AN OREXI ... a b o u t
t h e
wont listen when they say I’m too skinny.
Kiss for a while, at least I still have a girlfriend, aye?
My girlfriend’s waiting outside.
They just want you to be fatter than them, so they can feel better about themselves.
It’s break time. The time in which fatties shove food down their throats without thinking.
“I’ll save it for later.”
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
“Nah.” “You sure? I got loads.” “Oh go on then.”
, you’ll be glad I stopped you.
“Anyone want some crisps?” No, no one wants crisps.
Look at all the food, pity you’re having none
“See you later.” “Bye.”
I wouldn’t be allowed.
I don’t do anything about it, and I don’t give food a second thought.
I rearrange mine so it looks as if I’ve got just the same as them.
I put half of my chips and half of my peas on the other two plates.
Now’s your time, shift it
6:30 and the meal is done. She goes to the toilet to wash her hands.
it down the toilet, t h i s
I end up eating it,
I go upstairs and run a bath.
all of it.
so I walk downstairs and grab the phone. Talk to my girlfriend for an hour. We talk about stupid stuff, I don’t really know why.
LISTEN TO ME! I CAN MAKE YOU HAPP bring the phone down, grab a drink, get ready for bed. Put my headphones in, put the music on low, and listen to it until tomorrow.
eating like a pig
You should punish yourself for that. You’re not going to be skinny by
I’ve eaten a whole meal today. that’s
My mum’s like a living anorexia. I put on some music, write poetry, and draw.
but for someone as huge as you – it wouldn’t really make a difference.’
of cheap chocolates. ‘Here’s some chocolates for you, they’re too fattening for me,
myself off, and head straight to my room. There’s a note on the chair, next to a box
I’m in there for quite a while. Gives me time to escape from the family. I get out, dry
I make the bath really hot and steamy – it burns more calories.
Thank goodness it’s gone.
I get it all out.
two fingers down my throat
I put my head below the rim and
That’s no good, is it? They’ll see it in the bin.
so they can’t see me throwing the food away.
They go into the living room to eat, and I stay in the kitchen. I shut the door,
It’s easy, I’ve been doing it for ages.
“You’ll eat what you’re given!”
I didn’t realise my brother had gone, she only hits me when no one’s around.
“Sorry, mum. I’m not really hungry. Can I just make myself something? It’s not that I don’t like your cooking, I love it…”
5:30, my mother comes home. We’re having steak and kidney pie, with chips and peas tonight.
He starts teasing me, I don’t really care to be honest.
My brother comes home and brings out the biscuits.
Get to the house, mum’s not in. Unlock the back door, go straight on the computer.
I THINK ABOUT FOOD WHEN I PASS THE KITCHEN
I walk home, past all the shops.
about 10 minutes, then his bus shows up.
“Yeah, why not? Got bare weed, too.” “Sweet.” We walk to the bus stop together. He pulls out a bong. We’re pulling it for
the poolroom, and meet a friend there. The teacher is shouting at him. She tells him to “Bugger off home.” “You coming?”
girlfriend’s outside. Walk her to her lesson. Any excuse for exercise, right? Give her a quick kiss, a hug, then walk off. Go to
they’ve got troubles, but as soon as I show my true emotions they hate me. Guess that’s the way it goes. Form’s over, my
Sit in the corner, alone. No one even notices I’m there once the crisps have been eaten. They all just come to me when
No you wont! Form time again.
“share” my crisps with the rest of the class and manage to end up with none.
You watch them get
Stop making yourself hungry!
No point cleaning it up, could be a nosebleed. Think of all the germs I could get in that cut, it could get infected. Oh well, don’t really care at the moment. I pull my sleeve back down as soon as the blood flow slows. It’s lunchtime already, the blood’s seeping through my sleeve. No one will notice, it’s a black top. Smoke some more at the tin, have a bit on someone else’s joint.
Watch it splash on the floor.
DEEPER! I cut again, slice through all the fat, just scraping the muscle. I let the blood trickle down my arm.
