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OH NO!

CAUGHT IN THE ACT

It’s Steve-O! Steve-O made a name for himself for all the stunts and tricks her performed as part of the RV sries and movie franchise “Jackass”. Steve-O is bringing his brand of humor to the Comedy Catch this Thursday Country powerhouse Eric Church will perform in Nashville on Saturday. through Saturday. Come if you dare. For more info go to thecomedy- With hit singles like “The Ony Way I Know” and “Springsteen there is sure to be a packed house at the Ryman Auditorium. catch.com.

TRENCHES

NO ONE CAN DRAG HER DOWN

Wales singer/songwriter Cate Le Bon hits the states playing gigs in Rock band Pop Evil will be in Chattanooga to play Track 29. The band Birmingham on Friday at Bottletree and Eddie’s Attic in Atlanta on won the Radio Contraband Rock Radio Award for "Song Of The Year" for Saturday. Le Bon is most singled out by critics for her dark lyrical con- "Trenches" in 2013. It’s a show not to be missed. tent and her "haunting voice". ENIGMA

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STEVE-O! Steve-O (a.k.a. Stephen Glover) has become a household name and it all started when he snatched a video camera from his father’s closet when he was fifteen years old. From there he started producing homemade skateboarding videos featuring dangerous stunts mixed with comical behavior. He came to the public’s conscious when he became part of MTV’s Jackass series and movie franchise. In the months leading up to the release of JACKASS 3D he immersed himself in standup comedy, which had been a part-time hobby during the previous four years. Successful performances at prestigious comedy venues such as LA’s Laugh Factory and New York City’s Comedy Cellar led to his current tour performing standup, stunts and bar-tricks across North America, Australia and Europe, which he has dubbed “Steve-O’s Entirely Too Much Information Tour.” This past year he launched his own YouTube channel which he updates frequently adding stunt work and comedy bits. Steve-O has been clean and sober since March of 2008 and lives a

II w w aass w waa ttcchhii nngg yyoouurr nneew w ee sstt oonnee really am. The fact is they would aabboouutt tthhee bbll ooooddyy uunnddee rrw w ee aarr.. rather see me, but I feel like I ‘m some sort of a cartoon character It’s not as hysterical as I thought to people to everybody. it might be, but it’s still someII w waa ss w woonnddee rr iinngg … … ddoo yy oouu aa llw w aa yyss thing. Haappppyy NNeew H w YYee aarr!! HHoow w ddii dd yyoouu ffee ee ll ll iikkee yyoouu hhaavvee ttoo bbee ““ oonn”” ccee llee bbrraa ttee N Nee w w YYee aarr tthhiiss yyee aa rr?? IItt kkii nndd ooff ssccaa rree dd m mee ii nn aa w w aa yy w w hheenn eevvee rr yyoouu’’rr ee oouutt ii nn ppuubbll ii cc??

healthy, vegan lifestyle in the Los Angeles area...but he still has no problem stapling his balls to his leg. Enigma got a chance to catch up with him recently.

“When I was a kid I was pretty sure I’d be dead by the time I was 25.” Meditation. I was in a big packed room and everybody starts meditating silently at 11:45pm until like 12:15am. So, I didn’t do shit! (both laugh)

bbee ccaa uussee yy oouurr ggoo iinngg aarroouunndd tthhee ssee ppee ooppll ee aa nndd tthheeyy ’’rree ll aauugghhii nngg aa nndd waa nnttiinn gg ttoo tt aakkee ppiicctt uurr ee ss aanndd nnoott w ooffffeerrii nngg ttoo ttaakkee yy oouu ttoo tthhee hhoossppii -ttaall oorr ssoom mee tthhiinngg ll ii kkee tthhaatt..

Right, right. It was really more II gguuee ssss tthhaa tt’’ss aa cchhaa nnggee ooff ppaaccee ffoo rr like a social experiment than a prank. And I thought long on yyoouu.. hard whether it should go on my Yeah, it’s my second year in a row channel. I decided I had to put it doing that. Meditation is a big up, man. I’m glad you watched it. That means a lot to me. deal, dude. Every day.

No, I would say in the over the past so many years that I’m finding separation between the Steve-O character and whoever I am. I think I’ve had some moderate success in that department. When it’s time to be on I think I’m pretty good at turning it on. When it’s not time I think I’ve learned a little bit about just chilling out. And that’s good because I’ve never had that ability in the past. Whh eenn yy oouu ddoo ssoo m W mee ooff tthhee ssee ssttuunnttss yy oouu’’vvee ddoonnee ii nn tthhee ppaa sstt tthhee rree ’’ss m moorree tt oo iitt tthhaa nn jjuusstt gg ooiinngg oouutt aa nndd w wii nnggii nngg ii tt… …

Oh yeah. II’’vvee bbeeee nn w waa ttcchhii nngg yyoouurr YYoouuTTuubbee OOnn ee tthhiinngg aabboouutt bbeeii nngg w whhoo yyoouu cchhaann nneell .. YYoouu hhaavv ee ssoom mee iinnttee rreesstt-- aarree iiss tthhaa tt ee vvee rryy oonnee sseeee m mss ttoo bbee TThhee rree ’’ss aacc ttuuaall llyy aa lloott ooff ppll aannnn iinngg?? iinn gg ssttuuffff oonn tthhee rree .. ggllaa dd ttoo ssee ee yy oouu.. It depends. Some cases absoluteCool man, thanks bro. Yeah man, I’m grateful for that. I

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at the car rental place is excited to see me and says, “Let me get you a better car and I’ll give it to you at the same price.” But 100 percent of the time that they do that, it’s always way more expensive because they give me some fucking fast car and then I get a speeding ticket. (both laugh) II ssaa w ww waa ttcchhiinn gg aa NNii ssssaa nn ccoom mm mee rr-- That’s why I love my Nissan ccii aall tthhee oo tthhee rr ddaayy aanndd tthhoouugghhtt ooff Versa. I don’t get speeding tickyyoouu.. IItt w w aass ff oorr ssoo m mee nnee w w SSU UVV ets. tthhaatt iiss ddooii nngg aa llll tthhee ssee nnee aatt ttrr ii cckkss – ee vvee nn ffll yyii nngg ii nn tthhee aaii rr.. W – Whhiill ee YYoouu’’vvee bbee ee nn oonn ttoouurr ffoorr aa w w hhiill ee .. tthhee ttrruucckk w w aass ddooii nngg tthhee ddiiffffee rreenntt ssttuunnttss aa ssuubbttiittll ee w w oouulldd ccoom mee oonn aa Yeah, three years now – and still ssaayy ssttuuffff llii kkee ““CCaa rrss ccaann ’’tt rr ee aall llyy ffll yy going. ddoo nnoott ttrryy tthhiiss aa tt hhoom mee ”” oorr ““ pprroo -ffee ssssii oonnaall ddrrii vvee rrss ddoo nn oott ttrryy tthhii ss aatt W Whhaatt ii ss ggooii nngg ttoo aa SStteevv ee--O O sshhoow w hhoom mee”” .. llii kkee tthheessee ddaa yyss?? YYoouu’’rree nnoo lloo nnggee rr aa tteeee nnaa ggeerr.. AArree yyoo uu m moorr ee iinnttrr oo-ssppee ccttii vvee ?? Oh man, that’s great! ly. In some cases there has been a lot of training and such. In other cases it’s a matter of 1-2-3go. (laughs) That’s been a very useful tool for me – is counting on my fingers. I’ve never backed out of a stunt once I count 1-2-3 on my fingers. I say 1-2-3-go.

II w w aass tthhii nnkkiinn gg aa bboouutt hhoow w bbaadd oo ff aa ssooccii eettyy hhaavv ee w wee gg ootttteenn w w hheerree ppee ooppllee aarree tthhii nnkkiinngg aa bboouutt jjuum mpp -ii nngg ii nn aa nn SS UUVV aa nndd ddrrii vvii nngg ooff ff aa ccll iiffff aa nndd ssttuuffff llii kkee tthhaa tt..

Yeah, I’m almost damn 40. (laughs)

Right. That’s funny man. I was thinking about making a Nissan commercial for my YouTube channel because I drive a Nissan Versa. I think it would be kind of funny. “Here’s the cheapest piece of shit Nissan makes and I love it!” (both laugh) I don’t know if that would be a can of worms or not, but I really do man, I love it. Every time I rent a car I ask for the biggest piece of shit they have. A lot of the times the guy

I know. It really is, man. It’s fucked up. Going to a Steve-O show – it’s filthy comedy and silly tricks and stunts. That’s what it’s about. My comedy – I’m pretty proud of it and I think what sets me apart is my rigorous honesty. If I tell a story – whatever story I tell you – you can best believe that shit happened. I’ve had a truly outrageous experience in life that is rich in content and material. So I tell juicy-ass sto-

TThhaatt’’ss kkii nndd oo ff ssccaa rryy w w hheenn yyoouu tthhiinnkk aa bboouutt ii tt..

ENIGMA

ries – I really do. I keep it juicy and interesting – and it’s a comedy show, man. I make people laugh, dude. It’s a good time and I work pretty hard at it and been working really hard at it. I think just the fact I’m still successfully touring after three years is testimony to the real work I put into it and the good job I’ve been doing.

Well thanks man, that’s a nice thing to say. I really appreciate it. I appreciate that.

II aapppprreecc iiaa ttee yy oouu.. II ccaa uugg hhtt yy oouu ddooii nngg aa ccll uubb aacctt aa nn uum m bbeerr ooff yy eeaa rrss aa ggoo aanndd ii tt w waa ss vvee rryy iinnttee rr-ee ssttiinngg .. II tthhii nnkk yyoouu ssee tt yyoouurr hhaaii rr oonn ffii rree tthhaa tt nn iigghhtt.. Yeah man. Was that in Nashville?

Whhee nn yyoouu w W w eerree aa kkiidd ddiidd yyoouu NNoo,, ii tt w w aass iinn CChhaa ttttaannoooogg aa.. eevvee rr tthhii nnkk yyoouu’’dd bbee ddooiinngg tthhii ss ffoorr aa llii vvii nngg?? Oh… Chattanooga. So this was a long time ago. Thid must have When I was a kid I was pretty been the old show when I was sure I’d be dead by the time I was drunk all the time. 25. (both laugh) I really did. I remember – I think I was eight II tthhiinn kk ii tt w waa ss 22000077 oorr 22000088.. years old. I don’t know why this memory is so poignant for me, Right. This is a different deal but I was like eight years old, now. This is a different tour than which means it would have been that one. like 1983 I think and I was trying myy hhaaii rr oonn ffiirr ee to calculate the year 2000. I was IIff II ttrr iiee dd ttoo ccaa ttcchh m trying to figure out how old I’d be II’’dd pprr oobbaabbll yy bbee bbaa lldd tthhee rr ee sstt ooff myy llii ffee.. ((ll aa uugg hhss)) when it turned the year 2000. m And I did all the math in my head and figured out I would be 25 You know what? I think it’s the years old when it turned the year other way around. I think if you 2000. “I’ll never live that long!” set your hair on fire a bunch I (both laugh) “I’ll never make it to think it’s good for your hair. 25.” Which is pretty sad for a kid mii gghhtt hhaavv ee ttoo ttrr yy ii tt tthhee nn bbeeffoorr ee that young to think he’s going to II m die. I had never thought I’d live ii tt’’ss ttoooo llaa ttee.. ((bbootthh ll aauugghh)).. this long. - Dave Weinthal II’’ m m ggll aa dd yyoo uu hhaavv ee .. YYoouu’’ vvee bbrroouugghhtt aa ll oott ooff llaa uugghhtteerr aa nndd Steve-O will be at the Comedy ssm mii ll eess ttoo ppeeooppll ee.. Catch in Chattanooga January 911. For more info go to thecomedycatch.com

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ARIES (Mar. 21- April 20) Hard work will not go unnoticed. Do something constructive outside. Try to do your job and then leave. Opportunities to get together with friends will be enlightening and entertaining. Your lucky day this week will be Thursday. TAURUS (Apr. 21- May 21) Your changing philosophies may lead you into new circles and open doors that will give you a unique outlook on life. Ease the anguish by offering assistance. A little volleyball or other outdoor sports should be on your agenda. Over spending or unexpected bills could set you back.

voice your opinions. Your lucky day this week will be Tuesday. LEO (July 23-Aug 22) You can make new friends who could turn into intimate connections if you join clubs or take creative courses. Emotional partnerships may develop through projects you initiate. If you’ve taken on a lot of work, be sure to leave some time for yourself and family. Uncertainties about your living arrangements may be unnerving. Your lucky day this week will be Tuesday.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 -Sept. 23) Deal with the needs of children. Your lucky day this week will be Watch for empty promises that may give you false hope. Opportunities Friday. will unfold; however, you must be willing to pay the price. Don’t push GEMINI your mate if you want to keep this (May 22-June 21) Emotional deception is evident. union going. Emotionally, things may not run so smoothly. Opportunities to get Your lucky day this week will be ahead will be evident. Take time to Tuesday. catch up on overdue corresponLIBRA dence. (Sept. 24 -Oct. 23) Your lucky day this week will be Remain calm and you’ll shine. Passion should be your goal. Stick Saturday. to your own projects and by the end of the day you’ll shine. CANCER Concentrate on work or make (June 22-July 22) This day was meant for love. Make changes to yourself. Work on legitcreative changes to your residence. imate financial deals that may Be creative in your pursuits. You enable you to bring in some extra may want to take a look at the per- cash. sonal papers of elders in your family. You can get support from Your lucky day this week will be groups that you belong to if you’re Friday. willing to step out on a limb and ENIGMA

SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22) You can make some favorable changes to your looks. Loss is evident if you don’t consider all the angles. Job changes are in order. Go for interviews or send out resumes. You may find that your anger stems from lending or borrowing money.

ble relationship. Your lucky day this week will be Friday.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 -Feb. 19) Unexpected bills will leave you a little short. Sign up for seminars that will expand your business awareness. Minor accidents could Your lucky day this week will be occur if you don’t take precauSunday. tions. Your health may have suffered due to neglect or abuse. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 -Dec. 21) Your lucky day this week will be Feeling under the weather may be Friday. a result of overindulgence. Someone you like may be receptive PISCES and actively seeking your compa- (Feb. 20-Mar. 20) ny. Get involved in creative groups. You are best to work behind the Risks will not be profitable. scenes on projects that require detail or precision. Be prepared to Your lucky day this week will be meet new lovers through colSaturday. leagues. Exhaustion combined with overindulgence could result in CAPRICORN minor health problems. Your per(Dec 22.- Jan. 20) sonal life will be disrupted if you You may find that you’re being have been too busy with business. used. A trip to visit relatives should be rewarding. Take a look at Your lucky day this week will be investment opportunities. Social Thursday. events will lead to a strong and sta-

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MONEY MANAGEMENT

WHY TAX PLANNING MATTERS TO BUSINESSES Are you a new small business owner? If yes, this could be your first time to hear about the idea of tax planning. This procedure involves the analysis of a financial plan or situation. This is done in the perspective of taxes. This means the financial objectives and solutions are created in respect of the legal duties you need to pay for. Thus, appropriate timing to gain income, to purchase, to select investments and to save for retirement becomes very important. Some business owners get very much focused on marketing their products or services in order to gain a lot of income. Little did they know that it can also be done by fabricating a lot of strategies that are key in keeping your liabilities to a

minimum. These similar tax planning strategies are capable of giving protection to your business and personal assets. Since the amount you need to pay for are controlled and minimized, the assets or funds you have set aside for business or personal use become safe from getting wasted or allocated to paying taxes. More so, the working capital gets bigger and your finances becomes more reliable through thick and thin.

of how to do it legally. with the help of an accounting services provider, there are a number of legal ways by which you can get this done. For one, your taxable income may be distributed among your family members. How is that? By employing them in your business. Make sure to choose employment positions that are fit for their credentials. To keep authorities from thinking that you are abusing this opportunity, give your employed family member the amount of wage that is due to the position he or she holds. The amount of taxes you ought to pay is minimized particularly when family members and relatives under legal age are employed in your business.

When you are self-employed and your business is your main source of income, keeping your taxes at a low and manageable rate is very helpful. More often than not, business owners resort to evasion to get this accomplished. It is because they lack knowledge Moving forward, your taxable income can also be minimized through the declaration of allowable deductions and expenses incurred for the purpose of business. These could be expenses made in order to

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entertain clients, monthly fees to your health plan and retirement plan, educational expenses and donations to charity among others. Effective tax planning can get your finances very stable. Through it your short-term and long-term goals can be met with ease because your expenses are minimized. The amount of money you can save from it may be used as additional business capital. More so, it can be used for investing on other profit generatingopportunities. As you earn more, you can secure the future of your business and your family more. If this is what you are looking forward to, consider getting professional help today. Of course, this would mean paying for professional fee. Just think of it as investment to your bright future.\ - Reece Matthews


Dear Rocco, I always give a lot to my relationships, my husband, family members, and friends. I am starting to resent this because I don’t get much back. I hardly ever get what I really want. What should I do? DW

moorree ffoo rr yyoouu rrsseellff aanndd m m maayybbee tthh ee oo tthhee rrss w wiillll sseeee yyoo uu aallss oo nnee eedd ssoo m mee aatttt eennttiioonn.. Dear Rocco, What makes some people choke under stress? PM

DDeeaarr PPM M DDeeaarr DDW W IIff II kknneew w tt hhee aannssw weerr tt oo tt hhiiss IItt ssoo uunnddss lliikkee yyoo uu ggiivvee eevveerryy-- qquu eessttiioo nn,, II w woo uulldd bb ee aa m miilllliioo nn-tthh iinngg ttoo eevveerryyoonnee eellssee eexxccee pptt aaiirree.. yyoouu rrsseellff.. TT rryy dd oo iinngg aa lliittttllee Dear Rocco, I am a new member of a small, local organization. We have an email group. Occasionally a member will post information that has nothing directly to do with the organization, usually political in nature. These political emails and petitions offend me. They in no way reflect my beliefs and politics. What should I do? JS

iinngg ffuu nn oo ff tt hheem m sshh oouu lldd nn’’tt bb ee aa leave my home area for a while and experience the bbiigg ddeeaall.. broader world. I am confused Dear Rocco, and in a panic because I am I am a single 35-year-old man supposed to close this month. who works at a family busi- PH ness and lives in the suburbs. D eeaarr PPH H Most of my friends have got- D waanntt ttoo bb uuyy tthh ee ten married and are settling IIff yyoo uu ddoo nn’’tt w down with their families. I am hh oouu ssee tt hheenn ddoo nn’’ tt ddoo iitt .. LL iiffee iiss closing this month on a new tt oooo sshhoo rrtt.. TT rryy lliivviinngg iinn tt hhee cc iitt yy waanntt.. W Whhoo kknnoow w ss,, iiff house in my neighborhood. iiff yyoo uu w This is the second time I have yyoo uu ddoo nn’’tt lliikkee iitt tthh eenn bb uuyy tthh ee bought a house in the suburbs hh oouu ssee iinn 66 m moo nntthhss oo rr aa yyee aarr here. The first one I bought aaff tteerr yyoo uurr lleeaassee iiss uupp .. YYoo uu m maayy and sold because I decided to bb ee aabb llee tt oo ssaavvee aa lliittttllee oo nn tthh ee live in the city. I never did hh oouu ssee aaff tteerr yyoouu gg eett iitt oouu tt ooff m.. move there though, and now yyoo uurr ssyyssttee m with my family’s encouragement, I find myself again buy- Rocco is a common sense, telling a house here. The city is a it-like-it-is, no-nonsense kind long commute from here. I of guy offering real advice on would love to rent a loft any subject put before him. there, perhaps have a room- Why pay thousands of dollars mate, and live near the restau- on a high-priced therapist rants and entertainment the when he’ll straighten you out city offers. I have said I was for free. If you’d like advice going to do it for years, but from Rocco e-mail him at never have made the leap. goaskrocco@yahoo.com or Frankly, where I live feels like drop him a line at Ask Rocco home and I am reluctant to c/o Enigma P.O. Box 825 change. I just feel like I should Chattanooga, TN 37401.

DDeeaarr JJ SS HHee llll pp oo sstt yyoo uu rr oo w w nn.. AApp ppaarr eenntt llyy yyoo uu w w oo nn’’ tt ggee tt ffiirree dd.. DD oonn’’tt tt aakkee tthhiinnggss ss oo sseerriioouu ssllyy.. PPoolliitt iicciiaannss nnoo m maatt -tteerr w whh aatt ppaarrtt yy aarree ff uullll ooff sshh iitt aanndd ccaannnnoott bb ee ttrruuss tteedd ssoo ggeett -ttiinngg uu ppsseett oovveerr ssoom meeoo nnee m maakk -ENIGMA

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FORT BRAGG, N.C. - An Army officer stationed in North Carolina revealed pictures of “Gingerbottabad,” a replica of Obama bin Laden’s compound made from gingerbread. The Fort Bragg-stationed intelligence officer, who asked to be identified only as Steve “so I don’t limit my career options,” posted pictures on Twitter of his scale model of the Abbottabad, Pakistan, compound that sheltered the terrorist leader until he was killed by Navy SEALs in 2011, the Military Times reported Thursday. “Some people on Twitter said that’s the most delicious sand table ever, and essentially that’s

what it is,” Steve said of his creation. He said he used four pounds of dough and it took him several days to assemble the resulting 63 pieces of gingerbread into a replica of bin Laden’s compound. “It almost felt like an operation,” he said. “The research took a few days, I hemmed and hawed for a day or two over the scale and process. The baking took place in one day and all the assembly took place last night.” Steve said the replica includes plastic Army men and a model UH-60 to represent SEAL Team 6 and their crashed Blackhawk helicopter during the May 2, 2011, attack on the camp. He said there is still some work to be done before the project is completed. “To the east of the main house

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there’s a garden where I understand [bin Laden] would walk,” he said, revealing the garden would be made from coconut. “I’m probably going to the lavatories on the airplane to break up the UH-60 model a little bit become inoperable,” Hobart said. “We realized we would have to canfor the crash.” cel the flight in order to fix the airPHOENIX - United Airlines said a craft.” United said some customers “blockage in the lavatory” — which a who were to catch connecting flights passenger identified as a soiled dia- in Cleveland were rebooked on difper — caused a Phoenix-to- ferent flights, while 71 passengers Cleveland flight to be canceled. bound for Cleveland as their final Airline spokesman Charles Hobart destination were put up in nearby said United Airlines Flight 294 was hotels for the night and left Phoenix canceled shortly before it was due to the following morning on the now leave Phoenix Monday due to a clog-free plane. Passenger Rick “blockage in the lavatory,” the Milligan said United workers told (Cleveland) Plain Dealer reported passengers there was a diaper clogWednesday. “A blockage occurred in ging the toilet. “After 6 hours of givthe lavatory, which caused several of ing us diaper updates, they finally

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just canceled the flight,” he said. BOSTON - Apparently lesbians and heterosexuals still haven’t learned to get along. A particular New Year’s Eve party got so out of hand that one woman’s toe was bitten off. According to police, the host of the party became upset when the victim (that is the soon-to-be nine-toed lesbian) told her about an altercation with a male partier around 3 a.m. Accusing her of ruining the party, the female host punched the woman repeatedly until the victim attempted to flee. They then continued the altercation in the street. Having wrestled one another to the ground, the fight ended in gruesome fashion when the host bit off the little toe of the victim’s left foot. A friend of the victim drove her from the Dorchester district to the Boston Medical Center for treatment. Officers received a call from the hospital around 5 a.m. reporting an assault and battery. Detectives are investigating the incident, which left both women with scratches on their arms. The victim, whose name was not released, also had scratches on her forehead, neck and chest. The cause of the initial fight was the victim approaching the man’s girlfriend and asking her if she would like to “hook up”. He grabbed her round the neck before releasing her. KUWAIT CITY - A Kuwaiti woman filed for divorce from her husband, citing the “shocking sight” of him using bread to eat his peas, court record state. the Kuwaiti daily alQabas said the court heard the woman was disgusted by the “shocking sight” of her husband using his bread instead of a fork to eat his peas and decided his poor table manners were grounds for divorce, Gulf News reported Monday. AlQabas said the filing followed another divorce where the woman told the

CHARLESTON, SC South Carolina authorities say a 44year-old woman angry at a man for returning home without beer on Christmas beat and stabbed him with a ceramic squirrel. The Charleston County Sheriff’s office says in a report that deputies found a man covered with blood when they arrived at Helen Williams’ North Charleston home. She told investigators the man fell and cut himself, but couldn’t explain why her hands and clothes were also bloody. Deputies say the man said Williams was so angry when he returned without beer because stores were closed on Christmas Eve that she grabbed a ceramic squirrel, beat him in the head, then stabbed him in the shoulder and chest. Williams was charged with criminal domestic violence. It wasn’t known if she had a lawyer. NEW YORK - A man robbed by two The squirrel did not survive intact. men in New York’s Central Park said they returned his cellphone when DULUTH, Ga. - An Atlanta-area the outdated gadget apparently woman says she is appealing her failed to meet their standards. Kevin son’s expulsion from high school for Cook, one of two men robbed by the hugging a teacher. April McNair told duo shortly after midnight Saturday, WSB-TV, Atlanta, that her teenage said one mugger displayed a gun and son’s future will be ruined if he is said he would shoot the victims if expelled from Duluth High School in they made any noise, WINS-AM, New Gwinnett County. Sam McNair, a York, reported Monday. The robbers football player at Duluth, had been took a cellphone, a briefcase and a hoping for an athletic scholarship to wallet containing about $114 cash. college. “We’re not in a financial But Cook said one of the robbers position to put him in a private gave him back his phone. “He just school. If he’s expelled from took a look at it and he didn’t recog- Gwinnett County, no other county is nize it at all. I just assumed that he going to want to accept (him) in couldn’t make any money off of it. school. So you are derailing his So he handed it back to me and a future for him,” April McNair said in minute later I was able to call 911 a report broadcast Tuesday. The and get the whole thing started,” teacher filed a sexual harassment Cook said. Cook said there turned complaint against Sam, 17. He says he out to be an upside to his outdated hugged her several times in the past 2010 LG Quantum. “It’s like, finally a and believes that if she had a probpro for having something out of lem with it she should have talked to date,” he said. The robbers were him or his parents before filing the described as a black man and a complaint. Both mother and son said their family hugs a lot. Hispanic man, both in their 20s. court her husband insisted on squeezing the toothpaste out from the middle of the tube. “We are always arguing,” she was quoted as saying. “I keep telling him that he should squeeze in the end of the tube, but he stubbornly refuses and keeps squeezing it in the middle. He is so obstinate.” Another recent divorce involved a man deciding to end his marriage when his wife refused to bring him a glass of water, saying it was a job for their domestic helper. A Kuwaiti legal expert told al-Qabas divorces in the country often result from couples being unable to accept one another’s habits. The expert said couple’s should take time to get to know one another prior to their marriages so they avoid unpleasant surprises later that could lead to divorce.

