EMOTIONS ARE COOL, USE

Them As Fuel

Remember the discussion about self identity and not being afraid to show weakness in order to grow, well my friend there is a whole emotional side to that no one talks about. Dr. Murray was asked about the negative side of it all, “What about those males who are hurting deep down and have no one to turn to?”; She immediately recognised this as the unfortunate reality for alot of young men, she then asked, “Why do they not have anyone to turn to, where is the father who as a man understands what their son(s) might be going through as a young man?” “Granted the father is alive?”, she said sure.

It boils back to what was discussed in previous chapters, identifying that there was no active father figure in one’s life and taking the necessary steps to make sure this does not affect one’s state of mind, life and actions. Several young men in a particular setting were asked who has their father actively involved in their lives; around 14 young men, 8 said yes the remainder said no (that’s 6 for those who don’t like mathematics for whatever reason), one would argue that statistically those without father figures are more likely to engage in negative activities such as: gangs and violence as they are more susceptible (likely to be influenced or harmed by a particular thing) to anything negative. So what do they do?

In listening amongst a group of peers recently, one female stated that she is super proud of her boyfriend, she began dating him over a year ago and he was extremely slender and criminally underweight for his height at 6’1, she is only 5’3, she said that he has an eating disorder and people would sometimes make comments about his physical physique, “Lawd girl how him so meagre, no sah my man affi have likkle muscles man”, not knowing the full story but that’s ok, she stated that he got tired of the comments hurled at him, so he decided to look up how to gain muscles and went to the gym non stop from 2021 till now (2023), moving from 150lbs to 185lbs, one would be shocked, she went on and on and on about him.

There are many hidden lessons there, what would have been your reaction? Would it have been brushed aside (maybe), would some negative coping mechanism be normalised (hopefully not) or would that have been used to transform yourself and life focusing on what can be controlled something like your physique. Hopefully inspiration was given to go to the gym, it’s a positive coping mechanism, start with some pushups at first if a gym isn’t within your reach.

Dr. Murray linked the story to young men who grew up without fathers, that one can actively make the decision within the mind to change for the betterand if the CHOICE IS MADE TO HAVE CHILDREN, then responsibility won’t be neglected as a father figure, well that’s for those who do decide to have children. How to deal with any negativity that comes your way, be it rejection, criticism etc, one can always overcome and adapt, making the conscious choice to be better instead of allowing negative emotions to strive and indulging in any negative coping mechanism.

Dr. Murray gave another interesting quote which again should put it all into perspective, “as a human, you are born with emotions”, there’s no hiding from them, they’re there both good and bad, the next best thing is to manage and control reactions especially to situations where one has no control, choose to become better as this will be setting an example for others, aspire to inspire, that only happens with adapting a growth mindset as a man taking any negativity as fuel and choosing growth over stagnantion (showing little activity or movement).