Page 1

Wesley Henry’s Facebook Book Preview Follow Wesley Henry: @wesleyhenry1

Wesley Henry’s Facebook I just dropped my external hard drive in the bath. 30 May at 14:17

If anyone sees Shelly tell her I’m getting on with my life. I’m seizing the day and making the most of every breath. I’ve got a job working at home blowing up balloons for childrens parties. 30 May at 14:22

I’m not wasting any more time. I feel like Benjamin Button. 30 May at 14:23

42 isn’t old. All I need to do is work on my upper body strength.

looked in the window so I ran into the pantry. 30 May at 14:42

My hands are covered in pickled onion juice and scotch egg crumbs, it’s getting all over the balloons. 30 May at 14:51

A woman just walked past the house. 30 May at 14:52

I just shouted out the window to tell her that basically I just don’t feel I am ready to be back on the market yet and apologised. 30 May at 14:58

30 May at 14:25

The fresh air has dried the salt onto my cheeks.

The long balloons really take it out of you.

It tastes like Hula Hoops.

30 May at 14:26

30 May at 14:59

30 May at 15:00

The long red balloons are a real endurance event to blow up.

Just got told off by my Mom for still being in my pyjamas.

Blowing up a balloon by mouth takes discipline, skill and a certain level of aerobic fitness. That’s even before tying the thing.

Mom made me turn the radio and cd player off and carry all the balloons I blew up in the lounge upstairs to my bedroom.

My living room looks like I’m having a party to people going past the house at the moment.

I kept on dropping them because my biceps need work.

30 May at 14:29

30 May at 14:35

30 May at 14:37

Someone might drop in thinking it’s a house party. 30 May at 14:37

All I have in the fridge is milk though and a few savouries. 30 May at 14:39

To be honest 42 is a man’s prime I think nowadays. 30 May at 14:40

2011 - 1963 = 48. According to Wikipedia Brad Pitt is 48. 30 May at 14:41

Some bloke just walked past and

30 May at 15:05

30 May at 15:26

30 May at 15:26

I’ve sneaked a tin of tuna up to my room to get my protein up. It’s gotten all over the balloon mouth bit. Gonna have to wash all these in the shower before I take them to the party later. 30 May at 15:28

I’ve got a full blown sweat on.

I’ve blown up 42 balloons so far. Minus the one I had to get rid of because I accidently gobbed in it whilst blowing it up. 30 May at 15:36

I bet the other kids Dev hired won’t be exercising the same level of quality control as I am. Bet they’ve got flob in all theirs.They are just kids man. With age comes experience and maturity. 30 May at 15:38

I just had an email from Top Man. 42 is young these days. 30 May at 15:39

I just passed out for a minute or two. I had my back to the radiator and expended all my oxygen supply what with the blowing all them balloons up. I woke up feeling fresh as a daisy, I really reckon I’m like that Benjamin Button chap, I was a proper ugly baby Mom says. 30 May at 15:43

Dev has just phoned and told me a parent from the last party I did has complained to him. 30 May at 15:48

Apparently a lot of the balloons had pubes on them. Dev is laying the blame on me, he says the other lads aren’t old enough but I reckon they’ve all just set me up. 30 May at 15:50

I feel sick.

30 May at 15:51

He kept on saying at your age you should know better. You should know now Wes. Wes it’s not good enough. It’s no good. 30 May at 15:53

30 May at 15:29

Whats the pint?

42 is just the right age to get on in business I think.

I meant to type point.

30 May at 15:33

All my life was just training for this point I reckon. 30 May at 15:34

30 May at 15:54

30 May at 15:54

I’ve just been sick on the floor and partially on an orange balloon. 30 May at 15:55

I tried dabbing the carpet but it’s just making it worse. It’s the smell more than anything. 30 May at 15:56

I’m having to keep all the balloons up in the air at all times so they don’t land in the vomit. 30 May at 15:57

My heads pounding, one of the balloons just got out the window. 30 May at 16:01

Can’t get the taste of sick and balloons out my mouth. It’s too much. 30 May at 16:05

My lungs, stomach and kidneys feel like they are giving way. 30 May at 16:21

I can’t figure how to turn the heating down in my room it’s stuck on high. When I collapsed on the radiator I must have knocked the dial, it’s stuck now and won’t go back. The balloons are popping in the heat, I don’t know what to do. The heat is too much, it’s unbearable. I can’t take it much longer. It is hotter than Spain. 30 May at 16:23

In the heat the sick has dried into the carpet and gone crusty, the smell is unreal. 30 May at 16:27

I’ve managed to get the heating off by collapsing on the radiator again. It’s completely off the wall now. I’ve lost half of the balloons but I’m going to put the rest in the shower with me to get clean. 30 May at 17:05

I was hunched over being sick out of the window and some woman saw me and just shook her head. It was humiliating. 30 May at 17:04

I’ve ran out of shower gel so had to use window cleaner and it’s swolen my eyes up. The balloons have come up a treat though. 30 May at 17:13

I was sick again on the way back into my room but feel better for it now. I caught my reflection in the mirror a minute ago I think I am definately getting younger like Benjamin Button.

big arms and find somebody.

Just eating some Monster Munch whilst my hair dries. Then I am off to Dev’s.

Dev said it was unprofessional to take balloons into the shower with you and that getting pubes on them was unforgivable. I said it wasn’t even me the first time. Dev sacked me. I’ve been stitched up.

30 May at 17:16

30 May at 17:17

Got all the balloons attached to a string round my neck like an elaborate scarf but its chafing on my dry skin from the shower. I’m in a rush now. 30 May at 17:20

Eating a sausage roll diagonally and a chocolate eclair sideways, on my way to Dev’s, running. 30 May at 17:22

Just stepped on a prophylactic accidently and slipped over, some of the balloons broke my fall but I popped two. 30 May at 17:23

My elbow is gashed, it’s teeming with blood all over my shirt through to my jumper. 30 May at 17:24

Got to Dev’s now, waiting at the front door. 30 May at 17:25

Dev just hit me. 30 May at 17:25

Dev said I’d messed up big time and that the balloons were covered in all sorts of filth. 30 May at 17:27

I can’t believe it man. 30 May at 17:28

30 May at 17:31

I’ve just been sick again. All over my front, people keep on shaking their heads. 30 May at 17:31

30 May at 17:34

Dev’s a prick

30 May at 17:35

All this pain will only add to my repertoire and experience bank as an actor. 12 June at 14:38

I’m 42 I don’t need to be blowing his balloons up for a living I can do it myself. 42 is a good age to get a business going. I’ll drive him out of town. Dev aint got a clue. 30 May at 17:36

I’ve just bin sick in a bin. 30 May at 17:39

I’m in my prime, I’ll get down the gym a bit and get my confidence back in my body and I’ll be sorted. I’ll have my own balloon business, be a famous actor, have big arms and get a woman in my life. 30 May at 17:39

I’ve just bin sick in a skip. 30 May at 17:39

I’ve just hit rock bottom. 31 May at 15:40 via Bebo

I'm eating beans in the bath. 31 May at 15:49

My body is in ruins and I’m only 42 man. 30 May at 17:29

Shelly took the best years of my life and now what? Well I tell her now I’m gonna build myself up and get

Follow Wesley Henry: @wesleyhenry1

Preview of ‘Things Take Longer Than You Think’ You can buy the full book from our shop:

Wesley Henry's Log  

Preview from the book, 'Things Take Longer Than You Think'