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MIAMI - A Florida man who tried to trade a live alligator for beer at a convenience store said he didn’t know trapping the gator was illegal. Police said Fernando Caignet Aguilera, 64, brought the 4-foot alligator in a cardboard box to the Santa Ana Market in Miami’s Allapattah neighborhood Dec. 10 and asked clerk Javier Herrera to accept the reptile in exchange for a 12-pack of beer, CNN reported Wednesday. Herrera told WFOR-TV, Miami, he told Aguilera to leave, and the man attempted to make the same trade with a customer. Aguilera said he found the alligator shortly before the incident and didn’t know it was illegal to trap the animal. “I just picked it up here,” Aguilera said. “I seen it here in the grass and I tied it up.” He said he wasn’t going to accept just any beer in exchange for the gator. “I wanted a Corona, because if he brings me a Natural Light or something like that I don’t want it. I want a Corona, because the alligator is so beautiful,” he said. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission cited Aguilera for three charges related to the illegal capture of the alligator. He faces as much as six months in jail or a $500 fine if convicted. The FWC said the alligator was released into the wild. WISCONSIN - In Wisconsin a postal carrier said he simply wanted to cheer up a woman on his rounds who seemed “stressed out” so he decided to deliver her mail naked. He even told her he was going to do it. As a prank, I suppose. But whether she took him seriously or not, there was no doubting his sincerity when he showed up at her office wearing only a smile and his mail bag. Those wacky letter carriers. The 52-year-old was arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior several days later.


BBO OTTTTLLEE TTRREE EE (Birmingham) Royal Bangs, Bad Signs FF RRA AN NK K LLIIN N TTH HEE A ATTRREE (Franklin) Travis Tritt

TT U UEESSD DA AYY JJaa nnuu aarryy 1144

This week’s calendar covers events from Thursday, January 9, through Wednesday, January 15. We would be happy to publish your free listing in future Billboards, space permitting. Simply mail us the information so that we have it 7 days before the publication date. A photograph may be sent with the announcement. Send information to: Calendar Editor, Enigma, P.O. Box 825, Chattanooga, TN 37401 or e-mail to calendar@enigmaonline.com. All dates subject to change without notice.

TT H HU URRSSD DA AYY JJ aannuuaa rryy 99 CCO OM MEE D DYY CCAATTCCH H Steve-O BBU UD D’’ SS DJ Hammer TTRREE M MO ON NTT TTAA VVEERRN N Songwriters Showcase SSIIN NG G II TT O ORR W W IIN NG G IITT Karaoke VVA AU UD DEE VVIILL LLEE CCAAFF EE “Mystery at the TV Talk Show” BBA ARRTT’’ SS LLAAK K EE SSH HO ORREE Open Mic CCA AM MPP H HO OU U SSEE Open Mic SSK KYYZZ O OO O Karaoke ARRII ’’SS H A HAARRBBO ORR LLII G GH HTTSS Keyz Brown LLO OSS RREE YYEE SS ((Ringgold) Thirsty Thursdays w/ DJ Scubasteve RRH HYYTTH HM M && BBRR EEW W SS Johnette Napalitano SSU UG GAARR’’ SS Jonathan Wimpee HO H ON NEE SSTT PP IIN NTT Vagabond Philosophy, The Vino Takes TTIIVVO OLLII TTH HEEAA TTRREE Chattanooga Symphony & Opera: Beethoven’s 7th WO W ORRK K PPLLAA YY TTH HEEAA TTRREE (Birmingham) Queensryche BBIIJJ O OU U TTH HEE AATTRREE (Knoxville) Steep Canyon Rangers PPH HIILLII PPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Jeff Dunham

FFRRIID DA AYY JJaa nnuu aarryy 1100 CCO OM MEE D DYY CCAATTCCH H Steve-O RRH HYYTTH HM M && BBRR EEW W SS Machines Are People Too, The Nim Nims, The Average SSIIN NG G II TT O ORR W W IIN NG G IITT Karaoke BBA ARRTT’’ SS LLAAK K EE SSH HO ORREE DJ E VVA AU UD DEE VVIILL LLEE CCAAFF EE “Mystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding” TTH HEE PPAALLM MSS DJ TTH HEE TTAA VVEERR N N (Soddy-Daisy) Karaoke w/ Choo Choo Entertainment BBEE EEFF O O’’ BBRRAAD DYY’’ SS (Ooltewah) Karaoke w/ RCB Entertainment SSU UG GAARR’’ SS Power Players TTRREE M MO ON NTT TTAA VVEERRN N Old Time Music SSLLU UG GG GO O’’ SS Mystery Twins, The Volts, Will Hastings, Lewis Oehmig CCO OBBBB EE N NEERR G GYY PPEE RRFFO ORRM MII N NG G AA RRTTSS CCEEN N-TTEERR (Atlanta) Travis Tritt CCEEN NTTEE RR SS TTAAG GEE (Atlanta) Queensryche FFO OXX TTH HEEAA TTRR EE (Atlanta) The Allman

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Brothers Band, Trace Adkins, Jackson Browne, Eric Church, Natalie Cole, Brantley Gilbert, Warren Haynes, John Hiatt, Jaimoe’s Jasssz, Taj Hahal, Keb’ Mo’, Martina McBride, Pat Monahan, Sam Moore, Robert Randolph, Susan Tedeschi, Derek Trucks, Don Was, Widespread Panic BBO OTTTTLL EETTRR EEEE (Birmingham) Cate Le Bon, Kevin Morby MEE RRCCYY LL O M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) Johnette Napalitano

SSA ATTU U RRD DA AYY JJ aannuu aarryy 1111 CCO OM MEE D DYY CCA ATTCCH H Steve-O RRH HYYTTH HM M && BBRREE W W SS The Machine SSIIN NG G IITT O ORR W W IIN NG G IITT Karaoke BBA ARRTT’’ SS LLA AK K EESS H HO ORR EE DJ E VVA AU UD DEE VVIILL LLEE CCA AFF EE “Mystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding” TTRR A ACCK K 2299 Abbey Road Live! SSU UG GA A RR’’SS SRO Band TT-- BBO ON NEE’’ SS Duane Cliatt KN K NO OXXVVIILL LLEE A AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M && CCO OLLIISS EEII U UM M (Knoxville) Jeff Dunham RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Eric Church EED DD DIIEE ’’SS A ATTTTII CC (Atlanta) Cate Le Bon RREED D LL IIG GH HTT CCA AFF ÉÉ (Atlanta) Chuck Mead, Angie Aparo, Kevn Kinney

SSU UN ND DA AYY JJ aannuuaa rryy 1122 CCO OM MEE D DYY CCA ATTCCH H D.J Lewis SSIIN NG G IITT O ORR W W IIN NG G IITT Karaoke VVA AU UD DEE VVIILL LLEE CCA AFF EE Live Band Karaoke DO D OU U BBLLEE H HIILL LL BB IILLLL IIA ARRD DSS Open Mic BBEEEE FF O O’’BB RRA AD DYY’’SS Karaoke w/ RCB Entertainment ARRII’’ SS H A HA ARRBBO ORR LLIIG GH HTTSS Keyz Brown TTRR A ACCK K 2299 Pop Evil HO H ON NEE SSTT PPII N NTT The Bumper Jackson, The 9th Street Stompers MEE M M MO ORRIIA ALL A AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M The Fresh Beat Band EED DD DIIEE ’’SS A ATTTTII CC (Atlanta) Iris DeMent

MO M ON ND DA AYY JJ aannuuaarr yy 1133 SSIIN NG G IITT O ORR W W IIN NG G IITT Karaoke RRA AW W DJ Spicolli TTRR EEM MO ON NTT TTA AVVEE RRN N Trivia Night TTH HEE O OFF FFIICCEE SpeakEasy FFO OXX && H HO OU UN ND D DJ Exphacter ON O NEE --EE LLEE VVEE N N (Lafayette) CSA Writers Night

JANUARY 9 2014

12

TTH HEE BBIIG G CCH HII LLLL Karaoke w/ Chris of Alternative Images RRA AW W DJ Spicolli JJ EEFF FF EERRSS O ON N’’ SS Kamakazi Karaoke SS IIN NG G IITT O ORR W WII N NG G IITT Karaoke TTRREE M MO ON NTT TTA AVVEE RRN N Open Mic w/ Mike McDade SS U UG GA ARR’’ SS Tim Starnes & friends TTII VVO OLL II TTH HEE A ATTRREE Shen Yun 2014 World Tour II RRO ON N CCIITTYY LL IIVVEE (Birmingham) B.B. King

WEED W DN NEESSD DA AYY JJaannuu aarryy 11 55 RRA AW W Open Jam w/ Jonathan Wimpee and friends SS IIN NG G IITT O ORR W WII N NG G IITT Karaoke FF A AN NA ATTIICCSS Karaoke w/ DJ Hammer PPLL A AYYO OFF FFSS SSPPO ORR TTSS BBA A RR Karaoke w/ Captain Karaoke DO D OU UBB LLEE H HIILLLL BBII LLLLII A ARRD DSS Karaoke LL A ASS M MA A RRG GA ARRII TTA A’’ SS Priscilla & Little Rickee BBA A RRTT’’ SS LL A AK KEE SSH HO ORREE Karaoke w/ Choo Choo Entertainment SS M MO OK K EEYY BBO ON NEE SS Wild’n Out Wednesdays W/ DJ ScubaSteve FF O OXX && H HO OU UN ND D Karaoke w/ Choo Choo Entertainment A RRII’’ SS H A HA A RRBBO ORR LL IIG GH HTTSS Keyz Brown TTH HEE TTA AVVEE RRN N (Soddy-Daisy) Roberts & Sims HO H ON NEESS TT PPIIN NTT Wilkesview RRH HYYTTH HM M && BBRREE W WSS Drake White, The Big Five SS U UG GA ARR’’ SS Dan Sheffield JJ A ACCK KA A’’ SS CCH HO OPP SSH HO OPP SS AALL O OO ON N Wayland, Stoneline VVA A RRIIEE TTYY PPLL A AYYH HO OU USS EE (Atlanta) Leon Russell, Hot Tuna EE D DD DII EE’’ SS A ATTTTIICC (Atlanta) Fred J. Eaglesmith WO W ORRK KPP LLA AYY TTH HEE A ATTRREE (Birmingham) The Wailers HIIG H GH HW WA ATTTT (Nashville) Royal Bangs, Bad Signs

UPPCC O U OM M IIN NG G EEVVEEN NTTSS TTRRAA CCK K 2299 Emancipator January 16 RRH HYYTTH HM M && BBRR EEW W SS Of Montreal, Wild Moccasins January 16 HO H ON NEE SSTT PPIIN N TT Moseley, Medicine Tree January 16 SS U UG GAARR’’ SS The Loop January 16 BBLL IIN ND DW WIILL LLIIEE ’’SS (Atlanta) Lil’ Ed & the Blues Imperials January 16 TTH HEE EEAA RRLL (Atlanta) The Paul Collins Beat, Parasite Diet, Vito January 16 TTRRA A CCK K 2299 Blackberry Smoke, The Delta Saints January 17 SS U UG GAARR’’ SS Skin Deep January 17


