www.exceptionalmag.com May-June 2012
CONTENTS Extraordinary Profiles 4
Top Influential and Inspirational Women
Roy Eaton—Generating New Birth for the Fourth Time
Minding My Business 25
Marketing Basics For Business Success
Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams
It a Family Affair: Making 'Copreneurship' Work
Formulas to Help You Grow Your Business
Cover Photo Empowerment 38
Five Easy Ways to Build Your Cash Reserve
Ann Fry—Inspiring Baby Boomers to Re-invent Themselves
Tips to Improve Cold Calls
The Formula that Puts You in Control of Success
Book Review: Identify Opportunities to Solve People's Problems
A Lateral Career Move— Is it a Good Choice?
When Negotiating, Compromise To Win
Are You One or Two Paychecks Away From Bankruptcy?
51 Ways to Increase Your Credibility, Visibility and Hire-ability
Are You a Possibility Thinker?
Achieving the Big O: Originality
10 Parenting Mistakes You Must Avoid with Your Kids
Different Credit Scores for Various Purchases
Persistence - Playing a Poor Hand Well
Boost Your Self-Esteem, Boost Your Life
What Message are You Sending in Your Emails?
It is often those who are on the verge of a break through that give up on their dreams. Perseverance, persistence and consistency are key elements to great achievements. You’re closer than you think. Keep your eye on the prize.
Publisher’s Letter Dear Friends, The year is sailing by, and I hope you are on the path to achieving significant success. It is my pleasure to present our May/June issue filled with nuggets of wisdom and advice to help you enhance your career and personal life. I would imagine that we all sometimes reflect back upon our childhood and the things we did as youngsters. As a child, you may recall playing with marbles, or you may have seen a neighbor’s child playing with them. I remember as a child the first time I saw a bowl of marbles in a Five and Dime store. I was absolutely fascinated by all the vibrant colors that radiated from the group of marbles in the bowl. Yet each marble was unique. Each stood out individually and each served its purpose in bringing beauty to the eye. I compare those marbles to the people whom I see and speak with everyday. You, my readers, are no different. You’re intelligent and beautiful and you have a purpose to fulfill, no matter what your profession may be. Each of you possesses a brilliance that shines like no other. Oftentimes you may find yourself in a group setting. The next time you're among a group of people, whether attending a meeting, a business conference, or a casual gathering don’t be afraid to stand out. Unveil your brilliance and shine among others. With every good wish for great achievements,
P.S. Send us your letters at www.exceptionalmag.com/contact.html. Tell us how you are using Exceptional People Magazine to improve your life. Exceptional People Magazine is not just a magazine. It is a life-changing experience. May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 3
Profession: First Lady of the United States Location: Washington, D.C.—Website: www.whitehouse.gov First Lady Michelle Obama is a leader with a foundation built upon hard work, commitment and compassion. Mrs. Obama is inspiring change and a desire for success in women around the world. However, behind every success story are tests of unwavering faith and endurance. It is not enough to desire change, believe in it or just speak about it, you must be a participant. Her interaction with various organizations, families and youth is an excellent example of what it means to become involved and to help transform lives. Volunteerism; it is the backbone of our society. Without it we wouldn’t survive as a nation. Mrs. Obama realized her life’s purpose was to be an agent of change and a servant of the people. She has inspired thousands to use their God-given talents, skills and abilities to serve others.
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Profession: Reverend, Actress, Singer Location: Los Angeles, CA—Website: www.upchurch.org “Success to me is prosperity, and prosperity is not necessarily just the money. If you can’t sleep and you have $12 million, you’re not prosperous. If you have no peace of mind, and you have all the money in the world, you are not prosperous. Prosperity is a part of love, joy, peace, understanding and wisdom and the ability to be who you are. So it’s not just what you accomplish. Success to me is who you are.” Della Reese set an amazing precedent in the entertainment world for Black women and for all women who want to pursue careers in the entertainment field. Her success as an actress, singer and television personality can be attributed to what she learned from her parents, her mentor Mahalia Jackson, and others in the industry. Her versatility appeals to audiences from all backgrounds. Reese was the first female to guest host The Tonight Show and to host her own talk show, another first for a Black woman during the 1960’s and 1970’s. Remaining close to her gospel roots kept her grounded as she built a legendary career based on faith and hard work, while blazing a path for others to follow. 6 | Exceptional People Magazine | May-June 2012
Profession: Arts, Humanitarian Location: Los Angeles, CAâ€”Website: www.contra-tiempo.org Fusing dance with culture, politics and life, Founder of Contra Tiempo, Ana Maria Alvarez has inspired young people from all ethnic backgrounds to realize that though the world is filled with people of diverse ethnicities, we can work together to achieve a common goal. Alvarez has created a platform for young people and adults alike to engage in communication through dance rather than violence. Contra Tiempo has allowed young men and women to capture the attention of audiences around the world with a blend of Salsa, West African, Afro-Cuban and Hip-Hop beats, while addressing race, gender and inequalities among the human race.
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Profession: Mayor Location: Riverdale, Georgiaâ€”Website: www.riverdalega.gov Her victories have overshadowed her incredible trials. From a homeless mother of four to the Mayor of Riverdale, Georgia, Dr. Evelyn Wynn-Dixon has lived through many seasons of adversity, but in the end she has triumphed over them all. Her life experiences have empowered her to lead the city of Riverdale with confidence and with an inner strength that comes from one whose experiences have taught her that perseverance, unwavering courage and consistent action yield great results. As Mayor, Dr. Wynn-Dixon has remarkably changed the physical landscape of her city as well as the mindset of its people, giving them a new outlook on life. Through her unique leadership style she has implemented extraordinary educational and youth programs, improved the environment and dramatically increased business and economic development. Now serving her second term, Dr. Wynn-Dixon continues to be a visionary for the people of Riverdale.
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Profession: Athlete, Trainer Location: Baltimore, MDâ€”Website: www.ernestineshepherd.net Determined. Dedicated. Disciplined. A champion in her own right, Ernestine Shepherd has shocked the world with her resilience and determination to become a bodybuilder. At age 75, Shepherd is showing the world that fitness can be achieved at any age. She earned the Guinness Book of World Records title as the oldest female bodybuilder at age 73. Shepherd, who picked up her first barbell at the age of 56, is now inspiring young women and helping older women to get into shape and live healthy lifestyles. She is a trainer as well as a bodybuilder, and she has successfully competed with women half her age. Her determination, dedication and discipline to live well are motivating women around the world to focus on changing their lifestyles so that they can become healthy and fit.
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Profession: Special Education Location: Culver City, CAâ€”Website: www.ecf.net Barbara Cull has dedicated her life to helping children and adults challenged by learning disabilities, developmental delays, emotional challenges and chronic medical problems to become successful and productive citizens. For over 35 years as the Founder and Director of the Kayne-ERAS Center, Cull has been determined to affect positive change in these precious souls. She has received recognition both locally in the Culver City, California, area and nationally. Her accomplishments have been noted at the White House and by federal, state and local governments. She is known as an innovative leader in special education. She has developed a best-practices educational model that has received national and international commendation for its ability to be replicated in other communities.
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Profession: Broadcaster, Activist Location: Pittsburgh, PA—Website: www.bevsmithtalks.com Bev Smith, she’s the bold, tenacious diva who has taken on issues that many others have often been afraid to confront. As a television and radio host, Smith’s golden voice was heard across America for decades. She has blazed a trail in broadcasting that will not be forgotten. Her platforms gave her the ability to address issues such as homelessness, AIDS and illiteracy within the African American community. Her passion and dedication to educating the public is second to none. Smith has received nearly 300 awards for her contributions in radio and television. Her level of dedication to educating humanity about important issues sets her apart from most others. After a long and successful career in television and radio, Smith continues to educate the public on issues relating to African Americans. She is currently traveling across the country, speaking to diverse audiences.
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Profession: Education Location: La Habra, California—Website: www.rosiesgarage.org Because of her concern for the growing gang activity and low educational attainment of children in her neighborhood, in 1990 Rose Espinoza founded Rosie’s Garage, a non-profit organization and a nationally recognized after-school tutoring program in her La Habra, California, community. Espinoza has been committed to uplifting and educating her community for over twenty years. The organization focuses on improving grade averages among students, improving the attitude of students concerning education and themselves, involving parents in their children’s education and building a sense of community to help decrease crime and gang activity in the local neighborhoods. Her program has earned national recognition, including the President’s Points of Light Volunteer Award. “My greatest reward is knowing they are changing their view of life and learning that there’s more to life than gangs and hanging on the streets.”
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Profession: Economist, College President Location: Greensboro, NCâ€”Website: www.bennett.edu An extraordinary intellectual, economist and well-noted author, Dr. Julianne Malveaux, has the uncanny ability to enlighten audiences about important issues from perspectives that others never realized. Her unique approach to subjects that focus on how we live and flourish within our economy has brought her recognition as a remarkable individual. Dr. Malveaux has shared her knowledge and insights about the economy and issues affecting women and the human race as a whole with countless audiences on major television networks. As President of Bennett College for Women, Dr. Malveaux continues to impact women's lives on an economic level, as well as personal and professional levels. She has made significant contributions to the lives of the young women who attend the college and are seeking to become tomorrowâ€™s leaders and world contributors.
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Profession: Community Development Location: Andrews, NC—Website: http://odwc.org Over 14 years ago twenty-two African-American women who believed in change and the ability to make an impact in their community came together to discuss the conditions surrounding AfricanAmerican youths and adults in their local communities. As a result, Ann Woodford, one of the twenty-two women, founded and became the Executive Director of One Dozen Who Care. The idea was to form a group that possessed corporate leadership skills that would impact not only African-Americans but everyone in the community, by building strong community ties and enabling communities to become self-sufficient. One Dozen Who Care was the first African American women-led group to create programs to strengthen the community of Western North Carolina. Woodford has built a foundation that has enabled the community to continue to thrive and create better futures for the next generation. Her philosophy: “If you take time to lift people up, there will be no time left to put people down.”
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Profession: Education Location: Washington, D.C.â€”Website: www.hoopdreams.org Hoop Dreams Scholarship Foundation Founder Susie Kay has formed an ongoing partnership between community, businesses and students in the Washington, D.C. area. Over the past 15 years to many students what once seemed like a faded dream of attending college has become a reality. Since its inception in 1996, the Hoop Dreams Scholarship Fund has helped send more than 920 Washington, D.C. public high school students to college and has awarded over 1,600 college scholarships, totaling more than $3 million dollars. The organization also focuses on pairing students and mentors from local businesses within the community, stressing the importance of giving back, engaging young people in volunteer work and prepping students for SAT tests. To date, the organization has paired more than 800 students and mentors, engaged more than 1,000 volunteers in community work and helped more than 400 students prepare for SAT exams.
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Profession: Humanitarian Location: Taylor, MI—Website: www.enchantedmakeovers.org “My calling is to transform shelters into beautiful sanctuaries, uplift the human spirit and empower individuals from all walks of life to pursue their dreams." Sometimes change begins on the outside. Oftentimes, when your physical surroundings are altered, you become inspired to make changes from within. You begin to look beyond your current circumstances and envision new opportunities and dream bigger dreams. Your attitude and outlook on life are renewed. That is the impact that Terry Grahl’s vision has had on women and families living in shelters. The people whose lives she has impacted through Enchanted Makeovers have gained a new sense of purpose, assumed new attitudes and see a brighter future for themselves. They are taking steps to overcome their circumstances.
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Generating New Birth for the Fourth Time
It is a known fact that we pass “this way” only once, which means we must take advantage of each opportunity presented to us to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones, so that we can attain our highest goals and positively impact the lives of others. A regeneration of excellence over decades of obstacles has inspired new energy and new growth within the man. The man? -- Roy Eaton. “I am in my fourth lifetime,” says Eaton, the multifaceted concert pianist, composer, teacher and music producer. Metaphorically speaking, in each of those lifetimes, he experienced what he considers the highs and lows of life but at the end of each of them, he was able to re-emerge with a new-found vision and vigor for life. Eaton is a black man who was born in 1930. During this period -- his first lifetime --Eaton considered prejudice to be the first stumbling block along his path to success and independence. A few powerful words from his Jamaican mother (to overcome prejudice, you must do 200% to get credit for 100%) set him on a path of excellence, despite his skin color. This talented visionary had an accident at the age of three which caused him to lose a joint in his right fourth finger. Yet, he had the courage to aspire to become a classical concert pianist. With such courage and unswerving dedication, he became a world class pianist and winner of the first Kosciuszko Foundation Chopin Award, among other accolades and achievements.
As a music director for the prestigious Benton and Bowles (B&B) firm for over 20 years he made significant contributions to the field of advertising. Due to downsizing at B&B in 1980, his third lifetime left him with no income, with three Ivy League college tuition payments, a mortgage and alimony payments. This inspired him to start his own production company within one week, which immediately put him back on the path to restore his dream of returning to concert performances in Europe, South America, Asia and Russia. His fourth and current lifetime which began in 1996 brought him a new marriage and the birth of twin sons in 2002, “Another tangible symbol of my regeneration,” says Eaton. The founder of Exceptional People Magazine was delighted to speak with Eaton concerning his four lifetimes and his many accomplishments. Monica: You say that you're now living in your fourth lifetime. How did you, especially during the early 1900s, deal with the fact that you were born Black? You have stated that one handicap was that you were born a Negro. Of course during that timeframe Blacks weren't considered equal to Whites. Eaton: I was very fortunate to have had a Jamaican mother who
Eaton’s most dramatic experience during what he calls his first lifetime was when he was declared dead after an automobile accident that killed his first wife and the driver of the car they were in. He emerged from a 6day coma to begin his second lifetime with a new outlook on life and new career opportunities. He spent almost thirty years in the field of advertising, becoming the first black to work at Young and Rubicam, a major ad agency. It was there that he created popular jingles for Jello, Cheer, General Electric, and Spic and Span, to name a few. The jingle for Beefaroni remained the product’s theme for over 30 years. May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 19
would not let the world define who she was or who she could be, and she conveyed this way of thinking to her children. I personally did not feel that being a Negro made a difference in terms of who I was or what I could do. I think perhaps the advice that mother gave me is a key to what has happened since in my life. You have to do 200 percent to get credit for 100 percent. She said, “You're very bright and you have the skill to do it. So I expect you to meet that challenge.” Prejudice was not looked upon as something to hold me back but rather something that could spur me on. That was a tremendous gift. Nothing that could be defined as prejudice on the part of others deterred me or stopped me. I became aware of the extent of my talent and I challenged myself. I am my mother's vision. She created a vision for me that I comfortably molded myself into. If I'd come home with 97 percent on an exam, she would not say, “Oh, isn't that wonderful.” She would say, “What happened to the other three percent?” I had to answer why I wasn’t perfect. So, that fueled my experiences as a youngster. In that first phase of my life, for example, I played in Carnegie Hall when I was 7 years old. I loved music and had skills as a pianist. Unfortunately, I had an accident as a threeyear old. In retrospect, I
realized that the loss of part of the joint of my fourth finger occurred because of a racist attitude on the part of a neighborhood hospital. When I mashed my finger in a door inside our apartment, 911 did not exist. We didn't even have a telephone. My mother took me to a private community hospital for whites. They did not treat my finger properly. In a couple of days gangrene had set in, and a part of my finger had to be amputated. If I had received proper treatment, that would not have occurred. So that was my first encounter with prejudice in America. When I went to my first piano teacher, she at first didn't believe that I would be able to play the piano because my fourth finger was compromised. However, she gave me lessons anyway. In six months I entered a piano competition and won in my category of elementary piano, playing Bach. It shocked her and everyone else. Monica: Did anyone else in your family have a musical background? Eaton: Well, yes, my mother had a beautiful singing voice. She never trained to be a singer, but she sang in the gospel choir at St. James Presbyterian Church. One of my fondest memories is when she would spend a good 75 percent of her time in the kitchen. She was a wonderful cook and baker, and she would make cakes and beef patties for the entire neighborhood. Her beef patties were infamous. She would be there baking and singing at the top of her lungs, mainly hymns and spirituals, and that was the background music in my life. Music always filled the house. That was how she discovered my talent. My older sister was taking piano lessons. I would hear her practice and I’d imitate what she had played. That's when my mother decided that I should begin taking piano lessons. Subsequently my younger sister also studied piano. So music was an integral part of our family life. Monica: You were drafted into the Army during the Korean War. Eaton: I served at Fort Dix. My experience during that time was a continuation of the theme of always looking at the possibilities inherent in every situation, rather than the
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took me out of the lineup to go play at the hospital radio station. I met the civilian manager of the station who liked my talent, and I was assigned to that radio station after basic training. I stayed there for the duration of my Army service. I was also doing radio broadcasting for the soldiers who were recovering from battle wounds. I traveled to New York to appear on a program called Soldier Parade, which was focused on showing audiences how benevolent the Army was and the talented people that were serving in the Army. The program's goal was to encourage recruitment.
