Page 1

Sluts Go to Heaven, Nuns Go to Hell A production by:

PentiProductions

Sean Benge, Taylor Fregeau, Liza Summers


Preliminary
Research
 
 The
concept
for
our
film,
Sluts
Go
to
Heaven,
Nuns
Go
to
Hell,
was
originally
created
 through
the
meshing
of
two
complex
characters:
a
nun
with
Tourettes
syndrome
and
a
 sparkling
frat
boy
douchebag.

These
characters
originated
in
Taylor
and
Sean’s
lists
of
70
 preliminary
movie
ideas.
 Needless
to
say,
we’ve
all
done
enough
research
on
the
topic
of
obnoxious
fraternity
 boys
at
Indiana
University.

However,
our
film
also
contains
more
complex
topics,
such
as
 Tourettes
Syndrome,
sexual
addiction,
and
Catholic
nuns;
to
create
a
successful
product,
we
 had
to
research
all
of
these
topics
to
acquire
a
general
knowledge,
inform
our
writing,
and
 better
develop
our
characters.


 Our
main
character,
Mary‐Beth,
is
a
Catholic
nun
with
mild
Tourettes
Syndrome.

 Throughout
the
movies
she
displays
a
characteristic
verbal
tic—so
we
focused
our
research
 on
how
this
disease
affects
people,
particularly
in
verbal
form.

We
took
liberties
with
the
 way
this
character
displays
the
disease,
because
people
with
Tourettes
typically
do
not
 shout
out
specific
phrases
in
the
way
that
Mary‐Beth
does.

This
character
also
required
 research
on
Catholic
nuns,
specifically
what
they
wear.

This
helped
to
inform
the
costume
 design
as
much
as
anything
else.
 Both
of
the
main
characters,
Mary‐Beth
and
Chaz,
attend
a
sex
addiction
class.

To
 aid
in
the
portrayal
of
a
realistic
sex
addiction
class
we
researched
some
of
the
basics
of
sex
 addictions.
However,
we
came
to
the
conclusion
through
our
research
that
it’s
not
a
real
 disease—so
we
also
took
liberties
in
our
script
with
this
subject.



In
general,
although
all
of
these
subjects
can
be
construed
as
serious
issues,
we
 intentionally
utilized
them
for
comic
effect
in
order
to
create
a
more
light‐hearted,
fun
 production
that
would
allow
us
to
entertain
both
the
audience
and
ourselves
throughout
 the
production
process.

Completing
research
on
these
topics
allowed
us
mesh
creativity
 and
realism
in
our
final
product.




SLUTS GO TO HEAVEN, NUNS GO TO HELL BY SEAN BENGE, TAYLOR FREGEAU, AND LIZA SUMMERS It’s Fall at St. Mary’s State College, a small Catholic institution in the middle of fucking nowhere. MARY-BETH—a nun with mild Tourettes—is leaving her convent, dressed in her habit, to attend a nun class. Meanwhile, CHAZ (a.k.a. THE SPARKLING DOUCHEBAG) is driving down the street in his obnoxious yellow Hummer, jamming to John Mayer, reclined in the driver’s seat with his douchey neon shades on. Taking a turn, he slams the breaks to barely avoid hitting Mary-Beth. In a state of fear, shock, and anger, her Tourettes surface for the first time and she screams out her habitual obscenity. At the same time, two girls’ heads surface in Chaz’s car: epic case of roadhead. In a fit of rage, Chaz exits the car, screaming obscenities with his pants at his ankles. Mary-Beth exerts her authority and threatens to call the cops unless Chaz agrees to attend sex addiction classes. He accepts and drives away. It’s the first sex addiction class that Chaz is attending. The room is generally bland with the exception of the sparkling Jesus posters plastered all over the walls. The attendees consist of: a balding professor in a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, an overweight Hispanic man in a red hoodie, a skanky chick who cannot be over the age of 18, a conservative philosophy teacher in a floor-length dress, Chaz, and Mary-Beth. Mary-Beth is dressed in normal clothes, and Chaz (still wearing his neon glasses) does not realize that she is actually the nun with Tourettes. At this point we recognize the fact that Mary-Beth is secretly a sex addict also. The attendees swap stories, and FRANCISCO, the mediator, assigns Mary-Beth to be Chaz’s sponsor. We witness them exchanging numbers and arranging a meeting for Friday. It’s Friday; Mary-Beth and Chaz are meeting in a quaint café on campus. Over drinks, they begin discussing typical sex addiction topics and the mood changes from a professional state to a more erotic one. Chaz leaves abruptly and Mary-Beth orders more drinks for herself. Split scene: Chaz calls Mary-Beth in a fit of passion and invites her on a date. She accepts. Mary-Beth and Chaz go on several dates— to a carnival, a bar, the movies, and a park— during which they begin to fall in love. Their final date is at a café, where they can no longer resist


