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effectual For The Spirit Controlled Woman

Change The Seasons of our Life God’s Leading Lady Temituokpe Esisi Tailoring with a Mission Meat In Due Season How to avoid Crop Failure Sista Power My Mother-in-law, My Sister? You must be joking!

+ Regulars Spring Homemaker Parenting Me 2 U Issue 4 Volume 2 N500, €2.50, $4.50

Issn 0331-6319

For Women & Those Who Love Them


T h e l i f e s p r i n g f e l lo ws h i p invites you to

A n I n t e r d e n o m i n a t i o n a l Yo u t h Fe l l o w s h i p Venue Chelsea Suites 21 Road, Opp. E/F Close, Festac Town, Lagos Time: 8:00 am (Every 1st Saturday) Lawley's Garden 40 Old ojo Road (Opposite Sandra Hotel), by 1st Gate, Kuje Amuwo, Lagos Time: 9:00 am (Every 2nd Saturday) ...relevance is the key Fo r e n q u i r i e s P l e a s e C a l l - 0 8 0 3 3 0 3 6 4 0 9 , 0 8 0 2 9 0 5 6 6 4 2


Contents Issue 4, Volume 2

16 COLUMNS Aroma Change…the only constant thing...................................... 8 Relationships The Power of Agreement................................................. 10 Xpressions of the Spirit Change Agents................................................................. 12 Impressions Who Are You?................................................................... 16 God’s Leading Lady An inspiration and a Testimony...................................... 20

Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

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Contents Issue 4, Volume 2

Features Meat in Due Season How to Avoid Crop Failure....................42 Dressing Up Ankara Rules!........................................46 Go Explore Dubai.....................................................54 Reflections Glorify God in Your Infirmities............58

COLUMNS View Point Eat All Your Food..................................26 Women of the Bible Tamar: When Life Deals You a Heavy Blow.......................................................28 Spring Re: Cross Roads.....................................32 Home Maker We Are on the Same Side; You Know...............................................38 Victoria's Secrets Tips for a More Beautiful You...............40

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Sista Power My Mother-in-law, My Sister? You Must Be Joking..............................66 Parenting They’re Smarter than You Think..........66 Intel 4 Life The Tragedy of Sight Without Insight.70 Listening Ear Your Questions Answered....................72 Pastor's Wife Serving an Uncommon Man.................74 Special Needs Therapy Treating Fragile X Syndrome...............................................76 Ultimately Your Morning Will Come......................84 Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


effectual For The Spirit Controlled Woman

Chairman Mark Mordi Publisher/Editor-in-Chief Bidemi Mark-Mordi Managing Editor Kemi Oyelude Columnists Mark Mordi / Ngozi Oji / Abiodun Fijabi / Femi Olojola / Amaka Mokwe / Lily Olubi Tomi Odutola / Esther Benenoch / Chinyere Ayo-Osibogun / Nafan Contributors Chinwe Iromuanya / Uko Kalu / Yemisi Olumide / Kehinde Ejoigu Advert/Marketing Promise Okoli / Josephine Ogheneme / Joyce Eboh / Ijeoma Okechukwu Advisory Board Bode Ladenegan Kate Keku Chogwu Akoh Abimbola Akeredolu Photography GNX Photography, +234-802 704 4418, 0702 552 9967 Creative Consultancy/Layout Design Cypress Hill Communication Ltd +234-1-8166825, 0803 306 8091, 0805 754 4985 effectual is a publication of Verbatim Communications Limited 5th Avenue, A1 Close (Festival Suites) Festac Town, Lagos. Tel: 08033036409, 08029056642 E-mail: info@effectualmag.com

O u r Vi s i o n To help women all over find their Purpose in God • To help women all over walk in this Purpose using the Word of God as our guide and the Holy Spirit as our Helper.

Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

Power Quote A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when she marries a man, bears a child, and does dirty linen; not even when she joins a women's liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be. K e n n e t h

G .

S m i t h

Learning to be a woman.

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Columnists MARK MORDI MEAT IN DUE SEASON Mark Mordi is a graduate of the University of Benin where he studied Law, with over 18 years post call as a lawyer, his area of specialization is Intellectual Law, Litigation and Arbitration amongst others. Mark is also a Pastor, he loves to study the Bible, watch and play football. Mark lives in Lagos Nigeria and his passion is to win souls for Christ.

CHINWE IROMUANYA CINDERELLA GOES TO THE BALL AGAIN Chinwe Iromuanya is a Lawyer, Author and Public Speaker. ChiChi and her husband Tony operate LifeSeed Ministries. She is the author of the inspirational book “Enabled for His Glory�. ChiChi as a motivational speaker and uses her life to motivate and inspire people facing challenges in life to believe that they can do all things through Christ. ChiChi and Tony are blessed with four sons.

AMAKA MOKWE SPECIAL NEEDS Mokwe Nneamaka is a trained Montessori Directress with specialty on Early Years education (0-6years). She is also a trained Special Needs therapist and an experienced Portage (Therapist), specializing on IQ development and total rehabilitation. She is one of the Therapist at Eliakim Family and Childcare Centre. Contact:

08038597315, 08062109072, 08056533271, 08034934963, 07028103332

NGOZI OJI PARENTING/SISTA POWER Ngozi Oji holds a Masters degree in Public Administration. She is married and a mother to two lovely children. Her passion is bringing the Kingdom to bear on everyday life via drama.

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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


Kemi Oyelude Impressions Kemi is an entrepreneur who enjoys interior design. She is resident in Lagos State.

Chinyere Ayo-Osibogun Victoria’s Secrets Chinyere is a graduate of English Education, married with children. She is a Make-up Artist and Skin care Consultant. She runs Blush a Make upand Skin Care Salon. Chinyere can be reached on 08033035937 Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

FEMI OLOJOLA GO EXPLORE Femi Olojola is a graduate of Political Science, University of Ibadan, Nigeria. He runs a tours service company; Go Trips & Tours Ltd. They organize all types of trips & tours to Ghana, Other parts of Africa, UK, Dubai and the Caribbean’s. Contact: +234-8023525103, +23418047279, +2347038327432, +23327784650. Email: gttours@yahoo.com

Adetomike Omowunmi ODUTOLA Listening Ear ‘Tomi Odutola fondly known as Mummy T is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she studied English and Philosophy. She has worked as an Advertising Executive for many years before leaving to set up Everlasting Doors, a Catering and Confectionery outfit.

ABIODUN FIJABI INTEL 4 LIFE Abiodun is a Trainer, Public Speaker, Writer and Minister. He has conducted Leadership and Communication Seminars in four continents. He is the host of Leading Right on Radio. He makes his home in Abeokuta, South West, Nigeria. He can be reached on 07034078056

Contact: 0803 305 7990

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AROMA

Chan W

hen I was a child, I am told I was one very ambitious hyperactive child. Then I became a teenager and what people said started to matter. I became very rebellious and messy, yet extremely timid. But so much time has passed and I have continued to evolve and change. Gradually I am becoming my own person. Each one of us has had to go through our individual change processes and some as dramatic as mine and others not that earth shattering. Today as I look at my children and see how they are changing everyday, it just goes on to reaffirm my conviction that life may change, fashion, technology, entertainment may change but in the end,

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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


AROMA

ge…

the only constant thing

change comes to everybody and if we look at fashion, music, and even religion, what is has been before. Nothing, is really new on the face of the earth because in the end what is ordained and what is been said is what will be. Please bear with my philosophy. Our God’s Leading Lady for this edition is a rare gem. Meet for yourself Temituopke Esisi, owner of Tuopsy and the 10,000 Women Entrepreneurial Achievement Award winner for 2009. She is a tailor with a mission. Change has recently come upon her and she was gracious to share with us her life’s story. Women of the Bi-

“Today as I look at my children and see how they are changing everyday, …in the end, change comes to everybody.” ble, presents another Tamar, and discusses what we can do when life deals us a heavy blow. Meat in Due Season is a treatise on what to do to avoid crop failure, in this day of economic meltdowns we need to know what to do so we will stay ahead of things. Foodplus is a new segment for food tips and recipes that you will enjoy. We, at Effectual are grateful to God for another opportunity to come your way and do pray that you find this edition as rewarding as we did bringing it your way. Enjoy the ride.

FEEDBACK

T

he Magazine, Effectual is simple but full of quality in its presentation and packaging. The quality made me pay for the magazine even without reading the contents. It has and possesses this foreign touch and more or less passes the test of the global reach. I also envision a faith filled dream coming to pass in the life of the Publisher. (The birth of a dream) I will like to commend the team and editorial board for a job well done. Congratulations! God bless you. - Chikezie Oke

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RELATIONSHIPS

The power of

AGREEMENT

I

n my twelve years of marriage and in my short life as an adult, responsible for and to myself, one of my greatest challenges has been to be in agreement with those with whom I have had to

relate. Being a person who isn’t perfect but looks for perfection in others, I have had running battles with those who wonder what my drive is. Early in my marriage therefore, you can imagine what it was like at home when as I am full of imperfections yet, expecting so much from my husband and others around me. It became some kind of witch hunt where every one just knew that I would definitely find a fault in what they had done or hadn’t done. So, it turned out that they either avoided me

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like a plague or prepared for a fight each time I approached. But there came a time, as I grew as a Christian when it began to dawn on me that more could be achieved if we all just found common ground and agreed in particular ways in which we wanted to run and resolve the issues that we had at hand. Agreement is not something that we had to do because we find ourselves in a world where we needed to relate with other people but it is part of how God had ordained for men to live. In Amos 3:3, the Bible asks if two can walk together except they be in agreement. What this means is that there is no partnership that will work or that is viable without an agreement between the parties. I find that in the work that I do, agreement with my husband and lately with other people that I have to work with, is of paramount importance and to tell you the truth I had to learn the hard way. I started to notice that whenever I disagreed with my husband before I went to minister at the fellowship that I run, attendance will be at an all time low, and something will be bound to go wrong. By the time I noticed that it had started to become a pattern, I decided that I was always going to make peace before Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


RELATIONSHIPS I went out of the house no matter what the issue was, and God has helped me to maintain that resolve since then. I have also heard men say that whenever there was an unresolved issue between them and their wives, it makes it difficult for concentration and progress in their own personal lives. But the one that freaks me out the most is the fact that those who run businesses from which they get their livelihood just find out that business isn’t moving as expected because the other party is unhappy or because they have unresolved issues. It was Joyce Meyer in her bestselling book ‘Help me am Married’, who said that especially in a marriage situation, agreement is of paramount importance. She said that she finds that if they have issues and they have prayed and prayed and it doesn’t seem to be working out they deploy sexual agreement as a weapon and that the issue usually gives way. This may not be scientific enough for a lot of us, but think about it, when is a man and his wife in the most intimate state of agreement? Today, as I go around my business, I find that each time there is something very important to achieve in my life and ministry, I just make sure that my husband sees what I see and agrees with it. Each of those times, I found that no matter the obstacles, it worked out in the end. How did I get to this point? I have deployed as much as is possible, the technique or principle of not letting the sun go down on my anger. I have also made sure that instead of going off on a tirade as I am want to do, I hold my peace, say

nothing until I can say what I am thinking without saying the wrong thing. Most of all, I have learnt not to always have an opinion especially when my husband feels very strongly about the matter. Lastly, but most importantly, I have learnt to rely on the person of the Holy Spirit to set a guard in my mouth and make sure that I use it in my relationships to say words that add value and edify. Look, I am not trying to trivialize the issues that we face in our day to day relationships especially in our marriage situations, but I can tell you that there is no

I find that in the work that I do, agreement with my husband and…other people… is of paramount importance…

Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

partnership without an agreement and there are no agreements without issues sometimes but if we keep our sight on the big picture and work hand in hand, we will get to our goal without destroying the very building we have set out to build. Did I hear you praying already? We have need to ask for help from God, and I know that He will hear us. Till the next time, keep the agreement in your relationship because if the enemy is able to send division into the camp, then he will be able to destroy everything within it. I pray that God himself will keep and teach us himself. Shalom! 11


XPRESSIONS OF THE SPIRIT

Change AGENTS

F

rom the beginning of time (Genesis 1), it has been proven that God is a God of change. Everything He does or has ever planned has been focused on the fact that change must occur positively for and in all that He has created. 12

Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


XPRESSIONS OF THE SPIRIT It is also a known fact that Satan too is consumed by the need to change things and lives. From Genesis 3, when he instigated and executed the fall of man, this idea has been proven and the trend has not changed since then. The only snag is that Satan is preoccupied with negative change. In Genesis 1:26, we also see the fact that God created man in His image and likeness. If you are a student of philosophy (and we all are, because we all believe in different things, we can infer that if God is a God of change and man is created in the image and likeness of God, then man is also an agent of change. What all of this means is the fact that no matter what happens, man has been put on earth to bring about change. That is why God said Genesis 1:28 that man should be fruitful, multiply, replenish the earth, subdue it and have dominion. What this scripture is saying is that God has given man the power and the authority to bring about change. Therefore, wherever we are, it is expected that things around us should change for the better; but before we can bring about any effective change in the lives and situations of others, we must first exercise this power and gifting in our own lives. It’s in the Bible that men will not believe except they see signs and wonders, and we always translate this to mean that we are to work miracles so that men might believe. While this interpretation is not entirely wrong, I think that there is a better one: we ought to be miracles, so that when people see us as miracles and understand the ability to reproduce these miracles, they will have no choice but Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

to believe that God is indeed a God of change. All I am trying to say is that God created His creation in a particular way. Satan came in and changed all of creation negatively, and God has in return entrusted to us the responsibility of changing all of creation positively back to what God originally created it to be! If we look at Isaiah 61: 1-4, Luke 4:18 – 19, you will see that this was and still is the essence of creation and it is the only reason man was created and the chief reason Jesus was manifested. Now, looking again, you will notice a list of situations that God had ordained for us to do in order to cause change: 1. Preach good tidings to the meek, and preach the good news to the poor. What could possibly be good news to a poor man? A poor man wants to hear how to move out of poverty into wealth. Again, is it possible for one poor man to show another poor man how not to be poor? If he knows how to be rich, he should first preach to himself and live it. The wealth must be seen in practical terms if the poor man is to believe him. 2. Heal the broken hearted. 3. Announce freedom to the captives. 4. Pardon all prisoners. 5. Announce the year of grace. 6. Proclaim a celebration over God’s destruction of the enemy. These, and much more, are the changes that God wants us to effect by His Spirit. Is it possible to bring change in any particular aspect of a person’s life without first receiving change in your own life? For me the answer is still NO! This brings me to the next question: 13


XPRESSIONS OF THE SPIRIT Have you received change in all the areas of life that need change? If not, then we must find out how to receive this change so we can apply it to our lives and become effective change agents. This responsibility is of paramount importance because creation understands and is waiting for a manifestation of this power for change. Romans 8: 19 spells this out clearly. How then do we bring about change in us and then in others? Romans 12: 1-2 tells to not be conformed to the standards of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, but preceding is the fact that we must first present our bodies as

others will accept that what you bring is authenticated by God. They want to assess the life you live and see if it tallies with what God is saying. After all, the Bible says that we will be known by the fruit we bear. AGENTS WHO FAILED: THE YOUNG PROPHET – 1 Kings 13:1-29 This prophet was sent by God to Bethel to proclaim what He, God, would do to the king and the people if they did not repent. After he finished, he went his way but was met on the way by an older prophet who invited him into his house to eat and rest. With a little persuasion he went with the older prophet

Let us live up to the responsibility that God has put on us, let us work on ourselves so that we live up to our bidding as effective agents of change everyday living sacrifices. The process is therefore something like this: a. Present your bodies as living sacrifices. b. Be holy. c. Be acceptable to God- ensure that your holiness is not based on man’s standards, but on God’s. Remember that God is a God of planning, purpose and process. d. Render quality service. e. Do not conform to the world’s standards. f. Be transformed by renewing your mind. It is only through this process that 14

and that led to his fall and death. For at least twelve months I had asked God why this happened. Just this morning He told me that the problem was that the young prophet wasn’t free and he attempted to proclaim liberty for others. He lacked self-control which incidentally is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. What this means is that he had not renewed his mind but was still conforming to the standard of the world, because it was the standard of the world to regard and believe the old prophet. If he was transformed, he would have asked God, which he even had no need to, because God had given him express instructions. Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


XPRESSIONS OF THE SPIRIT He lacked self-control because he turned aside to eat and drink. DORCAS AN AGENT OF SUCCESSFUL CHANGE: ACTS 9: 36 – 42. Dorcas was neither a prophetess nor a judge; she was neither married nor a mother. The circumstances around her did not in anyway show that she was a winner, but Dorcas had obviously risen above all that life had thrown her way and she had become a blessing to her generation. When she died, the works of her hands spoke for her, as written in Proverbs 31:31. Dorcas was an agent of change. She did her job so successfully that at her death the people wanted her restored back to life. For Dorcas, it was a lifestyle and she made the best of her situation. That is what God is calling us to do. In Christianity, winning is a work of faith; it is a continual calling of those things that are not as though they were; it is believing and living until what we believe turns to reality in our lives. When you scale a hurdle as a child of God, the grace to take others over that same hurdle is released into your life; but do we have enough discipline to help us over these hurdles and still believe and profess that we love God? More importantly, do our hurdles and the ways we try to surmount them speak for our lives as children of God? Remember that all of creation eagerly awaits the manifestation of the (true) sons of God. Are you a true son of God, or is there something that takes away from that status in your life? We can’t become effective agents of change until we are changed ourselves. Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

Effective change does not depend on external circumstances. It begins on the inside. The peace that you exhibit even in the time of trials is a manifestation that you are a winner, and it is something that can attract others into the kingdom and ultimately bring about a positive change in them, just like the love you show. There is no better way of effectively bringing about change than in our lifestyles. Again let us pause and considerare we truly agents of change? To be effective agents of change, we must have consistency and stability. These were the key traits that the young prophet lacked, but they were also the major character traits that I saw in the life of Dorcas. Let us live up to the responsibility that God has put on us. Let us work on ourselves in order to daily live up to our billing as effective agents of change, bringing alive Isaiah 61. 15


IMPRESSIONS

?

Who are

You? By Kemi Oyelude

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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


IMPRESSIONS

W

hat impresses you about people? What impression of you do people have?

Come to think of it, you never have a second chance to make a first impression. Someone once said, ‘You can fool all the people some of the time but you cannot fool all the people, all the time.’ True talk! I also share the same point of view. This is not because you are not nice or pleasant; but of a truth, some people have made themselves ‘critics’ (spiritual referees) – being overly critical of everyone else. This reminds me of Nathaniel, who asked Philip, ‘Can anything good come out of Nazareth?’(John 1:46). It is always good to have an open mind, to be nice to people as much as possible and ‘to let your light so shine, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven’ (Mt.5:16). Did I hear you ask, ‘What if they do not appreciate my efforts?’ Well, that’s their concern! My dear, don’t worry your pretty head about that. Just ensure that, as much as you can, you ‘follow peace with all men (and women)’. Ha! Ha! Really, is it not interesting that even Jesus once asked His disciples, ‘Who do men say that I am?’ After hearing their different samples of public opinion, He asked, ‘Who do you say that I am? This tells me that it is possible to be with or even live with some people and not know them in the real sense of the word. You cannot tell who they really are. How come? Or rather, why? I guess Jer.17:9 best explains it. Indeed, the heart is deceitful above all things and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it (perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind)? I believe only ‘Sir G’, i.e. Baba God, can. So, my lady, who are you? Are you a ‘good thing’ that a man can find and obtain favor from God? Sad to say that it’s in the church we have Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

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IMPRESSIONS

So, my lady, who are you? Are you a ‘good thing’ that a man can find and obtain favor from God?

‘Forward ever – backward never’, etc. When the tout noticed this intending passenger hesitated in boarding a particular bus, he (the tout) told him, ‘Oga, leave wetin dem write for body of motor, make you enter motor. No be everytime ‘I shall return’ dey return.’ Ha! Ha! Funny, but true. I sign off with this last line: If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. Therefore, always stay true and let people know who you are and what you stand for, Ok? God bless. HEM HO LOVE T & THOSE W FOR WOMEN

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the most pretenders. Everyone puts on a pious mien. Rather, we should ‘… let our lives lovingly express truth (in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly). Enfolded in love, let us grow up in everyway and in all things unto Him Who is the Head, (even) Christ the Messiah…’ Eph.4:15 (Amplified). This reminds me of a tout who tried to persuade an intending traveler at the park. You know, commuter buses have various slogans inscribed on them e.g. ‘God’s time is the best’, ‘I shall return’,

SEAS

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Lady Leading God’s pe Esisi Temituokwith a Mission Tailoring Season In Due Failure Meat avoid Crop How to Sister? Power Sista -law, My My Mother-in be joking! You must

God’s Leading Lady Temituokpe Esisi Tailoring with a Mission Meat In Due How to avoid Season Crop Failure Sista Power My Mother-in-la w, My Sister? You must be joking! s + Regular Spring er Homemak Parenting Me 2 U ISSUE N500,

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God’s Leading Lady

Tailoring with a mission

F

Interview conducted by Bidemi Mark-Mordi & Ngozi Oji

rom the warmth in her voice when we spoke on the phone, to the very accommodating and exuberant manner in which she received us, it’s clear that God’s Leading Lady this edition is an absolute delight to be with and speak to. She just got back from a major milestone event in her life and she attributes it to God. Meet TEMITUOKPE ESISI, an inspiration and a testimony that God is able to lift a woman from the dung hill and set her upon a high place. Enjoy! MEET ME I am Temituokpe Esisi, the fourth of five children and I am a lawyer by training but a tailor by calling. I like the terminology tailor because to tell you the truth, before this time that was all that I was, a tailor. I trained as a lawyer from the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile Ife and I graduated with honours and awards in my set. I went on to Law School after which I tried my hands at practising the law profession which I did for about nine (9) months. I was good at the law profession and I am still told today that I have what 20

it takes to make a fine and successful lawyer. However, I had no passion for the profession. At the end of the ninth month I knew that the law practise was not meant for me. However, I remember that as far back as when I was twelve years old, I had told my mother that I wanted to study fashion design and cosmetology. Of course I didn’t, because at the time, there were no schools that offered those courses at the level of education my parents would like for me. So, I opted for law instead. It therefore meant that by the time I left practising law, everyone at home knew that I was going to go into tailoring, but the problem was that I had no formal training in the business. I was determined so I got myself a tutor who home schooled me for two months and from there I studied and did researches on my own. Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


God’s Leading Lady

Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

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God’s Leading Lady MY FAITH I became a born again Christian at a very tender age. Both my parents were Christians and church leaders so, we were all brought up in the way of the Lord from an early age. You can pretty well say that I had a great foundation. However, I had the tendency to question everything. At the time I was able to find things out for myself, I decided that if I will continue to live in this faith, then I needed to know for myself what it was all about. This helped my rapid growth in the Christian faith. There is also the fact that my father was an extremely

practical Christian. For instance, he used every opportunity available to teach us the word of God, so for a very long time we were all made to recite and memorise 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 every day. He made us substitute the word ‘love’ in the scripture with our names ,so for me it would read something like this: ``Tuokpe suffereth long, Tuopke is kind, she envieth not, vauntheth not herself, is not puffed up…” Very early, I knew how to use the word as a mirror to determine if my actions were in line with God’s word or not. My walk with God has been very in22

timate and personal. Some of the things that are beginning to unfold now He told me a while ago, and that is who I am. Please, I am not claiming that I know God as I will be the first to tell you that it is almost impossible to know God in full, because He is so far above us all, and His ways are so different from ours. In all of these though, there is one thing that I am very sure of and that is the fact that God always does right by his children. The word that my parents put in us as we grew up, worked within the shelter of our home, and as I got out and had to deal with other people I found out that I needed to be adaptable and open to adjustments. This didn’t mean that I was open to compromises, just that it taught me that rigidity wasn’t in any way a virtue. MY BUSINESS Like I said earlier, I am still a tailor nothing gives me more joy than to be able to create something from scratch to finished product. It gives me immense joy. When I just started, it was about doing something with my hands, because I knew that was what I had a passion for. I can do other things like hair and home accessories but I knew that I had to do something that others could help with, if my business was going to grow. When I started in August of 2005, it was with one tailor in my sister’s basement but with the help of God we have grown to a group of seven tailors not counting me. I insisted on learning pattern making instead of freestyle cutting because of my perfectionist streak. Now I was doing what I had always wanted to do, but I can’t say that it was Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


God’s Leading Lady paying me anything. What this meant was that I was doing business, but I wasn’t making any money. Here is when my family (a great one) helped because they always made sure that they gave me room not only to express myself but also helped out when I needed them to be there for me, without hesitation, and for that I am grateful. Since the business wasn’t doing well, I got to the point where I needed to carry out a self audit, with the goal of deciding if I should continue with the business or get a job but as a child of God I needed to take it to God first in prayer, so that I will not make the wrong decision. Actually, I had prepared a new C.V. and done a list of all the likely places I would like to work, this was about a year ago. However, I received the most unusual answer as God asked me to remain in the business for He was going to do something new. At the time, I made Him a list of all the benefits that I hoped to enjoy when I got the jobs I targeted and I wanted to know if He was sure that this tailoring would provide such perks like all expenses paid trips abroad and an international network . He came back to me with something like, `wait and see Me surprise you’, and boy, did He surprise me? Today, everything that I had on that list has practically come to pass - already

done three of such trips in the last six months and He is still doing more. SCHOLARSHIP AND AWARD In April of 2008, Goldman Sachs, of the Investment Bank advertised for applications for a scholarship from business women who needed business education but couldn’t afford It at the Entrepreneurial Development Service of the Pan African University. That was where the change that God had in mind for me started. I applied, not because I thought it would go anywhere, to be candid, but because God had said to me not to fold up the business and I needed to do one last thing at least. To my surprise, my application was successful and we were called for an interview with a panel. To show my expertise, I made a dress specifically for the interview. As the time was short, I found out too late that there was a minor problem with the dress so I had to improvise to cover up the default. Like I heard later, that was the very thing that convinced the panel I was unique. I heard that one member of the panel was very intrigued with this detail that she concluded that I wasn’t just an ordinary tailor. And from that point the story of my life and business changed. I did not only get the chance to attend the Enterprise Development Services of the PanAfrican University, all paid for, I have

To my surprise, my application was successful and we were called for an interview with a panel.

