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DAN'S PAPERS, August 27, 2010 Page 63


By Dan Rattiner Week of August 20-26, 2010 Riders this week: 11,425 Rider miles this week:141,759 DOWN IN THE TUBE Itzhak Perlman, the brilliant conductor and violinist who heads up the Perlman Music Program on Shelter Island, was seen traveling between Bridgehampton and Sag Harbor enjoying the Mozart played on board by his latest protÊgÊ, Corlione Karputnik, a recent Russo-Italian immigrant to America. Karputnik, who plays the viola, played brilliantly while subway riders placed coins in his cup as they strolled by. Perlman discovered him there on a prior trip. TUESDAY MORNING DELAYS Next Tuesday, August 31, expect delays of up to one hour on the subway system as our esteemed Commissioner Bill Aspinall holds a ceremony with wreaths and flowers on the East Hampton platform at 8 a.m. to celebrate our new subway sister system partnership with the Deauville Subway System in Deauville France. The Mayor of Deauville, Monsieur Bergerac de Frominac, will be on hand. It will be a sort of hands across the water thing, a ceremonial bonding between these two subway systems in the sister city tradition. The press is welcome to enjoy the wine and cheese and report upon the speeches. WELCOME HOME Beatrice Kimball, Marilyn Todd, Thomas Todd and Henrietta Todd, who were stranded for 10 days up at Foxwoods after failing to have the necessary ID to take the subway back to Sag Harbor, are finally home safe and sound, along with the six-man rescue party that delivered the necessary documents to them. It’s celebration time. ESCALATORS FINALLY REPAIRED AT SOUTHAMPTON STATION It took two weeks, but the escalators stuck in the GOING UP position at the Southampton Station platform even when the power was turned off have finally been repaired. The cause of the problem was a raccoon, which got trapped in the innards of the escalator and became an unexpected electrical conduit between two electric wires, thus circumventing an automatic shut off system. As a result, the escalators just kept on going UP for 11 days and it became very difficult for straphangers, except for the most athletic, to use the Southampton Station without getting sucked up and out into the street. As for the repairmen, they were baffled by the problem for the longest time and were unable to get in there for fear of electric shock which their union contracts says they must at all costs avoid. The raccoon was finally found behind a metal plate. On one level, we feel sad that an innocent creature, not been convicted of any wrongdoing, had to die like this. On the other hand, he was well cooked. PETA is investigating. INTERNET SERVICE SHUT DOWN In what was at first thought to be a related matter to the escalator problem, attempts to

shut down the free wireless system on the subway after a woman had her identity stolen between Water Mill and Bridgehampton proved difficult. The wireless system stubbornly resisted the attempts, and it was only after a day and a half that the system was finally wrestled to the ground. The porno sites were the last to surrender. A new security-only Wi-Fi system will replace the old. The security code will be HSUBWAYROCKS, all one word. There will be no charge for


the new service. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANET CONKLIN Janet Conklin has worked on the subway system as a flag person since it opened three years ago. Her station is east of the Hampton Bays stop and she has never sent trains through erroneously. Happy 51st, Janet. Many more happy returns. COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE As we go to press, I am sad to say I have learned that the Deauville Subway System is just some kind of joke. There is no Deauville Subway System. It was merely the invention of a writer in Deauville named Vite Abamour, who thought it would be fun if they had a mythical subway system. I do not take kindly to this sort of subterfuge. The Mayor of Deauville, apparently, was just



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SHABBAT, AUGUST 27-28 Shabbat Services conducted by Rabbi Marc Schneier and Cantor Netanel Hershtik accompanied by The New York Synagogue Choir, Izchak Haimov, Conductor

Friday, August 27 Evening Services - 7:00pm followed by Congregational Shabbat Dinner Guest Speaker: Rabbi Ronen Neuwirth, Director, Tzohar Rabbinical Association, Israel Reservations required for Shabbat Dinner | $50/person | RSVP: 631.288.0534 ext.10 or online @

Saturday, August 28 Morning Services - 8:45am followed by Congregational Kiddush

Rabbi Schneier will speak at 11:00am Remarks from Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY), “Facing Iran’s Nuclear Ambitions�

SEUDAH SHLISHIT JEWISH LEADERSHIP FORUM following 7:00pm Mincha Guest Speaker: Dr. David Dabscheck Founder, President, Jewish Community Security Service

NATIONAL YIDDISH THEATRE-FOLKSBIENE IN CONCERT - 9:00PM featuring Magda Fishman, Elmore James, and Tony Perry Zalmen Mlotek, Musical Director Complimentary admission | RSVP: 631.288.0534 ext.10 | Dessert reception to follow

AN EVENING WITH JEREMY KAGAN award-winning Director of The Chosen and Golda’s Balcony Sunday, August 29, 7:30pm Hampton Arts Cinema, 2 Brook Road, Westhampton Beach | Complimentary admission | RSVP: 631.288.0534 ext.10

+&8*4) '*-. '&45*7"-r.POEBZ "VHVTU QNrAjami (Israel, 2009, 120 minutes) Screening at Hampton Arts Cinema, 2 Brook Road followed by discussion with Isaac Zablocki, Director of Film & Literary Programs, Manhattan JCC AN EVENING OF JEWISH KAZAKHSTAN 5VFTEBZ "VHVTUrXJUI Rabbi Marc Schneier and Hon. Erlan Idrissov, Ambassador of Kazakhstan to the U.S. Screening of A Gift To Stalin (A Jewish Journey) Hampton Arts Cinema, 2 Brook Road, Westhampton Beach, Complimentary admission | RSVP: 631.288.0534 ext.10 | Dessert reception to follow

AUTHOR DISCUSSION SERIES Wednesday, September 1, 7:30pm ~ 97 Orchard by Jane Ziegelman Thursday, September 2, 7:30pm ~ When You Lie About Your Age, The Terrorists Win by Emmy-Award Nominated Comedienne Carol Leifer in cooperation with the Jewish Book Council | discussions followed by dessert receptions and book signings

'3*%": /*()5 -*7&-:rFriday, September 3, 6:00pm children ages 2-7, parents and grandparents featuring Arts & Crafts program in cooperation with Westhampton Beach’s Studio Art

We proudly support the only year-round weekday minyan in the Hamptons



Dan's Papers Aug. 27, 2010  

Dan's Papers, the 51-year-old bible of the Hamptons, is owned by Manhattan Media, a multi-media publishing company based in New York City,...

Dan's Papers Aug. 27, 2010  

Dan's Papers, the 51-year-old bible of the Hamptons, is owned by Manhattan Media, a multi-media publishing company based in New York City,...