the urge to feverishly make out and grope each other over the dinner table. Plates, glasses, and fake flowers go flying in the heat of the moment. The scene moves to Mary-Beth’s apartment— lights completely off. The door bursts open and we see the couple enter, making out passionately. They fall onto the bed together. It’s the morning after. Mary Beth is sleeping and Chaz opens his eyes to a visual nightmare. Jesus is above him on the ceiling, in poster form. He looks around the small room in a panic and sees Jesus EVERYWHERE. He can barely resist the urge to scream. Looking for a reprieve, he stumbles into the bathroom, where he discovers Mary-Beth’s habit hanging from the shower. He screams like a small, pre-pubescent child. MaryBeth wakes up, startled, and screams her Tourettes obscenity. Chaz immediately realizes her true identity. He leaves abruptly without his clothes, then re-enters briefly to retrieve only his neon shades. Chaz is hooking up with RANDOM BLONDE CHICK in his room; he sees a flash of silver and realizes that she’s wearing a cross necklace. He kicks her out of his room and begins weeping. Mary-Beth is in church, when she spots a hummer out the window. She screams her obscenity and is asked to leave by the PRIEST. Chaz trudges along a sidewalk through campus alone, while we see Mary-Beth dragging her feet on a different sidewalk. The two are walking separately, consumed by their loneliness, when they accidentally end up running into each other at the same corner. MR. JESUS, a wise homeless man with a long beard and some Jesus-like tendencies, is sitting on the corner. Mr. Jesus also has prophetic Tourettes, and he begins yelling wise prophecies at the couple. He declares that Chaz and Mary-Beth should embrace their sluttiness, and that Mary Beth is not cut out for the nun lifestyle. The two are under the impression that this is actually Jesus, and they are instantly awed and aroused. Mary-Beth rips off her habit and reveals a pleather catsuit underneath. The two embrace and make out, and Chaz promises not to be quite so much of a sparkling douchebag. Mr. Jesus watches, and then asks them for change. THE END


Sluts Go to Heaven, Nuns Go to Hell By Sean Benge, Taylor Fregeau, and Liza Summers


1

EXT. SAINT MARY’S STATE COLLEGE - AFTERNOON

1

Leaves are falling on the chilly, sleepy Midwestern campus as students clad in conservatively colored sweatshirts are hurrying to and from buildings. CHAZ, a sparkling douchebag with severe narcissism, is making a left turn in his giant yellow hummer while receiving fellatio. He is wearing neon sunglasses and rocking out to John Mayer. MARY-BETH, a nun with mild Tourettes clad in a habit, steps into the crosswalk without looking. Chaz barely avoids hitting her. MARY-BETH (Clutching chest) FUCKING WOODEN BOOBS! CHAZ Sister, what the hell?! Crazy bitch! Chaz slams the breaks. He puts the car in park and two girls peak up from his lap. He jumps out of the car with his pants around his ankles. CHAZ You could have been killed, you pious skank! MARY-BETH (Fixing her habit in a flustered manner) Young man, you could have done me serious bodily harm! What would God think?! And who are these unholy harlots?! Further, I apologize about my outburst. May God forgive me...for the hundredth time. Chaz pulls up his pants, a confused look on his face. CHAZ Sister...fuck you. MARY-BETH (Flabbergasted) Anyhow, I am going to need your name, seeing as must repent for your wicked ways. I am a Sister and a member of this convent and you have an obligation to obey such a request. Seeing as your sinful and malicious actions have nearly killed me, I am required to help you and am hereby ordering you to attend sex addiction counseling. (CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

2.

CHAZ Respectfully speaking, Sister...that’s bullshit! Fuck you. Again. Chaz licks his lips provocatively. CHAZ But...if I have to go to this meeting...will I be seeing you there? MARY-BETH God willing, NO! Mary-Beth adjusts her habit and walks away, still flustered. Chaz watches her go. CHAZ Your loss, Sweetheart! Mary-Beth utters a sigh of disgust. Chaz strolls back to his car, where the bimbos are mindlessly fixing their hair and pushing up their bras. Chaz hops in the driver’s seat. CHAZ Well...get back to it, bitches! The girls’ heads disappear from view. Chaz cranks up the volume on John Mayer and speeds off. 2

INT. SEX ADDICTION CLASSROOM - NIGHT

2

The classroom is generally neutral and bland, with the exception of the sparkling JESUS! posters plastered all over the walls. In the back of the room there is a table stocked with unglazed donuts and lukewarm coffee. The attendees consist of: a balding professor in a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, an overweight Hispanic man wearing a red hoodie, a skanky chick who cannot be over the age of 18, a conservative philosophy teacher in a floor-length dress, Chaz, and Mary-Beth. Mary-Beth is dressed in normal clothes, and Chaz (still wearing his neon glasses) does not realize that she is actually the same nun with Tourettes he almost killed. FRANCISCO, the mediator, is seated in a black chair at the center of the circle. FRANCISCO Welcome, all! I hope you all got the chance to enjoy the delicioso snacks. I see that we have faces nuevos. Caliente! Well, let’s get (MORE) (CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

3.