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God’s Leading Lady also had the opportunity to travel like I wanted to. This whole thing has taken me from the back streets to the high places in a manner of speaking, which all climaxed in me receiving the Vital Voices Global Partnership/10,000 Women Entrepreneurial Achievement Award at the Kennedy Centre in Washington D.C on the 19th of March, 2009. Vital Voices Global Partnership is a leading non-governmental organization (NGO) that identifies, trains and empowers emerging women as leaders and social entrepreneurs around the globe,

enabling them create a better world for us all. This body believes that if women are empowered, they will in turn go on and change the world. It has as members women like the United States Secretary of State- Hilary Rodham Clinton, Dr Ngozi Okonjo Iweala- Managing Director of the World Bank, to mention a few. PREPARATION From my life’s journey, I have come to appreciate that for everything that we have been destined to achieve there

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is usually a need for preparation. How did God prepare me? you may ask. I will say for instance through my tenacity and boldness, the courage to launch out and all the things that my parents instilled in me like a love for God, the importance of hard work and never saying it cannot be done. I want to use this opportunity to say to us, especially parents, to allow our children to dream and encourage them to live their dreams. I might have been just a tailor, I mean, I left the practice of the law for tailoring, but I know today that had I stayed with the law, you will probably not be interviewing me today. God uses every experience we go through to prepare us for our calling and I pray that we will submit to this preparation in Jesus name TIMING With the journey of my life so far, I am definitely one of those who believe that while we prepare and plan for our lives as best as we can, ultimately God is the one Who determines what happens and at what exact time. Because He is the script writer, He is able to tell what should come first or second especially as He knows how everything will end up eventually. For instance, I am not married yet, but He has told me categorically that I will be married and have children. So, while it is important to me that I get married, I am beginning to understand that God best decides the when and the how. Am I happy that I am still single? Maybe not ecstatic but I am not unhappy either. I mean, if I have lived this long and I haven’t been able to change that then it Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


God’s Leading Lady is not up to me to do so. Anyway I think that the assurance that He has given me, is more than enough reason for me to rest and wait for Him to work it out. The truth is that what makes a woman fulfilled is not the man she marries or doesn’t marry. Fulfilment comes from God. So, yes, I am fulfilled even though yet to be married and I am sure that one day I will get married. The timing is left in God’s hands. BEYOND THE AWARDS The whole reason why Vital Voices was set up was to bring about change. The body seeks to empower women who will go on to affect others so that the world will be a better place. After the Goldman Sachs scholarship, I hired a tutor for my tailors so that they will be taught how to read. We have also put together skill acquisition seminars that hold twice monthly, to bridge the gap between the skill they possess through the informal apprenticeships and 21st century skill requirements enhancement. A corporate organisation invested in me so it was important that I made efforts to see what my business can do for others from that point on. I am grateful that I got this opportunity and I’m eagerly looking out for opportunities to give back. I am at the stage of partnering with a few other people to speak to young girls all over, starting from Lagos, on the importance of pursuing their dreams. We will go around encouraging them that they can do whatever they set their hearts to do, as well as help hold their hands through the process as Goldman Sachs and Vital Voices Global partnership has done for me. Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

I see great possibilities in the future. What this whole experience has done for me, is lift my confidence level and give me a voice that others can and will listen to. I will go on to make the difference, by the grace of God, that it was intended to make. MY ADVICE TO YOUNG GIRLS I will say place a premium on yourself. There is no other person who can be you or succeed at being you. There is a value in you that even you may not know you have. There is a need to treat and present yourself, in line with the essence within you and not for how you look without. TO MARRIED WOMEN Always remember who you are in God. If you don’t know, then take time out to find out who you are in God, because when you do, it guides the choices you make and how you allow others treat you. I will also say that we should live every day like it is the last so that you do not take people for granted. Most importantly, I know that as women, we have a more important role in God’s agenda than we realize. So, let us go back to him, because in the end the things we will be judged by are those things that we do according to His plan for us. 25


VIEW POINT

Eat food! By Kalu Uko

all your

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John 4:34 he life of the believer is one full of responsibilities to God and humanity. Every believer, therefore, is equipped with resources to satisfy the obligations of service to both God and mankind. Jesus told His disciples, ‘My meat is to do the will of Him Who sent Me, and to finish it”. Now, why would Jesus liken the will of God to food? 26

Food nourishes. A child needs to eat in order to grow. The body develops fast and develops the capacity to do more. It also helps the body to fully utilize its organs properly. The disciples begged Jesus to eat earthly food. It wasn’t evil in itself, though. Jesus was saying that He had a responsibility that superceded any earthly concern. He had an assignment from God Almighty. That was His food. Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


VIEW POINT Food also satisfies. It however depends on how much of it is consumed. Every believer is faced with a choice to make between the affairs of this world and the things of God. Quite often, we find ourselves swallowed up in the former. We discover eventually that they are all noisy, vain pleasures that have no eternal benefit. As Christians, in what situation do we find ourselves? The world offers its tempting, luscious delicacies. The temptation to forget our obligation to our Father sometimes proves very strong. Yielding to delicacies of earth, however, places us on the same plane as others we are supposed to shine the light for. There is no difference between us and them. We become spiritually stunted. When we eat our Godassigned portion, not only do we stay relevant in the divine scheme of things, we expand our capacities to do more, because our strength will be on the increase. There is satisfaction on God’s part because our potentials are fully increased. It must be noted, however, that we are not to just eat the food; we are to finish it. Paul was able to say, ‘I have fought the good fight; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith”. He could now rest and wait for the reward. Beloved, our food is our divine calling to our generation. Where do you belong? What has God called you to do? Every man has a place in the divine scheme of things. Finds yours! It is only those who stay glued to their assignments to the very end that will receive divine commendation. What’s on the menu, then? Simple.

Humanity! Does this sound cannibalistic? In the chapter quoted above, Jesus spoke of the fields being white enough for the harvest. Jesus said in Matthew 9:37-38 that we should pray God to send forth labourers into the harvest field. The ‘harvest’ refers to mankind. God has invested too much in mankind to let them troop down into hell in vast numbers. Doing the will of God is something that must stir up joy in us (Nehemiah 8:10). Food brings happiness as well as satisfaction. It is also a reward. How, do you ask? What better reward could we have than being co- labourers with Christ? No parent gives a child food just for

“Earthly food empowers us for earthly work; the Word empowers us to dynamically affect your world and mine.”

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the sake of it, and neither does our heavenly Father. Just as our earthly parents expect all-round growth and progress as a result of feeding us, God expects us to grow in grace and knowledge, and that can only be achieved by obedience. The Word of God we have at our disposal is not just a personal, ‘feel-good tonic’; it validates our claim of Jesus Christ’s lordship to the world. Earthly food empowers us for earthly work; the Word empowers us to dynamically affect your world and mine. Total obedience to it makes us indispensable in our time. There is no acceptable alternative if we are to touch lives. To your plates, O Israel!

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WOMEN OF THE BIBLE

TAMAR: When life deals you a heavy blow…

GENESIS 38:1-30, MATTHEW 1:3

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he last time we talked about Tamar, (King David’s daughter who was raped by her brother) who lost hope forever. In this edition, we want to bring to our notice another Tamar, to whom life dealt a blow as hard as the one it dealt the first Tamar but rather than give up and curl up to die, she got creative. Everyday, life gives us surprises. Some of us get more than others and we wonder what our reactions should become. Tamar became a widow at a young age by no fault of hers. Tradition demanded that her brother-in-law take her as his wife so she will bring forth children, at least not to make her life a total waste, but her brother-in-law was just as bad as her husband and so God had him killed too. Yet Tamar still had hope, she knew that she had one brother-in-law left and at least with him her life will not be in vain. What she didn’t bargain for was the fact that her father-in- law, Judah, had no plans to let her near his last surviving son, and I have often wondered why? Since the Bible was clear that God was responsible for the deaths of the other two sons, I am wondering that maybe, Judah knew that all his sons were evil in their hearts and therefore knew that it was possible 28

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WOMEN OF THE BIBLE that God wasn’t going to spare Shelah his last son. Or maybe, as some parts of our culture think, he felt that Tamar had something to do with the deaths of his sons. Whatever his opinion, we know that he had no plans to let his last one sleep with Tamar. So Tamar was just there waiting though really, there was nothing to wait for. How many of us are like Tamar? Maybe not her exact situation, but we may have slaved away in relationships for so long only for the guys to decide that we were no longer good enough. Rather than tell us outright what they have decided, they string us along and we find out only at the last minute. Then, we think, did we deserve this? No, you didn’t but it has happened, So, what are you going to do about it? Tamar’s case wasn’t really about what happened to her, it was more about how she reacted to what life had sent her way. Maybe your case isn’t about the man who has taken you for granted but about your in-laws who have decided to take over everything that your husband worked for, just because you are not from the same place with them. If that is your situation, what will your reaction be? Or maybe your husband decided to marry another wife just because he got promoted and didn’t think that your level of education can handle his new status. Or did you always get passed up for promotion because of your gender or because you will not succumb to your boss’ sexual advances? Whatever the case, like Tamar, you are in a place you didn’t think you will ever find yourself. What are you going to do about it? What did Tamar do? She got creative! Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

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WOMEN OF THE BIBLE A lot of us will not agree with the details of how she went about it, and I think I will not consider that option either, but never forget that in her day it wasn’t a taboo. What excites me about Tamar is that she decided that life may have handed her lemons but she could make lemonade with them, and she did. Guess who came calling at her booth…PEREZ, one of the fore fathers of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Yes, He came out of that stock. Another thing that I must never forget about the story of Tamar is the fact that God is no respecter of persons. It does not matter who we are, as long as we are willing to get our hands dirty and do what needs to be done, there is always room for us upstairs.

fruit of the Holy Spirit. When we are patient, we tend to think more clearly and see what others cannot see. For every adversity there is always an opportunity, what distinguishes the man who will take the bull by the horns from the others is his ability to see what others are not looking at. If Judah had looked closely enough, he would have recognized the prostitute as his daughter-in-law, but he didn’t. Which brings me to the question-how did Tamar know this plan would work and where to find Judah? I think that kind of information comes from the ability to be both observant and discerning. I am sure that it was all based on Judah’s lifestyle that she had observed while living in the same house with him.

“For every adversity there is always an opportunity, what distinguishes the man who will take the bull by the horns...” Tamar looked at her situation and remembered that there had been another Tamar, who life dealt a blow but remained down where she fell and never got up again. And she purposed in her heart that her story would be different. She put on her thinking cap and the saying- where there is a will, there is a way came true for her. Sister, sister, where there is a will there is a way! As long as we are determined and do not allow what others have said or decided about us limit us, we will find a way out of the mess that we are in. If we look at Tamar again, you will find that she was an extremely patient person and if you remember, patience is a 30

After all is said and done, it is he who endures to the end that shall be saved. We must begin to look for creative ways to fulfill our purposes despite and inspite of our circumstances. No man who became anything worthwhile was ever handed the opportunity on a platter of gold. So, get up from the dust and ask yourself, ‘what can I do with the change that has come upon me?’ Life is not fair, and that is not going to change today. So, when life deals you a blow, like Tamar, put on your thinking hat and get creative…of course within the confines of God’s word. See you next time. Shalom!

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My Destiny Child

I’m grateful Today,

By Lily Olubi

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ust the other day, my period came and I was quite distraught because it was six days late, just when I thought – Possibly my baby’s here! I felt so bad and I began to talk to Him, saying, ‘Lord, you know I hate this! It should have come when it was meant to and by now I would have been long over it and moving on with life. The torture of anticipation, expectation and hidden excitement is exactly what I would love to do without.’ And then I began asking him the questions: ‘Why did it have to come? Couldn’t you have just surprised me this time around?’ I ended up feeling pretty low; wallowing in self pity, I grabbed the dailies – anything to distract me. A flood had wiped out cities, destroying lives; a baby was born without limbs, several obituaries with a few young faces, a missing person, and more devastating news. My sadness grew but it was a different kind. A sudden realization hit home that at every time I get sad that my period has come again, someone somewhere at the same time is losing a loved one, getting news of a bad ailment, searching for the next meal and dreaming and wishing they had the kind of life I have. But we often don’t see that side of things. We only see the world we choose to- the one where what we hope for is happening to someone else. My perspective has changed a bit. Now, when my period comes, I feel a little low sometimes but not for long as I remember it could have been worse, so I am grateful. Grateful that I have the life I have...Hannah always got a double portion of what was given everyone from her husband even when she had no children; she got bigger shares of offerings to give to God; she got attention, even nice words and a warmer smile than everyone else in her household. I think to myself what the double portions are in my life and I don’t have to think long and hard because I certainly do have them - a most supportive family, for instance, the sweetest in-laws and that smile that says it’s okay. Let’s give hope another chance with its soft words, “God’s time is the best”. For some it’s in the job; for some, in a great state of health; and for some, in the most beautiful friends. Just like Hannah, I know I have a double portion too and I choose to embrace it. I am indeed grateful.

