Ca e s a rTr a v e l st oEl i z a b e t ht o wn Ana r r a t i v epho t ob o o kb y : Ev a nHi nk l e y
Once upon a time... it was a boring day at Elizabethtown College in Elizabethtown, PA. The sky was overcast and cloudy and there was not a whistle of wind to be heard. In fact, it was so quiet that one could hear himself or herself breathing over all other sounds. It was the type of day when students lumber around their dorms passing the boring time with boring acivities such as crossword puzzles, rubix cubes, and sudoku puzzles. No student ventured outside unless this was necessary. Even the so called, â€œoverachieversâ€? at the college stayed indoors with no motivation to do their homework. The day was truly the most boring and average day within the history of boring and average days. 1
The wrath of this boring day did not exclude communications students at the college who were â€œcouped upâ€? in the Steinman Center all day.
The boring white walls of the Steinman Center provided the perfect environment for students to fall asleep during class. Ironically enough, the day was so boring that the professors were too lazy to even bother to wake up sleeping students. One of these sleeping students was Apple-Jack Simpson. His real name was Winston Walter Simpson, but everyone knew him as Apple-Jack. Apple-Jack was one of the laziest students within the Communications Department, and he always put forth the minimum amount of effort needed to pass a class.
When class had ended, one of Apple-Jackâ€™s friends named Tony D. Tigerello was nice enough to wake him up and tell him that class had ended. Upon hearing this, Apple-Jack slowly got up and lumbered down the hallway. He was half-awake and half-asleep.
Apple-Jack was conscious enough to know how to be lazy. He was so tired and lazy, that he decided to take the elevator in the Steinman Center, instead of walking down one flight of stairs. Apple-Jack had never used this elevator before. In fact, he couldnâ€™t recall anyone that ever used this elevator. The old elevator door slowly opened, inviting Apple-Jack to enter. Apple-Jack took one last look at the stairs across from the elevator before entering the unknown and almost ominous looking elevator. He couldnâ€™t turn back now.
The inside of the elevator was very cold, but other than the slight temperature difference, it was similar to a standard elevator. However, when Apple-Jack pressed the elevator button that would take him to the first floor, the elevator began to shake and make loud engine sounds, comparable to a racecar.
Before Apple-Jack could press the alarm button, the lights in the elevator shut off and the elevator door quickly closed. Apple-Jack felt defenseless in the pitch black elevator as it shook all directions. The last thing Apple-Jack would remember was the smell of smoke in the elevator. He was not aware of the powers this elevator wielded.
When the elevator stopped shaking, the lights in it turned back on again and the smoke cleared. Standing inside of the elevator was the powerful leader of Rome: Julius Caesar. The elevator was indeed a time travel device that could transport and transform individuals into people from other civilizations. When Apple-Jack told the elevator to take him to the first floor, it actually transformed him into someone from around 75 B.C.-100 B.C. Thus, his body remained the same, but his clothes and brain belonged to Julius Caesar. 8
As Caesar stepped out of the elevator, he had no idea where he was, and what the bright light (the light bulbs) from above were composed of. Caesar was determined to not be intimidated by this new world. He set out to conquer and explore this new civilization, longing to add to his massive empire.
Within his first steps outside of the Steinman Center, Caesar finally found something in this new world that he could identify. â€œThey stole my columnsâ€?, he remarked. After admiring the workmanship of the columns, he trudged on to find observe other objects in this new civilization.
Caesar stumbled upon a water fountain that was spewing out water. He was surprised by this odd system of water transportation. “My aquaducts are much more advanced than this,” he said. Caesar didn’t understand the concept of a water fountain. He thought it was transporting water from one place to another. Caesar left the water fountain to search for other new objects.
What Caesar found next really upset him. “Why do they have a statue of some fellow holding... whatever it is he’s holding. They should erect a gold statue of me and destroy this appalling piece of metal”, he yelled in anger. Nobody within the area gave any attention to Caesar’s demands. Finally, after calming himself down, Caesar longed for some nourishment and he ventured to nearest eating venue (where his nose took him).
Inside the cafeteria, Caesar found an apple that pleased him and searched for a “peasant” to feed it to him. He found a women who was working in the cafeteria and commanded her to cut and feed him the apple. She looked at him in confusion. “Why can’t you eat it yourself ?”, the women asked. This really angered Caesar who shouted out Roman insults at the cafeteria worker before exiting the cafeteria.
Once he left the cafeteria, Caesar saw a venue that resembled an athletic sport venue. He walked up to the venue to get a closer look. Caesar was confused by the artificial turf, and he didn’t understand what all of the lines on the field meant. Caesar was mostly puzzled by the small number of seats available to view the field. “The Coliseum is much larger than this, and offers thousands upon thousands with a place to view the action”, he snarled. Even though he felt his empire was better than this new civilization, Caesar began to feel lonely in this new place. He sought out to find people he could talk to in this new world. 14
While wondering the hallways inside of a dorm, he saw three men dressed in Roman togas. â€œMy people!â€?, he yelled as he entered the room to speak with his loyal subjects.
When Caesar approached the “Romans”, they offered him a cup for a beverage of sorts. Caesar was confused by this, and he tried to talk to the group of “Romans”. They didn’t seem to understand what he was saying, and they soon began ignoring him and chanting “Toga! Toga! Toga!”.
Caesar was ashamed of his people, and he left the dorm room very upset. He didnâ€™t understand why nobody would listen or talk to him. This was a strange new world for Caesar who was accustomed to ruling an Empire.
Caesar grew tired of this new civilization and he longed to return to the Roman Empire. He sat down and began to cry. What did he have to do to get back to Rome? Why couldnâ€™t he find at least one friend who would talk to him?
All of a sudden, a friendly communications student at the college tapped Caesar on the shoulder. She offered to spend time with him and talk to him because he looked sad. Caesar was overwhelmed with joy and happiness.
She grabbed Caesar’s arm to take him with her to the Steinman Center. “C’mon lets go! I’ll show you this video I’m working on upstairs in Steinman. You look tired right now, so we can take the elevator!”, the student said. As the two entered the elevator to go to the second floor, it began to shake and the lights went out... again!
When the elevator opened and the lights came back on, Apple-Jack stepped out of the elevator. He had been transformed back to himself and Caesar was transported back to Rome. Behind Apple-Jack, there was a new figure that emerged. The helpful communications student Emily Dotter was transformed into...
Julius Caesarâ€™s wife Cleopatra! Here we go again! The End.