FRANCISCO (cont’d) to business. We are all here because we share a common problem. EL SEXO! He jumps up and delivers an offensive pelvic thrust. All of the group members sit in embarrassed silence. FRANCISCO Sorry about that. Anyways, Timothy-- would you like to begin as usual? TIMOTHY (Wringing his sweaty hands) Uhh...sure. I’ve been splinter-free for two months how...but it’s been forty minutes since I last looked at porn...it was that cartoon tree kind again...I did some research and found that I suffer from cartoonicus dendrophilia... (Looks up thoughtfully and shivers) That’s all... FRANCISCO Thank you, Timothy. That was very therapeutic. You’re muy brave. CHAZ Cartoonicus dendrophilia...more like virgin. Chaz chuckles to himself. Everyone else turns to look at him. Francisco shoots a death glare. FRANCISCO Sooooo, Senor New Guy. Would you care to share with the classe what brings you here? CHAZ Whatever. So I was gettin’ dome from two Tri-Delts...cruisin’ down St. Paul when some crazy bitch nun jumped out of friggin nowhere. That’s why I’m here. Chicks love me. I’m beautiful. Fuck y’all. Getting too much ass has never been a problem.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

4.

FRANCISCO You, sir, truly suffer from a disease. But worry not! We are all here to help you. CHAZ Asshole. I’ve been disease-free for five days. FRANCISCO Mmmm...yes...haven’t we all... Anyways! Mary, would you like to share with us this week? Mary-Beth glances at Chaz. He is plaintively staring at her boobs through his sunglasses. She un-crosses and re-crosses her legs. MARY-BETH Well, I have good news. It’s been four months since I quit stripping and offering private dances in the Champagne Room at Big Pauly’s Truck Stop. And I also haven’t had a 7-man pile on within the last month! FRANCISCO That’s amazing, Mary! Es fantastico!! You are a true inspiration to us all! He delivers another giant pelvic thrust. All of the group members groan audibly. FRANCISCO Que bueno! Que bueno! The participants deliver a lackadaisical series of claps. MARY-BETH (Shyly) Aw, shucks. Thank you, guys. FRANCISCO On that successful note, Mary-- you have come so far and are an inspiration to us all. I feel that in light of your accomplishments... (Shoots a look of concern at Chaz) ...and Chaz’s apparent need for severe guidance...it seems fitting (MORE) (CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

5. FRANCISCO (cont’d) to assign him as your sponsoree. I am asking that you show him the same path of virtue you seem to have found. CHAZ (Winking at Mary-Beth) I thought you looked familiar. I’ve been by Big Pauly’s Truck Stop once or twice. MARY-BETH (Ignoring him) Francisco, are you sure this is a good idea? I’m feeling very hesitant...

The conservative philosophy teacher screams out in pleasure at the sound of the word "hesitant." FRANCISCO Marquicious, please try to contain your urges. MARQUICIOUS Thanks...I needed that... FRANCISCO I think that’s enough for today. Muy bueno, everyone! Mucho progresso! Chaz, meet with Mary before you leave and set up a time to meet for some...extra help. Arriba! Everyone grabs their things and disperses except for Chaz and Mary-Beth, who linger behind. CHAZ So, Sugar Tits, how are we going to do this? MARY-BETH (Hesitates, mildly offended) ...Friday night? 7 o’clock at The Smelly Cat Café? CHAZ You mean The Stinky Pussy Café. Done, I’m there. Chaz departs. Francisco jumps out from behind a corner and scares the shit out of Mary-Beth. (CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

6.

FRANCISCO Que bueno! That’s what I like to seeeeeeee! Mucho cooperation! MARY-BETH (Startled) FUCKING WOODEN BOOBS! 3

INT. THE SMELLY CAT CAFE - NIGHT

3

The Smelly Cat Café is a dimly lit, hole-in-the-wall establishment that has a brick interior and rustic wooden tables. Mary-Beth is sitting at a table, reading a generic trashy romance novel. Chaz pulls up outside and parks in a fire lane. He gets out, enters the restaurant, and sits down across from Mary-Beth. He keeps his neon glasses on. MARY-BETH Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it dark out? CHAZ I don’t take these off. Because I don’t stop partying until the sun comes up, bitch. MARY-BETH Well...that’s that. Let’s just get down to business. How I’ve overcome my urges... CHAZ What urges? MARY-BETH Sexual urges. CHAZ Tell me about them. MARY-BETH (Ignoring Chaz) How I’ve overcome my urges. Step one: Tell yourself that you don’t have to seek acceptance by having sex with people. Or multiple people, for that matter. CHAZ Then what’s it mean when everyone seeks acceptance by fucking you?

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

7.

MARY-BETH (Still ignoring Chaz) Step two: If step one doesn’t work, and you are overcome by urges, think of terrible things. Bombings, house fires, rotten tomatoes, sad pandas... CHAZ Urges don’t overcome me. I come over urges. And by urges, I mean sluts. MARY-BETH (Flustered) STEP THREE: Visualize all the people you’ve hurt with your actions... CHAZ (Interrupting her) Waaaait, wait wait. Hold the phone, bitch. You’re saying that the O-face is a symbol of pain? I mean, maybe after 4 hours...but... MARY-BETH ...Four hours? Chaz slowly removes his sunglasses in a sexual manner. Mary-Beth leans across the table, captivated. CHAZ (Drawing out his words) Fooooooooour hoooooooooourssssssss. Chaz puts his glasses back on and stands up. Mary-Beth’s face turns red; she is completely aroused. CHAZ Good talk. I’ve got places to go, bitches to fuck. Later, Snazzy Vag. Chaz exits. Mary-Beth slumps in her seat and signals for a waiter to bring her a round of drinks. 4

