Dan’s Papers May 13, 2011 danshamptons.com Page 64
LETTERS THIS JUST IN Dear Dan, After reading your article in Dan’s Papers about the P.O. Box incident, I felt compelled to send you a piece of “First Class Mail” via The United Postal Service. I too have a USPS (Box #703) in Hampton Bays, New York 11946-0607. However, not number one on the wealthiest scales to live in. But wealthy or poor, we all get to enjoy the treasures of the Hamptons. The beautiful waters, bay inlets, and beaches, all surrounding us. The feeling of the sand between our toes, the sound of the ocean waters kissing the waters edge, the warmth of the sun, the breezes refreshing ourselves, the twinkling of the stars at night, etc…we live in a postcard. I hope you enjoy this “First Class” piece of mail and hope you get several additional pieces.
PICKY Dear Dan, I loved your article and agree with two things…why even have milk chocolate, and root beer floats must have vanilla ice cream. I also identify with bones found in fish. One bone destroys the meal so I mostly eat scallops. My stupidest personal thing is that only fried eggs are unhealthy. Regards, Thomas V. Malone Westhampton Beach
Passed this on. - DR
I also dislike sweet potato French fries. - DR WHO COULD CARE LESS? Dear Dan, For Pete’s sake – it’s not “who COULD care less” – it’s “who couldN’T care less.” You’re saying just the opposite of what you mean – saying that he “could”
POLICE BLOTTER The Netflix Thief A man in East Hampton called police to report that somebody had stolen a DVD out of his mailbox that he rented on Netflix, which delivers DVDs to customers by mail. The man said that when he opened his mailbox, he noticed that the envelope that normally holds his DVDs was torn open and empty. Ironically, the movie that had been stolen was, Heat. BOOOOYAHH!!!! ZING!! Gusty A gust of wind is to blame for an accident at the East Hampton airport that involved a small aircraft. The plane was blown off a runway during a routine landing last week that went terribly wrong. Both the pilot and the passenger were unhurt, ironically, both the pilot and the passenger were wearing windbreakers. ZING!!! OHHH!!!!! Caught A man from Bridgehampton was arrested in Hampton Bays after an investigation into a burglary was completed in Southampton. The man stole a 12-gauge shotgun and a nine-millimeter rifle from a residence in North Sea, among other things. It’s probably not a good idea to steal from the guy who owns these kinds of weapons.
(e-mails only, please) care less means that he cares somewhat. It’s even worse than using “amount” for “number.” It’s bad enough out there – it’s shocking that a “writer” uses incorrect clichés.
It could mean he cared just a teeny, teeny bit. - DR
I am replying by U.S. Postal at the newspaper rate. Snail mail is the “better mail.” -DR
Bill Dugan
askdan@danspapers.com
Harry Lorayne
Best Wishes, S.V. Hampton Bays
EVERYONE LOVES DAN’S PAPERS COVERS Dear Dan, The April 29 front cover was the absolute best. Time consuming, articulate, accurate and beautiful. It says it all. Thanks to your cover artist Raphaella Spence and Dan’s Papers.
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Quite The Party Man A man involved in a car accident in East Hampton was arrested after he was found to have marijuana and cocaine on his person and in the car. When police arrived at the scene of the accident, that did not involve any injuries, they immediately smelled marijuana and began to look for it. In a short amount of time, they found both marijuana and cocaine in the car and inside the man’s pockets. Another Party Man A man in Hampton Bays was found to be so intoxicated that he fell asleep in the middle of a parking lot and was nearly run over by a car. When the driver realized he nearly ran over a man sleeping in the parking lot, he called police. Shelter Island Residents became concerned when Old Man McGumbus, 96 and former WWII mine planter, was not arrested this week. A few calls revealed that McGumbus has officially joined Donald Trump’s campaign for president and has left Shelter Island for the first time in 53 years. He will be working as a community organizer and hippie sniper. —David Lion Rattiner
FULL UP Dear Dan, As the cost of gasoline continues to rise, the American public must face the fact that their vulnerability to foreign oil cannot be questioned. Although there is much blame being dispensed as to who is responsible for our current crisis, our dependence on this precious liquid is excessive. Reflecting on the Arab Oil Embargo and waiting in line to fuel my thirsty internal combustion engine in the 1970’s, little has changed to lessen the dire grip that foreign oil embraces over our economy and family budgets. As we search for a scapegoat for our painful dilemma, we must ask ourselves why Detroit enticed us with dinosaur sized SUV’s and trucks while the government stood in the shadows offering little intervention to loosen the grip OPEC has on our back pocket. Jason E. Hill Ridge, New York It seemed like a good idea at the time. - DR YOU REMEMBER MOMMA Dear Dan, I happened to run across a story of yours, dated February 1, 2008, called “View from the Bridge: Villa Maria Owner & Town Work to Save the View of Mecox Bay.” I’ve passed by the property in question many times, and was interested to read something of its history. I was particularly interested, however, by the sentence that read “In 1928, it was sold to folks who loved to party (one of them was the actress Irene Coleman).” I would be very curious as to where that information came from. Irene Coleman (born Irene Bressette) was my mother, and, though she was always intentionally vague about details of her past, I had never before had any inkling that she’d been anywhere near the Hamptons. (She was born in New Hampshire, went to school in Iowa, and lived in Chicago before heading to Hollywood circa 1933.) I do wonder if the person in question might have been the silent film actress Anna Murdock, who, curiously, was herself born Irene Coleman, and was born in Port Washington. In any case, though I realize this matter would be very low on your list of priorities, I would be most appreciative if you were able to supply any further information about the party-loving Irene Coleman who once had an interest in the Villa Maria. Thanks very much. Cordially, Colman Andrews Riverside, Connecticut It was told to me by the Dominican sister in charge when it was a convent. —DR