DAN'S PAPERS, June 12, 2009 Page 35 www.danshamptons.com
Twentysomething…By David Lion Rattiner and decide that you are going to do push-ups during the commercials. The commercials come, you do about three push-ups, then reach for some more aspirin because oh my God is my chest achy from the push-ups I tried to do earlier. Decide to really, really go for a run, but not until “Seinfeld” is over. When “Seinfeld” ends, get a call on your cell phone. It’s your girlfriend. She wants to know when and where you’re both having dinner. Reach into your pocket and grab the gift certificates you got for Nick and Toni’s. Might as well go there. Tomorrow, I swear, I’ll work it off.
Face each day with a younger looking you!
Dear Dennis: I am 42 and this has nothing to do with grey hairs, wrinkles or aging. There was a time when I was considered cool. I used to be the girl to call when my friends needed a guaranteed no-hassle, good, clean, fun time! I was always up for going out with friends (regardless of the hour). In other words, I was young. Now, I fear I’m becoming certifiably “set in my ways” and booooo-ring.
All the tabloids… Overexposure 101. But there’s something irresistible about the gossip. Their lifestyles could not be more opposite than mine. They have access to everything. Don’t forget chefs and personal trainers to keep them looking good. I admit I want to peek into their world.
Doctor Paul Kelly, MD, FACS is certified by the American Board of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery as well as the American Board of Otolaryngology. He has his doctorate in medicine from Tulane University and after his reisdency, finished his fellowship in Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Syrgery. As a result, he is uniquely qualified among surgeons on the East End to fulfill any and all of your cosmetic surgery wants and needs, such as:
• Endoscopic browlift • Upper and lower eyelid lifts • Nasal reshaping/rhinoplasty • Facelifts • Lip augmentation • Facial liposuction • Skin cancer detection and reconstruction • Facial trauma repair and reconstruction • Injectables (BOTOX, Restylane, collagen, etc.) • And now Hair Restoration using the micrograft technique
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SCENE 4: In response to the ads I've been running in Dan's Papers, I received this email. It reminds me I am not alone.
I heard on the radio this morning the results of a survey given to married couples. How many? Not stated. Location? Not provided. The results were clear: 90% of these couples said their marriage changed completely after they had children. They went from a romantic, fun based couple to a mutual partnership (sort of a friendship type relationship). No surprise there, except they rated life as “deteriorated” instead of simply “changing”. But then again I understand. The same routine, the tedious chores, the bills, the boredom of life as the average person leads us to celebrity watch. As I see it, people fall into one of two categories. Either the “people who get watched” or the “people who watch them.”
292 Shade Tree Lane Aquebogue, NY 11931 631-727-8050
Summer’s here — a guaranteed reason to get in shape. Go to a bar-b-que with family and friends and join a game of tag with the kids. Play for 10 minutes, then collapse from a near heart attack, then decide you’re going to run more. Watch an eight-year-old laugh at you and tell you you’re getting fat and old. Throw a pie at the eight year old, eat some of the pie, regret it later. Wake up the next morning and drive to the beach to for a run. You have the whole day to dedicate yourself to getting back in shape. Here we go. Get out of the car, go on the beach, start jogging. While jogging, watch as two women in their 60s pass you at double your speed. Attempt to keep up with them at Main Beach in East Hampton, then realize that they aren’t even jogging but just walking really fast, then begin to walk and pretend that you are just taking a morning walk so you are not embarrassed. Go back home to do three sets of 30 push-ups. Do the push-ups, remember your glory days playing football in high school, then try opening the door with sore muscles. Take aspirin. Go to Brent’s General Store in Amagansett for a bottle of water and a fruit bowl. Listen to the little man in your head who is telling you that there is a chance of dying of a protein deficiency if you don’t eat a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich. Order the sandwich, eat it, then order a hot chocolate and tell yourself you’ll work it off at the gym later. Meet up with a friend who is in much better shape than you are who tells you that you should read the book, Skinny Bitch. Listen to your heart rate elevate as you accept that you’re a grown man going to buy a book entitled Skinny Bitch. Head to Bookhampton in East Hampton and purchase Skinny Bitch for about $15. Ask for a bag from the clerk. Secretly bring the book to your car and then drive home and hide out by the pool to read it. Okay, I get it, eating dairy and meat products is bad and eating vegetables are good for you. What better place to eat vegetables than Round Swamp Farm just up the street? Go to Round Swamp and be charmed by the scene at the store, and then be shocked when you pay $33 for a vegetable salad, an Honest Tea Pomegranate drink and a box of blueberries. Drink the Honest Tea and think, “If it’s good enough for Obama, it’s good enough for me.” Eat all of the fruits and vegetables in your car and then get a call from your friend asking you to bring a pecan pie from Round Swamp. Buy the pie, then eat half of it on the way to dropping it off, then go to the Pepperoni’s Pizza in Springs because, “What the hell, I’m this far in already.” Eat a chicken roll and feel bad for the chicken that died so you could eat, then feel regret. Go home and take a nap with intentions of going for a run, this time seriously, right after your nap is over. Wake up three hours later and realize that one of your favorite “Seinfeld” episodes is on,
I like seeing them rise. I even like watching them fall. It makes me feel a little better about my life. I mean, if I were to pull a Demi Moore the entire town would hate me, no? If I were to show up at the PTA meeting with a smooth-skinned boy in his twenties, forget it! My kids would never hear the end of it. I would never hear the end of it. But the other moms would silently want to be me. What would you do sitting at yet another soccer game- except at this game was Isabelle or Connor Kidman Cruise kicking a goal? You won’t pay attention. Why would you, when you can gawk at Tom and Katie. “Hey look, Katie’s back to her pre-baby weight!” So many people deny they would look or care. But come on... Deep down we are all just watchers and so I can’t wait to watch your movie. King of the Hamptons is the unscripted adventure I took with Dan Rattiner in 2008. Each week leading up to Labor Day, this article will reflect some of the wild and surreal events, people and places I experienced. Hopefully it entices you to see the movie this October. Maybe the combination of both will help you determine if it’s time for you to make the leap from ordinary to extraordinary. Or maybe it convinces you to stay where you are? For previous articles, video and more: www.kinghamptons.com
Published on Jun 12, 2009
Published on Jun 12, 2009
Dan's Papers, the 51-year-old bible of the Hamptons, is owned by Manhattan Media, a multi-media publishing company based in New York City,...