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Each Time You Prayed… Dear mom, I listened to your prayer today And I thought to let you know… When you said, ‘God, please let her come’, I said, ‘Lord, please build her up’. When you said, ‘I’d train her in your way’, I said, ‘Lord, please train her in your word’. When you said, ‘I’d love her completely’, I said, ‘Lord, teach her to love the one that’s not hers’. As you cried yourself to sleep, I prayed your soul to keep. Please know that as you think of me, I think of you also. For as you desire a special child like me, So I desire a special mom like you. — Lily Olubi, 2005

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Spring

RE:

CROSS ROADS What choice do I have?

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By Nafan

iya! I know you have been anxious to hear what I decided to do with my dilemma the last time. You want to know if I married my suitor, the one who was willing to take me to the altar immediately I say yes and then convert to Christianity, well I won’t tell you yet what I decided to do, but I will let you read somebody’s mail to me on the issue after which I will go on and tell you how it was resolved. Dear Nafan, How are you and life generally, I hope your mind is clearer after the last time you wrote. I am writing in because you encouraged us to and it seemed like you needed to hear someone other than those close to you. I am not single actually, but I can identify with your plight and as I write I wish I had the opportunity to ask for help from the right circles like you do. I commend you though for the boldness and courage to make your business public, it takes guts and I am proud of you. Five years ago, I found myself in almost the same position as you find yourself today. The difference between us is the fact that at the time I was very young in the faith and my parents were not born again (thank God they are now). So unlike you, my parents didn’t see anything wrong with the guy who wanted to marry me. As far as they were concerned, he could take care of me and was willing to contribute towards the education of my younger ones. Since my father just retired from his civil service job, it was a plus for him. Another thing that may have worked against me was that I was in one of those churches that were so big that it could take an entire year to be able to get an appointment with the Pastor, so there was no pastor breathing down my throat to ask me for details. You may think I am excusing myself, from a bad decision but to

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Spring tell you the truth it is not what I am trying to do, just laying the facts bare to you. Really, I was also anxious to settle down and couldn’t therefore wait to show off to my friends the ring on my finger... if only I had known… So I went ahead and married Biodun, whom some of my friends even thought was a really good catch. He waited on me hand and foot for the first six months of our marriage, even accompanied me to church sometimes and it seemed for a while like I had made the right decision. We went on like that until our first child was born. We went through the naming ceremony and all the arguments for or against the Islamic rites. Everyday, from the seventh day, there was something to argue about, and before I realised what was happening, I stopped looking forward to his coming home each day. This time I had moved to a smaller congregation and it was easy to meet my Pastor who told me for the first time, that the marriage had started on the wrong footing but he kept encouraging me that God would touch my husband. And he did! Because on our third anniversary Biodun married a second wife and downhill we went since then. Nafan, my advice is this, I have lived that life you crave and I know that there is nothing in it. The money couldn’t take away the pain of the fact that I have to share my husband everyday with someone else. He chooses who catches his fancy to retire with for the night and all the other indignities that I have to suffer. To be fair, Biodun is not a bad person, it is just that we don’t agree on the basic principles upon which we can live, no wonder the Bible asks if two can walk together except they agree? I have made my peace with my mistake and I have not stopped praying that one day, my household will all come to know Christ. I also can’t help but wonder what will happen before then; will he marry a third wife? Is he going to insist that I follow him to the mosque? As he has stopped me from attending church services like I used to. These and many possibilities are running through my mind on a daily basis. My dear Nafan, given my experience, I will say hold on to your faith! Do not compromise for any reason because the pain cannot compare with the glory of being married. My prayer is that God will give you the grace to make the right decision. Remember, Proverbs 16:25, `there is a way that seemeth right to man, but the end thereof is destruction’. You will not be destroyed in Jesus name. God Bless You. Toyosi

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o folks, this was the deciding mail for me. I will not be getting married to my TDH but rest assured that I will be getting married because my Lord and Saviour has assured me this decision will not be in vain. Till next time, please do write in again, and I appreciate everyone who did. God bless you! – Nafan

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READING MATTERS

Bad Girls Series By Liz Curtis Higgs

SLIGHTLY BAD GIRLS OF THE BIBLE

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f you have ever felt that your past will make it impossible for God to use your present for great things then these three books will speak volumes to you. From one caught in adultery to the murderess. From the Help turned Mistress to the prostitute, from the impatient and curious woman to the scheming and manipulative one, from the barren to the despised. You will find a type of you in the Bible. With Liz’s use of contemporary storylines to tell stories that seem ancient in our minds, we will find 34

BAD GIRLS OF THE BIBLE

that God had us all in mind all along. He has loved us so much that not even our deliberate imperfections or our unconscious mistakes can keep Him away from coming to us and taking us to the place where He had originally purposed that we will get to. Liz so greatly weaves stories that tell us the always forgotten truth that no matter how crooked or out of sync our lives may be, God still has a plan and no matter what it takes, if we will let Him, He will bring us to our expected end. The Slightly Bad Girls: Liz’s stories Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


READING MATTERS

REALLY BAD GIRLS OF THE BIBLE

talk about Eve, the first woman to Rachel the preferred wife. All women who were picked by God to fulfill destiny but were as flawed as you and I today yet God found a place for them. In Bad Girls, the book also begins with Eve and ends with the woman caught in Adultery. As terrible as some of these personalities may seem, God still came down for them. In Really Bad Girls, Liz looks at women like The Medium of Endor all the way to the Woman with the issue of blood. Each of these women had things in their lives that just stuck out like sore Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

“…Bad Girls teach us that every one of us; good, bad and ugly has a purpose and God is always watching to bring those purposes to pass.” thumbs but not even those issues were able to keep the King of the Universe away from them. The Bad Girls Series talk about flawed women loved by a flawless God, and help us see that there is no sin too great that the blood of Jesus cannot wash clean, neither is there a mistake so grave that cannot be forgiven. All in all, Bad Girls teach us that every one of us; good, bad and ugly has a purpose and God is always watching to bring those purposes to pass. I personally discovered grace in a new way from these pages and it freed me to go be all I can be. If therefore, you ever feel like there is no way that God will have a use for you, then you need to read any of the books in this series and you will see how far from the truth you are. Liz Curtis Higgs does a very great job getting us to the place where we can accept grace just by reading these books. Find a copy and curl up to read, it will free you. 35


Dearest Papa, How are you in heaven? Fine I know but I had to ask. Today I am writing to ask you how you were able to give up your only begotten son to die on the cross for us all. I have pondered on this for a while and my Pastor has even tried to answer my questions to the best of his ability but I am thinking since you will reply my letters, maybe I should ask you straight. How did it feel watching your son nailed to the cross? Why death by hanging? Why nails, but most of all why didn’t you even wrap your arms round him as he struggled with the pain that he was feeling. The truth is that if my earthly father even so much as considered giving me to someone knowing that I they will be maltreating me, I will so protest, not to mention the fact that he knows that ultimately it will be costing me my life. I know that Jesus offered to go when you couldn’t find some one else to send, but did he really know the details and the nature of his death? If he knew and I believe he did, why didn’t you change the nature and give him something easier? Or couldn’t there have been an easier way? I know that the angels will spin when they see this letter but you have told me to tell you the way it is, so I guess I am just obeying you. But honestly, after it all do you know how many people are still going around refusing to acknowledge what you sent your son to accomplish? In the end is it even worth it? The other day I went somewhere and was trying to share the good news with some people, and what they said to me shook me to the core of my being, they said to me that it had been a while that they have been hearing that Jesus is coming back to take his own, and they told me that if in all these time he hasn’t come then they didn’t think he was ever going to come again. I tried to explain that it was a function of mercy that you were giving them the opportunity to repent and they just jeered at me. I got home and just felt absolutely sad, I pictured in my mind’s eye all that Jesus had to go through and knew that I just had to ask you if it was worth your while. Was the goal achieved? And if yes, by whose standard? I am too shocked to ask anymore but please I await your reply. By the way, thanks for paying my house rent that was a major life saver. Thank you father, and love to Jesus and the 24 elders. Your daughter Tara

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Dearest Taramide, It is always a pleasure to hear from you, any day, anytime. Your ability to be frank is appreciated. I am fine and you have not done badly yourself. Your letter came to me not as a shock at all because I know how many have had these same questions in their minds but have not been bold enough to ask me directly. I speak again the Spirit of Boldness, Courage and a Sound mind upon them right now. Before I go on to answer your questions, it is really amazing that you are no longer asking me for what you will eat or how to relate to others, You have really grown and I am definitely very proud of your progress. You are getting to the place where I can begin to send you to bring others in, destiny for you has just gotten closer you know! Now to your burning questions, you wanted to know how it felt to give up my only begotten son to die for the world. Have you heard the expression that when you lay it down you can pick it up again? I laid Jesus down so that I can gain more children and that is how you come to qualify to call me Papa right now. To tell you the truth, it was not anywhere near easy knowing even before it happened what men were going to do to him, but it would have broken my heart too much to watch you all perish. So was it easy? No, but will I do it again if there was ever a need to? Yes, it is all because of my love for mankind. Your next question was why he had to hang on a cross, and I do hope you can understand this answer. You see, when I created man in the beginning, he was not meant to die ever! But the devil used his power of deception and succeeded in getting man off track and bringing a curse of death upon his head. I had to do something and whatever I did had to be sufficient, so I gave up my son to become a curse so that the curse upon mankind will be broken. If you remember, `cursed is anyone that hangeth on a tree’, there was no way the power of the curse would have been broken had Jesus not gone on to become a curse. So you see, I was thinking about you. Why nails? Very interesting question, don’t you think? Well it had to be nails, to keep him there, to pierce through him so that the salvation through the blood and the washing by the water will be complete. But the nails were also used for another interesting reason; it was to demonstrate to you that in the day when you have to do your own crosswalk, the nails will hold you down. Every time you decide for me, is a declaration that you acknowledge the nails and are submitted to their power. You also wanted to know if Jesus knew the details and nature of his death before he agreed to come, and I am sure you know the answer to that particular question but I will answer it anyway, of course he knew; is it even thinkable that I will plan something without telling him? Obviously, I had plans for him, I gave him a name above every other name! Even though I know that for him it was a love walk, he loved the world just like I did and wanted to do something of lasting effect so he agreed to lay down his life. What is important in all of this is not the process, for once, it is about the end result, and that has earned him the title first born of many brethren. Tara, you asked me if it was worth it? Of course! Every time I see a man, woman or child that Satan had already conscripted for hell make it over to the side of light, I see how much it was worth it, every time I see someone on his way to destruction make a U-turn, I smile because I see the value of that one sacrifice. And yes, every time I see you take another step towards spiritual growth I am so grateful the sacrifice was made for you and others like you, so yes Tara it was so very worth it. As for those who say that Jesus is never coming back, tell them again I say he is going to come back, like a thief in the night. There shall be no warnings and notice. I am God and I cannot lie, surely Jesus is coming back and soon too. Finally, the only standard that will do is my standard, so yes by my standard everything is worth it. I look forward to seeing you at your next prayer time. I love you and no matter what men say, never forget that. Your Father, God

Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

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Home Maker

We are on the same side; You Know

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or the first eleven years of my married life, I basically fell under the classification of homemaker in designation. My job description was washing, cleaning, cooking and making sure every one was fine. Yes, I was just a housewife, what we call stay at home mom. I did have a stint or two with paid employment but the greater part of those years, I was just a housewife. It isn’t that there’s something wrong with being a housewife, it is just that a lot of people feel that being the housewife means that we don’t contribute to the running of the home. Because as far as most of them go, you can only claim to be making meaningful contributions if what you are giving had monetary 38

value. What this means is that, a lot of that time, even though I loved the fact that I was always there for my children and I was always there to make sure that everything worked at home, it still didn’t take away some of the pain that I felt especially when people asked me if I was not going to get a job. I always retorted that I already had a job and when they asked, ‘where?’ and I said, ‘at home’, they rolled their eyes and said something like, ‘okay, we know you are taking care of the children but just think what plans you and Mark can make if you brought in an income’. At other times I felt really terrible especially when there would be a family obligation that I ought to be able to take care of but couldn’t beEffectual Issue 4, Volume 2