INT. CHAZ’S ROOM/MARY-BETH’S APARTMENT

4

Chaz is sitting on his leather futon. He is wearing a zebra-striped snuggie and is surrounded by crumpled beer cans, posters of naked chicks, and an enormous fish tank. He picks up his cell phone and calls Mary-Beth. Split (CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

8.

scene. Mary-Beth answers. Her apartment is clean and simple, with the exception of various Jesus paraphernalia hanging on the walls. CHAZ Yo. MARY-BETH Hi? CHAZ How you doing, Sweet Cheeks? MARY-BETH I’m fine, Chaz. What do you need? CHAZ I’m supposed to call you whenever I feel the urge, so... MARY-BETH So do you want to talk about it? CHAZ I was thinking that we could, uh, meet up. Yeah. MARY-BETH I guess we could do that. CHAZ So, uh, Wednesday night? There’s this thing going on...or whatever...and I was thinking it would be a good time to...discuss my...problems. MARY-BETH Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll pick you up at 8. CHAZ Perfs mcgerfs. My Hummer’s in the shop. MARY-BETH Mmmmhmmm. Bye, Chaz. CHAZ Later, Sexy Thaaaang. It’s a date.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

9.

MARY-BETH No. It’s not. Mary-Beth hangs up the phone and puts her head in her hands. Chaz high fives the air and crushes a beer can on his head in celebration. 5

EXT. CARNIVAL - NIGHT

5

Beginning of montage. ’So Happy Together’ by The Turtles is playing throughout. Chaz and Mary-Beth are walking through a carnival at night. Chaz is carrying a book: 10 Simple Steps to Overcoming Your Addiction to Women. They stop to play a carnival game. Chaz wins a giant stuffed octopus for Mary-Beth. They sit on a bench to eat funnel cakes together, and Mary-Beth inaudibly reads sections of the book to Chaz, who is blatantly not paying attention and staring at her boobs through his sunglasses. 6

INT. BAR - NIGHT

6

Chaz and Mary-Beth are sitting in the corner of an intimate, dimly-lit bar. Chaz is drinking an appletini; Mary-Beth is sipping a glass of wine. Mary-Beth is pointing out passages from Jesus Wants You to be Celibate to Chaz. They are laughing and talking inaudibly. 7

INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT

7

Chaz and Mary-Beth are sitting in the middle of the theater at a midnight movie, watching ’The Goonies.’ Chaz is, for once, not wearing his sunglasses. They both reach into their bag of popcorn at the same time and their hands touch briefly. They make eye contact. Chaz immediately shifts uncomfortably, pulls his glasses out from his pocket, and puts them on. Mary-Beth shifts the other way and stares ahead at the screen. 8

EXT. PARK - DAY

8

Chaz and Mary-Beth are sitting in a park on campus, on a blanket, having a picnic. Chaz is demonstrating to Mary-Beth the fratty way to take one’s sunglasses on and off, in slow motion. She laughs inaudibly and puts her hand on his. They make eye contact. He leans in to kiss her, but suddenly backs off and pulls out his Adam and Eve Were Wrong book from his pocket. Mary-Beth looks on longingly as he begins to read.


10. 9

INT. THE SMELLY CAT CAFE - NIGHT

9

Chaz and Mary-Beth are eating dinner at The Smelly Cat Café, sitting at the same table where they had their first meeting. He is not wearing his sunglasses. They are inaudibly talking and laughing. Suddenly, they make passionate eye contact and start heatedly making out across the table. Plates, glasses, and fake flowers go flying in the heat of the moment. End of montage. 10

INT. MARY-BETH’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

10

Chaz and Mary-Beth slam open the door to her apartment, making out. The place is pitch black, so nothing can be seen except for their silhouettes and the basic outlines of furniture. We hear the sounds of clothes being ripped off. CHAZ Be my sponsor, bitch. Chaz and Mary-Beth continue making out and fall onto the bed. 11

INT. MARY-BETH’S APARTMENT - MORNING

11

Chaz wakes up naked amongst a tangle of sheets but does not open his eyes. Mary-Beth is still sleeping next to him. CHAZ (Interior monologue) I totally got laid last night. And it was totally awesome. YESSSSSSSSS. Bow chicka wow wowwwwww. So...I guess I should go. Clothes, stat. Chaz opens his eyes slowly and is immediately face-to-face with a GIGANTIC JESUS POSTER on the low ceiling. Chaz lets out a stifled moan of panic. CHAZ (Interior monologue) JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!??!?! WHERE THE HELL AM I?!?!??!!?!?!? Chaz scrambles out of bed in a panic. He notices that the walls are adorned with crucifixes, various religious paintings and photos, and a giant sparkly banner that reads: ’JESUS!’ Chaz stumbles into the small bathroom and locks the door. He presses his back up against it and closes his eyes.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

11. CHAZ (Interior monologue) Okay, okay. This is not that bad. I can do this. I can put on my clothes and my shades and GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. You’ve fucked worse, Chaz. You’re cool, man.

