(LEADERS’ DISCUSSION GUIDE) WCO170212: CHASE CHASTE LOVE This Bible Study is designed for small groups of between 4-6 persons (per group, of the SAME GENDER). Should you (as a facilitator) find the existing group setting too big, feel free to form smaller groups, so that everyone has a chance to share. Total suggested allocated duration for this Bible Study: 60 minutes. INTRODUCTION (Suggested Allocated Duration: 5 mins) Have everyone introduce themselves to each other within the group – especially if there is someone new joining. Get to know each other a little bit more. Share within the group any one of the following (ice-breaker) starter questions. Feel free to mix & match:
Hi! My name is … and the most memorable gift (present) I have ever received from someone was … (describe). Hi! My name is … and the most memorable Valentine’s Day gift I have ever received was … (describe).
Keep these discussions light and free, allowing everyone to feel comfortable to share casually and openly within the group. DISCUSSION STARTER (Suggested Allocated Duration: 15 mins) Have everyone watch the following video.
CHASTITY: WHAT ARE THE LIMITS? (Video: 4 mins) Teens from the Latter-day Saint church are counseled to stay sexually pure, but what exactly are the limits? Using teachings of modern prophets, this presentation shows why that’s the wrong question to ask, as well as how we can find happiness and peace through staying chaste. [Disclaimer: this video resource from the Latter-day Saint church (Mormon community) is used for discussion purposes only.] Video available from YouTube: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHJoMvJadBg)
Discuss on the following questions. Ensure everyone in the group has a chance to share their personal thoughts to the following questions. Remind all: there is NO RIGHT or WRONG answers. Keep the discussion light and lively. (Suggested Allocated Duration: 10 mins) 1. In your opinion, what is considered OK (acceptable/appropriate) interaction in a FRIENDSHIP shared between 2 persons (of opposite genders), of the same age group as yourself ? Explain. 2. In your opinion, what is considered OK (acceptable/appropriate) interaction in a RELATIONSHIP of INTIMACY between 2 persons (of opposite genders) who are not married, of the same age group as yourself, and what are the boundaries? Explain. [ There are no right or wrong answers for the questions above, but personal thoughts and opinions. Answers to the questions above may vary according to individuals, and may include: a) holding hands b) a gentle kiss on the cheek (non-passionate kissing) c) hugging (from the side or front – but with appropriate distance) ]
3. In your opinion, what is considered OK (acceptable/appropriate) interaction in a RELATIONSHIP of INTIMACY between 2 persons (of opposite genders) who are married? Explain. [ There are no right or wrong answers for the question above, but personal thoughts and opinions. Answers to the question above may vary according to individuals, and may include: a) passionate kissing b) intimate embrace c) bodily sex ] 1
DISCUSSION FOLLOW-UP (Suggested Allocated Duration: 20 mins) Have everyone watch the following 2 videos.
RACE FOR THE CHASTE 2011 (Video: 4 mins 2 secs) "The harvest is abundant, but the laborers are few" (Luke 10:2). Last November (2011), a group of youths in San Diego (Goretti Group: www.thegorettigroup.org) took a pro-active stand by joining in a race to defend chastity and purity within our culture. Video available from YouTube: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r7FPn5zL2w)
I CHOOSE TO BE PURE (Video: 4 mins 20 secs) Six interfaith youth speak candidly on why they have chosen to be sexually pure. Video available from YouTube: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xE-iK1pdp0)
Discuss on the following questions. Ensure everyone in the group has a chance to share their personal thoughts to the following questions. Remind all: there is NO RIGHT or WRONG answers. (Suggested Allocated Duration: 10 mins)
4. Everyone in the world is saying: “to stay chaste and pure is for losers!” What would be your reasons for wanting to stay chaste and pure, until marriage? Explain. [ There are no right or wrong answers, but personal thoughts and opinions. Answers to the question above may vary according to individuals, and may include: a) avoid unplanned pregnancy, abortions, unwanted babies b) avoid sexually transmitted diseases c) saving myself for my future spouse d) my religion, personal belief, cultural background prohibits me from such sexual intimacy e) value of self-worth ]
5. Are you in a relationship right now (with someone of the opposite gender)? If YES, how would you safe-guard to ensure that the relationship that you are currently in, will continue to be chaste and pure, until marriage? If NO, how would you safe-guard yourself in ensuring that you will continue to be chaste and pure, until marriage? [ Share honestly and openly, without any judgment from within the group. Everyone has their own “struggles” when it comes to matters of relationships. There are no right or wrong answers, but personal thoughts and opinions. Answers to the question above may vary according to individuals, and may include: a) take up a chastity vow b) wear a chastity reminder – ring, locket, prayer card c) keep company with friends who are supportive, mature and good (will not lead astray) d) be involved actively in sports or activities – preoccupying free time, so as not to be distracted by thoughts of sex or sexual fantasies. e) wear clothing with modesty f) treat those of opposite gender with respect and purity – as brothers & sisters in Christ g) confide in an accountability partner – someone mature and able to counsel wisely ]
THE WORD: ALIVE! (Suggested Allocated Duration: 10 mins) Have everyone open and read from their own bibles, the following scripture verses. Meditate and share on how the verses below strike each person most.
