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EL SUSTO FANZINE # 3 MEDICAL ISSUE - Please read this fanzine carefully. - Keep this fanzine, you might have to read it again in the future. - In case of doubt please check

1. EL SUSTO NEWS NEW EP BY AGENTES DEL ORDEN Join us in a loud, affirmative, extatic “YES!!!” – The new E.P. by Agentes del Orden, “No le Importamos a Nadie” can be streamed online from their bandcamp. Four ambitious songs that defy understanding: Agentes del Orden sing about making your wishes come true, the need for fresh air in closed rooms and people that share the same name. Stay tuned for more info and upcoming shows!! NEW BOOKING SERVICES We now offer a small-scale booking service for friends and artists we find interesting. Berlin is a thriving city and we have experience in booking small venues, so if you´re thinking about playing here, get in touch with us and maybe we can help you book a gig, lend you the backline, or even find accomodation for a night or two. Conditions vary from gig to gig, and on a case-to-case basis. Contact us at at J KRAWIETZ to play on Spanish Rock Invasion Festival. Our dear Suster J. Krawietz is playing in the upcoming Spanish Rock Invasion Festival. He will be delivering his usual cocktail of new wave and electronics on the 6th of May at Bassy Club. El Susto’s friend and collaborator STEPHEN PAUL TAYLOR’s EP, ‘Single and Seventeen’, (release June 1), is an ‘80s and ‘90s-inspired, catchy synthpop-dance-punk album that is also a thoughtful and penetrating commentary on the human condition in our technological age. Don’t miss it! Stay tuned through RAPOSO will be playing the 23rd of May at the incredibly rural Cans Festival in Galicia (Spain) check:

2. THE CASE AGAINST SITTING TOILETS The best posture for passing stools is squatting. In this position, waste elimination is easier, faster and comprehensive.

By forcing users to sit instead of squat, the sitting toilet ignores ALL the natural requirements for effective waste evacuation: 1. Without pressure from the right and left thighs, no intra-abdominal pressure is created to facilitate expulsion of waste. 2. Without the action of the right thigh, there is no squeezing action to direct waste upwards and away from the appendix and small intestine. 3. Without the action of the left thigh, the natural bend between the sigmoid colon and rectum is not released. 4. The pathway between the rectum and anus is not straightened (see figure).

3. MY FAVOURITE SIDE EFFECTS by Dr. Dru - Urine Coloration: I first experienced this while on extasis. Turns out the blue colorant used on the pills was being transferred to my urine. Amused, I did some research and found a long list of drugs that can have that effect: Pyridium can make you pee orange (actually, it can turn you contact lenses orange as well), Doxorucibin makes your secretions red, Methyldopa can make your urine black, Methocarbamol can turn it green. Let’s try them all together and pee rainbows! - Extreme Sleepwalking: my wife talks in her sleep, which is amusing and not so rare. But if you are using Zolpidem, it can be much funnier and terrifying. It can cause sleepwalking. On an extreme level. Patients taking this drug have been reported walking around, having conversations, showering, getting dressed, going to work, having sex and driving a car. While sleeping. Just like many people on Monday morning, but for real. - Extreme durable highs: OK, if you have been to a music festival maybe you know this, -but on a lesser level. Dimethylheptypyran is a US military designed marijuana so potent that a 1mg dose can leave soldiers unable to perform their duties for up to 3 days because of extreme giggling. Imagine the munchies! - Uncontrollable urges: many patients taking Mirapex started noticing behavioral problems. People started drinking heavily, becoming alcoholics. Others found themselves at their nearest casino multiple times in a week, some people became shopaholics, going thousands of dollars into debt because they couldn’t control their spending habits. Hypersexuallity has also been reported. This could be something for my mother-in-law. - Gynecomastia: this is a known side effect of hair-growing drugs like Propecia. What does it mean? It means, plain and simple, that you grow boobs. Boobs that can also produce milk. What do you prefer, baldness or lactancy?