Chaz opens his eyes. A nun habit is hanging from the shower rod. Chaz goes pale; his mouth drops, and his face contorts into one of horror and tremendous pain. CHAZ (High-pitched scream) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chaz runs out in the bedroom, slamming the bathroom door behind him. In the bed, Mary-Beth wakes up to the sound of Chaz’s girly screams. MARY-BETH (Startled) FUCKING WOODEN BOOBS!!!!!! Complete silence. Chaz and Mary-Beth stare at each other in mutual horror. At this moment, Chaz finally realizes her true identity. CHAZ Sweet Jesus, I fucked a nun. Chaz abruptly runs out of the room. Mary-Beth clutches the sheets around her, stunned. The door slams open again and Chaz runs back in, only to grab his sunglasses off the floor. He puts them on and runs back out-- still naked. 12

INT. CHAZ’S ROOM - NIGHT

12

Beginning of montage. ’Total Eclipse of the Heart’ is playing. Chaz is on his leather futon, shirtless, straddled by RANDOM BLONDE CHICK in a Pocahontas costume. He is wearing his glasses and holding a can of beer in one hand and a Smirnoff Ice in the other. The blonde leans in closer to whisper in his ear. RANDOM BLONDE CHICK So do you want me to... Chaz sees a flash out of the corner of his eye as she’s talking, and realizes that a silver cross necklace is dangling from her neck.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

12.

CHAZ GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!! NOOOOOOW!!!!!! RANDOM BLONDE CHICK Fuck you, you limp-dicked asshole... The blonde gets off of him, offended, and storms out. Chaz runs to his bed and grabs his zebra snuggie. He curls up in the fetal position on the futon and begins to weep. 13

INT. CHURCH - MORNING

13

Mary-Beth, dressed in her habit, is sitting in a pew in a beautiful Catholic cathedral. The priest is delivering a sermon at the pulpit, and all of the nuns around her are listening attentively. She looks outside the window right as a yellow hummer drives past. MARY-BETH FUCKING WOODEN BOOBS! Deadly silence. Everyone turns and glares at her, including the PRIEST. PRIEST I’m sorry, Sister, but that is an entirely inappropriate thing to say in God’s house. I must ask you to leave us in peace. Mary-Beth gets up with dignity and walks down the aisle, out through the doors. All eyes follow her as she leaves. When she gets out into the hallway, she begins to weep. 14

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

14

Split scene. Chaz is trudging along a sidewalk through the picturesque campus, completely alone. He is wearing his sunglasses but obviously crying underneath them. Mary-Beth is trudging along a different sidewalk, wearing her nun habit. End of montage. 15

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

15

The respective sidewalks that Chaz and Mary-Beth are walking on converge at a corner, and they are suddenly standing face-to-face outside of the on-campus homeless shelter for less fortunate people. They make eye contact but are unable (CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

13.

to say anything to each other. A homeless man, MR. JESUS, is sitting on the ground, dressed in tattered clothes and clutching a hat for change. He has a large beard and does indeed resemble Jesus. Mr. Jesus also has a mild form of Tourettes, which is expressed in the form of prophecies. Chaz and Mary-Beth do not notice him, their attention completely fixed on one another. CHAZ Yo. MARY-BETH Hi? CHAZ So... MARY-BETH (Overlapping) So... CHAZ How you been? MARY-BETH Good. I’ve been really good. Implementing God’s word into my everyday life. CHAZ That sounds boring as shit. MARY-BETH Chaz... CHAZ Sorry, sorry. No, it’s cool. You’re a nun-- I dig it. MARY-BETH (Interrupting) And how have you been? Still attending the group meetings? CHAZ Yeah. Timothy has pretty much stopped looking at tree porn for good...and Francisco invited me to his daughter’s quincenera or some shit... Everyone’s been wondering where you are.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

14.

MARY-BETH Well, I think I’ve been managing fine on my own with Jesus’ help. Silence ensues. MR. JESUS PRAISE JESUS! JESUS WANTS YOU TO EMBRACE YOUR SEXUALITY! BE A SLUT FOR JESUS! WWW.SLUTSFORJESUS.COM, 24/7! Mary-Beth and Chaz look at each other in confusion and then up to the heavens, trying to find the source of the voice. MR. JESUS I’m down here, nutballs. LISTEN TO THE WORD OF MR. JESUS! Mary-Beth and Chaz spot Mr. Jesus on the ground. They both enter a state of complete shock and awe, under the impression that this truly is Jesus speaking to them. MR. JESUS Now listen up to the gospel of the Big J, ladies. First of all, you’ve got to BE A SLUT FOR JESUS. Both of you! Spread the love! Second of all, stop being pussies. Third of all, YOU! (Pointing to Chaz) Lose the glasses. They’re tacky. Chaz takes off his sunglasses as if they were on fire and drops them on the ground. Mr. Jesus picks them up and puts them on before continuing. MR. JESUS And YOU! (Pointing to Mary-Beth) Lose the habit. It’s unbecoming. Show us your tits. Mary-Beth obeys his commanded. She rips off her habit and reveals a pleather catsuit underneath. Both Chaz’s and Mr. Jesus’ mouths drop. CHAZ (To himself) Sweet Jesus. I fucked that nun.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

15.