“I am my mother’s vision.”
liabilities. When I was drafted, my performance career was flourishing, it was on the rise. I won the Kosciuszko Foundation Chopin Award. I made my debut with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, and in 1951, I was again invited to play there. Neither my award nor my playing with the Chicago Symphony resulted in any offers for a career with the music establishment. I attempted to get into management with Columbia Artists but they weren’t interested. To put it in perspective, the award that I won in 1950, Dan Clyburn won it in 1952. Well, Dan Clyburn’s career is legendary. My skills were comparable, but I was not accepted by the establishment.
Not only did this experience allow me to continue my music performance, but it gave me a new skill in that as a radio broadcaster, I was conducting quiz shows, doing interviews, doing a weekly piano recital, and a disc jockey show. These activities allowed me to become familiar with pop music. I also did a country music and jazz show, as well as a newscast. I became familiar with radio and television formats which when I left the Army was one of the key components that prepared to move into advertising. Another lesson that my mother taught me was that you will find the most propitious life experience if you allow yourself to seek and follow God's will. When you allow God’s will,
I can only say that they weren't ready for an African American concert pianist. I can say that on the basis of parallel experiences, even a great artist like Marian Anderson, who fortunately did have some establishment backing, faced hurdles to display her talent. The Metropolitan Opera didn't accept her until she was past her prime. When I was drafted into the Army, my thought was "I don't want to go to Korea. I want to continue my music." And the only possibility for music there would be in some sort of special services capacity. I spoke with the Major General who handled special services. When I arrived at Fort Dix, the warrant officer came to basic training. He May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 21
Extraordinary Extraordinary Profiles Profiles you’ll end up in places doing things you wouldn’t have thought of, but which will ultimately be to your greater good. My entry into advertising, I think, is a perfect example of that. Not only did I not have an intention of becoming an advertising professional, I wasn’t aware of the career path or the existence of ad agencies per se. After I left the Army in 1955, I began looking for work, and one of the options I thought of was teaching at a college. I already had the experience and I had joined the faculty at City College. An agency on 42nd Street and Madison Avenue specialized in college placement. I went there to submit my resume, and while I was there I remembered that a couple of years prior I had been watching a Goodyear Playhouse drama. It was a live drama by people like Horton Foote and Paddy Chayefsky; such great playwrights. These were live performances and they frequently had background music playing during the performances. While there, I heard background music and I already knew the music but they also played a piano concerto that I wasn't familiar with. I enjoyed hearing it, so I contacted the station and I received a response from a company named Young and Rubicam. They told me that it was a concerto by a British composer. That led me to
believe that Young and Rubicam was the producer of the Goodyear Playhouse. I also learned that they were on Madison Avenue, so I walked in with no awareness of what Young and Rubicam was about. They were curious and surprised that I would be there since there were no Blacks in advertising. I didn’t have anything on my resume that resembled advertising. I thought I would be a good candidate for doing background music for Goodyear Playhouse, but I was told that they were the sponsors of the show, not the producers. So I asked the gentleman, “What do you do? You have 12 floors here?” "We do advertising. You wouldn't be interested in that.” And again, following through on my mother’s guidance, my response was, “Well, I don't know what I’d be interested in unless I try it.” He suggested that I write some ads and bring them in for the creative director to review. I went home that Friday and came back on the following Monday with 10 ads that I had written. In one of the ads I used a technique that was not yet on the air but was in production at Young and Rubicam for another product. I used it for Hunt's tomato paste, and I was trying to give the impression that it was an American tomato paste with an authentic Italian heritage. I did a commercial which started in Italy around a festival where people are eating food. It zooms in on the Italian food across the table and when you pull back, you're in America. This technique had been used in a commercial for Chef Boyardee. My commercial caught the eye of the creative director who also happened to be a musician. He told me when he saw that ad if I had been white, I would have been hired immediately. He was upfront about it. He asked me to write some songs about their products, bring them in, and he would play them for the associate creative directors. I wrote seven of them and I was immediately hired. Again, my mother's 200 percent principal played an important role in my getting that opportunity. I was not just a copywriter but a copywriter and composer. In that period I wrote about 75 percent of all the music used in their jingle productions. Monica: Advertising and marketing is the backbone of any business. As a jingle composer and copywriter, you have successfully worked with many of the top brands. What would you say are some key points that entrepreneurs should consider when
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considering advertising, marketing and creating ad campaigns for their companies? Eaton: I think that any good course in advertising is a start. They need to answer three questions. The three questions are: who, what and why. And those questions delineate who are you selling to? Who are trying to reach? Is it teenagers, is it older people? Is it Blacks, is it Hispanics? Is it men or women? Who's your audience? The ‘what’ question is, what are the special features of your product that you feel will appeal to this audience, so that they will choose your product over others? And then the third question is why? What reason can you give them? How can you communicate this specialty, this difference, the benefit to that audience? If you answer those three questions, you've got a sale. Monica: In your second lifetime you experienced a horrific auto accident that killed your first wife and left you in a coma for six days. When you came out of the coma and you began to recover, how did that experience change your life? Eaton: Well, I would say that prior to that experience I had been living my life perhaps unaware of the nature of the living process or the life process. It was just something I did. The accident both literally and practically gave me an opportunity to be outside of the life experience and observe what it was that I was experiencing. I had what you might call an out of body experience.
for ways to cut costs, and as you refer to the downsizing, they eliminated the music department. But again when one window closes, another opens. Again, thinking of my mother’s philosophy, what is the benefit on the other side of this? What is the opportunity that's being created when something like that happens? Every so-called trauma that I've experienced has simply created a greater opportunity. While I was working at the agency writing jingles and producing music, I had no rights to anything that I wrote. I was performing as an employee for hire, so all of the material, including the Beefaroni project which lasted for 30 years, was owned by the agency. The client and I received no royalties from it. When I left the agency and continued producing music, I was able to maintain the rights to the music that I wrote. Monica: Your fourth and current lifetime you say began in 1996 with your marriage to your wife Barbara, the birth of twin sons, a hip replacement and knee surgery. Eaton: Yes. But now for the first time in my life I am pain free and I have the glorious sedative of nurturing two beautiful twin boys, Ari and Robbie, who are just a delight to me. I can really appreciate them. I have five albums out now. I'm back to relaying the message that I feel God wants me to share with the world.
My first concern was I couldn't move my hands, but they were restrained, so that I wouldn’t disturb the intravenous attachment. God spoke to me and told me that he was saving my hands, because he wanted me to take a message to the world. I view my skills as a pianist to be a primary vehicle for doing that, but I can also say that my work in advertising served to that end also. Monica: In your third lifetime you experienced what many people are experiencing today and have in the past few years -- the downsizing of companies and staff being terminated. You were faced with the fact that you had very little or no income. How did you handle that situation? Eaton: Well, initially I handled it like any sane person would, and that is, I panicked. They were look-
ing May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 23
Minding My Business
If you intend to include advertising as a part of your marketing strategy, make sure you have an effective plan by asking the following questions about every ad:
Does the ad identify its intended audience? Does the ad communicate what the buyer will receive? Does the ad tell the buyer why he or she should purchase from you rather than your competitor?
Minding My Business
Marketing Basics For Business Success 5 Steps to Making and Keeping Customers By Kathy Kentty
first time, you have this one opportunity to impress them. The initial contact people have with your business, be it a restaurant, a lawn service or a maker of products, will determine whether the they will come back to buy from you again. Work with your staff so they know how to communicate with a customer, be it in person or on the telephone. Step Five Marketing communication (called MARCOM) are messages and related media used to communicate with a certain market. Whether you use Internet advertising, direct mail, newspapers, radio or television, these are a few steps you should consider. Step One As you think about advertising that will make a prospective customer aware of your business, remember the AIDA principle for your ad: Attract: ∗ ∗ ∗ ∗
Attention. Interest. Desire. Action.
Reinforce a customer’s positive belief and attitude.
The advertising piece should also create an expectation. Now that you have made others aware of your product, you must tell them how they will benefit from buying it. Remember, they will ask, “How will I benefit from this?” Your ad must provide a good answer to that question before customers will move on to the next step.
Be sure to keep the promises made in your advertising. Your marketing strategy should target a specific type of customer and satisfy a particular customer objective. It should accomplish this while staying within a budget you have allowed for it.
Step Three Encourage a trial purchase. A sales promotion that is included in the advertising gives customers an incentive to buy right now. Step Four Help the customer form a positive belief and attitude about your company. When they buy from you for the May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 25
Minding My Business
Don’t Give Up Your Dreams Move Forward with Confidence
I constantly see individuals who don't show up, who want to give up, and don't ask for help. They find it easier to believe a program isn't working or they are just not cut out for success. You hear them saying, “It’s not my fault... It’s the coach, the program, the people, the style”. I get it. When you aren’t getting the results you want, it’s someone else’s fault. You would rather it be something outside of yourself rather than your own inaction. We want to feel like we are a part of something bigger.
By Alexandra Watson You probably have a fear of failure and a fear of success all at once. You have it in your mind to be more and have more, but also in your mind are fears that you may be seen as a fake, a fraud and a phony. You may be thinking that you’re no good and you never were. You feel anxious about how devastated you will be when everyone sees that your charade and pretense have finally been revealed. Oh, the shame of it, right?!
Dear Alexandra: I recently signed up for a coaching program to help me build my business and self confidence, but it doesn’t seem to be having much of an affect. Other people in the group are making progress, but it seems that I am falling short of the mark. I’m thinking of quitting the program, what do you think?
You’re smart. You know that coaching and mentoring will help you get to the next level in your life, so don’t buy into your fears of not being good enough. I always smile when potential clients come up to me and say, “I know you get great results for people, but I just know your strategies won’t work with me.” It’s as if they feel they are so bad, so far gone, that even an expert can’t help them. That’s just nonsense. They want to feel significant and stand out as the person who can’t be helped or saved. It’s tragic, dramatic and not true. Let me ask; are you in the process of quitting? It seems to me you have already given up. Whenever something is not working for you, ask yourself the following question: Am I taking 100% responsibility for myself?
Answer: As human beings it is in our nature to be among like-minded people. We are not solitary human beings, which is why everyone is born with a natural ability to fit in. So stop for a moment and think about why you seem to be standing out. There’s nothing wrong with being outstanding. Heck, I’m an advocate for doing that, but as long as it is not for the wrong reasons.
Taking responsibility for your own actions and results is paramount. You can be given the best strategies in the world but if you don’t follow through on them, you’ll never reap the rewards. So can you put your hand on your heart and truthfully say you have taken full responsibility?
Standing out because you want to stay still rather than move forward, will not lead to success. If you bought into the belief that success is easy, then you’re simply not being told the truth. Success takes hard work, focus, tenacity, determination and the magic that happens when you act in the face of your fears.
If quitting were not an option what would my next step be?
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The next question I would like you to think about is:
Let’s pretend you are going to give up the program, then what? How do you plan to move forward? Will you begin another program or quit accepting guidance and help altogether? Think about it for a minute. If you quit this what
Minding My Business
will it teach you? What will you get out of it? Where would you go next? What if the next program supposedly fell short too?
You actually quit I told you! There, you’ve actually followed through. Congratulations!
You could end up spending thousands and thousands of dollars going from one program to the next, wasting your time and energy, while you chip away at your self esteem until you believe that you are a hopeless case and that there isn’t a person in the world who can help you.
You feel short term relief Enjoy it while it lasts...well it’s over already!
Here’s the cycle of quitting step by step; You fear that you are not good enough to succeed Believe you are good enough, or fake it until you make it.
You start second-guessing yourself and worrying whether anything or anyone can help you at all, ever. The torment worsens. When are you going to stop this and just believe that you can do anything you want to do? You’ve got to give yourself a chance. Then presto! Back comes the fear and the cycle goes on and on.
You start to blame others for not getting the results you desire when, in fact, you have undermined your results. When you look around for someone to blame, do an honest self-assessment first. What are you not doing that is affecting your results? What are you doing that is affecting your results? What can you do right now to make a quick and easy improvement to change the situation?
I strongly believe you should see this through until the end. Finish it and throw yourself into it leaving all your doubts and worries behind you. Give the program a chance to build momentum for you like all good programs should. Let go and dive in because there is a lot to be said when the student is ready and the teacher arrives…and I think you are ready.
You project your feelings outwardly rather than internally to get to the real issue. Whenever you feel angry or want to quit there is some underlying issue that isn’t being addressed. Success is 20 percent strategy and 80 percent mindset, so what is happening to your 80 percent? Ask yourself the following questions: What is this really about? What do you fear the most? How would you ideally like to feel? What can you do to move towards this today?
Sometimes becoming successful requires taking a leap of faith in either your coach or yourself. Decide which one to go for. Allow yourself to assume the responsibility and opportunity to grow. Moving towards success will always be your greatest teacher. It is the best self-development on the planet because of who you have to become in order to be successful. If you want something you’ve never had before, you have to do something you’ve never done before. So jump in and enjoy the process.