Home Maker cause I wasn’t earning any pay. It used to make me feel like I was dreg of the society. Then came those times when all my friends would go shopping and all I could do was admire their spoils. I used to secretly ask myself and God, ‘when will I be able to splurge on myself like this?’ Another struggle was with those friends who worked and acted superior around you because they had money of their own to spend and then turned around and said to you that your staying home has not in anyway put your children at an advantage. As far as they were concerned, their children were doing just as well as mine in school. It became difficult to express the satisfaction of being a stay at home mom around them. Time has of course rolled by and things are different now. With the growth of Effectual, we had to get office space outside the home and some days I have to work longer than usual at the office, thereby getting home late and it has dawned on me that we were all on the same side all along. I mean the stay at home mom and the career mom. All we want is to make sure that our families get the best that we have to offer and nothing more. We all have challenges, only difference is that they manifest in different ways per person. So, I came to a conclusion… we can work together, can’t we? I mean, if we want our children to have a mom around who can pick them up at the drop of a hat, maybe those who have to work can liaise with those who can afford to stay at home. Thus, we can agree on a way to help each other out. In my mother’s time, the child was brought Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

up by the entire community. So, I cannot begin to tell you how many times it was an uncle or an aunt who disciplined me and not my parents. All I am saying is, can we trust each other enough to entrust our children to one another? Can we go back to those days when people could afford to be open and let others help them? What about being our sisters keepers via church affiliated care groups, where volunteer mums give of themselves as ministry. The truth is, whether we like it or not, we need each other. She who has to work needs the one bold enough to stay home. At the end, let it not be

She who has to work needs the one bold enough to stay home.…let it not be about the things we acquire, let it be about those we pass on. about the things we acquire, let it be about those we pass on. As I started to work outside home, I found out that some days I became very guilty that I saw less of the children, and that was when a sister came to the rescue. She oversees what happens at home with the children, while still coordinating her life, (you know yourself) I am grateful. That is how come I am writing to us all that these collaborations will work, but first, let us remember that we are on the same side. God bless and keep your home. Bidemi 39


VICTORIA'S SECRETS

TIPS FOR A MORE BEAUTIFUL YOU By Chinyere Ayo-Osibogun

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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


VICTORIA'S SECRETS BANANA PEEL TO THE RESCUE How much would it cost to buy some fingers of banana? N150.00 or N200.00? Buy some today and enjoy the benefits of a nutritional lift and a beauty treatment. After eating, use the inner part of the peel to rub across your face then, leave for 15 minutes to dry. You would experience a tautness of the face. Rinse with water and dry. A look in the mirror would reveal a smoother and finer face. LEMON FOR YOUR ELBOW Do you know that lemon can give your elbow a very fresh and presentable look? Just cut one lemon into four parts, rub one on each elbow and keep the rest in the fridge for further use, live on for about ten (10) minutes and wash off. Repeat the next day and the next, you will soon find out that the dark patch that used to be on your elbow has vanished. This gives you the confidence to put on short sleeved tops without fear. Try it! TOOTHPASTE AS SOOTHING BALM I read it somewhere and I thought it would not work, but was I proved wrong. Take your regular tooth paste apply it to a mosquito bite or to a swelling. Allow it to dry for about thirty (30) minutes and then, wash off. There would be a stinging effect at first but an eventual soothing relief from itching is your reward. Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

MANY USES OF PETROLEUM JELLY 1. To prevent nappy rash in children 2. To remove a tight ring stuck on the finger 3. to remove chewing from hair (rub un until gum slides off) 4. To prevent candle wax from sticking to candle stands (rub on candlestands before placing candle) 5. To remove make up 6. As a moisturizer (rub small amount into skin on wet face after washing. Rub in until it disappears into skin and is non oily). 7. To prevent shampoo from getting baby’s eyes. (rub above eyebrows so that shampoo runs down sides of eyes, not into them) 8. As balm for lips (especially in dry weather). Note: Plain petroleum jelly is recommended, as the perfumed variety may cause irritation to sensitive skin. 41


MEAT IN DUE SEASON

How to avoid

CROP FAILURE By Mark Mordi

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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


MEAT IN DUE SEASON Scripture: Mark 4:13-20, 24

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n these times of global financial crunch and economic melt downs, believers need to find out what is on God’s mind concerning our finances and how to avoid the pain that all this can cause us. Believers are circumstance and situation changers. Because Jesus is our Lord and Saviour and died on the cross for us, when defeat and adversity hit, all we need to do is apply the principles he has put in place to change our situation. The fact is that the Kingdom of God is operated by principles so that if we will take delivery of God’s promises for us we must know which principle to apply. In this discourse I will like us to take a look at the principles behind success and why the Word of God does not appear to be working, what to do in order to get the Word to work and how to avoid similar occurrences in future. But before we go on let us take a look at the basic truths about success. 1. God is the author of success. 2. The blessing is God’s pronouncement of success, enlargement, prosperity through Christ for mankind. (Genesis 12:1-3, Genesis 22:17, Deuteronomy 1:13) 3. The blessing reverses or counteracts the curse and every curse any person may appear to be under. 4. The blessing is hid in the Word of God, and the Word is the Person of Jesus Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

Christ. So in order to access the blessing you must have the Word of God Jesus firstly, in the context of a personal relationship and secondly, constant study of the written Word also known as “the logos”. 5. The Word of God is a seed which when planted in a man’s heart produces a harvest, that is, the truth in the Word of God is manifested. 6. Therefore, the blessing is a seed; a small form of the exact thing you desire, e.g. in preparing food, the raw ingredients are like seeds, the cooked meal is the expected result or harvest. 7. Meditation is a vital key for the Word of God to bring forth it’s fruit; it produces a picture, an insight or foresight to he who is meditating as to what God is saying about the future He has prepared for you. Crop failure may therefore be defined as when the Word of God appears not to be bringing forth the harvest that is expected. The principal reason for Crop Failure is the fact that satan steals the Word of God from us. He knows that the blessing is hidden in the Word of God, so he steals it or denies it growth in our subconscious in order to destroy the fruit the Word would otherwise bring. Satan knows and understands that the Word contains the blessing and therefore his tactic every time is to make sure that the Word of God we have heard does not take root in us. HOW DOES HE STEAL IT a. He steals the Word from us by impairing our faculties from receiving absorbing or understanding the word or alternatively distracts us from hearing the Word; the Word gets spoken to us 43


MEAT IN DUE SEASON and over us, or even read by us yet its entrance doesn’t give any light or revelation because we are distracted and not concentrating while we were being spoken to, or while we read. b. By beclouding our understanding so that even though we hear the Word, receive it positively, and affirm it as being true initially; the enemy resists the manifestation of the Word or makes the application onerous so that the individual begins to doubt the truth of the Word and begins to get offended by the Word. When we lack understanding, and we try to work in it, we get offended because putting to practice without understand-

c. The cares of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches, the lusts of other things. All these are the ways by which the enemy uproots the Word from settling in our heart or subconscious. Note that the person may have received revelation [a picture of the future as promised by the Word of God] and even bought into the principle but loses everything because it was not a priority in his heart. What all these cares do is remove the individual’s focus from the truth of the Word that he has heard and thereby making sure that application [doing what needs to be done for example watering the seed of the word with prayer, positive confession, maintaining hope, love for God integrity

“…the kingdom of God is like a farm…everything begins in the place of a seed, and the seed is usually the Word…” ing is difficult and this offence makes us stop that which we have received to do. Mark 4: 16-17. The truth is, because the Word has not been fully formed in the person’s heart; a picture of the preferred future that is meant to form in the heart through meditation doesn’t happen, and that is why there is a lack of conviction and lack of perseverance which leads to the individual being offended and giving up on practicing the word he has received “ I have paid tithes and offerings and I have seen no returns therefore I will do it no longer“ ; leading up to offence I spoke of earlier.

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holiness] doesn’t follow and thus no harvest becomes the result. WHAT TO DO Be vigilant. By realising the worth of your relationship with Jesus and therefore not allowing anything to tamper with the flow that you have with him.

1

2

Stay focused in the Word: Eph. 3:17 – that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith. As soon as we enter a relationship with Jesus, we are inextricably intertwined with Jesus He who reconciles us and links us to the blessing of God; Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


MEAT IN DUE SEASON therefore to ignore Jesus despite this proximity is to deny ourselves the harvest we seek and cut ourselves off from our source. When we are focused properly on the person of Jesus then it becomes impossible to have Crop Failure because he will on a regular basis reveal to you the process to take delivery and this will ensure a harvest and victory every time.

3

Meditation is a vital tool in order to avoid crop failure, without it the Word just gets heard but not planted in our hearts or our subconscious; the Word gets heard but the future its projects does not get seen; meditation helps us see what the Word of God is saying in our heart. The heart of man—his subconscious or inner man is the true arena for creativity, productivity and wealth creation the place. Without this the Word is not down loaded to us and if that happens the Word will produce no fruit as the truth it bears has not been grasped by the hearer.

4

When you are focused on the Word and you have a clear understanding of what it says and the future it promises you, then it is time to make a demand on that Word ceaselessly (irrespective of the circumstances around you that will undoubtedly suggest to you that the Word is not working) until you take delivery of the promise. This is because God expects us to come back to him with the Word we have heard and declare our faith in it, till we see the manifestation. Finally, the kingdom of God is like a farm and therefore everything begins in the place of a seed, and the seed is usually the Word we have heard which creates

Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

“…the economy of this world is not the economy that the children of God operate,… we just live here, we are not from here…” a dream a picture of the future, which we believe and make a demand on, until it does come to pass. The Economy may be melting down right now but for the children of God, it is different. In Genesis 26, there was another melt down, but in that same year, God spoke a Word to Isaac, that he should remain where he was and in that same land he reaped a hundred fold. Friends, the economy of this world is not the economy that the children of God operate, we may go to the same markets and spend the same currencies but as simplistic as this may seem to some, we just live here, we are not from here. The person who is our source, owns a thousand cattle on a thousand hills. He owns the silver and the gold, the earth and the fullness and all that dwell therein. Arise and shine for even in this same land as men say there is a casting down, you shall begin to rejoice because there is a lifting up for you. May the Word of God, your crop, bring forth fruit for you a hundred fold and God bless you till next time in Jesus name. 45


dressing up

Ankara Rules! An all ocassion wear

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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


dressing up

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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


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Song Pick

I will love you I called the Lord In my distress Darkness all around The cords of death and godliness had left me Trapped and bound When the sound of my feeble cry Finally reached his throne of life He flew down from Heaven On the wings of a wind And I found refuge in him

SONG TITLE I will love you ALBUM Come walk with me ARTIST Oleta Adams

Chorus: I will love you Christ my Saviour I will ever sing your praise He is my rock, my strength And fortress, Till I see you face to face The Lord has kept all his promises To be my strength and shield Light my path And trains my hands For war, on life’s battle fields By and by, trouble comes All I have to do is call He promises to be a shield For all who put their trust in him Chorus (2ce) Walk on the streets of Zion Where trouble will be there no more Where the lamb will lay with the lion And there will be peace, like never before No pain and sorrow He’s gonna wipe every tear from our eyes And the last will be first And everybody that thirsts Is gonna drink from the waters of life When I see you face to face

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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


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go explore

Dubai D ubai! One of the World’s most fascinating tourist destinations and one of the seven emirates that make up the United Arab Emirates. It is rather like an independent city-state and is the most modern and progressive emirate in the UAE. Its got buildings and structures that are classified as some of the World’s wonders. Truly fascinating!! I recommend Dubai any day for a get away (honeymoon, family holiday, educational tours etc) and Business of course.The city of Dubai is situated on a coastal strip bordered by desert and gets very hot. It is dry on the hottest days and humid

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during the cooler days in the summer. Cooler, more pleasant weather lasts from the end of September to beginning of May (although note that pleasant is relative, with daily temperatures from October to January and March to May still being in the lower twenties (68-77°F), but be prepared for cold night temperatures. In winter the temperature at night is usually from 10-16°C (50-60°F)). From May to September, the sun is

intense and temperatures can touch 45°C in the city and even higher in the desert. The heat coupled with humidity of 60-70% near the coast effectively precludes most activity outdoors for the daylight hours during summer. Dubai is practically synonymous with shopping. There is so much cargo being freighted due to their low tariffs and this ensures that things are available at fairly competitive rates. Even in the Shopping malls, Dubai shops suffer from the standard developing world shopping phenomenon of having no stocks in reserve. A simple quesEffectual Issue 4, Volume 2


go explore tion of "what's the best price?" will often result in a shop-keeper going to astonishing lengths to sell his stock. Here are a few malls (Mega Malls)  Mercato  Town Centre Jumeirah

 Mall of the Emirates  Deira City Centre  Wafi Mall  Gold & Diamond Park  Dubai Outlet Mall TIP: Several malls have a large Carrefour, or similar, hypermarket where you’ll find the lowest cost electronics, and groceries for self-catering. A Carrefour is also located near the Shindagha waterfront in Bur Dubai. An astoundingly safe city, Dubai is all but free of crime, and there has been no reported terrorist activity. Police are armed and can often be seen patrolling the roads Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

in well-marked cars, but spend the majority of time dealing with traffic offenses. The police headquarters (941 4 269 4848) is based opposite Al Mullah Plaza in Deira. In case of an emergency, dial 999 for police, 998 for ambulance or 997 for the fire brigade The United Arab Emirates are often called a “land of great contrast.” There is certainly some

truth to that, beginning with the social contrasts between the local Emirati and the rest of the diverse population. Defined by beaches, deserts and mountains, and inundated with camel races and Bedouin markets all crowded into one area, the adage does ring true. Dubai has a lot of attractions and places of interest both for old, young and young at heart. And first I must say do you believe that a hot arid desert can have snow? Snow can be found in Dubai. Ski Dubai is the first indoor ski resort in the Middle East and offers an amazing snow setting to enjoy skiing, snowboarding and tobogganing or just playing in the snow. Young or old, there is something for everyone, from the beginner to the snow sport enthusiast. 55


go explore Ski Dubai is a unique mountain-themed attraction that offers you the opportunity to enjoy real snow in Dubai all year round. Ski Dubai is the Emirates' latest extravaganza Aquaventure Dubai is set on 2,300 feet of beachfront, so there’s plenty of opportunity for those who wish to lazily enjoy the seas of the Arabian Gulf. Decks and platforms are found between the thrilling rides,

slides, and waterscapes that make up the adventure playground of this water park in Dubai. With nearly five million gallons of fresh water, there is something for everyone at Aquaventure Dubai. Within Aquaventure at Atlantis Dubai is Dolphin Bay, where you can swim and snorkel with a pod of dolphins in an intimate setting with no more than ten people—or 56

