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DAN'S PAPERS, December 19, 2008 Page 28


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“But doesn’t that mean that you have more elves on hand than you might otherwise?” “It does. But there’s no other way.” “Well,” said Nick, “I think there is.” And so it was that on the week before Christmas, Ernie and a whole lot of other chubby elves had really important jobs to do for what Zebediah named the Royal Brigade, (because they cleaned royal sized chimneys). Last year, Ernie did the chimneys in Holland and Ethiopia, and this year, he’s been assigned the Principality of Liechtenstein, where there are all sorts of castle chimneys and mansion chimneys and palace chimneys and fortress chimneys and — guess what — he’s also been assigned all the chimneys of the Hamptons, home of some of the biggest mansions with the largest chimneys in the world. Look for him. He’s the elf with the big shock of red hair sticking out from

beneath his little dirty white elf cap. You’ll have to stay up until after midnight to see him, of course, and with the project taking a week, there’s no guaranteeing which day he’ll be here. If you see him, wave hello and thank him for keeping Santa all red and white. But other than that, my advice is to just leave a bag full of homemade ginger snaps in the fireplace for the week. On one particular morning, the

bag will be gone and there will only be a few ginger snap crumbs there, and if you get down low and look up through the chimney damper, all the way up, it will be clean and tidy and you’ll be able to see the sky. Ernie the Elf had been there, and he’d done his job. * * * And you can count of this: When Ernie the Elf gets back to the North Pole, his job done, he’ll sit down and eat a celebration meal of lasagna and pecan pie and meatloaf and cheese potatoes and goose pate and baked Alaska, well, actually baked North Pole, in exactly that order. And while he finishes up by handing out some homemade ginger snaps, he’ll tell everybody about the wonderful world of the Hamptons, with its windmills, churches, saltbox houses, vineyards, potato fields, old English downtowns, fishing villages and beaches. A tip of the hat to Ernie the Elf.


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Dan's Papers 2008 Holiday Issue  

Dan's Papers, the 51-year-old bible of the Hamptons, is owned by Manhattan Media, a multi-media publishing company based in New York City,...

Dan's Papers 2008 Holiday Issue  

Dan's Papers, the 51-year-old bible of the Hamptons, is owned by Manhattan Media, a multi-media publishing company based in New York City,...