Page 1


In the parlour there were three, You, the parlour light and me. Now three’s a crowd without a doubt, And so the parlour light went out.

A ring is round, It has no end. To be your girl, I do intend.

Sex is evil, Sex is sin, Sinners are forgiven, So lets get in.

I like you in blue, I like you in red, But most of all, I like you in bed.

Don’t make love at the garden gate, Love is blind but the neighbours ain’t.

I wish you were a bar of soap, Placed upon your hand. Every time you took a bath, Id see the promise land.

If I go to heaven and you’re not there, I’ll wait for you on the garden stair. If you’re not there by judgement day, I’ll know you’ve gone the other way. Just to prove my love is true, I’ll go to hell just to be with you.

I love you, I love you, I love you almighty, I wish your pyjamas, Were next to my nighty. Don’t be mistaken, Don’t be misled, I mean on a clothes line, And not in bed.

My nickers are red, My nickers are brown. When I’m with you, My nickers are down.

I’m a nut, You’re a bolt How about a screw?

Down in a valley, Carved on a tree. Three little words, You and me.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Teddies are cuddly, How about you?

From a lemon to a lemon, How about a squeeze?

If I were a cabbage, I’d split myself in two. My leaves i’d give to anyone, My heart i’d give to you.

Me and you, You and me, That’s the way it’ll always be.

Down on a beach, Carved on a rock. Three little words, Forget-me-not.

Be it be rain, Be it be shine. I’ll hope you’ll be my valentine.

I had a funny dream last night, It really made me laugh. I dreamt I was a bar of soap, Floating in your bath.

I wear my heart upon my sleeve, Especially for you. So say you’ll be my valentine, And that you love me to.

If you were an old shoe, And I was a piece of leather. I’d get a cobbler to sow us together.

One and one adds up to two, One is me and one is you. I’m yours and you’re mine, Will you be my valentine?

Dear lord in heaven, Dear lord above, Please protect the boy I love. I love him completely, With all my heart. So keep us together, And don’t let us part.

Up a ladder, 1, 2, 3. If you fall, Please fall for me.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Have a guess who loves you?

If you were Andy Pandy, And I were Looby Loo. We wouldn’t have to play with Teddy, We’d have better things to do. ?

If I proposed to you, And your refused. You’d find my death, In the evening news.

I love you in big ways, I love you in small ways. I love you this minute, I love you always.

Oranges grow in Africa, Apples grow there too, But it takes a place like ________ , To grow a lad like you.

Tulips in the garden, Tulips in the park, But the tulips I like best, Are the tu lips in the dark.

I’ve given up chomping on chocolates, And panting over pud. I even stopped my fish and chips, I never thought I could. I clean my teeth ten times a day. Its silly but its true, And all because Ive fallen for, A lovely lad like you.

Giraffes have long necks, Camels have humps. When I see you, My heart jumps.

Soft and gentle, Sweet and tender. Try and guess, Who is the sender?

We tried it on the sofa, We tried it on the chair, We tried it on the mantlepiece, But couldn’t do it there. I know what you’re thinking, It makes me want to laugh, But all we were trying to do, Was take a photograph.

In the winter, Wrote in the snow, Four little words, I love you so.

I wish I was your china cup, From which you drank your tea. So every time you took a sip, It would mean a kiss from me.

Someone, somewhere, Dreams of your smiles. Someone, somewhere, Finds you worthwhile. And when something Reminds me of you. Someone, somewhere, Is thinking of you.

We sometimes argue, We sometimes row, You sometimes think I’m a silly cow. But it soon blows over, And were back the same. I’ll walk off happy, While you take the blame.

I climbed up the door, And shut the stairs. Said my pyjamas, And put on my prayers. Turned off the bed, And jumped on the light. And all because, You kissed me goodnight.

If you want me, I’ll always be there. Don’t you know I really care. If you want me just call my name, I’ll come running in snow or rain.

I wish I was your undies, Upon your bum so white And every time you had a pee, I’d get a thrilling sight.

I wish I was your toothpaste, Upon your windowsill And every time you squeezed me, I’d get a little thrill.

Our love is like a bubble One prick from you, And I’m in trouble.

If I was a bubble, In your bath’ I’d tickle your bum, And make you laugh.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, And I love you.

Ashes to ashes, Dust to dust. Without your kisses, My lips would rust.

I could see you were special, Right from the start, And theres always a place for you, In my heart.