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Advanced Academic Writing An Illustrated Program Volume Three Student Manual

with a CD of Actual Research Paper Comments

Michael Clay Thompson Royal Fireworks Press Unionville, New York Roble 1

e Barney Robl er Ms. DeMeen nors English Ho 08 25 April 20

r of Alexande Character e. The Noble is extensiv the Great Alexander t ou ab ct re fa s tu available The litera probed the ve ha rn de mo der cient and led Alexan Writers an s that enab Roble 4 the factor Works Cite of ch us. ar ni ge Ca d in se rtledge, Pa of military s of his life at ul fe . le Alexander y impossib the Great. be the sh seemingl New York: ess might 2004. to accompli Overlook, inary succ rd ao tr ex his nd s abou l cause of ie Cu ia or mm nt St in te gs po , Lewis V. One character. Alexander ity of his the Great. d magnanim d for the an New York: 19 es 68 ur . nobility an lt Grove, l cu ca lo r fo t ec sp s re er s ad le Fox, Ro der’ ed an at ex fe Al de t bi ed n Lane. Al abou rb so ab n te exander th ies. He of e e Great. f his enem responsibl


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Copyright Š 2010, Royal Fireworks Publishing Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved. No copying or reproduction of any portion of this book is permitted without the express written consent of the publisher. Royal Fireworks Press First Avenue, PO Box 399 Unionville, NY 10988-0399 (845) 726-4444 FAX: (845) 726-3824 email: mail@rfwp.com website: rfwp.com ISBN: Student Book: 978-0-88092-678-2 Teacher Book: 978-0-88092-679-9

Printed and bound in the United States of America using vegetablebased inks on acid-free recycled paper and environmentally-friendly cover coatings by the Royal Fireworks Printing Co. of Unionville, New York.

Design and text by Michael Clay Thompson


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Table of Contents I. INTRODUCTION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 1. Unity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Avoid all self-reference . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Use a thesis microlanguage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 Write words that connect the paragraphs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14 Put nouns beside verbs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 2. Originality . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Find your own idea . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 Tell us something we do not know . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22 Use the Wallas Model . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 3. Research. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 Real Research Paper Comments (The First 80). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41 II. ADVANCED WRITING ASSIGNMENTS. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . First Paper: Art and Thought . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Second Paper: The Idea of an -Ism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Third Paper: Discovery and Truth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fourth Paper: Ancient Ethics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . III. APPENDIX . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MLA Format. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Works Cited . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Punctuation. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Usage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Grammar Rules and Errors. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Proofreader’s Marks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

63 64 76 86 96

109 110 111 114 118 125 129

III. TEACHER SECTION To the Teacher . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132


4 4

half inch Moore 1

e Joseph Moor

contraction

Mr. Eeus English IH

2010 9 October

sp

JACK LONDEN

wrote many , 1876. He January 12 on rn bo d The Sea was e Fang, an Jack Londen Wild, Whit e th of a e Call s to make cluding Th an novelist novels, in first Americ e th of e He on was on easy life. sp Wolf. Lond ’t have an Londen didn s . ls ve no ’s and ship ing on the dock living writ mes worked ti me so he broke and was often thesis? sp of the . an ll am Ca se e a Th as vel on Londen’s no no transiatido family g in Jack ve with a Buck is l ve Buck li no e th of rs ing he encounte the beginn Wild. At aska where taken to Al is ck At Bu . ia, but with wolves in Californ encounters es and has ur nt od ve go ad ry ng ve ornton, a many exciti ets John Th me ck Bu y the stor who? said: no transition the end of One writer on dies. nt or Th hn ls in t Jo master, bu e best nove some of th e ot wr on tween Jack Lond the edge be He explored . re tu ra quote American lite aracters d showed ch savagery an d t n an va on le ti re ir de to civiliza from one si -crossing sal ph im ra g an ra them to pa --some of 274) (Samayam, erica. another. ates of Am e United St on no transitiis the largest state in th n see sp n. You ca Alaska Artic Ocea e th d an n Canada Strait. ted betwee the Bering It is loca ka, across as Al in s the houses e price wa Russia from Russia. Th Alaska from do ht to ug ve bo ha States What does this The United ph above ra s. g ar ra ll pa do e n th io with seven mill

sp

r-s

thesis?