Wild Wadi Waterpark is a place for all ages to have fun in Dubai. Splashing away an afternoon, especially in the hot summer months, is one of the most popular things to do in Dubai. It’s adjacent to the Jumeirah Beach Hotel and features a large number of waterbased rides, shops and dining lounge on the beach and watch these intelligent creatures frolic in the surf. Gold Souk in Dubai is one of the best things to do in UAE. The souk is an area that is full of shops selling diamonds and gold. All around the Gold Souk there are a host of mini malls and shops to explore. Bargaining is accepted so don’t be afraid to try for the best deal. Not a mall, but a historic

market that has been a part of Dubai since the origin of Dubai itself. Located at the mouth of the creek, it dazzles people by selling gold in large quantities and with little visible security. A must visit for shoppers and sightseers. Spice Souk is a historic market that has been a part of Dubai since the origin of Dubai itself. Located at the mouth of the creek, it is not far from the Gold Souk, but has sadly declined a bit in recent years as supermarkets take over the spice trade. If you’re actually shopping for spices, odds are you’ll get better prices and quality with much less hassle at Carrefour. Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


Our Services Festac Towers (Midas Computers) 1st Floor,


reflections

Glorify God in your infirmities By ChiChi Iromuanya

S

ometimes, we find ourselves in certain circumstances in life that make us weary, especially as Christians, because it is widely believed that we have every aspect of our lives perfect except the experience of Apostle Paul in 2nd Corinthians 12, verses 8-10, where he says: “For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. Verse 9 says, “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: For my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me”. Most specially, the promise of hope comes in verse 10 where it says, “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distress for

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Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong”. Our strength therefore lies in Christ’s glory! Trials will come and go, but we are made strong in Him, for His grace is sufficient for us. I know this because I am a living testimony of God’s goodness, grace and strength. When I think of how strong He has made me despite my weakness, I want to scream from the roof tops. This is my story: Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


reflections

I was born in Africa some forty years ago, at a time that any form of disability was misunderstood. Unfortunately, I was born with cerebral palsy. Everyone outside my family saw me as someone less than human. People expected me not to be heard or seen or have any personal opinions - the expectation in Africa. Also, the disabled were locked up and people patronized and pitied them wherever they went. In my case, there Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

was a difference. I was smart, beautiful, and had my opinions which I made no attempt to hide. Above all, I was adored and given the chance to be myself. At the age of seven, my mother took me to an Oral Roberts’ crusade and Pastor Roberts laid hands on me and prayed for me. He announced to millions of people at the crusade that I had been healed and they cheered and clapped for the Lord and I believed too that I had been healed. What 59


reflections happened in the days that followed changed my Christian faith forever. I got home and started doing catwalks all over the place. I was so relieved that my disability was a thing of the past, and that people would stop staring at me on the streets. At this time, that was all that mattered to me because most times I forgot I had a disability. I felt normal and whenever I looked at the mirror I avoided looking at my legs. Then one day I made my brother upset and he said, ‘Your legs are still broken’. I was devastated. I felt betrayed and wondered, ‘Did God lie? Did this man of God lie to me? Why did he claim I was healed when I was not?’ It took me close to 7 more years to understand what had happened that day. I was healed that day but the healing was not physical; it was spiritual. That day God gave me strength in my weakness and enabled me accomplish all that I set my mind to. God created us all perfect in His image, even though we are all different. He says that we are wonderfully and fearfully made; we are marvelous works of God’s hands, as Psalm 139: 14 says. So, if this is God’s intention in creating us - to be unique yet marvelous, who are you to tell Him that He created you wrongly? You have the power within you to claim that you are made perfect. In my case, when God gave me this revelation, I was blown

away. I utilized this strength and today when you see me the last thing that comes to your mind is disability; but like I say, I have been enabled by Christ so that His name will be glorified. The Lord has given me the ability to be several things: a lawyer, a business woman, an author, a poet, a mother of four wonderful boys and a wife to one of the best men you’ll ever meet. Isn’t our God wonderful? When I think of His goodness, all I can do is cry. Today, by His grace, I have put my disability under my feet and I walk tall and straight - in my mind, that is. Today, I live my life letting others know that it does not matter what you are going through–His grace is sufficient for us. My life also encourages both the disabled and those who think they do not have a disability but are living beneath their potentials, which is what I call disability of the mind. Whatever you think of yourself is what other people will perceive. I spent most of my younger years crying and blaming God instead of living the life that He has given me. What a waste of precious time! Sometimes I wonder how much more I would have accomplished if I had decided to accept God’s purpose for me earlier; but guess what..? His time is the best! Make a decision to take control of the life you have been given. The Lord will enable you. God bless you and be enabled.

I live my life letting others know that it does not matter what you are going through–His grace is sufficient for us.

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effectual Magazine & Encompassers International Invites you to

The Return

of the

Life

Theme:

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FoodPlus

TROPICAL FRUIT with CORIANDER SALAD SERVES 4 — Preparation time: 15 minutes, plus 30 minutes marinating

INGREDIENTS 1 Red onion, halved, thinly sliced and separated into half rings 1 Ripe but firm mango 2 kiwi fruit, peeled and thinly sliced crossways Âź cucumber, thinly sliced Chili and Coriander Dressing 1 fresh red chili, seeded and finely chopped 2 tbsp sunflower oil 2 tbsp lime juice 1 tbsp clear honey 2 tbsp chopped fresh coriander Salt and pepper 62

PREPARTION 1. Combine all the dressing ingredients in a screw-top jar, adding salt and pepper to taste. Shake well to blend 2. Put the onion in a shallow dish, pour over the dressing and leave to marinate for 30 minutes. 3. Halve the mango lengthways, cutting down round each side of the stone. Peel off the skin, then cut the flesh into small slices and place in a bowl. Add the kiwi and cucumber. 4. Tip the marinated onion into the bowl together with all the dressing and fold together gently. Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


FoodPlus

“Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.” — V oltaire SOME MORE IDEAS  If you are not fond of the taste of coriander, try using fresh mint instead.  Add 2 large ripe plums, cut into thing slices; and use 2 oranges instead of mango. Peel the oranges, removing all the white pith, then cut into segments between the membranes. Squeeze all the juice from the membranes and to the salad.

PLUS POINTS  Kiwi fruit are an excellent source of vitamin C – weight; for weight they contain more vitamin C than oranges, and one single kiwi fruit will provide almost 100% of the recommended daily amount of vitamin. Kiwi also provide some potassium (a good intake of which may help to reduce high blood cholesterol levels).  Weight – for weight chilies are also richer in vitamin C than citrus fruit, although to benefit from this you would have to eat more of them than you would probably want.

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sista power

My Mother-in-law, My Sister? You must be joking! By Ngozi Oji The aged women likewise that they be in behavior as becoming holiness, not false accusers… That they may teach the young women to be sober…to love their husbands, love their children, be discrete, chaste, keepers at home…(Titus 2:3-5)

A

ileen (not her real name) woke up that morning with mixed feelings. That day was her son’s birthday. For that, she was grateful to God and happy for the kid, who had spent the last four weeks counting down to his birthday, and at last the D-day was here. Aileen and her husband were quite prepared to make the day a joyful one for the kid. Gifts had been bought, and preparations had been made for a small family get-together and merriment. However, there was a little snag: Grandma was coming. The thought of her coming made her heart jump into her mouth. Her mother- in-law’s visit always had that effect on her and this was because she was

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sista power fond of throwing accusations at Aileen in front of her son (Aileen’s husband) and this always caused tension between the husband and wife. Aileen was sincerely hoping for a joyful celebration of her son’s birthday with the family, but she couldn’t help wondering how the day would go, given Grandma’s troublesome disposition. What would she accuse her of this time and how was she going to keep up a good front? Would she be able to compose herself and maintain peace? She wanted to put things in order so that when Mama arrived she would find nothing to complain about; at least that would give them a good start, she thought. Well, to her utmost surprise and discomfort, Mama arrived quite early, just as she was still tidying up and trying to set things in order. Gathering her composure and determined to make the best of the day, she gave Mama a warm welcome, asking after her health and all. From the look of things, it seemed all was going to be well after all; Mama was in a gay mood and happy; everyone else was happy. So what could possibly go wrong? Nothing, she thought. The birthday boy was in high spirits, He gathered all the gifts he had received so far to show Grandma, and there were quite a lot: gifts from Mummy and Daddy, sister, cousins and aunties. His joy knew no bounds as he jumped up and down excitedly. ‘Grandma, see all my gifts!’ he said, expecting Grandma to rejoice with him some more. Contrary to the boy’s expectations, Grandma suddenly changed (true to her character though), and started accusing Aileen of Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

being the reason why she (Mama) did not bring any gift for her grandson, her reason being that, if she had brought a gift, Aileen would not accept it. Aileen was dumbfounded because the accusation was unfounded and baseless, but Mama was poised for war at this time and without justifiable reason. She was ready to say more when her son (Aileen’s husband) quickly intervened, asking Mama to stop that accusation as it was unfounded and untrue. Now, whether it was because he believed his wife couldn’t have done a thing like Mama was insinuating or he just wanted peace to reign is a topic for another discussion, but whatever may have been his reason, he succeeded in saving the day.

T

he above story is a representation of the relationship between mothers-in-law and daughtersin-law in most cases. The actual incidents may differ one from another, but it is a known fact that mothers-inlaw and daughters-in-law are often at daggers drawn – some conflicts are mild, some are very pronounced, with each female trying to outdo the other, employing all kinds of strategies, sometimes with manipulations and deception, in order to have an upper hand in exerting some influence on the man and the home. The mother-in-law thinks, “I suffered to bring this boy up since he was a fragile, delicate baby; I nurtured and cared for him until he became who he is today, and you think you can just appear from nowhere and take over his life like that? You must be joking! As long as I’m alive, I will dictate how things are 65


sista power

The mother-in-law thinks, “I suffered to bring this boy up since he was a fragile, delicate baby; I nurtured and cared for him until he became who he is today, and you think you can just appear from nowhere and take over his life like that? You must be joking!”. done here because that’s the only way I can make sure that he will be okay, before you mismanage his life for me”. The wife/daughter-in-law, on the other hand, is saying, “No way, old woman; your time is up! I’m in charge now, so give it up. You raised your family without my interference; now it’s my turn to raise mine, so hands off! This is my home now.” And the war rages on. The one thing that brought them together becomes the same thing that tears them apart, leaving the man in a very difficult situation. This is a war that has gone on from generation to generation to the extent that young ladies who wish to get married are afraid of their would-be mothers-in-law and the trouble they perceive that the prospective mothers-in-law might cause in their homes when they do get married. So, they begin to wish that their would-be husbands become orphaned at the time they go to the altar. Is there really something that can be done to end this age-long duel? Is it possible for mothers-in-

law and daughters-in-law to live like sisters, as can be said in the case of Naomi and Ruth in the book of Ruth? I believe it is possible, for with God nothing shall be impossible to those that believe. Knowing the very nature of women and what could happen if they were to share the same man, God in His infinite wisdom prescribed one man to one wife, and He designed it such that a mother and her daughter-in-law do not have any clash of duties or responsibilities whatsoever. Women are care-givers by nature and when a woman gives birth to a child, it becomes her responsibility to care for and nurture that child from that tender

The wife/daughter-in-law, is saying, “No way, old woman; your time is up! I’m in charge now, so give it up. You raised your family without my interference; now it’s my turn to raise mine, so hands off! This is my home now.”