MR. JESUS (To Mary-Beth) God bless your soul. You were not cut out to be a nun, and hereforth Mr. Jesus declares that YOU SHALL BE A NUN NO LONGER! MARY-BETH Hallelujah! CHAZ HALLELUJAH, FUCK YES! Mary-Beth and Chaz simultaneously make ’Praise the Lord’ motions. Chaz pulls Mary-Beth into a bear hug. They make eye contact, smile, and begin making out obscenely. Mary-Beth abruptly pulls away. MARY-BETH No more degrading titles. No more Tri-Delts. No more appletinis, and especially...no more rusty trombones. CHAZ Done-zo. They continue making out, more passionately. Mary-Beth abruptly pulls away once more. MARY-BETH And no more neon shades. CHAZ Anything for you, baby. FUCKING WOODEN BOOBS! Mary-Beth laughs. They continue making out. Chaz pushes her up against the brick wall of the building. Mr. Jesus watches them through Chaz’s glasses and scratches his beard. MR. JESUS ...Spare change?


CHAZ: The Sparkling Douchebag


MARY-BETH: The Nun with Tourettes


Scene


Shot


Description


Elements


4


61


LS‐
Chaz
sitting
on
 futon


4


62


MS‐
Chaz
going
for
 his
cellphone
on
 the
futon.


4


63


CU‐
Chaz
cycling
 through
phone
for
 Mary‐Beth’s
 number


4


63


LS‐
Mary‐Beth
 enters
the
room
 and
answers
her
 cell


4


64


MS‐
Chaz,
 stretched
out
on
 the
Futon
(sitting
 up)


4


65


LS‐
Mary‐Beth


4


66


MS‐
Chaz,
 stretched
out
on
 the
Futon
(sitting


BG:

Dorm
room,
 white
walls
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:

Playboy
 centerfolds,
beer
 cans,
fish
tank,
fish,
 cell
phone,
leather
 futon
 BG:

futon
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:

leather
 futon,
cellphone
 BG:
Cell
phone
 screen/blurry
 room
in
the
 distance
 Char
2:
Chaz
 Props:
TV,
beer
 cans,
pizza
boxes
 BG:
Whitee
walls
 Char1‐
Mary‐Beth
 Props:
Frames
w/
 pictures
of
Jesus,
a
 Jesus
statue
on
a
 wooden
table,
four
 wooden
chairs,
 BG:

Dorm
room,
 white
walls
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:

Playboy
 centerfolds,
beer
 cans,
fish
tank,
fish,
 cell
phone,
leather
 futon
 BG:
Whitee
walls
 Char1‐
Mary‐Beth
 Props:
Frames
w/
 pictures
of
Jesus,
a
 Jesus
statue
on
a
 wooden
table,
four
 wooden
chairs,
 BG:

Dorm
room,
 white
walls
 Char2:
Chaz



up)


4


67


LS‐
Mary‐Beth


4


68


MS‐
Chaz


4


69


LS‐
Mary‐Beth


4


70


CU‐
Chaz’s
face
 (shoulders
up)


4


71


MS‐
Mary‐Beth


4


71


CU‐
Chaz’s
face
 (shoulders
up)


Props:

Playboy
 centerfolds,
beer
 cans,
fish
tank,
fish,
 cell
phone,
leather
 futon
 BG:
Whitee
walls
 Char1‐
Mary‐Beth
 Props:
Frames
w/
 pictures
of
Jesus,
a
 Jesus
statue
on
a
 wooden
table,
four
 wooden
chairs,
 BG:

Dorm
room,
 white
walls
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:

Playboy
 centerfolds,
beer
 cans,
fish
tank,
fish,
 cell
phone,
leather
 futon
 BG:
Whitee
walls
 Char1‐
Mary‐Beth
 Props:
Frames
w/
 pictures
of
Jesus,
a
 Jesus
statue
on
a
 wooden
table,
four
 wooden
chairs,
 BG:

Dorm
room,
 white
walls
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:

Playboy
 centerfolds,
fish
 tank,
fish,
cell
 phone,
 BG:
Whitee
walls
 Char1‐
Mary‐Beth
 Props:
Frames
w/
 pictures
of
Jesus,
 BG:

Dorm
room,
 white
walls
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:

Playboy
 centerfolds,
fish
 tank,
fish,
cell
 phone,



4


72


MS‐
Mary‐Beth


4


73


MS‐
Chaz
walking
 to
look
at
his
fish


4


74


POV
of
Fish
in
tank
 at
Chaz’s
distorted
 looking
face


4


75


MS‐
Mary‐Beth’s
 facial
 expression/face
 palming
herself


4


76


LS‐
Chaz
high‐ fiving
air/crushing
 can


5


77


Jib
up/pull
back
as

 Chaz
and
Mary‐ Beth
walk
through
 the
middle
of
a
 carnival



5


78


LS‐
Mary‐Beth
stop
 at
a
game
booth


BG:
Whitee
walls
 Char1‐
Mary‐Beth
 Props:
Frames
w/
 pictures
of
Jesus,
 BG:

Dorm
room,
 white
walls
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:

Playboy
 centerfolds,
fish
 tank,
fish,
cell
 phone,
 BG:
Dorm
room
 Comp.
Graphics‐
 Fish
swimming
and
 looking
at
Chaz
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:
Playboy
 Centerfolds,
 leather
futon
 BG:
White
walls
 Char1‐
Mary‐Beth
 Props:
Frames
w/
 pictures
of
Jesus
 staring
at
her.
 BG:

Dorm
room,
 white
walls
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:

Playboy
 centerfolds,
beer
 cans,
fish
tank,
fish,
 cell
phone,
leather
 futon
 BG:
Well
lit
 carnival
at
 nighttime.
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Extras
 Props:
Carnival
 rides,
stuffed
 animals,
balloons,
 garbage
cans,
book
 BG:
Well
lit
 carnival
at
 nighttime.



5


79


5


80


5


81


5


82


Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Extras
 Props:
Carnival
 rides,
stuffed
 animals,
garbage
 can,
book
 POV
of
Mary‐Beth:
 BG:
Typical
‘throw
 Chaz
Pays
the
 ball
and
hit
the
 Carnie
and
plays
 jugs
off
of
the
 the
game
 table’
game
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Extra
(Carnie)
 Props:
Milk
jugs,
 carnival
booth,
6
 softballs
(2
for
 chaz)
a
sign
 denoting
the
price,
 stuffed
animals,
 book
 POV
of
Carnie
 BG:
Well
lit
 watching
Chaz
give
 carnival
at
 Mary‐Beth
the
 nighttime.
 animal
and
they
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 walk
off
scene
 Char2:
Chaz
 Extras
 Props:
carnival
 booths,
flashing
 lights,
stuffed
 animals,
stuffed
 octopus
animal,
 book
 MS,
POV
of
Funnel
 BG:
Different
 cake
maker‐
Chaz
 carnival
food
 and
Mary‐Beth
 vendors.

Flashing
 walk
up
to
the
 lights
of
different
 funnel
cake
place
 rides.
 and
order
a
funnel
 cake
 Tracking
shot
of
 BG:
Well
lit
 them
walking
to
a
 carnival
at
 bench
to
eat
 nighttime.
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz



5


83


5


84


6


85


6


86


Extras
 Props:
carnival
 booths,
flashing
 lights,
stuffed
 animals,
stuffed
 octopus
animal,
 book
 MS
Chaz
looking
at
 BG:
Well
lit
 Mary‐Beth’s
boobs
 carnival
at
 as
she
is
reading
 nighttime.
 from
the
book
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Extras
 Props:
carnival
 booths,
flashing
 lights,
stuffed
 animals,
stuffed
 octopus
animal,
 book
 POV
Chaz
,
CU
on
 BG:
Well
lit
 Mary‐Beth’s
boobs.
 carnival
at
 nighttime.
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 LS‐
Chaz
and
Mary
 BG:
Somewhat
 Beth
at
an
 smoky,
dimly
lit
 “intimate”
dimly‐lit
 bar/strip
club
 bar
where
their
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 backs
are
to
the
 Char2:
Chaz
 camera
 Extras
 (barkeep/dancers)
 Props:
neon
signs
 displaying
that
 there
are
nude
 girls
‘XXX’.
Alcohol
 bottles,
cash
 register,
stripper
 pole,
stripper
 stage,
bar,
ash
tray
 MS:
Chaz
and
 BG:
Somewhat
 Mary‐Beth
are
 smoky,
dimly
lit
 drinking
and
 bar/strip
club
 talking
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Extras
 (barkeep/dancers)



6


87


6


88


7


89


7


90


Props:
neon
signs
 displaying
that
 there
are
nude
 girls
‘XXX’.
Alcohol
 bottles,
stripper
 pole,
stripper
 stage,
bar,
ash
tray
 LS:
Stripper
falls
 BG:
Somewhat
 off
of
a
pole
 smoky,
dimly
lit
 bar/strip
club
 Extra
 (barkeep/dancers)
 Props:
neon
signs
 displaying
that
 there
are
nude
 girls
‘XXX’,
stripper
 pole,
stripper
 stage,
bar,
ash
tray
 MS:
Mary‐Beth
and
 BG:
Somewhat
 Chaz
pointing
and
 smoky,
dimly
lit
 laughing
at
the
 bar/strip
club
 fallen
stripper
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Extras
 (barkeep/dancers)
 Props:
neon
signs
 displaying
that
 there
are
nude
 girls
‘XXX’.
Alcohol
 bottles,
stripper
 pole,
stripper
 stage,
bar,
ash
tray
 MS:
Chaz
and
 BG:
Dimly
lit,
 Mary‐Beth
at
the
 theater
 theaters
 atmosphere
w/
red
 seats
and
a
black
 wall
behind
the
 seats
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:
Red
seats,
 pop
corn
tub,
2
 drinks
 CU:
Split
 BG:
Red
seat
to
 screen/tracking
 popcorn
bag.



shot
of
characters
 hands
going
into
 the
pop
corn
 (Editing
Mark,
 make
the
split
 screen
come
 together)
 CU:
Both
of
the
 characters
are
in
 popcorn
@
the
 same
time.