You begin to feel overwhelmed and feel that you can never make your way out of the situation. You can stay in this place for a long time, even years, if you don’t do something about it. There is no hiding when it comes to success; you have to take action…inspired action. Listen to your gut, your instinct, your soulfulvoice, your heart…whatever you want to call it, just stop listening to your fears. Again, you turn to blame, this time in detail. You pick out small reasons why this isn’t working. You begin naming names. You now get serious about quitting. In fact you’ve already decided this is what you’re going to do, and now you’re just using your time and energy looking for excuses. May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 27
Minding My Business
It a Family Affair: Making ‘Copreneurship’ Work
Formulas to Help You Grow Your Business By Kathy Kentty
By Donna Carletta Many of America’s family-owned businesses are run by husband-andwife teams. Usually when the entrepreneurs (also called copreneurs) have a great relationship, their business thrives. Small business specialists at North Dakota State University say the secret to making it work is having a good marriage in the first place. Even then, the constant interaction, the trials of doing business in a difficult economy, and juggling work and personal life can be daunting. Here is some advice for copreneurs:
• Each partner should take on the role he or she fills best. The one who is a great salesperson might not be the best choice for business manager or technology administrator.
• If this is a partnership, one spouse should not work for the other as an employee. It’s fine to discuss how the business is progressing and how you can grow it but don’t critique each other's work.
• Avoid letting arguments get personal and avoid letting personal arguments affect the business.
• Don’t hold a grudge. Settle everything by the end of the day. If at all possible, don’t let business problems spill over into your personal life.
• Make sure you schedule some personal time. Visit friends, have a date night, or walk together for relaxation and good health.
• Find trusted employees or business advisers to help you work out issues that you can’t agree on. They can help settle differences of opinion about the business or the path the business should take in the future. The right business advisors can also help you grow your business the smart way
• Don’t make major decisions without consulting your spouse. To explore the issue further, check Sleeping With Your Business Partner: Communications for Couples in Business Together by Dr. Mike Gross and Dr. Becky Stewart-Gross. Are you thinking of taking the plunge? For couples thinking of starting a business, advisors at The Wall Street Journal suggests they both jot down what they hope to accomplish, then see if their goals mesh. If one wants to move full speed ahead and the other looks forward to having more time for sports and long lunches, going into business together might not be a good idea.
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When Fortune Magazine interviewed leaders of large and small firms, they gave a few eye-opening pieces of advice on how to grow a business. Check these out to determine whether any of their formulas could be pivotal growth-growing points in your business. 1. Find an edge over competition. Look at your industry's biggest cost and time constraints and focus on those areas of your business. 2. Describe your business in one or two words. Own a phrase that illustrates your product or service then Google it to see if you have chosen the right one. One beverage company used "enhanced waters." 3. Focus on one measurable priority for your company, not a dozen. For 90 days, focus on one problem in your business. 4. Control your cash flow. Construct a business model that fuels your growth without the need for outside financing. 5. Use blogs, white papers, YouTube and Twitter to flood the Internet and align the business with the phrase you own. 6. Make changes faster. The fastestmoving companies huddle daily, as if in crisis mode, to drive their priorities.
Minding My Business
can work with your accountant to make adjustments to your withholdings, so that you can get access to your money throughout the year to put into a high-interest bearing
Five Easy Ways to Build Your Cash Reserve By William R. Patterson To prepare for emergencies and to take advantage of new investment opportunities, you will need to save up enough money to cover at six to twelve month’s worth of living expenses. And even more if you are considering a large purchase such as a house, car or business. Here are five quick BARON tips that can help you easily build up a cash reserve on even the tightest of budgets.
• Commit to save your overtime pay, holiday pay, and the extra earnings from any months where you have three paychecks. Most people won’t miss the extra income and this can quickly add up to several thousand dollars in savings by yearend.
• “Pay yourself first” with automatic deductions. You can elect to have a designated amount of money automatically deducted from your paycheck or bank account and deposited into a high-yield savings or money market account. Even if you are only able to set-aside a small amount of money such as $50 per month, it can have a huge compounding effect, as the $600 you’ll save a year will enable you to raise your insurance deductibles and save more money by lowering premium payments.
• Save the money from consolidating your long-term debt, doing comparison shopping, purchasing con-
solidated services, and doing better planning to reduce late fees and penalty fees. While some things may take a bit of discipline, the financial results will be well worth the effort.
• Save your year-end bonus. Whether your bonus is $500 or $15,000, you would be wise allocate it toward your reducing your debt and increasing your savings. As bonuses are usually the largest windfall of cash for individuals throughout the year, they provide the most significant way to jump start your savings.
account. On top of your refund, the interest you accrue will add a few hundred dollars to your account. With these strategies, you can painlessly save several hundred to several thousand dollars a year, even if you are currently living paycheckto-paycheck. And most importantly, these strategies help you to develop sound financial habits that will not only allow you to achieve your smaller savings goals, but also your six-figure or million-dollar investing goals.
• Save your tax refund. With tax refunds averaging about $2,500, they are another significant windfall of cash that can move you rapidly toward your savings goal. If you routinely receive large refunds, you May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 29
Minding My Business
A Few Tips to Improve Cold Calls
By Kathy Kentty
by Donna Carletta
Making an initial call to a business prospect can be difficult, but there are a few things you can do to make more deals, starting with the first call. Research the company in the interview. Make sure you’re up-to-date on current news and information about the prospect's organization. Find out whether the company had a good quarter and whether the division is doing well. Most great salespeople do more. They research the marketing executive and create a page of facts they can refer to. It includes information about what makes that person a human being, his hobbies, his family, his favorite charity, and his outside interests. Understanding the contact will make the first meeting more successful than one where you know nothing about him or her. Finding common ground is a bonus. If you are members of the same organization or can connect through having the same interests, the meeting will be easier than talking to a total stranger.
Identify Opportunities to Solve People's Problems What is a resonator? In their new book, Tuned In: Uncover the Extraordinary Opportunities That Lead to Business Breakthroughs, authors Craig Stull, Paul Myers, and David Meerman Scott say: It’s a breakthrough offering that people instantly understand and will be happy to pay for. Every business is looking for one. To increase their chances of a breakthrough, the authors say companies should look for the problems of real people, more specifically, people the company is not yet serving. They have one caution: Create products or services that satisfy the needs and wants of actual people, whether they are individuals or are with companies. Sometimes, in their search for innovation, an organization will pursue an idea that company leaders like. The company may go forward with a project based on the leaders’ personal experience or hunches rather than actual data. Successful innovators develop products by connecting deeply with consumers. Their well-constructed chapters provide a six-step “Tuned in Process” complete with examples of how the process worked in a broad span of industries. Here’s an idea which may apply to many businesses. The authors say focusing on potential customers is more profitable than enhancing products in order to please existing customers. Presumably, there are many more potential customers than the number a company already has. In the chapter “Articulate Powerful Ideas,” the authors show how to talk about a business differently to different groups. They compare smart marketers to comedians who know which jokes will work on which audiences. Tuned In: Uncover the Extraordinary Opportunities That Lead to Business Breakthroughs, by Craig Stull, Phil Myers, and David Meerman Scott, Wiley, 2008, 224 pages.
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Minding My Business
When Negotiating, Compromise To Win By Greg Williams
During a negotiation, there’ll be times when you’ll be required to compromise. The way you compromise, signals the importance of some terms of the negotiation versus others. Thus, it will behoove you to be coy at times when compromising in a negotiation. How then should you compromise in a negotiation and what strategies should you employ? The following are seven thoughts to contemplate in your negotiations, when dealing with compromise. 1. Most negotiators state, you should never compromise too quickly in a negotiation. In general, that’s good advice. The way you compromise should be dependent on the situation and on what it is you’re negotiating. If you whimsically cast off an item as not being important, you can concede it haphazardly. If on the other hand, you wish to convey importance of an item, hang on to it like life itself. Be dogmatic about compromising it and exact a high price in return for your acquiescence. 2. Consider using an implied compromise as a stalling tactic. This can give you more time to prepare and/or implement another strategy (ex. I think I can accommodate you, but I have to get the OK from my boss.).
7. By being known for the way you compromise, you create an image of who you are. When negotiating over a period of time, such an image can be beneficial to you.
3. Whenever you compromise, consider getting something, as the result of giving something. 4. You can also utilize the compromising process as a decoy. You’d employ such a tactic by giving value to a covenant of the negotiation that really doesn’t possess the degree of value proclaimed. In so doing, you can divert attention away from a covenant that possesses more value. 5. By compromising easily, you can give the appearance that you’re an easy person to negotiate with, which could cause the other negotiator to drop her guard. 6. Always ask yourself the question, is it worth it to negotiate if a loss is eminent? If there’s a future strategic position that can be gained, consider how you will utilize compromises to attain that position. After all, a loss can be a win, if you continue with the negotiation. Just be mindful of minimizing your loss.
Sometimes, there’ll be situations that you know you can’t win, and yet it will behoove you to negotiate. So, why should you fight when you know the chances of winning are slim? You should consider doing so to position yourself for future negotiations, or the next phase of the negotiation. Since compromise occurs in all aspects of life, by knowing how, when, and the right environment to compromise, you can enhance your negotiation outcomes … and everything will be right with the world. Remember, you’re always negotiating.
The Negotiation Tips Are … * Always seek to compromise where and when appropriate to enhance your position. * Strive to get something in return for a concession. When compromising, if all you get is a chit, it can become something of value that you can use in the negotiation. * In your negotiations, have items ready to use that have no importance to you, for the purpose of compromise.
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Minding My Business
51 Ways to Increase Your Credibility, Visibility and Hire Hire-- ability By Annemarie Cross
Do you want to increase your credibility, visibility and hire-ability? Are you struggling to stand out in a competitive market place and unsure what else you could be doing to reverse this? Here are over 50 ways you can increase your level of credibility, visibility and hire-ability so that next time an ideal client is ready to move forward – YOU are the person they decide to invest in. Which will you start implementing today? Increase Credibility with a Powerful Signature Brand: 1. Take the time to define and build a Signature Brand that is authentic and that will distinguish you from your competitors 2. Develop a professional bio across all your social media and online profiles to build a consistent on-brand message about you and the value you offer 3. Include a link on your social media and online profiles that directs visitors back to a web page that continues to add value and showcase your expertise 4. Create a well-written ‘About Me’ page that captures your brand voice so readers can get a sense of the ‘real’ you 5. Develop a succinct Media Page to make it easier for media representatives to learn more about you and how you can help them Increase Visibility by Creating and Sharing Compelling Content: 1. Answer a pressing question that your ideal client often asks and publish this on your blog 32 | Exceptional People Magazine | May-June 2012
2. Search for other popular blogs (relevant to your field of expertise) and contribute thoughtful comments on selected blog posts 3. Write a book/product review 4. Write a book and self-publish it 5. Write an ebook 6. Write a white paper 7. Setup a YouTube channel and continue to create informative videos 8. Setup an iTunes channel and continue to create inspiring podcasts 9. Establish an online Radio show/podcast 10. Record a podcast with Audacity and include in a blog post 11. Record an audio tip (with Audioboo.fm) 12. Be interviewed by a colleague and use the audio as part of your next blog post 13. Write a series of helpful tweets using relevant hashtags to get your message in front of your ideal client 14. Know target keywords and phrases your ideal audience uses and sprinkle throughout your blog post 15. Write a guest blog post/article and submit for consideration to a popular blog that you know is frequently visited and read by your ideal client 16. Get invited to be a keynote speaker on a Telesummit that targets your ideal client 17. Attend a conference and write a number of posts about the speakers/topics and share your viewpoints 18. Regularly update your social media feeds with relevant, helpful information 19. Write a series of blog posts and schedule these to go out every second day. Make sure you tell your followers beforehand to create interest and anticipation for each upcoming post 20. Answer relevant questions on your topic of expertise on LinkedIn Answers 21. Join relevant LinkedIn groups and continue to build relationships with group members 22. Contribute to discussions and share your viewpoints on LinkedIn groups 23. Start a discussion on LinkedIn groups and encourage feedback 24. Share relevant resources (including articles, videos, podcasts etc) that will be helpful to your followers 25. Join a local networking group and continue to build and strengthen relationships within the group 26. Offer to speak at networking groups 27. Send out a well-written press release to capture attention of journalist specializing in your industry
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28. Foster relationships with journalist/bloggers in your industry and become known as a reliable source 29. Seek out joint venture opportunities and create an amazing product/service through your collaboration that continues to showcase your expertise in front of a larger audience 30. Write and send out a regular newsletter to your database/list 31. Monitor your social media feeds and contribute to conversations relevant to your field of expertise 32. Start a conversation on a forum relevant to your field of expertise and invite other people to comment and share their viewpoints Increase Hire-ability by Maintaining a Solid Reputation 1. Don’t destroy all the hard work you’ve done (through implementing the steps above) by creating digital dirt. Remember, it can take a life-time to build a solid reputation, which can be tarnished overnight by doing, saying or sharing something that is totally inappropriate 2. Continue to portray a consistent on-brand message in EVERYTHING you do and say, even the groups you join and the people you associate with 3. Monitor your social networks /online discussions about you and your company and respond accordingly 4. Compile testimonials from satisfied clients and showcase these on your website. Ensure comments include specific measurable outcomes 5. Collate snapshots of ‘thank you notes’ and other impressive comments about you (with permission of course) mentioned across social media platforms and showcase these on your website 6. Ensure your ‘About Me’ page includes snippets/ comments of satisfied customers as well as awards/ other recognition 7. Bring your video camera with you when you are a guest speaker and record videos of individual participants singing your praise. Include in your ‘About Me’ and Testimonial page 8. Continue to do as much as you can from the ‘Creating & Sharing Compelling Content’ section above to build a reputation as an authority in your field 9. Build your Signature System and ensure you also have all the other 4 key pillars in place to increase your hire-ability
And in summary: 1. Plan and schedule your content development strategy outlining which ways you are going to implement in order to build your visibility 2. Make sure you are doing at least one of these things every single day 3. Be consistent in what you send out including being on-brand in everything that you do and how regularly you post/share information 4. Monitor and track what you do regularly so that you can identify what’s working and continue to do this, and identify what’s not working so you can tweak it in order to get better results 5. Don’t give up if results aren’t immediate. It takes time and commitment to build credibility, visibility and hire-ability. Stick with it!!!! Bonus Tip: Ensure core elements of your Signature Brand are captured and communicated across all your brand touch points including your:
• • • • • • • • • • •
Logo Business card Business stationary Answering machine message Email signature Website Social media platform backgrounds/graphics Office furniture Your personal image/presentation Presentation material Email address, etc
Have Your Say! So what do you think? Are you doing these things already? If not, which are you going to start implementing so that you can begin building your credibility, visibility and hire-ability? To your success and brilliance! Annemarie
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Minding My Business
Achieving the big By Keasha Lee
We live in a society that promotes individuality, goalsetting and freedom. America is the land of the free and we’re all really very fortunate to have so many opportunities available for us to do what we love and create the life that we want. The good thing about options is that they provide us with contrast. We can discover what it is that works for us or after discovering that one avenue doesn’t work, plan on choosing a different one. There is however, something quite contradictory in our society. While there is a plethora of ways to create something unique and amazing that can inspire others, we’re bombarded with the same images in our media outlets that tell us success and fame come to those who look, behave, and do certain things for a living. This is hogwash! We’re passively taking in this information without discerning that there are many people living the lives of their dreams without the constant scrutiny of paparazzi, or who don’t obsess over aesthetic beauty, and most of all, have created new and interesting ways of making the world a better place without even caring about the recognition. We fall victim to trying to appease or to live in a way that society says we should. The idea that we must live up to some kind of status to truly be successful doesn’t exist and can’t possibly exist for all of us in the first place because we all have desires, hopes, and dreams, that aren’t the same for any two people. Don’t believe the hype. If you’re struggling with figuring out what your niche is in the world, take your time and visit a few social media sites to get loads of information and refine alerts and searches to those concepts that interest you the most. 34 | Exceptional People Magazine | May-June 2012
Social media helps expose us to new ways of expression, ideas, and information. Major sites like Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Google+ provide amazing platforms where you can discover what professional people are doing all over the world. I can say that social media has changed my outlook on life. By witnessing how people are making a very comfortable monetary living from creating services that are based on their very own personalities was bewildering to me. Anything is possible in this life if you are willing to set yourself apart and put all of your focus and effort into it. Guess what else you can use these wonderful sites for? Showing the world who you are! More than one person can go into the same industry, we see this all the time. The difference between someone who can consistently see growth in their work relationships and progress overall is the ability to be original. We are all unique and in order to share that unique gift, we must embrace it. There is no one way street to success, there are multiple trails, valleys, peaks, rivers, and oceans that will get you to your destination. Take it easy and take the time to discover what it is that really makes you feel good. If it feels good and you can find a way to showcase it in a way that makes sense to you and to others, go for it! Be authentic, be true to yourself, and be original. Playing it safe doesn’t work anymore, it actually never did. You have to find your own path and while you’re there, make sure you kick some pebbles and dig some holes. Remember this is your journey, own it.
