Cartoon by Paul Pattie
Excessive onanism Former coroner David Heilpern’s confession last week that he mistakenly recorded a death as from ‘onanism’ rather than aneurism (damn you, autocorrect!) is hilarious. There would be worse ways to go, I would think, including from the COVID Delta variant. More importantly, David addressed the excessive onanism practised by those who hold to conspiracy narratives (‘theories’ is a word more suited to hard science) that contend the bulk of ICU doctors, epidemiologists and legal officers are serving a sinister global crackdown on human rights. I suggest more people
could choose to read David’s piece instead of the ravings of those with a degree in YouTube. It is still available online at https://bit.ly/2YIYWZD. On a lighter note, the US writer Dorothy Parker (1893–1967) called her canary Onan because he ‘spilled his seed upon the ground’. Michael McDonald Bairnsdale VIC
‘A quick buck’ Did you know there is a fortune to be made in Federal? Forget Airbnb it is far too labour intensive with a poor financial return. What is $2,000 to $6,000 a night when you can make a million or two for doing nothing at all?
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Penny, Anthony, Lola and the Vagabond staff are saddened by the
All you have to do is sign a piece of paper and hand over your property to a film company for a few months, or maybe permanently. There is a slight snag, as they are only supposed to film for 30 days a year, but no one is going to check that are they? The film company can do as they like. Even if they carve up your property with earth works it really doesn’t matter. Just think of the money. Best of all, they don’t need a DA, so Council can’t – or won’t – do anything about it. If it’s your home, just go on holiday for a while. If you don’t want anything to do with the neighbours, well, you don’t have to. You should let them know what you are doing, but if you forget, again don’t worry, because no doubt they are onto it and probably planning to do the same. I must confess, I am tempted. My property will greatly increase in value. My neighbour’s property may increase in value too. Of
course, this will depend on the nature of the film. If it is trashy then my neighbour’s property may decrease in value. And I must be careful, as they may be able to recover that loss from me. But not to worry because my property lends itself to a nature conservation program. After giving it much thought I have decided that, seeing as when I die I can’t take the money with me, sitting in silence on my deck and listening to the birds is actually priceless. However, for those of you wishing to have a go, take pride in the fact that you may all be able to amalgamate your properties and convert the whole village into the Federal Film studio. Just think of the money. Eat your heart out Hollywood. Footnote: the above does not constitute legal advice. You are advised to seek legal advice before commencing. Hilary Bone Federal
White poles In amongst the various existential threats that we are confronted with today, we now have the white poles debacle in Burringbar Street Mullumbimby. These pedestrian safety/ traffic control poles are probably necessary but are an eyesore nevertheless. Plans for crochet coverings is a good one, but there could be other uses for these poles. One could be a slalom course for bike/skateboard riders or linking the poles into the SETI vast array of antennas seeking signals from deep space. Perhaps even have mini national flags reflecting the multicultural ▶ Continued on next page
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AND THE FAMOUS
sudden unexpected death of our patron saint
Bow Wow 06/09/2021
Always generous with her smile and kindness. www.echo.net.au
Live music every night. Check social media for updates. ĕżƐĕŔćĕſǨǬǽǩǧǩǨ The Byron Shire Echo 11
Free, independent weekly newspaper from the Byron Shire, on the Far North Coast of NSW, Australia.