7


90


7


91


MS:
Characters
 make
eye
contact,
 Chaz
puts
on
 sunglasses
inside


8


92


LS:
Mary‐Beth
and
 Chaz
in
the
park
at
 a
picnic


8


93


MS:
Chaz
and
 Mary‐Beth
taking
 shades
on
and
off


8


94


MS:
slow
zoom
to
 CU
as
they
lean
in


Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:
2
Drinks,
 popcorn
bag,
 popcorn.
 BG:
Characters
 clothing
and
 popcorn
bag
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:
Popcorn,
 popcorn
bag
 BG:
Dimly
lit,
 theater
 atmosphere
w/
red
 seats
and
a
black
 wall
behind
the
 seats
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:
Red
seats,
 pop
corn
tub,
2
 drinks
 BG:
A
rural
park
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:
 Yellow/black
 checkered
blanket,
 picnic
basket,
 bottle
of
wine,
 trees,
bushes
 BG:
A
rural
park
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:
 Yellow/black
 checkered
blanket,
 picnic
basket,
 bottle
of
wine,
 trees,
bushes
 BG:
A
rural
park
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth



to
kiss


8


95


POV:
Mary‐Beth
as
 Chaz
pulls
back
 and
takes
out
his
 book


8


96


POV:
Chaz
of
Mary‐ Beth
smiling


8


97


MS:
Chaz
reading
 to
Mary‐Beth


Char2:
Chaz
 Props:
 Yellow/black
 checkered
blanket,
 picnic
basket,
 bottle
of
wine,
 trees,
bushes
 BG:
A
rural
park
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:
Trees,
 bushes
 BG:
A
rural
park
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:
Trees,
 bushes
 BG:
A
rural
park
 Char1:
Mary‐Beth
 Char2:
Chaz
 Props:
 Yellow/black
 checkered
blanket,
 picnic
basket,
 bottle
of
wine



Scene
2,
Shot
26‐
Medium
Shot‐
Mary‐Beth
listening
to
Francisco.



Scene
2,
Shot
27‐
Medium
Close
Up/
Split
Screen‐
Chaz
looking
at
Mary‐Beth.



Scene
2,
Shot
28‐
Medium
Shot‐
Mary‐Beth
speaking
to
the
sex
addiction
class.



Scene
2,
Shot
29‐
Medium
Shot‐
Francisco
speaking
to
Sex
Addiction
group.



Scene
2,
Shot
30‐
Long
Shot‐
Francisco
pelvic
thrusting.



Scene 1: Mary-Beth coming out of the library

Scene 1: Chaz almost hitting Mary-Beth at a crosswalk


Scene 3: Mary-Beth and Chaz meeting at The Smelly Cat CafĂŠ

Scene 12: Chaz hooking up with a girl on a couch in his frat castle


Scene 15: Mary-Beth and Chaz meeting at the corner where Mr. Jesus is sitting


Soundtrack

Your
Body
is
a
Wonderland
by
John
Mayer
 o This
song
occurs
during
Scene
1,
after
Chaz
and
Mary
Beth
finish
their
 argument.
Chaz
jumps
back
into
his
yellow
Hummer
and
cranks
up
his
 stereo,
which
is
playing
this
song.
We
chose
this
song
because
we
believe
that
 it
fits
with
Chaz’s
douchey
personality
and
taste
in
music
perfectly.


So
Happy
Together
by
the
Turtles

 o This
song
occurs
during
Scene
5
as
the
background
music
for
a
montage
of
 scenes,
during
which
Chaz
and
Mary‐Beth
go
on
various
dates
and
fall
in
love.
 We
chose
this
classic
song
because
we
wanted
to
convey
to
the
audience
how
 perfect
Chaz
and
Mary‐Beth
are
together,
even
though
they
are
so
seemingly
 opposite.


Twilight
Zone
Theme
Song
 o This
song
occurs
during
Scene
11
when
Chaz
wakes
up
in
Mary‐Beth’s
 apartment,
only
to
find
a
plethora
of
Jesus
posters
on
the
wall
and
her
nun’s
 habit
hanging
in
the
bathroom.
We
chose
this
song
to
convey
to
the
audience
 the
sheer
horror
Chaz
feels
when
he
sees
these
things
and
realizes
that
he
 has
just
slept
with
a
nun.



Total
Eclipse
of
the
Heart
by
Bonnie
Tyler
 o This
song
occurs
during
Scene
12
as
the
background
music
for
the
second
 montage,
when
Chaz
and
Mary‐Beth
are
apart.
We
chose
this
notoriously



melodramatic
song
to
convey
their
sadness
about
the
breakup,
but
also
give
 the
montage
a
comedic
touch.
 •

All
Out
of
Love
by
Air
Supply
 o This
song
occurs
in
Scene
14,
during
the
split
scene
of
Chaz
and
Mary‐Beth
 walking
down
separate
sidewalks,
both
visibly
distraught
before
they
run
 into
each
other
at
the
corner.
We
chose
this
song
to
deliver
the
message
that
 the
two
have
realized
they
can’t
be
without
each
other—leading
up
to
the
 happy
ending
of
the
film.


T206 Final Project  

Sluts Go to Heaven, Nuns Go to Hell

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