Food For Thought
ISSN 1944-9062 Founder and Publisher Monica Davis
“The greatest assassin of life is haste, the desire to reach things before the right time which means over-reaching them.”
Jon Crump Marla Gem Beatrice Roots
Juan Ramón Jiménez
Donna Carletta Kathy Kentty Pat Markel
Other Writers and Contributors
“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” Don Marquis
“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” Aristotle
“ Knowledge is of two kinds: we know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information upon it.” Samuel Johnson
“Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity is a greater.”
Annemarie Cross Andrew Horton Catherine Galasso-Vigorito Dawn Abraham Dawn McCoy Dorothy Rosby Eileen Lichtenstein Greg Williams Inez Bracy Jack Canfield Keasha Lee Margaret Paul Rosalind Sedacca Sharon Raiford Bush Shelley Riutta Sue Urda William R. Patterson
Exceptional People Magazine is published bimonthly by Atela Productions, Inc. The opinions of the contributors are not necessarily those of Atela Productions, Inc.
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36 | Exceptional People Magazine | May-June 2012
Professional and Personal Development
Always aim to be the best at what you do. This means constantly improving your skills and updating your knowledge in your area of expertise.
Inspiring Baby Boomers to Re Re--invent Themselves
agent of change, Ann Fry has long been a catalyst for helping people re-invent themselves, especially the baby boomer generation. Born on the first day of the boomer generation, January 1, 1946, she is an advocate for inspiring an entire generation to live healthy and vibrant lives and, as they grow older, to speak their minds about issues that relate to them. As the founder of We Are Booming, Fry has created a platform that is dedicated to providing the boomer generation with an opportunity to voice their concerns and have open discussions about aging. Her approach to re-invention however, is not just for her generation. As a social worker, she stresses and encourages reinvention at any age and in any circumstance. Fry is an entrepreneur, speaker and executive coach who helps reenergize, re-purpose and re-invent workplace cultures. Her mission is to spread a far-reaching positive message about living well while growing older. Fry shared with Exceptional people Magazine her vision and thoughts about encouraging the baby boomer generation to change how they view themselves and how society views them. Monica: Why did you become interested in the baby boomer generation? Ann: My interest began when I was turning fifty. I am sixty-five. When I was fifty, there was a lot of media coverage about baby boomers turning fifty and entering the second phase of life.
I was on the front page of the newspaper and it was a big deal. Someone had found me, and they evidently looked at drivers’ licenses in my state and possibly other parts of the country. My new initiative began last fall. I’ve been doing work for a long time in the arena of re-invention -- how people re-invent their lives, careers and relationships. I’ve been speaking and coaching on the subject for a number of years. I began thinking that the baby boomers should be looking at that as well. As I approached my 65th birthday, this was an even greater demarcation than 50, because now at age 65 we’re considered senior citizens. There were many articles filled with doom and gloom – the baby boomers are going to break the bank, they’re so selfish, they’re going to tap into money that the government can’t afford to spend. I didn’t like the tone of it at all. Last year, I personally experienced breast cancer. Through that entire year of being in my sixties and dealing with breast cancer, living in New York City and having to go across town on buses, I realized that there wasn’t enough respect for older people in this culture. People wouldn’t give me a seat. They could see that I was sick, but they would not offer me a seat.
to open doors, give their seats to older people and other courtesies. Another thing I think is truly responsible for that is the media. The media portrays seniors in somewhat undesirable ways. If you watch television and you watch the commercials, in what types of ads do you see older people? Frankly, you see us in pharmaceutical and wheelchair ads, or in assisted-living facilities. You also see seniors in commercials featuring walk-in bathtubs or medical equipment. In the media I think seniors are portrayed as old, decrepit individuals, with no pizzazz. I think another cause is technology. I notice when I go in and out of my building, oftentimes the younger kids don’t bother to see if there’s someone behind them, so they just let the door go. They’re busy texting or busy listening to their iPods. I don’t think that they want to be rude; I think they're just not aware. I’m not labeling them as bad or wrong. It’s just what I have been observing over the last several months. I started speaking with a group of people about doing something to acknowledge the baby boomers. Growing up in the sixties, we were vocal
Monica: Why do you think there’s a lack of respect for the older generation? Ann: I blame it on a couple of things. First of all, we haven’t taught the younger generations that their elders are worthy of respect. Overall, as a culture, I don’t think we do that. In one regard we should blame ourselves for not training our kids May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 39
My new initiative called, We Are Booming can be a platform for changing ideas where we begin to see people who are aging in a more positive light. We can pose questions to all age groups, such as what is the upside to getting older?
and we spoke about what we believed in. We rallied in the streets, we fought against the war and we brought feminism to the forefront. I think somewhere along the way we lost that. I’m not suggesting that we go back to the sixties, but I am suggesting that perhaps we can change concepts about aging by bringing it to the forefront.
Most media advertising, for example, is directed to the younger generation, because I think they know we’re probably more conservative with our spending, we make decisions before spending. With the younger generation, you can really grab their attention with new fashions, makeup or technology. However, the older generation has more money to spend. If you look at the 78 million baby boomers that are going to be turning 65 over the next 18 years, we’ll have $2 trillion to spend. Advertisers are losing out by not focusing on things that are really important to us and including us in their advertising. Monica: At the age of sixty, you reinvented yourself. In what ways did you do that? Ann: I’ve done it many different times with different careers and in other ways but this was the biggest re-invention. When I was 56, I left a marriage that just wasn’t working. I had been married for 25 years. We outgrew each other, and I finally had the courage to move on. As I was approaching my 60th birthday, I started seriously
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thinking about doing something to change my life. I didn’t want to change my career because I love what I do as a speaker and coach, but I was ready to change my location, add new friends, meet new people and have some excitement. At age 60 I sold everything and moved to New York City from Austin, Texas, and started a new phase of my life. I also believed that I would get more movement going on some of my ideas in New York. Monica: Would you say that reinventing yourself means wiping the slate clean and starting anew? Ann: People think that to re-invent yourself you have to wipe the slate clean or do something radical, but it doesn’t have to be that way. It can be as simple as re-inventing your look or changing your image. After my hair grew back from cancer treatments, instead of coloring it and going back to the way I used to look, I reinvented my look. It grew back in a silver-white color and I went with it. Re-inventing can also mean downsizing, going from a bigger house to a smaller living experience. It can be an experience of taking a trip someplace. For some people re-inventing themselves is big -- they get a divorce or maybe change their careers, but it doesn’t have to be scary. My favorite saying is: “Every time you fail to honor yourself, a little piece of your spirit dies.” I run re-invention workshops and I ask people what they always wanted to do. They reply, “I don’t know.” Then we start digging a little deeper to determine what would light them up and make their hearts sing.
and re-inventing the workplace culture what does that include?
Monica: Part of your mission is to encourage volunteerism and giving back. Ann: Absolutely. My passion and purpose is to inspire the masses and to get them to think about making a difference. It’s about using our wisdom and applying it in a way to make the world a better place. Most baby boomers and younger people have children, and I think one of the things for us to do is to leave the world a better place for our children.
Ann: I’ve been doing this for about 15 years. I call it regenerating a culture -how do you create an employee-centered environment, one that is more concerned about its employees than its customers? When I say that, they look at me like I’m crazy. My philosophy is how you treat your employees will make all the difference in the world. If you take care of your employees first, then they will be so loyal and dedicated to your purpose that they, in turn, will take care of your customers.
Ann: It’s really important to take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. I think for most of us our purpose in life is to serve others. Therefore, we have that responsibility to ask, “How I can make the best use of ‘me,’ so that I can be there for others?”
What does it look like when you have the utmost respect for the people who work for your company? What kind of management skills do you need to empower, validate and create passion and purpose for your employees so they really feel they are a vital part of that organization?
Oftentimes we think in the “now,” and I would like our platform to make a difference for generations to come. It’s a platform for changing the conversation about aging – what does it mean to be an older person, what’s the upside, how can I harness my energy and expertise and find my own passion? How can I share it with the world? It’s about changing the dialogue and teaching people about respect.
There’s one last saying that’s mine that I’d really like to mention and that is, “You are ripping off the world if you’re not being who you are meant to be.” When we’re playing small, we’re depriving others, not just ourselves. I think all of us have “that bigger purpose,” but we don’t always know what it is. Once we figure it out, we need to move in that direction.
Monica: When you speak to people and organizations about repurposing
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Career Sustainability: Five essential career management strategies to bolster your employability status during turbulent times. By Annemarie Cross Due to the instability across many industries, never before has it been more important for people to begin implementing some key career management initiatives to strengthen their overall employability.
opportunity to work with. This will allow people in other departments to become aware of your strengths, enthusiasm and valuable contributions, thus enhancing your overall value to the company.
Here are five key career management initiatives you should begin implementing today:
4. Be Prepared
1. Be Relevant Gone are the days where you attain your degree or diploma and never have to undergo any further professional development throughout the rest of your career. Companies are continuing their development and advancements so they can maintain their competitiveness in constantly evolving marketplaces, and so should you. Ensure your knowledge and skills don’t become stagnant by undertaking ongoing professional development so you are familiar with latest technologies and methodologies in your specific industry. 2. Be Significant Avoid building a reputation for being a complainer and bearer of bad news whenever a problem, obstacle or issue arises within the workplace. Rather than complaining, be proactive and bring forward some suggestions on how you believe the problem can be overcome. This way you become known as a problem solver, an initiator and a can-do person that can face a challenge head on, rather than someone who is negative and constantly complaining about arising challenges.
Whether a career change is on the horizon for you, one of the most important tools that you will need during your transition is your personal marketing document – your résumé. Make sure your résumé is up-to-date and identifies your strengths, achievements and overall promise of value, so that you can begin marketing yourself as a valuable addition, should an opportunity arise.
5. Be Positive This is probably the most crucial of all six steps, with your entire persona (either in the workplace or job market) strengthened or weakened, depending on the level of your positivity and ability to bounce back should you be faced with the situation of having to make a change. Every situation can be viewed from a positive and negative viewpoint – how you choose to look at it is entirely up to you. Remember: what you concentrate on expands, so if you continue to buy into the fear and hysteria the media continues to portray, it will make it all the more difficult for you to survive and thrive. How are you going to maintain relevancy, significance and positivity during these turbulent times?
3. Be Known Develop a reputation throughout the organization as a valuable team player that continuously adds value to whatever task or project you are working on. To connect with people outside your immediate team, become involved in special projects that may include people from other divisions/ departments that you ordinarily may never have had the 42 | Exceptional People Magazine | May-June 2012
To your success! Annemarie
The Formula that Puts You in Control of Success
What Most People Do When people don’t like the outcomes they are experiencing, most choose to blame the event (E) for their lack of results (O).
By Jack Canfield
In other words, you can blame the economy, the weather, the lack of money, lack of education, racism, gender bias, the current administration in Washington, your wife or husband, your boss's attitude, the lack of support, and so on. If you’re a golfer, you've probably even blamed your clubs or the course you’ve played on – but never yourself. This is what most people do.
What prevents you from achieving the success you want? Is it a lack of money, free time, or opportunities at work? Have you not achieved your goals because of the economy, what your business colleagues have done (or not done), or the lack of motivation among your employees? Perhaps you place the blame on how you were raised or on your family for not giving you the proper amount and type of support. If you responded to my question with a laundry list of reasons why you aren’t where you want to be, you’re not alone. Most people automatically find excuses and blame others when things don’t work out the way they want. This seems to be particularly true in the United States, where many people buy into the myth that we are entitled to success and happiness – that someone else should be giving us what we want.
However, if unlimited success is your goal, looking outside of yourself is a strategic error. The most important lesson you must understand that you are 100 percent responsible for your life – the good and the bad. The formula I like to use to explain this concept is: E+R=O (Events + Responses = Outcome) The basic idea is that every outcome you experience in life (whether it’s success or failure, wealth or poverty, wellness or illness, intimacy or estrangement, joy or frustration) is the result of how you have responded to an earlier event in your life. Likewise, if you want to change the results you get in the future, you must change how you respond to events in your life … starting today.
It’s true that these factors exist and that they impact you. However, if they were the deciding factor in whether someone succeeded or not, nobody would ever succeed. For every reason it’s not possible, there are hundreds of people who have faced the same circumstances and succeeded. The deciding factor in success is not the external conditions and circumstances. It’s how you choose to respond (R). We think limiting thoughts and engage in self-defeating behaviors. We defend our self-destructive habits (such as drinking and smoking) with indefensible logic. We ignore useful feedback, fail to continuously educate ourselves and learn new skills, waste time on the trivial aspects of our lives, engage in idle gossip, eat unhealthy food, fail to exercise, spend more than we make, fail to tell the truth, don’t ask for what we want, and then wonder why our lives aren’t working.
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What Successful People Do Successful people take a different approach to events. They simply change their responses (R) to the events (E) until they get the outcomes (O) they want. You can change your thinking, change your communication, change the pictures you hold in your head (your images of the world) and you can change your behavior (the things you do). That’s all you really have control over anyway. Unfortunately, most of us are being run by our habits. We get stuck in conditioned responses to our spouses and children, to our work colleagues, to our customers and our clients, to our students, and to the world at large. You have to gain control of your thoughts, your images, your dreams, daydreams, and your behavior. Everything you think, say, and do need to become intentional and aligned with your purpose, your values, and your goals. If you don't like your outcomes, change your responses.