PPO OK KEE YY’’SS (Cleveland) Convertibull January 17 EE D DD D IIEE ’’SS AATTTTII CC (Atlanta) Lucy Kaplansky January 17 TTH HEE 112200 TTAA VVEERR N N (Marietta) Shooter Jennings January 17 WII LLD W D BBIILL LL’’ SS (Duluth) Saving Abel, Three Years Hollow January 17 N VV N N N IIG GH HTTCCLL U UBB (Knoxville) Emancipator January 17 WO W ORRK K PPLLAA YY TTH HEEA ATTRR EE (Birmingham) Against Me! January 17 TTIIVVO OLLII TTH HEEAATTRREE Don Williams January 18 JJ..JJ ..’’ SS BBO OH HEEM M IIAA Those Darlins January 18 SSU UG GA ARR’’ SS Soul Survivor January 18 VVA ARRII EETTYY PP LLAAYYH HO OU USS EE (Atlanta) The Grapes January 18 TTEE RRM MII N NAA LL W W EESS TT (Atlanta) Earphunk January 18 CCO OBBBB EE N N EERRG GYY PP EERRFF O ORRM M IIN NG GA ARRTTSS CCEEN N -TTEERR (Atlanta) Billy Gardell January 18 CCEE N NTTEE RR SS TTAA G GEE (Atlanta) AFI January 18 SSYYM M PPH HO ON NYY H HAA LLLL (Atlanta) Chuck Leavell, Gregg Allman, Jimmy Hall, Robert McDuffie, Randall Bramblett January 18 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND D SSLLEE YY (Nashville) Melissa Manchester January 18 CCA AN NN N EERRYY BBAALLLL RRO OO OM M (Nashville) Emancipator January 18 BBA ARR K KIIN NG G LLEE G GSS TTH HEE A ATTEERR The John Cowan Band January 19 HO H ON NEE SSTT PP IIN N TT Endelouz, Dark Horse Ten January 19 TTEE N NN N EE SSSSEE EE TTH HEEA ATTRR EE (Knoxville) Bill Cosby January 19 EE D DD D IIEE ’’SS AATTTTII CC (Atlanta) Grant Lee Phillips January 19 M EERRCCYY LLO M OU UN NG GEE (Atlanta) Against Me! January 19 TTIIVVO OLLII TTH HEEAATTRREE Tedeschi Trucks Band January 21 HO H ON NEE SSTT PP IIN N TT kidDEAD, Kids From Across The Street, Stoop Kids January 22 EE XXIITT//IIN N (Nashville) New Politics, Magic Man, Sleeper Agent January 22 HO H ON NEE SSTT PP IIN N TT Asian Teacher Factory, Monomath January 23 TTIIVVO OLLII TTH HEEAATTRREE NPR From the Top January 23 BBIIJJ O OU U TTH HEE AATTRREE (Knoxville) Big Head Todd & the Monster January 23 WO W ORRK K PPLLAA YY TTH HEEA ATTRR EE (Birmingham) Paper Diamond January 23 SSCCH HEE RRM M EERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM M PPH HO ON N YY CCEEN N TTEE RR (Nashville) Kathleen Madigan January 24 RRYYM M AAN N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Charley Pride January 24 TTH HEE LLO OFFTT (Atlanta) Cody Simpson, Plug In Stereo January 24 CCH HAAM M EELL EEO ON N CCLLU U BB (Atlanta) Break Science January 24 N VV N N N IIG GH HTTCCLL U UBB (Knoxville) Paper Diamond January 24 WO W OO OD D SSO ON NG GSS CCO OFFFF EEEE H HO OU USS EE (Dalton) The Rigneys, Lon Eldridge January 25 M AARRAATTH M HO ON NM MU USS IICC W WO ORR K KSS (Nashville) AFI January 25 AN A N TTH HEEM M (Nashville) Paper Diamonds January 25 GRRAAN G ND DO OLLEE O OPPRRYY H HO OU U SSEE (Nashville) The Greencards January 25

TTEERRM M IIN N AALL W WEE SSTT (Atlanta) Connor Christian & Southern Gothic, Sonia Leigh January 25 HO H ON N EE SSTT PPII N NTT Molly Maguires January 26 VVA ARRIIEE TTYY PPLL AAYYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) Amy Ray January 26 CCO OBB BB EE N NEE RRG GYY PPEE RRFF O ORR M MII N NG G AA RRTTSS CCEE N N -TTEERR (Atlanta) The Midtown Men January 26 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND DSS LLEE YY (Nashville) Big Head Todd & the Monster January 26 MEE RRCCYY LL O M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) Cody Simpson, Plug In Stereo January 26 TTH HEE M M AASS Q QU U EE RRAAD D EE (Atlanta) Falling In Reverse, Escape the Fate, Chelsea Grin, Survive This! January 27 VVIIN N YYLL (Atlanta) Nipsey Hustle January 28 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY LL IIVVEE (Birmingham) Neko Case, Thao & the Get Down Stay Down January 28 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 Umphrey’s McGee January 29 MCCK M K EEN N ZZ IIEE AARREE N N AA Zac Brown Band January 29 HO H ON N EE SSTT PPII N NTT Tab Spencer, Hot Damn January 29 SSCCH HEERR M MEE RRH HO ORRN N SSYYM M PPH HO ON NYY CCEE N N TTEERR (Nashville) Mary Chapin Carpenter January 29 EED DD D IIEE ’’SS AATTTTIICC (Atlanta) Robyn Hitchcock January 29 PPIILLO OTT LL IIG GH HTT (Knoxville) Thao & the Get Down Stay Down January 29 HO H ON N EE SSTT PPII N NTT The Kernal and His New Strangers, Christian Lee Hutson January 30 TTIIVVO OLLII TTH HEE AATTRREE Chattanooga Symphony & Opera: All Brahms January 30 CCO OBB BB EE N NEE RRG GYY PPEE RRFF O ORR M MII N NG G AA RRTTSS CCEE N N -TTEERR (Atlanta) Aaron Neville, Dirty Dozen Brass Band January 30 TTIIVVO OLLII TTH HEE AATTRREE Black Jacket Symphony: Led Zeppelin’s House of the Holy January 31 TTH HO OM M PPSS O ON N --BB O OLL IIN NG G AARREE N NAA (Knoxville) Keith Urban, Little Big Town, Dustin Lynch January 31 MAA RRAATTH M HO ON NM MU U SSII CC W WO ORRK K SS (Nashville) Moe January 31 FFRRA AN NK K LLIIN N TTH HEE AATTRREE (Franklin) Art Garfunkel January 31 OPP EERRAA (Atlanta) Passion Pit January 31 O BBRRIID DG GEESS TTO ON N EE AARREE N N AA (Nashville) Keith Urban, Little Big Town, Dustin Lynch February 1 TTEERRM M IIN N AALL W W EESSTT (Atlanta) Paper Diamond February 1 BBU UCCK KH HEE AAD D TTH HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Kristian Bush, Larkin Poe February 1 TTEEN NN N EESS SSEE EE TTH HEE AATTRREE (Knoxville) Queens of the Stone Age February 1 RRYYM M AAN N AAU UD DII TTO ORRII U UM M (Nashville) Jake Bugg February 1 EEXX IITT//II N N (Nashville) The Whigs February 1 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND DSS LLEE YY (Nashville) The Black Lillies February 1 RRYYM M AAN N AAU UD DII TTO ORRII U UM M (Nashville) The Pixies, Cults February 2 TTH HEE M M AASS Q QU U EE RRAAD D EE (Atlanta) Nonpoint, Scorpion Child February 2 TTH HEE TTAA BBEERRN N AACCLL EE (Atlanta) The Pixies, Cults February 4

ENIGMA

CCEE N N TTEERR SSTTAAG GEE (Atlanta) Skinny Puppy February 4 RRYYM MAA N N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Neutral Milk Hotel February 4 EEXXII TT//IIN N (Nashville) Zach Deputy February 4 TTEE N NN NEE SSSS EEEE TTH HEE AATTRREE (Knoxville) Jonny Lang February 4 PPH HII LLIIPPSS AARR EEN N AA (Atlanta) Kings of Leon, Gary Clark Jr. February 5 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Corey Smith February 6 TTRR A ACCK K 22 99 Eli Young Band February 7 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Panic! At the Disco February 7 TTH HEE M M AASSQ QU U EERR AAD D EE (Atlanta) Yellowcard February 7 BBO OII SSFF EEU U IILLLL EETT JJO ON N EESS CCIIVVIICC CCEE N N TTEERR (Atlanta) Katt Williams February 7 VVA A RRIIEE TTYY PPLLAA YYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) Angelique Kidjo February 7 TTH HEE EE AARRLL (Atlanta) Sebadoh February 7 RRIIA ALL TTO O CCEE N N TTEERR FFO ORR TTH HEE AA RRTTSS (Atlanta) Art Garfunkel February 7 BBRRIID DG GEE SSTTO ON N EE AARREE N N AA (Nashville) Kings of Leon, Gary Clark Jr. February 7 D && LL IIN 33RRD ND DSS LLEEYY (Nashville) Suzy Boggus February 7 GRRAA N G ND DO OLL EE O OPPRR YY H HO OU U SSEE (Nashville) Dierks Bentley February 7 MEE RRCCYY LLO M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) Man Man February 7 RRYYM MAA N N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Lewis Black February 8 SSCCH HEERRM M EE RRH HO ORR N N SSYYM M PPH HO ON N YY CCEE N N TTEERR (Nashville) Jonny Lang February 9 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY LLII VVEE (Birmingham) Trey Anastacio February 9 BBO OTTTTLLEE TTRREE EE (Birmingham) Sebadoh February 10 MEE RRCCYY LLO M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) Ash, Deaf Havanan February 10 NVV N N N IIG GH HTTCCLLU U BB (Knoxville) Chimaira, Iwrestledabearonce, Oceano, Fit For An Autopsy, Reflections February 11 SSYYM MPP H HO ON N YY H HAALLLL (Atlanta) Buddy Guy February 13 VVA A RRIIEE TTYY PPLLAA YYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) Dave Mason February 13 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Lauryn Hill February 13 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY LLII VVEE (Birmingham) Black Joe Lewis & the Honey Bears February 13 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Trey Anastacio February 14 SSCCH HEERRM M EE RRH HO ORR N N SSYYM M PPH HO ON N YY CCEE N N TTEERR (Nashville) Kenny Rogers February 14 D && LL IIN 33RRD ND DSS LLEEYY (Nashville) Edwin McCain February 14 BBIIJJO OU U TTH HEEAA TTRR EE (Knoxville) Black Joe Lewis & the Honeybears February 14 HAA RRRRAAH H H’’ SS CCH HEE RRO OK KEE EE CCAA SSIIN NO O (Cherokee) REO Speedwagon February 14 JJ..JJ..’’ SS BBO OH HEE M M IIAA The Whigs February 15 TTRR A ACCK K 22 99 Steep Canyon Rangers February 15 BBJJCCCC A ARR EEN N AA (Birmingham) Lady Antebellum, Kip Moore, Kacey Musgraves February 15 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Flogging Molly February 15

JANUARY 9 2014

13

JANUARY 9-11

STEVE-O

STEVE-O (A.K.A. STEPHEN GLOVER) HAS BECOME A HOUSEHOLD NAME AND IT ALL STARTED WHEN HE SNATCHED A VIDEO CAMERA FROM HIS FATHER'S CLOSET WHEN HE WAS FIFTEEN YEARS OLD. FROM THERE HE STARTED PRODUCING HOMEMADE SKATEBOARDING VIDEOS FEATURING DANGEROUS STUNTS MIXED WITH COMICAL BEHAVIOR. EVENTUALLY, STEVE-O'S VIDEOS MADE IT INTO THE HANDS OF JEFF TREMAINE (JACKASS CREATOR/DIRECTOR/PRODUCER) WHO WAS WORKING WITH JOHNNY KNOXVILLE TO CREATE A STUNT BASED REALITY SHOW. THE REST IS HISTORY. MTV AIRED THE FIRST SEASON OF JACKASS IN 2000. IN 2001, STEVE-O LAUNCHED HIS OWN "STEVE-O DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME TOUR", ESTABLISHING HIMSELF AS AN ACCOMPLISHED STAGE PERFORMER, AT VENUES THROUGHOUT THE U.S. AND IN A DOZEN COUNTRIES.

JANUARY 16-19

MATT MITCHELL

MATT MITCHELL IS A PURE SOUTHERN MASH BOOGIE COMEDIAN FROM ALABAMA WITH BAREFEET, MUSH-MOUTHED DRAWLING AND A MILE-WIDE SOCIAL STREAK. KINDA LIKE LYNYRD SKYNYRD AS A STAND-UP COMIC... ONLY FATTER. MATT GOT HIS START AS THE "CASIO KID" ON THE NATIONALLY SYNDICATED RICK AND BUBBA RADIO SHOW. AFTER HIS HIT REALITY TV SHOW, "THE FATCHELOR" ROCKED THE AIRWAVES OF THE TURNER SOUTH CHANNEL HE LOADED UP THE TRUCK AND MOVE TO BEVERLY... HILLS THAT IS.... WAIT... ACTUALLY IT WAS HOLLYWOOD. MATT HAS SINCE BEEN SEEN ON THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO, MTV AND LAST COMIC STANDING, ALONG WITH NUMEROUS COMMERCIALS AND MUSIC VIDEOS.

