Life After ‘Rudolph’ Wasn’t All Reindeer Games
RANKIN-BASS/CBS
U.S. POSTAL SERVICE
What was King Moonracer’s true involvement in the disastrous parachute drop? Misfit Doll and Tall Elf have their own theories.
The United States Postal Service gave the Rankin/Bass version of “Rudolph” its stamp of approval, with this four-set collection marking the beloved TV special’s 50th anniversary.
Continued from page 17 expressive impact without being genteel in social conformity. And it moved people.” In 1995, Sam the Snowman died of cancer of the mouth at the age of 85. In accordance with his wishes, he was melted. His water was scattered over the Grande Tetons by his life partner, Snow Miser.
MISFIT DOLL Misfit Doll runs a successful psychotherapy practice in Eugene, Oregon and is the author of “Sub Plot: The Gulag of Misfit Toys.” “Anyone can see a train with square wheels is challenged. People can be cruel, but they can also see with their own eyes what the problem
is. Some disabilities are not so visible. Some disabilities are on the inside. That was me. ‘What are you doing here, what are you doing here?’ That’s what they all kept asking me. Bird that Swam, Jelly-Shooting Water Pistol, all of them. Oh, I was in the right place, all right. How ironic I should have survived. What happened to us was terrible, terrible. Was it Rudolph’s fault? No. No. Should he have seen, should he have known? Perhaps. He was a young buck with serious problems of his own. In my book, I say he was as much a victim, as much a ‘misfit’ as the rest of us. Do you know I got death threats for saying that? Death threats. Imagine. Santa says he didn’t know. “Santa says Moonracer supplied the parachutes. Santa says he was as shocked and horrified as anybody else.
Apply Today
877-479-0705 Our mission is education. • Paralegal
Our focus is your career. • Accounting
• Medical
Assistant and Game Design • Electronics Technology • Business Management • Computer Technology • Graphic
• Administrative
Assistant Energy • Computer Programming • Pharmacy Technician • CADD & HVAC and more! • Renewable
Affordable Tuition • Financial Aid Available • Flexible Class Schedules National & Industry Exam Prep • Job Placement Services • Career Internships
Well, he’s given a lot of money to the survivors over the years. Did it begin and end with Moonracer? It seems impossible to me. But we’re all old now, aren’t we? If anyone was going to come forward…No, no, it’s done. It’s a closed book. Anyone who knew anything died a long time ago. Most of them from brain cancer.”
TALL ELF WITH GLASSES Tall Elf With Glasses left the North Pole in 1975 and worked as a merchant marine, shrimp fisherman, roofer and drifter prior to his arrest in 1988 for a series of pipe bombings he claims he did not commit. “Yeah. Yeah. Pipe bombing. All too convenient, right? They followed me for years, dropping evidence wherever I holed up. Bunch of wires in an Alaska flophouse, blown up mailbox in Klamath Falls, whatever town I took some crap job in. Because I know, see? I know it all. They hadda make it so they could get me out of the way whenever they needed to. Make it so if I ever got called to the stand at Moonracer’s trial, no one would believe me. Cause I could connect the dots, see? “Oh, yeah, yeah, glow in the dark paint, lotta dead elves, class action lawsuit, Santa settles, he’s very sorry, what a tragedy, lets establish a foundation… It’s a drop in the bucket for him. He’s Santa! Nothing sticks too him. “Listen. Rudy? Brain Cancer. His folks? Brain Cancer. Clarice? DYING…of BRAIN CANCER! When
did any of those poor bastards ever pick up a paintbrush with glow in the dark paint on it? NEVER! Reindeers DO NOT MAKE TOYS! Oh, oh, oh, and a whole bunch of toys that MIGHT have died of cancer just happen to get shoveled out of Santa’s sleigh with defective parachutes — and Moonracer, ever the good soldier, it’s all his fault. And which elf does not eventually end up with brain cancer? The TALL elf. Me. Me and Bumble are cancer-free. The only ones with their brains at least three feet away from that damn nose! “You do the math. You ask yourself how some poor little reindeer got born the way he did and how Santa always wore a lead-lined hat for what, a FASHION STATEMENT?! ‘You could even say it glows?!’ Hello? What do you think makes a reindeer schnozz glow bright enough to cut through a winter storm? That beak was friggin’ radioactive! You know what? I’m tired. Leave me alone. Get outta here, go on, lemmee rot. Visiting hours are over.”
KING MOONRACER King Moonracer was tried and found guilty of crimes against toymanity by the World Court at The Hague in 1989. Sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole, he died of pancreatic cancer in 1991. NOTE: For the real story, see cbsnews.com/news/passage-rudolphthe-red-nosed-reindeer/.
The Bramson ORT Programs Employment Disclosures are posted on www.BramsonORT.edu
18
December 18 - 31, 2014
.com