PHILIPPIANS 4:8 Safe-guarding yourself for purity and holiness.
GALATIANS 5:16-26 Allow the Holy Spirit to be your guide in living a pure and chaste life. 2
1 TIMOTHY 4:12 Be an example of purity and holiness.
SELF-REFLECTION (ACTION) & PRAYER (Suggested Allocated Duration: 10 mins) Have everyone watch the following reflection video, followed by some personal quiet time (suggested: at least 5 MINUTES of TOTAL SILENCE). During the quiet time, reflect on your own life and ask yourself this question: How will I choose to promise God to keep my love and life: chaste, holy and pure, reserving myself only for my future spouse (in marriage)? Then close with a community prayer – as led by either the group leader (within each respective small group) OR by the session animator.
“I PROMISE” by JACI VELASQUEZ (Video: 3 mins 54 secs) A beautiful song of putting rightly in the hands of God the future of a man and a woman. Real love, waits indeed. Video available from YouTube: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_C862VpX3cY)
Written by: Johnny Ramirez Sung by: Jaci Velasquez Lord, You know my heart And all my desires And the secret things I'll never tell Lord, You know them well Though I may be young I see and understand That at times like sheep we go astray And things get out of hand Chorus: So I promise to be true to You To live my life in purity As unto You Waiting for the day When I hear You say Here is the one I have created Just for you Until then, O Lord I will be content Knowing that true love Will come someday It will only come from You ‘Cause I have seen the suffering That loneliness can cause When we choose to give our love away Without a righteous cause
ADDITIONAL MATERIALS CHASTITY (Latin: castus; clean, pure, temperate): the virtue (good value) by which a person who is capable of passion deliberately (intentionally, with purpose) and resolutely (with determination) reserves his/her erotic desires for love and resists the temptation to find lewd (dirty) images in the media or to use others as a means of achieving his/her own satisfaction. What is Chaste Love? Why should a Christian live a chaste life? A chaste love is a love that defends itself against all the internal and external forces that might destroy it. That person is chaste who has consciously accepted his/her sexuality and integrated (included, incorporated) it well into his/her personality. Chastity and continence (self-restraint, partial or complete abstinence) are not the same thing. Someone who has an active sex life in marriage must be chaste too. A person acts chastely when his/her bodily activity is the expression of dependable, faithful love. [CCC 2238] Chastity must not be confused with prudishness (being proper). A person who lives chastely is not the plaything of his/her lusts but, rather, lives his/her sexuality deliberately, motivated by love, and as an expression of that love. Unchaste behavior weakens love and obscure its meaning. The Catholic Church advocates a holistic-ecological approach to sexuality. This includes sexual pleasure, which is something good and beautiful; personal love; and fruitfulness, which means openness to having children. It is the understanding of the Catholic Church that these three aspects of sexuality belong together. Now if a man has one woman for sexual pleasure, a second to whom he writes love poetry, and a third with whom to have children, then he is exploiting all three and really loves none of them. How can anyone live a chaste life? What can help? Someone lives chastely when he/she is free to be loving and is not the slave of his/her drives and emotions. Anything, therefore, that helps one to become a more mature, freer, and more loving person and to better form relationships helps that person to love chastely also. [CCC 2338-2345] One becomes free to be loving through self-discipline, which one must acquire, practice, and maintain at every stage of life. It is helpful for me in this regard to obey Godâ€™s commandments in all situations, to avoid temptations and any form of double life or hypocrisy, and to ask God for protection against temptations and to strengthen me in love. Being able to live out a pure and undivided love is ultimately a grace and a wonderful gift of God. Does everyone have to be chaste, even married people? Yes, every Christian should be loving and chaste, whether he is young or old, lives alone or is married. [CCC 2348-2349, 2394] Not everyone is called to marriage, but everyone is called to love. We are destined to give our lives away; many do so in the form of marriage, others in the form of voluntary celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, others by living alone and yet being there for others. All human life finds its meaning in love. To be chaste means to love with an undivided heart. The unchaste person is torn and not free. Someone who loves authentically is free, strong, and good; he/she can devote him/herself in love. Thus Christ, who gave Himself up completely for us and at the same time devoted Himself completely to His Father in heaven, is a Model of Chastity, because He is the original model of strong love. 4