FOR UPDATES, DISCOUNTS AND FREE TICKETS, TEXT COMEDYCATCH TO 99000

3223 BRAINERD RD.423.622.2233 WWW.THECOMEDYCATCH.COM


W IILLD W DH HO ORRSS EE SSAALL O OO ON N (Nashville) Rick Springfield February 15 SSCCH HEE RRM M EERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM M PPH HO ON N YY CCEEN N TTEE RR (Nashville) Kenny Rogers February 15 BBIIJJ O OU U TTH HEE AATTRREE (Knoxville) Edwin McCain February 15 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 Lettuce, The Floozies February 16 CCO OBBBB EE N N EERRG GYY PP EERRFF O ORRM M IIN NG GA ARRTTSS CCEEN N -TTEERR (Atlanta) Craig Ferguson February 16 M EERRCCYY LLO M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr., Chad Valley February 17 HIIG H GH HW WAA TTTT (Nashville) Sebadoh February 17 JJU U PPII TTEE RR O ON N TTH HEE SSTTRRII PP (Tuscaloosa) Lettuce, The Floozies February 17 TTH HEE EEAARR LL (Atlanta) Cibo Matto February 17 TTEE RRM MII N NAA LL W W EESS TT (Atlanta) Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr., Chad Valley February 18 RRYYM M AAN N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Scotty McGreery February 18 PPIILL O OTT LLIIG GH HTT (Knoxville) Sebadoh February 18 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY LL IIVVEE (Birmingham) Dark Star Orchestra February 18 W AARR M W M EE M MO ORRII AALL A AU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Buddy Guy, Robert Randolph & the Family Band February 20 RRYYM M AAN N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Jennifer Nettles February 20 AN A ND D RREEW W JJ AACCK KSS O ON NH HA ALL LL (Nashville) Tony Bennett February 20 TTH HEE EEAARR LL (Atlanta) Drag the River, Chris Wollard & the Ship Thieves February 20 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY LL IIVVEE (Birmingham) Brett Dennen February 20 FF O OXX TTH HEEAATTRREE (Atlanta) Robin Thicke, Jessie J, DJ Cassidy February 21 PPH HIILL IIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Demi Lovato, Fifth Harmony, Little Mix February 21 CCO OBBBB EE N N EERRG GYY PP EERRFF O ORRM M IIN NG GA ARRTTSS CCEEN N -TTEERR (Atlanta) Amy Schurmer February 21

EED DD D IIEE ’’SS AATTTTIICC (Atlanta) Scott Miller February 21 MEE RRCCYY LL O M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) The Black Angels, Roky Erickson February 21 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND DSS LLEE YY (Nashville) Brett Dennen February 21 TTH HEE TTAA BBEERRN N AACCLL EE (Atlanta) Young the Giant, Caycaus February 22 VVA ARRIIEE TTYY PPLL AAYYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) G. Love & Special Sauce February 22 CCEEN N TTEERR SSTTAAG GEE (Atlanta) Mayor Hawthorne, Quadron February 22 TTEERRM M IIN N AALL W WEE SSTT (Atlanta) The Black Angels, Roky Erickson February 22 JJEE N NN NIIEE AA N ND D EE RRSSO ON N TTH HEEAA TTRREE (Marietta) Mel Tillis February 22 MAA RRAATTH M HO ON NM MU U SSII CC W WO ORRK K SS (Nashville) Randy Rogers Band, Josh Abbott Band, Wade Bowen February 22 JJA AM M EE SS K K.. PPO OLLK K TTH HEE AATTEERR (Nashville) The Tenors February 22 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND DSS LLEE YY (Nashville) G. Love & Special Sauce February 23 BBJJCCCC CCO ON N CCEERRTT H HAALLLL (Birmingham) Bill Maher February 23 BBRRIID DG GEESS TTO ON N EE AARREE N N AA (Nashville) Imagine Dragons, The Naked and Famous February 24 PPH HIILLII PPSS AA RREEN N AA (Atlanta) The Eagles February 24 PPH HIILLII PPSS AA RREEN N AA (Atlanta) Imagine Dragons, The Naked and Famous February 26 CCO OBB BB EE N NEE RRG GYY PPEE RRFF O ORR M MII N NG G AA RRTTSS CCEE N N -TTEERR (Atlanta) Clint Holmes, Nnenna Freelon, Kirk Whalum February 26 TTH HEE TTAA BBEERRN N AACCLL EE (Atlanta) Austin Mahone, Midnight Red, W3 The Future, Becky G February 27 SSM M IITTH H’’SS O OLLD D EE BBAARR (Atlanta) Graham Colton February 28 ALLYYSS RRO A OBBIIN N SSO ON N SS TTEE PPH HEE N NSS PPEE RRFF O ORR M MII N NG G

ENIGMA

ARRTTSS CCEE N A N TTEERR (Birmingham) Carolina Chocolate Drops February 28 H && PPO 1122 TTH ORRTTEERR (Nashville) Graham Colton March 1 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Emblem3 March 1 WO W ORRK KPP LLAAYY TTH HEE AATTRREE (Birmingham) Graham Colton March 2 TTEE RRM M IIN N AALL W WEE SSTT (Atlanta) Stephen Malkimus & the Jicks, Purling Hiss March 4 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY LLII VVEE (Birmingham) Dropkick Murphys, Lucero, Skinny Lister, Lucero March 5 BBO OTTTTLLEE TTRREE EE (Birmingham) Stephen Malkmus And the Jicks March 5 RRYYM MAA N N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Band of Horses March 5 BBA ARRK KII N NG G LL EEG GSS TTH HEEAATTEE RR Beppe Gambetta March 6 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Bring Me the Horizon, Of Mice & Men March 6 TTH HEE BBO OW WEE RRYY (Knoxville) Wayne “The Train” Hancock March 6 TTH HEE N N IICCK K (Birmingham) Agent Orange March 7 VVA A RRIIEE TTYY PPLLAA YYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) The Black Lips, Deerhunter March 7 RRYYM MAA N N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Emblem3 March 7 VVA A RRIIEE TTYY PPLLAA YYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) Sharon Corr March 9 CCEE N N TTEERR SSTTAAG GEE (Atlanta) George Thorogood & the Destroyers March 11 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Broken Bells, Au Revoir Simone March 11 RRYYM MAA N N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Young the Giant, Vance Joy March 11 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY LLII VVEE (Birmingham) George Thorogood & the Destroyers March 12 TTRR A ACCK K 22 99 Switchfoot, Kopecky Family Band March 13 WIILL D W DH HO ORRSSEE SS AALLO OO ON N (Nashville) George

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Thorogood & the Destroyers March 13 SS YYM MPPH HO ON N YY H HAALLLL (Atlanta) Chris Botti March 14 HEE AAVVEE N H N@ @ TTH HEE M M AASSQ QU U EERRAA D DEE (Atlanta) Children of Bodom, Death Angel, Tyr March 14 TTEE N NN NEE SSSS EEEE TTH HEEAA TTRREE (Knoxville) Bob Weir & Ratdog March 14 KN K NO OXXVVII LLLLEE CCO OLLIISS EEII U UM M (Knoxville) Indigo Girls March 15 RRYYM M AAN N AA U UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Bob Weir & Ratdog March 15 JJ A AM M EESS K K.. PPO OLLK K TTH HEE AATTRREE (Nashville) Jillian Michaels March 15 TTH HEE M M AASSQ QU U EERRAA D DEE (Atlanta) Agent Orange March 16 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Bob Weir & Ratdog March 16 HEE LLLL @ H @ TTH HEE M M AASSQ QU U EERRAA D DEE (Atlanta) Breathe Carolina, Jonny Craig, Ghost Town, Divided By Friday March 16 TTRRA A CCK K 2299 Indigo Girls March 17 M EE RRCCYY LLO M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) Gary Numan, Big Black Delta, Roman Remains March 17 CCEE N NTTEE RR SS TTAAG GEE (Atlanta) HIM March 18 M AARRAA TTH M HO ON NM MU USS IICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) The Glitch Mob March 18 M AARRAA TTH M HO ON NM MU USS IICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Cut Copy March 19 HEE AAVVEE N H N AATT TTH HEE M MAA SSQ QU U EERRAA D DEE (Atlanta) Carcass, The Black Dahlia Murder, Gorguts, Noisem March 19 EE D DD DIIEE ’’ SS AA TTTTIICC (Atlanta) Al Stewart March 20 FF O OXX TTH HEEAA TTRREE (Atlanta) Elle Goulding March 20 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) The Glitch Mob March 20 M AARRAA TTH M HO ON NM MU USS IICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) James Blake March 20 SS CCH HEE RRM M EERR H HO ORRN N SS YYM MPP H HO ON N YY CCEE N NTTEE RR (Nashville) Kenny Loggins March 20 W AARR M W MEE M MO ORR IIAALL AAU UD DII TTO ORRII U UM M (Nashville) J.J. Grey, Marc Broussard, Anders Osborne, Luther Dickinson March 20 A LLAABBAAM A M AA TTH HEE AATTRREE (Birmingham) Brian Regan March 20 BBRR IID DG GEE SSTTO ON N EE AARREE N NAA (Nashville) George Strait, Sheryl Crow March 21 SS CCH HEE RRM M EERR H HO ORRN N SS YYM MPP H HO ON N YY CCEE N NTTEE RR (Nashville) Kenny Loggins March 21 RRYYM M AAN N AA U UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Crosby Stills & Nash March 21 CCEE N NTTEE RR SS TTAAG GEE (Atlanta) J.J. Grey, Marc Broussard, Anders Osborne, Luther Dickinson March 21 FF O OXX TTH HEEAA TTRREE (Atlanta) The Moody Blues March 21 A LLAABBAAM A M AA TTH HEE AATTRREE (Birmingham) Ron White March 21 CCO OTTTTO ON N-- EEYYEE D D JJO OEE ’’SS (Knoxville) Aaaron Lewis March 21 PPH HIILL IIPPSS AARREE N N AA (Atlanta) George Strait, Sheryl Crow March 22 FF O OXX TTH HEEAA TTRREE (Atlanta) Crosby Stills & Nash March 22 IIRR O ON N CCII TTYY LLIIVVEE (Birmingham) Gavin DeGraw March 24 PPH HIILL IIPPSS AARREE N N AA (Atlanta) Miley Cyrus March 25


VVA ARREE IITTYY PP LLAAYYH HO OU USS EE (Atlanta) The Johnny Clegg Band March 26 RRYYM M AAN N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Gavin DeGraw March 26 BBRRII D DG GEE SSTTO ON NEE A A RREEN NA A (Nashville) Demi Lovato, Fifth Harmony, Cher Lloyd March 29 RRIIA A LLTTO O CCEE N NTTEE RR (Atlanta) Bela Fleck, Abigail Washburn March 29 BBLLII N ND DW W IILLLL IIEE ’’SS (Atlanta) The Nighthawks March 29 JJEE N NN NII EE AAN ND DEE RRSS O ON N TTH HEE A ATTRREE (Marietta) Jim Stafford March 29 RRYYM M AAN N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Amy Shumer March 30 BBRRII D DG GEE SSTTO ON NEE A A RREEN NA A (Nashville) Cher March 31 PPH HIILL IIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Lady Antebellum, Kip Moore, Kacey Musgraves April 1 CCO OBBBB EE N N EERRG GYY PP EERRFF O ORRM M IIN NG GA ARRTTSS CCEEN N -TTEERR (Atlanta) John Edward April 1 SSYYM M PPH HO ON NYY H HAA LLLL (Atlanta) Yo Yo Ma April 2 CCO OBBBB EE N N EERRG GYY PP EERRFF O ORRM M IIN NG GA ARRTTSS CCEEN N -TTEERR (Atlanta) Jesse Cook April 2 WO W ORRK K PPLLAA YY TTH HEEA ATTRR EE (Birmingham) J.J. Grey, Marc Broussard, Anders Osborne, Luther Dickinson April 2 BBA ARR K KIIN NG G LLEE G GSS TTH HEE A ATTEERR Pierre Bensusan April 3 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN NAA CCLLEE (Atlanta) Grouplove, MD MR, Smallpools April 3 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY LL IIVVEE (Birmingham) Umphrey’s McGee April 5 TTH HEE SSTTAARR BBAARR (Atlanta) Mobb Deep April 5 CCEE N NTTEE RR SS TTAA G GEE (Atlanta) Scott Stapp April 9 TTH HEE M MAA SSQ QU UEE RRAAD D EE (Atlanta) The Wonder Years, Defeater, Citizen, Modern Baseball, Real Friends April 9 VVA ARRII EETTYY PP LLAAYYH HO OU USS EE (Atlanta) Brett

