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Lighter Side

Five Easy Steps to Eliminate Stress or Die Trying By Dorothy Rosby

Before you can reduce stress in your life, you must first determine if you’re actually stressed out or if you’re just naturally an irritable person. You probably don’t want to ask your family for their opinion on this matter. Instead, take the following highly scientific, psychological stress test, which I adapted (stole) from a recent workshop I attended. This will save you the stress of attending your own workshop where you would be forced to play getting acquainted games, like the "Rub the Back of a Perfect Stranger" which most people find stressful.

7. I become upset when the car in front of me is driving too slowly. (Doesn’t everyone? This is a trick question. One stress point for me, five for the people driving in front of me.)

Give yourself one stress point if the statement never applies to you, two if it sometimes applies, and three if it applies pretty darn often.

10. I have certain aggressive gestures. (Only in traffic. And during occasional news items. Oh yes, and at certain sporting events. Three stress points.)

Because many people find taking highly scientific, psychological stress tests stressful, I will print my responses and scores after the statements to show you how it’s done.

Now, unless you’re like me and you find math stressful, tally up and check yourself as follows.

8. I dislike waiting in line. (Darn tootin’ I do. And if you don’t, you obviously don’t have enough to do. You should come clean my house. Three stress points.) 9. I often try to do two things at once. (Yes, but not very successfully. Three stress points.)

10-12 stress points. You’re either lying or you’re dead. Take your pulse now.

1. I drink more than three cups of coffee, tea, or cola per day. (Yes, but I find caffeine soothing. Three stress points.)

13-20 stress points. You’re nearly perfect, and the rest of us find it stressful to be around you.

2. I don’t have the energy to do the things I need to do. (What is it I need to do? Three stress points.)

21-30 stress points. You and I have a lot in common. We should meet for coffee. (Caffeine free.)

3. I tend to take stress out on my family. (Yes, but they should be use to it by now. Three stress points for me, ten for the family.)

Well how did you do? Oh. That bad huh? Never fear! Anyone can find some relief from stress by trying the following helpful techniques:

4. I have a hard time making decisions. (I’m not sure. Three stress points.)

1. First and foremost, you must immediately lower your expectations of yourself and every body in your life. Is it truly necessary that your home be spotless, your "in basket" be empty, your family be fed?

5. I find it difficult to relax. (Who has time for that? Three stress points.) 6. I don’t feel useful or needed. (Sounds wonderful! Two stress points.)

2. Secondly, come to terms with the knowledge that you will never get everything done. If there ever comes a day when you do have everything done, you’ll find more do to.

November-December 2013 | Exceptional People Magazine | 45


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