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sista power fragile stage when the child depends on her for absolutely everything- to feed, sit down, lie down, change diapers and clothing; and when they soil themselves, it is the mother’s duty to ensure they are clean again. She keeps them healthy as much as she can, and when they do fall sick, she cares and nurses back to health. When it’s time to walk, she guides and watches; when he is enrolled in school, she’s there coaching and making sure he catches on. A mother is there in a child’s life practically all through - helping, guiding and counselling in one way or the other. However, it is important to note

knowing that her responsibility is now to her daughter-in-law, not necessarily to her son; because, as instructed by God in the same part of Scripture, it is for the raising of the next generation and a duty unto God. The daughter-in-law on her own part should take into consideration the fact that she will someday grow to become a mother-in-law and emulate Ruth, in the book named after her, who, in spite of Naomi’s bitter personality, was accommodating and tolerant of her, showing her compassion in the course of the things she had suffered through the years. Women go through quite a lot of things they didn’t bargain for when they

…I believe that when we take our duties as mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law as a service to God and perform them as He would have us do, it becomes easier for us to actually live as sisters, helping one another. that as a child grows from one stage to the other, the roles a mother plays in the child’s life change, and her hold on the child reduces. Subsequently, as the child gets married and another generation is born, the baton changes hands, i.e., from the mother in this case to the daughter-in-law, to continue the nurturing and raising of the next generation. The mother-in-law now has a responsibility to pass on to her daughter-in-law the wealth of knowledge she has acquired over the past years and through all her life’s experiences. This she can do in a mild, gentle and loving manner as seen in Titus 2, without accusation, Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

got married; as a result, when they get to old age, it will take the grace of God for them not to be bitter and vindictive. My dear sisters, both old and young, I believe that when we take our duties as mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law as a service to God and perform them as He would have us do, it becomes easier for us to actually live as sisters, helping one another. If we forgive and forget the past, I believe we can make a success of it. So let’s give it another shot. Remember, Christ is coming very soon and these are some of the works that will earn us the ‘good and faithful’ commendation. Jesus loves You. Sisters always! 67


parenting

THEY’RE

SMARTER THAN YOU THINK By Ngozi Oji

The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb and the leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together, and a child shall lead them. — Isaiah 11:6

M

y partner and I teach Sunday school, we teach kids between the ages of nine to twelve. Of course, kids will be kids anytime so while some will be listening others will busy themselves either playing or pinching someone or better still carried away in some cartoon wonderland. So in order to ensure that each child goes home haven learnt something each Sunday, my partner and I split our duties, while one person is teaching the other

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parenting

keeps an eye on the kids, waking those who fall asleep, preventing the troublemakers from making trouble, capturing the absent minded and returning their attention to the teacher. My son happens to be in my class and he is usually very attentive and does his best to answer questions, whether it is because mummy is there he tries to impress, I do not know, but one thing I know is that in this Sunday school class he is up and doing both in listening and in answering questions and remembers all he is taught in class at the end of the day. However, on this particular day while keeping an eye on the children, I realised that my son was unusually distracted, he wasn’t making any noise or trouble alright, but I noticed this vacant look in his eyes, he was completely absent minded. Though he wasn’t the only distracted kid in class that day, but while I succeeded in

bringing back the attention of the other kids to the teacher, I wasn’t so successful with my son, the moment I get him to focus before I turn around there he was again with that vacant look, he just wouldn’t stay focused so after several attempt I gave up, concluding that he was as good as someone who didn’t come to church that day. When we got home, I asked him some questions in order to ascertain whether he at least got something out of all that was taught in class that day, to tell you the truth he had no idea, not even the memory verse which we always ensure that every child goes home with, to say that I was disappointed will be putting it mildly. Incidentally, that same day, it was his daddy who preached the sermon in the adult church and the adult church is very far from the children’s church, as a

We tend to underestimate the intelligence of our children by trying to keep them in what we think is their league,…

Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

matter of fact if you strain your ears from the children’s church, you could hear the sound coming out of their speakers. As I was dishing out lunch, my son waiting to carry his plate to the dinning and my husband was passing by, I casually asked him, “how was service?” and he replied “I thank God, well, we talked about…” my son took it over from there and preached the entire sermon just the way he had heard it from his father, I mean everything leaving nothing out including a Hebrew word which his daddy 69


parenting had used, the meaning of the word and how it applies to lives. I was both surprised and impressed, at least his going to church that day was not in vain after all, I did listen in on the sermon myself from time to time, but it happened that while I got bits and pieces of it, he stayed with the sermon from start to finish. The experience made me understand that often we tend to underestimate the intelligence of our children by trying to keep them in what we think is their league, I mean communication wise. Be it in the home where we tell them to hush and not get involved in our adult discussions or in church where we sepa-

learning from us, it is said that the words of the elders are words of wisdom, when engage them in everyday conversation it helps to enlarge their wisdom and broaden their mind giving them a level of intelligence that will be place them above their peers and be of tremendous benefit to them as they relate with others. There is also the benefit fostering a close relationship between parents and children, I remember growing up as the last born in my family with everybody all grown and much older than I was. Each time there was a discussion going on and I asked questions just to get to know, I was told to stop enjoying senior jokes and nobody ever told me anything. But

‌lets not forget that though we may be leading today, tomorrow belongs to them for a child shall lead them indeed. rate them and teach them the word of God in a very childish manner. Don’t get me wrong, am all for children’s church and believe me they do serve good purpose. But it may seem that in our attempt to make our discussion simple in a way they can understand it we make it so childish that a grown child will prefer to strain his ears to hear a more matured approach. I think this children are smarter than we think they are and when we continue to separate them from us and limit our communication and conversation with them to the things we think is within their league we not only limit, we short change them. We deny them of the benefit which they stand to gain by 70

my grandmother was different, she was always talking to me, as a matter of fact she used to tell me a lot of things about the family which happens to be a large one, all the way back to my grandfather who was late at the time. This our regular discussion always gave me an advantage over my older siblings in terms of knowing things. They were often surprised and disbelieving when I told them some of the things I knew back then until they confirm from my mum who will assure them that I was right. I knew some family secrets that they did not know as well as events around my village that took place long before we were born. You know those kinds of things you go and Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


parenting

inquire from the elders. Apart from the fact that it now made my older siblings to come to me to confirm certain issues which they believed I might know since grandma would have told me, it brought me very close to my grand-mum, and whenever I needed to talk to someone, I knew I could confide in her. It is a known fact that parents are their children’s first heroes especially daddies, it’s only when they fail that the children go seeking another. Now, judging from the way my boy strained his ears to capture every word daddy had to say, it is also in this way that they wait eagerly to hear from us about the issues of life, it does not matter what it is about, I believe they just would prefer to hear from us that anybody else, they just need to know, as a matter of fact they want to know how your day was at the end of the day and they are always itching to tell you their own day went if only they can get an ear. They are smarter than you think and have much more wisdom and ability to comprehend than we give them credit for. I believe that cordial and friendly relationship between an elderly father and his mature sometime married son will not be established except we start now to Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

build it up. If you are too busy for them now, tomorrow they will be too busy for you. When your relationship with your child is not built early, when that child grows up, he/she becomes impatient with the elderly parents. Making time to listen to you becomes an issue, they wonder why you always want to talk, why not go and play with your grandkids ‘can’t you see that I am busy?’, they ask. You know how it is, it’s your turn today tomorrow will be theirs. Isaiah 11:6 says, The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb and the leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together, and a child shall lead them. You’ll be surprised at the good counsel you can receive from them if you form the habit of a good conversation with them, they have enough wisdom that can be of much help to us today, but most importantly lets not forget that though we may be leading today, tomorrow belongs to them for a child shall lead them indeed. God bless you and keep you simple at heart. Please whatever you do remember, Christ is coming very soon be prepared to meet Him. Shalom.

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intel 4 life

The tragedy of

Sight without Insight

M

By Abiodun Fijabi

yles Munroe bemoaned the lack of vision in our world. He said the greatest tragedy of the human race is to have sight and not insight. It will be foolhardy to disagree with him. Our generation sees more than any other in history. The miracle of eye glasses and contact lenses has kept our eyes working even at old age. The trained ophthalmologists work hard to ensure we keep our sight and our faculty to see. We do this much for our physical eyes, which are desirable and good; but fail to do the same for our inner eyes with which we sight and create a beneficial future. For this sin, we are paying

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very dearly in our nation. At every level of the society and in every institution, lack of clear vision is easily noticeable. It is demonstrated by the lack of enthusiasm to work, the general lack of direction and the commitment to maintenance rather than to change. Clear vision inspires enthusiasm. We bring passion to a work whose end we know and the benefit of which we desire, especially when the vision meets real needs. Motivation comes naturally, driving away every form of complacency. Discipline is easy once there is a clear and beneficial end in sight. For a shared picture of a beneficial future, we will be willing to moderate our appetites, mobilize and focus our physical, mental and spiritual resources and endure any pain in the course of reaching the future. We cannot talk of extraordinary achievement without a vision. Such achievement that uplifts a community comes when people can see and identify with a desirable end that meets their real needs. With vision, work suddenly becomes meaningful. Energies are directed and focused towards the desired goals and faith arises that overcomes obstacles and challenges. Vision is a vital tool a leader uses to navigate the stormy weather of change. Edmund Haggai is of the opinion that leadership begins when a viEffectual Issue 4, Volume 2


intel 4 life sion emerges. We should not expect any leader to lead without a vision, same way a pilot is not expected to fly without a plan. Your life and that of any community you are involved in are doomed without a clear vision. More than a plan, a vision is a mental picture of the future the leader or the visionary seeks to create. It is the ability to see the end before we reach it. It is the faculty of sight trained to see far beyond the present. Vision is a vivid insight into the future. Ours is a world ruled by ideas. The world rises falls on the vision of its inhabitants. No nation develops beyond the visions of its people. When a society is threatened by the challenges it faces, the best place to look is usually the least explored. When a life has reached a brick wall, our prescriptions for change are usually wrong. When a business is down and almost out, we are forced to look for easy answers. Far too quickly, we reduce the solutions to the challenges in our marriages to ‘following a few steps to success’. Nations in turmoil so often look outside the shores of their lands to find help. In all these cases, we are content with looking for quick fixes. When, in pragmatic terms, what we need is to reawaken the visionary in us and provide an atmosphere for our visions to germinate and produce fruits. Without a clear vision, we embrace the status quo. We become slaves to maintaining traditions and customs and watch as others match on to a glorious future. We do not have two worlds and the only one we have is ruled by the men and women of vision. Because ideas rule the world; the visionaries are the kings. Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

The world belongs to the men and women who help us create a better future. Our today is a product of yesterday’s vision or lack of it. Today’s visionaries will determine the course of events in our world tomorrow. You do not need the stargazers to determine the future of your life, marriage, business or community. There is just one place to look: the vision that occupies your mind today. Your future is as good as the vision you have in your heart today. Lack of vision has grave consequences. The Bible says, without a vision the people perish. It is a calamity not to dream. A life without vision is a life in peril. Only vision guarantees survival – be it of a life, family, business or nation.

A life without vision is a life in peril Would you take a moment to reexamine your life and the contributions you are making to the society? Does your life show a clear vision? Can you say with confidence what you have been created for? And are you taking steps to reach that desirable end that you have pictured in your mind about yourself and your community? In other words, are you developing your insight – your ability to see beyond the now? If you have answered many of these questions in the negative, the time has come for you to take a hold of your future and that of your community by creating a mental image of a beneficial future for yourself and others. You can do it. Everyone can! 73


listening ear

In a failed marriage What should I do?

Dear Mommy T, I have been a Christian for many years and love God dearly. I am in a failed marriage relationship that has not benefited me in anyway - spiritually, emotionally, materially, financially or otherwise. Because I love the Lord, I know that divorce is not an option but it is like I am in a prison cell, whose keys have been thrown away. I am not able to worship God and come to the full potential of whom God has called me to be. What do I do? I do not want to end up like the subject of the article on Sista Power in the last edition. Please help me! - Ugo

“…take some time out and look for what made you enter the marriage in the first place and magnify it.” . It is not easy to be in a marriage where Dear Ugo, I am very sorry for your pain the Lord and that is where I think that you one is not fulfilled, I know that you love ought to get your fulfillment from. a ground for wanting out, but if that is Is your husband abusing you? That can be to do is find God’s purpose for you and pour not the case then I think what you need what you sow. So, if you are not getting yourself into it. In God’s kingdom, you reap isn’t getting it either. There is need for fulfillment then, most likely, your husband once told me that if you want love, then you both to sit down and talk. A wise man out and look for what made you enter the you need to sow love. So, take some time marriage in the first place and magnify it. k with your Pastor so that your As for financial fulfillment, you need to spea a I am firm believer in grace and so I will husband will be held accountable. Finally, . We will be praying along with you in suggest that you go to God and ask for grace Jesus name. - Mommy T

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listening ear

Should I remarry my ex-hubby? I don’t want to make a mistake

Dear Mommy T, I am a forty-five year old divorcee doing well on my job. Recently, I have been thrown together, via a new contract on my job with my ex-husband. Being in close contact, we have both realized that the spark that brought us together initially, is still there and we are considering a comeback. We were both young and not born again when we first met, got married and later got divorced. Now we are older, both born again and single. Do you think we should start courting and get back together, probably get married a second time? Please help, as I do not want to make the same mistake twice. - joke

Dear Joke, This seems like a fairy tale ending in the offing and I cannot help but say I am happy for you. It is great to know that you are both born-again now and that you have the opportunity of a second chance. I think that with the benefit of experience and the foundation that is now Jesus Christ, a come back will work. As you now have a relationship with God, then you need to trust that God will make this work. Submit the relationship and consequent marriage to his Lordship and make sure that you forgive each other for the wrongs done in the past. This is a good time and with the help of God you will both make it. Congratulations again! Mommy T

Please Help Me I am married and falling for another man

Dear Mommy T, My name is Carla. I met a young man many years ago whilst in Secondary School. We dated until we got into the University, something happened and we went our different ways. Thirty years on, fate has brought us together again. We both have families of our own but we are strongly and emotionally attached to each other. We have prayed and fasted over this issue and we are not any wiser. Should I move out of town so I can be as far away as possible from him? What do I tell my family? Please help, as we are thrust in each other’s path daily. - Carla Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

Dear Carla, You are playing with fire. What is wrong with your marriage? if this was so good, how come it was easy to walk away from it thirty years ago. What do you mean when you say you are thrust in each other’s path daily? Do you work in the same environment? It is time to ask for a transfer, if you do. This is adultery waiting to happen and the Bible says that we should flee every appearance of evil. There is nothing that can justify this inordinate affection. My suggestion is that you channel all that effort into loving your husband and making your marriage more fun.- Mommy T 75


PASTOR'S WIFE

T

he pastor is indeed an uncommon man. Why is this? you may ask. Is he not like other men? Really, in most cases, there may be nothing special about the average pastor physically. Very often, by the standards of the world, he’s not even qualified to lead people. However, the uniqueness of the pastor is the fact that he’s chosen/called by God and that’s enough.