Dennen April 10 JJEE M M IISSO ON N CCO ON NCCEE RRTT H HAALL LL (Birmingham) John Prine, Holly Williams April 11 SSCCH HEERR M MEE RRH HO ORRN N SSYYM M PPH HO ON NYY CCEE N N TTEERR (Nashville) Whoopi Goldberg April 11 WAA RR M W M EEM MO ORRIIAA LL AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Brad Sherwood, Colin Mochrie April 12 NAA SSH N HVVIILLLL EE M MU UN N IICCIIPPAA LL AA U UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) The Family Stone April 12 CCEEN N TTEERR SSTTAAG GEE (Atlanta) Stephen Marley April 13 BBU UCCK KH HEE AAD D TTH HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) The Milk Carton Kids April 18 BBRRIID DG GEESS TTO ON N EE AARREE N N AA (Nashville) Miley Cyrus, Icona Pop, Sky Ferreira April 18 TTH HEE TTAA BBEERRN N AACCLL EE (Atlanta) Alter Bridge April 19 RRYYM M AAN N AAU UD DII TTO ORRII U UM M (Nashville) Santana April 23 RRYYM M AAN N AAU UD DII TTO ORRII U UM M (Nashville) Joe Bonamassa April 26 SSYYM M PPH HO ON N YY H HAALL LL (Atlanta) Boz Scaggs April 27 TTH HO OM M PPSS O ON N --BB O OLL IIN NG G AARREE N NAA (Knoxville) Lady Antebellum, Kip Moore, Kacey Musgraves April 27 MEE RRCCYY LL O M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) Haim April 27 WAA RR M W M EEM MO ORRIIAA LL AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Bastille April 28 SSLLO OSS SS FF U URRN N AACCEE SS (Birmingham) Vampire Weekend April 28 CCA AN NN NEE RRYY BBAA LLLLRRO OO OM M (Nashville) Christina Perri April 29 BBU UCCK KH HEE AAD D TTH HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Christina Perri April 30 RRYYM M AAN N AAU UD DII TTO ORRII U UM M (Nashville) Local Natives April 30 BBRRIID DG GEESS TTO ON N EE AARREE N N AA (Nashville) Arcade Fire May 1 RRYYM M AAN N AAU UD DII TTO ORRII U UM M (Nashville) Bend Folds May 2 AAARRO A ON N ’’ SS AA M MPPH HIITTH HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Arcade Fire May 2

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CCEE N N TTEERR SSTTAAG GEE (Atlanta) Mogwai May 2 EEXXII TT//IIN N (Nashville) Mogwai May 3 RRYYM MAA N N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Ben Folds May 3 BBA ARRK KII N NG G LL EEG GSS TTH HEEAATTEE RR April Verch Band May 4 FFO OXX TTH HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Vampire Weekend May 5 PPH HII LLIIPPSS AARR EEN N AA (Atlanta) Lady Gaga May 6 TTH HEE TTAABBEE RRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) The Wanted May 7 RRYYM MAA N N AAU UD D IITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Garrison Keillor May 10 PPH HII LLIIPPSS AARR EEN N AA (Atlanta) Cher May 12 EEXXII TT//IIN N (Nashville) The 1975 May 15 BBU UCCK KH HEE AAD D TTH HEEAA TTRREE (Atlanta) The 1975 May 22 SSYYM MPP H HO ON N YY H HAALLLL (Atlanta) Ben Folds May 23 HAA RRRRAAH H H’’ SS CCH HEE RRO OK KEE EE CCAA SSIIN NO O (Cherokee) Dolly Parton May 25 VVA A RRIIEE TTYY PPLLAA YYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) Tommy Emmanuel May 26 OAA K O KM MO OU UN N TTAAII N N AAM M PPH HIITTH HEEAATTRR EE (Pelham, AL) Journey, Steve Miller Band, Tower of Power May 27 AAARRO A ON N ’’SS AAM M PPH HIITTH HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Journey, Steve Miller Band, Tower of Power May 30 SSO OU UTTH HEE RRN NG GRRO OU UN ND D AAM M PPH HIITTH HEEAA TTRREE (Fayetteville) Gary Puckett & the Union Gap June 7 SSO OU UTTH HEE RRN NG GRRO OU UN ND D AAM M PPH HIITTH HEEAA TTRREE (Fayetteville) Jefferson Starship June 28 TTRR A ACCK K 22 99 Lindsey Stirling June 30 CCO OU UN NTTRR YY TTO ON NII G GH HTT TTH HEE AATTRREE (Pigeon Forge) Mark Chesnutt July 4 AAARRO A ON N ’’SS AAM M PPH HIITTH HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Van’s Warped Tour July 24

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LL PP FF IIEELL D D (Nashville) One Direction August 19 GEE O G ORR G GII AA D DO OM MEE (Atlanta) One Direction October 1

CCO ON NTTIIN NU UII N NG G FF IIRRSS TT CCEEN N TTEE N NAA RRYY U UN NII TTEED DM M EE TTH HO OD D IISSTT CCH HU URR CCH H (Room 135) Singles One Mondays @ 6 PM GRREE AATTEE RR CCH G HAATTTTAAN NO OO OG GAA AASS PPIIEE SS Third Tuesday of each month, 6-8 pm http://www.meetup.com/G-C-As BBII G G CCH HIILL LL Karaoke Tuesdays D EE VVEELL O D OPP M MEE N N TT RREE SSO OU URR CCEE BBU U IILL D DII N NG G (1250 Market Street) Chattanooga Alliance for Animals First Wednesday of the month M IILL LLEE RR M M MO OTTLL EE TTEECCH HN N IICCAALL CCO OLL LLEE G GEE CHEO Complimentary Health Education Organization Chapter Meeting Third Sunday 2-4 PM TTH HEE CCH HAATTTTAAN NO OO OG GAAN N Breakfast Education & Networking Workshop Second Wednesday of the month BBRR A AD DFF O ORRD DH HEEAA LLTTH H CCEE N NTTEE RR (6160 Shallowford Rd.) Free Parent Support Meeting Thursdays 5-6pm TTH HEE EELL K KSS LLO OD DG GEE (Cleveland) Joe Collins Tuesdays LL A ASS M M AARR G GAA RRIITTAA’’ SS (Cleveland) Collins Brothers Band Thursdays LL A ASS M M AARR G GAA RRIITTAA’’ SS Priscilla & Little Rickee Wednesdays TTH HEE O OFFFF IICCEE SpeakEasy Mondays SS O OU U TTH HSSIID D EE TTAAVVEE RRN N Troy Underwood Tuesdays CCA AM M PP H HO OU U SSEE Open Mic Thursdays TTH HEE TTAAVVEE RRN N (Soddy-Daisy) Roberts & Sims Wednesdays


O PPEENNII NNGG TT HHIISS W O WEEEEKK The Legend of Hercules PG-13 In the origin story of Hercules, the son of Zeus is a half-god, half-man blessed with extraordinary strength. Betrayed by his stepfather, the King, and exiled and sold into slavery because of a forbidden love, Hercules must use his formidable powers to fight his way back to his rightful kingdom. Through harrowing battles and gladiator-arena death matches, Hercules embarks on a legendary odyssey to overthrow the King and restore peace to the land.

leaderless samurai vow to seek vengeance and restore honor to their people. Driven from their homes and dispersed across the land, this band of Ronin must seek the help of Kai -a half-breed they once rejected-as they fight their way across a savage world of mythic beasts, shape-shifting witchcraft and wondrous terrors. As this exiled, enslaved outcast becomes their most deadly weapon, he will transform into the hero who inspires this band of outnumbered rebels to seize eternity.

American Hustle R Brilliant con man Irving Rosenfeld, Kellan Lutz in Summit Entertainment’s “The Legend of Hercules”. along with his equally cunning and 47 Ronin PG-13 seductive British partner Sydney DiMaso pushes them into a world of fighters whose fierce rivalry put them After a treacherous warlord kills their Prosser, is forced to work for a wild Jersey power-brokers and mafia that’s in the national spotlight. Each had master and banishes their kind, 47 FBI agent named Richie DiMaso. as dangerous as it is enchanting. scored a victory against the other durCarmine Polito is the passionate, ing their heyday, but in 1983, on the volatile, New Jersey political operator eve of their decisive third match, caught between the con-artists and Razor suddenly announced his retireFeds. Irving’s unpredictable wife ment, refusing to explain why. Thirty Rosalyn could be the one to pull the years later, boxing promoter Dante thread that brings the entire world Slate Jr., seeing big dollar signs, makes crashing down. them an offer they can’t refuse: to reenter the ring and settle the score Anchor Man 2: The Legend Continues once and for all. On their first PG-13 encounter in decades, their long-fesWith the 70’s behind him, San Diego’s tering feud erupts into an unintentop rated newsman, Ron Burgundy tionally hilarious melee that instantly returns to the news desk. Also back goes viral. The sudden social media for more are Ron’s co-anchor and frenzy transforms their local grudge wife, Veronica Corningstone, weather match into a must-see HBO event. man Brick Tamland, man on the street Now, if they can just survive the trainBrian Fantana and sports guy Champ ing, they may actually live to fight Kind. All of whom won’t make it easy again. to stay classy... while taking the nation’s first 24-hour news channel by Her R storm. II nn LL ooss AA nngg eelleess ,, ii nn tt hhee nneeaarr ff uutt uurr ee,, ll iivveess TThhee ooddoo rree TTw woom m bbllyy -- aa ccoo m mppll eexx,, ssoo uull ffuull m maann w whh oo m m aakkeess hhii ss llii vvii nngg w wrriitt -Frozen PG Fearless optimist Anna sets off on an ii nngg tt oouu cc hhii nngg ,, pp eerrssoo nn aall ll eett ttee rrss ff oo rr epic journey-teaming up with rugged oo tthh eerr ppeeoo ppll ee.. H Heeaarrtt bbrr ookkeenn aaff tteerr tthh ee mountain man Kristoff and his loyal eenn dd oo ff aa lloo nngg rreell aatt iioo nn sshhii pp,, hh ee m eess ii nntt rr iigg uu eedd w wii tthh aa nnee w w,, reindeer Sven-to find her sister Elsa, bb eecc oom m tt hhaatt pprroo m m-whose icy powers have trapped the aadd vvaann cc eedd oo ppeerraatt iinn gg ssyysstt eem wnn kingdom of Arendelle in eternal win- ii sseess tt oo bb ee aann iinntt uuii ttii vvee eenntt iitt yy iinn iitt ss oow ter. Encountering Everest-like condi- rrii gghh tt,, iinn ddiivviidd uuaall ttoo eeaacc hh uu sseerr.. U Upp oonn tions, mystical trolls and a hilarious ii nniitt iiaatt iinn gg ii tt,, hhee iiss ddeellii gghhtt eedd ttoo m meeeett maann tthh aa,,”” aa bbrr iigg hhtt ,, ff eem maallee vvoo iicc ee,, snowman named Olaf, Anna and ““SS aam whhoo iiss iinn ssiigg hhtt ff uull,, sseennss iitt iivvee aann dd ss uurr-Kristoff battle the elements in a race w pp rriissii nngg llyy ffuu nnnn yy.. AA ss hheerr nnee eeddss aanndd to save the kingdom. dd eessiirreess gg rroow w,, iinn tt aannddee m mw wiitt hh hhiiss oow wnn ,, Grudge Match PG-13 tt hheeii rr ff rriieenn ddsshh iipp dd eeeeppeenn ss iinn ttoo aann eevvee nn-Billy “The Kid” McDonnen and Henry “Razor” Sharp are two local Pittsburgh

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t ual love f or each o th er. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug The second installment of the adventures of Bilbo Baggins, a diminutive creature who resides in a place called “Middle-Earth” before he is compelled to go on a quest to find a treasure buried deep in the heart of Lonely Mountain. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire PG13 Katniss Everdeen has returned home safely after winning the 74th Annual Hunger Games along with fellow tribute Peeta Mellark. Winning means that they must turn around and leave their family and close friends, embarking on a “Victor’s Tour” of the districts. Along the way, Katniss senses that a rebellion is simmering, but the Capitol is still very much in control as President Snow prepares the 75th Annual Hunger Games (The Quarter Quell) - a competition that could change Panem forever. Justin Bieber’s Believe PG JUSTIN BIEBER’S BELIEVE captures 19year-old Justin Bieber unfiltered and brutally honest. In brand new interviews with Bieber, the movie reveals long-awaited answers to questions about his passion to make music, relationships and coming of age in the spotlight — as well as never-beforeseen concert footage, unprecedented behind-the-scenes access and special appearances from manager Scooter Braun, Patti Mallette, Usher, Ludacris and many more. Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom PG-13 MANDELA: LONG WALK TO FREEDOM is based on South African President Nelson Mandela’s autobiography of the same name, which chronicles his early life, coming of age, education and 27 years in prison before becoming President and working to rebuild the country’s once segregated society. Nebraska R After receiving a sweepstakes letter in the mail, a cantankerous old alcoholic thinks he’s struck it rich and wrangles his son into taking a road trip across the heartland of America to claim the fortune.

ters. When Travers travels from London to Hollywood in 1961 to finally discuss Disney’s desire to bring her beloved character to the motion picture screen, Disney meets a prim, uncompromising sexagenarian not only suspect of the impresario’s concept for the film, but a woman struggling with her own past. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty PG Walter Mitty is a daydreamer who escapes his anonymous life by disappearing into a world of fantasies filled with heroism, romance and action. When his job, along with that of his co-worker are threatened, Walter takes action in the real world, embarking on a global journey that turns into an adventure more extraordinary than anything he could have ever imagined.

husband begins to notice odd behavior in his wife that they initially write off to nerves, but, as the months pass, it becomes evident that the dark changes to her body and mind have a much more sinister origin. Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit PG-13 In a story taking place prior to the original Jack Ryan stories, Ryan is a young stockbroker working for a billionaire in Moscow before joining the CIA. When the billionaire he is advising frames him for a terrorist plot and kidnaps his wife, Ryan must race against time to clear his name, stop the plot, and save his wife.