3. FULL MEDICAL CHECK UP OF STEPHEN PAUL TAYLOR by Dr. Schrecken - Are you a smoker? How many cigarettes do you smoke a day? I don’t smoke. DISGUSTING! - How many records do you listen to in a week? Zero. My record player is broken. Yes, I know. It’s sad. - How much alcohol do you drink, if any? Half a drink a month. - Are you currently taking any drugs or medication? Nope. - Have you ever done a gig while on drugs or medication? Of course. - How much exercise do you do (gigs do not count as exercise)? I worked out after my girlfriend left me. Then we got back together and I stopped. - Have you been ill in the last two months? What did you have? I’ve been fit as a fiddle. - Have you ever experienced gynecomastia? Any case in the family? No no no no no... and no. - How often do you clean you musical instruments? Twice a year... religiously. No, not religiously, but atheistically at least. - Do you defecate sitting or squatting? Sitting. Like a prince on my porcelain throne. - What is your favorite drug and/or medication? It’s a tie between LSD and magic mushrooms. - Your favorite illness? I like when I have a cold. Everything smells like roasted chicken for some reason. - What are, in your opinion, the most important things for a healthy life? Fruits, yogurt, smiling, sex, meditation/ prayer/ yoga and watching really great movies.

4. MY LIFE ON PILLS By patient J. Krawietz Ramipril is elongated, pink and small. I have to take it every night at 20:00 to reduce the risk of having a heart attack caused by a genetic malfunction that runs in my family and has given us all high blood pressure. Needless to say, my sedentary way of life, my smoking and my drinking have probably helped in making the problem worse. Hydrochlorothiazide is also elongated, white and in a green blister pack. It usually comes mixed with 5mg Ramipril. This one I have to take every morning, it should make me urinate more. The idea is that by urinating I will feel thirsty, and instead of beer I will drink water. More water forces me to pee even more, thus cleaning my system. I also have to take Amlodipine: every pill is different in size and color. I don’t know what it does, but I’m told it is essential. It’s my chameleon pill, the friend that always comes along but seldom says anything, and nobody asks nothing. My migraines have been getting better since I started taking my blood pressure meds. But they were horrible and forced me to stay in bed for days. Imagine an ice pick being thrusted through your tear glands, constantly forcing itself deeper and deeper. Pulsating like a heart. Like a bad memory. Pausing, receding for a few moments, only to come back stronger. The small soldiers that fought it had many names, sometimes they helped, sometimes they didn’t help at all. Ibuprofen. Paracetamol. Metamizole. Acetylsalicylic acid. A cocktail of dihydroergotamine, propyphenazone and caffeine that used to have a side effect: I would laugh and say stupid things during class. Each time I travel I get diarrhea. It has to do with the water, not with the food (I could eat something picked up off the ground in a street in New Delhi and nothing would happen to me). Loperamide hydrochloryde is the answer - red small tubes that dry me up like the sun. Once I hit bottom - a lot of people know this feeling: fear, nervousness, depressed moods. It’s like your mind getting a cold that won’t cure on its own. I had to take some pills to make it go away, to sleep and function normally. I don’t remember their names, or I don’t want to remember. I remember they were yellow and small, but felt huge in my throat when swallowing. Like trying to stop a sobbing spasm. The most fun I had was with 3,4-methylenedioxy-methamphetamine. Colors and shapes and sizes were always variable, but the effects were great. When you took them, things’ shapes and sizes were also variable. Dancing under moonlight, having fun on my own, in small streets that danced with me and my mind. Dancing with pills. What does this say of me? Are these pills a part of me, of my personality? Do they play a role in my character? I think they say something of me, of all of us. We are ill. But we get by. We fight on. We go on, with pain, with illness, we just move along.

Profile for El Susto

El Susto Fanzine - Issue #3  

El Susto Fanzine is a publication by the Berlin label and artist collective El Susto. The zine serves as a medium of promoting the collectiv...

El Susto Fanzine - Issue #3  

El Susto Fanzine is a publication by the Berlin label and artist collective El Susto. The zine serves as a medium of promoting the collectiv...

Profile for elsusto