Confessions... Susan Saunders
(What a…) Carry On Cleo… On the tenth day of uninterrupted, all-inclusive bliss on my summer holiday last month in Egypt I sat sipping cocktails, dangling my toes in the Mediterranean sea and wondered if this was the life that Cleopatra had been accustomed to. The cocktail I was enjoying was the sixth drink that had been delivered to me on the beach, without me having to move a muscle. I’d enjoyed my spot on a secluded private paradise beach after I’d finished my breakfast of whatever I’d fancied. I was lying on my complementary beach towel, freshly laundered and pressed that morning. I knew that when my boyfriend had had enough of my “it’s too hot” whimpers he’d insist we return to our upgraded room, which would’ve been cleaned top to bottom, with a new ‘towel animal’ created by our cleaner, Kaled.
Tucking the towel into my larger smalls (the bottom half of the body smalls) he moved on to my back. It was a full-body massage like I’d never had before – seriously amazing. His etiquette was impeccable, which was a relief because I’d been slightly concerned about having a male masseur, rather than a female. He undid the back of my bra as all masseurs do to properly massage my back. I turned on to my back as he shielded my bottom half with the towel to protect my modesty and I settled on to the bed again. Just as I was almost drifting off to sleep I was rudely awoken. I felt quite exposed all of a sudden. That was because he’d only gone and whipped my bra off – the cheeky bumsker! Forget the tucking the towel in to protect my modesty because this was protect-your-modestyI-think-not! I, obviously sat up like a shot, completely alarmed and he looked at me funny as if I was the one not acting normal!
Anyway, enough of all that, you get the general idea – it was heaven!
He asked what the problem was and as the bra was halfway across the other side of the room I couldn’t just grab it back. He insisted it was a classic Egyptian massage. I insisted that I be covered up immediately with a small towel as he’d seen more than enough!
In the spirit of things I decided that I’d go for the ultimate in relaxation by booking myself in for a massage.
The massage ended not long afterwards, thankfully. I just couldn’t relax any longer and I rushed back to my sun lounger to recall my Adam and Eve tale.
My legs were quite tired because the day before we had travelled five hours into Cairo to see all of the sights and Pyramids, which was incredible but included a lot of walking, which as you may have gathered, was something on this holiday we hadn’t been used to!
Massages and holidays are supposed to be enjoyed, not endured, so I figured I’d stick to the previous formula to really enjoy my holiday. Relaxation, sun, fun and cocktails. Be warned my friends. If you ever fancy a massage on holiday – you may get more than you bargained for!
Taking my position at the pearly gates, otherwise known as the massage room, I was feeling very much like the cat that got the cream. Ignoring the masseur’s googly eyes, I stripped down to my smalls and hoisted myself up (derriere facing away from him) on to the massage bed. Up the legs, down the legs, up the legs, down the legs his hands went, paying attention to my long-neglected feet and toes. It was absolutely blissful. The masseur was very good and friendly enough without talking too much as I was enjoying the whale music a lot more.
www.es p m ag .co.u k ( July )
Outfit kindly supplied by Harlequin 22/23 St. David’s Square Fengate, Peterborough PE1 5QA Tel: 01733 896758 / 896039 www.harlequinthepartyshop.co.uk