The Nut Job PG Surly, a mischievous squirrel, and his rat friend Buddy, plan a nut store heist of outrageous proportions and unwittingly find themselves embroiled Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas PG-13 in a much more complicated and hilarMadea is coaxed into helping a friend pay her daughter a surprise visit in the country for Christmas, but the biggest surprise is what they’ll find when they arrive. As the small, rural town prepares for its annual Christmas Jubilee, new secrets are revealed and old relationships are tested while Madea dishes her own brand of Christmas Spirit to all. Walking With Dinosaurs PG 70 million years ago, a diminutive underdog dinosaur named Patchi triumphs against all odds to become a hero for the ages. The runt in his family of Pachyrhinosauruses, he has to use his wits and heart to compete with his larger brothers and sisters, particularly Scowler, the alpha male of the group. Their father Bulldust is leading the herd on its annual migration when he and sons Patchi and Scowler are separated from the rest of the family by a forest fire and then trapped by a predatory Gorgosaurus. Bulldust sacrifices himself to save his sons, and their mother perishes in the fire. Now alone in the world, the two brothers must fend for themselves and their rivalry grows as they become powerful adults. But when the migration leads to their greatest battle, Patchi summons his inner courage and strength to become the leader he was born to be.

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones A group of party goers set out with a camera to investigate after a woman dies in the apartment beneath the party. They discover items associated with black magic rituals, even the missing tapes from Paranormal Activity 3. When Jesse, discovers a mark on his arm, strange forces pursue him while Jesse’s loved ones attempt to save him.

The Wolf of Wall Street PG-13 Jordan Belfort, a Long Island penny stockbroker, served 20 months in prison for refusing to cooperate in a massive 1990s securities fraud case that involved widespread corruption on Wall Street and in the corporate banking world, including mob infiltration.

Saving Mr. Banks PG-13 Walt Disney spent twenty years in pursuit of the film rights to P.L. Travers’ popular novel, “Mary Poppins,” a quest he began in the 1940s as a promise to his two daugh-

Devil’s Due After a mysterious, lost night on their honeymoon, a newlywed couple finds themselves dealing with an earlierthan-planned pregnancy. While recording everything for posterity, the

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Across 2. Worn to protect the clothing 6. Fermented grape juices 11. Lady's-finger 13. State resident 15. English princess 17. Fixes 18. Ogles 19. Underground part of a plant 20. Deuces 21. Thin glutinous mud 22. Authentic 23. Finish first 25. Biddies 26. Person whose religion is Judaism 30. Devote 32. Modify 36. Complete change 37. Shooting sport 38. Sealing compound 40. Purchase

JANUARY 9 2014

ious adventure. Ride Along PG-13 For the past two years, high-school security guard Ben has been trying to show decorated APD detective James that he’s more than just a video-game junkie who’s unworthy of James’ sister, Angela. When Ben finally gets accepted into the academy, he thinks he’s earned the seasoned policeman’s respect and asks for his blessing to marry Angela. Knowing that a ridealong will demonstrate if Ben has what it takes to take care of his sister, James invites him on a shift designed to scare the heck out of the trainee. But when the wild night leads them to the most notorious criminal in the city, James will find that his new partner’s rapid-fire mouth is just as dangerous as the bullets speeding at it

12. Flightless bird 14. Small dam 16. Part of speech 24. Rich and fashionable travellers 26. Trash 27. Spouse 28. Group of tents 29. Genus of vermin 30. Step in ballet 31. Short letter 33. Paint unskillfully 34. Be sorry for 35. Plaything 39. Highest 42. Public exhibition Down 43. Judges 1. Florida city 2. Inert elemental gas 44. Metal fastener 45. Mathematics 3. Move past 46. Raised platform 4. Lubricates 47. Evade work 5. Yuletide 6. Of moderate tem- 48. Unwieldy ship 51. Career golfers perature 52. Unpleasant smell 7. Insert 53. Salver 8. Planet 54. Stylish 9. Breathe noisily 10. Hates intensely 41. Places to sleep 47. Shaft horsepower 49. Executive Officer 50. Away 54. Pal 55. Imitator 56. Tester 57. Hawaiian port 58. Draw near 59. Book of the Bible 60. Annoys 61. Native of Switzerland 62. Type of packsack

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Yasgur, owner of the New York farm that hosted the 1969 Woodstock “Louie Louie” by The Kingsmen was Festival. Festival organizers themthe number one song on the Cash Box selves faced over 70 other lawsuits. music chart. For a while, the record was banned by a handful of US radio 119977 33 stations because of its indecipherable Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” leads lyrics, which were rumored to con- the US hit parade, stirring speculation tain some naughty words. Even the about exactly who she was singing F.B.I. investigated the song, but final- about. Although suggestions run from ly concluded that they could find actor Warren Beatty to Mick Jagger to nothing wrong. You can read the James Taylor to Kris Kristofferson, Simon has steadfastly refused to lyrics to Louie, Louie HERE divulge her secret to the general pub11 996655 lic. The Beatles started a nine week run at the top of the Billboard Hot 200 Mick Jagger is refused a Japanese visa album chart with “Beatles 65”, the because of a 1969 drug bust, putting group’s fourth US #1 LP. The record an end to the Rolling Stones’ plans to jumped from #98 the week before, tour the Orient. Asked by a reporter making the biggest gain in chart his- about his personal drug use, Jagger tory to that point. replied, “I don’t take drugs. I don’t approve of drugs and I don’t approve of people taking drugs...unless 1199 6666 The Beatles’ “We Can Work It Out” is they’re very careful.” awarded a Gold record, two days before it begins a three week reign at 119977 44 Billboard’s number one spot. It had Casablanca Records signed KISS to a entered the US chart on December 18, recording contract soon after catch1965 and stayed on the Hot 100 for 12 ing their act in New York, along with Blue Oyster Cult and Iggy Pop. The weeks. band’s first album would be released The Beatles started a six week run at a few weeks later and would climb to #1 on the US album chart with “Rubber number 87 on the US album chart. Soul”, the group’s seventh US chart topper. had been sold.

1199 5566 A trio known as Buddy Holly And The Two-Tunes kick off a two week tour of the Southern United States as a supporting act for George Jones and Hank Thompson.

had initially refused to issue the song as a single, but did include it on Robbins’ “Gunfighter Ballads And Trail Songs” LP. The track proved so popular, Columbia changed its mind and the song would go on to win a Grammy Award for Best Country & Elvis Presley recorded his first tracks Western Recording. for his new record company, RCA. 11 996611 Among them was the first song written especially for The King, Bob Newhart’s comedy LP “The “Heartbreak Hotel”. He was backed Button Down Mind Strikes Back!” by a drummer, D.J. Fontana for the topped the Billboard album chart, first time, in addition to guitarist Chet just as “The Button-Down Mind of Atkins and piano player Floyd Cramer Bob Newhart” did the previous year. in an eight hour recording session. 119966 33 After changing their name from The Gary “U.S.” Bonds files a $100,000 suit Robins, The Coasters record their against Chubby Checker, charging first tracks for Atlantic Records in Checker rearranged “Quarter to Hollywood. The L.A. quintet would Three” and turned it into “Dancin’ crack the Hot 100 the following year Party”. The suit was later settled out and place six consecutive hits in the of court. Top Ten. The now world famous Los Angeles 1199 5588 nightclub, The Whiskey A-Go-Go, Coral Records releases what proves opened its doors. Johnny Rivers, to be Buddy Holly’s last record before Alice Cooper and Kansas have recordhis death, “It Doesn’t Matter ed live albums there. Rivers also Anymore”, which was one of the few recorded two Top 10 singles, songs that Buddy recorded that he “Memphis” and “Seventh Son”, live at didn’t write. It was penned by Paul The Whiskey. Anka and peaked at #13 two months after Holly was killed. 119966 44 The Temptations record “The Way Danny And The Juniors’ Rock ‘n’ Roll You Do The Things You Do” for classic “At The Hop” was the number Detroit’s Motown Records. The single one song in the US. Originally written will become The Temps’ first as “Do the Bop”, American Bandstand Billboard Top 40 hit, peaking at #11. host Dick Clark advised the group to re-write the lyrics because the dance The first US Beatles album, known as The Bop was on its way out. “Introducing The Beatles”, was Clark was right and the Philadelphia released on Vee-Jay records. The quartet’s record stayed in the top album cover showed John, Paul and George with their now famous “mop spot for a month. top” haircuts, but Ringo had yet to 11 996600 convert. Vee-Jay would be forced to Marty Robbins’ Country-Crossover stop selling the disc by the end of the tune “El Paso” tops the Billboard Hot year because of legal complications, 100. At 4:38 long, Columbia Records but by then over 1.3 million copies ENIGMA

1199 6688 “Bob Dylan’s Greatest Hits” goes Gold just nine months after its release. The LP contains every Top 40 single Dylan enjoyed through 1967 and has since been certified five times Platinum. It peaked at #10 on the Billboard Hot 200 and went to #3 on the UK album chart. 1199 6699 Frustrated at Paul McCartney’s dominance during the filming of Let It Be, George Harrison nonchalantly tells the rest of the band that he is quitting immediately and sarcastically says as he walked out, “See you around the clubs.” George would later say that while he had a growing backlog of new material, he constantly had to work on Lennon and McCartney’s songs before the group would work on his. 11 997700 Area residents file a $35,000 lawsuit for property damages against Max

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11 997755 After fans caused over $30,000 damage to the Boston Garden auditorium, Mayor Kevin White promptly cancels a scheduled performance by Led Zeppelin. 1199 7766 The North American fascination with CB radios helped push C.W. McCall’s truck driving song, “Convoy” to the top of the Billboard Pop chart. McCall, whose real name is William Dale Fries, Jr., used a pre-Rap vocal technique that wavers between singing and speaking called “sprechgesang” (German for spokensong and spoken-voice). He would place three more songs on the Hot 100 and a dozen on the Country chart. Foghat’s “Slow Ride” becomes the first of their five Billboard chart entries and the only one to crack the Top 20. 66-year-old Chester Arthur Burnett, better known as Howlin’ Wolf, passed away at the age of 66. Although he never gained mainstream popularity, the legendary American Blues singer, guitarist and harmonica player was ranked by Rolling Stone magazine at #51 on their list of the 100 Greatest Artists of All Time. 119977 77 Former Fifth Dimension members Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. achieved their first hit since leaving the group in November, 1975, when “You Don’t Have To Be A Star (To Be In My Show)” went to number one in the US. 1199 7788 The soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever enters the US album charts where it will eventually hit number one and stay there for six weeks starting February 18. The album had a chart stay of 39 weeks and to this date has sold over 15 million copies. 1199 7799 Nearly three months after its release, Melissa Manchester’s version of “Don’t Cry Out Loud” finally enters the Billboard Top 40. It would take another three months for the song to reach its peak at #10. Thanks to its long chart life, the record would go on to be ranked as Billboard’s 26th biggest hit of 1979.