SERVING AN UNCOMMON MAN By Pastor (Mrs) Esther Ben-Enoch

Like David, the pastor is God’s servant of whom God declared, ‘…My servant have I found and with my holy oil have I anointed him.’ (Psalm 89:20). Our pastor-husbands, though not decked in such awe-inspiring apparels like High priests in the Old Testament, do have the anointing that sets them apart. The relationship between the pastor and his wife is best described when compared with the relationship between the high priest and the Levites. In Num.3:6, the Levites were chosen for 3 main purposes: 1. To serve Aaron and attend to his personal needs. 2. To attend to the needs of the whole congregation of Israel. 3. To do the work of the tabernacle and attend to the furniture in the tabernacle. 76

The pastor’s wife is a special gift from God to his servant. I am of the school of thought that believes not every woman can be a pastor’s wife and that they have been given special graces to fill this position. Thus, pastor’s wives are ‘called’ like Levites are. Many pastors wives easily identify and accept the first function of attending to the personal needs of the pastor, but they sometimes ignorantly reject the other two purposes of their lives and positions. It is honorable to be a pastor’s wife, for it is not a honor that any woman taketh upon herself (paraphrase). Your position as a pastor’s wife is a divine opportunity from God for you to serve Him and by extension, the kingdom of God. However, many pastors’ wives only see the challenges their positions bring and Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


PASTOR'S WIFE never see their position as divine opportunity for ministry. Beloved , your husband, no matter his weaknesses, is still deserving of your honor and service. In Isaiah 55, the bible enjoins us to be like Sarah, our mother, whom her husband, Abraham, was quick to deny and lied about their relationship. Yet, she saw beyond his weakness and still called him ‘lord’ and served him. It is a great privilege for us to share the lives and callings of our husbands to serve God. So If you were not anointed, you become anointed when you become a pastor’s wife. The pastor’s wife cannot do everything for the pastor but she should be allowed to choose or appoint or have the knowledge of who is to serve on the altar. Seems an enormous responsibility, yes! Remember, whom God chooses, He qualifies and He will give you grace to perform and be effective. Trust Him, He’s faithful. Pastors wives must begin to perceive in their husbands what the Shunamite woman saw in the prophet Elisha and declared, ‘this is a holy man of God that passes by us…’(2 Kings 4:9 – 11).She honored the man of God and his office and served him as unto God. We should be like the Shunamite woman, other women in church who choose to serve the pastor should take their cue from the pastor’s wife. The pastor’s wife should be humble to serve the pastor, and discerning, acknowledging who her pastor – husband is. God expects her to be separate from amongst the congregation and set her apart as a servant unto the Lord, through you to the people. For emphasis once more, the pastor’s Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

…the pastor’s wife is a gift from the Lord to the pastor. Your position is a divine office and opportunity for ministry. wife is a gift from the Lord to the pastor. Your position is a divine office and opportunity for ministry. Therefore, be bold, be strong and serve faithfully as unto the Lord. For as you serve your husband, you serve the church and God sees it, acknowledging it as service to Him. Remember, it is written: we shall not serve the Lord with deceitfulness. As you serve this uncommon man, always focus on our Lord Jesus Christ Who in the book of John 13, showed us a good example of ministry by putting on the loin-clothes of servitude – a towel and basin of water in His hands, bent down and washed His disciples feet. Do it with joy and gladness of heart like the women of the early church, who served our Lord Jesus Christ by providing for Him and His disciples from their substance(Lk.8:1-3). So, we should not make light of this honor and privilesge given to us, His handmaids. We thank Christ Jesus, our Lord Who has enabled us, counting us worthy, putting us into ministry. Grace, mercy, and grace from God our Father and Jesus Christ our Lord be with you. 77


Special needs therapy

Treating

FRAGILE X-SYNDROME By Mokwe Nneamaka

T

he doctor’s soothing voice, the white spotless wall, the picture of a mother breastfeeding her baby, the smell of spirit, the cry of a child in the hallway, the siren of an ambulance some distance away, the beep of my cell phone signifying that I have a text message waiting and the frame on the wall which read, “Jesus heals, we charge the fee”, could not stop me from blurting out the question that pummelled in my head repeatedly. “What next?” It’s heartbreaking to know that your seven year old son has been diagnosed with Fragile X-Syndrome, but it would be suicidal if there is no solution or help anywhere for the development of my son,………so doctor, what next? Having examined what Fragile X truly is, then going through a thorough study

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of the genetics as well as testing, I would gladly introduce you to some characteristics of the syndrome and how individuals with Fragile X can be handled. In this country, whenever a particular characteristic, either physical or mental is observed in a child, it is assumed to have a link to some divine or spiritual problems or better still, Autism. With the level of awareness in the country regarding Autism, people quickly relate it to any developmental delay or mental problem observed in a child. This is very wrong! Before sticking any label on an individual, a diagnosis has to be carried out. This is the act of discovering or identifying the exact cause of an illness or problem and it actually requires a detailed and comprehensive assessment which must also be multidisciplinary. In the case of Fragile X, we have to study some of the characteristics evident in the individual Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


Special needs therapy with Fragile X-Syndrome, and it is usually a combination of physical, behavioural and mental characteristics. These symptoms may vary in number and degree among affected children. In the best circumstances, early identification of a child with Fragile X and subsequent treatment involves a team of professionals. These might include a speech education teacher, speech and language pathologist, an occupational therapist, a specialist in sensory integration, a physical therapist, a genetics counsellor, a psychologist and a portage. Having this team of professionals handle your child would actually result to a great transformation in your child. We would have a brief study of the characteristics.

though they often have large or prominent ears. BEHAVIOURAL CHARACTERISTICS Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is the most prevalent behavioural characteristic of children with Fragile X, this is an attention and hyperactivity problem. ADHD is frequently treated with medication, general central nervous system stimulants such as methylphenidate (Ritalin), pemoline ( Cylert) and dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine). However, because these drugs have side effects, that include irritability and poor appetite, alternatives such as Amantadine and Clonidine may be appropriate.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS There are some common physical characteristics evident among males with Fragile X such as: long narrow face, large or prominent ears and macro-orchidism (enlarged testicles). More than eighty percent (80%) of males with Fragile X develop at least one of these features, but often not until after puberty. Other physical characteristics are flat feet, puffy eyelids, double-jointed fingers and “hollow-chest�. The physical features may indicate an underlying abnormality of the connective tissue although no specific connective defect has been detected. However, females with Fragile X Syndrome do not exhibit most of the physical characteristics found in males with Fragile X, Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

79


Special needs therapy

“No one can accept responsibility in the world, unless he takes it first on his own doorstep�. Cleo F. Craig.

Amantadine has been used with surprising success to treat hyperactivity and attention difficulties in children with low IQs, for whom stimulants are genesrally less effective. Fragile X children with ADHD may benefit from the addition of tricyclic antidepressants or a major tranquilizer such as Thioridazine (Mellaril) and because mood swings and temper tantrums present major difficulties for children with Fragile X, psychotherapeutic medications such as Lithium and more recently Fluoxetine (Prozac) have helped control aggression and outbursts. Anti-convulsants such as carbamazepine or Valproate, used if seizures are present, can also help treat behaviour problems including aggression in males with Fragile X. Children with Fragile X have strong reactions to changes in environment , and their heightened anxiety can compound their behavioural difficulties. They appear to have an underlying disability related to processing external stimuli, called sensory integration. Extreme hypersensitivity to their environment makes it difficult for them to screen out stimuli such as noise, lights or odours. This in turn, often provokes 80

emotional outbursts or tantrums. Some of the other behaviours associated with Fragile X are similar to those of Autism, including hand flapping, hand biting, poor eye contact and tactile defensiveness, i.e., responding negatively to touch. However, the strength of males with Fragile X-Syndrome is their great sociability and friendliness, in contrast to children with autism, who appear unable to relate to others. Researchers have recommended that autistic children be screened for Fragile X. In the next issue, we will take you through the other characteristics and various ways to handle the features as well as other disabilities such as learning disabilities. Please do not use those drugs listed above unless recommended by a doctor, NOT a nurse, please also make sure your child has been properly and comprehensively assessed and diagnosed with the syndrome before you use the above medications. Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


HeartSong

I don’t mind

WAITING

D

ear Lord this is the song in my heart for you this day. I have often wondered why I have to wait for all the things I have had to wait for. I wondered why the job didn’t come when I thought it would then when it did come it wasn’t the very one I expected, but didn’t you say that you will give me what is best for me and not what I want? Then I wondered if marriage will ever happen for me, but then it did, it was late by my own estimation, but it did come and I remember, you don’t count time like I do, a day for you is like a thousand years and vice versa. But it didn’t stop me from wondering if I will ever have children, will they be male or female? Fair or dark complexioned? Handsome, beautiful or otherwise? I kept wondering but in the end I had children and the scripture that best describes them is that whatever you do is beautiful, none can add or take away from it. I can go on and on to tell how I have had to wait, some times it even seemed like it wasn’t going to happen but then you showed up. Was it when I wondered what my purpose and destiny was on earth then when I realised what it was I shifted gears to wonder how I was going to fulfil it, now I am living my purpose and all of it is proof of your faithfulness. So dear Lord, even though I am still waiting for a whole lot of other things the song in my heart is that as long as you are able to renew my strength as I wait and you are able to fulfil all that concerns me, even though it seems like it is taking time, I don’t mind waiting. Because he that waits on you can be sure that he will get the glory only you can give. Yes Lord! I don’t mind waiting… —Bidemi

Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

“Dear Lord, even though I am still waiting for a whole lot of other things the song in my heart is … You are able to renew my strength as I wait…” 81


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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

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true colours

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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


true colours

Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2

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Come Fill My Soul I am helpless with longings for you My God‌ Bear me to quench the thirst In my soul Suffer me to come near O Lord! Revoke the stillness that surrounds me With your loving kindness This utter helplessness Father Help me to bear! I am parched with deep thirsts That only you can quench Come, fill my soul! Let me drink long Out of your water-sprouts O water of life —Gloria David (Inspired by Psalm 42)

He can quench your thirst today Say

this

Prayer

I

, (mention your full names) do take You, Jesus Christ, Son of the Most high God, King of kings and Lord of lords as my Lord, Saviour, Friend and Husband. I believe You died in my place to free me from the law of sin and death. You rose from the dead three days after that I might live forever with You in heaven. Thank You for accepting me as I am and I await that day when You shall come to take me to reign with You forever in heaven. Amen!

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Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


Ultimately

Your Morning Will Come

A

s we put this edition together, I kept thinking about how times have changed and how I have changed with the times. I thought about how Effectual has changed and is still changing and as I look at my daughter, I see how she has changed and is still changing. Thus, I concluded that the saying that change is constant is true. Maybe change has just come upon you too, or maybe you haven’t experienced change in a while and you are beginning to think that you will never have the opportunity to experience change. I will like to tell you that just as there is always night and day, so is the assurance that your own change will also happen. Maybe the change you have experienced is not the change that you expected. Then, it is time to know that God is the author Who decides what He will allow us experience, and if you don’t like the change you have right now, remember that your morning will come. No matter what change you chance upon, it is important to let us know that God does have a plan and it’s our reaction when we are faced with whatever we are faced with, that determines what the outcome will be. Change will come whether we are ready or not, whether we want it or not. No matter what we do, let us never forget that change is a constant, when Jesus was taken by the government of the day and was nailed to the cross to the point of death, the Jews in that day and especially the disciples felt like their hope was gone forever. But then came the third day and he arose, even the devil who went jubilating because he felt that he had won, was caught unaware. Today we still shout hallelujah because Jesus rose on the third day. So my sisters, I do know that just as Jesus rose, the same power that rose him from the dead is available to us all for change. May your change come soon, and may it come for the better in Jesus name. Hold on, change is on the way. —Bidemi 90

Effectual Issue 4, Volume 2


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Effectual Magazine: Change Edition  

Effectual is a Christian lifestyle Magazine for women and those who love them. Our sole mission and desire is to assist women to discover...

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