Across the wrist, I’m not suicidal. That was nothing,
I start crying at the voice inside my head. Everyone turns around to stare at me. I run out the room, tears streaming down my face. I run into the toilets, lock the cubicle, and produce a razorblade from inside my phone.
LEAVE ME ALONE!”
Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, FAT, FAT, FAT
Anything to lose weight.
I sit up – burns up to 10% more calories.
thanks Sandy, and how are you?” “Alright.” We all settle down for work.
up the shop with a couple of “friends”. Have another smoke. Get the papers. Come back in time for English. Go to English. “Alright miss?” “Yes,
against these guys, though. Play pool again. Win again. Stuff it. “Can I go up the shop, Miss?” “Yeah, the mirror and the sun.” “Thanks, miss.” Walk
thanks.” Well done little boy. Resist the temptations for the greater good. Play Ping-Pong. Too good! I guess you can’t really lose when you play
Do you really want to be this fat all your life? “Have you got any salad rolls?” “No, sorry, we’ve got chicken curry, your favourite, though.” “Ah, no
What are you doing?
“Want some rolls?” “Yeah, alright.”
NO, NO, NO!
get skinny. End of break, back in the poolroom again. They’ve got the filled rolls out again. There’s loads left.
gives you “the munchies”. If you can go the rest of the day without eating anything at all, munchies or no, I’ll help you
“Yeah” Give him the money, get the weed, and smoke half of it right then. What did you have weed for? We all know it
I walk to the tin. Everyone’s there, like usual. Smoking. “Got any weed?” “Yeah, loads. Why? Want to buy some?”
you? “Yeah, yeah, I’m stuffed. Thanks, anyway.” Ah, best just play on the playstation for this lesson.
“Yeah, I’m bl…” Don’t say you’re bloated, idiot! She’ll look at your stomach. You don’t want that, do
but little chocolates make big people even bigger!
You don’t want to be just another fatty, do you
Of course you’re sure! It may be just a little chocolate,
That’s without stuffing your face with chocolates!
“No thanks, I’m full up from the toasties.” “Are you sure? It’s only a little chocolate.”
need to lose weight as it is.
“Fancy a chocolate?” Think how fattening those chocolates are. Look at you, you
on my table at home.” Lies. “Ok, then. Bring it in tomorrow.”
from the beginning of the year, do you think you could do that?” “Yeah, sure. Actually, I have done it, it’s just
brains. Don’t tell them I said that, though.” There’s a long pause. “Also, you still haven’t done that homework
It’s good when you’re there, we can bounce ideas off of each other, and you’re the only person there with
for this lesson. “Hi, miss.” “Hi. Do you think you could come to today’s English lesson? I’m really missing you.
you were like that. It gets boring after 5 games. Oh crap, next lesson. My English teacher’s in the pool room
I make as little noise as possible while I drop them in the bin. Play pool for a while. That cue is so slim, if only
Everyone’s gone now, no one will notice if you drop them in the bin.
Fancy some cheese toasties? “Yes, please.”
She has to go, I kiss her goodbye, give her a hug and that’s that. Walk to the pool room, all alone, like I’ll always be. Oh, the idiots are still there.
I’D KILL TO BE THAT SMALL
It’s so bony, why can’t she see how slim she is?
I walk down the stairs, holding my girlfriend’s hand.
They lie, you’re
I get changed, make sure I’ve got my lighter and my keys. Yep, got them all. Grab my schoolbag and run out of the house. Walk to the bus stop, have a cigarette or two, helps numb the hunger pangs. 8:50 form-time. Run to my form room. Good, no one notices I’m late. Time to go.
better GET UP
fat Not skinny.
same CD since
d o e s n ’ t r e a l l y m a t t e r, i ’ l l l a y h e r e f o r a w h i l e , s a y i s l e p t i n .
Wouldn’t have to eat breakfast, then.
All of my other “friends” have abandon me because I
it’s been on the
Guess I should turn the music off,
OU CANT EAT THAT, FATTY.
w h a t
You’re not getting up yet,
i guess its nearly time to get up.
It’s getting lighter,
A DAY IN THE