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Duffy’s Napa Valley The Hummer is a quarterly newsletter produced by Duffy’s in Calistoga, California. The content is designed to encourage former guests to remain connected with Duffy’s and to meet new friends who may not know about Duffy’s.

Several articles in this issue were originally published on our blog (www.duffysrehab.com/blog). Enjoy this issue, take from it whatever you want, and then pass it along to a friend. If you would like your own copy or know someone who would, just drop us a note: Duffy’s P.O. Box 737 Calistoga, CA 94515 hummer@duffsrehab.com


Table of Contents

6

12 14 23 Updates

Articles

4 Letter from the President 8 Sobriety Weekend 10 Duffy’s Social Media 22 Holiday Scholarships

12 Forgiveness, Again 14 A.A. Growth Chart 15 Crazy Christmas List 23 Christmas, A Poem

From the Past

18 Duf Talks 20 From the Kitchen 21 From the Archives 24 From the Pen of Gene 26 Testimonies

Featured

6 Christmas Card from Duffys 16 Recovery Tree

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Letter from the

President A

s you probably know, we operate Duffy’s as a family business for a family problem. And at no other time of the year do we realize this more than Christmas. The nature of addiction, and the ugliness it brings with it, is on constant display during this time of the year. It may surprise you to learn, we stay quite busy around Duffy’s, even through the Christmas season. Our family and our staff often witness the heartwrenching despair of a guest in treatment who has been alienated from family and friends, or in some cases, completely shut out of the family affairs. It is somewhat ironic that the joy of the season often triggers sorrow and regret in a life in crisis. This can make for a very difficult Christmas. On the other side of the coin, some come to Duffy’s during the Christmas holiday as a refuge, or safe haven.

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F

or those in treatment at Duffy’s through the holidays, we try to do some special things that

are encouraging and fun. The facilities are festively decorated. We have a special Christmas dinner. There are special treats out all day long. We make sure everyone has a gift to open. Joyful music is playing. The bottom line is that we are demonstrating to those who may have lost their dignity, that WE REALLY DO CARE. That’s what the season is about, caring! And that is where we all find hope. Hope really begins with the simple statement, God cared! That hope is amplified for us today when we realize, God is still caring! From our family to yours, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Make sure you demonstrate your care for those you love.

Mike Duffy

President, Duffy’s Napa Valley Contact Mike Duffy: mike@duffysrehab.com

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Missing the people at Duffy’s? Check out our Youtube channel www.youtube.com/duffysrehab for great videos from the staff! Our latest, Why I Work at Duffy’s, features eleven staff members who share their experiences of working at Duffy’s.

“If one wants the spirit of recovery and natural beauty all in one spot, then Duffy’s is for you, serenity is just the beginning. . .”— Stan “Back 29 years ago, I sat in on Duffy’s meetings in Marin— his wisdom added to a solid foundation of sobriety that I have stood on for 29 years. Thank you, Duffy”— Mike “The BEST place for do-overs in California!!!”— Beth

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Join our thriving community! You are not alone. Chances are that along your journey you have met people who have helped you significantly through the difficult seasons of your life. Duffy’s has helped over 36,000 guests and their families since we opened in the late 1960’s. Over 2,200 people currently share hope and find help together on

www.facebook.com/duffysrehab

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D

ecember 23. She stared at the calendar. Couldn’t it just say December 22nd? That would mean she hadn’t messed up yet. Not seriously anyway. Actually, she admitted, she had messed up a lot in the past couple months. But nothing like yesterday. She tried calling Sam again. The phone hadn’t left her hand for hours, but still no answer. Not that she blamed him. Most business owners would be annoyed if their partner showed up to the Christmas party drunk. And most husbands would be angry if they found their wives drunk—and making out with a co-worker. Sam, both husband and partner, hadn’t talked to her since the party finished. He had been too angry to speak to her—and she had been too drunk to care. But now he had been gone for almost a whole day. What would she have said to him anyway, though? How could she explain her behavior when she didn’t even understand it herself? But why had she done something so stupid? And why did she hurt Sam like that? Sighing, she glanced around the room at the dirty glasses, rotting appetizer trays, and napkins littering her house. Compelled by the overwhelming need to control at least one part of her life, she began cleaning. She was just rinsing off the dishes when Sam walked in. What should she say? Would it be better to ask how he was? Or maybe she should apologize first? What was the protocol? Instead, she just stared at his shirtfront, unable to lift her eyes those last few inches. “Don’t say anything,” he told her unnecessarily, and held out an envelope.

