exercise science with a minor in business.” Good luck and congratulations, Abby!