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MANipulated

Into Fear There Is Always A Pattern Based on a true story

Marvela Dawnay


AuthorHouse™ 1663 Liberty Drive Bloomington, IN 47403 www.authorhouse.com Phone: 1-800-839-8640

Š 2012 Marvela Dawnay. All rights reserved . No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Published by AuthorHouse 12/19/2012 ISBN: 978-1-4772-9884-8 (sc) ISBN: 978-1-4772-9885-5 (hc) ISBN: 978-1-4772-9886-2 (e) Library of Congress Control Number: 2012923456

inkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only. inkstock. is book is printed on acid-free paper. Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in e views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.


Contents Preface . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Prologue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Chapter 1

Reunited and Falling in Love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27

Chapter 2

At Work with the Devil . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40

Chapter 3

Executive Living the Dark Side . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52

Chapter 4

Trials and Tribulations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66

Chapter 5

Playing Games . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73

Chapter 6

Lies and Affairs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85

Chapter 7

Taken by an Addict. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102

Chapter 8

What Goes Around Comes Around (Karma) . . . . . . . . 110

Chapter 9

Putting the Past behind Me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122

Chapter 10 Loneliness Caused Me to Be Blind . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131 Chapter 11 Realization of Past Patterns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141 Chapter 12 Steered in the Wrong Direction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 153 Chapter 13 Conned under Pressure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 168 Chapter 14 Light Flashes to Darkness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 178 Chapter 15 Used Up by a Snake . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 193 Chapter 16 Loss of Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 212 Chapter 17 Mentally and Financially Devastated . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 231 Chapter 18 Total Control . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 255 Chapter 19 Running out of Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 270


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Preface

I

attribute my motivation and encouragement to a number of people in my life. LaKina, my daughter, told me that whatever I touched in life was a success and that she felt it was a great idea for me to write my book. LaKina said, “Mom, you have helped businesses and people to become successful; now it is your turn for success.” My parents, family, friends, and associates were consistent in letting me know that they had confidence in me to write an inspiring book. Every time I let them read some of my book they said, “Marvela, just keep writing.” My mother, Rose, would sit with me for hours and read what I had already written and give me her opinion. I feel so fortunate to know that other people do care for me and I no longer have to live with secrets, embarrassment, and feeling ashamed due to a psychopath who manipulated me into fear for thirteen years. ere are three reasons why I felt the need to write my book: Many women are manipulated into fear. When this abuse occurs they think the person abusing them will change. I want women to gain the knowledge and information they need to know that, if they are victims, they will realize that this type of person will never change and when they leave their relationships, they don’t go back! I would like to educate and aid children who have been exposed to this type of abuse so that they do not make the wrong choices later in life and they leave their past behind them. I feel that it is important to let others know who Rolf really is as a person. At the present time when customers are at the dealership that Rolf 1


Marvela Dawnay

and I use to own, they perceive Rolf as a great guy who grew up on the farm and has lived a perfect life. In actuality Rolf is a manipulating con who has been a convict most of his life and has used others to get where he is today. He thrives on having control over customers who have bad credit and a hard time making ends meet. Rolf talks negatively about these customers and puts them down behind their backs. Rolf needs to be reminded that he is the Buy Here–Pay Here customer who comes into the dealership every day. It is only because of me that he is where he is today. People who know Rolf and Marvela are shocked that Marvela ended up working for Rolf and he wrote her paychecks. What a despicable thought! I began to ask myself, How am I going to remember all this information to write my book? In 2004 when I went through my second nightmare with Rolf I began writing what had happened to me from 12/1998 to 2004. I was not sure if I had kept the information. I began to look for the notebook, and I found it upstairs tucked away in the spare bedroom ere were eighteen pages that I had written from my past. I could not believe it. I am the type of person who saves information, so I began going through my files in my filing cabinet. I found handwritten papers regarding my past tribulations that I had written and information that Rolf wrote with dates and times when he swore that he had God in his life and he was trying to change. He was told that writing down his wrongdoings would help him. (Well, it did not help him!) Also, I had kept everything regarding trips I had won with the bank, my old résumés, and a lot of photo albums with pictures that had dates and times on them. I told my daughter and my mom what I had found, and they said, “No one keeps all that stuff.” Well, ere is a reason for everything, so we knew it was meant to be. When I began writing my book there were days when I would ask myself, Should I write a book or just forget about it? I know this is crazy, but I would visualize Oprah interviewing me and asking me questions about my life being manipulated into fear. I could hear Dr. Phil saying, “What made you take this guy back three times and marry him? Did you not learn the first time?” I needed someone to help me have a positive mind-set. On Sunday mornings I would watch Joel Osteen, a motivational speaker. 2


MANipulated Into Fear

I began recording his shows and watching him two or three times a day. He would talk about being a positive person, success, and so many subjects that related to my life. Listening to him made me realize that my life was going to be okay. It was time to move on, and the best was yet to come for me. Joel said, “When you declare God’s favor all throughout the day, are good to someone else in the midst of your storm, and have blessings to help others, your test will be your testimony.” I did not realize it at the time, but I had always been good to someone else in the midst of my storms and had blessings to help others. One particular person I have helped for seven years is Oscar, the cake baker. To this day Oscar tells me that every time he has felt like giving up he calls me, and I am always there for him. When I talk to Oscar I always tell him he can become successful and to never give up. He told me that every time after the phone call he made to me something spectacular would come into his life. He said, “Marvela, it was as if God was using you to show me the way to success.” Because of Joel’s words, Oprah’s intuition, and Dr. Phil’s expertise I ese three people inspired me to write my book. I want to thank them for being in the spotlight daily to help others. I recall Joel Osteen telling a story about Nehemiah. Nehemiah asked e king granted Nehemiah’s request. Nehemiah had other requests, and the king granted all of them because the gracious hand of God was upon him. When he went to Jerusalem the total place was in disarray. Nehemiah told the people about the gracious hand of God in his life. What should have taken at least a year only took fifty-two days. Joel said, “When you realize God’s hand of favor is upon you, you will accomplish your dreams faster than what you thought.” With this in mind I went to the store with my daughter and purchased a new Mac laptop, two memory sticks, and a fire-safe box. My writing began soaring like an eagle.

