ION TRAT S U L & IL
s a d r O Emi SCRIPT rillo u M s i Lu
T CEP CON
s evening set over the town of Perrault, it began to rain and most of its inhabitants went to bed before the church clock rang its unsettling midnight bells. It was the hour of witches, vampires, and the dead. It rained so, so, so much that the water began to flood the cemetery, seeping down into the abodes of the dead...
..exactly in that earth were the tombs of the family of Little Red Riding Hood, the most famous girl from all the childrenâ€™s stories. Oh, you didnâ€™t know that Little Red Riding Hood died many, many years ago?
Here you have her! Now do you believe me or not? A little worse for the wear, isn’t she? Of course, she passed away many, many years ago! You see, the writers and illustrators didn’t want to say anything until now, so that many children wouldn’t get upset. Now you see, sweet Little Red Riding Hood is now...
...“Little Dead Riding Hood.”
Her parent’s grave was very close to Little Dead Riding Hood’s tomb, right next to it. That night, her father, shivering with cold, lamented the plight in which they found themselves with his wife.
LET’S POISON GRANDMOTHER AND WITH HER INHERITANCE MONEY, WE’LL BUY OURSELVES A GOOD MAUSOLEUM WHERE WE WON’T GET WET.
Little Dead Riding Hood’s father was a heartless man. And her mother was also quite a hag! That night, the two of them hatched a plan to kill Grandmother. A perfect plan!
YES, LET’S DO IT. OHH, I HAVE ARTHRITIS IN ALL OF MY BONES! 15
But Cacafuti the worm, who had overheard the conversation of the perfidious couple, emerged from the ground and told everything, everything to a crow friend of his named Eyeplucker. Once the crow found out how serious the situation was, he flew away like lightning to warn Grandmother. 16
The next morning, the malevolent mother prepared some flour to make pastries and sprinkled in rat poison so that the poor old woman would have a fit and die upon eating them. At the same time, her father made an anise liqueur with honey into which he poured a generous stream of snake venom. They put everything into a basket and went to wake up Little Dead Riding Hood.
The little girl, without suspecting her parentsâ€™ devious plan, left happily for her grandmotherâ€™s home, which was on the other side of the forest.
Not far from where Little Dead Riding Hood was walking, the Great Council of Fierce Wolves was having a meeting. They needed to decide which test a wolf cub named Lupito would have to overcome to deserve the category of “Fierce”. Because you shouldn’t think that all wolves are fierce.
Itâ€™s not like that at all! Among them, there are two categories: wolf cubs and fierce wolves. Well, in Lupitoâ€™s case, he will have to face one of these two tests: eat a Little Red Riding Hood or eat a Grandmother. If he passed either of these tests, he would automatically become Fierce Lupito.
After leaving the Great Council of Fierce Wolves, Lupito found Little Dead Riding Hood picking flowers for her Grandmother. He opened his black jaws and crept stealthily towards the harmless girl, licking his lips. Upon discovering the girl-corpse’s terrifying face, Lupito’s hair stood on end and he ran away like a Formula 1 race car. And with good reason. The girl’s face, which was quite pretty before, was now enough to scare fear itself.
Meanwhile, Eyeplucker the crow had told everything, everything to Little Dead Riding Hoodâ€™s Grandmother.
Lupito, spurred by the fear that seeing Little Dead Riding Hood’s face had produced, hadn’t stopped running until he reached the highest hill in the forest. Suddenly, in the distance he saw Grandmother working in her garden and said to himself: “That one’s mine!” He ran to the house, jumped over the fence and…
Lupito fell into a pit of snakes and, of course, as he wasnâ€™t Indiana Jones and couldnâ€™t take them on, they bit him all they wanted and more. When the poor wolf managed to get out of the pit, his paw got caught in a trap with iron teeth, and he let out a scream so terrifying that it was heard throughout the entire forest.
And if all that werenâ€™t enough, he had more bad luck, stepping on a bomb which was strategically placed by the old woman, BOOOOOOMMM!!! and was blown away through the air.
Shortly thereafter, innocent Little Dead Riding Hood stepped through the gateâ€Ś totally unaware of what was waiting for her in her beloved Grandmotherâ€™s house.
She found it strange that the garden was so beaten up, but she didnâ€™t worry too much about it because she was thinking about all of the happiness she was going to bring the old woman.
As Grandmother herself said before, when she was young they called her Ramba, for her cunning and bravery. Here you have her. Letâ€™s see if anyone dares to take her on. Count, count all of her weapons! 33
It was innocent Little Dead Riding Hood who had to suffer this surprise, or better said, super-surprise! The little girl understood nothing, absolutely nothing, of the terrible reception her beloved Grandmother gave her. She didn’t start crying because, since she didn’t have any eyes, she couldn’t shed tears. Thankfully, soon it became clear that the girl knew nothing of her parents’ bad intentions, and so grandmother and granddaughter could hug each other with much excitement.
Of course, the wolf continued to think about his attempt to move up in category and had climbed up on the roof, attempting to sneak down the chimney. But as the poor fellow was a foolish, hopelessly foolish wolf, he fell on the fire, andâ€Ś between howls of pain, began to roast over the coals.
Lupito roasting on the coals smelled very appetizing. After the feast of roasted meat, grandmother and granddaughter had the
“Grandmother, look what big ears, big eyes and big mouth the wolf has!” “They’re that big so we can eat them better, Little Dead Riding Hood!”
pastries and liqueur that the girl had brought in her basket for dessert. Unfortunately, the poor old woman had a poor memory, and didnâ€™t realize that Eyeplucker the crow had warned her that those sweets were poisoned.
M A W
Very soon, Grandmother began to feel dizzy and experience convulsions. And in a few minutes...
The old woman went to the other world.
! M 39
“And us here, getting wet and freezing from the cold. When she arrives, she’ll hear of this!”, little Dead Riding Hood’s father said. “If she arrives, because with her mother the hag around, anything can happen… But wait, what’s that noise that we hear outside there?”
Little Dead Riding Hood’s father was right, totally right. With Grandmother in the mix, anything could happen.
“NOTHING, THAT GIRL DOESN’T ANSWER THE PHONE!”
And what happened was that with her savings, the old woman bought herself a mausoleum which was like a palace. But, of course, this mausoleum was only for her and her beloved granddaughter. And most importantly, as eternity was going to be a bit long, they saw clearly that they needed to do something fun so as not to get bored.
And now you see, they’re not bored at all, are they? They’ve been here for years, tens, hundreds of years moving their skeletons…
Published on Mar 20, 2013