This paper shows what not to do. There is no thesis, no continuity.

is?

or with the thes

thesis?

Moore 6 Works Cite d The Call of the Wild. Chicago: Me ---. Whit e Fang. Ne llon, 2003 . w York: Pa la din, 2005. Samayam, Su e S. Jack London’s No vels of th Harping, 20 e Wild New York: 04. Durness, Wi ll. “The Gradual Me tamorphosi s to Savage in The Lord ry as seen of the Ring s and The Call of th Chicago Re e Wild.” view of Li The terature. 23 (2004): 124-137. ital London, Ja ck.

Works Cited not alphabetized.


Introduction

Notice the strong effect of errors on the reader. They damage the experience.

The weary English teacher, Mr. Eeus, had been sitting before his computer for five hours, carefully grading the stack of papers he had received on Friday. He was determined to return them on Monday. Most of the papers had been good, had been what he had assigned: five-page MLA papers with long and short quotations supporting an intellectual thesis. The hands of the clock on the wall kept circling, and soon he would have to stop for the night. He would grade a few more. Even though he was getting tired, he would think positively; he had trained himself to look forward to every paper, no matter how many papers there were. He picked up the next paper from the stack. Ah, the paper was by Joseph Moore. Joseph was a good student who participated in class discussions and always did his work on time. Mr. Eeus began to examine Joseph’s paper. Even at first glance, he saw problems. The title of the paper, JACK LONDEN, was

all capitalized, it misspelled London Londen, and it did not express the thesis of the paper. The teacher saw that he would have to find out, the hard way, what the paper was about. He noticed with disappointment that the margin of the paper was wrong; there was an inch between the header, Moore 1, and the top of the page, instead of the half inch that was required. Each of these details was a small matter, but taken together, they made three errors before the paper even began. He began to read Joseph’s paper which apparently had something to do with Jack London. Perhaps Joseph would explain the thesis of the paper in the introduction. Unfortunately, Joseph did not. The first paragraph did not introduce the thesis at all; it was only a list of biographical facts, beginning with London’s birth—exactly what the teacher had told the class not to do. The first paragraph seemed to have no topic; it certainly had no topic sentence. Would Joseph ever get to his thesis? Did Joseph even have a thesis? To make matters worse, Joseph had used a contraction, didn’t, even though the class had been instructed not to use contractions, and the last sentence of the paragraph was a run-on sentence (after all that work on clause punctuation). Mr. Eeus looked again at the paper, holding out hope for the second paragraph. Thesis...thesis... What? The second paragraph was simply a crude summary of London’s novel The Call of the Wild. It too had no topic sentence, and it had no bridge of any kind to the first paragraph. There was still no sign of a thesis. This was confusing, and the teacher’s brain began to hurt as he searched for the point of the paper. He wanted Joseph to do well, but this paper seemed unplanned, random, pointless, and careless. He was having to stop reading and correct elementary errors in every paragraph. It was exhausting.