The Formula in Action You don’t have to look far to find examples of how this works: consider the economy. When the Gulf War broke out, a friend of mine who owns a Lexus dealership in Southern California turned to this formula to guide him through the resulting impact on the economy. People stopped coming in to buy Lexuses, so he knew that his normal response (R) of running newspaper and radio ads wouldn’t be good enough to keep his business afloat. The outcome (O) he was experiencing
was a steady decrease of visitors to his showroom, as well as sales. So they tried a number of new things. Some didn’t work; some did. One of the strategies that worked was driving a fleet of new cars to where the rich people were – the country clubs, the marinas, polo grounds, parties in Beverly Hills and Westlake Village – and inviting them to take a test drive. Have you ever test-driven a new car and then gotten back into your old car? Suddenly your old car wasn’t good enough – you wanted the new car! The same thing happened for the people who took a Lexus for a spin, and many bought or leased a new car. By changing their response (R) to an unexpected event (E) – the war -- the dealership eventually got the outcome (O) they wanted … increased sales. In fact, they ended up selling more new cars per week than before the war broke out. If we all experience the same event, the outcome you get will be totally dependent upon your response to the situation. Carefully choose how you respond to events – how you choose to interpret events, how you choose to think about and talk about what happened, how you choose to act -- If you want to achieve better outcomes. Remember, you control your destiny … so make it a fantastic one!
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A Lateral Career Move— Is it a Good Choice? By Kathy Kentty In the present business climate, and with people deciding to put off retirement, climbing the corporate ladder is more complicated than ever. People on the ladder rungs above you just aren’t going anywhere. Making a lateral move may not be what you want, but it can give you a wider range of experience. Companies are trying to do more with less. Being agile can be as important as the having the ability to move up. If you are considering a lateral move, consider this advice: • Seek more responsibility, even if
the job has the same title and same pay. You want to influence and direct others. • Use company resources, such as
software programs, to help you make a decision. A collateral move can give you the opportunity to learn more about company operations, which can help you achieve your real goals later on. • Remember that lateral moves are
good choices in organizations that appreciate a skill in many areas. In her book, The Corporate Lattice, Cathy Benko says a good way to analyze a lateral move is by calculating how many future choices it gives you. After a few years in this economy, you might be up for new challenges and different responsibilities.
Are You One or Two Paychecks Away From Bankruptcy?
idea why. The first place to start is to build a budget and to work to reduce or eliminate all unnecessary expenditure.
By Andrew Horton
Action Idea: Identify all your absolute necessities every month, things like rent, food, transport costs, school fees, etc. Build a budget to take care of these first and then allocate the money that is left over as follows:
• 10 % - 30 % of your total income
Most of the incredibly effective ideas, tools and techniques that I am going to introduce to you in this article, are not new. They are all common sense and really simple to apply in your life and if you use them will make a massive difference to your financial wealth. The one huge challenge that you face is that as easy as they are to use and apply, so easy are they to avoid and neglect to carry out every day. If you are satisfied with the state of your financial health and you feel that you are on the path to create all the financial security you need, then you don’t need to apply any of these concepts in your life. If on the other hand you are like the majority of people and you are one or two pay checks away from bankruptcy, then what follows will most certainly be of great value to you. Do you have any idea how you spend all your money each month or are you flying by the seat of your pants and hoping that you have enough money at the end of each month? Most people have far too much month at the end of their money, but they have no
towards savings or as an additional payment towards paying off any credit card debt you may have accumulated. Pay off all debt as soon as possible. Until you have eliminated all non-real estate debt from your life, you must focus as many of your financial resources as possible on eliminating this debt. You are effectively on an entertainment and luxury item freeze, until you are back to a zero debt level. This must be an automatic debit from your account every month, you must never even see this money.
• 2 – 10 % of your total income to invest into your on-going education. I introduced a discipline of investing a minimum of 10 % of my income into coaches, books, seminars and personal growth materials a number of years ago. Within five years I had achieved financial independence.
• Build a budget for entertainment, clothing and restaurant dinners etc. This money must be put into a separate account and when this is finished, there is no more funding for these items, for that month. Never ever pull money from anywhere else to fund these luxuries. Increase your income.
This seems really simple and really obvious. Well do you have a set of specific and very clear goals and plans to increase your income over the next year, five years or even ten years? If you don’t have a crystal clear vision of what you want in your future and you continue to live your life like a paper cup blowing in a park, with no real intent or plan, something amazing is going to happen over the next five years, NOTHING! You will arrive somewhere five years from now a lot more disillusioned and further in debt. Action Idea: Invest the time to build a vision for your future financial position, create a set of crystal clear goals that will support this and then break these goals back into bite size chunks or achievable projects. Explore each project and build an action list, which will help you to identify all the individual actions you must carry out every day to achieve each project. Schedule time into your dairy to carry out these tasks every day, apply sufficient discipline to do the work, measure your progress as often as possible and you will see your income grow and your financial position improve. Once you begin to budget, you commit to eliminate all unnecessary expenditure from your life, you build a financial blueprint for creating the financial security you want in your future and you work your plan. All you need to do is remain disciplined, have patience and you will soon create the exact financial freedom you desire.
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Are You a Possibility Thinker?
By Shelley Riutta
“If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves.” Thomas Edison
I have been observing lately that there are two types of people: Possibility thinkers and Non-Possibility thinkers. I can typically tell in a matter of minutes what “camp” a person is rooted in. There are two kinds of possibility thinkers—one that sees possibilities and then takes action to bring these possibilities into reality. The other just explores possibilities but never takes the risks to actually pursue the possibility. Which one do you think you are? Here are some examples of Possibility Thinkers that I have encountered: 1. One woman who is 62 years old who was talking about taking one of my upper level programs to help manifest her vision said, “You know Shelley I am going to be around a LONG time and I will always continue to grow”. Very inspiring. She reminded me of my Breathwork teacher who in her early 60’s said of the work that she was doing in the world “I am just getting started!”
2. A friend of mine years ago was given a 5% chance to live because she had a very advanced stage of cancer. She was a determined possibility thinker and today, nine years later she is a healthy, vibrant woman and her cancer is considered not only in remission but cured. 3. I was in the Phoenix, Arizona airport and saw a picture of one of the oldest graduates who received her undergraduate degree and she was 94 years old! Anytime a client says they are too “old” to do something I use that as an example—it stops them in their tracks every time. 4. A friend of mine had a baby at the age of 42 years old and then her second baby at 46 years old and is traveling around the world with her husband and their two children. She had come to Green Bay, Wisconsin for a book tour and brought her youngest child who was a few months at that time! Wow! By the way, she had set her intention at the start of the year to write a book and have a baby. 5. All of my clients who have quit their “secure” jobs and have followed their passions say to me “If I would have known it would be this amazing I would have done it sooner!” So, are you a possibility thinker or not? Here are some questions to help you determine this. Check the questions that apply to you. 1. When someone brings up a new idea I like to explore how the idea might work, or when I come up with an idea I think of all the ways the idea could work_____
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2. When I think of things that I would like to do in my life I think of all the reasons why I can’t_____ 3. I have fun things planned in the future that I am excited about and looking forward to_______ 4. There have been things I have been thinking of doing for years and I have not taken action on them yet_______ 5. I love growing and learning about new things_______ 6. I talk about how many things are going wrong in the world and how things are getting worse____ 7. I surround myself by other possibility thinkers and we inspire each other_______ 8. My friends are just as stuck as I am and we talk about all the negative things that are going on in our lives______ If you checked off 1, 3, 5 and 7 you are a possibility thinker. If you checked off 2, 4, 6 or 8 then take a look at how you are unnecessarily holding yourself back. If you begin shifting your thinking to Possibility thinking you can begin to change the course of your life today.
10 Parenting Mistakes You Must Avoid with Your Kids
By Jean Tracy, MSS
Motivation is difficult when your kids won’t try. Some parents get so frustrated that they try unpleasant methods which crush motivation and discourage character. Below you'll learn 10 parenting mistakes you must avoid. 1. Praise Kids Only for Their Successes. Parents who praise kids only for their successes: • Create anxious perfectionistic kids • Discourage kids from trying unless they have a guarantee of success • Lessen kids’ ability to handle setbacks 2. Give Vague Encouragement Parents who use vague encouragement like, “Good job,” instead of “I like the way you smoothed out your bedcovers,” need to realize: • Kids won't know which behavior was good and should be repeated • Vague praise evaporates and kids forget • Specific praise motivates and increases the good behavior
3. Insist Children Become Experts in Outside Activities They Don’t Like Parents undermine the better use of their authority and teach kids to: • Resent authority • Rebel • Hate the activity 4. Point Out Mistakes Repeatedly Parents discourage children by: • Giving negative feedback without positive encouragement • Raising children with the, “Nothing I do is good enough” feeling • Causing children to “tune out” parents and their advice 5. Demand Children Think Beyond Their Attentions Spans Parents who insist kids stick to the same thing for great periods of time are forgetting:
• Young children have short attention spans • Many kids lack the focus and patience to attend to one activity for a long time • Tired thinkers give up. 6. Model the Opposite Behavior They Want Their Kids to Follow Parents who model poor behavior teach their children: • Parents don't practice what they preach • If parents thought the behavior was really important, they’d do it too. • Kids can ignore values and rules just like their parents do 7. Try to Motivate Kids with Nagging, Coaxing, and Lecturing Parents who use these methods teach kids:
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• They don't have to follow orders until their parents reach the boiling point • Kids don't have to start projects until their parents push them • Parents pressure and irritate
to achieve?” Consider your answers. Pick out the best ones and use them. If you do, you’ll be on the road to building character and raising a motivated child.
Here are some reasons why a credit score (a number between 300 and 850) still won’t tell you how a lender evaluates you: ∗ Some lenders give the best rates to
people with a score of 740, others may use 760 or higher. Some give credit to people with scores in the high 500s, but others require 620 or more.
8. Ignore Child’s Schooling Parents who don’t get involved with school and ignore report cards teach: • School’s not important • Grades don’t matter • School doesn’t prepare kids for a better future so why bother
∗ Credit scores don’t reflect whether
you are making good financial decisions or poor ones. If you refinance your home at a lower interest rate, inquiries could show up on your report. Credit inquiries lower your score.
9. Protect Kids from Difficulties and Failures
∗ Late payments show up on your
Parents who are over-protective teach their children: • They’re not strong enough to handle stress • They’re weak • They should give up if things are difficult 10. Put Downs, and Make Discouraging Comments about Kids’ Abilities Parents who act like a critical judge teach children: • They’re a disappointment • They’re worthless • Their efforts will be put down or ignored so why try
Different Credit Scores for Various Purchases
score for a couple of years, but paying down a high balance has an immediately beneficial impact. ∗ If you pay your credit card bill in
By Donna Carletta
Lenders use different credit scores for different purchases. If you have successfully navigated a website that offers to sell you your credit score, you may think you have all the information you need in order to apply for a loan or new credit card.
Motivation Conclusion: Avoiding Parenting Mistakes
That is not necessarily true. The score you received could be quite different from what a lender receives. Different scores are offered for mortgages, car loans, insurance and more.
If you use unpleasant methods to motivate your kids you’ll discourage them. To motivate kids, ask yourself, “Would this motivate me?” If not, don’t use it. Think a little deeper. Ask, “What has motivated me to want
Under the Fair Credit Reporting Act, lenders must either tell those who apply for credit what score was used, or tell them how it was used if the applicant doesn’t receive the best terms available.
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full every month, you don't get a zero balance on your credit report. The report shows the balance at the end of the billing period, before the payment. ∗ Rather than checking your score
frequently, you are better off making sure the information on your report is correct. Make your payments on time and reduce monthly balances for a month or two before applying for a loan or mortgage.
Persistence - Playing a Poor Hand Well By Dr. Margaret Paul Are you allowing the hand you were dealt to determine what you do in life, or are you willing to make the best of a poor hand? “Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.” – Josh Billings, 1818-1885 Research indicates that holding good cards is actually of great benefit in life. People born into wealthy families, who are emotionally and financially supported to become all they can be, have a great advantage over people from poor and emotionally unsupportive families. People who have to overcome childhood abuse have a much harder time in life than those who were loved. While some challenges do make us stronger, huge challenges such as severe childhood abuse can take such an emotional, spiritual and physical toll that the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” doesn’t always hold true. Despite all that, each of us has the opportunity to play a poor hand. I look back on the poor hand I was dealt, and I’m so grateful for the little bit of role modeling I received regarding persistence. I think it’s this one quality – persistence – that has enabled me to turn the poor hand into a very fulfilling life.
• Since I was born into a very poor family, I learned early how to earn money and become self-sufficient. From an early age, I persisted in earning and saving money.
• Since I was a lonely only child, with emotionally unavailable parents, I learned early to make friends and connect with others.
• Coming from a narcissistic mother and a sexually abusive father (my father was also the nurturer and the one who taught me persistence) I began my learning, healing and spiritual journey early in my life.
Wanting so much to overcome this severe disability led me to learn about and implement many different modalities into my life – from diet to spiritual surrender.
• Having been a very sickly, allergic child and hating being sick, I learned about nutrition early in my life to create the healthy body that I now live in at 72 years of age.
• Being a naturally empathic child and experiencing both my parents suffer so much, emotionally, in their lives, led me to co-create the profoundly healing Inner Bonding process.
• Desiring to share Inner Bonding with all those who are suffering and seeking relief, led me to spend the last 13 years developing the SelfQuest computer program that teaches the Inner Bonding process. There were so many huge challenges along the way, that if I hadn’t learned persistence, I would have let it go a long time ago.
• If I had not spent 30 years in a very challenging marriage, I would not have learned how to help others heal their relationships. Would I have persisted in all these things if I had been born with a silver spoon in my mouth? I don’t know. Certainly there are many people who are born with huge advantages who do wonderful things in the world. What I do know is that the good hand is not a prerequisite for manifesting yourself into being all you came here to be. We all have the opportunity to take the hand we are given and put forth persistent effort toward manifesting what is important to us. We can spend our energy blaming our past or our current circumstances, or we can spend our energy taking persistent loving action in our own behalf.
• I stuttered badly as a child, having inherited this from my father. But I had a lot to say, so I persisted in learning how to overcome this to become a public speaker. May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 49
Boost Your Self Self--Esteem, Boost Your Life By Eileen Lichtenstein The concept of expansion works wonderfully with improving self esteem! Imagine a drop of water (self esteem) expanding into a puddle, then into a lake! Then imagine yourself standing on the shore, throwing a pebble into the lake and seeing the expansion of the concentric circles. Here are some general tips to improve your self esteem. Feel free to adapt them:
Be kind and helpful. People appreciating you will make you feel better about yourself. List all of your positive traits and characteristics. Expand on the list with details and give a few concrete examples of each one.
Read the list out loud often.
Create affirmations from the list and attach in places you’re sure to see them every day.
Smile as much as possible even when you don’t feel like it. Smiling is great for your mood and it improves your look immensely!
Surround yourself with positive people.
Exercise and eat well so you feel good about your physical body.
Reward yourself each time you reach a goal for improving selfesteem or any other goal that you set for yourself as long as it’s not self destructive like binging on fatty foods.
Acknowledge if you’re having difficulty doing any of the above and seek out a life coach.
SOAR! with Resilience is a great resource for improving selfesteem! www.balanceandpower.com/ soarwithresilience.php.
Misery Loves Company A big issue that blocks improving self-esteem is taking things “personally” when it’s not indicated, i.e.: owning someone else’s misplaced anger. Usually the person blaming you is dealing with their own problem and simply wants company – like misery. For this reason, make sure to surround yourself with positive people. If you are living or working with someone negative, try building a “shield” around yourself. Visualize yourself surrounded by a protective white light energy that any inappropriate negativity directed at you bounces off. If possible, leave the scene. Once physically removed from the situation, take long deep breaths and reconnect with your affirmations.