Former Gong Show winner Cheryl Up to that point, only The Beatles and Lynn enters the Billboard Hot 100 The Bee Gees had scored six straight with a Disco tune called “Got To Be chart toppers. Real”, which will peak at #12 and top 1199 9911 the R&B chart. Steve Clark, guitarist for Def Leppard, The Canadian Rock trio Rush were died from an accidental mixing of named as the country’s official prescription drugs and alcohol at the Ambassadors Of Music by the age of 31. Canadian government. 1199 9966 Richard Carpenter enters a chemical O.J. Simpson phones an L.A. radio stadependency treatment center in tion to request a dedication for his murdered wife Nicole. He wanted to Topeka, Kansas. hear “One Sweet Day” by Mariah 11 998800 Carey and Boyz II Men. The first number one song of the 1199 9988 eighties belonged to KC And The Sunshine Band for “Please Don’t Go”. Sonny Bono suffered fatal head and It was their fifth and final US chart neck injuries while skiing at the Heavenly Ski Resort in Nevada. The topper. 62-year-old Bono was apparently skiLed Zeppelin’s “In Through the Out ing alone, late in the day when he Door” is awarded a Platinum disc. It’s crashed into a tree. After leaving the last album issued before the show business, Sonny was elected September 25th death of drummer Mayor of Palm Springs, California in John Bonham. 1988 and in 1994 was elected to the US congress and re-elected in 1996. Carl White, a member of The 22 0000 00 Rivingtons and co-writer of “Papa Oom Mow Mow” and “The Bird Is The Richard “Dimples” Fields, an Word”, died of acute tonsillitis at the American Soul singer most often age of 47. A group called The remembered for his 1982 hit, “If It Trashmen combined his two songs Ain’t One Thing, It’s Another”, died into “Surfin’ Bird” and gained a #4 hit following a stroke at the age of 58. His song reached #1 on the Billboard in 1964. R&B chart and #47 on the Hot 100. 11 998811 2200 0033 ‘Elvis Presley Day’ was declared in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, A collection of 500 Beatles tapes Kansas, North and South Carolina, known as the ‘Get Back sessions’, Pennsylvania and Virginia. which were stolen in the 1970’s, were found after UK police cracked a John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s “Double major bootleg operation in London Fantasy” LP goes Platinum a little and Amsterdam. Five men were over a month after Lennon’s assassi- arrested. nation. The album would be number 22 0000 66 one in the US for eight weeks. Lou Rawls passed away at the age of 119988 55 72, after a long battle with cancer. Cyndi Lauper became the first female The velvet voiced singer placed six recording artist since Bobbie Gentry songs on the Billboard Top 40 Pop in 1967 to be nominated for five chart, including the number two hit, Grammy Awards: Album of the Year, “You’ll Never Find Another Love Like Best New Artist, Best Pop Vocal Mine” in 1976. Performance (Female), Record of the Year and Song of the Year. She would The Beach Boys launched a lawsuit win Best New Artist at the February seeking millions of dollars in dam26th show. ages from two California men, claiming they stole a collection of photos, 11 998888 recordings and other band memoraWhitney Houston led the Billboard bilia from a warehouse with the singles chart with “So Emotional”, her intent to put the items up for auction. sixth consecutive number one song. ENIGMA

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22 0000 99 Led Zeppelin’s Robert Plant was voted the Greatest Voice In Rock by listeners of the UK’s Classic Rock radio station Planet Rock, beating out Queen’s Freddie Mercury, Free’s Paul Rodgers and Deep Purple’s Ian Gillan. 2200 1100 According to Nielsen SoundScan’s final 2009 figures, Michael Jackson was the best selling artist of the year, moving 8,286,000 units. Forty years after their break-up, The Beatles were still the best selling group, thanks to their remastered catalog which sold 3,282,000 copies. Digital downloads however, were a different story. Lady Gaga was the queen of the downloads, selling 15,297,000 digital tracks. The Black Eyed Peas, Michael Jackson and Taylor Swift all finished in the vicinity of 12 million digital units. 22 00 1122 Former CCR frontman John Fogerty told Billboard.com that contrary to his 2011 overture about a reunion with his former band mates, “I’ve heard through the grapevine the other fellas were really upset or something over that. So I sent back, ‘Oh. I guess there’s no reunion then.’” .”


RRU UM MOO UURR HH AASS IITT … … …Shoemakers Converse are offering five new BBllaa cckk SSaabbbbaatthh-branded Chuck Taylor All Star kicks as part of its spring 2014 collection. The shoes feature cover art from four of the group’s O Ozz zzyy era albums, including 1970’s Black Sabbath and Paranoid, 1972’s Vol. 4 and 1978’s Never Say Die!, as well as logo treatments and photos of the band. The liner of the Paranoid Chucks features imagery from the group playing the song live on a Belgian TV show in 1970, while the Vol. 4 edition has a Lunarlon sockliner that sports O Ozz zzyy with his outstretched arms as seen on the LP cover. Wii llll iiaam m HH uurrtt has been …W cast as the present-day version of GG rree gggg AAllll m maa nn in the upcoming biopic Midnight Rider, Variety reports. The actor, who won an Oscar for his role in 1985’s Kiss of the Spider Woman, is joining a cast that already includes A Allll A Am meerr iiccaa nn RReejj eeccttss singer TTyyss oonn RRiitttteerr , who Allll m maa nn as a young man, and plays A W yyaatttt RRuu ss ssee llll as his brother D W Duu aannee AAllll m maann.

miiccss will …TT hh ee EE uu rryy tthh m reunite to honor the BBeeaa ttll eess for a televised special commemorating the Fab Four’s legendary U.S. debut on The Ed Sullivan Show, the Recording Academy announced today. The synth-pop duo will be performing a BBee aattllee ss song later this month during The Night That Changed America: A Grammy Salute to the Beatles, which will also feature duets from A Allii cciiaa K Keeyyss and JJoohhnn LLeeggee nndd and JJoohhnn M Maayyee rr and KKeeii tthh UU rrbbaann, as well as a performMaa rroooonn 55 . ance by M ...Q Quueeee nnss OOff TT hhee SSttoonnee AAggee frontman JJoosshh HH oom mm mee has said that his band will record the follow-up to 2013’s ...Like Clockwork H oom mm mee said that later this year. H the band have “more than enough songs” for a new LP. Asked by Rolling Stone if they’d be recording H oom mm mee comanother album soon, H mented: “Absolutely. We have more than enough songs. We’re booked ‘til September, but after that we plan to jump in the studio and get going.” …Southern rapper YY oouunngg JJeeeezz yy turned himself in on Friday to face charges he assaulted his son during an altercation in September 2012. The rapper was arrested in Atlanta for battery, false imprison-

ment and making threats, and was released after posting $45,000 bond. Citing court documents, TMZ is reporting that JJee eezzyy allegedly threw his son into a bathroom shower door, then punched him in the face before dragging him to a bedroom where he continued hitting him. When JJeeee zzyy’’ss son tried to flee, the rapper’s bodyguard blocked the way, according to an incident report. …A Texas man selling JJaayy ZZ concert tickets via Craigslist was seriously injured and disfigured by two women Dec. 15 – and the alleged robbers were tracked down at the show thanks to their tickets. Houston police said a man advertised he had eight tickets to JJaayy ZZ’’ss Dec. 19 concert at the Toyota Center in Houston on Craigslist and Deennii ttrraa SShh eerr rree llll ee arranged to meet D GGrree eenn and CC eess ssii ccaa DD aarr ddee nn in the parking lot of a Starbucks location, according to the Houston Daa rrddeenn allegedly told Chronicle. D the man over the phone that she’d like to meet in the parking lot because she’d have her child with her and couldn’t leave the car. As the man leaned into the car to show the tickets to the two women, they allegedly grabbed the tickets from him and sped off with the man still hanging on to the car. DDaarr ddee nn and GG rreeee nn were arrested and charged with aggravated robbery Dec. 19. Police said it was as easy as checking the stolen tickets for seat numbers and going to the concert. They found the suspects sitting in the assigned seats. …K Kee$$ hhaa has checked into rehab to treat an eating disorder. The “Tik Tok” singer said in a statement provided by her spokesman Friday that she’ll be unavailable for the next 30 days while she seeks treatment for an undisclosed eating disorder. “I’m a crusader for being yourself and loving yourself,

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JANUARY 9 2014

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but I’ve found it hard to practice,” she said. The 26-year-old vegetarian pop star said she wants to “learn to love myself again, exactly as I am.” No other details were provided. …Rapper RRiicckk RRooss ss is hoping to end LLm mffaaoo’’ss party rocking days after filing a copyright infringement suit against the colorful pop duo over its use of the phrase “Everyday I’m shufflin’”. Ross claims the line from LLM MFFA AO O’’ss smash-hit “Party Rock Anthem” is an illegal “derivative” of his phrase “Everyday I’m hustlin’” from his 2006 debut single. In documents filed in Florida, the rapper insists, “The use of ’Hustlin’ in ’Party Rock Anthem’ is readily apparent, despite the slight change from ’Everyday I’m hustlin’ ’ to ’Everyday I’m shufflin’ and constitutes, inter alia, the creation of an unauthorized (sic) derivative work.” …Rockers PPhh iiss hh ’’ss annual end-of-year parties in New York were marred by over 200 drugrelated arrests. Police officers arrested 238 fans after the band’s first three shows at Madison Square Garden prior to a New Year’s Eve bash on Tuesday. Most of the arrests were drug related. The New York Times reports one man was arrested outside the venue after cops uncovered 424 capsules of MDMA, 71 strips of LSD and 14 bags of mushrooms on his person. If you know any truths, half-truths or outright lies about the music and club scene send it to Sissy Vance c/o rumoursmill@enigmaonline.com.

- Sissy Vance


New Music For You SSaam maanntt hhaa’’ ss new album proves they haven’t strayed too far from their roots.

DD eeaatthh ooff SSaam maanntt hhaa If Memory Serves Us Well St. Valentine Records After 24 years, the decades Deeaatt hh ooff SSaa m maa nntt hhaa old band D has decided to release a new album entitled If Memory Serves Us Well. Back in the band’s heyday, D D eeaa tthh ooff SSaam maanntt hhaa was described as an 80’s “college-rock” band, and heralded as the “indierock pioneers”. I’m really digging this album, so much so that I went back and found a few of the band’s older songs D eeaatthh ooff to do a comparison. D

I definitely caught myself jamming out hard core to this album. A few of my favorite songs so far are “Couldn’t Forget About That”, “Geisha Girl”, and “Bed of Fire”. Death of Samantha’s If Memory Serves Us Well has just about everything I’m looking for in a good album: cohesion, great rhythm, killer guitar pieces, excellent vocals, very well put together. The album is scheduled to be released on February 11th of this year-be on the lookout.

Love. The short sweet album has only seven tracks, all of which leave you thinking something like “huh-well that was interesting”. BBeeaauu ffoorrdd’’ ss album is very basic, with a “recorded from your parents’ basement” sound to it. The track titles, such as “Huck Finn’s Hideout”, reflect the tone of the folksy melodies JJoohhnnnnyy BBeeaauuff oorr dd that BBeeaauuff oorrdd gives us. With A Pig Eating Past Love only seven tracks, I’m not St. Cait Records sure where BBeeaauu ffoorrdd meant Spontaneous is a good term to go with this album. to describe JJoohhnnnnyy BBeeaauu ffoorrdd ’’ss Personally, I think that the new album A Pig Eating Past mood of BBee aauu ffoorr dd’’ ss new album would be a perfect accompaniment to a rugged western-ish film like JJoohh nnnnyy DDeepp pp’’ss The Lone Ranger that debuted last year, or SShh iiaa LLaaBBeeoouuff’’ ss Lawless that hit theaters in 2012. Get ready, BBeeaauu ffoorrdd’’ss A Pig Eating Past Love is scheduled to be released on January 14th. - Elizabeth Jones ENIGMA

JANUARY 9 2014

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1. Paul McCartney 2. Haim 3. Echosmith 4. Arcade Fire 5. Pearl Jam 6. Wild Child 7. Kings Of Leon 8. The Avett Brothers 9. The Wild Feathers 10. Nine Inch Nails 11. Los Lonely Boys 12. The Head And The Heart 13. U2 14. Imagine Dragons 15. The Infamous Stringdusters 16. Down Like Silver 17. Bruce Springsteen 18. Deer Tick 19. Rosanne Cash 20. Civil Wars

ADVENTURE PICKS 1. Stephen Malkmus And The Jicks 2. The Pixies 3. Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings


Redistribution's New Buzz-Word Is Inequality Equality is a good thing right? Well, yes from an Egalitarian standpoint it certainly could be, but beware because if you are requesting that a higherauthority like a government enforce rules of equality upon the masses, it may include some rather draconian measures and you aren't going to like it much. You see we are all equal under the law in the USA, but that doesn't mean everyone can be made equal in every way and every aspect of life - that's impossible, that's just not how nature works, nor how free markets work, or how capitalism works, or how liberty and freedom are supposed to work

- worried yet, you should be. Okay so, I am a little upset, and let me tell you why. You see, I worked harder than anyone I've ever known - 17 hours a day for 24 years straight without a day off - now I am told my taxes will be raised and they want to re-distribute my hard earned wealth to those who didn't work as hard as me in the name of "equality" - I say; "Forget that Noise!" Now some would say "what about those who are not able to work?" Sure, I am okay with helping them, as long as everyone else contributes as well, however this is not what the socialist agenda wants to do,

they want to make everyone equal by taking from me and giving to whomever claims to desire to stand there with their hands out. You know what, that is the quickest way to economic failure I've ever heard, where would be the incentive to work? When I look at this whole "inequality" buzz-word being bantered, I think to myself, "Self, don't you just want to tell those Socialists and Obama supporters: your plan is ill-thought-out, lacks moral integrity, involves voting the government to be your proxy thieves to re-distribute other people's money to yourselves." You see, I am not buying this nonsense - I ask that those who demand equality come clean admit they just want everyone else to pay for their every desire, and want the government to be their lifetime caregiver, nanny, add-on parents to do everything for them, and wipe your behind too in their old age, unwilling

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to pick up a fishing pole, even if I teach them to fish - no they want to have their Sushi and eat it too, but they want someone else to pay for it. If that isn't greedy I don't know what is, and yet they have the tenacity to call rich people greedy, and even those crony capitalists who cheat the system, how do you think they are able to do that my friends? Because their savior in chief (more like their teleprompter in chief) is using our taxpayer's money to prop up their gravy train in-trade for his campaign contributions to stay in power. Here is what I have to say to them "You are all and pardon my French, acting like spoiled children. Look at yourself in the mirrors, and think about it." Care to leave a message - go for it - there is a form below. Please consider all this and think on it.

- Lance Winslow


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Enigma 1/09/14  

This week: Steve-O!, Death to Samantha, Johnny Beauford ans so much more!

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