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From this painful glimpse into one moment in the life of a teacher, we see one of the central principles of advanced academic writing: you are not writing to yourself. Academic writing is for someone else, and to be advanced, you have to view what you write from a reader’s perspective. The decisions you make, the process you use, and the care you take with details all have an effect on your reader. Sometimes your reader will be a teacher who knows you well; other times your reader will be a professor who knows you by name only, or it may be someone you have never met. Whoever it is, he or she will read the paper without you. You will not be there to explain what you meant. This concern for the reader does not come easily. It comes with writing experience, with discovering the hard way that tiny mistakes in wording cause major disruptions in reading. Intense awareness of the reader is one of the most advanced elements in writing. This awareness extends to every detail: you want the reader to have a clear mind, to be utterly undistracted by mistakes of format, grammar, spelling, punctuation, wording, wordiness, organization—you want the reader to be captured by your idea. That brings us to the point of this book. Now that we have our foundations in place from the first two volumes, what are the final elements that make a paper advanced? Advanced Concerns. Volume Three of Advanced Academic Writing explores the most advanced concerns of writing academic papers. I use the noun concerns to describe this exploration because all of this work must be, for you, a personal concern. If you regard the principles of academic writing as a list of someone else’s rules that you are forced to obey, then you will never reach the highest levels of academic writing. If, on the other hand, you have internalized academic writing as an almost magical method that lets you express truths you care about, then you have the depth it takes to master these advanced details. In other words you cannot become great if you think these details only matter to someone else; you only become great if they are important to you. In this third volume in the Advanced Academic Writing series, I do not repeat the introductory discussions of the first two books. I assume that you have previously used one or both of the first two volumes. If you have not, then you must review the first two volumes; it will bring you into alignment with the more advanced elements of Volume Three. Here is a review of the elements first of Volume One and then of Volume Two:


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Volume One: The first book discussed the commitment you must make to academic writing. It introduced standard proofreader’s marks and reviewed the elements of a classic essay structure. It then presented the details of a correct MLA (Modern Language Association) paper, including margins, pagination, treatment of quotations, and Works Cited. It also reviewed the rules of academic punctuation, grammar, and usage. It presented forty real research paper comments that I wrote on student papers in the past. It introduced the method of grading, four-level assessment. Finally, Volume One presented four MLA writing assignments, to be three pages in length plus Works Cited: First Paper: Single Source Interpretation of Fiction Second Paper: Multiple Works Cited Third Paper: A Revolutionary Character Fourth Paper: An Abstract Concept Volume Two: The second book made stronger intellectual demands. It reviewed the fundamentals from Volume One but increased them; it doubled the proofreader’s marks and the real research paper comments, and it added detailed comments to the punctuation, grammar, and usage elements that had been introduced in Volume One. Then it explored the logic of advanced writing, including the logic of the essay, the logic of the syllogism, and famous logical fallacies. Finally, it assigned four more MLA papers, this time to be four pages plus Works Cited: First Paper: A Paper about Poetry or Shakespeare Second Paper: Comparison or Contrast of Ideas Third Paper: Evaluating Ideas Fourth Paper: Creating an Academic Idea Volume Three: In this third book we will write four, slightly longer, more scholarly papers, concentrating on advanced refinements of presentation and style. The elementary details of grammar, punctuation, and usage are no longer our emphasis; you now know that you cannot succeed if those beginner’s basics are not right. Unlike the first two volumes, this book will put those resources at the end of the book, in an appendix. It is now time to concentrate on the elements that most affect your reader. These are elements we have mentioned before, but now we want to deepen our comprehension. We will begin with the important concept of unity. I will describe the problems from the reader’s point of view, and your task will be to deepen both your comprehension and your personal concern about the effects that writing problems have on your reader.


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94 Susan,

ey rk of Gels r on the wo nding pape ta ts ou about is le tt for th I knew a li Thank you ballerina. a im pr an the Americ Clara with Kirkland, e role of e danced th sh ew kn I I did not urse; 1984, but her, of co tcracker in Nu e Th in and ryshnikov disorders, Mikhail Ba with eating d re ffe su she d athletic e struggle realize th physical an e extreme th t ou ab autifully r thought paper is be I had neve vel. Your le at th at struggle in of dancing ce masking challenges of brillian e em th ur ally around yo , which re organized conclusion like your ly ar ul is an ic it l part er. In al art, and I body togeth e th of s xt paper the part to your ne ties all of g forward in ok lo am I let paper, and inate, so ms to elim impressive few proble a ys wa al w. belo There are I will make eagerly. r comments a few othe d an e os th us look at excellent. g the tails are of followin Your MLA de have done u yo b jo llent que, your te the exce ary techni I apprecia ur document yo , ge pa tle all show . Your ti MLA format d listings Works Cite ur yo d an more d spacing, a reader, margins an ves me, as gi is Th detail. tention to advanced at ideas. about your d thinking en sp to time d colons. micolons an between se ere is no ence if th mpound sent co I I; a in semicolon

difference Study the Use a

The letter explains many of the errors in the paper. Others may be simply marked. coordinati