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Breath in through your nose and belly rising before your chest, say an affirmation or a few key words like a mantra and exhale slowly, releasing any negative energy that may have touched you. Repeat this until you feel calm, confident and fortified for whatever lies ahead. You may also do the breath affirmation-release while walking briskly which will also work towards improving self-esteem. Another modality that can release negative energy is Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), an amazing practice based on meridian tapping together with powerful coaching and specific language. As with almost any “daunting” task, when you are motivated to succeed and have the intention to expand and energize your being, you improve your self-esteem.
What Message are You Sending in Your Emails? Are You Checking Your Emotional Tone?
By Kathy Kentty
We all have to put up with negative emails, but are you sure your own emails don’t have negative tones? When you speak to someone face-to-face, it’s easy to determine whether your message is getting across and whether you need to say more or less on a subject. When you speak to people on the telephone, you can judge how the communication is going by the tones and inflections in their voices. You don’t have these advantages in an email. Most often, emails are written quickly, only giving facts and opinions without much thought on how they will be received. People often say they don't have time to really think about the tone of what they write. It seems to be a common line of thought. Email should also be an effective communication tool and should be delivered to the recipient in a proper tone.
ToneCheck runs your written communications through a “sentiment analysis engine”. It determines the emotional tone of the text based on input from thousands of volunteers who rated text collected from across the Web. It’s like a spell checker for your emotions. Currently, the program is available for Microsoft Outlook, Gmail and Lotus Notes.
Sometimes when the writer is trying to be enthusiastic, it sounds little pushy. At least one CEO thought so. To help himself and others, he created a program called ToneCheck. It points out sentences, phrases and words in an email that give off negative tones. Businesses can use ToneCheck to create a company tone threshold, resulting in employees communicating in a more positive light. The program is currently free for download at: www.tonecheck.com. One thing it certainly does, according to Inc. Magazine is help people slow down and think about what they’re writing. That’s one of the best ways to create an email that works without ruffling anyone’s feathers. May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 51
www.exceptionalmag.com May-June 2012
Extraordinary Profiles 54
Derek O’Neill—Transforming Lives in a Phenomenal Way
Welcome Challenges Fearlessly
Esther Austin—Empowering Others to Live Abundant Lives
The Lighter Side 66
At Least My Phone is Smart
Baked French Onion Soup
Writers and Contributors
Cover Photo by Marcel Indik, www.marcelphoto.com
Always take time to appreciate the beauty that nature has to offer.
Transforming Lives in a Phenomenal Way
once in awhile we encounter a new phenomena; in this instance a person who has an incredible gift of understanding, knowledge and the ability to impact and transform lives. Derek O’Neill, an internationally acclaimed transformational therapist, has been recognized worldwide for his ability to help individuals change negative behaviors and conflicting thought patterns to reveal new exciting futures and much happier lives. He’s perfected the science of helping others transform their weaknesses into strengths and their fears into wisdom. He calls it “the sword and brush,” using the blade to cut away old patterns and the brush to help paint successful futures. Growing up as a young lad, O’Neill’s life was one that no child should ever have to experience. He was sexually abused. As he grew into adulthood, he began transforming himself from the inside out. He realized that although bad things happen to all of us, we can use those experiences to teach others to overcome adversity, while healing our own pain. “There is a blueprint in life that every person on the planet is made up from, no matter who they are,” says O’Neill and he has a keen sense of knowing how to help each person alter their blueprint so that they reach their goal with ultimate success. For the past 15 years, O’Neill has literally transformed the lives of thousands of people around the world. Through his genuine love and his positive outlook on life, he is able to relate to people from all backgrounds. With over 35 years of study in various forms of martial arts, he has pioneered a psychological program that allows him to help others eliminate pain and destructive behaviors and replace them with visions of hope and prosperity.
O'Neill has a reputation for excellence among CEO’s of major corporations, celebrities and others. O’Neill graciously shared insights of wisdom, personal triumph and success with the founder of Exceptional People Magazine. Monica: In order to help others gain a clear perspective of who they are and where they’re going in life you must first know who you are, where you’re headed and how you’re going to get there. When did you first learn that you had a clear vision of life and yourself and your ability to help others find their way through life? Derek: Good question. I believe I was about five years of age when a very ill child was brought into our home. I wanted to hold the child, and the adults were afraid that I would drop it. Eventually I held the child, and the very bad cough that the child held disappeared. After that, my mother looked at me very strangely. Nobody ever spoke about it until I was in my teens. It was obvious to my family that I was an unusual child. They actually nicknamed me Nature Boy, because I appeared preoccupied by what I call “headucation.” Headucation to me was where you were being stuffed with a lot of facts and figures and information that really didn’t seem to be worthwhile learning. I actually spent a lot of my time either pretending to be sick -- or what do you call it in America when you don’t go to school? Monica: Sometimes we call it skipping school; you don’t attend as often as you should. Derek: Yes, well I did a lot of that. Many days I could be found sitting beside rivers or lakes or in the forests. I was in pain in school. Monica: Was it physical or psychological pain?
As a humanitarian and philanthropist, O’Neill’s dedication and service to others is second to none. He was recently awarded Variety International’s Highest Honors Humanitarian Award, also shared by other prominent figures such as Sir Winston Churchill, Bob Hope, Frank Sinatra, Audrey Hepburn and Sammy Davis, Jr. His tireless efforts to improve the lives of children and families who are in need of love, shelter and the basic necessities of life have inspired others to look beyond their own needs to be a force of change in the world.
Derek: No. I felt that the education I was receiving was not the type of education that I should be given. The system was very competitive. It was more of a memory game than it was educational, because if you had a good memory, you would probably receive A-pluses. Of course if you didn’t have a good memory and were not able to remember facts, you probably would receive an F.
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I tell people in my workshops I didn’t realize that F stood for fabulous. When I received those F's on my report card, I didn’t realize that I was fabulous, but I do now.
Monica: Would you say that was the defining moment when you realized that you could use your life experiences to heal negative thoughts and behaviors in others?
Monica: You spent little time in school and you eventually joined the Army. In making that decision and following that path, what did you gain?
Derek: Absolutely. I witnessed training in the Army that under other circumstances would actually be called bullying. I’ll give you an example. When I was in recruit training, the sergeant had to teach the recruits unarmed combat, which is a part of infantry training. A couple of the lads had learned that I practiced martial arts. When the sergeant asked for volunteers, they all pointed to me and pushed me forward to attack the sergeant. When I ended up putting the sergeant flat on his back -- because at that time I had ten years of martial arts training -- he made me clean the gym floor for four days with a tooth brush. He would walk in every night at about 10 o’clock. I would have been up since 5 o’clock in the morning doing this. He’d walk in smoking, and he would tap his ashes on the
Derek: One of the reasons I joined the Army was because I also took up martial arts when I was about five or six years of age. Learning martial arts from an eastern philosophy rather than a western philosophy definitely had an influence on me. The reason I was very interested in joining the Army was because around the age of 17 or 18 when I joined, I was being considered as a potential candidate for the Olympic Games in the Judo category. I felt that the Army with its training rigor and discipline would be really good for what I believed was going to be my life’s path, which was potentially to teach martial arts. When I joined I found it to be quite difficult, because instead of it being a place of camaraderie, you were not only disciplined but they also tried to break you down so that you couldn’t think for yourself. In that type of setting you were more inclined to roam with the herd. It was not conducive to independent thinking. That really jarred my being, and I ended up spending only six years in the Army. 56 | Exceptional People Magazine | May-June 2012
floor and tell me I had missed a spot, go over it again. This continued for four or five days. I’m a trained psychotherapist now; I would call that bullying. There’s no discipline in that.
Monica: That is true. I think we need to learn to live not just within our means but below our means.
Derek: Yes. The army gave me good insight into what I call power and how it’s used for the betterment or degradation of others. It inspired me to look at how the mind works and who and what we were.
Derek: I’ve done a lot of traveling in India and Tibet and other places, and I always bring people to one point. I ask them to point to anything anywhere in the world that’s going to last forever. Obviously, they can’t point out such an object. I begin to show them that life is forever changing and that we’re here for whatever period of time God graces us with. It’s up to us to enjoy and participate in life as much as we can.
The upbringing that I had was quite a difficult upbringing. The interesting aspect of it was that when I attended school in my earlier years, I was sexually abused by a teacher. This definitely played a part in my decision to avoid going to school. My life appeared to be mapped out as far as observing people who seemed less strong and more in need than others.
Monica: When we are faced with adversity, human nature often causes us to become fearful and doubtful. Part of your life’s mission is to help people transform their fears into strengths and their weaknesses into wisdom. How can you help people see a clearer vision; that they can live abundantly and peacefully, despite their current circumstances?
Monica: You have chosen to become a transformation therapist. As a transformation therapist, what role do you play in the lives of others?
Derek: I sit with them and I ask them a series of questions that are quite revealing, such as who they are, where they’ve come from and what they’re vision is for the future. I’m forever blown away by the fact that people only need three things: love, nourishment and security.
Monica: It’s meant to break you down.
Derek: People tell me over and over that after having gone to psychotherapists, psychologists and psychiatrists, that I’m very approachable. I’m very open about my own life experiences and how I was able to overcome challenges ranging from an alcoholic mother to child abuse. What I discovered as a therapist was there is a blueprint in life and as complicated as life is, the blueprint is that we are attracted to pleasure and we are diverted by pain. Everything works around that blueprint, if you will. I help people examine their desires and to understand that there are higher and lower desires. I help them to understand that sometimes what seems like a dream come true can sometimes become a huge nightmare in your life. For instance, you buy a house and you’re very happy with it. Later on you want a bigger house, and then you want another bigger house. It keeps going, but then the economy crashes, which also happened here in Ireland. Now you have people with big houses and they can’t heat these houses or pay the mortgage. It’s the example of the dream becoming a nightmare. My biggest message to them is live a nice life; live as simple a life as you can. If you do that, you will gain everything that life has to give without having to go on the rollercoaster of highs and lows.
I do an exercise with them to help bring them to their absolute basic needs. For example, if you’re a single person, a bowl of rice and vegetables is enough to keep your body nurtured for the day. All you need in addition to that is shelter and people to understand that you’re not down and out. Obviously if you have a family, your needs escalate. I’m amazed how many people, when I take them through this exercise, realize that even though they thought they were in a bad state, they actually have far more than they need. When they dispose of the excess items in their lives, they begin to receive and become happier people. Monica: Speaking of helping others, you are an extraordinary humanitarian. As a matter of fact you were recently awarded Variety International’s Humanitarian Award, an award received by many prominent figures, including Bob Hope, Audrey Hepburn, Jerry Lewis, and Sir Winston Churchill. What does receiving this award mean to you? Derek: The first thing I have to say is that when I was nominated for it I was absolutely shocked, because my wife and I had been doing this work for 15 or 20 years, and we didn’t do it for an award. We did it because we knew it was right for us to be doing it. We heard that othMay-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 57
ers like Bono and Bill Clinton, Prince William and the President of Ireland had also been nominated for the award. I never thought in a million years that I would be nominated. When I received the call and was informed that I had not only been nominated but I was the recipient of this award, I was floored. It took a while for it to sink in, and what really helped it sink in was that my wife passed away about three and a half years ago. She was my absolute rock. I see Michelle Obama and the strength and brilliance that she’s bringing out. My wife Linda taught me that service to others is service to oneself. One of the things that she lived by was hands that help are holier than lips that pray. She encouraged this. This award is as much for her and all the other people on this planet who are “back room” workers, if you will, for famous people. I first saw a magazine with faces of people like J. Edgar Hoover, who was another recipient of the award. After seeing all those people, I saw myself, and my first thought was, “Who is he?”
People have told me, “Derek, you deserve this.” But my consciousness and Linda’s consciousness was not about getting awards. It was about that experience we had 15 years ago when we got off a plane in India, and we saw what we thought were children playing in the sand. When we looked closer, we saw children with amputated limbs and children who were badly deformed. They were begging for a living. We decided instead of just talking about it, we were going to do something about it. That’s when we learned that there was a practice in some areas where babies a couple of months old, were being injected with bleach to deliberately cause deformity, so that they could become beggars for their families. We set out to do something about it and we opened schools and orphanages. We currently feed, educate and clothe 25,000 children. We also look after older generations and animals as well. I wanted to not only do charity work for a specific group, but my message is no matter what form you take, no matter what color or creed, it’s not important. Where you see the poor and the downtrodden, it’s your duty as a human being to help. Monica: I believe that helping others is a key component to helping yourself. Also, when you extend your hand to others to uplift them, you learn that you have a blessing that they don’t have. Now you have one more thing to be thankful for. You have studied martial arts for 35 years, and you use it to help transform your clients into remarkable individuals. How are you combining the principles of the various forms of martial arts into your work?
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Derek: I created a new form of psychology. I call it the “sword and the brush.” The sword is identified with the samurai sword which, if you ever saw the movie The Bodyguard where she holds the sword and throws the scarf in the air and it comes down against the sword, it just passes through the sword because it’s so sharp. I don’t say this lightly, but I have a gift that I don’t see in many other people, an intuitive gift. It’s a gift of knowing when to go in with the sword and cut something away and cut it away so cleanly that it doesn’t leave scarring. In other words there’s not a big reaction where people end up unstable for days, after let’s say, discovering some hidden things going on in their psyche. My martial arts training taught me when to hit with that timing. After cutting away whatever it is that people don’t want in their lives anymore, I do something I don’t believe is practiced in the profession of psychology and psychotherapy. I hand the client the brush and the brush gives them the ability to write, using calligraphy, what they want to write on their new blank page. They can now paint the life that they’re ready to live because they’ve gotten rid of all negative patterns, belief systems, and things that are no longer useful in their lives. Monica: Life is most enjoyable when you have balance. In what ways can a lack of balance affect a person? Derek: Because of the bit of luck that I’ve had in my life, I’ve been able to work with people who are billionaires and see them off-balance. I’ve been lucky enough to have the gift and the grace of working with people who have nothing, but I see them in balance. What I have discovered is that when you have material things and money, you worry the same way as someone who is worrying about putting enough food on the family’s table. It’s the same worry; it just has a different agenda. I have spoken to CEOs of companies and I have awakened the inner yogi within them. In doing so, I have awakened that creativity that they had and didn’t know how to harvest without working an 18-hour day. Going to the other end of the scale, I was able to awaken creativity in people who were for instance, artists -- whether it is through painting, on the stage or other types of art -who never quite made it and they were forever struggling to have their creations seen. When I’m working with people, I encourage them to move into a balanced state, so that they allow abundance into their lives.