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S

he lifted her hands out of the water, dried them, and reached for the letter, backing away once he released it. The first sentence jumped out at her: I’m still angry with you. She looked up quickly, but Sam motioned for her to continue: I’m still angry with you. God knows I should never have had to endure anything like last night. You messed up. (“I know,” she said, perhaps only in her mind.) I don’t know if you realize it yet, but your drinking problem has gotten worse. You never used to be like this, but I’m afraid that you’ve lost control over your drinking.

Please forgive me.

I’ve seen you worsen and--unlike the true friend I promised to be-- I haven’t said anything. But I want to give this another chance.

She breathed slowly, blinking quickly to clear tears away, so she could keep reading: We have some really rough times ahead, but I want to help you. Please be willing to admit that you need help, and we’ll work on this together. She froze, too afraid to look up from the paper. “I’ll hurt you again,” she dared. “I know,” he responded. “You’ll resent me.” “I know.” Finally she lifted her eyes and stammered out one more attempt. “I’ll mess up, a lot.” He nodded. Then said again, “I know. Are you willing to try?” “Yes. Yes.” She crossed over to him now and put her hand in his. “Help me.”

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Recovery What does it mean to you?


Like this tree? Download the desktop wallpaper at www.duffysrehab.com/recoverytree


GRATITUDE W

hen I first started attending A.A., I used to hear people say they were “grateful alcoholics.” That really turned my crawl. How in the world are you grateful you’re an alcoholic? But over the years I’ve come to understand exactly what they meant--when I think of what the alternatives might have been. I really get uptight sometimes and have a “day-time” nightmare-when I pause to think what might have happened in my life if I hadn’t found A.A. How grateful are you about your recovery?

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CALL TODAY TO ORDER THIS DUF TALK

888.717.9724 Winter Edition * DUFFY’S NAPA VALLEY 19


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Once more the Holiday Season comes upon us and the time of giving and sharing bursts forth with Goodwill and Cheer. I sincerely wish to extend to you and those you love my heartiest and warmest greetings for the coming year. Though, not necessarily by name, but rather in my prayer constantly, I will pray often that you will walk with your hand in the hand of a God as you understand Him.


During this season of giving, it is my fervent hope that you will give a dedicated effort towards the helping of those who still suffer. Never fail to remember that out there yet, walk countless thousands of our fellows, walking with the glazed, vacant eyes of futility. To them, if they seek recovery, we are responsible—for you and I, once the unwanted, have been given the ability give life.


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TREATMENT PHILOSOPHY OF

A NEW ENVIRONMENT FOR A NEW YOU

Our. . . • Goal: Provide treatment services in a safe environment for adult men and women with a history of substance abuse— alcohol, drugs, prescription drugs. • Philosophy: Help individuals break denial and maintain abstinence. • Techniques: Model and teach living skills that improve family, job and social functioning while reducing involvement with the legal system. • Program: Provide an intensive residential program, immediately following detox in an environment separated from where the substance abuse occurred. • Location: Beautiful Napa Valley, CA We have found that when guests are removed from the distraction of daily pressures and issues affiliated with their chemical dependency, they are better able to develop the coping skills needed for successful recovery. People suffering from substance abuse are also malnourished, exhausted and defeated. Duffy’s is an excellent place to build your body, mind, and spirit.

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OPTIONS TREATMENT

SENSITIVE TO YOUR LIFE

Our 28-day program is the most popular recovery program since its inception in 1967. If you are like most guests, you will spend the first few days in a medically supervised detox program. Then while your body is beginning to regain its physical strength—as you eat three meals prepared daily by our chef and begin to exercise, you will also be involved in a daily routine of classes and 1-on-1 private counseling sessions. While our 28-day program is an appropriate choice for many guests, you will probably want to seriously consider the 90-day option, especially if you have a significant history of substance abuse. Recent studies indicate that addicts who complete a 90-day program have a significantly reduced rate of relapse compared to those who complete just the 28-day program. In fact, the National Institute of Drug Abuse has labeled the 90-day treatment option as the “Gold Standard.” Plan to detox in our comfortable, residential-like setting, outside a hospital. A board-certified physician will meet with you to determine the best prescription medication to manage cravings and discomfort during the withdrawal period. Then you will be monitored around the clock to ensure that your detox is as comfortable as possible.

888-717-9724

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Call when you’re ready. 888.717.9724

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2012 Winter Hummer  

Christmas edition of The Hummer, from Duffy's Napa Valley Rehab in northern California.

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