3


Introduction

I

married and divorced the same man three times in a period of thirteen years. His name was Rolf. During this time, I was living the dark side of life but others perceived me as living a happy and perfect life. While I was going through my third divorce, I kept thinking that I should write a book about my thirteen years of hell with him. Never take it for granted that you know a person. Often women like myself do not know they are being manipulated into fear. We do not even realize that we really are afraid of the person, because we have adapted to this way of life. Many times during my relationships with Rolf, I was dealing with depression and I did not know it. If you have children and they grow up in this environment, they are more apt to be attracted to others who manipulate them into fear. When I first began to write my book I was going to name it Nobody Cares. e more I talked to friends and family, the more I realized that they did care; it was just that I was too embarrassed and ashamed to reach out to them. I read through what I had written up to chapter 10 and learned that my book was about me being manipulated into fear, and there was always a pattern. I began to see the traits and patterns of Rolf and discovered that he was also a psychopath. I did my research and found that I was correct. In the beginning of my relationships with Rolf, he was dedicated to Christ, family oriented, charming, kind, respectful, likeable, and loving. He complimented me all the time, apologized for his actions, and knew how to make me feel sorry for him. Since he was like this, he could con me into doing things for him that I felt I should not do. 4


MANipulated Into Fear

As time went on, because of his actions, I would accuse him of wrongdoings. He became outraged, screaming at me and using profanity. After he gained control of me, he began to mentally and physically abuse me. Sometimes Rolf seemed to care about me; he was able to fake his feelings. I found that Rolf had no remorse or feelings for anyone and could never relate to the pain I endured when I was with him. I always felt like Rolf was two different people. I knew when Rolf was lying to me because his story never added up. If I would confront him with a lie, he continued to tell me more lies, and try to convince me that it was all in my mind. No matter how Rolf acted or what he did, he was able to con me into doing things I did not want to do. I gave into him out of being afraid of what he might do to me. He was a very sneaky, deceitful man. Rolf was very good about getting family members, other people, and attorneys to take his side. He always told them that I was crazy and that the things I said were not true. He tried to make them believe that it was all in my mind. It was as though Rolf wore a mask and other people did not see him when he unmasked. Rolf would talk bad about my friends and not allow me to contact ere were times when he would try to keep me away from my family members. During our relationships, I began to see that Rolf was self-centered and liked to live by his own rules. (He never worried about getting caught when he did things wrong.) He had no conscience. After my third divorce, I learned why Rolf chose me to be his victim. It was simply because he knew I was a kind, loving, empathetic person, and he had a sense of self-hatred. By knowing this, he knew he could take control of my life to benefit himself. In the past Rolf has stalked me, and since I have been away from him, I have received strange e-mails to my old e-mail address. Also, people who know Rolf are trying to find out what I am doing now. Due to these issues, I no longer have Facebook and I have a new e-mail address. I feel as if I need to live in a box. 5


Marvela Dawnay

As you read my book, you will know what traits and patterns to look for when you begin a relationship or if you are currently being manipulated e person will never change. It took me thirteen years before I realized what this man had done to me. Don’t let it take you this long for realization. If you suspect that someone is being manipulated into fear, don’t just assume that they are fine but offer to help them, because they will be too embarrassed and ashamed to ask for your help. On different occasions I was told to get out by people I did not know. I did not listen to them, and things only got worse. Remember this: if you are involved with this type of person, you will live unhappily, and it is not easy to get out of this haunting relationship and start a new life. Get out before it’s too late, and don’t go back!

6


Prologue

I

ey were interviewing an author who recently wrote a book. She talked about her abuse as a child and the mental and physical abuse from her husband who had recently committed suicide. I was shocked when listening to her story. I began to realize why I would divorce this man and then let him come back. I thought to myself, How did I take this mental and physical abuse and sustain a normal life? at is when I began “thinking back in time.� Writing about my childhood and past years made me aware of how I endured such pain. I feel that my experiences and challenges prepared me for being manipulated into fear. I had come from a broken family and began working at the age of nine. My mom, Rose, grew up in Fellbach, Germany. At age sixteen she got pregnant by her German boyfriend and gave birth to my sister, Elsie, on March 14, 1958. He and my mom broke up, and that is when she met ey ey en I was born June on 16, 1963. My father began to mentally and physically abuse my mom. He would not allow her to work. She told me that many a night he would start an argument, hit her and then make her go to bed with him as early as 7:00 p.m. so he could have sex. As I got older my mom told me that my dad had other women. Because of this and the abuse, she tried to commit suicide by slicing her wrists when I was three years old. 7

Manipulated Into Fear - by Marvela Dawnay  

MANipulated Into Fear is based on a true story about a man I went to high school with and years later married and divorced three times withi...