Monica: When you are assisting people and helping them to transform their lives, do you find a common pattern or common denominator of resistance? Have you ever had a client resist your method of helping them to transform themselves? Derek: Believe it or not when I first went into private practice I was faced with certain types of resistance, but I think that was due to the fact that I wasn't experienced as a therapist. Then I began to settle in. Say someone came to me for something as simple as a request to stop smoking. I would ask them a sequence of questions. If after asking the questions I believed that they weren’t going to be successful in quitting cigarettes, I would return their money. I would tell them, “I don’t think you’re ready now. If you’d like to come back in six months that would be better.” I began to enter this equation with people whereby I based it on the theory that if you go into a butcher shop, you don’t go in there to buy headache tablets; you go there to buy meat. “So, if you’re coming to me as a therapist, a transformational therapist, then there is something that you want to transform. If you’re going to fight me in that transformation process, then we have no need to work together.” I don’t think I ever got resistance after that. I put it on the table and said, “This is not about me fixing you. This is about me giving you the tools to fix yourself, but if you don’t want to be fixed then you should not be here.” It was amazing. It got to a point that to get an appointment with me you’d have to wait nine months. At one stage, we had a phenomenal rate of eight out of every ten people that walked in were coming because of smoking issues. That leads to the incredible event in my life and your life, but more in your life than perhaps mine. It was the incredible event that we now know as 911. I was in Ireland and we turned on the television, just as everyone else did around the world, and I thought we were looking at a movie. We later realized that the world was about to change dramatically. Linda and I went to America a couple of years after 911 for the very first time in our lives. The motivation for going was we wanted to feel and experience and know what it was like living in America after this event. In other words, what had it done to the psyche of the people? When we visited ground zero, we could feel the experience, and it was even tangible two years later, as if it only happened yesterday. We realized how deep the scar was on the psyche of humanity.
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It turns out that while we were there, there was a mind, health and body exhibition at the hotel. As we went to discover what it was about, we met a lady and I explained why we came to America. I told her about my belief systems concerning 911. She was so taken aback by my understanding of the phenomena, that she asked if we could do workshops. I agreed to do them. She made the arrangements, and about two months later I conducted the workshop. Approximately 75 people showed up. They were so moved by my understanding of life with regard to psychology and spirituality. They asked whether I would return to conduct another workshop six weeks later. We had booked a room that would seat up to 300 people. Between 700 or 800 people showed up for the workshop. I was asked to address the United Nations Society for Enlightenment and Transformation to provide insight into what I called world psyche or global economy psyche, and I received a standing ovation. Before I realized it, I was doing workshops all over America, and I’m pulling in audiences of 2,000 people in some places. Monica: So what does that mean -- that skipping school paid off? Derek: Well, it actually did happen. Absolutely. When I was interested in something, I just soaked it in like a sponge. When I went back to school around the age of 25 to study psychotherapy, the teachers told me I did 60 | Exceptional People Magazine | May-June 2012
not appear to be the most promising psychotherapist that they had ever trained. It has taken me a long time to be able to say this and I hope it doesn’t sound egotistical, but I have an ability to know exactly what’s going on in someone's life while talking to them. I can bring them to a point of clarity in hours instead of years. What I have been proving all over the world is that you’ve spent enough time holding onto things and there comes a point of readiness when you’re ready to let go. I seem to be able to determine that point of readiness, and I strike with the sword. It’s a clean cut. People can then create a whole new life for themselves that is much more colorful and more transformed. Monica: Would you say that the transformational process should take place as quickly as possible?
Derek: I’ve seen people literally transform in front of my eyes before they leave the office. I can tell you that the biggest problem I have in life now is that after doing a workshop that has lasted five or six hours, I have to spend three or four hours hugging people. They all want to hug me and tell me how amazing I am. I want to hug them and tell them how amazing they are. Monica: What if a person walked up to you and said, “I’m not happy?” This person may have a job and the basic things in life but for some reason they’re unhappy. They don’t know what they need to do to become a happy person. If you were asked, “What can I do to become a happy person,” how would you address that? Derek: The first thing I would say to them is “That’s a great question.” I would ask, “Do you have a hobby?” If they say yes, I’ll then ask what the hobby is. I’ll give you a real case because it answers the question and is very powerful in its own right.
haven’t realized them. Is your process packaged in a way that others can apply it or do you travel around the world implementing it yourself? Derek: What I like to do is empower people. My workshops are geared toward giving people the tools to do it for themselves and to even be able to share what they've learned with other people in their lives. Monica: From all that you have accomplished, from a humanitarian and business standpoint, what legacy would you like to leave? Derek: That’s a great question. The legacy I’d like to leave is for people to only see the message of love and simplicity. My message would be that people have everything they need within themselves.
I had a general practitioner come to me in that very same situation. “I am a doctor, I have a big house. I have everything and I’m not happy.” I took him through a process of the “sword and brush” and questions and techniques, and we discovered something phenomenal about this man. The first thing we discovered was that his mother and father were both top doctors; one a cardio doctor and the other anesthesiologist. This man never, ever wanted to be a doctor. He became a doctor because his was living his parent’s dream of him becoming a doctor. He had given up and sacrificed his entire life for them. He had gone to college and didn’t like it. He had begun to self-medicate because he was depressed. He even contemplated suicide. At this point he’s sitting in my office and I ask, “What is it? What is your hobby?” He said painting. I asked, “Do you do it well?” He replied, “I was told it was alright.” Then I said, “I’m asking you,” and he said, “I think it’s great.” I said to him, “Well, you know what to do, don’t you?” That doctor left my office and gave up his practice within a week and became an artist. And to this day I can still go into a park in Ireland on a Sunday afternoon and see that doctor there selling his paintings. He is one of the happiest people that I’ve met. Monica: I’m glad that you have found your true gift because I see people everyday that have gifts that they could be using to help themselves and others, but they May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 61
The talent of success is nothing more than doing what you can do, well. Henry W. Longfellow
Welcome Challenges Fearlessly By Catherine-Galasso Vigorito
Perhaps, I never really understood this quote from Winston Churchill until today… “Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” Passion, zeal, and a zest for life…the ability to be able to overcome our obstacles with, as the French say, “Joie de Vivre.” Real enthusiasm is a way of life and is an outward expression of inner joy. And often it’s the distinction between the good and the great, the mediocre and the excellent, and the ordinary and the extraordinary.
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Genuine enthusiasm is a treasured gift from God; it spreads itself like sunshine, and keeps the mind equable in the toughest times. Being enthusiastic affects those around us. A positive, can-do approach is infectious. And just being near enthusiastic people helps others to prevail, to aspire and to take action needed to accomplish things. Setbacks or limitations do not establish what our lives become nearly so much as do the thoughts that govern our mind. Our attitude towards difficulties is an important factor in controlling and mastering them. Therefore, let’s get our mind going in the right direction. Remember, we draw in what we think. So let’s choose to think of something constructive, staying filled of unwavering hope and joyful expectation. Every obstacle we encounter can be the means for greater achievement. Trials can be beneficial; they purify us, refine and mold our character. For no person can become strong without struggle. Develop a never give up; keep it going, upbeat attitude, and look ahead to fresh opportunities and new adventures. And by becoming infused with enthusiasm and motivation, over time, discouragements lessen and we can develop a new sense of control over difficulties. A reader wrote, “Life is about challenges. How one handles their problems determines their character and frame of mind.” We will always have letdowns or frustrations, but we must never let it get the best of us. Maybe we are down, but that doesn’t mean we have to stay down. God wants us to grow and reach our full potential, and failures are an important source of learning. So refuse to equate failure with low self-worth or give up your dreams because of a temporary defeat. Do not be hampered by negative or thoughts of inadequacy. Don’t indulge in self-pity over past mistakes. Instead, welcome challenges with optimism and without fear. And when struggles do arise, try to find ways to look at the positive side. Then, that affirmative outlook, fervent belief and right frame of mind can pave the way for God to work miracles.
We are what we are today because of what we believed yesterday. And tomorrow we will be what we believe right now. Thus, let’s see ourselves prevailing over that trial, picture ourselves succeeding, and envision ourselves healthy and strong. Before our dreams can come to pass, we must look through our eyes of faith and see them occurring. That which we intensely imagine can and often does actualize in fact. Let us focus our attention and be thankful for our many blessings, affirming with a smile the very best for our lives. Speak words of victory. Say repeatedly, “As the day is, so shall my strength be,” “This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it,” and “When one door closes, a better door will open.” And when we encounter stressful situations, when we are impatient, let’s remain calm. To everything there is a season, and all things transpire at their own pace. No set-back is final. Failures are not permanent. Furthermore, just because our desires have not happened yet, doesn’t mean that they won’t. God has an appointed time to answer our prayers and in a split second, He will bring it all together. The world works in mysterious and wonderful ways. Who can tell what fantastic opportunities are up ahead? A reader contributed, “With faith in God, belief in yourself and a positive, enthusiastic mind-set you can do just about anything you decide to do.” So, in challenging times look for the good that is surely present, and never allow a setback to reduce your enthusiasm. This is your precious life; love it, live it, laugh and keep the enthusiasm going strong.
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Empowering Others to Live Abundant Lives
From life’s tough lessons often come wisdom and the desire to create new opportunities for oneself. Esther Austin is no stranger to adversity, but how she chose to deal with it is what makes her stand out as an entrepreneurial powerhouse. Life throws us unexpected curve balls, and we’re often unprepared to catch them. It is up to us to use our strength, faith and courage to handle those situations, learn from them and share our new-found wisdom with others. Austin experienced a disruptive and painful union with her husband and a brief period of homelessness. She had to deal with her sister’s illness and eventual death from cancer. Austin chose to take control of her life and her two sons. She used each of those experiences to help her develop a new sense of purpose and direction. From those experiences she has built a business that is empowering individuals to break away from defeatist attitudes. She is encouraging others to challenge themselves, to use their inner-strength to rebuild lives of confidence. Based in the United Kingdom, Austin is a personal transformation and spiritual powerhouse whose mission is to serve, inspire and empower the global community. She shared her desire to help others overcome obstacles with the founder of Exceptional People Magazine. Monica: You have accomplished many things as well as overcome various life challenges. What do you consider to be your life’s purpose? Esther: My life’s purpose is to serve humanity. I know that sounds very
biblical but it really is to serve humanity. In that sphere it’s about empowering people with the tools and techniques and the knowledge to know that whatever they’ve been through in their lives or whatever their going through, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s about being aware of our thoughts, what we speak and how we create our reality and our lives. Monica: What does the term selfempowerment mean to you – to become empowered to change one’s own life? Esther: For me self-empowerment means becoming aware of the self; becoming aware of how my thoughts are creating and manifesting my experiences and my reality. Also, within that place of becoming aware, it’s about knowing there’s no judgment or finger-pointing. It’s about knowing that we can change where we are at any moment in time. We don’t need to stay stuck in the same place. Oftentimes we don’t feel we have a choice, but we do have a choice. It’s just that sometimes we can’t see it. Monica: For those who don’t realize that they have choices in life, how can they come to the realization that choices are available? Esther: That’s an interesting question, Monica because if you’re not aware of something, then you can’t do anything about it. Therefore for people who aren’t aware of it, until something or someone shows up in their lives to show them another way, they don’t know otherwise. Sometimes you may listen to music or watch a film and experience what I call an Aha! moment. That’s one way for someone to become of aware of what choices are available.
Those who are aware of options or choices can utilize available resources. Learn to research and reach out. Begin reading personal empowerment and development books and attend workshops. Go on YouTube because there is a plethora of amazing resources that you can access. Monica: What ignited your decision to change your life and remove all the baggage and pain that you were carrying around? Esther: What empowered me to change my life occurred about seven years ago. I decided that I didn’t want to carry around the pain that I had been experiencing any longer. I didn’t want to live life feeling challenged, being in pain and struggling all the time. A lot of what influenced my work came about through my life experiences. But when I look back, I realize those challenges define who I am today. The work that I do with people allows me to resonate with them at some very deep and dark levels because I’ve been in many of those places. I chose to let go because I knew on some level I could experience life abundantly and in a happier place. Monica: If you don’t mind, talk about a couple of challenges that you have experienced and were successful in overcoming. How did you work through your challenges? Esther: One of my major challenges and struggles was my marriage. I was married for 14 years until about eight years ago. It was an incredibly painful experience on an emotional and psychological level. There was always a part of me that knew and recognized I deserved better but I wasn’t sure how that was going to happen.
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Going through it made me realize how strong I was in that situation because there were other people around me going through similar things in their personal lives. I used to observe them and I could literally see the load and challenges that they were carrying. Within my own space I could find places to go. I’ve always exercised and listened to music, and I’ve always meditated and prayed. Those were things that kept me sane. I knew a lot of people didn’t have those things to turn to. I knew that one day I would be able to reach out and touch lives because of that experience. Some of those experiences in the marriage were: I gave away a lot of my personal power. I was in a place where I couldn’t watch television when I wanted to. I had to have permission to go shopping. If I vacuumed and there weren’t lines on the carpet that my husband could see, he wouldn’t believe that I had vacuumed. I had to painstakingly make sure there were lines on the carpet so that I wouldn’t get an earful when he got home. Sometimes when I wanted to wash my hair I had to justify why I wanted to wash it and even justify why I wanted to cook or bake. I always wanted to do something where I could reach out and say to people that whatever you’re going through there is hope for overcoming it. When I left my marriage I remember saying even if I walked on glass in hell, I wouldn’t feel the pain that I experienced in my marriage. Another major situation that influenced where I am today and what I do for others was watching my younger sister go through breast cancer and die from it. It was an experience that took me to places that were so deep and painful, that pushed me so far out of myself, that it really strengthened
me in many ways. Being able to go through that process with her and cope, I began to listen to music, exercise, meditate and pray once again. Another incident was being in a place when I was holding my life together with two children after my marriage broke down and being homeless briefly. I ended up in a one-bedroom flat, putting the key in the door and realizing this is where I sink or swim. This is where I would take control of my life or continue in the same manner. When I opened the door and walked in, there was nothing there but dust and dirt on the floor. For four months I slept on a blow-up mattress on the floor. It didn’t matter that there was no furniture. In my mind it was my first step to freedom and rebuilding my life. From there I went on a journey of learning. Monica: Through all of those circumstances and the process that you went through to get you to where you are today, who helped you along the way? Esther: My late sister and a few family members. I always had an innate sense of knowing and being guided, which helped me to understand what I needed to do. Anthony Robbins was in London at the time, when my life sort of collapsed. I knew I had to get to his seminar because I knew that would be the first step to change my life. Obviously being on my own with two children and trying to make life work, I didn’t have the money but I made it happen. I borrowed 600 pounds from a friend, and I had to pay it back with interest. It took me about a year to pay it back. That started the process of me working towards knowing that I would become successful one day.