This letter is printed out and stapled to the top of the student paper.

ng conjunct ion to sepa rate the tw a mere comm o independ a in this ent clause situation s; would be a colon inst comma spli ead of a se ce. Use a micolon if the second an illustra clause is tion or ex offered as ample of wh at yo u said in this clause th e first clau is such an se: example. You should semicolons al so st udy the wa can be used y in lists, and the wa to introduc y colons ca e lists. n be used The reason is not beca use; the re ason is th When you ar at. e explaini ng what th e reason is the word th for someth at instead ing, use of the word because. disliked th Th e reason Po e Trojans seidon was that (n ot because) This is a Ze us favored th standard of em. usage beca use when yo is because, u sa y th e reason you are re peating yo urself; yo a reason, u already so you do sa id it was not need th e wor


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UNITY One language in one structure. The better you get at writing, the more important the idea of unity will be to you.


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10

Mossinari

1

inari Ellah Moss n Mrs. Overto English 3H

2010 Butler 17 October of Samual Iconoclasm e Th n: ho Erew ric, even the eccent analysis of an is r pe in his 1872 This pa , as found muel Butler Sa of s ea ideas ic, id iconoclast at Butler’s ll show th wi I n. ish vel Erewho eas of Brit utopian no typical id t from the en rg son ve hn di Jo by ably quotation were remark d in this ne ai pl ex society, as Victorian d a hon, we fin novel Erew Boswell: d utopian od ’s er tl lly do Bu In Samuel Only gradua behavior. e ng ra st e, nding in ally Nowher world abou n is not re that Erewho e iz n al ho re ew Er This paper we begin to England. eve; it is li be to leads us shows what not itain, and as Butler life of Br the social to do. It talks on re ti sa s by is a fierce stic height about itself more to iconocla re ti sa s ) es hi (Boswell 94 Butler rais than about customs. s revered d’ an per, gl pa En is the topic. ridiculing esis of th orts the th pp su l el ion by Bosw entional-This quotat are unconv in Erewhon s ea id ’s y he had at Butler explain wh which is th ich might wh -al on enti ely unconv even extrem onymously. an d ic publishe iconoclast the novel Erewhon is show that ll wi y I I sa y es my In my essa section of In the first . ys wa tack the fferent ewhon to at in three di er used Er tl Bu h ic wh ion I s ways in second sect will discus . In the em st sy s ish clas criminal of the Brit h system of hypocrisy the Englis d le cu di ll ri essay, I wi how Butler will show ction of my e third se th in y, . Finall punishment

Ellah Moss inari Mrs. Overto n

Mossinari

English 3H

17 October 2010 Erewhon: Th e Iconocla sm of Samu al Butler In 1872 th e eccentri c British novelist Sa anonymousl muel Butler y wrote hi s iconocla stic utopia word repres n novel Er enting nowh ewhon, a ere. In re ality Erew at all, bu hon was no t a satiri t nowhere, cal condem nation of Butler publ British so ished the ci ety. novel anon ymously fo fearing th r his own e adverse pr otection, reaction he would rece of his sati ive from th re. Johnso e ferocity n Boswell says that: In Samuel Butler’s od d utopian novel Erew world abou hon, we fin nding in st d a range beha vi or . Only gradua we begin to lly do realize th at Erewhon is not real as Butler ly Nowhere, leads us to believe; it is England. is a fierce Erewhon satire on the social li fe of Brit Butler rais ain, and es his sati re to icon oclastic he ridiculing ig hts by England’s revered cu stoms. (B Behind the os we veil of an ll 94) onymity, Bu

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One potential cause of his extraordinary success might be the nobility and magnanimity of his character. Stories abound Roble 4WorksCitedCar...

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