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Monica: How are you using those life experiences to help others realize their full potential to achieve things they probably never thought they could achieve. Esther: I help people through intuitive healing. I’m also an intuitive reader which means I can read where people are in their presence and see what’s going on in their lives. When you’ve been places and people sit before you with their problems, you can empathize. I’ve got an innate ability to go into that place of pain and help draw that pain out, so they can work through it and acknowledge it. People want to feel that they can resonate with someone, and they want to know that someone else has walked a similar path and have come out on the positive side. Monica: What does it mean to you to have achieved a level of empowerment so that you are now able to change the lives of other people? You are able to watch them transform from a negative frame of mind, see them look back and hear them say, “I can’t imagine how I came through that”. Esther: For me, there’s nothing else for me to do or be other than to continue to work with people to help them transform their lives. Because of the pain I’ve experienced, I know what it feels like to come from a place where you felt stuck, but you learn that you are able to break through and embrace life. We all deserve the best. So many of us settle for second best because we think that’s all we can have. There’s so much more than that. Monica: What would you say are some things that a person must first
decide to do to begin the process of change? How can they prepare their mindset to begin the process? Esther: That’s interesting because it’s going to be different for everyone. But the core that’s coming from most people that I’ve worked with is being aware that they can get to the other side and there’s no judgment. I feel a lot of people hold back because they fear being judged. Once they realize this is where I am in this moment, this is my reality, and they ask themselves, “Where do I want to go?” they will realize that they can move forward. Monica: Talk about your book, Within Silence, Wisdom Whispers. There seems to be a lot of meaning within the title. Esther: There is a lot. When I’ve gone to that place of understanding, it’s something that’s kept me sane and has embraced me. Life has been incredibly challenging, and I’ve needed some place to go, especially when I lost my sister. I found a lovely little stream not far from me, a quiet space, with lots of trees. It was amazing that I found a sense of calm and peace that I couldn’t get even from exercising. This book is an eclectic mix of powerful words of poetry and words of wisdom and it simply says that wherever you are at the moment or whatever you’re experiencing, try to find that place of peace; that place within yourself where you can find peace and answers and bring balance to your life.
Monica: I certainly appreciate all that you are doing to help others realize their fullest potential, change their lives and live abundantly. Esther: It’s a great job that you’re doing as well, Monica, because you’re allowing our voices to be heard on a broader scale. Monica: What is your last word? Esther: I’d like to read a brief poem from my book. It’s called Laughter. It says,
When I laugh from the belly of my soul My world explodes into a cacophony of fireflies Lighting my world into a crescendo And a myriad of notes Which sing direct to my heart And I love the way my stomach Then gurgles with delight It’s basically saying when you laugh from the belly of your soul that’s when you know that you’re standing in your own personal power, because there is no other place to laugh from other than within the belly of the soul.
I truly appreciate the saying by Marianne Williamson: “As we let our light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same.”
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The Lighter Side
At Least My Phone is Smart by Dorothy Rosby
I was in the right century but the wrong decade again, and I was happy there. I had a plain, old cell phone and I had a plain, old electronic calendar. But then, due to changes in the world of cell phone providers, I was required to trade phones. And I traded up in order to avoid becoming more obsolete than I already am. I became the proud owner of a BlackBerry, and in the interest of full disclosure, I should say, I’m receiving no endorsement fees for this column, though I will accept them if offered. My BlackBerry can do everything except wash dishes. Or rather, it could if I knew how to operate it. To call it a cell phone just because I make calls with it would be like calling my computer a “typewriter” just because I type with it, or calling Thanksgiving dinner “lunch” just because I eat it at noon. No, my BlackBerry is not just a cell phone; it is what you call a “smartphone,” though apparently it’s not smart enough to know that “smartphone” and “BlackBerry” should both be two words. It is a cell phone, appointment book, and entertainment center rolled into one. It is like an office in the palm of my hand--the only difference being, I can always find my office. Also, I can’t play Brickbreaker and Texas HoldEm there. I can use my smartphone to read e-mails, surf the net, play games, and keep track of how much time I’ve wasted doing it all. If I tell my smartphone to call so and so, it will dial their number. At least, it would if I had anyone named so and so in my contact list. It has maps, a calculator, a camera, a voice recorder-and me for the operator. And that is, as far as I can tell, the only downside. You have to be smart to operate a smartphone.
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I used to make appointments by holding my phone against my ear with one hand and holding my calendar with my other hand. Now when I make an appointment, I have to take my smartphone away from my ear in order to check my calendar. Unfortunately, the person on the other end of the line can still hear me muttering, “How does this stupid thing work?” Eventually, I put the phone back to my ear and say sweetly, “I’ll check my calendar and call you back--from a land line.” My smartphone has a cute little Barbie-sized keyboard for texting. Now I don’t mean to brag, but I am a VERY FAST typist--if you don’t deduct for errors. Unfortunately, being a fast typist does not make one a fast texter--at least not this one. Typing is to texting what house cats are to lions--same genus, different species. After decades of typing almost every day, my fingers know where the keys are on a computer keyboard. But it’s my thumbs that text, and they only know where the space bar is. Plus they’re not Barbie-sized. I love that my smartphone contains all the details of my life in a package the size of a bar of soap. But I’m reminded of a movie I saw long ago in which the main character took over someone else’s life after finding that person’s planner--the old fashioned kind with a paper calendar and no built-in cell phone. I don't remember the name of the movie; I’m not even sure I liked it. But it haunts me these days. With all the information stored on my smartphone, someone could easily take over my life, and they’d probably do a better job with it. At least they’d be able to operate my smartphone better than I can.
The Lighter Side of Business Today's Stock Market Report ... Helium was up. Paper was stationary. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged. Caterpillar inched up. Balloon prices were inflated. Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
Quirky Joke Definition of a successful farmer: A man who is out-standing in his field. May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 73
Baked French Onion Soup Ingredients 2 cans of Campbell's Select Harvest caramelized French onion soup 2 packages garlic and cheddar croutons 2 cups shredded Parmesan cheese 2 teaspoons Pernod or Herbisant liqueurs (licorice flavored) Directions Divide the cans of soup into four portions, half filling four large oven-proof baking bowls. Add 1/2 teaspoon of the Pernod or Herbisant to each dish of soup and stir. Float 5-6 of the croutons on the top of the soup. Layer 1/2 cup of shredded cheese over the croutons. In a pre-heated oven at 350 degrees, bake the soup until the cheese has melted and is browning around the edges of the dish. Other cheeses, either shredded or sliced, may be substituted if desired. Baked onion soup, accompanied by a salad, can make an entire meal or just be offered as the soup course for a banquet.
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Profile Resources Part One Roy Eaton Pg.18, Generating New Birth for the Fourth Time http://www.royeaton.net/, http://www.royeaton.com/ Ann Fry, Pg. 38, Inspiring Baby Boomers to Re-invent Themselves http://www.annfry.com/
Part Two Derek Oâ€™Neill, Pg. 54, Transforming Lives in a Phenomenal Way http://www.derekoneill.com/ Esther Austin, Pg. 66, Empowering Others to Live Abundant Lives Author: Within Silence, Wisdom Whispers, http://www.estheraustinglobal.com/
Photo Credits Roy Eaton, Pgs. 18 and 21, Ken Thomas, New York Metropolitan Opera Derek Oâ€™Neill, cover photo and Pg. 54, Marcel Indik Photo, http://www.marcelphoto.com
Additional Credits Graphics and Design: Jeff Hayes, http://www.plasmafiregraphics.com Monica Davis, Back Cover, Ever After Visuals, http://everaftervisuals.com
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Writers and Contributors
William R. Patterson
Ranked as the #1 Business Motivational Speaker by Ranking.com, William R. Patterson is a three-time award-winning lecturer and international bestselling author who uses his trademark approach, THE BARON SOLUTION™, to coach, train, and motivate business leaders, sales professionals, entrepreneurs, and investors. His breakthrough book, The Baron Son, has been translated around the world and featured in the Forbes Book Club and Black Enterprise. William is an internationally recognized wealth and business coach who has been a featured guest on over 500 television and radio programs. William's website, BaronSeries.com, is winner of four 2009 Web Awards including: Best Speaker; Best Male Author; Best Business Advice Site; and Best WealthBuilding Site. For more information, visit http://www.baronseries.com
Annemarie Cross is a Career Management & Personal Branding Strategist, Speaker, Consultant, Radio Broadcaster, and Author of ’10 Key Steps to Ace that Interview!’ She is also the founder/ principal of Advanced Employment Concepts – Career Management and Corporate Career Development Specialists offering powerful programs for people striving for career success and fulfillment, as well as savvy companies committed to building and retaining their most important asset – their staff.
Catherine Galasso-Vigorito’s nationally syndicated weekly column, “A New You,” has endeared her to readers worldwide for over 15 years.
Jack is the founder and former CEO of Chicken Soup for the Soul® Enterprises, a billion dollar empire that encompasses licensing, merchandising and publishing activities around the globe. He is the Founder and Chairman of The Canfield Training Group which trains entrepreneurs, educators, corporate leaders and motivated individuals how to accelerate the achievement of their personal and professional goals. Jack is also the founder of The Foundation for Self-Esteem which provides self-esteem resources and trainings to social workers, welfare recipients and human resource professionals. http://www.jackcanfield.com/
Known for her ability to uplift and encourage, Catherine has become America’s most beloved inspirational voice. Catherine is the founder and CEO of her own company, A New You Worldwide, developing and designing inspirational products. Her mission is to instill hope in the hearts of people everywhere, inspiring them to live a better life. She makes her home on the East Coast with her husband and three daughters. Visit her website at www.anewyouworldwide.com Searching for inspirational gifts - visit http://www.qvc.com/qic/qvcapp.aspx/app.nav/ params.class.K990/walk.yah.0101-K990.
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Widely considered a personal change agent and success catalyst, Annemarie has distinguished herself as being people-focused, caring, inspirational and life-changing in her approach. Annemarie can be contacted at www.a-e-c.com.au email: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Writers and Contributors
Recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce, Rosalind Sedacca is a Certified Corporate Trainer and founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents facing, moving through or transitioning beyond divorce. She is the author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! which offers a unique approach to breaking divorce news to your children based on her own personal experience. She is also the 2008 National First Place Winner of the Victorious Woman Award.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a noted public speaker, bestselling author, workshop leader, relationship expert, and Inner Bonding® facilitator. She has counseled individuals and couples, and led groups, classes, and workshops since 1968. She is the author and co-author of eight books, including the internationally bestselling Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?, Healing Your Aloneness, Inner Bonding, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?
As a Certified Corporate Trainer and Business Communication Strategist she provides consulting, speaking, training and Executive Coaching services to organizations nation-wide on marketing, public relations and business communication issues. She specializes in gender-related dynamics, marketing to women and employeemanagement collaboration in the workplace. To learn more about her book, free ezine, programs and other valuable resources on creating a positive ChildCentered Divorce, visit www.childcentereddivorce.com and www.howdoitellthekids.com. For more information about her customized programs, audio and videotapes, and other services, contact Rosalind at 561-742-3537 or Talk2Roz@bellsouth.net.
Dawn Abraham Dawn Abraham is a Certified Life/Business Coach, and is an “Official Guide for Small Business Marketing at Selfgrowth.com. She also partners with professionals and entrepreneurs to help them create balanced lives while earning more money. Law of Attraction, Self Esteem, Abundance, Meditation, Motivation, Reiki, Private & Group Coaching, Free Life Changing Mp3's and Teleclasses are offered. http://www.qualified-lifecoach.com
She is the co-creator, along with Dr. Erika Chopich, of the Inner Bonding® healing process, recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette, and featured on Oprah, and of the unique and popular website www.innerbonding.com. Their transformational selfhealing/conflict resolution software program, SelfQuest®, at www.selfquest.com, is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to the general public.
Eileen Lichtenstein Eileen Lichtenstein, MS Ed, CEO of Balance & Power, Inc. is a certified Anger Management Specialist, Career and Mid-Life Coach, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique ) Practitioner and a former Biofeedback Therapist and faculty at Hofstra University. "SOAR! with Resilience™: The Interactive Book for Overcoming Obstacles & Achieving Success" is the core material for many of her trainings and a motivational read for anyone struggling to take their personal or professional life to a higher level of success and satisfaction. www.balanceandpower.com
May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 77
Writers and Contributors
Sharon Dahlonega Raiford Bush
Sharon Dahlonega Raiford Bush is CEO of News Archives International. This multiaward-winning journalist writes and publishes news articles about productive individuals committed to making positive changes in their lives and in the world around them. She also writes and directs live performances for young, exceptional artists throughout the Los Angeles region. Sharon shares her life with her husband, veteran actor Grand L. Bush.
Shelley Riutta MSE, LPC is a Holistic Psychotherapist and Inner Bonding Facilitator in private practice specializing in Transformational individual counseling, presentations, groups and Workshops. To get her free workbook "What Do You REALLY Want: Finding Purpose and Passion in Your Life" or for information about the free teleclasses she does every month visit her web-site www.RadiantLifeCounseling.com or call her at 877-346-1167.
To learn more about Sharon, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/ wiki/Sharon_Dahlonega_Raiford_Bush and http://www.linkedin.com/in/sharonraifordbush. She can be contacted at https://www.facebook.com/TVwxGirl.
Dawn McCoy Dawn McCoy is author of "Leadership Building Blocks: An Insider's Guide to Success" http://flourishleadership.com/store/ index.html She is also is president and CEO of Flourish Leadership, LLC which provides coaching executives, public servants, and youth leaders. For author and speaker details, visit http:// www.flourishleadership.com.
Keasha Lee Keasha Lee is President of Striking Statements, LLC a company that provides public relations and social media strategy for small to mid sized businesses. www.strikingstatements.com
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Inez Bracy Inez Bracy is the host of her own radio talk show; Living Smart and Well and is a columnist for Senior Stuff a local ezine, the Orlando Examiner, a former columnist for the Island Voice magazine and the author of Rejuvenate Your Life in 21 Days. Bracyâ€™s radio show, Living Smart and Well shares tips on creating your best life and is heard globally on www.livingsmartandwell.com. Bracy is an author, a masterful coach, powerful trainer, and a dynamic speaker. With more than 20 years of experience working for educational institutions and non-profits, Bracy uses her knowledge to help people create extraordinary lives. http://overfiftyfineandfancy.com Alexandra Watson Alexandra Watson is a Leading Happiness Coach, bestselling author and Co-Founder of National Happiness Day. She helps celebrities, Olympic athletes, and business professionals with dilemmas and personal issues. www.AlexandraWatson.com
Writers and Contributors
Dorothy Rosby Dorothy Rosby is an entertaining speaker and syndicated humor columnist whose work appears regularly in 30-plus newspapers in eleven Western and Midwestern states. She is also Community Relations Director for an organization which supports people with disabilities. She lives in Rapid City, South Dakota with her husband, son, mother, and hamster. Contact her at email@example.com or see her website at www.dorothyrosby.com.
Greg Williams Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator, is an internationally sought after speaker/trainer. He provides negotiation expertise to corporate and individual clients that seek to maximize their negotiation efforts, at the negotiation table. You can sign up for Greg’s free negotiation tips at www.TheMasterNegotiator.com – You can also view his Negotiation Tip videos at http:// www.youtube.com/user/ TheMasterNegotiator - Greg’s motto is, “Remember, you’re always negotiating”.
Andrew Horton Andrew Horton is a very successful entrepreneur and master teacher. He is the author of Wot the (Bleep) Now and hosts a weekly TV series called the Empower Half Hour. He is an expert that speaks and teaches, using his extensive business background to inspire business professionals to greatness. His purpose is to empower exceptional people, winning teams and authentic leaders, inspiring them to shift their behaviour and attitude, thereby encouraging sustainable and on-going development. Andrew will act as the catalyst for success within any organisation. http:// www.andrewhorton.co.za/ May-June 2012 | Exceptional People Magazine | 79
Thank you...Founder, Monica Davis
â€œService to others is the first step to being remembered by them. Always seek to add value to the lives of others.â€?
Photo by Ever After Visuals http://www.everaftervisuals.com
Published on May 27, 2012
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